It’s only April and that means that there are eight months ahead of us that are packed with promise! There’s still time to be creative and aggressive in my pursuit of Christ, and my role as a husband and father. On the downside, I still find myself looking back and cringing on some things that didn’t work for me as a husband. Some of 2014’s battles are still smoldering. There’s still time to cringe and wince in pain over what didn’t work out so well.
I’m not advocating living in the past, and yet, a crucial element of our faith depends upon gaining understanding from our missteps and pitfalls as we press ahead in Christ. We count the cost. Jesus said in Luke 14:28, “For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it?”
I may not be building a tower, but my marriage is a monument to God and His love towards His Bride, so it merits careful and continuous reflection.
On that note, here are three things that backfired for me as a husband in 2014:
- I became way too busy. I said “yes” when I should have said “no.” I charged ahead on projects that I should have waited on. I got distracted by people, events, and circumstances. Here’s a freebie, husbands: if your wife says “I miss you” multiple times in one week, and you are coming home to her every day, then chances are that you’re still not there, not really “present”.
- I allowed other things to define me. I know who I am in Christ! Deep down inside, I walk with my head held high and my eyes on the prize….except when I don’t. When I let my job, circumstances, or bad days tell me who I am, then I begin to base who I believe myself to be off of circumstances. It’s okay to have a bad day, husbands, but if we really claim that “we have this hope as an anchor for the soul,” (Hebrews 6:19) then, even if we get bruises, we have to rise up and believe in who our Daddy is and who He says we are.
- I didn’t cover my wife as her spiritual covering as much as I needed to. The concept of husbands covering their wives is in the Bible. Ephesians 5:25-26 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.” This covering isn’t smothering. It’s protecting.I cringe as I think about things that my wife told me that really called for me to drop what I was doing and fight for her. (I want to slap myself upside the head when I think back on how impatient I was with my wife when she and the kids all had the flu. I was the lone survivor. This was prime time for me to rise to the occasion and serve my family without complaining, and instead demonstrate patience and compassion through support and servant hood!)
This list may have given the impression that I am beating myself up, but I’m not, I’m taking inventory. As a husband, I’m required to also be a steward. I’m taking care of a daughter of the King of Kings! And yes, although He’s extremely patient, it’s still my job to do well. He commissioned her to respect me, in spite of myself, and has commissioned me to love and honor her, in spite of my shortcomings.
Question: Husbands, what areas didn’t work out for you in 2014?
Challenge: Ask the Lord to show you what your wife needs from you this year. Champion her cause and be the man of her dreams and God’s choice for your marriage!
All Scriptures taken from New American Standard Bible