Month: July 2016

Categories
Single

Your Future Husband Is a Real Person: 3 Areas to Pray for Him

by Kay King
I don’t know about you, but I know God has someone out here for me. Someone he has molded specifically for me. Someone for me to do life and destiny with.
Even after being single for 6 years, I still believe that. Up until last year I would just sit around and wait, until I came across a prayer challenge where they were praying for their future husbands.
It made so much sense, why do I need to wait until I’m married to start praying like a wife? My future husband needs covering now.
So I joined the challenge and even after the challenge ended,  I continue to pray.
Here’s 3 areas in which you can use to start your own prayer challenge for your future husband.
 
 

1. His relationship with Christ

We know that the Lord is the center of it all and He will certainly be the center of my marriage. So I pray prayers regarding my future husband’s spiritual maturity. I pray that he understands how our marriage should be a reflection of Christ and the Church. I also pray that through his relationship with Christ,  he learns how to be an effective leader. I pray that my future husband’s heart is aligned with Christ. It’s so important that he knows Christ and that he puts his relationship with Christ first.
Sample prayer: Lord, I pray that my future husband is committed to his relationship with you. I pray that each and every day he is maturing and growing in wisdom in all areas of his life. I pray that he is fervently studying your word and putting your word to action. Lord guide him in all truth and knowledge and help him to learn how to lead like you. Align his heart with yours so that he is able to take on your mindset concerning marriage and family. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

2. Purity

This is a huge one. We live in a world where it’s so easy to get exposed to sex, so I pray for my future husbands ear gates and eye gates. I know that wherever he turns he will likely see something sexual, so it’s important to pray his strength in this area. I even pray about his previous relationships and that he has been delivered and healed. I also know that the Jezebel spirit is real, so I always make sure I pray against that controlling and manipulating spirit. I pray that he is committed to pleasing God in this area because I know it takes a strong man to stand on the side of what’s right.
Sample prayer: Lord, I know that there is much out here today that can cause a man to fall into temptation so I am praying today that my future husband’s eyes be set on you. I pray that he has made the choice to honor you with his body and that he is focused on keeping his promise. I pray against every Jezebel spirit that would try to control and manipulate him into making choices that wouldn’t please you. Give him strength in this area. I ask that every soul tie be broken in the name of Jesus and that no residue be left from previous relationships. I pray that he be healed and delivered. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

3. Identity

It’s so important that your future husband understand who he is, not only as a man but as a man of God. When a man lacks identity, he lacks purpose and if he lacks purpose then he doesn’t need a help meet (a wife). So I pray for my husband’s identity, I pray that he finds who he is in and through Christ. I always pray against generational curses and word curses. It’s tough out here to be a man. Everyone has an idea of who and what you should be, but I pray daily that He seeks the Lord regarding his identity. I pray that he has the endurance to continue to strive for his purpose and passion. I also pray that he enters into the fullness of who God called him to be.
Sample prayer: Lord, I know that my future husband is under constant attack concerning the area of his purpose. I know the devil would love nothing more than for him to just give up but today I pray against every attack that would come his way. I pray against every word curse that has been spoken over his life contrary to what You have said and called him to be. Help him to recognize generational curses in his bloodline, so that he may confront them and break them. I pray continuously that he be the strong leader that You’ve made him to be. I pray that he seeks you more than ever and that with every encounter, he’s refreshed and able to endure what comes. I pray that he comes into the fullness of who you have called him to be and that even when he stumbles, he will humble himself and get back up. I know he’s going to be an amazing husband because he has such an amazing example, You. I thank you in advance. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
It’s important to cover your husband in prayer. Why not get an early start? Husbands have a great deal of weight on their shoulders and it’s important that you show him that you have his back. The best way to show that is to be a praying wife.
So stop praying for a husband and start praying specific prayers for YOUR husband.
I would love to hear from you and what prayers you are praying. Follow my blog Single Woman’s Diary on WordPress and Follow me on Facebook.

Categories
Communication Marriage

If Your Wife Feels Disconnected From You Then Quickly Do These Three Things

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How long does it take to disconnect your TV from the wall?  1 second to unplug it.

