When I was in college I was very active, I played volleyball for HU , Go Pirates!, and I often had to run to class because of my desire to sleep in…who schedules 8 AM classes anyway? So when I graduated, I wanted to avoid anything that was reflective of my need to participate in daily workouts and anxiety induced running to class (we were not allowed to be late for class).
When I moved to Chicago, I set out to reach a personal goal of trying a new pizzeria each weekend so that I can know which one was the best. This goal, although fun and a childhood dream to have as much pizza as possible, had its’ consequences. My new found “grown status” not only gave me independence but I gained 15 plus pounds. The shift from daily physical activity to a sedentary and stressful career along with eating sausage Chicago-style pizza each weekend was not healthy.
One day I read,
1 Corinthians 6:19, “Do you not know that your body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you, whom you have received [as a Gif\ from God? You are not your own.”
Along with remaining sexually pure, we have to understand that our bodies are used for the service and the dwelling place of the Lord. An overindulgent and unrestrained lifestyle does not allow for us to reflect that we allow the Holy Spirit to live in a healthy and clean temple but one that is sluggish, tired and overweight. I realized that I was not able to become a world changer if I was too tired to serve God’s people. Think about it, most of the work that we are called to do takes physical activity of your body-the temple of the Lord.
Worship leaders, teachers, preachers, missionary workers all need to have physical and mental stamina in order to serve efficiently. I noticed that when I changed my eating habits and increased my workouts, I was able to pray and worship longer allowing me the opportunity to pray for others with accuracy and clarity.
Don’t get me wrong…I am THE first person to post a new food or restaurant that I tried and I love watching food channels to find out about new places to try. Although I encourage new experiences, every night of unhealthy food and abandoning intentional workouts does not help you live a lifestyle reflective of an effective world changer.
Have you noticed that you always see testimonies of people after their weight transformation? What happened during that time frame between unhealthy and healthy? I am currently not at my goal weight but have increased my workouts to activities that I enjoy to reach towards my goal.
You will not lose all your weight within the first two weeks of working out. I know I know…I tried. It seems so easy to gain weight and so difficult to lose. Don’t give up and keep pressing.
Here are a few tips, that I have learned from experience on living a healthy lifestyle:
1. Find a workout that is fun for you!
I was a student-athlete in high school and college, and it eventually became laborious waking up early and I no longer enjoyed what I was doing. I erroneously went completely opposite of working out in the gym and starting exercising the couch and remote. I love to dance and will bop at any chance I get. I recently discovered Zumba Fitness where it is fun without evening noticing the intense workout that I am having.
2. Include Friends and Family for Accountability
Your accountability can celebrate your successes and encourage you during your difficult seasons. It seems like it can take a week to gain 10 pounds and months to lose those same 10 pounds. Have someone around to encourage you will keep you focused on changing your lifestyle.
3. Change your Eating Habits
Avoid excess of processed fatty foods. A few years ago our senior pastors showed a video “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead”. After watching this video, we all went out and bought a juicer and threw away every bag of chips, cookies and soda that we had in our home.
It may have been an extreme action but we did not realize how and what we eat can affect our appearance, emotions and ability to focus. I am not a big vegetable eater (something I am working on) but while juicing, I am able to add all the veggies that I need and drink it. Pear, Kale Greens, Spinach and Ginger is a great combo and very tasty.
While in the midst of my personal lifestyle change, I hope this encourages someone to begin to change your daily eating and workout habits to one that is reflective of a world changer and a temple that is reflective of the dwelling place of the Lord.
Categories
Financial Folly: A Husband's Testimony
Growing up I remember hearing my step-father say “Money has a mind of its own”. As a young boy I had no idea what that meant. I knew money could not have a personality because it was not alive so I dismissed it. It was not until I got to college that I began to understand what that statement really meant. At first I thought that money was supposed to be spent. After all, what good is currency that’s not moving right?
So with that, I spent…
I would get…then spend
Get…then spend.
