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5 Steps to Managing Disappointments in the Unmarried Life

Unmarried men and women, how do you manage the disappointment of feeling like God has forgotten about you and the bombarding thoughts that you may never have the family or marriage you desire? How do you manage the disappointment that comes from waiting on the Lord and walking in purity for years, yet still not seeing your desire for marriage and a family come to pass? How do you manage the disappointment of a failed relationship that started out with great potential?
 
If left unmanaged, these disappointments are more likely to lead to greater disappointments, continued discouragement, and repetitive cycles. Although some disappointments are inevitable, there are successful ways to manage the disappointments that many unmarried men and women who desire marriage often experience.
 
 
5 Steps to Managing Disappointments in the Unmarried Life:
 

  1. Honesty & Transparency –

The first step to managing disappointment is to be honest with yourself and transparent with God about what you are feeling. Without acknowledging you are disappointed, you will not be able to manage it. Being honest with God and yourself is necessary when dealing with the issues that caused the disappointment. There is liberty and freedom in being able to vocalize your disappointments and to be able to honestly express what you are feeling. The Lord longs for us to share the matters of our heart with him.
Lamentations 3:25 “The Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek for him.”
 
Psalm 55:22 “Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.”
 
 

  1. Accountability-

The second step to managing disappointments that evolve from the unmarried life is to have accountability. In addition to God, you need someone in your life to be transparent with and to hold you accountable for your actions, choices and decisions. After you vocalize your disappointment, a sober accountability partner, who you trust, will need to hold you accountable when you are faced with the temptation of believing the off-perspectives of the enemy concerning your future versus the truth and promises of God concerning your future. The key to choosing a suitable accountability partner(s) is choosing someone who does not have the same struggle you do. Your accountability person(s) should be someone who is stronger in your areas of your weaknesses. If you choose an accountability person who has the same struggles or issues, you will find yourself in a situation where the blind will attempt to lead the blind.
Proverbs 27:17  “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12  “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
Galatians 6:1-2  “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
 
 

  1. Measurement & Reflection-

You will need a system of measurement to determine what went wrong, why it went wrong and what you could do better the next time to avoid the pitfall. Step three of managing disappointment is adopting a system of measurement and reflecting on the events that caused disappointment to surface in your life. Allowing God to measure you is the most important form of measurement. Getting in His presence and allowing Him to show you what lead to your disappointment are imperative. Instead of relying on the experience itself to teach you a lesson, allow the Holy Spirit to reveal to you any areas where you need to change or improve. Your accountability partner(s) should also play a key role in the measurement and reflection process.
Proverbs 1:5  “Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance.”
Proverbs 10:17 “ Whoever heeds instruction is on the path to life, but he who rejects reproof leads others astray.”
 
 

  1. Move Forward-

When disappointment comes, it can cause stagnation and an inability to move forward. Unmanaged disappointment drives individuals to live in the past and function from a place of hurt and discouragement. Stagnation and fear are byproducts of unmanaged disappointment and becomes a defensive mechanism to prevent disappointment from occurring again. In order to manage disappointment, it is vital that you not stay stuck in the same mindset, emotional state or heart posture that led you to an unhealthy place. Moving forward is the the fourth step of managing disappointment and the only way to walk in the direction of God’s promises. Stagnation and backward movement will most certainly delay the plans of God for your life. You have to first be honest with God about your disappointment and then allow him to change your perspectives and get moving!
Philippians 3:13-14 “Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
 
 

  1. Trust God-

The final step of learning to manage disappointment is to simply trust God and His word. When we learn to truly trust God, we lose the fear of taking risks because we know he his plans for us are of good and not of evil and are to give us a future and hope (Jeremiah 29:11). Trusting that God has your best interest in mind will allow you to find true security in your present and be hopeful concerning your future.
Romans 8:28  “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Jeremiah 29:11  “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Proverbs 3:5 “ Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”
Proverbs 3:6  “In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
Psalm 28:7  “The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.”
 
 
 
God knows we will experience disappointment before it happens. While He never promised we would not experience disappointment, He does promise to be with us through every disappointment and to protect us throughout the process. No disappointment is greater than the power of God! Through His power He enables us to be honest with our feelings, accountable for our choices and decisions, gives us courage to move forward and the faith to trust Him, and  helps us truly believe that all things will work together for our good!

