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3 Keys For Wise Financial Management God's Way

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God is looking for husband and wife teams that are wise in kingdom financial management principles. It is important that couples understand the purpose of finances as stewards of God’s resources. Without management, there is no growth in God. God wants to see how well we manage our affairs, how we communicate, how we spend our time, what we do with our money, and how wisely or foolishly we use the resources at our disposal.
Wise management attracts God, while poor management stunts marital growth. God holds back progress until He has management. He allows no increase until He has a husband and wife who can manage the increase. No expansion is made until God has a marital team that is accountable for that expansion. If husbands and wives are faithful with a little, God will entrust them with more (Luke 16:10). To be effective and successful in marriage, husbands and wives must learn to be good managers for collective team movement by utilizing these three key principles:

  1. Communication. Husbands and wives do more than simply keep things running; they add value to everything they have responsibility over. As a result of this, resources will appreciate in value. All married couples should pray together, communicate as a team, set financial goals, and examine themselves periodically. This will help couples to determine if they are effective in handling God’s blessings, spending money wisely, or if they are moving in the direction that God would want them to go (Proverbs 24:3). There is no limit to what the Lord will do for couples financially who surrender themselves and their resources completely to His will and His way.
  1. Tithe. Tithing should be one major facet of a couple’s overall financial plan because it reminds couples that God is the Creator and true owner of everything that we have (Psalm 24:1). Tithing reminds couples to trust in God’s ability and promise to meet their needs daily, while not holding on to possessions too tightly because each spouse is designed to be a mere steward of marital possessions. When couples tithe, they gain contentment and the proper perspective of not allowing possessions and pursuit of prosperity to take precedence over a true, intimate relationship with the Lord. Tithing reminds couples that God is the source and giver of prosperity because He is the one that gives the marital team the ability to produce wealth (Deuteronomy 8:18).
  1. Budget wisely. Budgeting should be the other major facet of a couple’s financial regimen. Every household should operate on a budget or financial plan because it is the basic principle of resource management. A household budget should be no more complex than needed to manage the family’s resources effectively. The budget should consist of a clear plan for saving and spending money, along with managing debt and credit. Investing, leisure, and recreational activities should be factored into a sound budget as well. A working budget, coupled with tithing, represents good management and an honest effort at wise stewardship.

Couples that put God first in their finances will improve their lives and finances. Applying these three principles will help couples build strong kingdom financial management principles that yield financial health, freedom, peace, and joy in their marriages.
 
 

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Marriage

How Being Away From Your Spouse Can Help Your Marriage

long distance relationship, couple on platform at the train station, meeting or parting concept

 
When you said, “I Do” to your spouse on your wedding day you were making a commitment like none other. A commitment to love, cherish, and honor one another through the good, bad, and ugly as long as you both shall live. No matter how long or fast it took you to get to that altar all that mattered in that moment was your future together.
 
The first year of marriage is what many call the honeymoon phase. You may have even heard someone say, “honey, just wait until the honeymoon love phase wears off.” I know for me when I heard people say that to me I just brushed it off like it wouldn’t happen to us.
 
Well, it surely did.
 
The feeling of the “honeymoon” love definitely does wear off especially once kids come into the picture. But, that isn’t something to be shocked about because that’s just human nature. The same effect happens we get when we get a new car, a new house, or even a new job. The newness wears off and we have to then begin to put effort into keeping the “love” alive.
 
Everyone has different ways that they keep the romance alive in their marriage from daily text messages, weekly date nights, or even scheduling sex. But, there is another way to bring a shock back into your love life with your spouse.
 
And, that is by missing them.
 
The average time married couples are away from one another is 7-8 hours a day, which is when one or both couples are at work. They then come home to spend 4 hours together usually watching TV.
 
This gives NO TIME at all for you to miss one another.
 
When was the last time you received a text message from your spouse saying, “I miss you”.
 
My wife went on a girls away weekend leaving me with our 9 month old by my self for an entire 4 days. When she asked me if it was okay for her to go, my initial reaction was, “Where is Harvest (our little girl) going to go?” Lol.
 
