Month: March 2014

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Engaged Finances Marriage Parenting

When the Favor God Promised in Marriage is Tested

As I was spending time with God a few weeks ago, I was lead to write in my journal.  When I began to write I hear the Holy Spirit say that the next 3 months would be very pivotal months of our marriage because God is preparing us for greater level of exposure and increase.  Yes, I got very excited at the thought of productivity and more opportunities, but not at all did I consider what needed to happen in order to make us ready for it.  I sit down with Natasha and discuss with her what I believe God had spoken to me.  She agreed for us to begin to prepare every area of our life for increase, which includes: time management, finances, relationship with Jesus, and relationships with others.
 
As we moved into the month of February, a domino effect of events began to occur from my car breaking down costing us $700.00 to fix, which thank God we had a emergency fund to cover that.  Then, the next week I get a call regarding a financial situation that hadn’t been taken care of that now was costing us over $1,500.00.  At this moment I was like, “Really God?”  As a husband, I stand on Proverbs 18:22 which states, “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord”. I know many quote this, but I stand on it as a promise from God.  Well, that verse had me scratching my head saying, “Where’s that favor at?”
 
Marriage is under attack in the body of Christ for a reason, and I believe its because the enemy knows the greatest display of the work and love of Christ towards His people is found in a God centered marriage! God desires to bless those who enter into this covenant, which we agree that anything God puts favor upon, testing will follow.  We had to adjust our spending drastically to make up for the set back. This caused Natasha and I to turn to God to get His perspective, as we knew these situations were testing our faith in God’s ability to turn this thing for His good.  As we set our hearts to trust Him during this trial God has strengthen our dependency on Him.   Our times of prayer together has erupted something within us towards one another causing a recommitment to love one another no matter the circumstance.
 
I want to encourage you whether you are a husband or wife in the middle of a moment where you don’t understand why it’s happening, but you trust God to turn it for your good. Do not be dismayed and allow this season to discourage you ultimately affecting you, your spouse, and your family. Be strong in the Lord and declare His goodness is better than any earthly trial or gain. As we go through we are praying for YOU to make it through with us.
trials < Jesus

 Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.”

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Physical Intimacy

Ask Dr. Faith |8 Spiritual Red Flags To Look For In A Relationship

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage Physical Intimacy

5 Quick Ways to Jumpstart to a Healthy Lifestyle

Many times I paid to write articles hear people say, ” I can’t afford to buy whole/organic foods” or “I don’t have enough time to work out and get fit/healthy.”

I know in this part of the Western World, eating unhealthy foods and skipping the gym is so much easier and convenient, but I promise you: the hospital bills, the medicine script, the exhausted and overworked body and ultimately the sickness is WAY more expensive than taking steps to living in wholeness NOW.

Here’s a great way to start:

1.

Recruit help!

Bring a friend in on your choice to live healthy and stay accountable!

cheap price cialis

It’s so much easier and way more fun to do it with someone else.

 

2. Get educated!

Watch a documentary: Food Matters, Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead, or Forks over Knives are great Netflix movies!

 

3. Make some changes!

Cut something out (soda, fast food, eating late) and replace it with something else (water, home-cooked meal, veggie snack).

 

4. Discipline your body!

Sign up to the gym, a cross fit class, a home workout routine, running, biking… whatever! Do something that will burn fat, release endorphins and make you feel good about yourself!

 

5. Love yourself:

Value your body enough to give it what it needs to work properly! This is going to make you a healthy, happy you! You are worth the investment! Don’t just settle for what McDonalds offers you! Your body needs nutrients! So give it what it needs to be healthy!