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Engaged Finances Marriage

The 4 Steps to Teamwork Making the Dreamwork in Marriage

A husband and wife, at the most basic level, are a team. Man and wife become a special force of power when their minds come together in unity.  At every stage in marriage, think of creative ways to divide and conquer in accordance with what God has called you both to do. A married couple must fight together in order to overcome the temptations of culture such as adultery, divorce, apathy, and even the average status quo. Here is a guide to becoming the best married team ever.
#1: Set a Game Plan
How can you win a game without a game plan? In the same way, how can you win in marriage if you have no idea what to conquer? Do you have business plans, ministries, college funds, financial goals, or anything else to plan for? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then you need to establish goals and make them measurable, establish roles and make them flexible, and establish expectations and make them attainable.
 
 
#2: Develop Yourself
In other words, continue reading the Bible. Spend time in prayer. Grow in your spiritual gifts. Surround yourself with strong, ambitious, like-minded people. Read books. Whatever you do, keep growing. If you’re not growing, you’re dropping the ball. You will hold your spouse back if their level of faith and mindset is a 10/10 and yours are a 2. Together, you both must develop in Spirit, in mind, in body, and in soul.
Not everyone is skilled to play quarter back. Not everyone is built to play center. Figure out what your calling is in marriage and in life, and hone in on it. Many times, your calling is intertwined with your spouse’s. If you’re operating at your full potential in your area of expertise, then your team will be better for it.
 
 
#3: Empower your Teammate
This is where many teams fail. They mistake their teammates for their opponents. They begin tearing them down with their words, their attitude, their lack of support, and their apathy. But, when you remember that your teammate’s success directly influences your success, you’ll do everything you can to ensure that they’re growing.
If they miss a shot, cover for them. If they make the wrong play, then improvise with them. Encourage them. Challenge them. Build them up. Take responsibility for all that they fail at and all that they accomplish. Don’t ever blame them for the team’s failure. Your spouse is a reflection of you. If your spouse isn’t playing good and hard, then ask yourself, “What am I doing to empower my teammate?”
 
 
#4: Play by the Rules
You could play a mean game with your partner or you could make a bunch of fouls and forfeit your chance for victory. In order to play clean and win big, you must treat every disagreement, argument, and bump in the road with love and care. You’re only giving leverage to the enemy if you decide to belittle your spouse when emotions are running high, or to threaten divorce every time life gets hard.
Play by the rules: Forgive easily. Keep no record of wrongs. Treat your spouse the way you’d want to be treated. And in all circumstances, approach your spouse with love and respect.
 
 
 
If you aren’t already functioning as a team or are just beginning your journey as a team, remember that becoming a good team will take time. Take the time to learn your spouse’s strengths and weaknesses; this will help you understand how to be the best and most supportive teammate for them. If you want to win the game, it’s time to start acting like a team!

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Marriage

How to Be There When Your Spouse is Grieving

On March 22nd 2015, I received a phone call from my Uncle Earl. He called to see how I was settling in to my new home in Georgia. I expressed to him how nice it was to get away from the hustle and bustle of NYC. I talked to him about his knee surgery and he told me he was doing well. Midnight of March 23rd, I received a call from my dad.
He informed me that my uncle had passed away. My heart fell to pieces. I cried into my husband’s shoulders as it all sank in. I mourned not only for my uncle, but for my cousins’ loss and my father’s loss.
 
The next few days were difficult. I was lost in a daze wondering how life and how God could be so cruel. Though my cousins are adults, I felt like they were orphaned and it wasn’t fair. I withdrew myself from my family; not for long, but I withdrew nevertheless. I tried to smile for my daughter, but the pain and confusion I felt could not be masked.
 
My husband tried his best to hold up his grieving wife, but I was so sensitive that the slightest joke made me fall apart. Instead of trying to cheer me up, he began to grieve with me.
 
I knew right away that I would be attending the funeral, even though it would have put a financial strain on us. My husband refused to let me attend alone. Though I tried to tell him that we didn’t have the money and that I would be okay, he said “I have to be there for you.”
 
