Category: Physical Intimacy

Categories
Marriage Physical Intimacy

3 Places On My Wife I Commit to Kiss Everyday and Why

lovers walking in a field at sunset holding hands

The first kiss recorded in the Bible is found in Genesis 27:26-27. When Jacob kissed his son Isaac. This kiss was a sign of respect, honor, and a passing of blessing.
A kiss at its core is a sign of love and respect between two people.
It has now in our culture also become a way to connect non verbally with a person you are romantically involved with, a method of foreplay to prepare one another for sexual intimacy, and a sign of respect to a close one.
In marriage kissing is very vital part of your daily interaction. In my marriage it is already a custom when one person leaves the home we kiss each other, before we lay our heads to sleep we kiss each other, and at a time of celebration we kiss each other.
Each day I have committed to myself and my wife to kiss her in three places that hold a powerful symbol to reiterate 3 core values we vowed to when we got married.

  1. Her Forehead

In the morning before I leave for work, I kiss my wife on her forehead. The reason I kiss her on her forehead is to recommit my vow to honor and protect her thoughts, passions, fears, and her authority as my wife.
The forehead kiss is a sign of honor and respect that communicates you can trust me no matter what. When you kiss a woman at the top of her head you let her know that she can leave her entire life in your care. You let her know that she is safe with you.
2. Her cheek.
A kiss on the cheek is a kiss of friendship. Before you kiss a woman on her lips it is appropriate to kiss a woman on her cheeks during your dating season.
Each day I kiss my wife on her cheek as a commitment to be her best friend through it all. At the foundation of every great marriage is a solid friendship.
Two people who have strive to understand one another through communicating daily, putting the other before themselves through serving, conflict resolution, and respecting each other.
The kiss on the cheek will forever be the kiss that melts a woman’s heart.

  1. Her Lips

Kissing on the lips dates back to Biblical days which we can see in Song of Solomon 1:2, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine.
In the Middle Ages in Europe kissing the on the lips was a sign of equal rank. Which is powerful in marriage because it communicates we are in this together.
At its core in marriage a kiss on the lips is a sign of romantic love.
I commit to kiss my wife daily on her lips to communicate the vow to romantically love her til death do us part, for better or for worse. The kiss on the lips is a commitment to forever be the romancer of her heart.   A kiss on the lips communicates that only you have my affection, desires, and heart.
The commitment to kiss your spouse everyday can build a bridge of trust and communicate your love in another way than just saying it.

Categories
Communication Marriage Physical Intimacy Spiritual Intimacy

Ashley Madison: Three Ways to Guard Against an Affair

On May 10, 2015, Mother’s Day, a tornado gutted a small east Texas town. Two were killed, many were injured, and dozens of homes were utterly destroyed. I know; I was there. My wife and I, with little notice, responded to the roaring, freight train-like rumble by snatching up our two sleeping toddlers and piling into the bathtub, covering our heads with a toddler mattress as we prayed for God to spare our lives. We awoke to a disaster.
Between August 18 and 20 of 2015, millions of other lives were affected by the whirlwind hacking of the online infidelity website, Ashley Madison. Forbes magazine reports that 28 million of the 38 million accounts were publicized for the entire world to see. (Forbes) Multitudes of families learned that someone in their family was living a life of deception.

Deception Glorified

Robert Hansen, VP of WhiteHat Security found that most of the Ashley Madison users use a webmail address, assumedly to hide their true identity and/or prevent their spouse from intercepting any of site’s communication. The Forbes article says,
“Apparently not everyone was smart enough to obscure their real-life identity using a webmail address, though. Hansen found well over 13,000 email addresses from .MIL and .GOV domains and a handful of congressmen among the hacked data. He also identified a substantial number of addresses from various Fortune 500 companies…Perhaps the most shocking revelation is that Hansen found three accounts using Vatican.com email.” (Forbes)
Ouch. That last one really hurts. Men and women of God aren’t immune to deception. The most famous affair in the Bible is King David’s in 2 Samuel 11:1-27. In the wake of David’s fall, the account ends with a forlorn concluding statement: “But the thing David had done displeased the Lord.”

