Category: Single

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Dating/Courting Engaged Single

How Dating the Wrong Person Almost Killed my God-Given Gifts

Couple not talking after a fight on the sofa in living room at home

Keep Watch over your heart, it’s where life starts Proverbs 4:23 (MSG)
 
For those who knew me as a child, they’d say I was extremely jovial, always cracking jokes, loved having fun, in addition to being extremely compassionate! I loved to see people smile, and would do everything in my power to contribute to the happiness of other’s. Well, right around junior year of high school that began to change, it got worse in college, but in grad school my old personality began to resurface once more.
 
What happened within those 6 years? I know now that I offered my God-given gifts to those who abused it. No matter how much they misused me and my gifts, I continued to offer them. Eventually, I began to despise who God created me to be. At that time I blamed God, “If you would have never made me this way, I wouldn’t be so hurt”.
 
The one situation that hurt me the most occurred in college. My grandfather passed in February of 2009, afraid of being by myself, I requested the presence of the guy I was dating. He came to my dorm (one floor away) for what seemed like 30 minutes and complained the entire time, “Can I leave?” “Do you still need me up here?” I let him leave. But, I remember when he was having a hard time with his parents divorce. I jumped in my car and drove 45 minutes to make sure he wasn’t alone. And, that’s only one of many examples. Slowly but surely, the mistreatment of those in my life turned me into a cold-hearted young lady. I now associated compassion with weakness, and jovialness as a “joke”.
 
It wasn’t until graduate school that I grew tired of being mean, unhappy, and living a life unfulfilled! I knew that wasn’t the life God created me to live simply because it was hard to maintain! As we know, God’s burden is light and his yoke is easy; for me there was nothing easy about being mean and melancholy. As time progressed, the more I worshiped, the more I felt what wasn’t mine (meanness and a lack of compassion) lift off of me. Oh, and it feels amazing to be the person God created me to be once more.
 
Of all of this, I’ve learned to protect my God-given gifts in any and every relationship, both romantic and non-romantic. When dating, be sure to date those who sharpen your gifts, not stifle them. As a therapist to adolescent, a CEO of a mentoring organization, and servant in ministry, its impossible to thrive without a smile and compassion. It’s almost as if the enemy saw what my future was comprised of, so he did his best to shut it down; his weapon of choice….dating. Don’t allow your desire for companionship to kill the very thing you were created for.
 
Be encouraged and protect your gifts at any cost!
 
Shannon C Colar
Lovebyencouragement.com

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Dating/Courting Single

5 Stages of a Relationship Done God's Way Training

 
 
 
 
 
Click the picture to learn more!
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We’re so excited for this training that is going to help you go from saying Hello for the first time all the way to saying, “I Do” for the last time with no regrets and fully confident you’re marrying God’s best for you.
The 5 Stages of a Relationship training will provide you with a roadmap for what to do within each stage of a relationship as you progress and all doing it God’s way.
Click here to learn more. 

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Single

Did God Really Tell Me Who “The One” Is?

Being single is rough because our minds can begin to wonder about who the one is and how we are going to meet them. So many of us can quickly get deceived into believing that God told us who we are supposed to marry. We need to be very diligent because God rarely speaks this way. Sometimes our desires can get confused with God’s voice, and that is why we have to be extra discerning about the men and women around us!
 
Here are two practical ways that can help you discern whether you are listening to God’s voice correctly or not:
 
1. Be extremely honest with yourself.
Go back to the time before you “heard” God tell you who the one is, and ask yourself several questions. Was it really God’s voice telling you he/she is the one, or do you just need to admit that you like this person?
How did their name even come up in a conversation with you and God in your prayer time? Could it be possible that you desired so much to have some one like this person, that you felt God wanted the best for you, so you turned it into a yes? God wants the best for us and this is why, before asking God a question, we have to be ready to hear the answer no matter what it is.
 
