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Categories
Parenting

3 Ways to Affirm Your Children

Cute father and son playing together at the park

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I am familiar with the path of parenting. One of the most powerful parenting tools is the power of affirmation.
God the Father affirmed His Son Jesus in Luke 3:22, setting the pace for Jesus’ earthly ministry to fulfill the will of the Father. What we say over our children carries a lot of weight because our words shape our children into the people that God wants them to be. Those words should be a reflection that they are fearfully and wonderfully made sons and daughters of the King (Psalm 139). Asking God for eyes to see our children through His eyes helps us, as parents, to speak words of truth into our children’s lives.
Along the way, I have learned that children are like sponges that soak up the messages that are spoken. They need regular encouraging, inspiring, and uplifting words. The messages that we speak over our children have the potential to lead them closer to God or cause them to pull away from their God-given value. By simply saying, “I love you, I am pleased with you, and I pray God’s absolute best for your life” speaks volumes to children to help launch them on their path of purpose and destiny.
Here are 3 things that I have learned that every parent can do to positively affirm their children:

  1. Set aside time each day to affirm your children. Spend valuable time to speak words of blessings over your children. I’ve found that these meeting times with my daughter are filled with love and powerful moments that navigate the course of her future. It is during these times that I am guiding her with my affirmation to consider all the great things that God wants to do through her to be a blessing.
  1. Affirm your children in front of others. Speaking affirming words and special blessings openly lets your children know that you value and honor them. Using family time is a great time to speak and pray blessings over your children! When I speak openly about my daughter, I share the greatness I see within her, how God will use her as a vessel of honor, and encourage her to continue pursuing God’s plan for her life.
  1. Surprise them. Random acts of love and kindness mean doing something awesome that your children were not expecting. It speaks to their hearts as affirmation. Taking my daughter on unplanned day trips, lunches to her favorite restaurant, or to special events that she has talked about shows my appreciation, letting her know that I am proud of the godly young woman that she is becoming.

Our children are destined to do great things for God! What other ways can you think of to affirm your children?

Categories
Dating/Courting

3 Things Not to Do on a Double Date

holidays, vacation, love and friendship concept - smiling couple having fun in city

It was early on into our dating relationship.
Scene set: Friday night, dinner and game night – a few rounds of Taboo at my house that suddenly went south.
As we had not experienced many double dates up to this point, we both unknowingly seized the opportunity to rally the support of the other couple to each other’s side regarding recent disagreements. Fortunately, we were able to recognize our actions and redirect the conversation to save a fun night with friends.
Here are some guidelines of things NOT to do when you begin double dating with other couples:
1. Spend the whole time on your phone
This should go without say – date or not – but chances are, you are looking for some human interaction that both you and your significant other can enjoy. Leave the virtual reality for a later time on your own.
2.  Over display your physical and emotional affections for your significant other.
If your touches make others around you feel uncomfortable, save it for later! Be mindful of your physical exchanges while in the company of others and how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. We get that you love each other, just don’t overdo it in public.
3. Use this time as a battle ground to prove who was right.
Don’t allow this to be a time to bring up past arguments in an attempt to rally more troops on your side. Remember what this night is about and don’t waste time airing out dirty laundry over past disagreements.
 
Have you experienced any double date night horrors?
How did you and your significant other save the day [or you didn’t]?

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

Is the Proverbs 31 Woman Even Real?

