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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Single

Wifey Material or Nah?

If Proverbs 18:22 tells us “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord”, why do we believe wives are made after saying I do?
The scripture does not say he who finds a woman, then makes her his wife. Unmarried women let me encourage you today…..You don’t have to wait to be approached by a man before you are made into a wife! When you submit your life to the Lord and allow him to lead and guide you, he can teach you how to embody the characteristics of a wife!
Becoming a wife is not simply about being a great cook, being able to clean a house spotless or being able to bare children. Your qualifications of becoming a wife are not simply based on what the world say a wife is. After all, to the world many women with marriage certificates are wives. We see reality shows such as “Basketball Wives” or “Real Housewives of Atlanta” where the wives portrayed are half-dressed, spends money excessively, are always in drama, are rarely with their children, can’t cook, transfer from husband to husband based on who has the highest salary and are more concerned with being popular and the latest fashion than building their homes.
According to the book of Proverbs it takes more than a willing man, a ring, ceremony and a marriage certificate to become a wife. Proverbs 31:10-31 describes a wife as a type of woman who…

  • has good character
  • is unselfish
  • is a nurturer
  • is good with money and knows how to multiply what she has
  • She is a provider and is good with her hands
  • she is respected and gives respect
  • she is productive and not lazy
  • she is a giver and knows how to serve others
  • she takes care of her appearance
  • she is full of wisdom
  • she knows how to watch her tongue
  • she is faithful
  • and most importantly she fears the Lord

Ladies, the next time you feel the desire to ask God for a husband, ask yourself first….”Am I am Wife?”
Let the word of God become your standard so he can make you ready for your future! When your future husband finds you, you don’t want him to just find a woman, but you want him to find a wife!

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Finances Marriage

How We Paid Off Our Car in 24 Months

Worried young African American couple looking through bills online

Creating a budget changed the trajectory of our financial future.
The most important thing a budget can teach you is financial discipline. How to take control of your money, and make it do what you want. Here are a few things my husband and I learned through creating our first budget.

  1.  Our Normal Cash Flow on a Monthly Basis

 
Seems elementary, right? My husband and I never bought anything we couldn’t afford, always living within our means, but it wasn’t until we totaled our income on paper that we really understood how much money was flowing through our hands on a regular basis.
 
Why is this important you may ask?
 
As we created our first simple budget, we realized we had the ability to save more than we had been through our first year of marriage. Because we never actually SEE the exchange of money, we buy, buy, buy and do not feel the financial impact as long as our basic needs are met. Seeing the numbers on paper helped open our eyes to our financial potential.
2.  Money Management
 
With numerous accounts and various bill dates, this can be intimidating and overwhelming when it comes to financial management. For us: our water bill comes every other month, garbage bill is quarterly, student loans come out on the 14th, car loan on the 5th, our credit card bill is due at the beginning of the month (but for last month’s purchases), mortgage end of month, utilities’ cost varies…how do you keep it all straight?!
 
With all of the variables mentioned above, it was hard to ever really know where we were at financially at a given time.
 
Getting organized, we were able to create a spreadsheet on what bills come out when and how much we could expect. By keeping our eyes on our average bills and amounts we were seeing hit our account, we were able to catch two mistakes within two months – totaling an additional $100! If we had not been watching our account, we would not have even known that money was missing and would not have gotten the money refunded.
 
This is your hard earned money that someone is trying to take from you. Don’t let your complacency or laziness pull money from your account.
3.  How to Create a Plan
 
As a millennial, coming out of school, loans can be daunting. It seems like you are just getting started in the world but you are already two steps behind. Once we laid out our budget, we were able to identify different areas we could cut back our spending and where we could afford to add extra money to pay off our debts.
 
When we developed goals and created real plans with payoff timelines, the motivation was unreal. Watching the balance of our loans go down each month has been so exhilarating! We could feel the progress as we inched closer and closer to financial freedom.
 
