Memories – d1894e3047.nxcli.net

The Unseen History With God in Your Marriage

Time Travel

This past weekend, my wife and I rifled through our memories and found our wedding video. Eleven years and three kids later, we’re still going strong. Yet, amazingly enough, our kids had never seen our wedding video before. So we scooped some ice cream, sat down as a family, and re-lived that magical day all over again. (Well, almost magical. Everyone has a story about a moment in their wedding day that was more tragic than magic.)
Ours truly felt like a fairy tale wedding. It was outside; we were under an oak tree with the wind blowing and the sun gleaming through the clouds. The music, the flowers, the ambience—Oh! And the bride! You should have seen her! She looked like a princess; she still looks like a princess.
Going back to that day with our kids was so special in so many ways, but it really highlighted the true Hero of our story: Christ. Sarah and I have built something together over the past eleven years. We’re still building something together: a secret history with God. He is the muse of our love story. Our marriage is an ever-unfolding tribute to the Lover of our souls.

Unseen Struggles

Watching our video resurfaced all those old feelings of our love. There were moments that I grimaced, like the extremely nerve-induced delivery of my vows. (It’s a wonder anyone could understand me, talking that fast!) But mostly, it made me beam with pride at our amazing story.
I glanced over at my bride and smiled many times. She’s still here. She’s the girl I married and she’s so much more. She’s the woman I’ve slain dragons with. She’s been the eyewitness to some of my most brutal failures; and yet, here she remains.
At the bedrock foundation of a solid marriage, there are often the unseen scars. From the courtship to the wedding day, there were battles. From the wedding day to eleven years, there were wars. The only thing that people see are a man and a woman in love with God and one another, but the unseen beauty of a marriage are the scars of battles fought together to get there—and stay there.

Unseen Victories

There are also unseen victory laps.
Celebrating our first home together, celebrating the first time the baby slept through the night, celebrating the appearance of the mysterious $100 bill that was carefully and curiously wedged in the pages of Sarah’s Bible during a time of financial famine. These are the moments that get a marriage through the battles! No one knows the intimate joys that I have with my wife over the battles we have fought and won together, except us. That is the beauty of our unseen history: that we take advantage of an opportunity to build something—not a façade, but something four-dimensional together. And nobody sees it or lives it like we do.

Building Upwards

The defeats and victories form the bedrock of who we are as a couple. Now, we’re growing together, rising higher from glory to glory together with God. We’re forging new victories after new battles—adding more glorious layers to our beautiful imitation of Christ and the Church.
Be patient in your battles. Be graceful in your victories. Soon, you’ll look back at that glorious day that it all began and marvel at your unseen history with one another and with your Great God.

3 Signs of a Godly Family Culture

When I was ten years old, my parents dropped me off to stay with another family for the weekend. The mother told my mom about all of the amazing activities we would do and all the great experiences they had in store for me over the weekend. I couldn’t help but get excited, myself! Dirt bikes, video games, movies on their big screen TV, flying model airplanes—it was a kid’s dreamworld!
When I entered the threshold of this uncharted territory, hearing the dull roar of my mom’s old Mazda driving away, I hesitantly followed the mother into the living room to see the family. The son was a friend from school, about my age. They had a teenage daughter who was years older than me, and the mother’s drop in, drop out boyfriend.
Hours into being immersed in this strange, new, setting, I was in tears, sneaking away into the kitchen pantry to call my mom from the family’s portable home phone to get me out of there! What was different about this family? Umm, everything. From the teenage girl’s angry, grungy music vibrating the walls, to my friend’s threatening, rebellious screaming matches with his mother, to the harsh, controlling, thunderous reprimands of the mother’s boyfriend, I was experiencing something entirely different from what I was accustomed to: another family culture.
Growing up, we weren’t a perfect family, but we cultivated a sweet culture of laughter, joy, encouragement, and intentional memories. I implore you: please work carefully to establish a Godly family culture!
Vision
What are your goals as a family? As a couple, you are the cultivators of a garden, the commanders of an army, the navigators of a fleet. A family establishes a rich culture by what they value. What you value, you reproduce.
Where are you going as a family? Are you a “straight A’s or bust” family? Are you the “fitness family,” the “fashion family,” or the “fiendish family”? All humor aside, ask God to give you vision to establish the culture of your family.
Intentionality
A family culture is by default. You are already establishing the culture of your family, whether you know it or not. We laugh at the misadventures of Forrest Gump, who cluelessly meanders through life, rubbing elbows with JFK, John Lennon, and more, even building a multi-million dollar empire in the shrimping business! But it is important to be intentional as you establish the culture of your family.
My wife is always talking to me about doing fun things with the kids to make memories. I love this about her. She is thinking generationally. Be pro-active in your play times with your kids; always be thinking about how every interaction is a catalyst for the men and women they will become.
Family devotional times are how we establish Christ’s lordship in our family. Some of the best memories I will always cherish are sitting in a circle on the floor, worshipping God as a family, and answering our kids’ heartfelt questions about the nature and character of God.
Atmosphere
My intro mentioned my experience with a chaotic family culture. My wife and I yearn to be a joyful family. When things break, when money is tight, when stress abounds, our hearts cry out to God to model joy for our kids.
We want our children, and everyone who encounters our family, to see us a safe place.
If the culture of your family is chaotic and toxic, it’s not too late to invite the Holy Spirit to intervene with His peace and comfort.
How do you see your family culture? Is there faith or fear, peace or disarray?