I relented because I knew that not only did she need to get away, but it would also give us an opportunity to miss one another. While she was away it took me back to our dating days when we didn’t live with one another. We did the same things we use to do when we were dating. We texted late at night with a little extra flirt in them. We texted, “goodnight baby”. The last time we texted, “goodnight” was before we got married.
 
These little surges of romance reignited our love for another because it reminded us of the small reasons why we committed our life to one another.
 
I encourage you to let your spouse go away for a weekend with her/his friends. Don’t see them being gone as a bad thing, but as an opportunity to see your love reignited.
 
It’s amazing how a simple text saying, “I miss you” is something we all crave to hear in this life.
 
Let them go, so you can send that text and see your love come alive again.

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

7 Steps to Heal From a Broken Relationship

Black woman crying outdoors

Contrary to common belief, time does not heal all wounds but God does. If not dealt with, no matter how much time has passed, the loneliness, grief and pain felt after a failed relationship can be crippling.  The heart is the source of life, once broken, you may find yourself in repeated cycles of brokenness, carrying your past pains into your present relationship.
Prior to meeting, courting and marrying my now husband, there were several broken relationships I found myself in. After my last breakup, I did several things that allowed God to heal my heart almost immediately to the point where people were in disbelief and amazed. I didn’t experience the loneliness, bitterness, anger, low self-worth, resentment, and regret that some people do after a breakup. I didn’t find myself snooping on my ex’s social media accounts reminiscing or trying to see who was the new boo. I didn’t experience the severity of what many people deal with after a breakup. And you don’t have to either!
It’s imperative that you are intentional about becoming whole after a breakup. Healing from a break up requires spiritual and practical efforts. Here are the 7 steps to help you heal:

  1. Date Jesus. You’re single now. You now have more time to spend with the Lord. Seek him more in prayer and devotion. Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.”
  2. Remove any reminders. Remove everything that connect and reminds you of your ex. His or her phone number, social media accounts, gifts, pictures, letters, or anything else unique to your relationship. This may be hard but it is a necessary practical step.
  3. Break soul ties. Depending on the length and extent of your relationship, there’s a good chance a soul tie has been created. You’re going to have to sever that thing! If your souls are still knit together in anyway it’s going to make it difficult to move on. During your next date with Jesus, pray and ask Him to break your soul tie.
  4. Forgive Yourself. Thoughts of everything you did wrong leading to your break up may be flooding your mind. “Should’ves”, “could’ves”, “would’ves”… it’s time to move on. Free yourself by forgiving yourself. You’ll be unable to move on if you are carrying regret, shame and/or guilt.
  5. Forgive Your Ex. Here’s a big one. Decide to love and forgive your ex as God wants you to. No matter how severe the offense, God still requires you to forgive. By commanding you to forgive, God is looking out for you. Unforgiveness doesn’t hurt your offender, it really hurts you. Carrying around bitterness weighs you down, clouds your relationship with God, and blocks your ability to love others.
  6. Personal Growth. Now is a great time to focus on becoming a better you and prepare for the right one. Work on developing your gifts, finding your purpose, and pursuing your passions.
  7. Avoid Rebounding. The fastest way to re-puncture your broken heart is to get into a new relationship too soon.  Pray and ask God to reveal the one and avoid counterfeits. The devil is an opportunist, he would love for you to enter a new relationship that could be worse than the one you came out of.

My prayer is that your heart is restored and that you prepare yourself for that special one. Once I successfully applied the above steps in my life I found healing and true love. Breakups are now a thing of the past!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Categories
Marriage Parenting

Three Things I Want My Sons to Know About Marriage

A happy African American man, woman and two boys, father, mother and sons, family sitting together at home looking at photo album

I have two sons. Jonathan is three months old and Noah is three years old, but Noah echoes my words and mirrors my actions only minutes after he hears or sees them from me. Right now, where I go, he goes. My words and demeanor towards him have a profound impact on him. It’s scary, to be honest. Even now, he’s picking up my mannerisms. He’s catching onto what I value and care about, and even adapting them for himself. I love Batman, he loves Batman. I love music, he loves music. I speak too harshly to his mother—guess what—so does he.
So in the backwards world that my boys are growing up in, it is crucial—perhaps more crucial now than ever before—that I model godliness in life, work, and family. I have at least 18 years, God willing, to model these things well.
These are three things I want my sons to know about marriage,