The first few times I read through Proverbs 31 were not intentional. Most of my understanding of her came from others. When I finally decided to intentionally look into this woman – I quickly closed my bible and said, “Umm yea, this woman is not real, I can’t relate.” Why? Well for one, I don’t like to cook or clean, I appreciate my sleep, I don’t know how to sew (takes me 30 minutes just to get the thread in the needle head), and at that time in my life, I was working and in school full-time (do people still farm? – don’t judge me I’m a city girl). I just didn’t have a connection with or understanding of this infamous woman.
Fast forward a few years; I found myself married with a beautiful baby girl. I always had a desire to support my home and serve my husband and children but when it came time to doing it, let’s just say a girl struggled just a little bit in a few areas. My attitude about it all wasn’t always the best either. To make matters worse, my areas of struggle were directly related to my husband’s #1 love language, acts of service.
Ugh! The reality of being a Proverbs 31 woman just didn’t seem realistic or appealing. So what I did is what I always do when I face challenges in life, go to my papa – God!  
After years of skipping and glazing over chapter 31 of the book of Proverbs. I finally decided to not just read but study the chapter with intention and purpose. What I discovered was amazing and within a day’s time, my heart, attitude and perspective of this woman changed. I’m delighted to be able to share my revelation with you on who the Proverbs 31 (P31) woman really is.
1. She’s not a real woman: What? Yea, seriously. I used to think she was a real woman just nameless like the Woman at the Well. However, the P31 woman was a description of a woman, King Lemuel’s mother gave to teach him as a young boy the qualities to look for in a wife. This truth freed me of comparison. Every quality I struggled with didn’t make me less than, now I just saw them as areas I had the opportunity to grow in.
2.  She was actually single: Think about it. King Lemuel’s mother was actually referring to single women since these were qualities she encouraged her son to look for in a future wife. Sooooo…. that means becoming a proverbs 31 woman starts while single not when you say “I do.” (Oops… I sorta missed that memo but I’m getting it together now). I find that many single women view the P31 woman as something they become in the future if/when they get married and have children but nope, this is for the now preparing for later.
 3. She’s a Queen: The description of the P31 woman wasn’t just about any ol’ housewife who wore an apron all day. She was royalty! We’re talking about the wife-to-be of a king, remember? She’s a Queeeen! (She’s Your Queeeeen lyrics from Coming to America just popped in my head. Ha!). She was helping her king run a kingdom. A Queen knows her position, value and authority in her kingdom.
4.  She’s a BOSS:   This point is my favorite! The P31 woman loved God and her family but she was also about her business literally. For whatever reason, she is typically coined as a wife and mother who domestically serves her home and family, but after categorizing each verse her qualities are equally divided.  1/3 of her qualities were about her soul and her relationship with God, another 1/3 focused on her domestic abilities to manage and support her home and family, and the final third showed that she was business-wise and entrepreneurial. This woman didn’t just sit at home cooking and cleaning all day. Nope! She was also using her gifts, talents and expertise to bring in income for her family. However, she was balanced and prioritized while doing it all. I was excited to see the importance of this quality in her life. I’m all about pursuing purpose and using our gifts as women.
As cliché as the Proverbs 31 woman might be to some, she is truly a woman I strive to be. A woman of God who fully understands her worth and value, happily married, with successful relationships with her husband, children and community but yet a wise and a bomb business woman.

Categories
Marriage

5 Steps to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage

Praying Couple

I visited a church recently where the pastor told me, “Our church is facing an epidemic. Six or seven of our couples are getting divorced.” I was astonished. More than that, though, I was hurt. I would never condemn or judge a couple facing divorce. I’ve actually walked with couples in the middle of divorce and I have never heard such brokenness.
I have heard the pain of divorce being compared to death—because, in a way, it is.
Most of the people I know who have endured divorce had legitimate reasons to pursue it. I’m not talking to the people who have wept, agonized, and sought God’s face in marital crisis. This article is for before we reach that point.
Divorce should have never become trendy in Hollywood. But it is. Divorce should have never become a symbol of liberty and newfound identity, because marriage should do that. One of the unfortunate things about divorce is when a person entertains it as an option. A seed is planted.
These are five things that every individual should do before divorce ever becomes an option.

