Category: Engaged

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Engaged Marriage Physical Intimacy

A Caution Against Adultery: The Big No No

From the desk of The Modern Day Cindi: There are few things worse that could happen in a marriage than the ones I classify on my list of “No-No’s”.
And for this article, it is imperative to address both married and single persons on one of the BIGGEST NO-NO’s: INFIDELITY aka ADULTERY!  Oh yes, adultery!
Now, it would seem that with such a great number of people who desire marriage it would be taboo to engage in or even entertain adulterous behavior— but it happens. Furthermore, most agree, if not understand, that cheating is wrong and unacceptable, PERIOD!
Cheating on tests gets you kicked out of class, cheating on your taxes gets you fined and possibly jailed, so of course cheating in your marriage would be equally weighty and for good reason.
Infidelity pokes a hole in a fortress designed by God to promote his kingdom on earth. And although governmental systems look at marriage as an economic and social institution, God looks at it as a covenant bond between two people that is sacred to which favor and destiny are connected.
So, is it our desire to mock the covenant of marriage when so many have hoped for it, believing that in it was a promise that only God could fulfill? Or is it that we have not taken time to evaluate the subtle triggers that push so many toward infidelity; specifically, how adultery penetrates marriages through social interaction, learned behaviors, family dynamics, mistrust, etc.?
Now for the sake of clarity, I do understand that for one reason or another people decide that the journey of marriage for the two together should end. However, it is important to expose the ploys many encounter regarding adultery despite their best intentions.
Bottom line: There is no biblical basis given to support adultery. Some of the falsities that society has succumbed to as a pass to cheat include: Separation (legally or otherwise e.g. living apart); Agreement to see other people; Disconnected emotionally; Disinterested physically; or, an Un-finalized divorce.
In Proverbs 5:15-23, the word admonishes us to use wisdom and not fall victim to adulterous ways. Here are 3 key reminders to consider if faced with an issue of infidelity.
1.     The principle of sharing is applicable to objects, not people.
Therefore, the thought that you as a single or married person would find comfort with someone’s spouse is objectionable. The best advice we had in our adolescence that applies to us even today is “Keep Your Hands to Yourself!” The minute that you find out that the person you are seeing is still married, is the minute that you should exit!!!
2.     Secretly or openly, cheating on your spouse (while living together or separately), and/or an agreement to see others while still married was not a part of the original design for  covenant and by default, mocks the union of marriage.
3.     Cheating is not just the form of physical intimacy- it goes to the depths of even emotion.
So yes, let’s count that emotional infidelity is just as bad as physical infidelity.  Any interaction, by design, that separates man from his wife or vice versa, is not of God and does not represent His love
Remember the heart can be deceitful above all things and emotions useless if not guided by the Lord. So, if you have found yourself in such a situation, get out now, repent, seek spiritual counsel, move forward and don’t look back! Be blessed!
Scripture references

  • Ex. 20:14
  • Proverbs 5:15-23
  • 1 Corinthians 7:2
  • Leviticus 20:10
  • Romans 8:1
  • Hebrews 13:4

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage Physical Intimacy

4 Lies About Sex That Every Couple Must Not Believe

unable to sleep in bed because of snoring partner

Let’s be honest, one of the many reasons most people (especially those that have been abstinent) look forward to marriage is because they get to have sex “legally” as we say.
You no longer have to feel guilty about having certain feelings about your spouse, crossing boundaries you have set, and dealing with the waiting.
God created sex in marriage for a number of reasons including enjoyment, unity, procreation, and many health and emotional benefits. It is known to reduce stress, and couples who have sex often live longer.
But what if your expectations about sex become more of a burden than a blessing? Deal with these myths as soon as you can so you can enjoy the spouse God has for you.
Myth 1: Sex in Marriage is boring
Research states that when couples have good communication and are connected in interest and purpose, they enjoy a very deep and satisfying sex life. The longer you stay married the deeper the connection becomes.
There is safety in sex within the marriage bed which allows people to be more open and willing to be free with their spouse. Remember to honor each other’s bodies, and make sure not to introduce anything that would bring disrespect or dishonor to the other person, or pull you away from God.
Other than that enjoy each other! I believe God is happy when something he created for his children to enjoy in marriage is much appreciated. Love each other well.
Myth 2: You will have sex all the time:
When talking to many singles they often talk about how they can’t wait for marriage to have sex all the time.  The good news is that there are seasons you do have sex all the time.
Most couples report the first several months of marriage as heated and busy, but as they get into the routine of life it slows down. It doesn’t slow down to the point where you are not having sex, so do not worry. Most couples report having sex three to four times a week, and research states that is what most couples should shoot for.
If it’s more, then wonderful! Keep it up! If it is less look at your schedules and overall relationship and see how you can bump it up a bit.
Myth 3: Sex after children is non-existent:
Now we all know that this myth is not true because people often have children soon after their first child. However, the woman’s body does change; while some experience an increase in libido others feel a decrease.
midyearsale!-2
 
