Tag: vision

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage

Relationship Goals= Compatible Callings

Happy to be together. Handsome young man piggybacking beautiful woman and smiling while standing against grey background

Are we compatible?

Western Christian culture may or may not have adapted a “caste system,” in regards to what we know and identify as our calling. Some believe that their future spouse needs to perfectly align with their calling.
We see it all the time: Pastors should marry beautiful wives who can sing, pray, or teach children, right? Oh, and a guitar-playing, worship-leading guy needs to marry a piano-savvy woman.
Someone I know feels called to a particular field of world missions and insists that their future spouse have the same exact call to the same exact group of people. Is it wrong to desire someone like-minded and like-hearted? Of course not! But we probably don’t need to be so stringent about whom we allow into our inner circle of compatibility.

Two hearts, One Vision

In 2 Corinthians 6:14, Paul addresses the issue with regards to believers being “yoked” (bound, committed to) with unbelievers. But what about marriage between believers? Should people marry someone with the same vocational interests, or does this great mystery of calling go beyond the income source?
Do musicians have to marry musicians? No! But a person called to live in and minister in Ghana may encounter some friction if the person they are engaged to feels called to be a full-time library clerk in their northwestern Boston commonwealth.

Godly Vision

It is absolutely possible for a youth pastor and high school teacher to find love in one another. The crux of the issue is vision.
These five guidelines may help couples be compatible, blend their unique callings, and use them together for the Kingdom:

  1. Love for one another’s purpose. My wife has always been supportive of what I believe the Lord has created me to be. God’s call on an individual’s life far surpasses a job title. It has everything to do with who a person is called to be. I love my wife’s unique set of gifts, and she loves mine. We honor what God has chosen to deposit in one another.
  2. Ability to fit two distinct purposes into one marriage. There is a very Kingdom reason that the Lord brought you and your spouse together. My wife’s gift of music and leading others into God’s presence flows well with my gift of discipleship and mentoring. A couple does not need the same job description in order to flow in divine gifts together to benefit the Kingdom.
  3. No resentment when one succeeds. Some friends of ours are both musically gifted. The husband enthusiastically supported his wife as she pursued country music. Quietly in the background, the husband began writing songs to the Lord. Soon, the worldwide Church began to sing his songs. This loving wife celebrated her husband’s anointing without glaring disparagingly at her husband’s discovered anointing. Competition for prominence between spouses is unhealthy. Celebrate when your spouse gets promoted for his or her gifts.
  4. No “surprise callings.” Don’t wait until the honeymoon to tell your spouse, “Oh, by the way, hon, I believe the Lord wants me to travel to Mars in the first manned mission.” My wife and I joked about how wild our life together in ministry would be, and we have enjoyed the journey ever since!
  5. Able to move as one. It is also crucial to be able to flow, as one, in your life together. You don’t have to have the same career but know your gifts, where you’re going, and how to blend your unique gifts to accomplish the purpose for which the Lord has brought you together!

How do you and your spouse’s unique gifts complement one another?
 

Categories
Marriage Parenting

3 Signs of a Godly Family Culture

When I was ten years old, my parents dropped me off to stay with another family for the weekend. The mother told my mom about all of the amazing activities we would do and all the great experiences they had in store for me over the weekend. I couldn’t help but get excited, myself! Dirt bikes, video games, movies on their big screen TV, flying model airplanes—it was a kid’s dreamworld!
When I entered the threshold of this uncharted territory, hearing the dull roar of my mom’s old Mazda driving away, I hesitantly followed the mother into the living room to see the family. The son was a friend from school, about my age. They had a teenage daughter who was years older than me, and the mother’s drop in, drop out boyfriend.
Hours into being immersed in this strange, new, setting, I was in tears, sneaking away into the kitchen pantry to call my mom from the family’s portable home phone to get me out of there! What was different about this family? Umm, everything. From the teenage girl’s angry, grungy music vibrating the walls, to my friend’s threatening, rebellious screaming matches with his mother, to the harsh, controlling, thunderous reprimands of the mother’s boyfriend, I was experiencing something entirely different from what I was accustomed to: another family culture.
Growing up, we weren’t a perfect family, but we cultivated a sweet culture of laughter, joy, encouragement, and intentional memories. I implore you: please work carefully to establish a Godly family culture!
Vision
What are your goals as a family? As a couple, you are the cultivators of a garden, the commanders of an army, the navigators of a fleet. A family establishes a rich culture by what they value. What you value, you reproduce.
 Where are you going as a family? Are you a “straight A’s or bust” family? Are you the “fitness family,” the “fashion family,” or the “fiendish family”? All humor aside, ask God to give you vision to establish the culture of your family.
Intentionality
A family culture is by default. You are already establishing the culture of your family, whether you know it or not. We laugh at the misadventures of Forrest Gump, who cluelessly meanders through life, rubbing elbows with JFK, John Lennon, and more, even building a multi-million dollar empire in the shrimping business! But it is important to be intentional as you establish the culture of your family.
My wife is always talking to me about doing fun things with the kids to make memories. I love this about her. She is thinking generationally. Be pro-active in your play times with your kids; always be thinking about how every interaction is a catalyst for the men and women they will become.
Family devotional times are how we establish Christ’s lordship in our family. Some of the best memories I will always cherish are sitting in a circle on the floor, worshipping God as a family, and answering our kids’ heartfelt questions about the nature and character of God.
Atmosphere
My intro mentioned my experience with a chaotic family culture. My wife and I yearn to be a joyful family. When things break, when money is tight, when stress abounds, our hearts cry out to God to model joy for our kids.
We want our children, and everyone who encounters our family, to see us a safe place.
If the culture of your family is chaotic and toxic, it’s not too late to invite the Holy Spirit to intervene with His peace and comfort.
How do you see your family culture? Is there faith or fear, peace or disarray?
 