It was so bad that I would spend when I did not have. And I did this constantly, repeatedly, and to no end. I had no clue at the time the pattern I was establishing was problematic, nor did anything alert me otherwise.
I was of the mindset that the financial decisions that I was making would only affect me – again, not at all realizing that there was a bigger picture that included more than just me but my teachings as a child gave my spending habits validity.
Then I got married. Now I was upfront-ish (kinda-sorta) about my financial past. Kira, my wife, knew about my financial past in part, but I had not informed her about how and why my financial past was the way it was.
That was a BIG mistake because telling only a portion of the truth is still a whole lie! We discussed finances and agreed to having a joint account. We decided we did not want any separation in our financial life; after all, the two have now become one! We even agreed that Kira would handle the finances because she’s a better money manager than I am.
Let’s pause here. I know that’s not the popular thought. We (men) are inadvertently taught that the man should make and control the money. My abstention to that is, what if the man doesn’t have that skill…or not as strong as his wife? Is the family supposed to head to a financial hell? But I digress…
I thought I was doing ok. We agreed on the finances, so all should be well!!! WRONG!!!!!
The one thing that I never addressed was my mindset; specifically, the seed that was planted about money having a mind of its own. It honestly was not until I began to write this post that I realized where my thoughts and processes of mismanagement arose. Money does not have a mind of its own— Instead, it takes on the mind of its owner!
My selfishness showed up in my money management. Battles with control, manipulation, and ego reared their head in this area too. The money did not have its own mind, so it personified the characteristics that I still had in me. Thankfully, we are no longer in this place AND our financial health is strong!!! HALLELUJAH
The truth is there is no glory in not enjoying all the fruits of marriage because of personal preference and choice. I realize, neither myself, my marriage or our finances could become stronger until I recognized and put to death my philosophy on money, told my wife with the whole truth, and came up with a resolution.
My closing encouragement for husbands and wives is to self-asses where you are mentally and emotionally as it relates to finances and address with your spouse any hurdles that should be known upfront or come about. This, I know, makes a huge difference in establishing peace in the home!
As women we take on the burden of being everything to everyone. We wear multiple hats, sometimes one at a time, and at other times two and three hats all at once. We give and give and give of ourselves to ensure that the people around us are taken care of, loved on, nurtured, comforted, encouraged, provided for, and appreciated.
As mothers we will bend over backwards to chauffeur the children to school and practices, work on homework, volunteer at their school, and squeeze in some semblance of quality family time before bed. As wives we will make sure the house is clean, dinner is made, egos are stroked, the husband feels like “the man”, our “wifey duties” are handled, and all while maintaining the balance of being an independent woman with being a submissive wife.
And these are just our “home” hats. We also wear the daughter hat, the sister hat, the auntie hat, the minister/ and or minister’s wife hat, the employee/ employer hat, and the friend hat.
With all that we have on us each day, how often do we take off all those hats and put on the “ME” hat?
Not often at all. We, as women, have become so consumed with the welfare of other people that by the time we get to ourselves, we are depleted of all energy, strength, and effort. It is in our nature to nurture, to help, to give, but it is always directed outward and hardly ever inward.
Pamela Hines writes in her book The Fabric of a Woman, “Unfortunately, many women sacrifice their personal care, growth, or development because they devote all of their time and efforts to serving others… but how can we really give ourselves to our families, and to others who depend on us, if we fail to first take the time to get what we need?”.
You will be more of what everyone else needs you to be, including yourself, when you have properly tended to yourself.
It is ok to be selfish and have “ME” moments.
You will be happier, feel better, and be able to do more when you are at full capacity, but you can only be at your best if you place value on yourself enough to invest in yourself. When we constantly give out and never replenish, we have the potential to do more harm in our relationships than good. We begin to operate out of frustration, irritability, and resentment for others and for the job that we love. As women we tend to feel that it is not ok to take time for ourselves.