Couples just need to work on understanding each other’s needs physically which can be impacted from exhaustion and hormonal changes in both spouses.
Also, they must become more creative about where and when they have sex; they may need to utilize the baby’s naps and other areas in the house if the baby sleeps in their room. As mentioned before, if the over-all marriage is good, sex does not stop but is adjusted.
Myth 4: You need to know what to do right away:
The point of marriage is to become one with your spouse., Every day is about the process of becoming one and so is sex. When you spend time in intimacy with your spouse, you are unveiling a new piece about them.
Take time out to ask them about themselves—learn each other. Couples that have been married more than ten years report that they are still learning about their spouse. Remember you are an individual and so is your spouse, so as you mature and get older so will your desires.
You have plenty of time to learn your mate, you do not need to know everything on the wedding night.
Older married folks have said “sex is like wine, it gets better with time.” Make time for each other. Every season adjust, relearn each other, and allow God to get the glory out of your love for one another and your marriage.
Great sex doesn’t start in the bedroom, it starts outside of the bedroom with making it a priority.
We have the perfect opportunity for you to make your sex life a priority. We are having a FLASH SALE this weekend only on one of our TOP tools to help you have the best sex life now!
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Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage

Top Reason Why Young Marriages Fail

And they lived happily ever after…. We all know how the Disney fairytales go. Boy falls in love with girl. He does what it takes to win her. She falls madly in love with him, and then they live happily ever after.
From a young age, we are programmed to believe that once we fall in love and get married we will live happily ever after, and this could very well be true, but we go into marriage thinking our “happily ever after” will come that easy.
We don’t realize that marriage is more than a beautiful wedding and a gorgeous ring. We don’t realize that marriage takes WORK. We don’t realize that the happily ever after doesn’t just happen. We must create it.
A successful marriage is composed of two people making an effort to make their marriage work. I think many marriages fail because we go into marriage naïve and think that it will be easy and when the first sign of adversity happens we just let it go. Our culture has programmed us to just throw in the towel when something gets hard, and I believe this is why the divorce rate is so high.
On top of that, society tells us that the younger we are when we get married, the harder the marriage will be and the possibility of divorce is higher.

In my life I’ve found that being married and young isn’t the issue, being married and young-minded is.

A young-minded person goes into marriage with a selfish, “it’s all about me” mindset. A young-minded person runs from dealing with tough issues and gives up when things are hard or when things don’t go his/her way. There are adults 40+ years old who have a younger mindset than that of a 25 year old.
I don’t think age is the reason why divorces happen or the reason why a marriage would be easier or harder. Maturity, will, determination, and a mindset that truly believes in “’til death do us part” determines whether a marriage will be successful or not.
Divorce is easy. Marriage is hard. Being married takes two strong people who make a vow to each other that no matter how hard it gets they will be there right by each other’s side.
So when things get hard in your marriage challenge yourself to remember the vow you made to each other on your wedding day. You didn’t get married just to get divorced.
If you are single and want to be married one day, think about your mindset now. Are you selfish? Do you hold grudges? If so, challenge yourself to change. Trust me, it can be done. I was once a very selfish person, but with Christ, I was able to change. You can too!

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home

Ask Dr. Faith | 22 Ways to Know if You and Your Partner Are Equally Yoked

For Christians the main thing the Father requires when we are looking for a mate is that we are equally yoked. So what does it really mean to be equally yoked? Is it simply going to church, or having a love for God? I believe there are three areas that can prove if a couple is equally yoked or not. Here are 22 ways to tell if you and your partner are equally yoked:

  1. Your understanding, passion, and love of Jesus is similar.
  2. You both have a desire to grow and propel the other towards God.
  3. You both understand and agree that God should be first in each other’s lives.
  4. You both do not feel jealous about the other’s relationship with God (in fact you encourage it).
  5. You understand one another’s vision and the role that you play in the vision.
  6. You are committed to helping the other person become all God has called them to be.
  7. You both encourage and contend for righteous living in your decisions and choices.
  8. You have similar passions whether in ministry, career, or goals.
  9. You both have at least five similar core values about faith, family, finances, and your future.
  10. You both do not allow the other to settle, but use your strengths and gifts to push each other to become better.
  11.  You can name at least three qualities in the other that you want to emulate.
  12. You understand each other’s weakness and you help correct and cover them.
  13. If courting or married, you can both convey clearly the mission and vision of your marriage.
  14. You encourage the other in there disciplines with God even if they are different from yours.
  15. You pray together.
  16. You attend supplemental spiritual, career, or marriage seminars and conferences together.
  17. You have a similar understanding of family and child rearing.
  18. You have a clear understanding of what it will take to help each other’s dreams come true.
  19. You worship God at home or in public together.
  20. You study the word of God and challenge each other in it.
  21. Your idea of success is similar.
  22. You both have a clear understanding of your roles in marriage and you can see how you both fit together.

