Category: Engaged

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage

Married with Single Friends…Recipe for Disaster or No?

When I was in grad school, I had a classmate who was in a serious relationship. She shared with me and some cohorts from class that her and her beau got into a bit of a “tiff” about friends. I stayed out of it because as a married man I prefer not to give relationship advice to single women, especially when my wife is not present.
Now  let me be clear, it is not that I didn’t care about what was being said, but more than anything, I didn’t want her or anyone else to get any ideas about my motives— whether interpreted as a hint of impropriety, or suggestive flirting, —that was not my intention, so I just listened…
As I continued to listen, she explained that she was uncomfortable with his friends. Quite obviously, some of the fellas in the room were defensively firing out the usual retorts like, “you’re trying to control him” or the ever common, “you’re trying to change him.” Her reply to this banter was that those accusations were absolutely not the case and completely untrue.
She explained that she was uncomfortable with the interactions that her boyfriend and his friends were having because she and her boyfriend were talking about marriage and his friends were single.  This back and forth went on for about 30 minutes or so, but it stayed with me long after.
This same conversation recently resurfaced at work with some co-workers. While I was listening to the conversation, the Holy Spirit gave me revelation:  The underlying issue is not whether a married person can have single friends, but whether their single friends are mature enough to respect, honor, and cherish their married friends’ relationship.
As a spouse we must protect our relationship – we must protect the integrity of the covenant that we’ve entered into taking special care to consider how our relationships with persons outside of our marriage affect the sanctity of the union of those within it.
Friends are great and often a critical part of our development as people; but the development of people, once married, should morph into merging two persons into one!
So as it relates to friends, you must think about: who they are, what they are about, and how do they fit into your new life? At the point that your single friends (or married for that matter) impede that development, that friend has become an enemy – an enemy to your marriage, an enemy to your purpose, an enemy to the ministry that God has given you.
Additionally, and more importantly, YOU ALSO have to respect your marriage by realizing that things have changed.  So, no, you cannot do everything you used to when you were single because you are not your own anymore and your decisions directly affect another person.
Remember, scripture talks about leaving your father/mother and joining your wife to be united as one…(Gen2:24/Eph5:31) Parenthetically, this can also apply to your friendships as well.
So I leave you with this: Single friends are not the problem, but single minded friends are. Anyone with an agenda to please themselves and not consider the new and amazing life that you now lead is not being led by the Lord and can be a poison that infects your marriage…potentially leading to the demise of the marital relationship.
Now as a final question I ask, “Are your single friends a recipe for disaster or no?”

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home

5 Irresistible Qualities of a Woman of God

Before I got married, I would take time to pray over my future wife, and there were specific things that I prayed.   It is during that time I learned the most important qualities that I desired in my wife. Every man of God has certain qualities they find irresistible in a woman of God.  Whether you are a unmarried man in need of discovering what you should look for in a wife, or a unmarried woman curious to know what qualities a man of God is searching for then this is for you!
 1. A Woman of God who values honor.
A woman who fearlessly honors others, values herself. To honor someone means to esteem them or show high respect.  A woman who demonstrates this reveals her heart for people.   Honoring up, down, and around is the rule to follow.
Honoring up means respecting those who are in authority over you, being able to accept their role and submit to their leadership.  Honoring those below you includes those that look up to you, or work underneath you.  Honoring those around you is respecting your friends, family, and colleagues.  You know a woman who honors by the words she speaks to those closest to her.  Finding the gold in someone is easy because they only desire to build that person up rather than tear them down. A woman who values honor adds value to everyone around her, which makes for an irresistible woman.
 
2. A woman of God who is interdependent.
 A woman who is interdependent is not solely dependent on others, nor is she solely dependent on herself, but understands she needs others to thrive in life.   When we come out of the womb, we are fully dependent on our parents, and the goal is learn how to do life on our own while being mutually dependent upon others.
This quality is best seen in those that aren’t to prideful to ask for help or support, and are able to do the same for others.   Every husband feels esteemed when their wives depend on them, but they treasure a woman they can depend on as well.
 
3. A woman of God who has identity.
A woman who knows who she is, and her identity is in Christ will not be found falling into the traps set by the Enemy. When a woman’s identity is in Christ there are a myriad of things that will follow such as: confidence, consistency, resilience, humility, ability to change, and loving unconditionally. 
When talking with my other male friends who are married and some still unmarried, they each said this was one of the most important qualities that drew them to their wives. This quality keeps you from competing, being jealous, or intimidated by others.
 