  1. Pray and listen. Don’t just present your case to the Lord without intending to listen. (This isn’t really prayer; it’s more like a monologue that the Lord listens in on). As in every area of our Christian walk, we want to be led by the Holy Spirit. Listen-to that still, small voice. Listen-to what He says in His Word. Listen-to godly council in your life.
  2. Fast. Fast for your spouse. Fast for your destiny. Fast for your marriage. When we fast, we smother the worldly appetites of the flesh and apprehend our souls to communion with Christ. Fasting will expose selfish motives and align us rightly with God’s ways. Carnality will be under the knife in a devoted fast.
  3. Get counseling. This is one of the first things people think of, but it is extremely effective. Finding another married couple with years of experience to mentor you is a great way to see what you haven’t been able to on your own. As many great marriage counselors say, even if your spouse won’t go with you, you should at least go. This brings me to the next point…
  4. Look at yourself. When someone we love was in the middle of a huge marital crisis, my wife told the woman, “This isn’t a marriage problem. There are deep issues that need to be looked at; the marriage is a byproduct.” Is this a marriage problem or a me problem? I believe in personal revival. From a broad perspective, true revival, where Christ’s Kingdom saturates every man, woman, girl, and boy, begins when I look at my need for Christ and respond. In marriage, what toxic thoughts, words, or deeds am I pouring into the marriage?
  5. Fight! Don’t go down easy! Before divorce becomes a possibility, fight against hell’s war on marriage! Spiritual warfare is a crucial part of a Christ-centered marriage. Use your heavenly resources to fight for and protect “what God has joined together!” (Matthew 19:6) I know it hurts. I know there was fault on his or her part. I believe people when they say they pleaded and prayed for God to save the marriage! Now, before being driven to the courthouse steps, stand on God’s purpose for your marriage! Pray that the devourer (Satan) will be forced back and that the Lord would reveal any hidden bitterness. Remind the enemy Whose you are and that you believe in Godly marriage!

Yes, divorce is real and it’s taking out thousands of marriages. Let us be found standing and believing that God’s beautiful plan for marriage will stand, and that our marriages will spark a marriage revival—where divorce has no name.
 
 

Categories
Finances Home

2 Ways You Are Sabotaging Your Business

Young mixed race woman smiling while standing in the door of her cafe with her arms folded proud to be the owner of a small business

by Calandra Thompson  & Culus Williams
We are predestined with purpose before we are born into this world. God positioned us for the post that he had already promised. God has given each of us gifts to edify the body of Christ and to glorify his name.
God has given some of us the entrepreneur spirit to start our own business. Not everyone is graced to have this gift. People with this gift seek to be game changers in a particular business field. You were born with the gift to change the game.
1 Peter 4:10 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. (NIV)
The gift that God has given you isn’t for you but it’s to serve his people. Through you, other people will be blessed and inspired to continue on this journey we call life. Sometimes we allow our flesh to rise above our God given talents. Here are two ways you might be sabotaging your business.
1. Customer Service
The way your customers are treated can make or break your business. Every employee, including the owner should have some type of customer service training. Customer service is the important factor that sets your business apart from the competitors. Your staff should be friendly, knowledgeable, and available to meet the needs of the customers.
Poor customer service leaves a bad impression on the customer. The customer may even write a bad review online or post a status on their Facebook page that just may go viral. Be careful that you’re treating each client with dignity and respect. Your business will continue to thrive if you’re maintaining good customer relations.
2. Cut it
We have found that many small business owners choose to offer a similar product to their competitors but at a higher cost. “Your price is way too high, you need to cut it!” If you’re creating bars of soap don’t attempt to sell one bar of soap for $25.00. When the consumer could go to Wal-Mart and purchase 8 bars for $6.00. Think about the demographics and the community you are servicing. Then ask yourself, “Would you pay this amount for the product?” If your answer is “NO” then you need to cut the price.
We understand that your business needs to make a profit. As a business owner it’s your job to keep the production cost as low as possible. Then you have to figure out how much the customer will be willing to pay for the service. Then, the product that you’re offering must be valuable to many not just a few.  
We are glad that God has given you the gift of entrepreneurship. We also want you to be successful in the business that God has placed on your heart. We don’t want you to self-sabotage yourself or the business. We want your business to grow and bless the people that God has connected to you on purpose for a purpose. Remember, your business is the way you serve God and his people.