2. Look at the history you have with this person.
Have you been friends for a long time? How often do you hang out? Have they ever brought up a dating conversation? Do you have peace about them? Get to the root of the situation.
When the right person comes along, there should be no confusion on their intentions towards you. Ladies, the right guy knows what he wants and will not hesitate to go after you. Men are pursuers in nature. A wise woman once said, “The right man will wake up one morning and know who his bride is.” Men, the right woman is going to be for you and not against you.
 
God will not tell you who the one is in order for you to suffer, get confused, or struggle. Many of us make this situation worse because we look for ways in which God can confirm if this person is the one. This is so dangerous because our desires can sometimes appear in our dreams, making the situation overly-spiritual.
Love is a choice, therefore it has to be mutual. If God speaks to one, He will also speak to the other. Even if we think we have heard God’s voice, we need to be discerning, patient, and never settle that person is the one in your heart until…like Solomon says, “Do not awaken love until it so desires” (SS 2:7). Ladies, let this man desire you and pursue you like you deserve! Men, if you are pursing and she is playing games, do not waste your time!
 
If you know you struggle with this, do a heart-check. Begin to declare the word of God in your prayer time and renew your mind.  I encourage you, pray for your husband/wife, but be careful not to go too far. God wants us to marry the right person, but first we have to stay focused and be faithful in this season of singleness.
Do not settle, and trust God that he knows you well enough to bring your spouse at the right time. No matter how long you have waited, it will be worth it. Do not be deceived, and save yourself from heartache. Let’s stand strong by not allowing any distractions come our way. Pick up your weapon of choice and remember; you are mighty through God.
Do you desire to marry the one?
Join Jamal and Natasha Miller, Founder’s of Married and Young for a SPECIAL 1 Hour FREE WEBINAR.
Click here to register now! 
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Single

FREE SINGLE'S WEBINAR: What Every Unmarried Person Better Know the Difference Between When Desiring to Marry the One

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Communication Dating/Courting Marriage Single

Balancing Life, Careers, and Love: 25 Tips to Being A Good Steward Over Your Time

Matt 25:29: “To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away.”
As we approach fall, I become a little anxious of all the tasks ahead. Aside from spending time with God daily, work, mentoring organizations, ministry, sitting on the board of another organization, friendships and day to day life, I have a whole relationship to make sure I don’t neglect. If I’m not careful, I’ll allow my anxiety to completely overwhelm me, ultimately shutting me down.
With that said, here are few tip to ensure you manage all the God has given you properly, including your boo:
Time Management and Relationships
-Communicate your weekly to-dos.
-Schedule at least two major “hang-outs” per month, the rest can be spontaneous.
-Don’t waste your time together arguing.
-Make the most of date night, do more than the movies and dinner.
-Talk on the phone and send sweet text messages.
-Adhere to you significant other’s love language when together.
-Turn off or silence cellular devices.
Making Time For God
-Read a daily devotional
-Ride in silence to work, praying over your day and week.
-Schedule daily alone time with God, and keep to it.
-Journal (I keep my journal with me at all times).
-Find an accountability partner.
-Read on chapter a day from a book of you choosing.
Day-To-Day
-Create a list of your current commitments.
-Eliminate commitments that do not line up with your purpose, or no longer bring you joy.
-Learn to say no.
-Put EVERYTHING on a calendar.
-Prepare for your week On Sunday Night.
-Create a to-do list.
-Focus on the task at hand.
Taking care of Yourself
-Schedule “Me” time, and stick to it.
-Identify your coping skills (things that relax you).
-Eat healthier, for more energy.
-Do something by yourself, a movie or dinner.
-Try something new.
It is imperative that you are a good steward over that which God has blessed you with, that goes for careers, relationships, friendships and your anointing. God cannot and will not bless you with greater if you are unable to manage what He’s blessed you with already! Seriously, how can God give you a significant other when you haven’t learned how to make time for Him, or a spouse when you and your boyfriend/girlfriend don’t spend quality time, or children when you barely have time for your husband/wife! Take the first step to being a good steward over what God has given you by managing it more effectively and balancing life!
Best,
Shannon C Colar
1st Corinthiams 4:2- Moreover it is required in stewards that a man be found faithful