4. A woman of God who is a lover of God.
A woman who is a lover of God has not only found God, but has been found by God.  She knows His heart, and He knows hers.  This level of relationship requires grace, discipline, and sacrifice.  When the bible says in John 14:23, “Anyone who loves me will obey my commands”, He is talking about lovers of God. A woman who loves God, bears the fruit of it by obeying Him.
This quality is one that draws and keeps a genuine man of God. This was the quality I prayed for in my wife more than any other.  I knew if she was a lover of God then everything else would fall in line.
 
5. A woman of God who is holistically beautiful.
The term, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, is very true because everyone sees beauty differently.  1 Peter 3:3-5 eloquently states, “Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.  You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”
As I am writing this my wife is sitting next to me, with no make up on, in regular clothes, while wearing a baseball cap.  She is still the most beautiful thing my eyes have seen because it is her inward beauty that fills the cup, and her outward beauty causes the cup to overflow.  I am not advocating to neglect your outward appearance for it is in a woman’s outward beauty that she is able to embrace and reflect herself as God’s creation.

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home

Ask Dr. Faith | The Maker and Breaker of a Relationship

The number one thing that destroys relationships is unmet expectations, many couples begin dating and even get married assuming their spouse knows what they need and how to fulfill those needs. As I always tell couples, “the other person is not a mind reader” you will get out of your relationship what you put into it.
It is very important at the beginning of the relationship to express your expectations and for your partner to as well, if you feel that your partner’s expectations are too much, you can then decide if this is a relationship you want to invest your time in.
Below are some expectations that need to be discussed early on in the relationship so that you guys are on the same page.
 1. How often you will communicate
Some individuals enjoy talking all day, every day while others need a couple days rest and then connect again. Often times this is based on personality as well as schedule, in the early phases of relationship the euphoria makes one feel invincible, but after a month or so, most people realize they still have a life to live and cannot be up day and night talking on the phone. Set clear expectations about how often you would like to communicate and when.
 
2. How often you will see each other and where
Just as in phone communication One person may need more quality time than another, this is something that needs to be revisited as seasons change as well.
Never assume you know your partner 100 percent, their needs change as seasons change. Discuss how often you will see each other and even where.
 
3. Relationship with family and friends
When people come from different backgrounds they may have a difficult time understanding each other’s expectations around family and friends.
Discuss how you expect the other to relate to your family and friends and vice a verse. Be willing to learn the other person’s culture and background. Do not be afraid to share what you do not understand or concerns you may have.
4. Expectations about the dating/courtship process
This is so important, after you have decided to pursue each other in courtship for the purpose of marriage. That initial conversion needs to include how long the courtship will be, the steps you will take to get to marriage and each person’s role.
Once again seek council from people who have walked this road before as well as mentors. Don’t just assume that the steps you guys have decided on well work for both of you. Work hard to be in agreement about the process and the steps that need to take place.
Clear expectations clear up confusion, and allow each person to feel safe in the relationship because they now the other person has their best interest in mind.

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage

3 Things I've Learned Since Being Married

I have been married for almost 5 months now. In this short time frame, I have learned a lot about my husband, my marriage, and myself. I want to share the top three things I’ve learned and am still learning everyday since being married with hopes of it helping you in your marriage or future marriage as well.
1. Communication. Communication. Communication.
This is very cliché but a very important aspect of marriage that we can’t ignore. We MUST communicate. First, I’ve learned to communicate about everything, even the things I may find trivial. From how our day was to our deepest fears and desires, we should communicate it with our spouse.
Secondly, I have learned we definitely have to communicate about our emotions and feelings. We can’t expect our spouse to know how we feel unless we express it to him/her. I mean your husband isn’t a mind reader. When something is wrong, say so.
Don’t make him guess and assume. The issue will never be resolved if it isn’t brought to the table. Most importantly, I have learned we must communicate respectfully and with love especially during times of conflict and disagreement
2. Comparison Kills.
It is so easy to compare our marriage with another couple’s marriage, especially due to social media. We see snippets of the good in another marriage, and we begin to think that they have the perfect marriage and perfect life together.
We think that they have a great marriage, and it very well might be, but we only see the good. Most people won’t air their dirty laundry on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. We don’t know the struggles that they are facing behind closed doors.
We just see that her husband surprised her with a dozen roses or a weekend getaway, and then we begin to wish our husband was more like him. I’ve learned comparing your marriage to someone else’s will rob you from experiencing the beauty in your own.
3. Choose your battles. Forgive Often & Quickly.
I’ve learned everything doesn’t need to end in an argument. You shouldn’t be mad everyday because you haven’t gotten over something he did a week ago. God gives us grace and mercy daily. We should extend that same grace and mercy to our spouse, whether we feel he deserves it or not. Holding on to that grudge will hurt you more than it will hurt your spouse.
Not forgiving your spouse leads to resentment, anger, and bitterness. Love is a choice. Forgiveness is a choice. Choose love. Choose to forgive. Let go. Give it to God. He can fix the situation better than we can. And remember praying will bring about the change you want to see faster than nagging ever can.
 

