Let’s face it, we all want to date the perfect gentleman! Most women would love a man who answers her calls, lifts her up when she’s down, recognizes her worth, pushes her towards her dreams and goals, and opens doors for her.
Often times, we as women settle for less then God’s best; some out of loneliness, some out of desperation and others out of a lack of understanding as to how they deserve to be treated! Me, I was the girl who simply didn’t understand just how much I was worth. But that’s the thing about dating a gentleman; he’ll never allow you to forget just how special you are.
I remember deciding I was tired of being mistreated by guys who spoke down on me, called me out of my name, and was just down right disrespectful. I remember sitting on my dorm room floor crying out to God regarding my feelings of hurt. It’s almost as if he said, “Well, date me”.
Now I’ve always thought people who “dated” Jesus were just weird and lonely (lbs). But it was after failed relationships with man, that I decided to make room for the ULTIMATE gentleman. So where did I find this gentleman? I found him in my quiet time, hidden in my word (the Bible)!
The more time I spent with Jesus, the more time he spent with me, the more I became acquainted with his voice, the more he shared his thoughts regarding me, the more he affirmed who I was created to be and the more doors he opened for me, among other things.
Though I once thought it was weird to “date” Jesus, it was in dating him that I realized what I really wanted and what I deserved in a man. I realized that a “thug” didn’t have the capacity to love the woman of God, God created me to be. I learned that a man who doesn’t have God’s own heart could never treat me as Jesus did! It was in dating Jesus that I realized EXACTLY what I deserved and wanted!
So you want to date a perfect gentleman, huh? Start with dating THEE perfect gentleman. When you get to know him, it’ll be easier to recognize his heartbeat in the heartbeat of others. It’ll be easier to turn away from those who don’t display his characteristics. Finally, it’ll be easier to be found by the one who will love you and treat you as Jesus did!
Much to my surprise, dating Jesus isn’t for the lonely and weird, it’s for the wise!
Be encouraged!
Shannon C Colar
Tag: truth
In the classic book, Art of War, Suz Tzu states, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”
Then, we have Shakespeare who coined the phrase, “to thyself be true”.
It is within these two powerful quotes that capture one of the most important things you could ever do which is to learn yourself. One of the greatest assets for going into marriage is knowing oneself well.
Here are 7 things you must know about yourself before you get married.
- Know what tempts you.
Some have bought into the lie that when you get married that your attraction will be only for your spouse. This is the furthest from the truth. Self control is one of the most important qualities to master before you get married. You must know what your weaknesses are before you marry so you can stay far away from them within marriage. Adultery is nothing to play with and has ruined many lives.
2. What you’re good at.
Just like you should learn what your weaknesses are you should also learn what comes natural to you. Another powerful asset to marriage is knowing what you bring to the table. No man or woman wants to marry a person that doesn’t increase their overall value as a couple. When I met my wife I knew immediately how she added to me by recognizing her strengths in comparison to my weaknesses.
3. Know where you spend your time.
Have you ever taken your entire week and assessed it for where you spent every single minute of your day. Talking about learning yourself. My mercy. You will immediately learn where you’re wasting to much time and also the things that you’re neglecting
4. What entertains you.What do you like to do for fun? What makes you laugh? What do you like to do calm down and enjoy the results of a job well done. Being a workaholic in marriage can suck the life out of your marriage very quick. Learn now how to have fun doing what entertains you.
5. What motivates you.
We all have those days where we don’t want to get out of bed due to the overwhelming stress of life, heavy responsibilities, and sometimes pure I don’t care anymore thoughts. It is at these times you must know what motivates you. What will you find refuge in for a source of revitalizing your passion towards life. I have days where I want to quit, but then I think on the things that are my why for life. It is these things that help me fight the good fight each and every day. What are your whys for life? What motivates you to keep going when life is knocking you down?
6. What hurts you.
Everyone hurts differently and is hurt by different things. What you have to realize is that hurting is a part of relationships. I love it how this lyrical genius put it in this song, “ Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” You can’t go into any relationship with the fear of getting hurt. That is the great risk of loving people. But, it is good to know what hurts you in order to help those close to you. My wife and I had a very candid conversations about the things that hurt each other. We both had different things, and because of that conversation I know how to love her better.
7. Your love language
We all give and receive love differently. Knowing your love language is so pivotal for the health of your relationships. The 5 love languages are, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, and physical touch. It is found that what you do the most naturally is usually your love language.
I pray these 7 things will help you dive deeper into learning yourself better in order to be a greater asset to your future spouse.
Pornography. The dirty secret of mankind, the killer of relationships and the destroyer of lives.
Statistically, more than 50% of (christian) married men immerse themselves in this vial content. But, whether Christian or not, to deny the negative effects pornography has on ones life would be naive. It is even proven in scientific studies that porn can:
- Destroy trust in intimacy between couples
- Lower your sensitivity to vulgarity
- Cause a belief that marriage is restraining
- Create a lack of desire to raise children or be involved with family
- Distract your from your work, career, dreams and calling on your life
While there is no specific place in scripture where God says, “Porn is bad,” there are crucial scriptural references from which we can pull an adequate and biblical standpoint on the subject. Scriptures that cover addiction (Corinthians 6:12,) impurity/sexual immorality (Ephesians 4:19,) lust (Matthew 5:28,) etc., are all powerful and relevant references.
Still, marriages are destroyed daily, kids are left fatherless, leadership positions in the house of God are abandoned, and commitments are forgotten…all for what?
Pornography?
Let’s take a deeper look into this topic as I reveal 3 Reasons Christian Men Fall Slave to Porn.
I. They Have a Misunderstanding of Love
Point blank: God is love.
Pornography provides a false sense of love, where love is demonstrated by passion and desire rather than commitment. A misunderstanding of love can stem from a vast array of life issues, (we all have them.) But, when we don’t understand that God is love, we tend to fill that void with things that temporarily make us feel good.
When you are living a life without a true understanding of love, you are holding yourself back from complete freedom in the Lord and are willingly opening the doors to resentment in your marriage.
You can, however, overcome; not by your own strength, but by gaining knowledge and wisdom on the subject of true love from a biblical standpoint.
II. Their Marriage Is Not Satisfying
Relationships, especially marriages, take a lot of work. Day-in and day-out, it takes effort to sustain a Godly marriage, which can be quite draining, mentally and physically. Porn offers (Christian) men a ‘solution’ where they:
- Don’t have to make commitments
- Aren’t required to express romance
- Don’t have to sacrifice
- Aren’t limited to one woman
- Don’t have to hear “no thanks…”
The often unknown truth about marital intimacy, is that sexual satisfaction takes time (longer in some marriages than others.) There needs to be a balance of understanding, grace and sacrifice that takes place during this time of growth.
III. They Don’t Understand God’s Order
A man is driven by his ability to conquer, lead and protect; we are hardwired with these natural instincts. But these instincts can become distorted, and we can easily forget them if we allow our marriage to get out of order. When your marriage operates out of God’s order, it leaves room for you to turn to addictions that still give you that sense of control.
If a man understands and obediently follows God’s order in his Christian marriage, it leaves no room for error in sexual sin. (Note that I said ‘no room for error’ and not ‘no room for temptation.’ Temptation will always be there, but error doesn’t have to be.)
Ultimately, when you look past all of the distortion that porn addiction brings to a marriage, it all boils down to the fact that the man is changing up God’s intended order. He is putting his own needs before His wife’s needs, and since he is the spiritual leader of his home, impurity is inevitably where he leads his family.
Don’t go down a path you weren’t created for. Man up and lead your marriage to greatness.