Category: Single
Let’s face it, we all want to date the perfect gentleman! Most women would love a man who answers her calls, lifts her up when she’s down, recognizes her worth, pushes her towards her dreams and goals, and opens doors for her.
Often times, we as women settle for less then God’s best; some out of loneliness, some out of desperation and others out of a lack of understanding as to how they deserve to be treated! Me, I was the girl who simply didn’t understand just how much I was worth. But that’s the thing about dating a gentleman; he’ll never allow you to forget just how special you are.
I remember deciding I was tired of being mistreated by guys who spoke down on me, called me out of my name, and was just down right disrespectful. I remember sitting on my dorm room floor crying out to God regarding my feelings of hurt. It’s almost as if he said, “Well, date me”.
Now I’ve always thought people who “dated” Jesus were just weird and lonely (lbs). But it was after failed relationships with man, that I decided to make room for the ULTIMATE gentleman. So where did I find this gentleman? I found him in my quiet time, hidden in my word (the Bible)!
The more time I spent with Jesus, the more time he spent with me, the more I became acquainted with his voice, the more he shared his thoughts regarding me, the more he affirmed who I was created to be and the more doors he opened for me, among other things.
Though I once thought it was weird to “date” Jesus, it was in dating him that I realized what I really wanted and what I deserved in a man. I realized that a “thug” didn’t have the capacity to love the woman of God, God created me to be. I learned that a man who doesn’t have God’s own heart could never treat me as Jesus did! It was in dating Jesus that I realized EXACTLY what I deserved and wanted!
So you want to date a perfect gentleman, huh? Start with dating THEE perfect gentleman. When you get to know him, it’ll be easier to recognize his heartbeat in the heartbeat of others. It’ll be easier to turn away from those who don’t display his characteristics. Finally, it’ll be easier to be found by the one who will love you and treat you as Jesus did!
Much to my surprise, dating Jesus isn’t for the lonely and weird, it’s for the wise!
Be encouraged!
Shannon C Colar
While waiting for your mate there are many things that you should be doing. Preparing emotionally, financially, spiritually, seeing the world, understanding your purpose and growing in God. With all the preparation that is needed, the main areas you want to focus on is : praying for yourself, your mate and your future together. Below are 15 prayers you can pray and declare daily for you and your future spouse.
- I declare that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and God has great plans for my life.
- I declare my identity is not found in success, money or a mate but in being in you Jesus.
- I declare that I will fulfill the plans of God over my life.
- I declare I am a man or woman of purpose, honor, and integrity.
- I declare that I am a suitable mate and will bring favor and honor to my spouse.
- I declare that my past does not dictate my future relationships.
- I declare that my past will not detour me but propel me deeper into to God and towards the mate and life he has for me.
- I declare that I am spiritually, physically and finically whole; I will bring something to the table.
- I declare I will not be deceive but with clear mind, wisdom and discernment will be able to know the perfect person God has brought for me.
- I declare that my marriage and family will prosper.
- I declare that my mate, wherever he is, is being prepared to be a wonderful and suitable mate for me.
- I pray for my future spouse’s mind, and that they are rooted and grounded in you.
- I come against any tactics of the enemy that would come to derail my future spouse and hence causing him to miss our connection.
- I declare that all those around us will be blessed because of our relationship.
- I declare that no good thing will the lord withhold from those that love him.
Amen.
In the classic book, Art of War, Suz Tzu states, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”
Then, we have Shakespeare who coined the phrase, “to thyself be true”.
It is within these two powerful quotes that capture one of the most important things you could ever do which is to learn yourself. One of the greatest assets for going into marriage is knowing oneself well.
Here are 7 things you must know about yourself before you get married.
- Know what tempts you.
Some have bought into the lie that when you get married that your attraction will be only for your spouse. This is the furthest from the truth. Self control is one of the most important qualities to master before you get married. You must know what your weaknesses are before you marry so you can stay far away from them within marriage. Adultery is nothing to play with and has ruined many lives.
2. What you’re good at.
Just like you should learn what your weaknesses are you should also learn what comes natural to you. Another powerful asset to marriage is knowing what you bring to the table. No man or woman wants to marry a person that doesn’t increase their overall value as a couple. When I met my wife I knew immediately how she added to me by recognizing her strengths in comparison to my weaknesses.