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home

Isolation: The Devil's Trap for Men

As we look at this generation, it is simply AMAZING to see all the connectivity that is happening every single day! You can literally be connected to people all across the world each and every day, thanks to the great invention of social media.
Before I move forward, please understand I am NOT bashing social media. I thoroughly enjoy the benefits of social media more than most because it allows me to share my story with the world. It lets the world see what God is doing in my life every day.
However, some time back, I had to embrace a harsh reality in my own life. Please allow me to be completely transparent, as I believe this will bring hope and healing to many men reading this article. The reality for me was this simple, but disturbing fact: I did not know how to genuinely “be” in real relationships with people.
I mean, think about it. Some would see me and see (through social media) that I am somewhat well known in certain parts of the country. With that being said, I realized that a lot of people knew of me or knew about me but nobody really KNEW me.
This may sound somewhat generic to you, seeing as how most of our social media followers do not really KNOW us either. For me however, it was a little deeper than that. The people that are supposed to be closest to me knew me to an extent, but I couldn’t honestly say that they really KNEW me. The type of relationship I am referring to is the Jonathan and David relationship. This particular relationship is the type that exposes itself to each other.
The Bible explains that when these two made a covenant/commitment to each other, Jonathan began to take off all of his clothes and give them to David because he “loved him like he loved himself.” Jonathan exposed himself to David as he became vulnerable after the covenant. As a  man, do you have anyone that you are in covenant with and can expose yourself to?
Singleness is a time of preparation for when God does actually bring a helpmate into your life. So right now, during your singleness, do you allow anybody to really KNOW you? Are you waiting on God to bring that woman into your life so that she can be the one to KNOW you? Being vulnerable and exposed is a discipline and a practice.
If you do not have that in your life now, what makes you think you will have it when you are in a committed relationship? In fact, I would caution any woman getting in a relationship with a man to examine his relationships with leadership and with other men. Does anybody really KNOW him? Men, women should not be the only ones that really KNOW us.
My encouragement for men in this article is that you would come out of that cave and allow other people in your life to KNOW you. Not the social media you, but the real you with flaws and mistakes. Endure this process now before you enter a relationship with a woman.
Does anybody have the right or position to speak into your life, discipline you, or correct you? My prayer is that when your season comes, and God sends a woman to be in covenant with you, that you will be able to be intimate and vulnerable with them because you have already experienced real intimacy with leaders and brothers before that moment. Expose yourself today and allow somebody to really KNOW you.

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Dating/Courting Engaged Finances Home Marriage Parenting

Ask Dr. Faith: 7 Keys to Balancing Marriage, Motherhood, Ministry, and Marketplace

In the last 2 years of my life, which have included marriage, motherhood, ministry, and marketplace, I have learned that balance is not achievable, but there is a way to do all four. I have been in ministry for 15 years, married for two years, a mother for one year, and a business owner for 9 months. Is it difficult yes, but I believe it is doable. Today, I will share the 7 most important things I have learned about each of these areas and how I balance them. Most people ask me “how do you do it,” and my answer is chaotically but gracefully. A lot of people have ideas about what a life full of marriage, ministry, motherhood, and business looks like.  But the truth is, you really don’t know until you get there. When I was pregnant I took 5 months off and that was incredibly hard for this busy beaver, but it was really important to recognize the necessity in doing so. That leads me to my first point:
 