“Who will do it if I don’t?” “So and so needs me. I can’t say no”. “Let me just do it so that it gets done”. We convince ourselves that we have to do everything because it’s our job to do it, but taking care of everything means taking care of ourselves as well.
Challenge yourself to be OK with having those selfish moments. Spend time doing something that makes you happy. Give yourself what you would give to others… YOU.
Categories
You the Man
You the Man
You’re the provider
You’re the protector
You are to love her, never neglect her
Follow The Lord
Obey His Word
It is a guide as well as a sword
This life is real, you can’t do it alone
When it get’s real, just look to the throne
My God is faithful, He’s always there
Jehovah Jireh hears your prayers
Don’t fret my friend, for a friend He is
When you’re Spirit led, you’re one of His kids
Put God at the center
Let Him be your mentor
For He gives such great advise
Get to know Him well He’s real nice
Try not to worry when it get’s blurry
Just be patient, He’ll make it clear
Seek His face He’ll draw you near
Take His hand
Follow His plan
He’s ordered your steps, for you the man
In the last 2 years of my life, which have included marriage, motherhood, ministry, and marketplace, I have learned that balance is not achievable, but there is a way to do all four. I have been in ministry for 15 years, married for two years, a mother for one year, and a business owner for 9 months. Is it difficult yes, but I believe it is doable. Today, I will share the 7 most important things I have learned about each of these areas and how I balance them. Most people ask me “how do you do it,” and my answer is chaotically but gracefully. A lot of people have ideas about what a life full of marriage, ministry, motherhood, and business looks like. But the truth is, you really don’t know until you get there. When I was pregnant I took 5 months off and that was incredibly hard for this busy beaver, but it was really important to recognize the necessity in doing so. That leads me to my first point:
- I have learned that every season and every role is important and sacred. I do not rush through taking care of or being with my son to get to the next task even though I want to sometimes. When I do, I just get frustrated and I rob myself of precious time that could be spent with him. So with that lesson learned I began to work around his naps and when he goes to bed. There are many times I still get frustrated trying to answer emails while he is pulling on my dress or asking to play, but nowadays I catch myself and let whatever I am doing go and give him my attention. I have learned that sometimes I can only do one thing at a time and that is fine. I have learned not to feel guilty for putting my work aside and playing with my baby. I know as I honor my role as a mother, God will honor me as a work at home mom. Raising my baby is just as important as making the money to contribute to my family. It helps that my husband is in graduate school and has several classes at night, which allows me to work and then focus on him when he returns. That leads me to point two.
- Manage your time wisely. When you are in multiple roles time can be your best of friend and the worst of friend. Learn to categorize things in your head and write down a block schedule. Whatever you do, try to have a clear map of how you are going to steward your day. Yes there are always surprises, but try to get back on track as soon as you can. I intentionally work hard to create time for my service to God, my husband, my son, and my career. Create spaces in your schedule and designate chunks of time for each task. Put first things first: Jesus, husband, children, and ministry/work. Sometimes you may feel like you are drowning in water and what you are giving is not enough, but if you do it out of a heart of love, it is enough. Give yourself Grace.
- Everything is not always going to be perfect and that’s okay. Life as a wife and working mother is nothing like the magazines. My house sometimes is not as clean as I would like, my prayer time not as long, my productivity not as much, but I give my best to all I have been given to steward. Do your best and get help. Find a friend who loves to clean, someone who can occasionally watch your baby so you can work, or someone who could plan meals. Plan systems and creative ways to keep your home and life running smoothly. However, the sooner you realize there will be a lot of times where things won’t run smoothly, and the sooner you become okay with that, the happier (more peaceful, settled, content) you and those around you will be. Do not fall under the trap of perfection―do what works for your family. I pray you have a supportive husband, split chores, share in responsibilities and you will be just fine. When you fall short, repent and keep moving. Remember there is always tomorrow.