3. Know where you spend your time.
Have you ever taken your entire week and assessed it for where you spent every single minute of your day. Talking about learning yourself. My mercy. You will immediately learn where you’re wasting to much time and also the things that you’re neglecting
4. What entertains you.What do you like to do for fun? What makes you laugh? What do you like to do calm down and enjoy the results of a job well done. Being a workaholic in marriage can suck the life out of your marriage very quick. Learn now how to have fun doing what entertains you.
5. What motivates you.
We all have those days where we don’t want to get out of bed due to the overwhelming stress of life, heavy responsibilities, and sometimes pure I don’t care anymore thoughts. It is at these times you must know what motivates you. What will you find refuge in for a source of revitalizing your passion towards life. I have days where I want to quit, but then I think on the things that are my why for life. It is these things that help me fight the good fight each and every day. What are your whys for life? What motivates you to keep going when life is knocking you down?
6. What hurts you.
Everyone hurts differently and is hurt by different things. What you have to realize is that hurting is a part of relationships. I love it how this lyrical genius put it in this song, “ Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” You can’t go into any relationship with the fear of getting hurt. That is the great risk of loving people. But, it is good to know what hurts you in order to help those close to you. My wife and I had a very candid conversations about the things that hurt each other. We both had different things, and because of that conversation I know how to love her better.
7. Your love language
We all give and receive love differently. Knowing your love language is so pivotal for the health of your relationships. The 5 love languages are, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, and physical touch. It is found that what you do the most naturally is usually your love language.
I pray these 7 things will help you dive deeper into learning yourself better in order to be a greater asset to your future spouse.
Categories
3 Benefits of Waiting on God
Guest Writer: Taylor Banks
At the end of my first year of college, God challenged me to end a relationship that He had not ordained after I had invested two years into it. It was one of the most difficult things I had ever done at the age of 19. While I knew I had heard God clearly, I could not help but feel trepidation for the unknown on the other side. During the healing process a couple months later in 2009, I made the BOLDEST declaration in my life, “Lord I am going to wait on you, the next relationship will be THE last one.” I know I did not fully understand the gravity of this statement when I said it. It was not until a few years later that I understood exactly what was going to be required of me. While being a young saved woman has not always been an easy journey, here are three benefits to waiting on God during your single season.
1.Isolation – Isolation during your single season allows you to focus on spending quality time with God. Isolation from others after my break-up led to intimacy with God, because He was the only one that I could depend on to fill the voids in my heart. I enjoyed finding ways to be intimate with Him, whether through studying the word, worshipping, journaling or prayer. It is essential that you find out how you enjoy spending time with God and do it consistently. You cannot afford to not be in constant connection with the source of your peace, hope and strength from day to day.
2.Identity – While in His presence, God gave me my identity. Knowing who you are in God enables you to live a successful single life. The word gives us an indication as to how God sees us. When you combine the word with intimacy with God, you will discover the individualistic plans He has for your life. Many times people enter into the wrong relationships because they do not know who they are or what they were created to do. Once you know what you were created to do, you will not allow yourself to be attached to any person, whether it is romantic or friendship, that does not push you closer to that purpose.
3.Information – I have learned a lot by watching others during this season in my life, both the successes and failures. By watching and learning from what others have done, I have been able to make better choices concerning my life. Every situation does not require us to learn the hard way. We have so many people in our lives that can lead and guide us if we are willing to listen. Ignoring wise counsel can lead to self-inflicted painful consequences.
I know it seems as if waiting for God is taking an eternity, but hang in there, go through the process and stick to His plan!
Taylor is committed to helping young women live a life in total submission unto Christ through preaching, teaching, and counseling. She is the founder of the blog taylormadem.com where she encourages and empowers young women to pursue God’s heart and purpose for their life. Her insight culminates from personal experience and through observing the lives of many around her. After embarking on her own purpose journey she believes each person is Taylor Made to do what nobody on this earth can do and more than enough to accomplish it.
Taylor has a heart for people and enjoys spending time with friends and family when she is not busy with school. She also loves reading, shopping, watching basketball and doing more shopping during her free time. Taylor is a licensed minister and youth leader at Refuge Apostolic Church of Christ in Freeport, NY. She recently completed her Master’s degree in Social Work at Fordham University. In May of 2016 she will complete her Master’s degree in Divinity at New York Theological Seminary.
