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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Single

Let HER Work

I was visiting a bible study a few weeks ago with about 30 young adults. This bible study was full of people from every walk of life. That night, toward the end of the bible study, the leader decided to go around the room and have each person share where they were in their journey with patience. As I listened to everybody respond, there seemed to be a common theme in the room. That theme was patience in relationships and the desire to be married.
 
After listening for a while, the Holy Spirit spoke to me about the purpose of patience in every area but especially pertaining to relationships. One of the things I realized that night was that most people look at patience as a plague or even a punishment from God. Some said it was extremely difficult to be patient especially in relationships because often times they knew what they wanted and wanted it right away.
 
There seemed to be a lack of a desire and a value for patience that night and more value for the prize that exists on the other side of patience. So many people shared how they felt that if they could just be patient, it would be worth it in the end because they would get the guy or the girl that they desired. As I thought about it more, how does being patient help you obtain a prize? It doesn’t. In fact it can be quite opposite. Being patient sometimes can cause you to miss out on what you thought was going to be the prize.
 
In all of this, there are three things that I think are important to know about being patient in relationships. This could mean waiting for the one and not rushing into a relationship. It could also mean being patient with yourself and where you thought you would be right now in relationships. It could also mean being in a relationship and not rushing to the altar for the sake of the prize. No matter where you find yourself, here is what is important to know about patience:
 

  1. You must learn to value patience.

I wish I understood this concept when I was rushing to the altar of marriage, fresh out of college. I had no value for patience, therefore, like many of the people in the room that night, it was so much harder to be patient and so much more tempting to jump the gun in relationships, even to the point of the marriage. I had no ability to measure the damage that would be caused due to my lack of patience.

  1. Patience is not about the prize you will receive, it’s about the process you are in.

Oftentimes we think of patience as a caveat: “if we just hold out, then we will get the woman of our dreams or the man of our dreams.” The reality is, you being patient has nothing to do with the person you will end up with. It has everything to do with your trust in God and where He is taking you in life. When people are impatient, especially in relationships, it is like they are telling God to hurry up because He doesn’t understand what they need or want.

  1. Patience PERFECTS you!

The main reason patience is so important is because the Bible makes it clear in James 1, verse 4, “But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” When patience is exercised and grown in your life it perfects you. I think about people who jump the gun in relationships only to find out they still had unresolved issues on the other end of the rush – even in areas of purpose and careers. Usually when people move too quickly, they jump into something without the necessary tools to sustain their position.
 
Such was my case which led me to a divorce in less than a year. Rushing to the altar for marriage so that I would not “fall into sin” only caused me to abort the process of perfection that could only come from patience. I simply sold somebody a fragmented version of myself because I never allowed patience to have its perfect work. I was incomplete but made others believe that I had it together because I moved ahead of the process I was in.
 
Having patience in your relationships will allow God to complete the process IN YOU. It will help the other person to ensure that the person they are with (hopefully forever) will be complete, lacking nothing because of patience. Any time you jump ahead of your process, you rush into something and end up looking good on the outside while being hollow on the inside. As you enjoy the life you live, I encourage you to slow down. Don’t rush. Let patience perfect you so that when you do move into a relationship you will be complete, lacking nothing because you allowed patience to work.
 
M&Y is hosting an Online Singles Conference next month! If you are interested in registering or learning more about it, you can check out our website here: The Online Singles Conference