- Learn to understand the season you are in. I have been very eager to finish writing the books that have been hanging in the balance for awhile now, however book writing requires prolonged moments of quietness which are currently nonexistent in my life. I was so frustrated, until I realized this was not a season for books but for blogs. Using blogs I could still get out what I had to share with the world just in a shorter form. It does not mean I will not write again, it just means it is not a season for novels. Understanding the season I am in helped me release the pressure I was putting on myself. When I was single, or even before the baby, I could “go, go, go,” but seasons have changed and some things will just need to wait. Be realistic with the goals for all areas of your life. What you can do―do it now. What you can’t do now― you can do it later.
- Family first. Since I am on the road quite a bit I decided that I would take my family with me as much as possible. Ministry is family. I do not believe that your calling or assignment ends just because you become a wife or mother. Instead, your calling enlarges and you are given a different sphere of influence. As a woman preacher, my heart is to include my husband and children in the work of the Lord, so much, that it all merges together. Serving Jesus and being a family should just be as normal as breathing. Care first for your husband’s emotional, spiritual, and physical needs, then your children, and then everyone else. This sort of prioritizing will be a model for others to see and follow in a ministry settings. Read the Word and pray with your husband, have family Bible reading times, dream together as a family, and always make God the center of everything. As you honor your commitments to your husband and children, I believe God honors your commitments to those you have been called to serve.
- Have Fun. As tiring and difficult as this season can be for some, it is also wonderful and beautiful. Life is all about perspective. The way we see the world effects what we will receive from it. Look at the not so funny moments of life, and remember you will laugh about them later. Take it easy on your spouse and children. Find time to go on vacations, have family fun nights, and laugh, laugh, laugh. Jesus came so you could have this kind of abundant life. When you want to complain remember there are so many other women who wish they had a husband, children, work, or ministry. Be GRATEFUL. Ungratefulness breads discontentment. Rejoice in who you are, what you have, and where you are going.
- Take care of yourself. This is an area I am working on constantly because my schedule just seems impossible. But now that it is warming up, I take a 20 minute walk with the baby in his stroller twice a day. It is good for him to get out, the mental break helps my creativity, and the walking serves as my exercise for the day. I am very protective of my time. I make sure I spend at least two hours a week watching a movie or favorite show. It is hard for me to put the iPad down, or the phone, but I remind myself that my productivity is based on my level of rest. I get my hair and feet done often, and I really push for those alone times even if it is only several hours a week!
I know I have so much more to learn, but one thing I know is that this is doable. There is no balance, but there is a way. Be all God has called you to be and live a fulfilled life. For a consult on how to balance your life better email me at info@askdoctorfaith.com.
The first marriage ever recorded in the history of humankind is found in Genesis 2 with our parents, Adam and Eve. Since that marriage, hundreds of thousands of other men and women have followed in their footsteps. Those that have invented things that have changed the course of history will never be forgotten. From Konrad Zuse, inventor of the computer, Alexander Bell, inventor of the telephone, to Madame C.J. Walker (inventor of hair lotion) who all have made a stamp on this world through their contribution. But, no invention will ever be able to trump God’s invention of marriage. Be encouraged by these requirements from the Inventor of marriage!
1. Work as a Team
Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4.11-12
God brought you and spouse together in order to work your purpose together. It is very easy to forget during hard moments when you and your spouse are disagreeing that you are on the same team. On any team the hardest challenge is learning how to work in sync with your teammates. Professional teams spend years learning one another in order to perfect their teamwork ability. You may differ greatly from your spouse, but its in the differences that you can learn to value what your spouse has.
2. Enjoy Your Spouse.
Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose – don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted! Proverbs 5:18-19 (MSG)
God gives you full permission to enjoy your spouse to fullest. In between the long hours at work, taking care of kids, and keeping everyone else happy around you; enjoying your spouse can easily be pushed to the bottom of the list. Make it a priority to enjoy your spouse in some way each day whether that be through a great night of passionate sex, intimate pillow talk, or cuddling on the couch for a late night movie once the kids are in bed. They are a gift to you, and you deserve to enjoy them.
