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Your Wife Needs A Shepherd
Life Happens
What do you do when “life” happens and you become so consumed by your day to day activities that you have succumbed to routine and complacency? Your day is full from the moment that your alarm clock sounds or your children stand over your sleeping body asking for cereal.
You spend your day chauffeuring these pint sized people to and from school and to and from after school activities. You shop for groceries, put away the groceries, and then cook the groceries. Between doing laundry and cleaning the house, you somehow manage to squeeze in a cup of coffee and maybe a meal for yourself. For some all of this has to be juggled around a full work schedule.
In the midst of all of these things, you don’t even realize that have lost your inspiration, the thing that you love to do, the things that gives you that breath of fresh air. Somehow that which gives you life and purpose amongst your “must do’s” has managed to take a back seat so far back that you don’t even remember what it felt like embrace it, wooed by it, inspired by it.
What do you do then?
How do you get back to a place where you are not running on autopilot, but on the inside your heart is smiling with anticipation of doing that one thing that makes you happy?
What is it that you have neglected in your unintentional pursuit of ordinary?
Maybe you a writer with no time to put pen to paper or a photographer who hasn’t been able to see the beauty of nature because of traffic. Perhaps you are musician but life is so cluttered that you would rather sit in silence during your down time than pick up your instrument. No matter what your “thing” is, it’s yours, it’s part of who you are, and it deserves your attention too.
5 Tips to get your inspiration back
- 1. A Vision Board is a great way to remind yourself visually of things that you love. What to put on your vision board: Pictures from a magazine, quotes, or cards, hand written notes or doodles that inspire you. Put the vision board someplace that you will see it often throughout your day
- 2. Think back to the last time that you felt inspired. Where were you? What were you doing? Now think about what has changed since then. If the change can be altered so that it’s not an “inspiration killer” make the necessary changes. If the changes are a necessity, find ways to accommodate those changes in other ways; maybe at different times of the day or on different days all together.
- 3. Join a group or take a class. If you love to cook, take a cooking class. If you are a writer join a book club and allow someone else’s work provoke you to writing again.
- 4. Go somewhere and be still. There are times when our minds are so busy thinking of everything and everyone else that we neglect our own wants and desires. Take a drive, sit on the beach, find a place away from the noise and routine to be alone. Let the scenery and the silence inspire you.
- Just do it. Sometimes the only thing that will get you going again is just to do it. Push past how you feel and just do it. Make time in your schedule and just do it. It may be hard but it will jump start you again.
I get really excited when we have guests over. Whether it be for dinner or overnight, I try to make my guests feel welcomed and comfortable. I find joy in serving others. I know I am honoring God by showing love to His people. It is alright if serving doesn’t come naturally for you because it did not come naturally for me.
It took working as an greeter at church and being told that I am the first face that someone see’s and that a warm welcome can start the healing process. I set the tone for a visitors or members experience. I learned to go the extra mile to make people feel special. I want my guests at my home to feel the same way.
Here are 10 tips to make your next home gathering extra special for your guests.
- Greet your guests at the door with a smile and a beverage as soon as they enter.
- Have candles lit to create an ambiance.
- Place fresh flowers in the bathroom with nice printed napkins or a nice printed hand towel.
- Have refreshments or appetizers to snack on while the main dish is being prepared.
- Have small activities or a few toys laid out for the little guests, this makes the little ones feel special.
- Set your table with nice plates, glasses, silverware and napkins. Here is a diagram of a simple way and formal way to set the table. (Image 2)
- Place essential items (travel toothpaste, toothbrushes, mouthwash, lotions etc) in the guest baths and bedrooms for overnight guests.
- Send your guests home with leftovers so they don’t have to cook tomorrow.
- Serve dessert even if it’s just store bought cookies and ice-cream.
- Make your guests plates and serve them at the table instead of a buffet style.
There are many more things that you can do than these 10 things. Just be creative and think about what makes you feel special and do the same for your guests.
I always saw “Godly marriages”. It was nothing new. I saw strong men that was loved, respected, and supported by his wife. And the husbands adored and protected their wives and family. These were the examples that I saw and wanted to pattern my marriage after.