In our five year relationship, we’ve experienced significant losses on his side, and I always tried to be there for him as much as possible. In fact, when he lost his grandfather, we were in the middle of a fight. I was pregnant and in the hospital with high blood pressure and contractions at 7 months and was two hours away from home. I begged him to stay with his family and not travel to see me because I was so angry with him, but in all of my anger, I tried my best to be there for him. I helped him and his cousin work on the programs and I checked on him often to make sure that he was okay.
 
Three years later, he was going to do everything in his power to be there for me. Thankfully, myself, my husband, and little girl received assistance with our tickets and were able to travel as a family. I am so glad that we did. My husband held me through it all, bonded with my family, and made it his mission to be present. That’s all I really needed.
 
Sometimes it’s difficult to understand your duty as a spouse when your husband or wife loses a loved one. How are you supposed react, especially when it isn’t someone you didn’t really know well? Just be present. Try your best to be all the support that he or she needs. Don’t argue about the little things because they don’t matter—frankly they never really matter, because as you now see, life is too short.
Your spouse may react in bizarre ways, like cry when he/she is supposed to laugh but it’s all a part of the grieving process. So, grieve with him/her. You don’t have to speak, just be there.
 
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) God has given us the ability and nature to be empathetic. Apply the innate empathy to your unconditional love for your spouse and you will be the best (earthly) remedy for your spouse’s broken heart.

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Marriage Physical Intimacy

Friends and Lovers: The Key to Making it through the Good, Bad, and Ugly

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Home

3 Areas My Wife Needs Me to do Better In

It’s only April and that means that there are eight months ahead of us that are packed with promise! There’s still time to be creative and aggressive in my pursuit of Christ, and my role as a husband and father. On the downside, I still find myself looking back and cringing on some things that didn’t work for me as a husband. Some of 2014’s battles are still smoldering. There’s still time to cringe and wince in pain over what didn’t work out so well.
 
I’m not advocating living in the past, and yet, a crucial element of our faith depends upon gaining understanding from our missteps and pitfalls as we press ahead in Christ. We count the cost. Jesus said in Luke 14:28, “For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it?”
 
I may not be building a tower, but my marriage is a monument to God and His love towards His Bride, so it merits careful and continuous reflection.
 
 
On that note, here are three things that backfired for me as a husband in 2014:

  1. I became way too busy. I said “yes” when I should have said “no.” I charged ahead on projects that I should have waited on. I got distracted by people, events, and circumstances. Here’s a freebie, husbands: if your wife says “I miss you” multiple times in one week, and you are coming home to her every day, then chances are that you’re still not there, not really “present”.
  2. I allowed other things to define me. I know who I am in Christ! Deep down inside, I walk with my head held high and my eyes on the prize….except when I don’t. When I let my job, circumstances, or bad days tell me who I am, then I begin to base who I believe myself to be off of circumstances. It’s okay to have a bad day, husbands, but if we really claim that “we have this hope as an anchor for the soul,” (Hebrews 6:19) then, even if we get bruises, we have to rise up and believe in who our Daddy is and who He says we are.
  3. I didn’t cover my wife as her spiritual covering as much as I needed to. The concept of husbands covering their wives is in the Bible. Ephesians 5:25-26 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.” This covering isn’t smothering. It’s protecting.I cringe as I think about things that my wife told me that really called for me to drop what I was doing and fight for her. (I want to slap myself upside the head when I think back on how impatient I was with my wife when she and the kids all had the flu. I was the lone survivor. This was prime time for me to rise to the occasion and serve my family without complaining, and instead demonstrate patience and compassion through support and servant hood!)

 
 
This list may have given the impression that I am beating myself up, but I’m not, I’m taking inventory. As a husband, I’m required to also be a steward. I’m taking care of a daughter of the King of Kings! And yes, although He’s extremely patient, it’s still my job to do well. He commissioned her to respect me, in spite of myself, and has commissioned me to love and honor her, in spite of my shortcomings.
Question: Husbands, what areas didn’t work out for you in 2014?
Challenge: Ask the Lord to show you what your wife needs from you this year. Champion her cause and be the man of her dreams and God’s choice for your marriage!
 
