Growing up I remember hearing my step-father say “Money has a mind of its own”. As a young boy I had no idea what that meant. I knew money could not have a personality because it was not alive so I dismissed it. It was not until I got to college that I began to understand what that statement really meant. At first I thought that money was supposed to be spent. After all, what good is currency that’s not moving right?
So with that, I spent…
I would get…then spend
Get…then spend.
It was so bad that I would spend when I did not have. And I did this constantly, repeatedly, and to no end. I had no clue at the time the pattern I was establishing was problematic, nor did anything alert me otherwise.
I was of the mindset that the financial decisions that I was making would only affect me – again, not at all realizing that there was a bigger picture that included more than just me but my teachings as a child gave my spending habits validity.
Then I got married. Now I was upfront-ish (kinda-sorta) about my financial past. Kira, my wife, knew about my financial past in part, but I had not informed her about how and why my financial past was the way it was.
That was a BIG mistake because telling only a portion of the truth is still a whole lie! We discussed finances and agreed to having a joint account. We decided we did not want any separation in our financial life; after all, the two have now become one! We even agreed that Kira would handle the finances because she’s a better money manager than I am.
Let’s pause here. I know that’s not the popular thought. We (men) are inadvertently taught that the man should make and control the money. My abstention to that is, what if the man doesn’t have that skill…or not as strong as his wife? Is the family supposed to head to a financial hell? But I digress…
I thought I was doing ok. We agreed on the finances, so all should be well!!! WRONG!!!!!
The one thing that I never addressed was my mindset; specifically, the seed that was planted about money having a mind of its own. It honestly was not until I began to write this post that I realized where my thoughts and processes of mismanagement arose. Money does not have a mind of its own— Instead, it takes on the mind of its owner!
My selfishness showed up in my money management. Battles with control, manipulation, and ego reared their head in this area too. The money did not have its own mind, so it personified the characteristics that I still had in me. Thankfully, we are no longer in this place AND our financial health is strong!!! HALLELUJAH
The truth is there is no glory in not enjoying all the fruits of marriage because of personal preference and choice. I realize, neither myself, my marriage or our finances could become stronger until I recognized and put to death my philosophy on money, told my wife with the whole truth, and came up with a resolution.
My closing encouragement for husbands and wives is to self-asses where you are mentally and emotionally as it relates to finances and address with your spouse any hurdles that should be known upfront or come about. This, I know, makes a huge difference in establishing peace in the home!
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