Where do we go wrong?

Many factors can be at play in infidelity, but I’m going to mention three standout qualities.

  1. Deception: David’s desire to cover his tracks and conceal his sin was deception at its core. David’s efforts to hide his fall cost the lives of Uriah and the child born of Bathsheba and David.
  2. Passivity: This story begins David relinquished his kingly duty to fight for his kingdom and his people. “In the spring,at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out…” Infidelity often begins in Christian homes because couples don’t know how to fight for their God-given covenant.
  3. Lust: David peered over his balcony at Bathsheba and “sent messages to get her.” (v.4) Lust demands right here, right now.

How to Be On Guard Against Infidelity

  1. Be accountable. David was eventually accountable, but by that time it was too late. Surround yourself with godly brothers and sisters and have a friend who will ask difficult, pointed questions.
  2. Fight the good fight of faith. Don’t. Be. A. Victim. Don’t grow passive. So much can be said about passivity alone, but the main point is to pursue righteousness! Are you discouraged? Because passivity and discouragement are partners in crime. Stoke the fires of your heart with passion for the Lord, not the world, and discouragement can’t abide.
  3. Pursue purity and hold every adverse thought captive. Don’t let your heart and imagination wander into the wasteland of idleness. Put on the armor of God and make every thought submit to the Lordship of Christ.

As we pray for families in the Ashley Madison scandal, be sure to guard your heart. Be honest with your spouse about struggles. Pray honest prayers; God can handle your humanity and He will not leave you to fend for yourself.
What weapons are in your arsenal against sexual sin?

Categories
Marriage Physical Intimacy

4 Things Your Husband Really Wants in the Bedroom

 
I want to begin this article off with a bible verse to help lay a foundation…’
1 Corinthians 7:4, “The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.”
Sex within marriage is a GIFT from God! Unfortunately, the enemy has taken this gift and distorted it.
In today’s world ladies there are so many things vying for your husbands attention. In no way did God create you to ever have to compete with a woman on a computer screen, the actresses on TV, or models in magazines.
But, the reality is that the access to pornographic material and the exposure of women’s bodies today is becoming more and more of a problem than ever before.
This is why God said in 1 Corinthians 7:9 that is much better to marry than burn with lust.
I know you may get tired of your husband asking for sex, but PLEASE hear me when I say this…that is a GOOD sign! If you’re husband is asking you for sex, then that means he is running to you to meet his needs rather than something or someone else.
This should make you happy, not upset!
Sex is the greatest opportunity to serve your spouse in a selfless way, and the same for your spouse to do for you.
Men and women may see sex completely different, but that’s the beauty of how God designed us in order for us to WORK AT becoming one in our mind and bodies.
I want to help you by sharing with you the 5 Things Your Husband Really Wants in the Bedroom:
 
1. He Wants You to be Open to Try New Things
Now, I am a firm believer that you should never do anything in the bedroom that one person doesn’t agree with. It doesn’t matter what it is. The marriage bed is a place of unification, not pressure to perform. At that same token, a lot of times its easy for us to stay in a box and not be open to trying new things that could very well spice things up.
One thing me and my wife did that helped us change the norm in our sex life was changed our locations in the house that we had sex. Your husband wants you to be open to try new things, or at least open to discuss it.
 
2. He Wants You to Let Him Pleasure You
There is nothing better for your husband than knowing you are being pleased by him. This is one of the greatest man moments for your husband, so you not only should let him pleasure you, but also tell him when he is doing a good job. Verbal communication is huge for men so they know how they are doing.
For some women that have come from abusive relationships or a hurtful past, it can be challenging to allow yourself be fully loved by your husband. You have to let him in and trust him as your best friend, lover, and confidant. This can take time, but your husband is God’s gift to you to help you through this process.
One of the great scriptures that highlights God’s desire for men to enjoy their wives body is found in Proverbs 5:18, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you ALWAYS be captivated by her love.”
 