How long does it take to have your wife feel connected to you? Depends on how long you have been disconnected.
If you feel that there is a gap in your relationship or you have heard the following from your wife:
“I wish we spent more time together.”
“We haven’t talked in a while.”
Or “I feel disconnected from you.”
You need to quickly do the following 3 things to bring a strong connection back to the relationship.
1. Unplug from all media
If your wife feels disconnected from you, it probably means that you are connected to something else. You might need to unplug from TV so you can begin reconnecting with your wife. You might need to disconnect from your phone more. Don’t allow electronic devices to take away from your ability to connect with her. They are helpful at times, but most often they contribute to a disconnect.
2. Binge-wifing
In college, I remember people (i.e. me) binge-watching movies all night. We could watch all the Rocky movies in 9 or 10 hours.  Today, people could binge-watch the Hobbit/Lord of the Rings or the latest Marvel movies.  What would happen if you took a significant amount of time to re-invest your heart and mind in your wife?
This is what I mean by binge-wifing (yea, I just created that nonsensical word when I was writing this post). You can quickly reconnect with your wife by laughing, reminiscing, and sharing memories of the past and visions of the future. Instead of spending hours watching movies, you could spend hours reconnecting with your wife. Here are some ways to do this:

  • Go to a marriage conference
  • Play board games
  • Watch her favorite movies together.
  • Go on a walk with her every night together.
  • Pray with her before work begins or before bed.

3. Apologize to her and change
Admit you have allowed the disconnecting. Tell her you are sorry for this and are making changes to your role in the relationship. Tell her that you are wanting more accountability from her if she sees you connecting to other things more than you are with her. Be contrite. Be sincere. And then start connecting. You can do this!
Question: What do you do to make sure you stay connected to your wife?

Categories
Home Marriage

20 Signs That Your Relationship is Healthy

One thing that I always say is that marriage is a living organism, if you prune it and water it, it will grow. There are ways to make sure that not only is each person in the relationship is healthy, but to make sure the whole relationship or marriage is healthy. These clues can be used to assess not only romantic relationships but friendships.

  1. Both parties can give 3 reasons how the other person has improved their life.
  2. Both parties feel like they can be themselves in the relationship.
  3. There is no fear when it comes to communication even if the topics are hard.
  4. There are no major secrets that are hidden from one of the parties.
  5. Both parties encourage and support the each other’s dreams.
  6. Both parties propel each other to walk in righteousness and integrity.
  7. Both parties feel understood and loved by the other person.
  8. Both Parties go the extra mile to show the other person they love them.
  9. Both parties serve each other.
  10. Both parties respect and honor each other in front of other people.
  11. Both parties respect the union(if married) keeping the marriage bed pure. The are not involved in sexually deviant behavior (pornography, affairs, deviant sex).
  12. Both Parties do not let the other settle for mediocrity, but pushes the other to be the best.
  13. Both parties create a space for their mate to be themselves.
  14. Both parties enjoy free time away from their partner.
  15. Both parties have clear and healthy boundaries in the relationship.
  16. Both parties enjoying laughing together.
  17. As a couple, you have things you do together that are “your” things.
  18. Both parties easily forgive and do not hold grudges.
  19. Both parties have clarity on the direction of the relationships and expectations.
  20. Both parties are committed to working out any challenges or difficulties that may arise.