With focus, discipline, and determination we paid off my car loan 3 years early and are on track to pay off my husband’s 10-year student loans in 2 years!
It’s time to reclaim control of your money and start putting it to work for you instead of it telling you where it will go.
 
What are some successful habits you have found when it comes to managing your money and eliminating debt?
We want to hear about your smart financial decisions!

Categories
Finances Marriage

3 Wedding Regrets

Bride and groom put their hands together on wedding bouquet

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Engaged Marriage

A High Calling: Loving My Wife, God's Princess

Cute loving couple is standing and embracing. They are holding a cup of coffee and smiling. The man is kissing a woman with love

A High Summon
Imagine this: you—a son of the Most High, a prince in God’s Kingdom—are summoned to the holy throne of God with a new assignment. He unveils a beautiful woman, pure and radiant. She is adorned in glorious white, clothed in His righteousness (Isaiah 61:10). He locks eyes with you and says, “Behold: your bride, My daughter. Love her and serve her as I have loved and served My Church. Help her to grow into the woman of righteousness I desire her to be.”
This may not have actually occurred in God’s physical Throne Room, but it occurred when you made a covenant.
Do you remember that feeling of terror after meeting your wife’s father or guardian for the first time? I sure do. My father-in-law is a pastor and he has a beautiful relationship with God, but I was sure he was praying that God would strike me dead!
My wife’s parents told me about the kind of man that they wanted for their daughter: a man who would lay down his life to provide for their daughter. A man who would love their daughter with holy and pure love. A man who would cover their daughter.
Do we honestly think that God, the Creator of Heaven and Earth and lover of your wife’s soul (and yours) wants anything less than the best worldly father’s standards?
Your wife is a princess. She is a daughter of the Most High. What mountains would you scale for a princess? What enemies would you fight off for a princess?
A Holy Calling
My marriage is a ministry. I am President and CEO of the ministry of “loving Sarah.” God called and ordained me from the foundation of Creation to be the guardian of this princess’s heart, and love her with everything within me.
How does one love a princess? By seeing the royalty underneath her humanity. My prayer is that I can see the greatness that the Lord deposited into my wife, and fight for her destiny through prayer and undying devotion. There is no one more postured in this princess’s life than her husband—her guardian and lover—to call out and nurture the greatness that lies beneath her earthly frame!
An Honorable Endeavor
When my wife’s parents granted me permission—with huge smiles, I might add—to marry their daughter, I walked away beaming. To put it simply, I was honored. I felt as if Heaven smiled upon me and granted me divine favor.Like an athlete receives a victor’s crown, I felt as though I had finished my course and earned a great reward.
Looking back at the last ten years, I can now see that the reward wasn’t in the permission granted, it has been the journey.
Husbands, God hand-picked you to steward His daughter‘s heart and life. What an honor!
At the end of the day, loving your princess is about discernment. It takes discernment to see God working in a difficult season. It takes discernment to rightly divide God’s truth in an atmosphere thick with deception.
It takes discernment to see anointing and princess-status of the woman you married.
Oh, God, grant us discernment that we may see your beautiful daughter as you do! Don’t let us see her through earth-bound eyes, but help us to catch glimpses of true riches deposited in the hearts of our wives.

Categories
Finances Home

The Difference Between Purchasing & Leasing A Car

Handsome men sitting in a car at car dealership.He is receiving key from his new car.

When shopping for a car, many of my client’s ask me to explain the difference between purchasing and leasing a car. Leasing has become quite popular recently as more and more consumers are looking for the best payment and to stay within their budget for a monthly car payment. Purchasing a car is easy but leasing a car can sound confusing if it is not explained properly.
 