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Dating/Courting Home

3 Things Single Men Need to Get

Whether you’re in your 20’s or 30’s…the concept of marriage is all around you and staring you right in the face. But there are some very important keys that we need to be mindful of when on the brink of, frankly, the most important decision you’ll ever make outside of your commitment to Jesus Christ. And rather than take you through all of the things you “should look for” in the opposite sex…(Because I have yet to lay hold to the promise myself)…I believe it would be more beneficial for us to discuss the stuff that helps us become  SUCCESSFUL Unmarried Men while on our Journey to Marriage.
1. Get Committed – Unmarried Doesn’t Mean Uncommitted!
Oftentimes, when people find out that I’m 29 years old and Unmarried, they attribute my singleness to the fact that I must be either Scared or Fearful of Commitment. However, this is not the case! Jesus teaches us that Commitment is a CHIEF principle of the Kingdom in Matthew 22:37 when he says, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is a RELATIONAL commitment to God that requires EVERYTHING of you. Your Heart, Mind and Soul represent the innermost parts of yourself being devoted to God. But another type of commitment is addressed in Luke 14:27 which says,  “Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.”In other words, each man has a responsibility to ‘bear his own cross’ as a LIFESTYLE in order that we may prove to be worthy disciples.From this, we understand that Commitment stems from Responsibility and that Commitment isn’t only Relationship oriented but LIFESTYLE oriented. I know that you’re not married yet and probably submitting your applications to be the next “BACHELOR”, but you can’t skip over the principle that a Man with no Commitment, isn’t a Man of the Kingdom. Push yourself to have a Positive daily regiment or routine that you are FULLY and CONSISTENTLY Committed to. Whether it be Bible Readings, The Gym, or Mentorship…develop and maintain it to the best of your ability.
The truth is, My commitment to Christ and the things of God are what has kept me from venturing into relationships that were unhealthy for me and that same commitment will ultimately lead me into the proper relationship that God has ordained for my life. Unmarried doesn’t mean Uncommitted!
2. Get Educated – Unmarried doesn’t mean Uneducated!
One of the healthiest things an Unmarried Man can do, is hang around Married men. If you want to remain single, keep hanging around single men…why?…because you Become what you Behold. I understand you have your ‘boys’ and your single male friends that you chill with and that’s all well and good. But if you remain in an environment and a mindset of Singleness, you will never understand what it takes to be Married. If I’m Broke, the LAST thing I want to do is hang around other Broke people! I need to add someone to my life who can help me become who I want to become. A dear Pastor friend of mine by the name of Steven Sexton said this to me recently, “You’ve spent your ENTIRE LIFE being a Single man, but very little of what you’ve learned will be taken into the Next stage of your life because it is altogether ENTIRELY DIFFERENT.”  Every unmarried man needs a Married brother in their life who they can approach with the vital questions that will help educate them on the next step. The more Educated you feel about something, the more prepared you are; And the more prepared you are, the more comfortable you become! Unmarried doesn’t mean Uneducated!
3.  Get Happy – Unmarried Doesn’t Mean Unhappy!
Oftentimes, we encourage our Youth with words of wisdom such as, “Don’t grow up to fast!” However, when it comes to our own lives as Young Adults we are pressured into moving quickly into Marriage relationships…ESPECIALLY IN THE CHURCH! And when we see many of our peers finding their spouses, we can become discouraged, jealous, and even fearful of if we will be able to share in the same experience one day. I’ve come find out that your “Singleness” is a GIFT from God that can be used strategically to impact the Kingdom. But you will miss out on this impact if you are misguided by the pressures of the culture around us. Psychology Today produced an article entitled, “6 Reasons You Should Spend More Time Alone”. I usually don’t cosign a lot of secular methodology, but this is a really good read. It is scientifically proven that Solitude can do everything from Increasing Concentration to Enhancing The Quality of Relationships. As a matter of fact, Jesus found several moments to slip away from crowds and even His disciples to get alone with Himself and the Father. And Matthew 6:6 reiterates this when it says, “But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in Secret will reward you.” This is because who you Really are isn’t as much who you portray in public, as it is who you find behind closed doors. Most people discover more rewarding lives when they can approach life from a place of fully understanding themselves and their purpose.
Spend some time alone seeking the Lord on the kind of man that He desires you to be and the purposes He’s designed for you to complete. I can honestly say that in my own life, I have found the GREATEST REWARD to be walking wholly in the will of God. There is a sense of Satisfaction, Contentment and Unspeakable JOY that is reserved for those who are found in Christ…YOU ARE LOVED! Unmarried doesn’t mean Unhappy!
Currently Playing: “Happy” by Pharrell<

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Finances Home Marriage Parenting

2 Things That Will Make Your Marriage Thrive

Do you know that the decisions you make today will affect your future as well as the future of your offspring? This does not just relate to married couples, but to the engaged and unmarried as well.  I am learning on a whole other level the power of prayer and planning! Prayer and planning has been key for me during this new season of marriage. Before I said I do, and even after I remember women from every age and background were telling me how essential prayer would be to my marriage and family. 