 
 
All Scriptures taken from New American Standard Bible

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Home Marriage

8 Ways to Choose Your Mate Everyday Even When You Don't Want To

In my last article, I wrote about how God has given us the will to choose our mate. Well, the choosing doesn’t stop at the altar; rather, we must continue to choose our mate every day. Not just with the goal of simply “staying married,” but in choices that will help the marriage thrive and grow. Below are 8 ways I believe we can actively choose our mate daily in order to continue to grow and mature in love.
 
 

  1. Choose to forgive–

We have all heard it before; marriage is just two people who are really good at forgiving. Forgiveness is a choice, and one that is vital to having a healthy marriage. On a weekly basis husbands and wives have misunderstandings, and from time to time they even hurt each other’s feelings. This is normal. However, it should be just as normal to forgive our spouse, even when we are tempted to hold on to the pain. Talking out issues, forgiving one another, and not bringing it up the issue in future arguments is the best thing you can do for your marriage.  Remember, according to 1 Corinthians 13:5, “Love keeps no record of wrong.”
 
 

  1. Choose to believe the best –

The word says that love always hopes; hope is the greatest gift you can give your marriage. Not just in hard times, but at all times, choose to always believe the best for your marriage. Choose to hope; choose to believe the best in your spouse. Do not choose to believe the worst about them and jump to conclusions. God always has good thoughts towards us and about us, even when we have given Him ample reason to believe otherwise.
 
 

  1. Choose to suffer long-

There will be seasons in your marriage that require long suffering; they maybe seasons of sickness or hardships, or even long months of misunderstanding. The ability to choose to suffer long says “no matter the pain and no matter the difficulty, I am in this for the long haul. I will not quit on you; I CHOOSE to fight through this.” After all choosing is a thought out choice, not an emotion.
 
 

  1. Choose to be kind–

Choose to extend grace weekly. Choose to season your words with grace. Choose to be slow to anger and slow to speak. Honor your spouse by treating them as a child of God. Kindness goes a long way in marriage. Choose to be kind, even when you are mistreated.
 
 

  1. Choose to laugh–

Laughter is the glue of any marriage. Choose to enjoy your spouse, to be playful, and to enjoy life together. Loosen up!  Remember scripture says “laughter is medicine for the soul!”
 
 

  1. Choose intimacy–

Choose to enjoy your spouse’s body.  Choose to have sex and be close, even if you are tired.  Choose to push through the busyness of life and make time for loving your mate. Sex is a choice. When you choose to push your excuses away, you’ll find that you are glad you did. Choose your spouse tonight.
 
 

  1. Choose Jesus as your leader–

When two people really love God and are fully commitment to Jesus, it makes it a lot easier to love other people. God is love, so apart from Him, when cannot know or give true love. When our hearts are devoted to Jesus, we are able to be devoted to one another. Choose to grow in God daily, which will make it easier to choose your spouse.
 
 

  1. Choose marriage–

Your Marriage is a choice.  If it blossoms, it’s because you and your spouse made it a priority. Choose to invest time in marital materials and attend conferences to enrich your marriage. Choose date nights, choose to talk things through instead of holding them in, and choose your marriage covenant over the opinions of family members and even outside voices. If this thing works, it’s because of the choices you two make. If it fails, it’s also because of the choices that were made. Choose today to make great choices for your marriage; you won’t regret it!
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Finances

8 Savings Goals for Newlyweds Who Want to Double Their Money

Saving your money is the key to growing financially. Saving helps you grow because it stops you from falling into debt and also frees up money that can propel you forward (e.g. investing). And, when it comes to saving, there’s no better time to start than when things are fresh and new as newlyweds.
 
As important as saving is, most couples just simply don’t do it. The truth is, without the encouragement and focus to stay motivated; giving up on your savings goals can become way too easy. So, how do newlyweds overcome this financial hurdle?
 
Here’s a little secret to success: couples that are specific with their savings goals have a higher chance of actually achieving them. Tell me this: would you be more motivated to save just to see the numbers in your account climb higher, or to be able to take that trip to Hawaii happening next spring? Being able to see the benefit of you saving can help you say “no” to some of the right-now purchases so that you can say “yes” to the larger reward that you’re saving for. In order to be motivated to reach your goal, the goal must be clearly defined and a goal you are actually motivated to achieve.
 