From what I could tell, the husbands understood their wives and the wives spoke the same language as their husbands. I had no idea what that process looked like, but It’s safe to say that each marriage had its own specific journey. So on January 2, 2009, I began my journey with my wife and there were some things for me to learn…
Little did I know I was marrying a woman that operated strongly in the prophetic realm. To be quite honest, she was growing in her awareness of that as well. There were times that she would hear from the Lord and she would admonish me to change an action or bring to my attention she was aware of a situation and I thought she was being controlling or a know it all.
My misinterpretation was a big point of contention in our marriage. It wasn’t until a couple of years into the marriage that I began to seek an understanding of her gift.
What I realize is that many marriage forums are aimed at being equally yoked and like-minded; however, rarely have I heard of any valiant efforts to understand each other’s gifts and strengths spiritually as well as naturally. So in an effort to pay it forward, here’s what I learned from being married to a prophetic person:
1. The gift of prophecy/office of the prophet carries a heavy burden.
There are times when the prophetic individual experiences correction for others and the prophet doesn’t want to be perceived as judgmental; they battle with saying what they see because they don’t want to offend.
2. Prophetic individuals are super-sensitive to the supernatural realm.
This is important to understand as it relates to environments and relationship building. A prophetic individual’s ability to exist in certain environments may seem limited, but it’s because of the things that they are discerning in the spirit realm that may be “off”.
3. Prophetic individuals pray ALOT!
I mention this because it seemed kind of odd to me that my wife would start praying randomly while driving in the car or in a movie theatre. Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a weirdo that walks around praying obtusely in public, but I’ve noticed that with her and others, their prayer life is quite robust!
4. A prophetic individual’s tone and presence is often very strong.
When they speak, it’s with the full weight and glory of the Lord. (Let that sink in for a minute.) Because they have been in the presence of God so much during prayer, they carry His countenance on them tremendously.
5. Prophetic individuals are very watchful and perceptive, often picking up on things that are uncommon and overlooked. My wife will see the cause of something before the outcome is even revealed.
I highlight just a few elements of prophetic people in an effort to help someone that is married to a person with these gifts. The burden of that gift is heavy and the spouse must understand that reality and do everything possible to undergird them in love, truth, prayer, and intimacy. When I started to understand these things, it put my wife at ease and lifted tension from our marriage.
Do everything possible to understand your spouse’s gifts. Accept them without judgment or opinion and help them to develop it. The gift that they have is for your family and God’s kingdom!
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Date Me, Don't Use Me
Have you ever been in a relationship that you were skeptical about? It only seemed that the person you were dating reached out to you when it was convenient? I can remember the first time I was cheated on. I was so excited that I had just got into a relationship with a young lady who seemed PERFECT!
I was showing a picture of her to a friend who instantly recognized the young lady as his cousin’s girlfriend. Although embarrassed, I played it off like it did not faze me. As you can imagine, I confronted her about it and made the decision to end that situation all together. I figured, we are not married and neither can I see myself planning a future with someone who starts out untrustworthy.
But what about those who stay?
I used to believe that it was common sense for couples who weren’t in covenant relationship to leave the cheater, but more and more I have found that people will stay for reasons that aren’t even worth it. You may have heard some of the excuses, “We look good together though”, “As long as they are here at night”, or the infamous “It’s cool, because I have my own side pieces too!”
While this may seem comical, most of you who are reading this know it to be more than true! In an instance like this, I am always reminded that not everyone understand their worth. Not the cheater or the one being cheated on!
A cheater goes to and from seeking to fill their voids. You can find a cheater getting dressed up and smelling good just to catch whatever would get caught on the hook they reel out. The mistake that the cheater make is not filling their voids with the right stuff, and by neglecting to do so, continues to worsen their predicament.
If my car warns me to refuel, and I fill the tank up with water, if it doesn’t break down first it will completely shut down on me eventually. If the cheater does not seek God to teach them real love and relationship, they will continue to slay the destinies of those they trample over. I am reminded of the scripture in Proverbs 25:28 as the message bible captures the essence of the verse, “A person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out.”
