The Truth About Living Together before Marriage

Many people think that moving in together will help individuals ease their way into marriage. While this may seem as a good idea, studies are showing that this actually isn’t a great strategy.
A report by the CDC actually shows that 80% of women who cohabit before marriage are still together after 5 years while only 46% are still married after 20 years. 80% of women who did not cohabit before marriage are still married after 5 years, but 57% are still married after 20 years. The report also showed that 80% of men who cohabited before marriage were still married after 5 years, but only 53% were married after 20 years. Their married counterparts did slightly better, 82%, after 5 years, but 60% were still married after 20 years.
I have a friend who was cohabiting and I asked him why he didn’t just marry his girlfriend. I asked him, “what’s the difference.” His response was, “exactly, what’s the difference”. He said that he was cool with the way things were and he wasn’t ready for such a commitment. Not only was he living with the young lady, but he had a child with her and he still wasn’t fully committed.
Things didn’t work out with the young lady and he moved on and actually married someone else. Moving in with someone really isn’t a sign of commitment. It’s like leasing a house instead of buying it. When you rent, you are able to leave at the end of the year when your lease is up. When you buy a house, it isn’t so simple. Marriage is a true sign of commitment and many men know it. Men realize that it is a much bigger deal to stand before man and God and confess your commitment to someone than it is to just make room in your closet for someone.
Many feel that they want to cohabit so that they can get to know someone better. Cohabiting really isn’t the answer. The way to get to know someone is to take the time to get to know them. Spend as much time as you possibly can to get to know them. Spend as much time as it takes to get comfortable enough to get married without moving in with them.
I understand that people move in together because it makes since financially, but it doesn’t make sense to combine finances with someone whom you’re not sure if things will work out. You could make long-term financial commitments without the assurance of long-term financial support. I also believe that if you need someone else to be able to live a comfortable life, there may be some personal development that you may need to do on your own. It may be a good idea to ensure that you are a self reliant person before you are ready to commit to someone else.
There are many reasons that people use to justify moving in with each other, but honestly they are not good enough to justify doing so. It is unnecessary. You can prepare for marriage in separate dwellings. You can get to know one another very well without moving in together. It takes time, patience and commitment. Please, never play house.
Click here for a one time special offer of Jamal Miller, Founder of Married and Young, Amazon best selling book, 25 Ways to Prepare for Marriage Other Than Dating!