3. He Wants You to Desire Him
Men want to be desired just as much as you want to be loved. This is a huge part of having a healthy sex life before you get to the bedroom. The build up phase to a great time of intimacy is built up by little signs of desire.
Just how you desire the text messages, help around the house, and special date nights alone which all communicate to you that your husband desires you, your husband desires the same. For him its more communicated through flirting through physical touch at random moments, putting on that outfit that makes him look twice when you wear it, or just letting him know how much he rocks your world.
midyearsale!-2
 
 
4. He Wants You to Want It Too
Your husband wants you to want to have sex as well.   I know it is much harder for a woman to experience an orgasm than a man, but this is why it requires teamwork.
Communicate to your husband what you like or desire so you can make your times of intimacy just as pleasing for you as it is for him. Your husband wants you to be their desiring the sex just as much as he does.
 
God’s word is clear that sex is the tool to bring two people closer together than any other force on Earth. This is not done without work, investment, time, patience, and a lot of love!
Be committed to serve your spouse no matter the cost, and I guarantee when you both are embracing that mentality then your times of intimacy will be the most desired times of your day.
We believe strongly that your marriage requires intentional investing in order for it for it to stay healthy and to weather the many storms you and your spouse will face! This is why we created this amazing tool called Sex Without Sheets, which is a 10 Session Set taught by the Nation’s leading Marriage and Relationship Experts to help you and your spouse start having the best sex life now!
Click here to learn more about Sex Without Sheets Sessions! 
finaal2

Categories
Marriage Physical Intimacy

What Happened When We Went 15 Days Without Sex

A few years ago when I was adamant about studying marriage in the bible, I came across a scripture that made me raise my eyebrows, “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that satan will not temp you because of your lack of self control.“ (1 Corinthians 7:5).
My then carnal mind could not understand deprivation with mutual consent to devote to prayer. Why would anyone want to not have sex with their spouse? Aren’t we supposed to be fruitful and multiply? What I didn’t get was that though my husband is the head of this family, God is the head of our lives. We have to be able to sacrifice absolutely everything for Him.
Recently, I asked my husband to conduct a project with me. I wanted to follow the scripture to see how it affects our marriage and document it.
My husband and I love each other immensely, so when I asked him to do this for me he agreed: 15 days, no sex, then 15 days of sex. The first couple of days were difficult because we are normally intimate every other night.
It was also trying because our communication seemed to be thrown off as well and we were clashing on small things. One night I began feeling the pressure of not being intimate not only sexually, but spiritually. I decided to pray, and pray hard, and God revealed something to me. We were not fully committing to the scripture.
 
All we did was eliminate sex, but we did not use that time to devote to seeking God. We should have used that time to pray together and to wait on God. We didn’t realize that we were supposed to treat this as fasting from sex, not starve ourselves altogether. “Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please and exploit all your workers. Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high.” (Isaiah 58:4)
 
SWS Banner
The issue was that we were doing as we pleased during our time of fasting. Instead of having sex, we were watching TV. We worked and we spent time with our daughter, but we did not spend more time with God.
Once we realized that we weren’t fasting for the right reasons or in the right way and began to use the fast to seek God, we were able to understand each other and connect on a greater level. We were on the same page and were even able to come up with a business plan for the business we had been trying to create for many years.
At first the fast seemed to be tearing us apart and pulling us further away from each other intimately. But, after we began to not only fast from sex, but actually implement prayer time as well, I saw such a shift in our marriage.
 
Now that we are acknowledging God as the head of our marriage, prayer has become a major communication tool and a key to our intimacy. When we are not intimate with each other physically, we know that we have to spend that time being intimate spiritually by devoting ourselves to communicating with Christ; that’s the only way the fast works. The point of a fast is not to simply remove something from your life, but rather to remove a distraction so that you can press your focus fully into Christ.
 