3. Husbands never stop loving. Wives never stop respecting.
Wives submit to your husbands, as fitting to the Lord. Husbands love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Colossians 3:18-19 (NKJV)
There is a great book written by Emmerson Eggerichs entitled, “Love and Respect”. In this book he does an excellent job at breaking down this biblical principle. Husbands desire respect more than anything from their wives, and wives desire love more than anything is respect. When a husband feels respected by his wife then loving her is even easier, and when a wife feels loved by her husband, respecting him is even easier. Husbands you can love her over and above by paying attention to the details of her life and putting extra effort into meeting her needs. Wives you can show him more respect by trusting his leadership, listening well to the things that are heavy on his heart, and praying forth those things to God.
4. Be A Peacemaker.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3 (NKJV)
I released a quote on my Facebook page about how you have to “work” everyday at making your marriage better. Well, that sparked a little debate between some of my readers. One person disagreed, stating, “your marriage shouldn’t be a chore that you have to work at it.” I disagreed with him and used this verse to back up my reasoning. It is clear here that God says we must make every effort to keep unity even when being angry or unforgiving is easier. Being a peacemaker in your home shouldn’t be left up to one spouse, but both should make every effort to keep the peace. Yes, you will disagree and argue, but the purpose is to patiently come to a resolve with even more love for each other.
Chapter 3-Lady of Faith
To recap from my last post (friend-ectomy-assessing-who-stays-and-who-goes) in The Lady in Waiting series, Ruth’s and Orpah’s husbands died. So Naomi and her daughters-in-law were without their husbands (their lover and provider) in Moab (a foreign land for Naomi). Naomi urged her daughters-in-law to go back to their parents homes in hopes of remarrying a Moabite. Naomi decided to go back to her homeland in order to survive. Orpah took Naomi’s advice but Ruth did not want to leave Naomi. Ruth chose to trust God. She ran the risk of not getting remarried since she was a Moabite in Bethlehem.
But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. (New International Version, Ruth 1:16)
“She looked not with sensual sight but with eyes of faith. She chose to trust with her heart for the future her eyes could not yet see” Jones,D and Kendall, J (1995). Lady in Waiting. Shippensburg,PA: Destiny Image Publishers, Inc.
We often turn off our faith eyes and choose to look with sensual sight when waiting for our spouses. The bible says “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (New International Version, Hebrews 11:1).
You may be saying, “I’m getting too old or I don’t see any prospects in this church/city.” I know when I was single, I thought I had to be in the most logical place to potentially be found. While in college, my church had a single’s group and believed that could be where I meet “the one”.
At this church, my pastor encouraged all the single women to let your future husband find you working for the Lord. He pretty much told us to stop thinking about it and focus on Jesus and he will find you. It took a while for my pastors’ advice to sink in, but it finally did. I needed to be like Ruth and not Orpah. Ruth wasn’t trying to be found when she was gleaning from the field of Boaz, and she didn’t do research about who the owner of the field was. She knew that her and Naomi needed to eat. She was found by Boaz while she was taking care of business.
God doesn’t need you to be somewhere or to do something to get “the one’s” attention. He will bring your mate to you. Rest in his faithfulness because He desires to give you the best. Have faith that God will give you the desires of your heart.
I started trusting God to write my love story. Little did I know, I had already met my husband five years earlier at a black student union meeting on campus. I met him at a time that I was not even looking for him. Matter of fact, I was in an unhealthy relationship with someone else. After I listened to God and severed that unhealthy relationship and allowed Him to repair me internally, I was finally ready to be found. God could speak to my heart about me to prepare me for my husband.
I knew that Jesus loved me. I starting believing that I was valuable and worthy of the best. I knew that I did not want to settle any longer. I knew I wanted to be married for life, so I did not want “me” to get in the way. I wanted a God orchestrated love story. He gave me just that. I can honestly say that I have a fairytale love story. And the best is yet to come.