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Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage Single

4 Ways to Prepare to Become a Husband Before You're Married

It’s very common for teachers, coaches, and parents to impress upon their children the power of belief. A child that believes in his or herself opens their minds up to the possibilities of achieving greatness. It is in this vein that Proverbs reminds us that as a man thinks, so is he. With that in mind, we as men can’t just turn on the husband gene. We have to enter into a process to get ready. A series of mental, spiritual, and emotional steps must be taken before “she” can be taken.
 
 
So, I will share with you 4 Ways to Prepare to Become a Husband before You’re Married:
 
1. Get your health in order.
You first owe it to God, then everyone else. Scripture says that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. It would shows utter reverence and gratitude to the Lord to take care of your body! As a result of establishing a healthy lifestyle before marriage, you will set the example for your future wife and children and lead them to greatness in a healthy lifestyle.
 
2. Have a life plan!
Some say it is ideal that a man be “established” (whatever that means) before getting married. I have a different perspective on that: have a plan. Being a man with a plan, shows that you are calculated, focused, and have vision. Having everything already “figured out”, often times, doesn’t leave room for the input of your fiancee/wife.
 
3. Have a system of accountability
Let’s face it…sometimes we, as men, can be dumb. It’s in our DNA. When our less than perfect moments arise, we need a system of accountability in place that will check us and help steer us back on the path of our plan. We are told, in Proverbs, that our plans can succeed with many counselors. A trustworthy accountability system will keep you sharp, show your potential wife that you are not above correction, and that you can answer to someone.
 
4. Set defined boundaries
Boundaries are needed in all relationships, but they need to be forged even more in a marriage. Setting safe, healthy, and defined boundaries before you’re married will diminish the possibility of outsiders overreaching when you are happily married. Additionally, it can help facilitate the conversation about family’s and friend’s boundaries. Fellas, the game night has to be put in its place. Mom, can’t be the first one you tell about your day. The principle of “leave and cleave” applies to all relationships that were in place before your marriage. You don’t have to stop them, but they need to be put in their proper secondary/tertiary place.
 
Gentlemen, the list could go on, but start with these. This will set you on a healthy path to begin journey on becoming a husband.
 

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Dating/Courting Single

10 Scriptures to Help You Through a Break Up

 
When a relationship doesn’t work out it can be very challenging having to adjust back to life without that person. Depending on how long and how serious the relationship and commitment was, the time it takes you to move forward will vary. I had one serious break up during college with a young lady that I one time believed I was going to marry.
 
Even though I was the one that ended the relationship, I still had times after the break up that I second-guessed my decision. It was during that time I had to turn to the Word of God to help me through that season of adjusting back to life without that person. I had to trust God’s leading regarding His future plan for my life.
 
If you have been broken up with, then God’s word will help you remember that God is in control and that the best is yet to come.
 
Here are the 10 scriptures that helped me during that season of my life:
 
1. Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will straight your paths.”
 
2. Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
 
3. Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall their be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
 
4. John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the World gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”
 
5. Isaiah 41:10 ““Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
 
6. Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”
 
7. Isaiah 55:8 “’For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord.”
 
8. Psalm 27:14 “Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.”
 
9. 1 Corinthians 14:33 “For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace.“
 
10. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. “
 
 
Going through a breakup is never easy, but when we turn our focus to God and mediate on the promises of His word, we are able to be comforted in a tough time. His word promises that He has good plans for you (Jer 29:11), that you cannot even dream up all the good things that God has prepared for those who love Him (1 Cor 2:9), and that there is a future hope for you that will not be cut off (Prov 23:18). Take heart! God is with you.