Once we shifted our focus on Christ, we saw a great increase in our spiritual intimacy. If you and your spouse are struggling with spiritual intimacy, try fasting from sexual intimacy for a time in order to focus solely on your spiritual relationship.
SWS Banner 

Categories
Marriage Parenting Physical Intimacy

4 Ways to Keep the Intimacy Alive While Pregnant

From the desk of The Modern Day Cindi: Let’s talk about ways to maintain great intimacy while pregnant, but first let’s start off by debunking the myth that sex during pregnancy is taboo. It isn’t!
As hormones are all the rage, a rump in the sack between spouses may become more frequent as typical concerns such as birth control and pregnancy are no longer major factors with a baby on the way. Yet, many men and women do not look at this as time of just physical intimacy as much as it is a time for emotional closeness and support.

Sex is one of the major draws for marriage and relationship, however during pregnancy, sex may become a delicate situation to manage as physical comfort and emotional needs shift day to day, week to week, or trimester to trimester.

So how do we balance it all without making the sex factor an ex factor? Good News! There are other ways to maintain intimacy without having sex that can add great value to the quality of the relationship, as well as the confidence of your pregnant spouse.
Now nearing the 8th month of pregnancy, I have learned that intimacy can be achieved successfully without intercourse. Pardon the cliché, but intimacy starts in the mind. It is majority mental with physical moments.
Mental stimulation is where the attraction starts and continues. This mental stimulation is what turns into the physical connection that husbands so desire. This stimulation is also what helps builds up the anticipation to those physical moments and ushers in a wife’s willingness to share her mind, body, and soul. So what am I saying? Lovemaking starts in the heart and mind of your spouse and this is even truer during pregnancy.
Here are a few things that make my point plainly:
1.  Pregnant Mommy’s want to continue to feel attractive to their husbands so compliment her often. Let her know how beautiful she is! Dote on her not just because she’s your baby momma but because she’s your wife.
2. Remind her that she’s giving you a gift that is a special representation of your love for each other that can’t be duplicated by anyone else. This can be very reassuring as her concern for different aspects of life (personally and professionally) may have her feeling uncomfortable and may even bring a little uncertainty.
3. Share with her in the changes she is going through. Read and study ahead to be aware of her needs and help her adjust (as much as possible) at every stage of her pregnancy.
4. Get uncomfortable with her!
Let her know that she is not alone.I can speak on this from personal experience. The only place I sleep well is on the coach. Sadly, our bed has become a cardinal enemy since early on in my pregnancy, but I found a friend and confidant in the couch. Unfortunately as the sofa became my friend, my long, 6’4 husband relegated himself to the love seat in an act of solidarity and unity and to be as close to me as possible.
Now, I know that does not seem like much, but he has been willing to get uncomfortable for me to show support. And when I gaze over at him on my late night moments, it makes me cuddle up to him even more when he is awake because I know he’s doing it just for me.
It may sound really basic and silly, but again all intimacy does not have to be physical. As a wife, we hold on to these moments of care and compassion. It not only boosts and edifies us, but it also allows the bond of love between you, your husband, and the unborn child grow even more.
M&Y! What are some ways you and your spouse have kept the intimacy alive in your marriage during pregnancy?