1. What should I pray about? 
Pray for your husband of course, but don’t stop there. Pray over your household’s finances, your job, extended family and your children whether born or unborn. God hears your prayers. He is a God who lives in the future! He loves talking about the future with you and enjoys the process in which you discover those plans through prayer and quiet time with Him. As you are faithful I’m praying, watch the temperature and presence of your home exude love, peace and joy! Yes. You have the ability to be a conduit in which God will use to bless your house now and the houses of your offspring.
2. What do I need to plan? 
It says In the word of God for us to write the vision and make it plain, so that whoever reads it may run with it and understand for it will be released at an appointed time. (Habakuk 2:2)  Planning and casting vision for your future as well as your family’s is something I believe every woman should partake in.  I’m learning that absolutely nothing is too big for God! Create a vision board, journal it or discuss with your spouse your plans and vision for the future and watch God bless you beyond your wildest dreams.
At the end of the day it is not about you. It’s about those who are before you and those who will follow after you. Pray over them now and cast vision over your life and the lives of your family. You have the power to change, rearrange and restore with your prayers, words and vision!

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Single

4 Benefits To Waiting Until Marriage To Have Sex

 

A popular pastor that I follow quotes that sex can be considered 3 things, “gross, god, or a gift.” I believe this to be very true in our day due to how sex is overrated outside of marriage and underrated within marriage.  It is gross to those that have been taught their entire life that sex is bad and will cause people to look at you differently.  For some it can be made a god if its not taught on biblically from God’s original intent.  But, it is God’s purpose for sex to be seen as a gift.  Sex is a gift to be shared with your spouse within the confines of marriage.   My wife and I by the grace of God were both virgins at the moment of saying, “I Do”, to one another on our wedding day.

Here are 4 benefits of waiting until marriage to have sex.

1. Keeps God at the center of your relationship
Honoring God in our relationship was my wife and I’s supreme goal and saying no to sex made that goal easily accomplishable. God is the inventor of marriage, which means you need Him in your marriage in order to have a healthy one.  The stages before you say “I Do’ are the most crucial for laying a solid foundation for your marriage.  Establishing a no sex boundary will keep you focused on the important aspects of a courting relationship.  Yes, the desire to have sex will come, but with God you will be able to have the strength to resist temptation.  Trusting God in your relationship will help you to make a confident decision when you feel that person may be the one you desire to marry.
 2. Learn how to talk it out before you walk it out
Communication has always been and will always be one of the key components of a healthy relationship.  My wife and I had a long distance relationship so majority of our time spent before marriage was over Skype or on the phone.  It was one of the hardest things I had ever done, but it was so worth it.  We really learned each other on so many levels, and when we did see one another the boundaries we had set in place kept us focused on enjoying one another communicatively versus physically.  Early sexual satisfaction in a relationship delays you from discovering key areas of the relationship such as ability to commit, compatibility, and agreement on future goals.
 3. Protects you from being attached before you say “I Do”.
There are only a few things that can attach you to someone for the rest of your life and two of those is a child together and sex. Children are a blessing from the Lord, but can also be a challenge to raise in hard circumstances.  Protect yourself from this by agreeing to wait until marriage to have sex. Another attachment that can form through sexual activity is a soul tie.  Sex was created by God to tie that couple together forever, but when done outside of marriage the same effect happens.  But, now it’s an illegitimate tie versus a covenantal tie.  Sex outside of marriage may feel good in that moment, but thats all you will be left with after that night is over.  If the relationship doesn’t work out, then breaking it off will be much easier if there hasn’t been a spiritual soul tie through sex.
 4. Incomparable sex within marriage.
You can guarantee that if you abstain from having sex during your courting stage that the value you place upon one another will last your entire life.  This value adds volumes to your sex life in marriage. Study shows that those that wait to have sex are happier in the long run. I do not look at my wife like a piece of meat, but a treasure worth being handled with tender care.  I proved that to her by denying my flesh, and leading the stand for our purity.  Our wedding night was the most beautiful encounter as we exchanged our gifts to another.  Our marriage was established on a sure foundation with God in the center of it all. Married people have the best sex!
 
Even if you have already had sex in a previous relationship that doesn’t disqualify you from making the decision to abstain until you are married.  If you are in a sexually active relationship now, but desire to change things then pray for God to give you wisdom as you approach your girl/boyfriend. I guarantee you it will be worth it in the end.