Categories
Marriage Single

There's No Point In Getting Married

Pensive girl. Looking through the window. Holding mobile. Thinking what to do. Great light caming from the window.
“There’s no point in getting married.” I can’t begin to express how many times I’ve heard this sentiment from my single friends. “All married people do is argue, fight, and talk about how it’s the most difficult journey they’ve ever embarked upon. So if that’s what I have to look forward to, then what’s the point”?
It wasn’t until I began to truly evaluate what my friends were saying that I was hit with a blaring truth. The majority of us married people don’t paint the best picture of marriage for someone that someday aspires to build a happy and healthy marriage.
We’re all guilty of it. Just recently, I found myself attempting to help my younger brother by letting him know how much work a marriage is. The fact of the matter is, that statement is true! Marriage is very hard work, but that’s only a part of the story. With this in mind, I wanted to paint a better more complete picture for all of my single brothers and sisters out there that aspire to someday build a special marriage so that you don’t give up on the idea of finding that special someone to tie the knot with.
I like to think of marriage as a permanent sleepover with your best friend. Just like any relationship, it won’t always be peaches and cream. Some days, there will be some speeches and screams. Anytime you merge two individuals from many various backgrounds, each with their own set of ideals, habits, and customs, there will be a period of time it takes to get on the same page. The key to building anything is to start with a solid foundation!
The same is true for your marriage. You must start by intentionally building the foundation centered upon truth, love, patience, understanding, kindness, honesty, open communication, and the love of Christ into your marriage. This is the “work” part that all of your married friends and family are always talking about, and truth be told, they’re not lying when they say it’s not easy.
However, once you and your mate establish that you’re in this together and you’re committed to always work together and pull in the same direction, the payoff for your work is far greater than anything you could ever imagine.
You gain real true unconditional love.
You gain safety when you lonely and afraid.
When you can’t sleep late at night because all off the cares and worries that present themselves in life, you gain someone to hold you close and provide comfort.
You gain a friend with will cover you with prayer constantly!
You gain someone to live a life of worship with!
You gain someone to share your home and refuge from the world with.
You gain someone to smile with, laugh with, cry with, share milestone moments with, build a family with, and more than anything, you learn what grace and mercy are all about through a real friend who’s there for you no matter what happens in this life.
So, the next time you hear your married friends talking about how difficult marriage is, remember these three things and be encouraged:
1)They’re only trying to let you know to prepare yourself for the great work that is to come
2)The work you put in will yield many of your life’s greatest joys, triumphs, and accomplishments
3)Nothing worth having comes without work and great sacrifice!

Categories
Communication Marriage Physical Intimacy Spiritual Intimacy

4 Ways to Wear Love in Marriage

The word “love” is so misused today that it has lost it true meaning.
Even in marriages, sometimes couples use the word “love” in a casual manner. It is important to consider what love actually means and how we show love in marriage God’s way. The love that God desires in marriage is seen in Colossians 3:14, where it says “the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us together in perfect harmony.” We are to put love on as a daily garment in our marriage. But what does it mean to “put on love and to wear it on purpose?”
Reading the Message version of Ephesians 5:1-2 has taught me about how to love Christ’s way. Here is what it says: “Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.”
In marriage, I’ve learned a very important lesson about putting on love with my husband. When I limit love to just an emotion, my love for him becomes a love that is unsteady and changeable. In light of Ephesians 5:1-2, when I put on my love and wear it daily, my love for my husband takes on a lifelong pursuit of following Jesus’ example of extravagant, selfless, and intimate love.
To wear love well, here are 4 ways that I have learned to love my husband:

  1. Saying “I love you” daily. Don’t take for granted that your spouse knows that you love them. Regularly taking the time to tell your husband or wife these three words will show them how much you love and adore them. Hold hands and hug regularly. Give public praise and brag on them in front of others shows that you love and respect them.
  2. Choose to serve and make sacrifices for your spouse. Honor your spouse by going to see a movie or visiting a restaurant that they prefer. Serve them breakfast in bed or do a chore that they would normally do to express your love and appreciation for them.
  3. Write a love letter. A handwritten love letter expressing your love out of the blue can open up wells of intimacy and pursuit in your relationship.
  4. Listen well. Making eye contact, while being compassionate and empathetic, communicates that you love and care about your husband or wife’s well being.

These 4 ways are only a starting point. Think creatively for your marriage to find ways to wear your love daily. Wearing love daily, like how Jesus loves us, is a complete game changer for marriage. Try it…it works!
 

Categories
Home Marriage Parenting

The 7 Words Every Pregnant Wife Needs to Hear from Her Husband

Pregnant Woman And Husband Having Breakfast In Kitchen

 
Children are a true blessing from the Lord, and bring so much joy to your lives. But, the process by which they come into the World is nothing short of God’s grace and mercy. The journey of pregnancy is different for every expecting mom, and having the support of family and friends means the World to them. We learned so much during our first pregnancy that our second one has gone by so quickly with the amount of fun we’ve been having. One thing I learned in particular was the words my wife needs to hear in order to reassure her during the journey of bringing a tiny human into this World.
 