Categories
Marriage

Why An Image Statement Is More Powerful Than A Mission Statement In Marriage

In 1911, Arthur Brisbane was quoted in a newspaper saying, “Use a picture. It’s worth a thousand words.” The more popular saying has become, “A picture is worth a thousand words.”
 
You may have heard that it is a good idea to have a mission statement for your marriage.  I agree– it is a good idea to discuss the focus of your marriage.  Unfortunately, although well-intentioned, these mission statements get filed away in a drawer for no one to see or be inspired by.
 
This is why I believe, as Brisbane suggested, that a picture, or an image, would speak greater volumes than a string of words. I believe that creating an image statement is far more powerful and far more inspirational to a marriage than a written mission statement.
 
Let me ask you a few questions:
What is the mission statement of Disney?
What is the mission statement of Nike?
What is the mission statement of Apple?
 
Unless you Google the mission statement above, I doubt you know them. But, it’s not difficult to imagine a picture–one image–to associate with each of the companies listed above.
Disney—I would suggest that Image Statement is the Cinderella Castle with fireworks exploding above it, or maybe a child’s excitement as she walks towards a princess at the Magic Kingdom.
Nike—I see the image of an athlete dominating in their chosen sport.
Apple—I imagine a picture of an iphone/ipad connecting people to other people in the picture.
 
 
Whether you have been married 3 months or 30 years, I want to encourage you to sit down with your spouse and think of an image to describe your marriage or an image that represents how you want your marriage to be.
 
Here are 3 ways an image statement will bring clarity to your marriage.

  1. The image statement discussion will be fun and bonding.

Talking through your marriage dreams and goals, in terms of pictures, can be refreshing and fun!  Ask yourselves these kinds of questions:  If you had to encapsulate your marriage in one picture, what would you want it to be?  Would it be you and her walking in the woods holding hands?  Would it be sitting across the table drinking coffee?  Would it be you and your spouse on your knees praying for your children and other important needs?  Discuss why it is that these certain images come to mind.
 

  1. The image statement will reveal your priorities.

The image you select will help to express what both of you clearly value and desire.  This is important.  The image is designed to reflect how you want your marriage to be.  If you can see the goal–you can run towards it!
 

  1. The image will help you throw off things that are hindering your marriage.

If your image is a picture of the two of you dancing and gazing into each other’s eyes, but you haven’t gone on a date in a while, then you need to rearrange some things in your life.  If your image is of you serving dinner to your bride, or serving her in another way (i.e. breakfast in bed), then you need to put that into place.
 
Action Plan

  1. Plan a 1-2 hour slot to talk through your image statement.
  2. During that time, ask these questions:
    • What are the times in our marriage where you very connected with me?
    • What activities make us laugh, talk, and bring out the best in each other?
    • If you had to pick or design one image that exudes the kind marriage you want to have, what would that image be?
    • Do we already have a picture that reflects this? Do we need to have one designed?  Should we have some text put on it?
    • Should we hang this image in our house? Where in the house? Should we have more than one in our house?
    • When is the deadline for our image statement to be put on the wall?
    • What are we going to do to make sure we keep pushing ourselves to live that image statement?

 
 
Creating an Image Statement for your marriage will give you a clear vision of what you want your marriage to look like and will also provide a real goal to work towards. Consider printing or drawing it and hanging it in your house or making it the background on your phone.  Let this image statement become the picture that others paint when describing your marriage!
 
 Final Question:  Do you already have an image statement for your marriage?  What’s the first image that comes to mind to show the kind of marriage you want to have?
 
11045551_10206455606852494_2104209930_o