  1. I have learned that every season and every role is important and sacred. I do not rush through taking care of or being with my son to get to the next task even though I want to sometimes. When I do, I just get frustrated and I rob myself of precious time that could be spent with him. So with that lesson learned I began to work around his naps and when he goes to bed. There are many times I still get frustrated trying to answer emails while he is pulling on my dress or asking to play, but nowadays I catch myself and let whatever I am doing go and give him my attention. I have learned that sometimes I can only do one thing at a time and that is fine.  I have learned not to feel guilty for putting my work aside and playing with my baby. I know as I honor my role as a mother, God will honor me as a work at home mom. Raising my baby is just as important as making the money to contribute to my family.  It helps that my husband is in graduate school and has several classes at night, which allows me to work and then focus on him when he returns. That leads me to point two.
  2. Manage your time wisely. When you are in multiple roles time can be your best of friend and the worst of friend. Learn to categorize things in your head and write down a block schedule. Whatever you do, try to have a clear map of how you are going to steward your day. Yes there are always surprises, but try to get back on track as soon as you can. I intentionally work hard to create time for my service to God, my husband, my son, and my career. Create spaces in your schedule and designate chunks of time for each task. Put first things first: Jesus, husband, children, and ministry/work. Sometimes you may feel like you are drowning in water and what you are giving is not enough, but if you do it out of a heart of love, it is enough. Give yourself Grace.
  3. Everything is not always going to be perfect and that’s okay. Life as a wife and working mother is nothing like the magazines. My house sometimes is not as clean as I would like, my prayer time not as long, my productivity not as much, but I give my best to all I have been given to steward. Do your best and get help. Find a friend who loves to clean, someone who can occasionally watch your baby so you can work, or someone who could plan meals. Plan systems and creative ways to keep your home and life running smoothly. However, the sooner you realize there will be a lot of times where things won’t run smoothly, and the sooner you become okay with that, the happier (more peaceful, settled, content)  you and those around you will be. Do not fall under the trap of perfection―do what works for your family. I pray you have a supportive husband, split chores, share in responsibilities and you will be just fine. When you fall short, repent and keep moving. Remember there is always tomorrow.
  4. Learn to understand the season you are in. I have been very eager to finish writing the books that have been hanging in the balance for awhile now, however book writing requires prolonged moments of quietness which are currently nonexistent in my life. I was so frustrated, until I realized this was not a season for books but for blogs. Using blogs I could still get out what I had to share with the world just in a shorter form. It does not mean I will not write again, it just means it is not a season for novels. Understanding the season I am in helped me release the pressure I was putting on myself. When I was single, or even before the baby, I could “go, go, go,” but seasons have changed and some things will just need to wait.  Be realistic with the goals for all areas of your life. What you can do―do it now. What you can’t do now― you can do it later.
  5. Family first. Since I am on the road quite a bit I decided that I would take my family with me as much as possible. Ministry is family. I do not believe that your calling or assignment ends just because you become a wife or mother. Instead, your calling enlarges and you are given a different sphere of influence. As a woman preacher, my heart is to include my husband and children in the work of the Lord, so much, that it all merges together. Serving Jesus and being a family should just be as normal as breathing. Care first for your husband’s emotional, spiritual, and physical needs, then your children, and then everyone else. This sort of prioritizing will be a model for others to see and follow in a ministry settings. Read the Word and pray with your husband, have family Bible reading times, dream together as a family, and always make God the center of everything. As you honor your commitments to your husband and children, I believe God honors your commitments to those you have been called to serve.
  6. Have Fun. As tiring and difficult as this season can be for some, it is also wonderful and beautiful. Life is all about perspective. The way we see the world effects what we will receive from it. Look at the not so funny moments of life, and remember you will laugh about them later. Take it easy on your spouse and children. Find time to go on vacations, have family fun nights, and laugh, laugh, laugh. Jesus came so you could have this kind of abundant life. When you want to complain remember there are so many other women who wish they had a husband, children, work, or ministry. Be GRATEFUL. Ungratefulness breads discontentment. Rejoice in who you are, what you have, and where you are going.
  7. Take care of yourself. This is an area I am working on constantly because my schedule just seems impossible. But now that it is warming up, I take a 20 minute walk with the baby in his stroller twice a day. It is good for him to get out, the mental break helps my creativity, and the walking serves as my exercise for the day. I am very protective of my time. I make sure I spend at least two hours a week watching a movie or favorite show. It is hard for me to put the iPad down, or the phone, but I remind myself that my productivity is based on my level of rest. I get my hair and feet done often, and I really push for those alone times even if it is only several hours a week!

