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The Pros and Cons of Purchasing a New Home or an Old Home

If you are thinking about investing in real estate and buying a home, you may be trying to decide whether to build a new house/purchase a newer home or an purchase an older home. Both home types come with pros and cons.  I want to shed light on some key factors to help you make the right decision.
 

Newer Homes/New Construction

real estate photo: Real Estate Bakersfield CA Real-Estate-BakersfieldCA-2_zpsf7ef1547.jpg
Pros

  1. All the major components (HVAC, foundation, roof, water heater) are brand new and you should not have to be concerned with replacing these anytime soon.
  2. You get to select your building materials and design the home to look exactly how you want it.
  3. All appliances and plumbing are new. You get to break in that stove and you are the only one who has used your bathroom (at least we hope).
  4. Brand new home smell. Nothing beats the smell of fresh paint and new carpet.
  5. 1 year builders warranty. If anything gets damaged during the first year, the builder will replace it at no cost to you.

Cons

  1. You typically will pay more for new construction than older homes.
  2. Newer homes will have baby trees and landscaping so you will have to wait a few years to get any real shade.
  3. Building delays-Sometimes these are just not preventable. The wrong tile could be ordered or the manufacturer decided to drop the tile you chose. This happens all the time with new construction so be prepared and have back up plans in case you need to add a few more months on your apartment lease.
  4. Home is built-in less time with less quality materials than older homes.

 
 

Older Homes

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Pros

  1. You may get quality building materials (like real wood flooring and exotic granite) for a fraction of the cost you would pay for them in  a new home.
  2. Mature trees and landscaping.
  3. Some older homes were built with architectural design features that are historic or timeless.
  4. Your home comes with a story. Someone has already put a lot of love into it and you get to add another chapter to the book.
  5. Pay less per sq ft than a newer home.

Cons

  1. You may have to do some major repairs to make the home livable.
  2. May not be move in ready.
  3. You are the new kid on the block so it will take some time to acclimate to the existing neighborhood culture.
  4. Insurance may be higher because the home is older.

 
I hope this list helps to make your decision on finding a home a little less daunting. My best advise to you is that you should research and evaluate what is most important to you. Buy a home that you love and that will also love you back for years to come.

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage

6 Eye Opening Verses on Being Married God's Way

What does it mean to be married God’s way?
 
The bible gives us some guidance.
What is a good man? Read Psalm 112.
What is a good woman? Read Proverbs 31:10-31.
How should husbands and wives love each other? Read Ephesians 5:22-33.
22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
Should I have sex before marriage? Read 1 Corinthians 6:18.
16-20 There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.
Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Read 1 Corinthians 7:2.
Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.
Who should marry? Read Genesis 2:21-24.
21-22 God put the Man into a deep sleep. As he slept he removed one of his ribs and replaced it with flesh. God then used the rib that he had taken from the Man to make Woman and presented her to the Man.

23-25     The Man said,
“Finally! Bone of my bone,
    flesh of my flesh!
Name her Woman
    for she was made from Man.”
    Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.
    The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame.

 
If you want a God-centered relationship, you must have a relationship with God. If you want a relationship with God, you must spend time with Him and His Word. If you want a relationship with God, you must be led by Him and His Word (His word is essentially Him see John 1). There is no compromise. If you want a God-blessed marriage, you must have a God-led marriage.
 

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5 Ways to Become Content with Your Current Season of Life 

Guest Writer: Callie Nelsen
 
Contentment does not simply equate to the acceptance of circumstances.
 
I think we sometimes fear the pursuit of contentment because we’re afraid it will de-value our desires and dreams.  For example, a couple trying to have a baby may not want to feel content with being child-less out of fear of never becoming parents. However, contentment is ‘the state of being satisfied; ease of mind.’ The infamous contentment verses, Phil. 4:11-13, says you can learn to be content whatever the circumstances!  Wow! Imagine having an ease of mind in the midst of a trial, to be satisfied even when life is just. plain. hard. This doesn’t mean we agree with what’s happening, but that we’re rooted in the unfailing love of the One who has gone before us, and therefore not easily shaken.
 
Here are five ways I’ve learned to be content. Single, dating or married, contentment isn’t something that just happens to us – it’s a choice!
 