Categories
Marriage Physical Intimacy

3 Overlooked Ways to Instantly Rejuvenate Your Marriage

Young Couple In Pajamas Watching Television Together

1) Get some rest
It’s so common for the average person to become overworked by their jobs, school, children, etc. This can result in dehydration, lack of sleep, hormonal imbalances, or just plain exhaustion. Multiply those feelings by 2, and it’s a relationship recipe for disaster.
As a couple, intentionally taking a day or a weekend out to dedicate to rest will give your relationship a natural pick-me-up, almost instantly. Saying “no” to this little tasks for a day frees you up to say “yes” to your spouse.
2) Carve out time to talk
Communication is key. Whether there has been a short lull in your marriage, or there have been weeks worth of spats to work through, it’s time for a long, healthy talk. Before you communicate, make sure that you have at least an hour or more to spare.
The last thing you need is to finally be getting to the root of an issue and suddenly have to leave without reconciliation. Take your time both listening and talking, because this is an investment in the future of your marriage. This is not a time to argue, but rather a time to acheive mutual understanding. When you’ve come to a point of peace, seal it with a prayer.
3) Try something new
Simply being bored can be the very thing squashing your love life. Go out salsa dancing, rent a redbox movie, take a daycation, or just try something exciting and new in bed. Stray as far away from the mundane as possible. The key is switching things up and keeping things interesting.
 
Before running to a friend to vent or jumping to a counselor for advice, first make sure you’re not just tired, misunderstood or bored. The lull in your love life can honestly be a combination of the three. These often overlooked concepts are simple to install, yet they have the power reignite the fire within your marriage.
 

Categories
Marriage Physical Intimacy

5 Ways to Beat Bedroom Boredom

unable to sleep in bed because of snoring partner

Categories
Marriage Physical Intimacy

Friends and Lovers: The Key to Making it through the Good, Bad, and Ugly

Categories
Communication Home Marriage Physical Intimacy Spiritual Intimacy

Sex and the Christian Wife

Like most women who didn’t enter into their marriages in piety, I was not a virgin when I met my husband.
Honestly, even if I was, I probably would not have made it to the alter a virgin.
I fell deeply in love very quickly and let’s just say, I couldn’t keep my latest promise to God.
My man and I had fun. We spent weekends in bed, ordering food, and staying up long enough to satisfy each other. It was as amazing as it was damning. We both knew what we were doing was wrong, even though it was soooo good.
Now that we are married, sex has taken on a new form. It is more than just fun. It is transforming.
Everything I thought I’d never be able to do (due to lack of flexibility) God has somehow given me the strength to do.
As weird as it might sound, I think the youth pastor from my old church was right, “Sex is better after you pray!” The euphoric feeling of confirming that we are one sends me over the top every time. The way we touch goes far beyond what I’ve experienced in the past.
According to my current pastor, “Sex is meant for procreation.” Apparently, it is not meant to be enjoyable or done in any other position but missionary. He is right, God says that we must “multiply,” but he also made sex a significant part of marriage.
Sex is the joining of two souls. In the end, you walk away with a piece of that person. “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’” (1 Corinthians 6:16). This is why sex should only be between man and wife. It is spiritual, not just of the flesh.

I remember discussing sex with another woman from my church and I said that the first form of sex involved God, Adam and Eve. She considered me a weirdo from that point on, but she wasn’t able to see past the negative connotation of sex. What I meant, though, was that God’s definition of sex is two souls coming together to create something new. When God made Eve, he joined his soul with Adam to create her. He took Adam’s rib and from His breath formed a new being.
The beauty of that encounter is the same way we Christians need to see sex.
It is not something nasty or wrong, as long as you’re with the right person.
 It is the one thing that only married couples should do, so why should we act as if it is wrong? For appearances? As long as my bedroom/bathroom/whatever room I’m in’s door can lock, no one can see me. Yes, God can but the wonderful, amazing ecstasy of it was also created by Him, why wouldn’t He want us to like it?
I won’t lie, there are times when I’m going the extra mile that I feel guilty, but the word says that his body belongs to me and my body belongs to him.
It also says that I must be submissive to him, servicing him in the way he requires. I am a woman that is intent on following the word. So whatever he requires, wherever, and however he requires it, I will give it to him.
Because he is mine and I am his and it shall remain that way.

Categories
Marriage Physical Intimacy

Romance Your Hubby This Valentine's Day With the 5 Senses