Leasing A Car
I assume for the most part, most consumers know just about everything there is to know about purchasing a car. So, I will explain what it means to lease a car. The easiest way to explain it is to simply think of leasing a car like you think of leasing an apartment.
With an apartment, you lease the space for a year or so and you are responsible for damage. Using the same example, at the end of the lease, you can renew the lease or you can go to another apartment and start the process over again at another apartment complex. With leasing a car, it’s about the same thing. You drive the vehicle for a certain period of time, normally 24 – 36 months depending on the manufacturer. During this time, the driver is responsible for any vehicle damage, insurance, and mileage.
Mileage
Mileage is the number one reason that most consumers stay away from leasing a car. Most manufacturers offer mileage limits of 10,000 – 20,000. The most common lease for non-luxury vehicles is 36-39 months and 12,000 Miles/Year for 3 years.
One common misunderstanding is that you CAN NOT go over mileage. You can go over your mileage per year or per month but as long as your mileage is not over the limit by the time your lease is up, then you will not pay an extra cost.
The reason that there is an extra cost for over mileage is because the original contract is set to have a certain mileage once the vehicle is returned. In most leases, the extra cost is 10 cents per mile that is over the limit of miles. Of course, some brands charge a lot more and over-mileage can become costly. 

Read: “How To Finance A Car With A Previous Repossession”

Pros of Leasing
The best part about leasing a car is that at the end of the lease, you have the option of being done with the lease all together and you turn in your keys. You can also purchase the lease and normally the payment stays around the same.
This works for many consumers as some finance a car every 2-3 years and end up carrying over a negative balance over to the other car over and over. After some time, this becomes expensive as the best way of negative equity is time, money down, or both. With leasing, you also don’t have to worry about major maintenance like tires, brakes, or rotors in most cases. This is perfect for consumers that want to swap out cars every 3 years or so, drive average to slightly above average miles, and not to mention leasing normally gives a lower payment than a purchase.
Of course, leasing is a privilege and is only offered to those who qualify. I would have to say that a lease works favorably with an auto credit score of 640. Your auto score is only obtained from either getting your credit report pulled by a lender or dealership or by purchasing it for a low one time cost. 
 
Purchasing A Car
I will keep this short as this is the most common way of acquiring a car. One thing to keep in mind is that you only own a car once you have the title to the car. Many consumers say that leasing will not work for them simply because they will now “own” the car. I laugh at this every time because if you miss 3-4 payments on a financed auto loan, you will find out who the real owner is.
Most consumers never finish paying off an auto loan and there is nothing wrong with that. Most manufacturers change body styles, equipment, technology, and incentives every year on different models. Because of this, consumers are eager to purchase the latest and greatest. There is nothing wrong with this but the consumer must understand that you can trade in a car anytime but there are times when it makes more sense to do so.
The “sweet spot” to trade in an open auto loan (current auto loan) can vary based on contract terms, miles, interest rate, vehicle condition, and etc. In most cases, most auto loans are in 72 months and if that’s the case, the best time can be around 36-60 months.
Of course, you can always trade out of the car before that but depending on your interest rate, you could be in a situation in which you are “upside down” meaning your car is worth less than what you owe. This can have you putting money down, downsizing in cars, or increasing your monthly payments. With leasing, you never have to worry about negative equity (upside down) unless you jump out of the lease early.

Watch: “How To Lower Your Current Car Payment”

How Credit Affects Purchasing
An auto loan purchase is mainly based on your credit score as well. A credit report with few accounts will have you paying a higher interest rate and a report with too much activity may have you doing the same. The best way to handle this situation, is to simply get an update credit report and see for yourself. One thing that many consumers never consider is refinancing their car later down the line to get a better interest rate or lower payment overall.
You can get a lower rate by taking out an auto loan on a shorter term, but sometimes this will result in a higher payment since the bank is getting their money back faster. You can also get a joint applicant in which both your credit report and your joint applicant’s credit report is taken into consideration. Some manufacturers do offer low interest and first time car buyer programs but there are qualifications to be met as well.
Bottom Line
 I want to make sure all the information is given to my readers to educate them on their options and build confidence. Hopefully, you have a better understanding of the difference between buying and leasing a car. 
 