I know I have so much more to learn, but one thing I know is that this is doable. There is no balance, but there is a way. Be all God has called you to be and live a fulfilled life. For a consult on how to balance your life better email me at info@askdoctorfaith.com.

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Engaged Marriage Physical Intimacy

4 Requirements from God for a Thriving Marriage

The first marriage ever recorded in the history of humankind is found in Genesis 2 with our parents, Adam and Eve. Since that marriage, hundreds of thousands of other men and women have followed in their footsteps.  Those that have invented things that have changed the course of history will never be forgotten. From Konrad Zuse, inventor of the computer, Alexander Bell, inventor of the telephone, to Madame C.J. Walker (inventor of hair lotion) who all have made a stamp on this world through their contribution.  But, no invention will ever be able to trump God’s invention of marriage.  Be encouraged by these requirements from the Inventor of marriage!
 
1. Work as a Team
 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4.11-12
God brought you and spouse together in order to work your purpose together.  It is very easy to forget during hard moments when you and your spouse are disagreeing that you are on the same team.  On any team the hardest challenge is learning how to work in sync with your teammates.  Professional teams spend years learning one another in order to perfect their teamwork ability.  You may differ greatly from your spouse, but its in the differences that you can learn to value what your spouse has.
 
2. Enjoy Your Spouse.
 
Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose – don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted! Proverbs 5:18-19 (MSG)
 God gives you full permission to enjoy your spouse to fullest.  In between the long hours at work, taking care of kids, and keeping everyone else happy around you; enjoying your spouse can easily be pushed to the bottom of the list.  Make it a priority to enjoy your spouse in some way each day whether that be through a great night of passionate sex, intimate pillow talk, or cuddling on the couch for a late night movie once the kids are in bed. They are a gift to you, and you deserve to enjoy them.
 
3. Husbands never stop loving. Wives never stop respecting.
 Wives submit to your husbands, as fitting to the Lord. Husbands love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Colossians 3:18-19 (NKJV)
 There is a great book written by Emmerson Eggerichs entitled, “Love and Respect”.  In this book he does an excellent job at breaking down this biblical principle.  Husbands desire respect more than anything from their wives, and wives desire love more than anything is respect.  When a husband feels respected by his wife then loving her is even easier, and when a wife feels loved by her husband, respecting him is even easier. Husbands you can love her over and above by paying attention to the details of her life and putting extra effort into meeting her needs. Wives you can show him more respect by trusting his leadership, listening well to the things that are heavy on his heart, and praying forth those things to God.
 
4. Be A Peacemaker.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3 (NKJV)
I released a quote on my Facebook page about how you have to “work” everyday at making your marriage better. Well, that sparked a little debate between some of my readers.  One person disagreed, stating, “your marriage shouldn’t be a chore that you have to work at it.”  I disagreed with him and used this verse to back up my reasoning.  It is clear here that God says we must make every effort to keep unity even when being angry or unforgiving is easier. Being a peacemaker in your home shouldn’t be left up to one spouse, but both should make every effort to keep the peace.  Yes, you will disagree and argue, but the purpose is to patiently come to a resolve with even more love for each other.

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home

Trust God To Write Your Love Story

Chapter 3-Lady of Faith
 
To recap from my last post (friend-ectomy-assessing-who-stays-and-who-goes)  in The Lady in Waiting series, Ruth’s and Orpah’s husbands died.  So Naomi and her daughters-in-law were without their husbands (their lover and provider) in Moab (a foreign land for Naomi). Naomi urged her daughters-in-law to go back to their parents homes in hopes of remarrying a Moabite.  Naomi decided to go back to her homeland in order to survive. Orpah took Naomi’s advice but Ruth did not want to leave Naomi. Ruth chose to trust God. She ran the risk of not getting remarried since she was a Moabite in Bethlehem.
But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. (New International Version, Ruth 1:16)
“She looked not with sensual sight but with eyes of faith. She chose to trust with her heart for the future her eyes could not yet see”  Jones,D and Kendall, J (1995). Lady in Waiting. Shippensburg,PA: Destiny Image Publishers, Inc.
 
We often turn off our faith eyes and choose to look with sensual sight when waiting for our spouses. The bible says “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (New International Version, Hebrews 11:1).
 
You may be saying, “I’m getting too old or I don’t see any prospects in this church/city.” I know when I was single, I thought I had to be in the most logical place to potentially be found. While in college, my church had a single’s group and believed that could be where I meet “the one”.
 