Categories
Engaged Marriage

5 Things Satan Wants For Your Husband

After praying in the spirit, God has shown me 5 Things That LIFE (and Satan) wants to do to our Husbands:
1.     Drain his strength and make him weak spiritually.
2.     Seduce him into unsafe places.
3.     Work against God establishing Him financially, professional and spiritually.
4.     Distract him from his First Love- communion with Christ through excessive busyness   and doubt.
5.     Play against his confidence and capabilities by highlighting his weakness.

All Lies of the enemy!!! And for EVERY LIE THERE IS A TRUTH BUT YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO ACCESS TRUTH!!

WHAT DO I DO?
When you sense that this is going on with your spouse, allot time DAILY to PRAY in the Spirit for him.
WHY AM I DOING IT?
26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. 27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers[l<rmony with God’s own will. Romans 8:26-27 NLT
**The reason I strongly suggest praying in the spirit for him is because a lot of times when we notice something wrong with our spouses it affects us in a way that makes us unproductive.
“Praying in the spirit helps filter what is going on without taking it personally but taking personal responsibility for what we see”.
In other words, if you do not spend ample time praying BEYOND your understanding then your emotions will get in the way and cause you to sabotage your husband’s season of stretching (growth) and neglect your place.

ONE OF THE BIGGEST WEAKNESSES OF A LOT OF WOMEN IS OUR EMOTIONS.

“Praying in the spirit allows us to receive the reality of God beyond our weak emotions”.

I have made this mistake so many times in my life and it has left my husband even more confused and worried about what’s going on with ME and the chaos in his own life. After praying in the spirit God MOVED MY EMOTIONS OUT OF THE WAY so that I could SEE what season my husband was in more clearly and how I could HELP him accomplish what God was working in him through LIFE’S experiences.
LADIES, my prayer today is that we forsake our emotions and fight to see the bigger picture through PRAYER!!
Have eyes that SEE and ears that HEAR GOD for him.
Sincerely walking this out with you!
Love,
Kimberly Allen

Categories
Dating/Courting Home

5 Things You Should Pursue When Single

A couple weeks back I was driving in West Monroe with the rumblings of my stomach crying out for food so I pulled into the Chick-Fil-A drive thru. My friend Mackenzie was with me and we started discussing how another Valentine’s Day had passed without a significant other and without hesitation I blurted out, “ I’m single, twenty-five and having a quarter life crisis while eating WAFFLE FRIES!” We both busted into an uncontrollable laughter at the thought of how silly this notion was and moved on with our afternoon.
Later the next week though the quote just kept weighing on my heart. “ I’m single, twenty-five and having a quarter life crisis while eating WAFFLE FRIES!” All the thoughts of my life began to rush in like when you were a kid who was plastered with the kickball in the face. The Oh my gosh what have I done with my life, resonated loudly in my brain. I had just turned 25 at the beginning of February, but it was almost like my waffle fry epiphany had finally hit home. I had literally lived a quarter of my life already. But I really wondered was God delighted with my 25 years of life I had lived? Did I do all I could for him? Was it enough? What could I have changed? Did I do all I really wanted to do?
Then a verse from Ecclesiastes 3:11 came to mind “ Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in heart’s of man, but even so, people can’t see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”
God has placed an eternal scheme to pursue the dreams, calling and plans in your heart for the rest of your life. Many singles feel left out of what marriage or a family brings to your life. Yes, it is a wonderful adventure all in its own, but an adventure awaits us all in our time of singleness. Don’t think you have to wait to be married to have them all.
God has greater waiting. Greater is the life altering understanding God is ready to accomplish a kind of greatness in your life that is entirely out of human reach. Basically God wants to do GREATER through you, for you and with you! The impossible and unexpected journey ahead, He so desperately wants to engage in your heart the potential for dreaming big, living life to the fullest and loving people exponentially in this season.
In turning 25, I wrote down 25 goals to celebrate living out my twenty-fifth year of life with joy, expectancy and understanding of my moment of singleness is for a greater role than I understand, because God has the whole scope of the journey worked out, our only requirement is to listen to His beckoning, not shrivel in our past of what not’s and didn’t do’s. But especially when the thoughts of the enemy can pounce in as fast as a kickball, our time in singleness has to be focused on the words and declarations of the King, not man, not self-pity or social standards of what we should be doing with our free time.  I encourage you women and men in the singlehood to write out pursuits for being in this season.  You’ll discover life isn’t in the waiting on the spouse but it’s in the waiting on the next adventure God is ready to take with us!  Here are five areas to make pursuits in during your single time, your quarter life crisis of doubt and remind you God speaks in mysterious ways, even waffle fries.