Categories
Dating/Courting Marriage

The Superpower Every Man Needs From Their Woman

Flirting young African American woman pursing her lips for a kiss and caressing the face of a handsome man in glasses as they enjoy a date together

“The Lord God said “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” Genesis 2:18

Did you know God created women with superpowers? Well, he did. When God created us, he gave us special capabilities to HELP the men in our life progress….and on the flip side, regress!

When I think of a “helper”, I think of someone willing to do what it takes to ensure the goal is met. Someone who is encouraging, speaks positively, and uplifts the one he/she is helping.  The problem is, women are often associated with the terms “nagging” and “complaining” (in our defense, some of us are just stating what we see). Anywho, my point is God equipped us to assist our loved ones (males specifically) across their finish line(s). Problem is, some of us are killing them, their hopes, and dreams before they can reach them.
Proverbs 21:19 “ Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife” Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife”. Why would it be better for a man to live in a desert, rather than with his helpmate, who nags occasionally?  Question…Have you ever tried to work on something and a fly KEPT buzzing around you? How distracting did it become? How much more would you have been able to accomplish had the fly NOT been around.

The same goes for being a helpmate. Men need encouragement! Though they may never express it, they too struggle with insecurities, fears, possibilities and disappointments. To have someone constantly remind you of your shortcomings and failures has a way of killing what little hope was left.

Instead, I challenge those who are in relationships (married or courting) to use your superpowers for good, not evil! Lift the men in your life up, encourage them, remind them of the king that lives within, and watch their drive and motivation kick in! In my experience, men are most concerned with the opinion of those closest to them.
Ladies, with our words alone we have the power to EMPOWER, INSPIRE, PUSH and MOTIVATE our men to be EVERYTHING GOD CALLED THEM TO BE! There’s only one problem, many of us have grown accustom to sharing their flaws, killing their self-esteem and making them feel invaluable, which has the power to hinder them from completing the task they were ultimately sent here to complete.
These last few weeks have been eye opening to me. I’ve learned, the right amount of listening, encouraging, motivating and praying goes much further than my nagging!

Be encouraged.

Categories
Marriage Single

Is Everyone Meant to Get Married?

This is a question I get often as a counselor and one I even wrestled with when I was single. It is not one that can not be easily answered with a simple yes or no. Before I share my opinion on the topic, we will have to take into account cultural norms about marriage including when it should happen and what it means to the culture when someone is single or married etc. Before I answer the question here are some reason why I think some people do not get married:
1. Focused on school and career.
2. Have emotional and spiritual issues that prevent them from finding a mate or committing to a mate.
3. Have unrealistic expectations.
4. Do not know how to be pursued or pursue a woman.
5. They have believed lies about marriage that keep them from committing.
6. Timing.
7. Generational curses and spiritual hindrances.
This is connected to a previous blog I wrote concerning “The One“. I believe that God brings people that are eligible and it is our job to choose them based on biblical standards, core values, and goals etc. What does that mean?
You may have had someone who was a perfect match for you, but due to whatever reason you did not get married, that doesn’t mean no one will come around. According to the CIA fact book, the ratio of men to women right now between 25 and 55 is  one to one, so there is a great chance that he or she is out there.
So why do some people not get married?
Besides the reasons I mentioned above, I do know people who really have no desire for marriage, nothing is wrong with them psychologically, they have simply been given the gift of celibacy and they find fulfillment and joy in serving the Lord and other people. These people most of the times have never  had a desire to be married.
Now how about the ones who desire to be married and are not? I believe that God is a good father, he will not give us desires for something that is beautiful and his design and then just dangle it like a carrot for us to never achieve. What I have seen is that most people who desire marriage and have godly motives towards marriage, have worked out any emotional and faulty beliefs and are walking in purpose eventually get married.
Now you can get married with all those issues, but it is best to make sure you deal with you until the one comes. Do not settle, focus on God and walk in purpose and sooner or later you will find someone walking alongside you.