  1. It’s not just a piece of paper. There’s a fallacy that circulates the airwaves that marriage is just a piece of paper. Subscribers of this fantasy and lopsided view of marriage will soon find their “paper marriage” in the waste basket. No, sons, marriage is “a cord of three strands”: God, husband, wife! (Ecclesiastes 4:12) Saying that marriage is a piece of paper bears the same logic as saying that insurance is a piece of paper, but I guarantee that you want what that piece of paper represents when the wind blows your roof away! What you regard as temporary will become temporary. 
  2. It is relevant. Marriage is not outdated. Some argue that marriage is old-fashioned.They’re right, it is old-fashioned. It was fashioned by God at Creation. It has endured for millennia because God ordained it as a standing institution for earthly existence. Ancient does not mean outdated. Marriage is still relevant because it is still not good for man to be alone. (Gen. 2:18) It is still relevant because it is something that God has ordained from the foundation of the world and He has never parted the clouds and called for its end. God has called husbands to demonstrate the power of godly affection to their wives as an eternal illustration of divine marriage.
  3. It is good. I want my sons to know that marriage is good. I become a better a man because of the wisdom that I attain only from my wife. My wife becomes a better woman because of the support and strength I provide for her. I am closer to Jesus now than I have ever been because my wife will not allow me to stagnate in my transformation into the image of the Son. My wife is closer to Jesus because I refuse to allow the darkness of this world to cast her down and lie to her about her identity! Marriage is good because it is a chosen instrument of God’s love to teach us about reflecting the glory of God to the world and to one another. In marriage, two imperfect people are left practice mercy, grace, and forgiveness toward one another before they demonstrate it to anyone else. Marriage is the maturation process of true discipleship where growth occurs when no one else is watching, besides God and our spouse.

I want my kids to see me regard my wife as the princess that she is. I pray that they bring out the princesses in their future wives as a result of watching me. Instilling a godly view of marriage just may be the most important lesson I ever teach my sons.
 
 

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Single

3 Signs of A Desperate Single

leisure, technology, lifestyle and people concept - man with smartphone and coffee at restaurant

Co-authored with Culus Williams
Being single can have you feeling lonely. You may feel that you’re not living life to the fullest. While in your single season the spirit of desperation tries to creep its way into your life. The enemy releases the spirit of desperation upon many singles. This spirit makes you think that your situation is hopeless and gives a sense of false hope. Desperation can be a distraction to the reason for your single season.
When we’re desperate we often make irrational decisions. We find ourselves in situation-ships and relationships that God never intended for our lives. We are so desperate to have a mate that we will settle for anybody that comes along with sweet nothings to speak into our ear.
People know when you’re desperate, they see it in the way you walk, talk and even in what you post on social media.

  • Your Walk – You walk in a room and position yourself to be seen by the opposite sex. You want someone to flirt, speak and chase after you.
  • Your Talk – You talk about your single status all the time. Every conversation is centered on finding a mate.
  • Your Posts – Your statuses on social media always focus on your single status. You post about how long you’ve been single or how long you’ll have to wait for your mate.

We must say your desperation is channeled in the wrong area. We should only be desperate for God which means that we want more of Him. When you find yourself in the place of being anxious for a mate, ask God to give you a fresh encounter with him. Ask the Lord to ignite his fire in you, so that you only desire to hunger and thirst after him. We promise you that you will be blessed.
Matthew 5:6 (NIV) Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Wait on God to position you to find your mate. The wait will be worth it because it will be orchestrated by God. Allow God to fill you up with his Holy Spirit in this season. Remember that desperation is a tactic of the enemy to delay the promises of God. God has a blessing with your name on it in this season!