 
 
So, here are 8 really good and (really specific!) savings goals for newlyweds who want to rock their money, meet their goals, and start off strong!
 
#1 Emergency Stash
Probably the most important of them all: the emergency fund. Nothing sets you back more quickly than a very large surprise-expense. You can’t predict every cost that will pop up, but you can set aside a generic amount to protect your budget, off-set the unexpected cost, and make sure you don’t have to dip into your funds for other things, such as that trip to Hawaii!
Generally, most couples try to save at least 3-6 months of their living expenses; some do more and some do less, but general you want to keep a base of at least $1,000-$2,000. The amount should be based upon your specific situation and what works for your family.
 
 
#2 Credit Card Debt
Was your wedding over budget? Are you still paying on those spending sprees from college? Credit card balances have a bad habit of lingering. But, paying them off can free up money for some of the more fun savings goals that are important for your future. And, when you pay them off, you aren’t throwing away money towards interest rates.
Hint: paying more than your minimum payment will help you quickly pay off this debt (but you have stop using the card first).
 
 
#3 Student Loan Debt
I’m not just calling this out because I’m paying off $180,000 in 3 years . I truly believe that all debt should be paid off because we have so much more that we can do with our money. I mean, I thought of 8 things just for this post! I also believe that no matter how high your debt, when you can commit to paying more than your minimum payment consistently, you can do some serious damage to your student loans.
 
 
#4 Getaways / Family Trips
One mistake many couples make is being all work and no play. We have to start to making time and setting aside money for fun. We need those trips to revitalize us!  So, make sure you start planning for these trips now so you can make them happen. It may be expensive to travel, but if you plan a year or even two years out, you can go anywhere. Plus, planning them together is a lot of fun!
Also, it’s really easy to price -out a trip beforehand, even if it’s just an estimate. And, if you work with a free travel agent, it’s even easier. You can check out how we went to Costa Rica on a budget here.
 
 
#5 Baby Fund
We don’t have kids yet, but we want to be as prepared as possible when we’re ready for them. I know, I know, you can never be fully ready for kids, but that doesn’t mean we can’t try our best to be prepared as much as possible ahead of time!
There are so many mommy bloggers who have spoken in detail about their expenses, along with other great resources and mommy-tips. This article seems to list every possible thing you can buy for baby. It’s a great resource to pick and choose what you’ll need, and get a good sense of cost.
My philosophy is to always pick a goal that works for your situation. If you’re not yet pregnant and have a year or two to save, you may want to shoot for the higher amount. If you’re 4 months away from baby arriving, put away what you can. Any amount you save will be more than if you saved nothing at all!
 
 
#6 New Car/House
I’m about that cash life. So, when hubby and I buy a car within the next year or so, we plan to buy with cash. I can’t pay off this student loan debt only to go back into debt for a car. I believe if you plan for any purchase early enough, you can save for it. If you know you’ll need a car within the next 1-2 years, don’t let anything stop you from prioritizing this as a savings goal. If a house is in your future, don’t just bank on getting the largest home loan (sorry, pun intended).
Save for the entire purchase (yes, that includes a house!), or save as much as you can to reduce the amount you have to borrow. It all depends on how long you’re able to save, and how consistent you are with putting money away.
 
 
#7 Kid’s college fund
If baby is already here and you want him or her to go to college without the massive student loans, one way is to start saving for their education now.
There are savings/investment plans that I recommend you discuss with a certified Financial Professional (e.g. the 529 College Savings Plan is extremely popular…you can read more on it here).
 
 
#8 Early retirement
Most people don’t want to work forever, but few put extra money toward early retirement (or even regular retirement). I want to work as few years as possible, or at least have the freedom to quit and travel the world. Yep, I’m talking the type of financial freedom where you can never work another day in your life because your money makes money (in interest).
Investing is really the only way to get here. If you invest a certain amount over the course of 20-30 years, you can have a serious nest egg depending on how the market performs. Again, I recommend you speak with a trusted Certified Financial Planner for your options, your risk, and what it will take to reach your goals.
 