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Dating/Courting Home Single

Pursue Me

Guest Writer: Casey Sharperson
It was a set up. You know, when someone who loves you dearly just can’t stand that fact that you’re single, so they try to help God out, kind of set up. They mean well and you’re thankful that they care, so you accept, just in case they’re right this time and you don’t want to miss your blessing. So there I was, listening awkwardly to foreign music coming from the misaligned speakers and wondering what I’d gotten myself into. Don’t get me wrong, he was pleasant and I heard great things about him, but this date wasn’t working for me. Here’s why: I wasn’t being pursued. By his own admission, he’d stalked my social media and asked about me and decided that he knew everything that he needed to know. So instead of spending the date with small talk about life, interests, faith, we spent it talking about… him.
On the drive home, the Holy Spirit put a check in my spirit about the date. He reminded me that we do the exact same thing to Christ. We listen to testimonies about his faithfulness, sermons about his goodness, and songs about his righteousness. Technology give us access to the entire world with the swipe of a finger and the click of a button. We see inspirational posts, a nice saying about God here or there and a maybe a quick morning devotional. While nothing is wrong with these, they shouldn’t be the only elements to our relationship with God. Most of what we know and think about Christ is second-hand and from someone else. Just as we long to be pursued and prioritized in a dating relationship, we should chase God in that same manner. Let inspiration serve as a catalyst to study more about a topic, meditate on related scriptures, or pray about certain areas.
We can’t assume that we know everything about him, even if we’ve been in church for years. It’s an on-going relationship. At no point do you “arrive” and stop seeking his face. The Lord wants us to KNOW him. It takes time and energy to build and cultivate a relationship. Whether you’re single, “married to Jesus,” dating, or married, remember that your first focus is Christ. Build on your personal relationship rather than the relationship of others.
“And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13
 
 
Casey Sharperson Headshot
Casey Sharperson, known as the The Confidence Cultivator, is a speaker, blogger, and mentor to millennials looking to go to the next level. She is passionate about cultivating the confidence within others to take them from stagnant to stellar, in order to live the lives they were created to live. Named DMV’s Top 30 under 30, she is passionate about merging faith and business to unlock her client’s God-given potential. Visit her on www.caseysharperson.com for inspiration and transformation.

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Single

7 Things I Would Tell My Single Self

I am so thankful to be happily married and the mother of two wonderful children, this season is everything I could have prayed  for. In the last several days I have been thinking of my single days. I am glad I have no regrets about them, but here are some things I wish I would have known going through them.
 

  1. Relax- the one is on the way so stop hoping and praying everyone you see is the one, and no you have not met him yet. The story the Lord is writing for you is one for the storybooks. Stay focused.
  2. Grow in intimacy with God- When you get married time is going to be a precious commodity, you are on the right track, go wherever God is. Keep pursuing him with your heart.
  3. Lose weight/take care of your body- When your mate and children come it is going to be a lot harder. Keep going to the gym, develop good eating habits now.
  4. Finish School- There were so many times I wanted to give up in grad school, I am glad I did not. Finishing school while single was the best thing I could ever done for myself, some of my friends who were married with kids made it through, I just know it was a lot tougher.
  5. Go ahead and start the ministry- Many times I wanted to wait until my husband, I thought it would be easier with a partner, and it is. But the lessons I learned as a single woman leader are invaluable. Now I have my help mate but we are further ahead because I did not wait-
  6. Enjoy your sleep- Being married is not the issue, having children is. You will not sleep for many years especially mama’s. Enjoy the times when you can sleep in.
  7. Keep moving– Do not feel like if you travel, move to a different country or do something radical, your mate won’t find you. God leads people to each other, he will find you wherever you are.

Before you know it, your spouse will be here. Keep focusing on what is in front of you and you will see the goodness of God revealed.
Join us for The Online Singles Conference March 11th and 12th, everyone who registers here, will recieve a free copy of my book Journey to the Altar- A Marriage Praparation Guidebook.