Categories
6 Gains of Contentment
Guest Writers: Culus Ellerton Williams II & Calandra Thompson
Calandra: Many of us have become distracted by the temporary things that have been placed in our paths by the enemy. God doesn’t want his people to be distracted, He wants us to be focused. As a woman, I desired to be married but I was choosing all the wrong men. These men were only distractions from the purpose that God had for my life.
My spirit was grieving and I knew that God was requiring more from me. God wanted me to trust Him with my life. His word says in Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” God removed the distractions from my life and He began to prepare me for my future. My focus shifted from dating to chasing after God.
Culus: As a man, distractions are so common in our everyday lives that it can be hard to discern between things that help or hinder us. For a long time in my life, it seemed as if my time was spent with people who would rather hurt and hinder me than help and encourage me, specifically when it came to the women I would date. I realized what my true problem was. The qualities that I wanted most in women didn’t match the standard God had for my life.
After feeling like a worn out tire, I felt that I needed some serious re-prioritization. God has a special way of grasping our attention in order for us to realize and accept the purpose in our lives, and the people He sends in our lives that will help us achieve that purpose. Once I began to clearly hear God speak the purpose He had for me and who He would send to help me reach my desired destination, clarity was provided.
God sees what we cannot and can understands things that are far too perplexed for our minds. He knows that what our flesh desires will have our minds in a state of instability. If you really want the person God has for you, we need to start being the person God needs for us to be. Who God has for you is for you! As you can see, we both turned from our distractions and started to focus on God. God is first in both of our lives and His presence is welcomed in our courtship. We worship, pray and study God’s word together. We are courting with a purpose to be married and for our union to inspire other people.
Culus: “I tell my lady all the time that it took 26 years for me to find her, but I would still be looking for her if I hadn’t gotten a clear interpretation of what God had in store for me.”
Calandra: “I tell people that he is my praise report because he is a gift from up above.”
My name is Culus Ellerton Williams II. I am devoted to God, family, and progression. I am also a member of Christian Chapel Temple of Faith and I am leader of the Game Changers Ministry. I enjoy helping others, seeing business growth, and learning God’s word.
Calandra Thompson is a Christian Blogger of http://inspiredcali14. blogspot.com/ a blog that is written to encourage and inspire people in their daily walk with Jesus Christ. She is a ministry leader and supports many other ministries. Calandra is currently enrolled in seminary school to prepare her for the calling on her life. Calandra has 3 beautiful children and is currently courting CJ Williams with a purpose to marry. Her passion for Christ inspires her to spread the gospel to all that will hear. Calandra resides in Dallas, TX and attends Christian Chapel Temple of Faith CME.
Guest Writer: Taylor Banks
The first time I encountered the phrase “praying for my future spouse” was while reading When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy in March of 2012.
I was very uncomfortable with the idea of doing so. I contemplated praying for my future husband, but ultimately I decided that would be an inappropriate way to spend a portion of my prayer time – when I could be focused on so many other things.
Over the next two years, God confronted me through dreams and the ministries of people that I needed to begin praying for him. It wasn’t until after browsing books on amazon in 2014 that I came across a book called Praying for Your Future Husband by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer. At this point God had been dealing with me about my future husband, family and our ministry. I could no longer avoid what He was instructing me to do.
I pray as a means of covering my future spouse so that we can bring glory to God in His due time. I have learned that God is deeply concerned with who we will spend our lives with. The more I pursued God’s purpose for my life, the more God revealed how my spouse would fit into my purpose. He has set aside a person for each of us that are called to be married that will push us towards fulfilling the purpose he has for our lives. This purpose ultimately will bring glory to God and add more souls to the kingdom.
Second, I pray because the sad truth is that it is extremely difficult for men to live a pure life in submission to Christ with contrary messages inundating them from the media. The world says it’s okay to have sex before marriage, it’s okay to juggle multiple women until you find the one, you need to test drive before marriage, you should live together before marriage etc. The truth is my future husband needs my prayers to cover him and protect him. I am invested in making sure that he reaches the place God destined for him while he was in his mother’s womb.
Here is a list of some of my prayers for my future spouse:
- To pursue God’s heart and purpose for his life
2. The ability to trust God through every season
3. That God would guard his heart, eyes and ears
4. For the ability to lead
5. For balance of family, friends and ministry
6. Healing in all areas
7. Obedience and commitment to God
I now realize the importance of me praying for my future spouse. You may be struggling with if it is God ordained for you to pray for your future spouse. I want you to know prayer is the best gift that you can give you future spouse while in your single season.