 
 

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Engaged Marriage

The Forgotten Link for a Godly Marriage

My wife and I have magnanimous goals we believe God has given us as a couple to accomplish.  After getting married we discussed our passions and goals in order to better understand why God brought us together, and to be able to push each other to achieve them.
 
Many couples marry without truly having the discussion of “Why did God bring us together?”.  Yes, to love one another, but also to love one another to action.  That action involves fulfilling the purpose of God for your life.  We knew if our goals were accomplishable on our own then they weren’t big enough.  We set goals that require God’s empowering in order to accomplish it. That empowering in the bible is called, “the anointing”. The anointing is God’s presence empowering you by way of the Holy Spirit.
 
Depending on your church background, the term, “anointing” can mean different things based upon how your church taught it.  Most attribute it to a preacher preaching, or a singer singing, but when it comes to our every day tasks we do not embrace the concept of being anointed for something.  Biblically the anointing was used to set a person apart for a specific reason or purpose.
 Jesus states in Luke 4:18 , “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, He has ANOINTED me to preach the gospel, heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and the blind will see, and the oppressed will be set free.”
We find in this passage of scripture Jesus was ANOINTED, which means empowered by the Spirit of God to do specific things.  God has called you and your spouse to dream big dreams, and to accomplish much for His glory.  It is with the empowerment of God’s anointing that you will do those things.  A godly marriage must have the anointing to see the plan of God fulfilled in their lives.
Here are 5 questions to help you discover why your marriage needs to have God’s anointing.

  1. What are the dreams you and your spouse have that require God to see it fulfilled?
  2. What do you and your spouse love to do for others?
  3. What is your strategy in your children’s life in regards to preparing them for their purpose?
  4. What are the top conflicts/issues affecting your marriage?
  5. What do you want to be known for when you leave this life?

 

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home

Do You Have Trust Issues?

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Engaged Marriage

4 Ways to Stop Bitterness Towards Your Spouse

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Engaged Marriage

3 Prayers to Pray Over Your Wife Today

Just as Jesus is praying at the right hand of the Father in intercession for us, we must take the same posture as husbands. We should be intercessors for our spouse.
Here are 3 prayer focuses that God has given me for my wife in this season, and you can use to pray over your wife today. I pray they bless you!
1. Identity 
Whether your wife is a new mom or a new spouse, she is probably struggling to identify with who she is. The enemy loves to toy with your spouse’s identity. He does this my making her feel insecure.
If she knows who she is in God, this will eradicate the insecurities and help her to feel more comfortable in her skin. Her life is hidden in Christ and pray she will have the tenacity to search it out.
2. Trust in God 
When your wife becomes your wife, she leaves the leadership of her father to your leadership and during the first years of marriage, you are taking leadership for a test spin! So, as you can see, trust can be quite fearful. Pray Proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord will all your heart and lean not to your own understanding.”
3. Courage 
Your wife needs courage in order to face her fears so that she can see the dreams that God has given her manifest. More than likely, her probably fearful on how she is going to accomplish it all. Pray that she has the courage of Joshua 1:9, which states, “Have I not commanded you to be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with You wherever you go.”
These points should help you get your intercession started. I will have more in the coming months.
Happy Interceding!!