At this church, my pastor encouraged all the single women to let your future husband find you working for the Lord. He pretty much told us to stop thinking about it and focus on Jesus and he will find you. It took a while for my pastors’ advice to sink in, but it finally did. I needed to be like Ruth and not Orpah. Ruth wasn’t trying to be found when she was gleaning from the field of Boaz, and she didn’t do research about who the owner of the field was. She knew that her and Naomi needed to eat. She was found by Boaz while she was taking care of business.
 
God doesn’t need you to be somewhere or to do something to get “the one’s” attention. He will bring your mate to you. Rest in his faithfulness because He desires to give you the best. Have faith that God will give you the desires of your heart.
 
I started trusting God to write my love story. Little did I know, I had already met my husband five years earlier at a black student union meeting on campus.  I met him at a time that I was not even looking for him. Matter of fact, I was in an unhealthy relationship with someone else. After I listened to God and severed that unhealthy relationship and allowed Him to repair me internally, I was finally ready to be found. God could speak to my heart about me to prepare me for my husband.
 
I knew that Jesus loved me. I starting believing that I was valuable and worthy of the best. I knew that I did not want to settle any longer. I knew I wanted to be married for life, so I did not want “me” to get in the way. I wanted a God orchestrated love story. He gave me just that. I can honestly say that I have a fairytale love story. And the best is yet to come.
 
On behalf of Married and Young, I will be blessing someone with this book. In order to enter into the drawing you have to do two things: 

  1. Follow Married and Young on Facebook
  2. Commented on at least one of the 4 posts of the Lady in Waiting Series on Married and Young

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Engaged Marriage

5 Guaranteed Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Spouse

When reading the title of this blog, I am sure it is guaranteed to raise eyebrows. Well, allow me to explain. After being married for 8 years, I have learned a lot from doing marriage my way or the way I was taught by my parents or lack thereof.
Once we exchange rings and the fanfare is over, we become quickly acquainted with the ‘real’ person you married. Don’t get me wrong! I am quite sure many of you know a lot about your spouse prior to saying ‘I Do’.
However, I am pretty sure you find out a lot more once you are living together as a married couple. Maybe you didn’t know he was lazy or maybe you didn’t know she was terrible with money. Well,  I have developed a few techniques that will help you get the most out of your spouse.

  1. Assess his/her weaknesses – I am sure that after you left the honeymoon and moved in you are beginning to notice behaviors or weaknesses in your spouse. The areas that your spouse is weak in offer to assist in those areas.
  2. Pray for Development – Ask God to teach you to pray for your spouse. After all, God is her Father and he knows the way to her heart better than you. Trust his guidance as you pray for your spouse. You are her biggest intercessor. Pray that she grows in these areas of her life.
  3. Affirmation – Be sure to affirm the areas they are strong in.
  4. Handling their mistakes – Be patient when they makes mistakes. Use these as opportunities to demonstrate to your spouse that you want to help and that they don’t have to do it alone. Also, don’t forget to encourage them to try again.
  5. Develop a vision for your spouse – What do you want to see materialize in his/her life, career, spiritual life. Once you get a vision for your spouse, invest in it! Purchase books! Give them training ideas! Lend you ear to your spouse passions and seek out ways to fulfill them!

Finally, MOTIVATE, MOTIVATE, MOTIVATE!
There is much power in a praying, comforting, reassuring spouse. The end result is a spouse that has the courage to tackle every challenge. As she sees you going out of your way for her. She will go out of her way for you!