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage Single

5 Poisons That Don't Belong in Relationships

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Throughout life, it’s inevitable that our hearts and minds will take beatings in ways that can potentially have a negative effect on our view of ourselves and others. The problem is, when we allow those negative thoughts to reign over the reality of who God says we are, they can cause some serious damage in our relationships.
In order to maintain a thriving relationship – whether it’s a friendship, a relationship, marriage, or with a family member – I believe it’s incredibly important to recognize when you’ve allowed these ‘poisons’ into your life, and then get rid of them!
Here are five poisons that I have observed:

  1. Insecurities: Insecurities are incredibly easy to pick up. The truth is, an insecurity represents an area of your life that is not under the authority of God. Acknowledging insecurities that you carry is a good start to getting rid of them.  Then it’s important to pursue what God says about it, and let Him have the final say.
  2. Comparisons: The problem with comparisons is that they will never end once you start! Someone will always be more ____[fill-in-the-blank] than you. But there will never be anyone who has the exact combination of gifts, personality, appearance, history, and desires as you do! The world can’t have another human being exactly just like you, so why deprive them? Figure out what makes you unique and celebrate those qualities, instead of wishing you were like someone else. Otherwise, it is an open door for jealousy, shame and self-deprecation – all of which can wreak havoc on your relationships because you will only be able to love the other person according to how much you love yourself.
  3. Negative assumptions: Assuming the worst in someone will likely bring the worst out of them. Of course people are going to let you down. Of course people are going to fail. But if you continually expect the worst to happen you may create some false truths about the other, along with missing a lot of good that may be going on! In general, assuming the best has a way of raising the other to a higher standard, along with freeing yourself from worry, anxiety, frustration, etc.
  4. Fear: Fear causes us to make decisions that may not be rooted in wisdom or love. This can put a huge strain on relationships, especially when the other isn’t aware of fears you may struggle with. It’s important to keep your motivation in check. Ask yourself why you are making a decision. Are you afraid of what could happen if you don’t? Or is it because you are certain it is right for the circumstances you’re in?
  5. Lack of Vulnerability: It is impossible to deeply connect with another person if you don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable with them. Not expressing feelings or opening up can only last so long until it creates a tension in a relationship. Being vulnerable may be scary at times, but has a way of developing a safe place which in turn allows a relationship to progress. Without progression, relationships tend to just go backward or fall apart.Above all, relationships take work and being intentional! The more proactive you can be about not allowing these ‘poisons’ in your relationships, the more life-giving they will be.

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Home Single

5 Mistakes Single People Make Before Marriage

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Single

Girlfriend's Guide to Marriage: 5 Great Lessons

by Kay King
That weekend when you think it’s going to be just the girls on a ski slope, looking fierce, laughing and chatting over a cup of hot cocoa with marshmallows… that was the weekend I was looking forward to, but God had other plans.
We arrived late and upon check-in, one of my friends ran into another friend she knew.  They chit-chatted and the next thing I knew we were being invited back to her cabin for dinner.
When we arrived we quickly found out that they were having their very own “Why Did I get Married” weekend. It was 4 couples ranging from newly-weds to 10 years of marriage. I thought to myself how ironic is it that I ran into a bunch of married couples the weekend I was to be fasting for my future marriage.
If you don’t think God has a sense of humor, then you don’t know the God I serve. 
On the first night we all had dinner and conversation, it was so fun. 
From the men giving their advice to us singles and from the women giving their advice. I was literally like a sponge, soaking it all up. Here are 5 lessons I learned from them:

Lesson 1: Marriage is Selfless.

I know. I know. That may be a hard pill to swallow, considering how before we get married all we can think about is ourselves.  
Marriage isn’t for the inconsiderate. It isn’t for the selfish. Marriage is about serving. You must serve one another DAILY. You must serve one another even when you don’t feel like it. 
So before you head down that isle, make sure that you are ready to SERVE.
Even Jesus replied, “I didn’t come to be served, but to serve.” Serving is an admiral job- it’s the least likely to be chosen, but if you both have a servant’s heart, then you will have the one thing that will make your marriage last.