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

3 Signs You Are Ready for Marriage

people, race, ethnicity and portrait concept - happy african american young woman with open arms in summer park

by Chasity DeLaCruz
“Hey! Don’t burn the marshmallows!” Dad got my attention just in time.  I was trying out a new recipe, and our kitchen had sweet potatoes, baked fish and seasoned veggies scattered all over the place. At that moment in my life, I felt an overflow of love in my heart for the first time which led me to promise myself that one day, I will cook the same dish for my future husband. Not only this, but I wanted to cook only the best food for my better half. This also enlightened me with another realization; this was actually the first sign I saw in myself that I was ready for marriage.
There are many things that can hint to you on your readiness for committing to someone for the rest of your life. The first question you need to ask yourself before preparing for marriage is whether or not you believe God is calling you to be married. Everyone isn’t called to be married, but if you know that marriage is for you and you want to get clear on when you are ready to allow your future spouse in your life, you’re in the right place!
Here are three signs to know you are ready for marriage:

1. You See Your Partner In Your Future

Make sure that you can envision yourself building a legacy with your special someone. Do your long term goals consider your future spouse? Have you thought about how you could serve in ministry with your future mate? These are all ways that a person who is ready for marriage would consider their partner in their future plans.

2. You Are a Team Player

It’s important to understand that getting married is not all about you. Can you imagine yourself serving your partner, even when you don’t feel like it? Will you be willing to cook that meal or listen about their day when all you want to do is rest? Your readiness to be a team player is a big sign that you are prepared to consider marriage.

3. You Understand Your Core Values

The best way to date with a purpose and get aligned with a partner who shares your same values is to get clear on your core values. What is important to your life? What are your top 3 core values? If you are crystal clear on your values, you will have a better change to get a mate with similar values.
 
The bottom line is that being ready for marriage is more about your willingness to accept the level of responsibility and wisdom needed to build your life with a loving partner, and pursue a purpose-driven relationship.  At the right moment, you will have your “Ah ha” moment and realize that you are indeed ready for marriage.
 
About Chasity: Chasity DeLaCruz is the founder and creator of chasitydelacruz.com. She is a wife, mom, missionary and dating strategist. She helps amazing women create their dream relationship by dropping causal dating and taking on dating with a purpose. Chasity has mastered the art of creating a purpose-driven relationship, and she’s an expert at helping women prepare for a God-centered marriage.

Categories
Dating/Courting Marriage

5 Benefits of Marrying Your Best Friend

Portrait Of Happy Young Couple In Garden

As many guy best friends often get stuck in the “friend zone,” here are some points to consider on why your best friend may just be the perfect spouse in the making.
 

  1. You enjoy the same things.

Chances are if he is your best friend, you probably have a few things in common – whether that’s hiking, reading books, your passion for working out, ministry, etc. You probably share common interests that make you enjoy this person’s company. Knowing you like the same things can only help to guarantee that you will always have fun!
 

  1.  They know you better than you know yourself.

 
Although this may not be entirely true, your best friend has the ability to recognize things about you that you may not see for yourself, constantly encouraging you to be the best version of YOU! With marriage being a super friendship, having a partner that supports you and loves you unconditionally for who you are will go a long way.
 

  1. What you see is what you get – as in, you know what you are getting into.

When a relationship starts after a friendship, it is likely that you have seen this person at their highest and lowest, through their ups and downs. Starting with a friendship allows you to see how this person will react in different situations because they are not trying to impress you, but are merely being themselves. Friendship allows you to see an individual in their most natural form, before feelings enter and potentially blur judgments or cloud perspective.
 