Taylor is committed to helping young women live a life in total submission unto Christ through preaching, teaching, and counseling. She is the founder of the blog taylormadem.com where she encourages and empowers young women to pursue God’s heart and purpose for their life. Her insight culminates from personal experience and through observing the lives of many around her. After embarking on her own purpose journey she believes each person is Taylor Made to do what nobody on this earth can do and more than enough to accomplish it. Taylor has a heart for people and enjoys spending time with friends and family when she is not busy with school. She also loves reading, shopping, watching basketball and doing more shopping during her free time. Taylor is a licensed minister and youth leader at Refuge Apostolic Church of Christ in Freeport NY. She recently completed her Master’s degree in Social Work at Fordham University. In May of 2016 she will complete her Master’s degree in Divinity at New York Theological Seminary.
Categories
The Right Way to Guard Your Heart
I believe we have made relationships with the opposite sex harder than they should be. We have taken this scripture (Proverbs 4:23) completely out of context.
Here are 2 reasons we have been guarding our hearts wrong and 2 ways to set you free from that:
1.Instead of guarding our hearts, we build huge walls between us and the opposite sex.
Let me set you free. Stop acting like every guy is a possible date mate, or every gal thinks you are pursing them if you say hi. Having this mindset sets us up for failure in marriage. We need to practice having good healthy relationships with the opposite sex now, because when we get married, we are not just going to have friends of the same sex. The main reason we struggle with this is because we do not have pure motives. We should start looking at them as brothers and sisters, not as potential date mates.
2.We use the phrase “we are just friends” to guard our hearts
As singles, we decide how much time we spend with every person in our lives. It’s not like anybody is waiting for us at home. However, I am afraid that some of us take the context “it’s ok to be friends with the opposite sex” way too out of hand. If we spend too much time with that person, I assure you it will turn into something else. One always ends up liking the other, mainly because you are sharing your heart and giving this person more time than you should.
If you have been spending too much time with your “best friend” (of the opposite sex), then this is where the guarding your heart part comes in handy. It doesn’t mean you completely have to cut the relationship off, it just means that you will have to come up with some practical boundaries. Unless this person has communicated with you that they have feelings for you, then you have no business hanging out with them 24/7.
So which one is it? First you say we must have friendships of the opposite sex, and then you say be careful. Exactly! We need to have spiritual brothers and sisters in our lives. But, we need to do it wisely. Just yesterday I opened a letter from one of my best friends, Tucker that he wrote to me on his birthday telling me how much he appreciates our friendship and encouraging me. Which by the way, he is dating another one of my best friends, Sarah Beth. My point is, his motives were completely pure. It is possible, ladies and gentlemen. It is possible to have guy friends and see them as brothers. It is possible to have girls as friends and see them purely like sisters.
So I say all this to say, don’t be that awkward guy that is scared to talk to girls and only hangs out with the guys, or that guy that only talks to certain girls to only date them. Ladies, don’t give guys the cold shoulder. The Bible says, “Be kind to one another,” it doesn’t say only be kind with people of the same sex. So,why do we think that we can be selective with our kindness? Being kind with men will not come off as liking them!
We are all guilty of this, but we can all be set free. If you have an issue with this, I would bring it to the Lord and ask him to give you a heart for both men and women, and to seek every relationship with pure motives.
There seems to be a lot of buzz about being a virgin these days, especially since recording artist Tim Bowman Jr. married his bride Brelyn Freeman, now Bowman.
The buzz does not come from the fact that they got married,but rather because Brelyn, the bride, gave her father a certificate of virginity stating that her hyman was intact and that she was a virgin. Most people are confused as to why she needed to do this, and even more so, why she posted it on social media.
I do not know the girl personally, so I can not tell why for sure, but I can go into some of the biblical significance of your virginity, and why it was her daddy’s business after all. Before I begin, it is also important to note that it is reported that the groom was also a virgin, which is amazing!