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Dating/Courting Home Single

5 Signs That Indicate He/She May Not be That Into You….

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Have you ever received mixed signals from a man/woman who seemed to be into you one minute then months/years later you became confused and unsure of where the relationship was headed? If you can relate to this emotional roller coaster, here are some signs that can help to determine if he/she is really not that into you:
1. If you are the one who always initiates communication, he/she may not be that into you. When a man or woman is interested in you, he/she will call, text, email or send smoke signals to get your attention. Not in a “stalkerish” way, but you will not be left to wonder if he/she is interested in you. When the interest is mutual both individuals will do their share of communicating with one another. However, the male should be taking the lead in the pursuit. Ladies, your job is to confirm your interest after HE pursues you.
2. If he/she consistently make excuses about why they can not make time for you, he/she may not be that into you. When a man/woman is interested in you, no matter how busy their schedule is they will make time for you!
3. If no one important to them knows you exist, he/she may not be that into you. When a man finds a woman he is interested in, he will share his interest with those close to him. If he has never mentioned you to his close  friends or family, chances are he is not that into you. Women love to show off the man in their life. If she has not mentioned you after several months of dating, you may just be an option for her, but nothing serious.
4. If he/she can not express their pursuit or feelings for you publicly, but communicates to you how important you are to them in secret, the truth is he/she may not be that into you. While I don’t believe every move made in the relationship should be public, if he/she is a public person (often shares great news and aspects of their life on social media) but there is no trace of you….there may be a problem. When a man is interested in a woman and really feels she is his potential mate, he will not hide her. He is not afraid of sharing his pursuit of her publicly. If he is truly decided about her place in his life, his goal will be to take her off the market as soon as possible. As it pertains to women, a decided woman will most certainly let the world know she is taken and involved. She will not keep her man a secret!
5. If a significant amount have time has elapsed and he/she is not ready to move forward with you to the next level, he/she may not be that into you. If you have spent several months or years getting to know a man/woman by dating and discussing a future together and he/she shows no interest in moving forward….he/she may not be into you. A reluctant man is a undecided man. Men who are ready for marriage know what they want and are prepared prior to pursuing a woman. Any other form of pursuit is simply a gamble and can result in a dead end relationship. Men, a woman who will entertain you while you spend money to take her out and on gifts, but is reluctant to move forward with you after spending a significant time in a dating relationship may enjoy the benefits of having you around….however she is most likely not sold on having a future with you.
For those who desire true love God’s way, refuse to settle for dead end relationships. Do not make a man or woman your all when they they have simply made you an option! Men, you are worthy of a woman who will make room for you in her life and will commit to you and only you. Ladies, you are worth the pursuit of a decided man who will make his pursuit of you clear and known to the world!

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Dating/Courting Home Single

Singles…What is Distracting You?

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Home Single

15 Prayers For Singles to Pray While They Wait for Their Mate

Beautiful Girl reading her Bible by the sea

While waiting for your mate there are many things that you should be doing. Preparing emotionally, financially, spiritually, seeing the world, understanding your purpose and growing in God. With all the preparation that is needed, the main areas you want to focus on is : praying for yourself, your mate and your future together. Below are 15 prayers you can pray and declare daily for you and your future spouse.

  1. I declare that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and God has great plans for my life.
  2. I declare my identity is not found in success, money or a mate but in being in you Jesus.
  3. I declare that I will fulfill the plans of God over my life.
  4. I declare I am a man or woman of purpose, honor, and integrity.
  5. I declare that I am a suitable mate and will bring favor and honor to my spouse.
  6. I declare that my past does not dictate my future relationships.
  7. I declare that my past will not detour me but propel me deeper into to God and towards the mate and life he has for me.
  8. I declare that I am spiritually, physically and finically whole; I will bring something to the table.
  9. I declare I will not be deceive but with clear mind, wisdom and discernment will be able to know the perfect person God has brought for me.
  10. I declare that my marriage and family will prosper.
  11. I declare that my mate, wherever he is, is being prepared to be a wonderful and suitable mate for me.
  12. I pray for my future spouse’s mind, and that they are rooted and grounded in you.
  13. I come against any tactics of the enemy that would come to derail my future spouse and hence causing him to miss our connection.
  14. I declare that all those around us will be blessed because of our relationship.
  15. I declare that no good thing will the lord withhold from those that love him.

 
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Amen.

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Single

7 Things You Must Know About Yourself Before You Get Married

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In the classic book, Art of War, Suz Tzu states, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”
 
Then, we have Shakespeare who coined the phrase, “to thyself be true”.
 
It is within these two powerful quotes that capture one of the most important things you could ever do which is to learn yourself. One of the greatest assets for going into marriage is knowing oneself well.
 
Here are 7 things you must know about yourself before you get married.