 
1. I LOVE everything about you.
The one thing you can count on during pregnancy is a lot of change. Change in schedules, change in pace of life, and also change in your wife’s body. It is during this time that she needs to hear you say and be reassured that you love everything about her. I had to train myself to tell my wife everyday that I loved everything about her.
2. You are so BEAUTIFUL to me.
There will be times when your wife just doesn’t feel or look like herself. She will need to hear the word beautiful from your mouth so she can believe it for herself. Pregnancy is very beautiful, but for women it can make them feel the total opposite.
3. I am GRATEFUL for everything you do for our family.
The downfall of pregnancy is you will see your wife make faces, different types of noises, and possibly get called some hurtful names. But, the thing is you can’t feel her pain or the discomfort she is going through. This is when you must remind her how grateful you are for her and all she is doing to bring your children into this world. The spirit of gratitude has a way to make challenging times worth it.
4. How can I HELP you?
You will need to ask her this everyday especially going into the 3rd trimester. She will be very limited in her mobility and the most simple of tasks will now become challenging for her. She needs to know that you are there to help her which speaks LOUDER than any others words you may say.
5. Lets PRAY together.
I’ve learned there are some things I just can’t do for my wife that only God can. When we take time to pray together it really does help us to come back to the central purpose of why we are doing what we do. It helps us to connect with the baby that is brewing in the oven. But, most importantly we put our trust in God to continue to help us in areas we can’t help ourselves. Prayer is a POWERFUL tool that you has the husband need to make sure you’re making time for each day.
6. Do you need a MASSAGE?
This right here is the golden ticket to glory. If I had a penny for every time my wife mentioned how much her feet, back, and every other body part hurt then I would be a rich man. This is your indicator to offer up a massage to her.
7. I will COOK dinner.
Now, if you don’t know how to cook then this is a great time to learn. I guarantee the amount of brownie points you get when you offer to cook dinner and CLEAN up after yourself is ridiculous. Remember she is only pregnant for 9 months, so this season won’t last forever. Challenge yourself out of your norm and ask the Lord for grace to help you do something different. Serving your wife in this way shows a tremendous sign of support, concern, and understanding of what she is going through.
Pregnancy is such an amazing journey and it’s all worth it when your bundle of joy comes into this world. At times your wife will feel alone with carrying your child, but it’s then that you much assist her so she knows that it’s a team effort.  This will make the pregnancy much more enjoyable for her and yourself. You got this!
 

Categories
Marriage

What I Learned From a 70 Year Marriage

Paar Senioren pustet gemeinsam auf eine Pusteblume im Sommer

When you think marriage what’s the first word that comes to mind? I believe it’s safe to say for many the word “hard” would be their first thought. Today’s startling statistics related to divorce would certainly support the fact that marriage has been hard for many couples. No statistic is needed to see that there are few positive examples of long-lasting marriages anymore. I’ve never actually seen one for myself until recently.
Last month I had a refreshing conversation with a couple who are approaching their 70th year wedding anniversary this coming Christmas. Mr. Lawrence McElvaine still has his Christmas present since 1946, his lovely wife Mrs. Rosie McElvaine. The couple met in church when they were just teenagers at 14 and 15 years old, now both approaching 90 years old, they are still able to laugh and joke around together. When asked, does the romance have to die?” Their daughter quickly interjected, “NO, they are still lovie dovie.”  
Technically still being a newlywed myself, I was excited to pry and figure out their secret sauce. How is it that this couple is still able to stay together and have fun after 70 years, when couples are getting divorced every 10 to 13 seconds (by the time you finish reading this post, at least 10 couples have divorced)? I was expecting some deep and surprising answers as I inquired about their journey but the McElvaines responses were quite simple, yet profound. What I learned was that:
1.Marriage doesn’t have to be hard: The ingredients for a successful marriage is simply two compatible people. “Marriage isn’t hard, the hardest part is finding the right person to marry,” Mr. McElvaine said. Simple but it makes a lot of sense, right? Of course there will be challenges but if you’re with the right person you’ll be able to get through them. Divorce was never a thought for the McElvaines. Even through the hardest season of their marriage, Rosie spent her time in prayer. She didn’t complain or contemplate divorce but she cast her cares on the Lord.
I don’t believe society today takes marriage as serious as it really is. Are we thinking through the decision on who we marry as thoroughly as we should? Or do most ignore the red flags? Do we take into account the consequences of what being unequally yoked with someone would really be like?
2.God’s way still works. As much as I love the idea of change, growth, and individualism, God’s design for marriage is key to a successful marriage. The McElvaine’s may appear traditional to some but the truth is that they simply followed God’s order. Seeing that God’s word is eternal they couldn’t go wrong. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?
Both Lawrence and Rosie served their homes in the way God recommends through scripture. Lawrence was proud to say he was able to financially provide and support his home and family. His wife Rosie enjoyed being a stay-at-home wife and mother. She managed the home and sought after their needs. Rosie reminded me in many ways of the Proverbs 31 woman. She loves God, is praised by her husband and children and she managed her home successfully.
3. Have fun. The overall theme throughout my interview with the McElvaines was to have fun. There were several times Mr. McElvaine would say, “we had fun together.”
 