  1. Personal Spiritual Pursuits– Determine where you want to be in your relationship with Jesus, whether learning to memorize more scripture, reading plans, or adding more time to your pray life and studying of His word. Dig deeper. Get out of the comfort zone.
  2. Career or Education Pursuits– I own my own photography company and every year I put a mark on how many weddings I want to shoot. I want to push my talent God’s given to me more than I think I’m capable of, so think BIG in getting a new job or making your career more excellent in little ways
  3. Travel Pursuits– Get out and go on an adventure. Go to a place on your bucket list don’t wait. Go to Europe or hike to Machu Pichu. Even small goals drive on a road trip down Route 66 experience all the things God has created in this world to enjoy!
  4. Ministry Pursuits- Find something to pour your heart into, rather it be serving as a Big Brother or Sister, volunteering as a tutor or going on a mission’s trip overseas. Find a place to be light and shine hope.
  5. Miscellaneous Pursuits– This is hands down free range. Try out the impossible dreams here. Make pursuits you never thought you could accomplish. Run a marathon, read two books a month, gets published, learn a new skill, pay for someone’s Starbucks once a week. Discover the child like faith for believing in accomplishing the extraordinary with God in your singleness. He can do it!

Categories
Marriage

Learning Your Spouse's Language

I’m sure you’ve heard people say men are from Mars and women are from Venus.  Eh, I disagree.  Those are two completely different planets so in reality if men and women were from different planets the differences would be much greater than just communication.  If we were from different planets we probably couldn’t even reproduce.  It’s more like men are from New York and women are from LA or men are from England and women are from the US.  We’re all speaking English, we’re just speaking in different dialects.  Because the differences can be so vast, it may feel like two different languages.  The trick is to embrace each other’s dialect and resist any urge to classify any of the differences as deficiencies.  Both approaches to the expression of English are equally valid and neither should be altered.  They should be allowed to stay in their purest form.
For instance, if a husband recognizes that his wife requires much more detail than he would normally share he should be patient in learning how to do so.  While if a wife recognizes that her husband’s needs short, bottom line information, she should also be patient in learning to do so.  Of course these are stereotypical examples and your situation could be different so be sure to tailor your approach to your spouse’s needs.
While studying abroad in Mexico I learned a strategy that may prove to be very effective in learning a new language.  I had a friend who was trying to learn English while I was trying to learn Spanish.  I would speak to them in Spanish and they would respond in English to see if we understood each other.  We would then switch languages in order to ensure that we could hear and speak each language properly.  This is how to approach learning to communicate with your spouse.  I’ve been learning to speak “Melissa” this way for seven years.
Just this past Valentines I had an opportunity to practice my “Melissa”.    It was Melissa’s turn to plan our Valentines and typically the activity planned is the gift to both of us, but I decided I would still give Melissa a gift.   I know Melissa loves candy so I decided to get a gift bag and put a bunch of candy in it and I would also drive around town and “collect” some flowers from the apartment complexes in our area since flowers were not in the budget.  I went to the store and purchased the gift bag and the candy.  I decided it would be cool to take all of the candy out of the wrappers and dump them into the bag. This way Melissa could just sit back and enjoy the candy without having to wrestle with the wrappers (I am so considerate).  Now it was time to drive around and collect some flowers, but I couldn’t do it.  The Holy Spirit wouldn’t let me.  Besides, I’d be embarrassed if I was on the news involved in a high-speed chase over some stolen flowers.
I surprised Melissa with the bag of candy and she loved it.  Now It was time to explain to her the story behind the bag of candy. I had two choices, I could speak to her in “Joel” or speak to her in “Melissa”.  If I spoke to her in Joel I would say, “I bought you some candy because you like candy and I was going to give you some flowers but that didn’t work out.”  That would be too easy and I’d just be being lazy if I did that.  So of course I chose to speak in “Melissa”.  I gave her a very detailed version of the story and she loved every detail.  She loved the idea that I took the candy out of the wrapper just for her and she was relieved that I didn’t collect any flowers, but she thought the gesture was nice.
Melissa and I are not yet fluent in each other’s languages.  We often regress to our native tongues.  Every time we choose to speak in our second tongue it’s exciting and it draws us closer to each other.  We find ourselves and each other in the translation.  I leave you with this quote from Johann Wolfgang von Goeth “Those who know nothing of foreign languages know nothing of their own.”