On behalf of Married and Young, I will be blessing someone with this book. In order to enter into the drawing you have to do two things:
- Follow Married and Young on Facebook
- Commented on at least one of the 4 posts of the Lady in Waiting Series on Married and Young
When reading the title of this blog, I am sure it is guaranteed to raise eyebrows. Well, allow me to explain. After being married for 8 years, I have learned a lot from doing marriage my way or the way I was taught by my parents or lack thereof.
Once we exchange rings and the fanfare is over, we become quickly acquainted with the ‘real’ person you married. Don’t get me wrong! I am quite sure many of you know a lot about your spouse prior to saying ‘I Do’.
However, I am pretty sure you find out a lot more once you are living together as a married couple. Maybe you didn’t know he was lazy or maybe you didn’t know she was terrible with money. Well, I have developed a few techniques that will help you get the most out of your spouse.
- Assess his/her weaknesses – I am sure that after you left the honeymoon and moved in you are beginning to notice behaviors or weaknesses in your spouse. The areas that your spouse is weak in offer to assist in those areas.
- Pray for Development – Ask God to teach you to pray for your spouse. After all, God is her Father and he knows the way to her heart better than you. Trust his guidance as you pray for your spouse. You are her biggest intercessor. Pray that she grows in these areas of her life.
- Affirmation – Be sure to affirm the areas they are strong in.
- Handling their mistakes – Be patient when they makes mistakes. Use these as opportunities to demonstrate to your spouse that you want to help and that they don’t have to do it alone. Also, don’t forget to encourage them to try again.
- Develop a vision for your spouse – What do you want to see materialize in his/her life, career, spiritual life. Once you get a vision for your spouse, invest in it! Purchase books! Give them training ideas! Lend you ear to your spouse passions and seek out ways to fulfill them!
Finally, MOTIVATE, MOTIVATE, MOTIVATE!
There is much power in a praying, comforting, reassuring spouse. The end result is a spouse that has the courage to tackle every challenge. As she sees you going out of your way for her. She will go out of her way for you!
(This is part 2 of part 1 – to read part 1, click here!)
1. The WRONG debate for the Christian is whether or not a person is the ONE. The RIGHT debate, is whether or not the person is THE WILL!
For decades arguments have been made, about there only being ONE person on the planet for everyone. This is irrational for obvious reasons. However, every Christian knows, or should know, that God has an opinion about EVERY decision we make in life.
Psalms 139 establishes Godʼs perfect knowledge of man and opinion about His existence . God has an opinion about EVERYTHING we do in life. INCLUDING who we are romantically interested in. Itʼs ironic that we believe Godʼs opinion about our bodies with regard to sickness and disease ( the common belief is that He wants us healed) but we shun the thought, that God cares about who we choose to sleep with and make children with, both things that have to do with our bodies.
Typical theological inconsistencies common to the average Christian. When a Christian notices, there is an initial attraction or draw towards another person in a romantic tone, the next several weeks should be spent NOT just getting to know the person, but also getting to know Godʼs opinion about you joining in a covenant before Him with that person.
If marriage is to glorify God, the parties doing it should be concerned about that as well. Therefore, God has a WILL for who you should pursue, BUT it is ultimately your choice.
1. The WRONG debate for the Christian is whether or not a person is the ONE. The RIGHT debate, is whether or not the person is THE WILL!
For decades arguments have been made, about there only being ONE person on the planet for everyone. This is irrational for obvious reasons. However, every Christian knows, or should know, that God has an opinion about EVERY decision we make in life.
Psalms 139 establishes Godʼs perfect knowledge of man and opinion about His existence . God has an opinion about EVERYTHING we do in life. INCLUDING who we are romantically interested in. Itʼs ironic that we believe Godʼs opinion about our bodies with regard to sickness and disease ( the common belief is that He wants us healed) but we shun the thought, that God cares about who we choose to sleep with and make children with, both things that have to do with our bodies.