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

Leaving the Friend Zone: 5 Steps to Dating A Friend

young happy couple jumping on beach

Categories
Marriage Parenting

3 Signs of a Godly Family Culture

When I was ten years old, my parents dropped me off to stay with another family for the weekend. The mother told my mom about all of the amazing activities we would do and all the great experiences they had in store for me over the weekend. I couldn’t help but get excited, myself! Dirt bikes, video games, movies on their big screen TV, flying model airplanes—it was a kid’s dreamworld!
When I entered the threshold of this uncharted territory, hearing the dull roar of my mom’s old Mazda driving away, I hesitantly followed the mother into the living room to see the family. The son was a friend from school, about my age. They had a teenage daughter who was years older than me, and the mother’s drop in, drop out boyfriend.
Hours into being immersed in this strange, new, setting, I was in tears, sneaking away into the kitchen pantry to call my mom from the family’s portable home phone to get me out of there! What was different about this family? Umm, everything. From the teenage girl’s angry, grungy music vibrating the walls, to my friend’s threatening, rebellious screaming matches with his mother, to the harsh, controlling, thunderous reprimands of the mother’s boyfriend, I was experiencing something entirely different from what I was accustomed to: another family culture.
Growing up, we weren’t a perfect family, but we cultivated a sweet culture of laughter, joy, encouragement, and intentional memories. I implore you: please work carefully to establish a Godly family culture!
Vision
What are your goals as a family? As a couple, you are the cultivators of a garden, the commanders of an army, the navigators of a fleet. A family establishes a rich culture by what they value. What you value, you reproduce.
 Where are you going as a family? Are you a “straight A’s or bust” family? Are you the “fitness family,” the “fashion family,” or the “fiendish family”? All humor aside, ask God to give you vision to establish the culture of your family.
Intentionality
A family culture is by default. You are already establishing the culture of your family, whether you know it or not. We laugh at the misadventures of Forrest Gump, who cluelessly meanders through life, rubbing elbows with JFK, John Lennon, and more, even building a multi-million dollar empire in the shrimping business! But it is important to be intentional as you establish the culture of your family.
My wife is always talking to me about doing fun things with the kids to make memories. I love this about her. She is thinking generationally. Be pro-active in your play times with your kids; always be thinking about how every interaction is a catalyst for the men and women they will become.
Family devotional times are how we establish Christ’s lordship in our family. Some of the best memories I will always cherish are sitting in a circle on the floor, worshipping God as a family, and answering our kids’ heartfelt questions about the nature and character of God.
Atmosphere
My intro mentioned my experience with a chaotic family culture. My wife and I yearn to be a joyful family. When things break, when money is tight, when stress abounds, our hearts cry out to God to model joy for our kids.
We want our children, and everyone who encounters our family, to see us a safe place.
If the culture of your family is chaotic and toxic, it’s not too late to invite the Holy Spirit to intervene with His peace and comfort.
How do you see your family culture? Is there faith or fear, peace or disarray?
 

Categories
Communication Marriage

The One Word that Will Keep Pride Out of Your Marriage

couple sitting in the sand and talking on beach
A few weeks ago the Holy Spirit whispered to me “ I want you to be more vulnerable”.
When I heard the word “vulnerable” I immediately thought that I was the poster child when it comes to being vulnerable, especially when it comes to my marriage. I am naturally a “feeler” and enjoy having heart to heart conversations with friends and family. As I began to allow the word from the Lord to rest upon my heart I began to see areas within my marriage in which I have neglected to allow my husband access to, which comes from being misunderstood or rejected.
To be vulnerable is to be : “open to attack or damage, being susceptible to be emotionally wounded, exposure”. What a powerful definition! When I read it for the first time, I was immediately humbled and began to measure the definition to my current life and relationship with my husband.
When you get married you become one with your spouse. Everything that you have is his and everything he has is yours. When you say “I do” I believe that in that moment the Lord knits both of your hearts together along with His to create a powerful team that is unstoppable when they allow themselves to be vulnerable with one another. You may ask how can I be vulnerable with my spouse?
 
