If you’re anything like me, you could rattle off a handful of characteristics that you’re looking for in a spouse. Ranging from values, to appearance, to similar interests, it’s easy to dream up the ‘ideal spouse’ and filter your dating experiences through that lens. While that’s all fine and dandy, I believe there are some characteristics that require a little more scrutiny and often get overlooked, but can greatly impact the quality of a long-term relationship. Here are a few traits to search for if you’re wanting to find someone who will be your forever person.
1) Someone That Will Choose You
The idea of a marriage where both people are head over heels in love every minute sure is a nice thought, but… completely unrealistic. If you are dating someone that seems to be looking for that type of relationship, you’ll want to get a deeper understanding of how they view marriage and how they will handle adversity before it gets serious. Look for a person who knows that there is intentionality involved in a commitment.
2) Someone Who is Open to Self-Improvement
If the person you’re interested in makes comments like ‘this is just the way I am,’ or ‘I’ve always done things this way’ you may want to ask more questions to see where they stand on self-improvement. Marriage involves compromise, so if your significant other is set in his/her ways, it could create some major conflict later on. But if your love interest is working on weaknesses and is wanting to continually better themselves, there is a great chance that they will carry that into a marriage – allowing an opportunity for both of you to be your best for the other!
3) Contentedness
Is the person you’re dating happy with themselves and their life as it is? Or are they constantly looking for the next best thing? If he/she doesn’t seem to be content, they might be looking to you to be their source of happiness. If this is the case, it’s inevitable that either a) you will get burnt out trying to keep them happy or b) they will look for someone or something else to fill that void. True contentedness comes from a rooted identity in God, and when both people are grounded in that truth, there is an added stability to the relationship.
4) Values What You Value
Simply put – you will want to be with someone who cares about your dreams and desires if you want to really thrive in those areas of your life. If your significant other isn’t interested in the areas of your life that you are most passionate about, it could easily bring discouragement and tension. Note – this doesn’t mean that you have to share the exact same passions.
5) Sees the Big Picture
Does your significant other have long term plans? Are they careful with their finances? Do they know what they want to do career-wise? Do they know if they want to have a family? These are areas of life that could significantly affect both of you down the road, and so it’s important to find out where he/she stands on these issues before getting serious.
6) Has a Positive View on Family
Our histories with family influence our thoughts and actions greatly. Some have learned how to do family well because that’s the example that was set. But there are some people who have been so hurt by their family that they either a) resent family in general, b) haven’t recognized it and therefore repeat the same mistakes their family may have made, or hopefully, c) want to completely redeem their family history. Ask questions about your significant other’s history and get an understanding on how they view family. If they have a negative outlook you may want to be cautious before promising them forever.
7) Betters Others
Is the person you’re interested in the type that wants to bring out the best in others or convince them to make poor choices in one way or another? I have dated both types, and found that the latter has a way of sucking the life out of you. Pay attention to the type of influence he/she has on you – chances are pretty good that it will carry into marriage!
All in all, there’s much to think about before making a long term commitment to another person…with good reason! You’ll never find a perfect person, but paying attention to the little things could set you both up for a successful marriage. And don’t forget – your ‘forever person’ won’t just possess these qualities, but will be looking for someone who has them as well!