  1. Know what tempts you.

Some have bought into the lie that when you get married that your attraction will be only for your spouse. This is the furthest from the truth. Self control is one of the most important qualities to master before you get married. You must know what your weaknesses are before you marry so you can stay far away from them within marriage. Adultery is nothing to play with and has ruined many lives.
2. What you’re good at.
Just like you should learn what your weaknesses are you should also learn what comes natural to you. Another powerful asset to marriage is knowing what you bring to the table. No man or woman wants to marry a person that doesn’t increase their overall value as a couple. When I met my wife I knew immediately how she added to me by recognizing her strengths in comparison to my weaknesses.
3. Know where you spend your time.
Have you ever taken your entire week and assessed it for where you spent every single minute of your day. Talking about learning yourself. My mercy. You will immediately learn where you’re wasting to much time and also the things that you’re neglecting
4. What entertains you.What do you like to do for fun? What makes you laugh?   What do you like to do calm down and enjoy the results of a job well done. Being a workaholic in marriage can suck the life out of your marriage very quick.   Learn now how to have fun doing what entertains you.
5. What motivates you.
We all have those days where we don’t want to get out of bed due to the overwhelming stress of life, heavy responsibilities, and sometimes pure I don’t care anymore thoughts. It is at these times you must know what motivates you. What will you find refuge in for a source of revitalizing your passion towards life. I have days where I want to quit, but then I think on the things that are my why for life. It is these things that help me fight the good fight each and every day. What are your whys for life? What motivates you to keep going when life is knocking you down?
6. What hurts you.
Everyone hurts differently and is hurt by different things. What you have to realize is that hurting is a part of relationships. I love it how this lyrical genius put it in this song, “ Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” You can’t go into any relationship with the fear of getting hurt. That is the great risk of loving people. But, it is good to know what hurts you in order to help those close to you. My wife and I had a very candid conversations about the things that hurt each other. We both had different things, and because of that conversation I know how to love her better.
7. Your love language
We all give and receive love differently. Knowing your love language is so pivotal for the health of your relationships. The 5 love languages are, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, and physical touch. It is found that what you do the most naturally is usually your love language.
 
I pray these 7 things will help you dive deeper into learning yourself better in order to be a greater asset to your future spouse.

Categories
Communication Home Marriage

4 Ways To Not Be A Boring Husband

I was sitting on the couch last week looking across the living room at my gorgeous wife when I realized I had gotten in a rut.
It was the boring rut.
We can get caught in a rut overnight or slide into it slowly over weeks.
Here is what is dangerous about a Boring Rut:
Your wife can be OK with it.
She can be fine with just hanging out with you. She might even say she doesn’t need adventure or something different, because she is fine just being with you.
She may also be fine sitting with you watching a boring TV show. But, why not find an exciting show to watch together?
She may also be fine going to a restaurant and eating so-so food. But, why not find a restaurant that offers deliciously satisfying food?
So, what do you do when you realize you have become lazy and are living in a boring rut?  Here are 4 ways to get out of that boring rut:
1. You have to care
As a leader at work, I care that my employees are giving me 1/3 of their day. I want to maximize that time so they feel satisfied at work and are productive. Their satisfaction means something to me.
In the same way, you need to care that your wife deserves the best. You need to care that her satisfaction is a priority.  If you are apathetic, you need to repent of that and ask God to give you a hunger for a life-giving marriage.
2. Tweak the daily rituals
The monotonous rituals in your marriage can become boring or they can be inspiring.  Here are some ways to tweak them:
Coming home: Pull into your driveway and rev your care engine. This will work if your wife is home the same time as you. When she opens door and asks what you are doing. Tell her that your car is an extension of your love for her and the engine is an extension of your heart. As the engine revs up so your heart is reved up for her. Another way to tweak coming home is to kiss her for 10 seconds when you enter the house instead of going to the couch, checking mail, etc.
Convo’s: Go on a walk in the neighborhood compared to just sitting down in the house talking.
Date Night: Check local Facebook groups, etc to find new activities to do. Or do one thing that is different on your regular date night–something that you normally don’t do.
3. Know when you are falling back into the boring rut
If you are physically fit, you can check the scale, heart rate, etc. to know if you are staying fit. But, how do you measure if you have fallen back into the boring rut?
Here is a simple way for you to know:
Ask your wife, “On a scale of 1-10, how innovative or adventurous am I as a husband? Or ask, “I want you to be my biggest fan. What are some things I used to do in our marriage that you would really appreciate if I started doing again?”
4. Sustain the innovation in your marriage
In your work life, you probably either use Google calendar or Outlook to make your performance more productive, to not forget important meetings, and to ensure you stay on task.
You need to do the same thing with your marriage so you stay out of the boring rut.
Here are some marriage ideas to add to your calendar:
Times for you to brainstorm date ideas.
Times to randomly text your wife during the day to let her know you are thinking of her.
Time to plan your next weekend getaway.
When you need to buy a marriage book, listen to marriage podcast, etc.
Don’t allow a boredom rut to get deeper in your marriage. You are the innovator of your marriage. You are the creative architect of your marriage. Ask God to give you the passion to keep your marriage fresh.
Question: What have you done recently to keep your marriage out of the boredom rut?