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Dating/Courting Home Single

2 Ways God Will Reveal Your Spouse to You

Portrait Of Happy Young Couple In Garden

I can remember my single years like it was yesterday and how I continuously asked God how He was going to reveal my spouse to me. Would a light come out of the sky? Would she glow like an angel? Would I hear trumpets play when our eyes caught each other?
 
There are no two stories that are the same, but there are two things we can learn from the marriage of Adam and Eve that help us to see both how and when God will reveal your spouse to you.
 
1. God Will Reveal Your Spouse in the Right Season.
We see with Adam and Eve that Adam was living his life in complete purpose before God decided it was time for him to have a helpmate that was suitable to help him for the next phase of fulfilling his destiny.
Adam was right where God wanted him and doing exactly what He called him to do, and that my friend is one of the biggest keys to God revealing to you your spouse.
You must be in the right season of your life before God will reveal your spouse. God’s ways are so much higher than our ways, and He knows exactly what He is doing.
What does it look like to be in the right season? A season that God’s peace will be able to be released into the relationship. What does a wrong season look like? Maybe you’re still getting over another relationship, or you may have a lot of unhealthy opposite sex friendships that are preventing you from recognizing the one because your attention is focused in  other places.
This is all pivotal for being in the right season where your heart is fixed on God and his purpose for your life.
2. God Will Reveal Your Spouse In the Right Environment.
The next key thing we see with Adam and Eve is that Adam was in the right environment that was conducive for his development, growth, and fulfillment of purpose.
Now, how does that transfer into today’s World since we no longer have a Garden of Eden to live in.
Finding yourself in the right environment today means being around the right people and spending time in the right places. Why is this important? Because God requires in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that we be equally yoked with in our relationships. By putting ourselves in the right environments, its most likely we will meet someone who also is spending their time with the right people and in the right places.
These are two key in positioning yourself to be in a place where God can reveal your spouse. When you take the time to be faithful in the season that you’re in and also be sure to center yourself with the right people in the right places, then you are setting yourself up for a successful revealing of your spouse
 
 

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Single

10 Qualities of a Man Ready for Marriage

I started thinking about my unmarried or newly married friends and their dating/courting relationships. After you have committed to someone and have dated exclusively for some time, how do you know when you are ready to take the leap of faith and get married?
Marriage is wonderful but it can come with it’s challenges so you need to be prepared emotionally, spiritually, and financially to be happy beyond the wedding day.
This post is focused on the man especially since he is the head of the relationship. I have listed 20 qualities that I believe are attributes of a man ready for marriage. I decided to break this up into two separate articles to keep this one from being a book chapter instead of a blog post. Stay tuned for Part 2 and “Qualities of a Woman ready for a Godly Marriage”.
1. Seeks God with his whole heart-
Psalm 119: 9-11
9 How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.
10 I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
The scripture says in order to keep yourself pure, hide His word in your heart. Seeking Him with your whole heart will keep you focused on pleasing God in all that you do.
2. Attends, gives and serves at a church
As a saved young woman, I have heard this line many times, “You are a Christian (or saved), oh that’s cool, I go to church, I am a member of…” I am happy that you “go to church”, but I believe you are a true member when you have invested your time, resources and talents to this church. The church cannot run itself without it’s members.
Your local church will be blessed by your help. What areas of the church are you serving in? How can you be a blessing to your pastor and members? I have found that serving in the church keeps you grounded, accountable and you learn so much about yourself and the life of Jesus by serving His people.
3. Has godly friends- Having godly friends will also help with accountability. Having friends who are walking with Jesus that will give you godly advice and will understand your struggles, praises, and will encourage your spiritual growth. The scripture says in Proverbs 27:17 that “Iron sharpens Iron”.
4. Has a good relationship with his family- I know all families are not perfect, but is there communication and respect with and towards the family.
This is important because if there are majors signs of dysfunction in the family, this unfortunately can filter over into your marriage. You will need to have open communication about the future in-laws.
5. Prays with and encourages you to pursue God more while he is pursuing you- The man is the head of the household. He will need to treat the bride as Jesus does the church. The Lord of Lord’s desires a church without spot or blemish.
Jesus loves us with an everlasting love. A godly man will want his wife to be all that God has called her to be. A godly man will want his woman to put God first before him.
6. Has a job or career- The husband will be the provider of the family and head of the household. He will need a job or is working (in school) to obtain a career.
7. Encourages you to  pursue your passion and goals- He will not be intimidated or will not limit his woman’s God given gifts.
8. Abstains from sexual immorality and fornication-
1 Thessalonians 4: 3-5
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;
1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
The above scriptures describes those that fall to lust as those who do not know God. God does not want you to corrupt your body with this sin. Having sex outside of marriage will bring on a slew of problems into a pure relationship.
It is created for husband and wife only to enjoy. If you are not abstaining from this, you are sinning against God and your body.
This will keep the enemy from corrupting your union before it has even started. If this has already happened in your relationship, please seek Godly counsel on how to proceed with your relationship.
This goes back to being involved in a church, having Godly friends, and being guided by your pastor. Your support system will help you as a couple get back on track.
9. Communicates with you about his past, his struggles, and future- You do not want to have any surprises before you say “I do”.
10. Enjoys spending time with you- My grandfather who had been married for almost 60 years before he passed, gave me and Joel this one piece of marriage advice, “Have fun with each other.”
You want to enjoy your time together even if you are doing something that you don’t want to do. It shows that you want to invest in getting to know your mate and showing them how much you love and appreciate them.
 