Share your deepest dreams and desires with your spouse, allow him into your world.. the good, bad and the ugly. Yes, you see your husband or wife everyday and have conversations about life on a regular basis, but the tone of the conversations are usually surface and ritualistic. I still hear the Holy Spirit whisper to me “share more, he needs to hear your heart”  as I share with my husband an emotional or hard truth that may be taking place in my life. When I obey, I see how our conversation turns from surface to purpose and I begin to see his heart open up and receive me in a whole new way.
Don’t be afraid to be the real you. When you are who God created you to be and you choose to involve him in every area of your life and marriage. You will not be afraid, because you know that whatever you share, that God is involved and that when you and your husband choose to allow Him to be the foundation of all that you say and do, being vulnerable will be a regular and enjoyable practice. Watch how your marriage becomes more enriched as you choose to allow your spouse to visit the most deepest parts of your heart, dreams and desires.

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

5 Types of Women Men Should Pay Close Attention To…..

business black man looking far

Men, here are 5 types of women you should pay close attention to when entertaining potential relationships:

  1. Ms. Please Come & Save Me: She is unstable in all her ways and has difficulty finishing tasks.She can’t finish school, can’t keep a job and can’t keep good friends. She lacks identity and is completely unaware of her purpose in life. She is looking for a superhero to come and save her from her misery. She is a complete liability to you.
  1. Ms. Can You Pay My Bills: She is not interested in building with you and her main concern is whether or not you can pay her bills. She could care less about you being committed to her. In fact, she would rather deal with men who are married or taken to ensure her streams of income from various men remain in tact. She is willing to give you her body, a little bit of her time but nothing more. Her only goal is to hit the jackpot by finding a man who will take care of her financially. She is a financial liability.
  2. Ms. Can You Fill The Void of My Daddy: She is deeply wounded and rejected. She looks for love and affirmation from whoever will give her attention. She seeks men to fill the void of her absentee father and won’t relent until she does so. She will latch on to a man quickly and hold on to him, no matter how badly he treats her. She is willing to accept the liar, the cheater, the user and abuser all for the sake of filling her void. She seeks love but is unable to reciprocate it because of her dysfunctional concept and lack of understanding of true love. She is a emotional liability.
  3. Ms. Independent: Ms. Independent has her own house, car, good job, degrees and she really doesn’t need you. As a matter of a fact she only wants you to add to her list of achievements and she see you as an accomplishment she needs to obtain for people to see. She’s selfish, controlling and wants things her way. She is close friends with Ms. Jezebel and will use your weakness against you. After all, she believes you are the one who needs her. She will find you and attempt to mold you into HER perfect image. She has a deep dark secret that she is hiding. On the outside she seems like the perfect catch, however on the inside she is a broken little girl who seeks materialistic things and accomplishments to validate who she is. She is also rejected, bitter and doesn’t like herself very much. She lives to prove herself to those who overlooked and rejected her in the past. She does not have the ability to follow you. She is a spiritual and mental liability to you.
  4. Ms. Good Thing: She is not in need of saving. She has come into her own and knows her true identity outside of you. However, she understands her purpose with you. She has learned discipline and submission. Although she is a great leader, she knows how to follow you. She is an asset to you instead of a liability. She compliments your life well and is your greatest cheerleader. She is not lazy and she knows how to multiply your money. She knows how to function without you but she values your addition to her life. She does not talk down to you like a child and she respects you as her head. She trusts you and she does not use your mistakes or flaws against you. …instead, she helps you to improve them. She is always willing to fight by your side and for you. She has found resolve with her past and has learned to be a forgiver and a life carrier. Her words are used to speak life into you and at your worst, she is still able to see the best in you. She is not perfect but she strives to become better every day. She is not a liability…she is your helpmeet.

Men, you don’t have to settle for girls in women’s bodies who are incapable of filling the role of your helper. You don’t have to buy her love and affections. God desires to send you a Proverbs 31 woman who can add to your life and follow you as her head. My prayer for you is that you not be blinded by her curves, but will be able to see the true condition of her heart, mind, soul and spirit. Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (NIV). This proverb can’t manifest in your life if you continue to choose women who make great arm trophies, but lack the essential qualities of a wife. Trust God and he will not only send you the woman you desire, but also the wife you need! Be encouraged men of God!
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Single

The Truth Lemonade Revealed About Women Today

Prior to April 23, 2016, when we all heard the word “lemonade” I imagine that a picture of freshly squeezed, slightly-sweetened juice came to mind. However, after Beyoncé officially released her visual album entitled Lemonade, that word has now taken on a whole new meaning.
 