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Home

20 Gift Ideas for Him or Her This Christmas

With Christmas right around the corner, we thought we would put together a helpful list to help you purchase gift for the loved ones in your life.
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This perfume by Jessica Parker is a great gift idea that is sure to leave your wife smelling lovely!
 
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Every lady loves a shower that is going to leave her feeling refreshed every time!
 
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This Kate Spade pendant necklace is a  perfect and practical piece of jewelry for your special lady!
 
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This Tartan Wrap Holiday Blanket Scarf is such a fashionable and fun piece to keep you loved one warm and cozy all season!
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These Bamboo Handle Makeup Brushes by Naked is surely a winner for your special lady this season! Every woman loves a good make up applicator.
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This Marc by Marc Jacobs Rose Gold watch is a beautiful accessory that will be worn for a lifetime!
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These Aldo Womens Jen Riding boots are hot gift this season for the ones you love!
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Valery Classic Leather Notebook is a perfect gift for the one who enjoys writing down goals and dreams for the coming new year!
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#1 Fruit Infuser Water bottle is the perfect gift for a health/workout enthusiast this season!
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These Hammered Copper Moscow Mule Mug is perfect for the woman who loves to entertain.
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Beats Pro Over- Ear Headphones are perfect for the music lover in your life!
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Fossil Mens Quinn Bifold Wallet is perfect for the everyday man.
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ZLYC Mens Vintage Genuine Leather and Canvas Messenger bag is perfect for the man who is always on the go!
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This Basic Beard Care Kit is perfect for the man who loves to groom himself in style.
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A Portable Charger is practical gift for the one you love! No one likes to run out of battery life while your on the go!
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You can never go wrong with a Selfie Stick for a Christmas Gift!
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Givenchy Pi Cologne is the perfect gift for the man in your life!
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This BBQ Grill Tool Set is perfect for the man who loves to barbecue and grill on a daily basis!
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Mens Long Sleeve Stand Collar Fleece zip up is perfect to keep your man warm through the fall and winter season.
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Tom Tom Multi Sport Cardio Watch is perfect for your spouse that loves fitness!

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Home Spiritual Intimacy

10 Powerful Prayers to Declare Over Your Marriage Daily

Your marriage is a living organism. What you put into it is what it becomes. It must be taken care of and natured in order for it to blossom and grow.
One of the main ways to make sure your marriage grows and evolves is to pray over it on a constant basis.
Here are 10 declarations to say over your marriage daily. Say them individually and with your spouse! Water your marriage with prayers and the word and you will see it blossom.

  1. I declare that we are one, we walk in unity and agreement in our soul, mind, body and spirit.
  2. I declare that the enemy has no room in our hearts, in our marriage and in our family.
  3. I declare that we will grow deeper in love with each passing day as we grow deeper in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
  4. I declare this marriage will fulfill the purpose that God intended it too, we will walk out the call of God on our lives individually and as a couple.
  5. I declare that our children, finances, and endeavours are blessed by God and will bring him glory and honor.
  6. I declare that we will seek to understand one another, always forgive and always believe the best of each other.
  7. I declare that this marriage and home will be a house of prayer, a house of worship and a house of Joy.
  8. I declare that our love and intimacy will increase as the days go by , that we will always crave each other and not other man or woman.
  9. I declare that whatever God has put together no man will put asunder.
  10. I declare that our marriage will leave a legacy on earth that will points everyone who interacts with us to Jesus!

In Jesus Name,
Amen!