Lesson 2 :Marriage is For the Long Haul.

Why is it that we always look to these celebrities as a poster for how marriage should be? They have these lavish weddings and then next thing you know, TMZ  reports that so and so filed for divorce citing “irreconcilable differences”. What is that?!
Isn’t marriage supposed to be forever? 
One of the women at the cabin that weekend said her marriage had a few ups and down. She said they couldn’t agree on the simplest of things and some how it would always turn into a huge argument. She said they didn’t know what to do but she knew divorce was not an option.
She said to “take divorce out the equation” all together. She explained that you will be tested on the vows you spoke on your wedding day and your vows said to death do us part.
I mean, think about Christ’s marriage with the church. Now we don’t always do what we’re supposed to do, so imagine if God said “that’s it, I’m filing for divorce.”Where would we would? YIKES! I would hate to even imagine that. God said “no, I’m in this for the long haul, for eternity and even then after. Divorce is not an option, I took the vows and it said ‘for better or for worse'”.

Lesson 3: Your Spouse is Not Your Enemy.

Your spouse is a gift from God. In all your imperfections and in all your spouse’s imperfections, you have to know who your true enemy is. When you wage war, allow your spouse to fight with you instead of fighting against them.
I can even recall a  conference I went to and the speaker said, do you know who your real enemy is? She said look, nobody goes into marriage thinking that they will do this or that, she says we enter into marriage with true intentions of being the best we can be for our spouse but life happens. And as life happens, you can’t forget who your true enemy is. 
So instead of fighting with your spouse, take it to God in prayer.

Lesson 4: A couple who prays together, stays together.

Let prayer be your foundation. When you don’t know what else to do, take it to God.
Couples face a lot of big decisions and you won’t always know what to do, however we are connected to someone who knows all things.
A lot of married couples I know, have said that prayer has saved their marriages. It helped strengthen their marriage and even created a stronger unity between them. 
I can remember one of the guys saying that you should make time to pray with your spouse daily. He said that’s the best thing he ever did for his marriage. He says praying with his wife, is the best part of his day. Having her pray for him and him praying for her really empowered their marriage and even strengthen their relationship with Christ.

Lesson 5: Honor your spouse.

When you honor your spouse, it means you value your spouse.
You should view your spouse as a priceless treasure. When you honor your spouse, you give them confidence. You can honor your spouse by making sure they are number 1 over your job, your friends and your hobbies. Honor your spouse by respecting them and their feelings.
The Lord speaks a great deal in the bible about honor, so you know it must mean a lot to Him.
Honor your spouse above all else and your marriage is sure to last. 
 
 
I know as singles, we are often in a rush to get married but the one thing I am enjoying about this season of my life is the freedom I have to equip myself with the tools needed for my marriage.
God knows the desires of my heart so I will let him take care of that.

Categories
Home Marriage

Marriage & Ministry: 7 Things I've Learned About Being Called to Both

You will often hear people say that your marriage is your number one ministry or that your marriage should be a ministry. So how do you balance both, how do you manage your calling to serve as a leader in the body of Christ and yet be an effective wife or husband, mother or father? I have been doing this for almost 5 years now and these are some of my thoughts.