  1. You share the same morals, values, and beliefs.

Although I don’t think any two people may ever be 100% on the same page, sharing your life with someone that has the same ideology as you will have positive effects on your relationship. It allows you to connect on a deeper level, and ensure the foundation of your own family would be raised up on those same values that are important to you.
 

  1. When the feelings fade, you still like each other.

Feelings are a funny thing – they come and go, but true love is deeper than a feeling. A relationship built on friendship instills a greater, more firm foundation rather than one built on something that is fleeting. You realize you enjoy being around this person because you like who they are as a whole, not just for their looks or something superficial. Aside from feelings, friendship may also carry a deeper sense of trust and loyalty. Often best friends have gone through many seasons with you, and to remain by your side through it all, may give just a glimpse of how your love could stand the test of time.
 
I hope this challenges you to revisit your original thoughts on a friendship you may have. Who knows, your future husband could be that friend you swore you would never date as my husband once said about me.  
 
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

Five Things I Would Tell My Teenage Self About Marriage

This is a little embarrassing for me to admit, but hey, I’m feeling pretty generous today: most of what I learned about romance, I learned from Saved by the Bell. Zack Morris, the smooth-talking, charismatic, “blonde Tom Cruise” protagonist had that effect on lots of men-in-training in the late 80’s to mid 90’s.
As a burgeoning teen in late 90’s, I started to see that reality truly is stranger than fiction. Zack Morris’ charm only had the support and pull of teenagers everywhere because his style was scripted to work. For the rest of us, we allow God to write our story.
My “Zack Morris Worldview” changed me. As I’ve drawn closer to the Lord and come to know the power of grace, and a transformed mind, I’ve learned that there is so much more than a silver tongue: character.
If I could go back in time and walk the halls of my middle school, watching my insecure self attempt to be suave and fit in, I would look him in the eye, place my hand on my shoulder, and say, “Don’t settle for the fool’s gold, Daniel, wait for the treasure trove!”
Here’s what else I would tell him…er, me:
1.  “Promiscuity isn’t cool.” By God’s grace, I saved myself for my wife, but my friends and fellow classmates sure didn’t make it easy. We validated one another by how many people we made out with, how many girls were interested and how far we pushed the boundaries. Teenage Daniel, you don’t need “practice.” The more you save for your beautiful  wife in the future, the better. In fact, King Solomon tells young men to run from the promiscuous woman. (Proverbs 5)
2. ‘Waiting for the one’ is cool. God’s standards of “cool” are way different than the world’s. I waited for my wife. I gave my heart and body to her, by God’s grace. I would never want to shame someone who didn’t know any better, that’s not the point. God can absolutely restore what you gave away when you were blind. The point is that we can so easily plug ourselves into the wrong ideology. You can give yourself away in more ways than just physically.
3. It’s not as hard as cynical people want you to believe. Teenage Daniel had a lot of voices speaking in deafening roars about how hard it is to find love, about the sobering-yet-mythical 50/50 divorce rate. They experienced pain, but I did, too. Who do you bring your brokenness to? I’m so glad that I chose to bring mine to Jesus, so He could heal me. He brought Sarah to me and my anger had cooled; my heart softened.
4. It is hard. Zack Morris had misled me to believe that the right amount of gel, charisma, and sex appeal would get me through the hard stuff. Nope. Relationships require grit and determination. To do things the right way, God’s way, is an arduous, costly, but worthwhile process of growth and maturity.
5. ‘Happily ever after’ isn’t a passive event, it’s a lifelong process that you fight for. Fairy tales are a fun idea, but you don’t get “happily ever after” by osmosis. You get it by loving one another through flaws, challenges, and mistakes, and by celebrating the uniqueness that God has deposited into each one of you.
Relationships are funny little tools that the Lord uses to sharpen and define us, but they also bring so much beauty and depth to our lives when Jesus is the Center. Teenage Daniel, hold on tight: your bride is coming and she’s more than worth the wait!