 
 
At the end of the day, you can’t go wrong with any of the above savings goals.  But, it can be overwhelming if you try to tackle them all at once. I like to use the simple rule of 1-3 money goals at a time.  Depending on the amount, you may just want to go hard on one. Focusing your money on fewer goals helps you see greater progress; and this is important for building momentum and keeping at it. Most importantly, get started! If you don’t ever start saving, you can’t ever reap the benefits of saving!
 
So, what savings goal/s is your household focusing on?

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Home

8 Fun and Cheap Date Ideas for Singles, Married, or Courting

 
With the summer rapidly approaching, I can’t help but starting planning cool little dates for my boyfriend and me. Being that we both are saving our money for some exciting projects, majority of our fun will have to be COST EFFECTIVE! Here’s a little list of the things I’ve come up with so far:
1.Photo Shoot- Who doesn’t like taking pictures to capture precious memories? Style yourself [and your significant other] and head to the nearest park to snap a few memories that will last a lifetime. No fancy camera? So, WHAT! Thanks to modern day technology and filters, you can take a few pictures on your Smart phone and play with different apps to get a quality photo.
2.Groupon Date- Money low? No problem! Groupon always has amazing deals on the latest happenings! Whether it be a restaurant tour or a cheaper ticket to the movies, Groupon wont fail you.
3.Take a class- NO not like a math class, but a cooking class, dance class, or any special interest class! Why not learn a new skill and enjoy great company at the same time!
4.Watch the sunrise or sunset- On our 2nd month anniversary, my boyfriend took me to see the sun rise at the beach. Although I had to be up SUPER early (totally not a morning person) it was one of the most romantic experiences ever! Following that we went to breakfast and painting. By 12noon we were done with our 2nd month anniversary.
5.Painting in the park- Are you interested in one of those BYOB painting experiences but can’t afford it? Create your own. All you need is 2 canvas boards, paint, and a theme. Paint your version of the theme while enjoying his/her company and snacks!
6. Cook Off- Do you like to cook? Impersonate on those shows such as cooking wars. Lay out all the ingredients to make a perfect Italian meal and see who creates the tastiest dish!
7. Free Festivals- Most major cities have all types of free festivals! Google a list and attend them all if you want! Don’t forget to check out neighboring cities as well!
8.Visit another city- Feeling spontaneous? Take a 2-3 hour drive to experience another city. If you live in the Chicagoland area you could visit Starved Rock, Wisconsin Dells, Grand Rapids Michigan and so many others.
Don’t cheat yourself or your significant other by staying in the house this summer! Get out and enjoy the sun in a cost effective way!
If you have more FUN and COST effective date ideas, be sure to share them on Married and Young’s facebook page or comment below. I’d love add to my list.
P.s. Have you registered yet for the largest online marriage conference of 2015! It’s time to start thinking rightly about sex within marriage, and we believe strongly that married couples should be having the best sex!
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Marriage

Why An Image Statement Is More Powerful Than A Mission Statement In Marriage

In 1911, Arthur Brisbane was quoted in a newspaper saying, “Use a picture. It’s worth a thousand words.” The more popular saying has become, “A picture is worth a thousand words.”
 
You may have heard that it is a good idea to have a mission statement for your marriage.  I agree– it is a good idea to discuss the focus of your marriage.  Unfortunately, although well-intentioned, these mission statements get filed away in a drawer for no one to see or be inspired by.
 
This is why I believe, as Brisbane suggested, that a picture, or an image, would speak greater volumes than a string of words. I believe that creating an image statement is far more powerful and far more inspirational to a marriage than a written mission statement.
 
Let me ask you a few questions:
What is the mission statement of Disney?
What is the mission statement of Nike?
What is the mission statement of Apple?
 
Unless you Google the mission statement above, I doubt you know them. But, it’s not difficult to imagine a picture–one image–to associate with each of the companies listed above.
Disney—I would suggest that Image Statement is the Cinderella Castle with fireworks exploding above it, or maybe a child’s excitement as she walks towards a princess at the Magic Kingdom.
Nike—I see the image of an athlete dominating in their chosen sport.
Apple—I imagine a picture of an iphone/ipad connecting people to other people in the picture.
 
 
Whether you have been married 3 months or 30 years, I want to encourage you to sit down with your spouse and think of an image to describe your marriage or an image that represents how you want your marriage to be.
 