  • Let God define your identity. Memorize scripture. Re-read prophetic words. Ask God what He thinks of you. Recently, it felt like anyone I talked to asked why I was single. In the past this would have made me feel like a failure. But, I had taken time to hear what the Lord thought about this season of my life, and was so confident in His opinion that I felt unaffected by what people were saying – and remained content!

 

  • Declare truths about yourself and your destiny, especially when you don’t believe it. God spoke, and the world came to be.  He called Abraham a father long before he was one.  That same God is living inside us! There is power in making declarations about what we want to see happen.

 

  • Be thankful. During a time after a relationship ended, I didn’t allow myself to journal anything except what I was thankful for. After several months, I’d become content with being single (a miracle!) and my broken heart was mending.  Bill Johnson made the statement, “whatever you look at, will grow.”  If you focus on what you’re thankful for, your difficulties won’t seem so big.  Likewise, focusing on difficulties will often cause them to become overwhelming.

 

  • Worship. Expect to see blessing and freedom when you worship during your hard times! Worship changes the atmosphere and your heart, which ultimately changes how you feel about your circumstances. Check out The Message’s version of Romans 5:3-5.

 

  • Be transparent about what you want, and ask questions. God doesn’t want us to be confused! If you’re not getting an answer, maybe you’re not asking the right question (Ie: what do you want to do during this time? Instead of why am I single?) Perhaps you’re listening for an answer He’s not willing to give you because He has something better for you.  God is never wrong, and He’s always good.  Once you start filtering your thoughts through those truths, you’ll find it easier to hear answers you may not be looking for.

 
 
 
Biography:
Callie Nelsen is a 4th grade teacher, softball and volleyball coach, IEC (international exchange) coordinator, traveler, singer/songwriter, from Lake Crystal – a small town in Southern Minnesota. She has been the worship leader at Abundant Life Church for the past two years and has done some public speaking as well.  She graduated from Gustavus Adolphus College in 2010 with a degree in Elementary Education and an emphasis in Spanish and Math.  She also graduated from Bethel School of Worship in 2013.  She released her first CD, ‘In the Sight of You’ in 2013 and is currently working on her second album.
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Why God Wants YOU to Choose Your Mate

The greatest gift God has given us is the ability to choose. When He created us, His intention was not to create little minions that He could manipulate and control. He wanted us to be people who were free to choose Him, to choose life, and to choose what is right.
He has, however, supplied us with parameters that equip us to make wise choices and help us discern and decipher what path to take.
In Deuteronomy 30:19 it says, “Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make.  Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!”
This verse describes the importance of our choices and should also be used as a reference and guideline when choosing a spouse.  God gives us a choice, but from that choice we can either reap life or death and blessings or curses. This is why this choice should be carefully considered and taken seriously.
Another parameter the Lord instructs us to follow regarding the choosing of our mate is the requirement of being equally yoked. There are many factors that determine whether two people are equally yoked.
For more detailed information regarding this topic, please read my previous article, “22 Ways to Know if You and Your Partner are Equally Yoked.” God is invested in our choice to choose the right mate. We know this because He has given us in instructions on how to make right choices.
When it comes to decisions, especially concerning the choosing of our spouse, many of us want God to make the decision for us. We are constantly watching and waiting for a big neon sign that screams “THAT’S HIM!!!!!! ”
We await the lighting bolts of heaven or for the lion of Judah himself to come down and confirm in person, “THAT’S HER!!!” But, the majority of the time the biggest sign to walking in alignment with God’s will regarding your choice of spouse will be inner peace. We may not hear the audible voice of God speaking his/her name, but we still has His Word to follow and the Bible will never lead us astray.
The truth is, just like with anything else God, He is calling us to partner with him in selecting our mate.  But, why does He leave the ultimate choice up to us?
Simply put, because marriage is all about choices from start to finish. From the choice to court, to getting engaged, and to eventually saying “I do”. But, the choices don’t stop there.  After marriage we have to continue to make choices.
We must daily choose to love our mate in sickness and health, in good times and bad times, when its easy, when it’s hard, when it’s inconvenient, in spite of our feelings, and yes, even when it hurts.
If God was to make those choices for us, then when things got tough, most of us would blame the one who choose for us, God. Choosing our mate ourselves forces us to take responsibility for that choice. Don’t get me wrong, God wants to partner with us to make this decision. But, at the end of the day it is our choice and it is so for a reason.
God’s not going to force us to do anything or send lightning bolts to heavily sway our decision. Yes, God will give peace; He may send signs, and even dreams.  However,  the ultimate choice is yours and it is important you realize that.
The choice is not your families, your friends or even your pastors. Their input is important and should be carefully considered, but YOU choose your spouse.  And, from the moment you agree to choose that person in holy matrimony, you are also agreeing to choose them every day for the rest of your life, no matter the cost.  Love requires us to choose it over and over again daily, so choose wisely.
 