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home

Choosing the ONE or the WILL? Part 2 | Dr. Matthew Stevenson

I love you. Amazed surprised positive African American couple sitting in the cafe and being covered with a blanket while getting engaged
(This is part 2 of part 1 – to read part 1, click here!)
1. The WRONG debate for the Christian is whether or not a person is the ONE. The RIGHT debate, is whether or not the person is THE WILL!
For decades arguments have been made, about there only being ONE person on the planet for everyone. This is irrational for obvious reasons. However, every Christian knows, or should know, that God has an opinion about EVERY decision we make in life.
Psalms 139 establishes Godʼs perfect knowledge of man and opinion about His existence . God has an opinion about EVERYTHING we do in life. INCLUDING who we are romantically interested in. Itʼs ironic that we believe Godʼs opinion about our bodies with regard to sickness and disease ( the common belief is that He wants us healed) but we shun the thought, that God cares about who we choose to sleep with and make children with, both things that have to do with our bodies.
Typical theological inconsistencies common to the average Christian. When a Christian notices, there is an initial attraction or draw towards another person in a romantic tone, the next several weeks should be spent NOT just getting to know the person, but also getting to know Godʼs opinion about you joining in a covenant before Him with that person.
If marriage is to glorify God, the parties doing it should be concerned about that as well. Therefore, God has a WILL for who you should pursue, BUT it is ultimately your choice.
2. Christians, in their discovery and decision making about potential mates should NEVER consider unbelievers OR weak Christians as marriage potential!
Yes, you read right. Here is the thing, there are scriptural guidelines for believers who are married to non believers. God gives us frameworks for our decision making, but it DOESNT mean that itʼs His will for our lives, purpose and calling. The Bible is clear about Christians being unequally yoked. I think we should delve into what this means.
To be unequally yoked is obviously a matter of salvation, but has to ALSO be a matter of quality of Christian life. Christians who marry unbelievers are susceptible to to the same stresses, traumas, devastations and pointless cycles of pain when he marries an immature Christian.
We all know that a ʻprofession of faithʼ at an altar, is only the beginning of a person’s salvation process. Being fair, and balanced, I will say, if you are interested in a person who is not as mature spiritually as you are but you believe is the will of God, then the wisdom of God is to NOT marry until that person has demonstrated a commitment towards spiritual maturity.
Lets look in the scriptures;
1 Cor 7: 15
15. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
Why do you think this was Paul’s advice knowing that in marriage God HATES divorce? Acknowledging the right of every human being to make a DECISION to marry is present here, but clearly, Paul does not fight for endurance in a relationship that may take a turn for the worse! That says a lot Why? probably because it wasn’t beneficial to be married to such a one to begin with.
So, Marriage to an unbeliever or a weak christian is NOT sin! But it is NOT profitable for the Believer desiring to please and pursue God.
1 Cor 7: 39
In the context of rules regarding marriage amongst believers Paul says;
“39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; ONLY IN THE LORD”
Paul’s command was clearly that marriage be done ONLY in the Lord. If you think about it, what is Marriage or Dating without the Lord really WORTH? The answer for the spirit filled believer is….Not much. Some luck up, but not many.
Regarding a Weak Christian, being a suitable Mate, Well, the answer to that is in Paul’s use of the term YOKE.
2nd Corinthians 6:14; KJV
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
Paul establishes Marriage as a YOKE situation. We mainly get by with the unbeliever portion, but being true to text, we must look beyond the surface of this scripture. It is plainly impossible for believers to be equally yoked with unbelievers. Now, we must see if its possible to be unequally yoked with a believer; Well, lets let scripture interpret scripture.
The word YOKE is used by Paul in another text in Phillipians 4:3
“And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellow labourers, whose names are in the book of life”
In these scriptures the word YOKE, YOKE FELLOE and LABORER carry the same greek meanings. Let’s see;
Yoke; Greek ZYGOS-zygós – properly, a yoke; a wooden bar placed over the neck of a pair of animals so they can pull together; (figuratively) what unites (joins) two people to move (work) together as one. Or, unites two elements to work as one unit, like when two pans (weights) operate together on a balance-scale – or a pair of oxen pulling a single plough.]
The thought, YOKE is a WORK term. Paul is describing that we should be YOKED together with people who can WORK and PULL at the same strength level. So, to be unequally yoked, means to be have one partner with a tighter TIE than the other, OR one with a heavier WORK burden than the other. This is not referring to ministry, but SERVICE to the Lord.
Paul is communicating, that when Married, the work of the Lord or purpose of the Lord for a life should be priority. So the question is, can a WEAK Christian PULL at the same rate, speed and strength as a mature one? The answer…..You decide.
What’s the summary?
God has an opinion and preference for your romantic attraction.
He has designed a mate that will be pleasing to you.  He hasn’t designed something that you wont like.
Marriage is YOUR decision 100% but can be influenced by more sources than God. As a devout Christian, this should concern you.
The point; Do what you want in your dating life, BUT expect pain, when it doesn’t include God’s WILL or WAY.
God will HONOR your decision and commitment to the institution, but you and your children will have to LIVE with the consequences of choosing beneath your lane.
CHOOSE WISELY!!!!
Click here to read part 1!