After leaving their home I had an enlightened perspective of marriage as a ministry. I was encouraged and motivated to serve my family, plus have more fun with my husband.

Categories
Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

The DNA of a Husband's Leadership

Few Scriptures have provoked more push-back from the world like Ephesians 5:22 which says, “Wives, submit to your husbands.” If you want to stir “a woman scorned” to an hour long tirade, mention this verse. If you want to send forth a rallying cry to manipulators and controllers, to rend marriage into madness, mention this verse.
Many have abused this principle and oppressed the woman’s role in marriage, which has had some horrific ramifications. I have seen husbands use this verse to control their wives, by attaching a “thus saith the Lord” prefix to whatever carnal desires are swirling around in their misguided heads.
Why, oh why does Paul even mention this? If it could potentially do so much damage, cause so much division, and stir so much confusion, what is the problem? This is actually a very beautiful verse. Context, friends, context. After charging the church to “submit to one another,” Paul specifically mentions wives to submit to their husbands. Why? Because he is talking to Christian husbands who will lead and love their wives, as Christ led and loved the Church; it is a two-way street of a wife agreeing to step into her husband’s covering, while the husband, in turn, agrees to cover. I didn’t say smother, and neither did Paul.
Let me clear up some misconceptions about a husband’s leadership.
Ephesians 5 describes a Jesus Who loves and sanctifies His own bride. Paul then relates loving one’s wife to loving one’s own body: nourish, protect, cherish. (Eph. 5:29)
1. Nourish. To nourish means “to nurture to growth.” What would happen if husbands worldwide intentionally fostered spiritual and emotional growth in their wives? Husbands should be incubators for their wives to flourish to be all that God designed them to be! God created a husband’s leadership to bring life. Newsflash: wives have a destiny in Christ, too. Husbands, champion your wife’s growth in Christ, and her purpose in the Kingdom!
2.  Protect. The Latin prefix “pro” means “toward,” while “tect” means cover. As we naturally protect (cover toward) our heads when a book falls off the shelf, I hope I have the same reflexive action to cover my wife when she’s in harm’s way. I experienced this a few years ago when someone verbally attacked my wife in my presence. I felt righteous anger rise up in me and I physically stood up, in front of my wife, and said, “Enough.” Funny how my instinct was to stand in front of her, because my intent was to shield her from danger. Husbands’ leadership in front is to shield their wives and children from oncoming attacks.
3. Cherish. When you cherish someone, you see that person as a precious, priceless treasure. Christ cherished and valued His Bride enough to pour out His blood on her behalf. Hebrews 12:2 says that Jesus “for the prize set before Him” suffered and died on that cross. You were that prize. I was that prize. A husband’s leadership role in his marriage calls him to cherish, value, treasure, adore his wife over all others.
The abuse of Scripture grieves me, but this one especially. What was always intended to be living, vibrant portrait of joyous marriage has been undermined and misapplied. Yes, Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands, but husbands also better be submitted (Eph. 5:21,23). If a man looks at this verse and sees permission for manipulation and emotional and/or spiritual abuse, he is blind and deceived. But nourishing, protecting, and cherishing? That’s a husband that wives want to stand beside.