Here are 3 ways an image statement will bring clarity to your marriage.

  1. The image statement discussion will be fun and bonding.

Talking through your marriage dreams and goals, in terms of pictures, can be refreshing and fun!  Ask yourselves these kinds of questions:  If you had to encapsulate your marriage in one picture, what would you want it to be?  Would it be you and her walking in the woods holding hands?  Would it be sitting across the table drinking coffee?  Would it be you and your spouse on your knees praying for your children and other important needs?  Discuss why it is that these certain images come to mind.
 

  1. The image statement will reveal your priorities.

The image you select will help to express what both of you clearly value and desire.  This is important.  The image is designed to reflect how you want your marriage to be.  If you can see the goal–you can run towards it!
 

  1. The image will help you throw off things that are hindering your marriage.

If your image is a picture of the two of you dancing and gazing into each other’s eyes, but you haven’t gone on a date in a while, then you need to rearrange some things in your life.  If your image is of you serving dinner to your bride, or serving her in another way (i.e. breakfast in bed), then you need to put that into place.
 
Action Plan

  1. Plan a 1-2 hour slot to talk through your image statement.
  2. During that time, ask these questions:
    • What are the times in our marriage where you very connected with me?
    • What activities make us laugh, talk, and bring out the best in each other?
    • If you had to pick or design one image that exudes the kind marriage you want to have, what would that image be?
    • Do we already have a picture that reflects this? Do we need to have one designed?  Should we have some text put on it?
    • Should we hang this image in our house? Where in the house? Should we have more than one in our house?
    • When is the deadline for our image statement to be put on the wall?
    • What are we going to do to make sure we keep pushing ourselves to live that image statement?

 
 
Creating an Image Statement for your marriage will give you a clear vision of what you want your marriage to look like and will also provide a real goal to work towards. Consider printing or drawing it and hanging it in your house or making it the background on your phone.  Let this image statement become the picture that others paint when describing your marriage!
 
 Final Question:  Do you already have an image statement for your marriage?  What’s the first image that comes to mind to show the kind of marriage you want to have?
 
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Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage

Why My Husband and I Take Communion Every Day

A couple of months ago, I had been having numerous nightmares every week. Most of the nightmares had to do with my husband and I getting into terrible arguments, or struggling with other types of marital issues. It didn’t make sense to me because we communicate well, we love each other, and we were both remaining reasonably consistent in our walk with Christ.
This caused a lot of mental and emotional dissonance within me. After weeks of prayer, my nightmares still persisted. We recognized that the dreams were a spiritual attack, and that we needed help.
 
I called a close friend, whom is very mature in her walk with Christ. I told her what had been going on, and she gave me some wonderful tips on how to combat this spiritual attack. Most of them had to do with prayer and scripture reading. The most surprising suggestion that she gave me was to take communion every day with my husband.
 
Communion isn’t just some religious hoopla that earns our salvation. When we take communion, it must be done with a posture of repentance. Jesus’ sacrifice has set us free from sin, so it is important to reverence His gift by taking communion with a clean, repentant and thankful heart. Since Jesus is the ultimate authority in heaven and on earth, taking communion in remembrance of Him can only make us more powerful by association.
My friend reminded me that Jesus never told us how often we should take communion, so taking it every day could really help strengthen our marriage.
 
My husband and I began taking communion every day soon after. We bought some grape juice and pita chips (which was far more palatable than some communion bread I’ve tasted). We asked God for forgiveness of our sins and read or recited Ephesians 6:12-18.
Taking communion consistently with my husband truly magnified the beauty of the gospel! Not only did my nightmares disappear, but our joint reverence for Christ as head of our marriage deepened.
 
Communion isn’t a magical principle that fixes all of your spiritual trials. I can eat bread and drink grape juice on a daily basis and still be living in complete turmoil. The power of taking communion together daily as a couple does not exist in simply our action of doing so, but lies in the power of Jesus. When we humble ourselves in a posture of repentance to the giver of our new lives of freedom, we become a part of a power higher than ourselves.
Since beginning to take communion every day, my love for Christ has broadened and my bond with my husband has reached another incredibly intimate level.
 
Ready to take your own marriage to the next level? Try taking communion with your family once a month, once a week, or even every day.