Typical theological inconsistencies common to the average Christian. When a Christian notices, there is an initial attraction or draw towards another person in a romantic tone, the next several weeks should be spent NOT just getting to know the person, but also getting to know Godʼs opinion about you joining in a covenant before Him with that person.
If marriage is to glorify God, the parties doing it should be concerned about that as well. Therefore, God has a WILL for who you should pursue, BUT it is ultimately your choice.
2. Christians, in their discovery and decision making about potential mates should NEVER consider unbelievers OR weak Christians as marriage potential!
Yes, you read right. Here is the thing, there are scriptural guidelines for believers who are married to non believers. God gives us frameworks for our decision making, but it DOESNT mean that itʼs His will for our lives, purpose and calling. The Bible is clear about Christians being unequally yoked. I think we should delve into what this means.
To be unequally yoked is obviously a matter of salvation, but has to ALSO be a matter of quality of Christian life. Christians who marry unbelievers are susceptible to to the same stresses, traumas, devastations and pointless cycles of pain when he marries an immature Christian.
We all know that a ʻprofession of faithʼ at an altar, is only the beginning of a person’s salvation process. Being fair, and balanced, I will say, if you are interested in a person who is not as mature spiritually as you are but you believe is the will of God, then the wisdom of God is to NOT marry until that person has demonstrated a commitment towards spiritual maturity.
Lets look in the scriptures;
1 Cor 7: 15
15. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
Why do you think this was Paul’s advice knowing that in marriage God HATES divorce? Acknowledging the right of every human being to make a DECISION to marry is present here, but clearly, Paul does not fight for endurance in a relationship that may take a turn for the worse! That says a lot Why? probably because it wasn’t beneficial to be married to such a one to begin with.
So, Marriage to an unbeliever or a weak christian is NOT sin! But it is NOT profitable for the Believer desiring to please and pursue God.
1 Cor 7: 39
In the context of rules regarding marriage amongst believers Paul says;
“39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; ONLY IN THE LORD”
Paul’s command was clearly that marriage be done ONLY in the Lord. If you think about it, what is Marriage or Dating without the Lord really WORTH? The answer for the spirit filled believer is….Not much. Some luck up, but not many.
Yes, you read right. Here is the thing, there are scriptural guidelines for believers who are married to non believers. God gives us frameworks for our decision making, but it DOESNT mean that itʼs His will for our lives, purpose and calling. The Bible is clear about Christians being unequally yoked. I think we should delve into what this means.
To be unequally yoked is obviously a matter of salvation, but has to ALSO be a matter of quality of Christian life. Christians who marry unbelievers are susceptible to to the same stresses, traumas, devastations and pointless cycles of pain when he marries an immature Christian.
We all know that a ʻprofession of faithʼ at an altar, is only the beginning of a person’s salvation process. Being fair, and balanced, I will say, if you are interested in a person who is not as mature spiritually as you are but you believe is the will of God, then the wisdom of God is to NOT marry until that person has demonstrated a commitment towards spiritual maturity.
Lets look in the scriptures;
1 Cor 7: 15
15. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
Why do you think this was Paul’s advice knowing that in marriage God HATES divorce? Acknowledging the right of every human being to make a DECISION to marry is present here, but clearly, Paul does not fight for endurance in a relationship that may take a turn for the worse! That says a lot Why? probably because it wasn’t beneficial to be married to such a one to begin with.
So, Marriage to an unbeliever or a weak christian is NOT sin! But it is NOT profitable for the Believer desiring to please and pursue God.
1 Cor 7: 39
In the context of rules regarding marriage amongst believers Paul says;
“39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; ONLY IN THE LORD”
Paul’s command was clearly that marriage be done ONLY in the Lord. If you think about it, what is Marriage or Dating without the Lord really WORTH? The answer for the spirit filled believer is….Not much. Some luck up, but not many.