Categories
Finances

How Lebron James Became a Mogul

Close-up of a hand of basketball player holding a ball against black background.
by Joy Harris
There was a lot of talk this playoff season about whether or not LeBron James would actually get Cleveland a ring. While the debate is interesting, his role as a businessman was even more interesting to me, in part, because not all ball players get to this level.
Sure, they have tons or talent and want to run successful businesses, but for some reason they never break through the glass ceiling.
What made LeBron James different?
He focused on and continues to focus on his dimes.
Dimes are what you need to collect in order to achieve your dollar (your next level). Dimes seem minor, but they contribute to your end goal. If you master them, the dimes get you the bigger opportunities.
LeBron James worked hard in high school.  Now that he’s in the NBA, look what he’s doing on his days off (see youtube clip below 19:42-22:36):
https://youtu.be/wQWmRIHavC8
LeBron practiced practicing when he was in high school.  This dime, which is now a habit, elevated him to the land of business.
The same thing applies to you.  You may feel stuck, and want to get to the next level by any means necessary.  You may be frustrated at the fact that you’re over 25, and still working at a job you’re not passionate about, instead of being a mogul.
You’re focusing on learning about, mastering and launching a business; but so much focus on the end is causing you to overlook your dimes.  Your dimes are the things you need to work on now in order to open the door for the business life you want.
So if LeBron’s dime is foul shots, what’s your dime?
What do you know to do?
Have you been putting off making a schedule?
Have your exercise goals been all talk?
Have you paid off your credit card?
Have you figured out how to give quality time to your spouse, children, and your business?
These small behavior changes don’t seem like keys to your business, but they build the knowledge, discipline and consistency you need.
 
Dr. Dennis Kimbro did a study analyzing the traits successful people had in common.
He found that consistent practice was a major factor to their success.  More importantly, they developed and built this character trait long before they became famous.
Once you master the little things, including your finances and family, you can use them to propel you forward in other areas.
Look at this commercial:
https://youtu.be/apXXysLDW5I
It’s true, your successful business and amazing life is the sum of mastering your dimes.

Categories
Single

The Problem With Situationships

You’re seeing this person, you’re not in a relationship, but you do relationship things. Your heart is attached, but there is no commitment.  You dream of a future but they constantly remind you, there is none. WHY, oh Why do you do this to yourself?
 
As for me, my situationship brought forth comfort. If I couldn’t be in a relationship, why not be in a pretend relationship? Why not get a free meal, free cuddle time, and enjoy the company of another. It was harmless, or so I thought. It wasn’t until my heart was fully invested that I realized the harm this “situationship” was about to present. What started as lots of fun, ended in tears and heartache.
 
I thought I could eventually win his heart, making him love me the way I loved him. That was, until he made it extremely clear that he would leave me if his dream girl crossed his path. I wish someone had shared with me the one simple, yet HUGE, problem with “situationships”.
 
So, what’s the problem? Truth be told, “situationships” are mirages, they are counterfeit experiences and will ultimately cause more problems! It’s presented as the ultimate prize, when it’s intrinsic value doesn’t even come close!
 
I’ll never forget being in a service and the preacher said, the enemy waits for an opportune time, just like he did Jesus. Remember after Jesus fasted for 40 days and 40 nights, the devil attempted to present Jesus with what appeared to be all of earth’s kingdoms. In exchange, all he had to do was bow down to the devil. Of course Jesus sent him on his way.
 
Unlike Jesus, those of us who find ourselves in “situationships” give in to the temptation. We’ll settle for what’s being offered to us, with no consideration of the future. Though Jesus was tempted, he stayed the course, resulting in him fulfilling his purpose and being worshiped by all nations, (psalms 66:4); the very thing the enemy promised. Truth is, the enemy knows our future and does his best to hinder us from reaching it. He knew who Jesus would be to all the earth and TRIED to deter him from it. Yep he tried it, and if he tried it with Jesus, he’ll try it with you!
 
Don’t give up the real for the mirage aka a “situationship”. Your future and those attached to your obedience depends on your ability to move beyond what the enemy presents. Be encouraged, and remember nothing fake can ever produce anything real. Wait on the real deal! Know if you are being presented with the mirage, the real thing MUST BE AMAZING and then some!!!!!