I am very proud of both of them! In a culture full of pressure to conform sexually, it is very rare that couples wait. With that said, let me give some biblical background as to why the bride may have decided to present the certificate to her father publicly:
Duetoronmy 22:13-18( New Life Version)
“13 If a man takes a wife and goes in to her and decides he does not like her, 14 and says that she did sinful acts and puts her to shame before others and says, ‘I took this woman, but when I came near her, I found that she had been with another man,’ 15 then the girl’s father and mother should bring what is needed to prove she has not been with another man to the leaders of the city at the gate. 16 The girl’s father will say to the leaders, ‘I gave my daughter to this man for a wife. But he turned against her. 17 He said she has done sinful acts, saying, “I found that your daughter has been with another man.” But I brought what will prove that my daughter has not been with another man.’ And they will spread the clothing in front of the leaders of the city. 18 Then the leaders of that city will take the man and punish him. 19 They will make him pay a hundred pieces of silver and give it to the girl’s father, because he has put to shame the name of an Israelite girl who has not had a man. She will still be his wife. He cannot divorce her as long as he lives.
So, why a marriage certificate?
1. It is a Form of Protection- Our culture has a hard time grasping this concept because we have diluted the seriousness of marriage. While Jesus came and fulfilled the law, which allows us to be free from the law, there are still some great things within the law that obviously this young lady and her family have chosen to continue to practice.
Presenting a marriage certificate to her father is symbolic to the bloody sheet the Israelite girls gave to their parent’s after the wedding night. If people are freaking out over a certificate, I am not sure what they would do with the bloody sheet.
It was the fathers job to guard the daughters purity and heart. Could it be possible that Brelyn was thanking her father for the great job he had done in helping protect her purity and her heart? In the passage I shared, the father used the bloody sheet to confirm that her daughter was for sure a virgin. The medical examination was this young ladies confirmation.
2. It is a Sign of Honor- Both men and women are encouraged to keep their bodies for their spouse. For women in the old testament, it brought honor to her family. It was a shameful thing for a woman to be running around sleeping with whoever she wanted.
There was honor in waiting and keeping herself pure. A woman being pure was not just for her sake, but it was a sign that the family raised her well, thus she was suitable for the best man possible. Men were expected to be pure as well, and there were consequences for their promiscuity too. However, because the bride was being given away, it brought honor to the father to know he was giving his daughter away as a virgin. Perhaps Brelyn felt like it would be good to honor her family publicly for encouraging her and teaching her to keep herself pure before marriage. Maybe she wanted to honor and gift her father with this certificate. Remember, in the old testament the women gave her parents her bloody sheet!
3. It is a public decree of devotion- In the passage we read when a man tried to put away a woman dishonorably, it was done publicly. Everyone gathered in the town square to hash the matter out. Marriage was not just between the man and the woman, the whole community was involved. Perhaps this is why we have seen moral decay in our own culture, marriage is no longer communal.
I come from an African culture where marriage is still very much communal. Everyone is invested in the marriage, and everyone works hard to make sure it works. If the shaming was public, why could the celebration of purity not be public as well? Could it be that Brelyn wanted to make a public declaration of God’s faithfulness in keeping her?
As I have mentioned, I do not know the young lady, nor her reasons behind her choice. But, based upon my understanding of marriage and the biblical culture, maybe these are some of the reasons she chose to share it with both her father and the public.
Before I finish, I want to share some other practical reasons for all singles to preserve their virginity and celebrate it with joy their wedding night:
1.Spiritual Protection– Sex outside of marriage is a sin; sin opens doors to the enemy. There are certain things in our lives which we can not break through and certain promises we can not attain if we are in sin and open rebellion. it is as simple as that. Sin keeps us from God and His promises.
2. Emotional Protection- God created sex to bond people together; waiting keeps you from becoming entangled with the wrong person emotionally.
3. Physical Protection– Sex can take a toll on the body outside of marriage. Waiting protects you from unwanted sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy before marriage.
4. Guards against heartbreak- Breakups are hard enough, but often much harder if you have been involved sexually with that person. Sex was meant to keep two married people together. God created it as a glue. That’s why divorce is painful and sexual relationships end painfully, God never intended that sexual covenant to be broken.
5. It honors God- You can honor God with your words, or you can honor him with your life. Controlling your sexual appetite is one of the hardest things to do. But, when you can submit yourself to God completely in that area, enriches your intimacy and brings you closer to God.
Here is a thank you video from Brelyn along with the contract she signed with her father years ago. Check it out here under their thank you tab.
Cheers Timothy and Brelyn & good Job!