Regarding a Weak Christian, being a suitable Mate, Well, the answer to that is in Paul’s use of the term YOKE.
2nd Corinthians 6:14; KJV
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
Paul establishes Marriage as a YOKE situation. We mainly get by with the unbeliever portion, but being true to text, we must look beyond the surface of this scripture. It is plainly impossible for believers to be equally yoked with unbelievers. Now, we must see if its possible to be unequally yoked with a believer; Well, lets let scripture interpret scripture.
The word YOKE is used by Paul in another text in Phillipians 4:3
“And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellow labourers, whose names are in the book of life”
In these scriptures the word YOKE, YOKE FELLOE and LABORER carry the same greek meanings. Let’s see;
Yoke; Greek ZYGOS-zygós – properly, a yoke; a wooden bar placed over the neck of a pair of animals so they can pull together; (figuratively) what unites (joins) two people to move (work) together as one. Or, unites two elements to work as one unit, like when two pans (weights) operate together on a balance-scale – or a pair of oxen pulling a single plough.]
The thought, YOKE is a WORK term. Paul is describing that we should be YOKED together with people who can WORK and PULL at the same strength level. So, to be unequally yoked, means to be have one partner with a tighter TIE than the other, OR one with a heavier WORK burden than the other. This is not referring to ministry, but SERVICE to the Lord.
Paul is communicating, that when Married, the work of the Lord or purpose of the Lord for a life should be priority. So the question is, can a WEAK Christian PULL at the same rate, speed and strength as a mature one? The answer…..You decide.
What’s the summary?
God has an opinion and preference for your romantic attraction.
He has designed a mate that will be pleasing to you. He hasn’t designed something that you wont like.
Marriage is YOUR decision 100% but can be influenced by more sources than God. As a devout Christian, this should concern you.
The point; Do what you want in your dating life, BUT expect pain, when it doesn’t include God’s WILL or WAY.
2nd Corinthians 6:14; KJV
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
Paul establishes Marriage as a YOKE situation. We mainly get by with the unbeliever portion, but being true to text, we must look beyond the surface of this scripture. It is plainly impossible for believers to be equally yoked with unbelievers. Now, we must see if its possible to be unequally yoked with a believer; Well, lets let scripture interpret scripture.
The word YOKE is used by Paul in another text in Phillipians 4:3
“And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellow labourers, whose names are in the book of life”
In these scriptures the word YOKE, YOKE FELLOE and LABORER carry the same greek meanings. Let’s see;
Yoke; Greek ZYGOS-zygós – properly, a yoke; a wooden bar placed over the neck of a pair of animals so they can pull together; (figuratively) what unites (joins) two people to move (work) together as one. Or, unites two elements to work as one unit, like when two pans (weights) operate together on a balance-scale – or a pair of oxen pulling a single plough.]
The thought, YOKE is a WORK term. Paul is describing that we should be YOKED together with people who can WORK and PULL at the same strength level. So, to be unequally yoked, means to be have one partner with a tighter TIE than the other, OR one with a heavier WORK burden than the other. This is not referring to ministry, but SERVICE to the Lord.
Paul is communicating, that when Married, the work of the Lord or purpose of the Lord for a life should be priority. So the question is, can a WEAK Christian PULL at the same rate, speed and strength as a mature one? The answer…..You decide.
What’s the summary?
God has an opinion and preference for your romantic attraction.
He has designed a mate that will be pleasing to you. He hasn’t designed something that you wont like.
Marriage is YOUR decision 100% but can be influenced by more sources than God. As a devout Christian, this should concern you.
The point; Do what you want in your dating life, BUT expect pain, when it doesn’t include God’s WILL or WAY.
God will HONOR your decision and commitment to the institution, but you and your children will have to LIVE with the consequences of choosing beneath your lane.
CHOOSE WISELY!!!!
Click here to read part 1!
CHOOSE WISELY!!!!
Click here to read part 1!
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