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Intentional Goals For A Successful Marriage

Being married now for four years I have noticed a common theme between the different seasons my husband and I go through. No matter what our current life looks like at any given time it can easily be evaluated by the goals, or lack of goals we have.
When my husband and I are not working towards a common goal, or personal goals, life quickly seems more difficult. And, when we are intentionally setting goals for our marriage and our lives, it doesn’t seem to matter what we are facing because we are doing it together.
We haven’t always learned this the easy way though. When you are married and young you are bringing together two young individuals who typically have a burning passion to succeed in their own life. When you marry someone with similar goals as you it can still be hard at first to understand that unless your goals involve one another it will be difficult to become “one”.
Don’t get me wrong, you can certainly have your own personal goals and different careers. What I am saying is that no matter what you are pursuing as an individual you need to keep your spouse at the forefront of that goal.
For example, if you are striving to build your career to support your family- great! But, it is critical to remember that all that hard work and success will mean nothing if you push your marriage and family to the side while you climb to the top.
You CAN, however work hard to accomplish your individual goals and find even greater success when you allow your spouse to come alongside of you and contend for the same end goal.
My husband is an extremely driven man. And, I am highly motivated by defined goals. So, together we have learned that no matter how small or big our goals are, in every season of our lives we need to have some kind of common goal. Whether that be to relax more or work harder, if we don’t know what we are striving to accomplish in the current moment we slowly start to drown in the chaos of life.
I want to encourage you today to sit down with your spouse and talk about the goals you have individually and together. I believe it is every couples goal to thrive, but you need to have specific goals in each season of your marriage in order to make that happen.
It doesn’t matter how big or small your goal is.
It doesn’t matter if your goal is for your career, personal relationships, or your marriage.
All that matters is that you and your spouse come together in unity and work towards the same thing – together!
Be blessed today knowing God has given you someone to help your conquer your destiny! And, know that you play a vital role in the success of your partner as well! Now, go set some goals!

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Sex and the Christian Wife

Like most women who didn’t enter into their marriages in piety, I was not a virgin when I met my husband.
Honestly, even if I was, I probably would not have made it to the alter a virgin.
I fell deeply in love very quickly and let’s just say, I couldn’t keep my latest promise to God.
My man and I had fun. We spent weekends in bed, ordering food, and staying up long enough to satisfy each other. It was as amazing as it was damning. We both knew what we were doing was wrong, even though it was soooo good.
Now that we are married, sex has taken on a new form. It is more than just fun. It is transforming.
Everything I thought I’d never be able to do (due to lack of flexibility) God has somehow given me the strength to do.
As weird as it might sound, I think the youth pastor from my old church was right, “Sex is better after you pray!” The euphoric feeling of confirming that we are one sends me over the top every time. The way we touch goes far beyond what I’ve experienced in the past.
According to my current pastor, “Sex is meant for procreation.” Apparently, it is not meant to be enjoyable or done in any other position but missionary. He is right, God says that we must “multiply,” but he also made sex a significant part of marriage.
Sex is the joining of two souls. In the end, you walk away with a piece of that person. “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’” (1 Corinthians 6:16). This is why sex should only be between man and wife. It is spiritual, not just of the flesh.