In other words, anything and everybody can come in and out as they please because you don’t have the right stuff protecting you from the elements! In relationships, the other person treats you how you treat yourself!
If you know your worth and value, both men and women, then you have given the person you date some standards to reach. I know you would probably agree with me, that I don’t want to be my mate’s number one; I want to be her ONLY one!
If you are the cheater, be real with God and tell Him that you struggle but want to be free. God will come in and begin to transition you from whom you used to be into who you were called to be. If you are being cheated on, let God know how bad it hurts.
Tell Him that you need help getting rid of the soul tides you’ve developed and that you want God to validate you and not the one that you are dating. For the both of you, pray and ask God to fill every void in EVERY area, because you can’t afford to make a decision one day to spend the rest of your life EMPTY with the wrong person!
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Why I Chose Celibacy? 5 Reasons to Abstain
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Should I Get Married?
I’ve been writing for Married and Young for nearly a year now and I have really enjoyed blogging about being married God’s way. I’ve written about how to learn your spouses language, how to pamper your wife, and even what I learned while courting my wife.
During all of this I overlooked a very important detail. This is all well and good for those who are married, but what about the one who is not married?
What would I say to you?
I would say that while you are single before you begin preparing for marriage, make sure you ask God if you should even be married.
What?….
Doesn’t God want everyone to be married? No, not necessarily. If you ask Paul he says that you can actually be more effective in ministry when you are single. Once you become married you become more preoccupied with what your spouse wants than what God wants (Romans 7:34).
I am by no means saying that you shouldn’t get married so that you can focus on ministry. What I am saying is that you shouldn’t get carried away in what God has not ordained for your life. As with everything you must first seek God. Be not presumptuous and ask Him if marriage is in His plan for your life.
M&Y What are your thoughts on this?
1. Does God want everyone to be married?
2. Does He give us a choice whether or not we marry?
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The Problem with Dating
Dating is a selection process, to determine whether a person is the right one through compatibility and ‘feel good’ approaches. Courting is a Choosing God’s Best or God’s Word-based selection process- to which you measure the person based on Christ-likeness and suitability.
The problem with dating is that dating (if done without any intention of commitment) is a practice for divorce. For instance, when you or those close to you figure that there is something you don’t like about a person, you’re out- leaving the other person feeling abandoned in thier feelings. Dating gives you the freedom to be more judgmental and critical of the other person. In courtship you focus on yourself and (getting the ‘speck out of your eye’) prepare yourself for the other person- regardless of their flaws and imperfections.
You date often with your guard up, and having many dating partners can take away from you’re “stick-to-it-ness” or your desire to be committed to anyone. Whenever commitment is brought up in a dating relationship- the decision making process to commit to them on greater levels comes with confusion, maybe even contention, as you try to figure out the real reason why you’re in the relationship to begin with.
Courting allows you to hear from God early on and get confirmation that will cause you to develop in your loyalty to them as time goes on. In dating, you can tend to hold the other person at gunpoint- or have an imaginary rubric that you’re grading them on- which in most cases is unfair the other person is revealing their true self (flaws and all). In courtship you shouldn’t have to prove or put pressure on yourself to be a specific person.
In courtship- Be yourself! Courtship is when you allow yourself and the other person to be who they are- and you allow God’s word concerning husband and wife to guide you in the match-making process. This process helps you work on forgiveness, transparency, reconciliation; and if there is a rupture in the relationship, restoration is another process. Dating teaches breaking up as a means to resolve issues. Courtship teaches making up, restoration, reconciliation, forgiveness, and unconditional love.
Courtship prepares you to be a gift to the other person, and even with ths other person’s flaws and all, you allow God to present that person to you as a gift. For two are better than one. How great is it to have another person in your life who prays for you on the companionship level- and their committed.
Courtship brings about transparency. Dating protects only you and not the other person. Courtship is when you both fight together. Dating brings about hidden agendas, secrets, and unfair expectations on the other person through veiled emotions.