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Dating/Courting Home Single

9 Questions to Ask Yourself If Your Dream is to be Married

I think it’s easy to focus on so many other variables besides ourselves when it comes to marriage. Finding the ‘love of your life,’ having a beautiful wedding, or , what the kids will look like, etc.
The problem is, when we focus so much on what we don’t have control over in the future, it can take our attention away from what we can control in the present.
I do believe God created us to dream, and that He’s even placed those dreams within us.
But I also believe He calls us to steward our time well, and therefore I think it’s safe to say it’s important we use the time before marriage wisely.
If you are in a season of being single, I challenge you to ask yourself the following hard questions:
1. Are there things I want to do before I share my life with somebody?
2. Am I really working on my weaknesses or do I pass them off for being ‘a part of who I am?
We all have weaknesses, but that doesn’t mean we should ignore them or excuse ourselves from working on them. It’s much easier to hide them when you are by yourself.
3. What does marriage mean to me?
I may not be married, but I’ve been around married people enough to know that it’s not just butterflies and bliss 24/7. I’m not saying fairy tale marriages are impossible, but if you’re expecting it to be easy you may need to do some more research before getting married.
4. What is my view of God?
God designed marriage, so He is the ultimate expert. Focusing on your relationship with Him will naturally prepare you to be ready for marriage, along with establishing a foundation that will be vital to your relationship with your spouse (and others in your life!).
5. Am I praying for my future spouse?
6. Have I dealt with my insecurities?
Insecurities have a way of wreaking havoc on relationships. If you’re not at peace with yourself, it’s going to be difficult to feel at peace in a relationship. If you have insecurities that haven’t been dealt with, find the root and get rid of them!
7. Would I be a financial burden to somebody?
I’m not sure financial problems are an attractive quality. You may as well get on top of your finances now so that it doesn’t create tension in your marriage later.
8. Do I know who I was created to be?
Knowing what you’re meant to do with your life will help you to find the right type of person to partner up with. If you’re not sure, this would be a good time to get some clarity on your destiny.
9. Am I an ideal spouse (for my ideal spouse)?
Bear with me on this question… Are you the type of person that the type of person you want to marry would want to marry? It’s fun to think about the qualities you want in a spouse, but the reality is, they have to choose you too!
Ultimately, the more you spend time improving yourself instead of dreaming of what is to come, the better chance that dream will be fulfilled and exceeded!
 
M&Y! What are some other questions to ask yourself if you desire to get married?