I remember discussing sex with another woman from my church and I said that the first form of sex involved God, Adam and Eve. She considered me a weirdo from that point on, but she wasn’t able to see past the negative connotation of sex. What I meant, though, was that God’s definition of sex is two souls coming together to create something new. When God made Eve, he joined his soul with Adam to create her. He took Adam’s rib and from His breath formed a new being.
The beauty of that encounter is the same way we Christians need to see sex.
It is not something nasty or wrong, as long as you’re with the right person.
 It is the one thing that only married couples should do, so why should we act as if it is wrong? For appearances? As long as my bedroom/bathroom/whatever room I’m in’s door can lock, no one can see me. Yes, God can but the wonderful, amazing ecstasy of it was also created by Him, why wouldn’t He want us to like it?
I won’t lie, there are times when I’m going the extra mile that I feel guilty, but the word says that his body belongs to me and my body belongs to him.
It also says that I must be submissive to him, servicing him in the way he requires. I am a woman that is intent on following the word. So whatever he requires, wherever, and however he requires it, I will give it to him.
Because he is mine and I am his and it shall remain that way.

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How to Deal With a Defensive Spouse

A defensive spouse can be very challenging, but here are some great practical tips on how to work together to progress forward towards change.

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Dating/Courting Home

3 Lessons Women can Learn from Queen Vashti

“Who is Queen Vashti and what the heck can I learn from her?” Queen Vashti is widely known as the individual who lost her place due to disobedience and/or as Esther’s predecessor. She’s often looked down upon, if ever mentioned.
As I recently studied Esther, I had a change of heart regarding Queen Vashti. While she is no Esther, (who happens to be my favorite bible character), there is a lesson in her short-lived story. Here’s 3 things every woman can learn from Queen Vashti:
1.Know Your Level of Tolerance
Ultimately, Queen Vashti was removed from her position when she refused to attend a party where the King wished to display her beauty. Some may say “what’s the big deal? I would have gone!” Great, but Queen Vashti chose not to. She refused to compromise who she was or what she stood for, simply for the sake of a relationship or to gain the acceptance of the king.
I’ve read several commentaries, and some state she was tired, while others say she didn’t want to be paraded around as a trophy in a room full of drunk men. Regardless of the reason, Queen Vashti teaches us the importance of knowing our limit and committing to it, even if it costs us a relationship.
2. Do Not Look Back
As I continued to read Esther, I never found mention of Queen Vashti again. I even did a Google search. Simply put, she vanished. I’ll venture out and say many single women have difficulty letting go of past relationships, often sending/responding to text messages, stalking his Facebook and holding on to past memories. Learn from Vashti and look ahead. There is a reason you chose to move on with your life, hold on to that memory.
3. Let Your Absence Speak Louder that You
As women, we sometimes feel the need to take to social media, talk to our friend and/or his, or rush into another relationship to make sure he knows “I was the best thing that ever happened to him.” Truth is, the more we scream it, the less valid it becomes. In a situation such as this, your silence and absence speaks the loudest. Ether 2:1 reads, “…he began thinking about Vashti and what she had done and the decree he had made.”
The bible doesn’t say exactly what he thought, but we do know he thought about her and the “poor” decision he made regarding her. Like Vashti, if your presence was at all valuable, he’ll realize it without your help.
Although Queen Vashti story was short-lived, she left us with food for thought. As a single woman deciding what to do next after the loss of a relationship, consider Queen Vashti as a role model. I pray the same boldness that overtook Vashti overtakes you the next time you are asked to compromise who you are, have an urge to return to someone you have let go, or when you feel the need to give the past “him” a piece of your mind.
Philippians 3:13Amplified Bible (AMP)
“I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead…”
XOXO,
A Leading Lady

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The Truth About Living Together before Marriage