  1.  You were called before your spouse came -(in most cases) I had a calling before my husband came, marriage has made my calling easier and has enhanced my assignment. Early, we decided that my husband would  focus on building our family financially.  The first 3 years of marriage, while I traveled the nation teaching and preaching,  he would come when he  could,  but our priority was to stabilizing our young family.Both of what we were doing was kingdom work and it was holy unto the lord.  He enhanced my call by allowing me to continue what God had called me to do while he sacrificed. He too was called at that point, but knew we had to work together to make sure both what God had called us to do was manifesting. We both now pastor together, he helps oversee my business and he works full time in a field which is pushing him towards his life dreams.
  2. When your marriage is healthy, your family is healthy and your ministry is healthy-Frustrations in marriage will often show up in ministry, do not be afraid to step down and minister to your spouse and take care of your marriage. Ministry will always be there, but your marriage may not be. When your marriage is healthy, your children will be healthy and what you do as a team will be much easier as you walk in agreement.
  3. All is Holy Unto the Lord- My ministry is not just how well I teach or preach but how will I love my mate, it is how well we love our children, it is how will we manage our finances and care for those who need us. Ministry is not just what happens on the road or on Sunday morning  it is how God is glorified in everything we do. Can people see God through your marriage? Is Jesus Glorified because you and your spouse are together?
  4. You are Your Spouse’s Advocate and Cheerleader– This is your other half,  if ever you begin to follow the lead of others and not your partner it will cause a rift in your marriage. It is your responsibility to fight for your spouse even if they are not in “traditional” ministry. Celebrate them and encourage them to be themselves. Never put other people’s opinions of how you should do ministry or life without considering your spouse.
  5. Our ministries Do Not Have to be the Same-  I have learned that our differences even in our walk with God is what makes us a great couple. Your spouse’s walk does not need to look like yours for you to learn from them. My husband is always teaching me. Always be willing to learn from your spouse.
  6. Discern Seasons- There will be seasons to raise babies which means less ministry time sometimes. There maybe seasons to work on the marriage, their maybe seasons to build the kingdom , their maybe seasons to get your finances together, whatever you do make sure that you always do it together. Let everyone find their part and work together, make no room for the enemy. Realize that seasons are just what they are, seasons. You will not always be there. Push through together and go from there.  Always walk in agreement and it will be well.
  7. Have One Vision-  The number one thing the enemy is after in your life is your agreement. He does not want you to walk in oneness so create a vision for your marriage and assess it early. Make short term goals and long term goals, this helps both of you keep in mind what is important. Make sure the goals and visions cover you guys emotionally, financially and spiritually.

Categories
Marriage

Marriage Hacks: 6 Keys to Ensure a Healthy & Happy Marriage

1) Have realistic expectations.
We know our spouse isn’t perfect, so why do we act so surprised when they give us proof they’re not perfect? We must accept there will be hard times, and some days will be less stellar than others.
Here are some reasonable expectations for your marriage:

  • We will be faithful to one another
  • We will be honest with one another.
  • We will be patient with one another.
  • We will serve one another.

2)  Focus on self-improvement, not spouse improvement.
Be the kind of spouse you’re looking to have. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • How can I communicate better?
  • How can I show more respect?
  • How can I bring out the best in him/her?
  • How can I better serve him/her?

3) Get a plan for working through conflict. 
We’re all different. We all process and handle things differently. We all come in broken and we must have a plan to work through conflict to ensure a healthy God-honoring marriage. Here are some ways to handle conflict positively:

  • Assume the best. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt.
  • Seek first to understand, then to be understood. LISTEN! Hear what they’re meaning. Not just what they’re saying.
  • Respect your spouse’s style of processing. Give yourselves a few minutes to process, then come back. And before you re-enter the conflict, take a moment to pray for one another.
  • Be quick to say “I’m sorry”.
  • Be quick to forgive.
  • Address issues without attacking.
  • Don’t go to bed angry.

4) Follow God’s plan, not the worlds pattern.
Marriage should be a place of grace and truth. It’s not all about a huge fancy ceremony. Take the time to truly invest in maintaining your marriage.
5) Never stop growing in communication.
Be very intentional about building a culture of open, honest and respectable communication with your spouse. No matter how good you become at this, never become complacent. There’s always room for improvement.
6) Resolve that quitting is not an option!
This is the key. No matter what happens, REFUSE TO QUIT! This is the key to divorce proofing your marriage! We live in a world that’s all about the flavor of the moment and many treat marriage the same way. Realize that when you choose to stand before your spouse, you’re not only making a commitment to them, but you’re also making a covenant before God. Always honor both that commitment and that covenant.
These hacks are by no means all-encompassing; however, if you take advantage of them, your marriage will definitely benefit. I know mine has!