Whether you’ve been married five years or five minutes, maybe you’ve been noticing a few changes in your new life. Like how you don’t know how you feel about animated movies anymore (I still remember my wife’s face when I wanted to rent Despicable Me. Before we had kids.), or what kind of music “married folks” are supposed to like. I get it, and so do many, many, others.
Young married couples commonly feel like the “odd ones out.” It can sometimes feel like awkward adolescence all over again. Here are five common challenges of young marrieds. See how many you can relate to.
1. Friendships are very different. If you’re recently married and your best friends aren’t yet, there’s a definite change in your interactions. By no fault of their own, they’re not in your world yet. They don’t have to make decisions that will affect their families in the capacity that you do. You may remain extremely close, but there’s no denying that there’s another best friend in your life: your spouse. For this very reason, new marrieds are often extremely hungry to find couple friends. It’s not easy, but they’re out there. Put yourselves out there and amazing friendships are waiting for you and your spouse.
2. You have a hard time knowing where you fit within society. I can remember feeling extremely out of place when we first got married. Do I go to the men’s class or do we go to the young adults class? Do we eat with the young people or the “adults” during Thanksgiving dinner? As a young, inexperienced, fresh-faced husband, I didn’t quite feel like a man, yet I was no longer a boy. Accept that you’re adults now. Glean from other older married couples. Be patient with the transition.
3. You still miss your mama—a lot. The truth is, you probably miss everything about your childhood. It’s pretty normal to actually feel homesick as a newlywed couple. Give yourself time. You’re building a brand new family with a brand new flavor and a brand new culture. The good news is that you get to create the new culture of your brand new family! So whether your childhood was good or bad, you and your spouse get to start something fresh.
4. Sometimes you feel like you’re making it up as you go. The books and premarital counseling really helped, but this is no dress rehearsal, this is it! You’re on! Your wife cries, guess who has to be her support? You! Your husband feels like a failure. Who has to be the one to build him up? You guessed it: you. And that can be scary, can’t it? I don’t know anyone who begins marriage as an expert. Marriage is a journey. Why do you think thousands upon thousands of books have been written about marriage? Because marriage is a massive mountain that has taken many couples many, many years to scale. Keep your foundation on Christ, with a devotion to one another and you will see the fog begin to clear in your marriage journey.
5. You’re actually pretty scared. The future is so uncertain and many young couples don’t commit to marriage because of the fear of the unknown. Like Joyce Meyer says, “Do it afraid.” Marriage is a very courageous endeavor. You know why? Because you’re loving In the dark. There’s no illuminated pathway. Your journey will be different than others. You’ll have challenges unique to your marriage, but remember: He has overcome the world. Love one another. Go all in. You’re writing a beautiful story together.