Many people think that moving in together will help individuals ease their way into marriage. While this may seem as a good idea, studies are showing that this actually isn’t a great strategy.
A report by the CDC actually shows that 80% of women who cohabit before marriage are still together after 5 years while only 46% are still married after 20 years. 80% of women who did not cohabit before marriage are still married after 5 years, but 57% are still married after 20 years. The report also showed that 80% of men who cohabited before marriage were still married after 5 years, but only 53% were married after 20 years. Their married counterparts did slightly better, 82%, after 5 years, but 60% were still married after 20 years.
I have a friend who was cohabiting and I asked him why he didn’t just marry his girlfriend. I asked him, “what’s the difference.” His response was, “exactly, what’s the difference”. He said that he was cool with the way things were and he wasn’t ready for such a commitment. Not only was he living with the young lady, but he had a child with her and he still wasn’t fully committed.
Things didn’t work out with the young lady and he moved on and actually married someone else. Moving in with someone really isn’t a sign of commitment. It’s like leasing a house instead of buying it. When you rent, you are able to leave at the end of the year when your lease is up. When you buy a house, it isn’t so simple. Marriage is a true sign of commitment and many men know it. Men realize that it is a much bigger deal to stand before man and God and confess your commitment to someone than it is to just make room in your closet for someone.
Many feel that they want to cohabit so that they can get to know someone better. Cohabiting really isn’t the answer. The way to get to know someone is to take the time to get to know them. Spend as much time as you possibly can to get to know them. Spend as much time as it takes to get comfortable enough to get married without moving in with them.
I understand that people move in together because it makes since financially, but it doesn’t make sense to combine finances with someone whom you’re not sure if things will work out. You could make long-term financial commitments without the assurance of long-term financial support. I also believe that if you need someone else to be able to live a comfortable life, there may be some personal development that you may need to do on your own. It may be a good idea to ensure that you are a self reliant person before you are ready to commit to someone else.
There are many reasons that people use to justify moving in with each other, but honestly they are not good enough to justify doing so. It is unnecessary. You can prepare for marriage in separate dwellings. You can get to know one another very well without moving in together. It takes time, patience and commitment. Please, never play house.
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The #1 To Guarantee to a Failed Marriage

I have the key that guarantees your marriage will fail. It is the number one cause of divorce, division, and devastation to the average American family.
Be selfish.
That’s all you have to do. You may be wondering, “…Why would you blog about  failure? Can’t we keep things light and happy?”
Note that oftentimes, my blogs take a positive approach. It recommends what people should do. But this blog is to help people realize what they shouldn’t do if they plan to have happy, successful, long lasting relationships.
When you’re selfish, you will not care for the other person’s mental, physical and emotional needs.
Loving them in their love language? Nope. You’ll insist on loving them with yours instead. Also, you’ll focus solely on your own needs and when that person doesn’t meet them, you’ll start pondering who or what could satisfy.
Here’s the deal: marriage isn’t even about you. It’s not about your spouse either. Your marriage is a reflection and representation of Christ’s love for the church. Regardless of how you feel, you have an obligation to love your spouse passionately, unconditionally, and in a way that they receive love.
When you’re selfish, you won’t care about teamwork:
Let’s take house work for example. This can actually work one of two ways. The first way it could play out is if someone isn’t pulling their weight. When one is selfish, why would they help clean up around the house? After all, they’ve had a long day and they feel their spouse should understand!
The other way this could go is when someone does too much with the wrong intentions.
They may do all of the housework in order to have leverage in an unrelated argument later on down the line. They are just waiting for the right moment to say “I do this, this, this, this, aaaaand this! YOU OWE ME.”
Marriage works best when the two individuals are not just teammates but friends.
Constantly battling for power is a recipe for disaster. The husband may be the head of the household, but the wife is the neck that supports Him and makes things work.
 
When you’re selfish, you’ll get that feeling that you always need to be right…Every. Single. Time.
And you’ll make sure it happens by any means necessary. What’s worst is when you know something isn’t a big deal, but you desire to be right so much that you make it into a bigger deal than it ever needed to be. Your relationship will be categorized as one that is difficult and exhausting.
You may love one another, but you won’t like each other.
My pastor mentioned something profound once. He said, “I’ve never humbled myself and lost an argument.” The reason that many relationships suffer from selfishness is because of pride.
But whenever you approach things with humility instead of pride, you’re guaranteed to win. Sometimes winning is not about who’s right or wrong. Instead, it may be agreeing to disagree for the sake of peace.
How does your marriage compare?
Am I highlighting areas in your life that are hitting close to home? There’s no better time to evaluate than now. But evaluation doesn’t start looking at the whole. It starts with a different type of “self centered” approach. Begin with you, your relationship with Christ, and improving areas you can control.