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Engaged Marriage

I Wish My Wife Was Lazy

It kind of sucks having two ambitious people in one house.  Sometimes I work all day and come home and all I want to do is eat and chill with my wife, but sometimes she has to work on a project for a client right after dinner.  This means that I have to clean the house and take care of Josiah, our two-year-old son, all by myself.
I know, I know, suck it up.  I do, but some days it gets a little annoying.  Sometimes for a brief second I wish my wife was a little lazy.  Sometimes I wish all she wanted to do is hang with me and my son .  My wife takes care of my me, my son and the house and then stays up late working on her interior design business, pearsonrue.com or works on articles for Married and Young and her personal blog.
Why can’t she just sit down somewhere?  Why does she have to work so hard all the time?  Oh yeah, I did ask for a virtuous woman and a virtuous woman is far from lazy.
I’ve read Proverbs 31:10-31 many times, but it just finally dawned on me that what makes a woman virtuous is that she brings honor to God and her family.  If you read the scriptures you’ll find that she does this by working hard, providing for her family, giving generously and sharing wisdom.
This is an awesome revelation to me and it confirms how important it is for a man and a woman to be deeply rooted in God and ambitious about expressing the gifts that God has placed in them.
In the past I’ve shared what it is to be a virtuous man. (Click to Read)  Psalm 112 outlines what it is to be a virtuous man.  A virtuous man like a virtuous woman brings honor to God and his family by working hard, providing for his family, giving generously and sharing wisdom as well.
As you can see God likes symmetry.  God wants to unite two whole people in the creation of one whole person.  God multiplies, 1×1=1.  He doesn’t add, 1/2 + 1/2 = 1.  God doesn’t send someone to complete you, but to compliment you.
Marriage is the first institution or partnership if you will.  It was created by God in order to generate increase.  The joining of man and woman is designed to create a synergistic organization of great productivity.
Marriages aren’t to exist just so that you may spend the rest of your life with someone you are enamored with.  It’s also not created so that you may be saved from the guilt of fornication.  Marriage is very powerful.  Marriage is the greatest partnership known to man designed to create a legacy of world changing excellence.
So I guess that means that the reason Melissa and I are so ambitious is because we are married.  We both came into the marriage with God gifted abilities and those abilities have been amplified through our marriage.
We have brought together our individual relationships with God and have created a unity centered in God.  It does say in Deuteronomy 32:30 that one man will chase a thousand, but two will chase  ten thousand.  Again, God deals in multiplication.  With God as our center and with the love, support and encouragement of each other we will change the world.
The joining of a virtuous man and a virtuous woman creates so much energy, that productivity must ensue.   There is no turning back.  We must move forward.  Therefore I must amend the thesis of this article.  I praise God that my wife Melissa Nicole Pearson is not lazy.
Be blessed and enjoy your wonderful day.

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Engaged Marriage

Why Hopelessness in Your Marriage is NOT Your Portion!

Today I asked God why are marriages under an all-time attack. The scripture that came to my spirit was “Two are better than One.. (See below)

“It’s better to have a partner than go it alone.
Share the work, share the wealth.
And if one falls down, the other helps,
But if there’s no one to help, tough!

Two in a bed warm each other.
Alone, you shiver all night.

 By yourself you’re unprotected.
With a friend you can face the worst.
Can you round up a third?
A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped”. Ephesians 4:9-12

 
Married couples- the enemy is after what you can accomplish together!! He’s not concerned about you being in love. He doesn’t care about your well-being or your happiness. The thing that he wants is what your potential together can achieve. The enemy hates ACHEIVEMENT therefore he is the author of stagnation.  He doesn’t want your life together to bless anyone!! There is an acceleration that comes with doing marriage God’s way. Ephesians tell us that you can SHARE the work together, you can help your spouse when he/she falls (it happens) and you can face the WORST TOGETHER!! That’s sounds very promising to me! J Let the perks of your friendship with your spouse work for your good.
 
I urge you to FIGHT for your marriage. Fight to walk together!! Fight to agree with God together! Fight to become better!! Understand that learning how to walk together doesn’t come overnight hence we have to unlearn what we’ve known marriage to be.  It is a work in progress. It intel’s humbling ourselves under the hand of God. This means that you humble yourself in prayer and worship telling God that you don’t have all of the answers and to fill your heart with wisdom and strength. The bible says God “resist the proud but gives GRACE to the humble” (James 4:6). Grace is the ability to accomplish the things that you can’t do alone.  You must remember that you CANNOT accomplish much outside of God’s help/will. If you do, it will be short lived. God gives us eternal stamina, eternal love and eternal strength in our marriages.
 
If you are feeling hopeless in your marriage remember you are not alone, we’ve all experienced this temporary feeling before. Hopelessness is a fragmented view created by the emotions and is based upon what you see and feel. The bible says that LOVE hopes all things.  Hope is the fuel to endurance and it creates the RIGHT perspective about your spouse. My husband absolutely LOVES to know that I think and believe the Best about him even when the situation doesn’t appear promising. Hope works twofold. It’s working the right mentality in you and its helping your spouse understand and experience the love of God through your life.
 
 Don’t give up!!!!  Fight to become better and walk together in Christ and ENJOY the perks of having a companion in your life!
 
I am praying for you.
Best,
Kimberly Allen