In the back of a dating person’s mind is the question: “Can I really be loyal to this person?” In courtship, you answer that question early on with the help of the Holy Spirit, and you understand that I can be loyal to the person with God’s help (to which there is nothing that can separate us except God’s revelation to the both of us).
However the problem exists when two people are in a relationship, but one person is dating (them in their mind) and the other is courting (the other person in their mind). In that situation, there is no mutual agreement (Amos 3:3). This means you two need to start talking, reasoning, and consider what is before you. If not, in this scenario, there will be a clash of intention, will, and desire. This could lead to one person being covenant minded, and the other person convenience minded moving forward.
There needs to be an understanding, that if Christ is in this relationship then we must acknowledge Him first, and He will direct your paths. Prayer, fasting, and studying the Word together will allow you to grow together in the Vision of God for your lives. Do not allow the enemy to divide you amongst wills, but get on the same page through commitment, loyalty, and purity first.
M&Y Guest Writer: Brian K.Cunningham is a highly sought after motivational speaker, life coach. An ordained minister and author of 7 books ranging from self-help to fiction, Brian is a proven leader amongst his peers. Brian has a B.S. in Psychology, M.A. in Teaching, and a Doctorate in Christian Education & Counseling. Brian is a Board certified Pastoral Counselor and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Brian is available for conferences, retreats, Christian counseling and small group sessions. Brian’s ministry specializes in deliverance, healing, restoration, reconciliation, faith, stewardship, all in the name of Christian education and counseling.
In order to have a purpose Driven Marriage, you must operate in the:
The power of Agreement
Amos 3:3 states clearly, “How can two people walk together unless they can agree…?” As couple, we must work out every issue with agreement in mind. Two people must be courageous enough to see eye to eye or else they’ll be going ‘eye for an eye’.
A couples’ maturity depends on their mutual understanding of the purpose for their relationship. Whenever one or both people don’t understand the purpose of dating, courting, or marriage then abuse is inevitable. This means that you will destroy a relationship, if there is no purpose or mutual end goal. I’ve set in my heart that dating is for marriage.
Courtship is to discover yourself and the other person in relationship to you being “God’s Best” for them in the aspect of service, sacrifice, and suitability. Marriage is when you bring all that you are into a loving, committed, and Holy union. Therefore, there has to be some strict agreements. Before you marry a person, check their commitment history. Do they break commitments often? Do they have a shaky relationship history when it comes to keeping their word? Marriage is not a contract but marriage is Covenant. Contracts can be broken, but covenant commitments are purposed last a lifetime.
The power of Emergence
A sense of urgency is so important for couples to make it last. Acts 2:45 expresses that the early church sold their possessions and lived as though Christ were coming back soon. Well, in a covenant relationship, there should be an urgency of care, concern, and compassion for one another. This means that a couple should be willing to drop any and everything and consider their marriage as priority.
This means that they should learn the principle of: Stop, Serve, and Sacrifce. Yes, both individuals in a courtship or marriage relationship need to know when to slow down. take time out to serve one another and sacrificially sow value into their relationship so that it can produce good fruit.
The Power of Reciprocity
To be on one accord, means that a couple must learn to build upon a healthy foundation of positive: feedback, counsel, and resolution. In other words, a couple should always be talking about the issues that matter to them the most without allowing themselves to hoard or harbor insecurities. There needs to be a healthy dialogue regarding their husband and wife roles and a consistent vision or goal setting session to help them hold each other accountable. Yes, the marriage and family should operate like a small business with unconditional love as the dynamic that holds everything together.
M&Y Guest Writer: Brian K.Cunningham is a highly sought after motivational speaker, life coach. An ordained minister and author of 7 books ranging from self-help to fiction, Brian is a proven leader amongst his peers. Brian has a B.S. in Psychology, M.A. in Teaching, and a Doctorate in Christian Education & Counseling. Brian is a Board certified Pastoral Counselor and a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. Brian is available for conferences, retreats, Christian counseling and small group sessions. Brian’s ministry specializes in deliverance, healing, restoration, reconciliation, faith, stewardship, all in the name of Christian education and counseling.