For me personally, Beyoncé’s Visual Album squeezed some lemon juice on old wounds, reminding me of the gut-wrenching pain I have experienced in past failed relationships. It also shined the spotlight on the current condition of many women’s hearts in America today.
 
Why did so many people love Lemonade? Because it showed us that Beyonce is a REAL person too, affected by the same pains and problems we humans experience. It made her appear touchable and realistic. We often forget that celebrities walk the same earth we do, and therefore experience the same struggles.  Lemonade gave women the opportunity to relate to her; it was as if for a moment she removed her superwoman cape and allowed us to sit on her bed while she poured out her deepest hurts and secrets.
 
It also revealed a much more mind-boggling reality – even America’s Pop Culture Queen: Queen Bey, can be cheated on. I have heard SO many men and women with eyebrows raised beg the question: “WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD CHEAT ON BEYONCE?!?!”
 
Although I do not celebrate the fact it happened, I praise her for her transparency. She may not even fully understand the lesson she taught – but what she really showed us all is this: Even Queen Bey herself cannot satisfy lust!
 
It doesn’t matter how pretty, sexually advanced/experienced/adventurous you are, how much money & power you possess, or how “wanted” you are by men, lust can NEVER be satisfied. Beyoncé is the icon of sex, beauty, body, power, independence, success, intelligence, and fame… and lust got bored with her too.
 
Any relationship that involves lust is DOOMED to fail from the beginning for one main reason: because lust is a bottomless pit – no matter how much you fill it, it will never be full. Many women are currently exhausted and devastated in relationships trying to satisfy an un-satisfiable lust.
 
The sad thing is that lust ALWAYS shows itself quickly, and the warnings signs are evident – so why is it that we ignore these warning signs and still end up in relationships with unfaithful, un-satisfiable men? Simple – we LOVE a good challenge.
 
We like to believe that we are the ultimate woman who can satisfy a man that has previously been unsatisfied. We like to think that we are superior to the women who have gone before us and tried to satisfy him.
 
Don’t believe me? If this wasn’t true the term “side chick” wouldn’t exist. A lot of women actually openly admit to preferring side chick status because they believe that makes them the one he really “wants,” versus the one he is “stuck” with.
 
However, what we fail to realize is at one point SHE was the one he wanted, or he wouldn’t have MARRIED HER. The very fact that he is willing to entertain a side chick, exemplifies his inability to be satisfied.
 
As women, we have to do better than this. I think Lemonade really tore the veil off of a BIG issue that has become common practice, acceptable, and normal in America – it’s not if you will be cheated on, but when. I know a lot of women who allow their boyfriend/fiancé/husband to cheat on them because they claim it’s unrealistic to expect anything more in 2016.
 
I disagree. It DOES NOT and SHOULD NOT be like that. But, the hard truth is, IF it is like that – the warning signs were there and you probably ignored them. Most likely for 1 of 2 reasons:
1. You thought you were the super woman that could make him be faithful
or
2. You don’t believe you are worth more than that.
 
Lemonade was hard to swallow, especially being a woman who has experienced every step of the pain Beyoncé outlined in her visual album. But, there was one great truth we all could, and should, learn from – if EVEN Queen Bey herself cannot satisfy lust, then men don’t cheat because you aren’t pretty enough, good enough, experienced enough, or desirable enough. They cheat because of lust.
 
It would be unrealistic to expect to find a perfect man or end up in a perfect marriage. However, the standard is only low because we as women refuse to raise the bar. Lust is not very good at hiding, it usually leaves a sloppy bread crumb trail of warning signs like wandering eyes, promiscuity, indecision, and refusal to commit… and if you choose to follow the bread crumbs willingly all the way to “I do,” then it will only be a matter of time before you are sipping on lemonade too.
 
As women, it’s our job to make sure that lust is not something we teach our friends and daughters is acceptable by accepting it ourselves. We need to stop being side chicks and stealing other women’s husbands. We need to stop ignoring the blatantly obvious warning signs. We need to know our value. We need to choose better. We need to stop drinking the lemonade.