Tag: single
by Kay King
I don’t know about you, but I know God has someone out here for me. Someone he has molded specifically for me. Someone for me to do life and destiny with.
Even after being single for 6 years, I still believe that. Up until last year I would just sit around and wait, until I came across a prayer challenge where they were praying for their future husbands.
It made so much sense, why do I need to wait until I’m married to start praying like a wife? My future husband needs covering now.
So I joined the challenge and even after the challenge ended, I continue to pray.
Here’s 3 areas in which you can use to start your own prayer challenge for your future husband.
1. His relationship with Christ
We know that the Lord is the center of it all and He will certainly be the center of my marriage. So I pray prayers regarding my future husband’s spiritual maturity. I pray that he understands how our marriage should be a reflection of Christ and the Church. I also pray that through his relationship with Christ, he learns how to be an effective leader. I pray that my future husband’s heart is aligned with Christ. It’s so important that he knows Christ and that he puts his relationship with Christ first.
Sample prayer: Lord, I pray that my future husband is committed to his relationship with you. I pray that each and every day he is maturing and growing in wisdom in all areas of his life. I pray that he is fervently studying your word and putting your word to action. Lord guide him in all truth and knowledge and help him to learn how to lead like you. Align his heart with yours so that he is able to take on your mindset concerning marriage and family. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
2. Purity
This is a huge one. We live in a world where it’s so easy to get exposed to sex, so I pray for my future husbands ear gates and eye gates. I know that wherever he turns he will likely see something sexual, so it’s important to pray his strength in this area. I even pray about his previous relationships and that he has been delivered and healed. I also know that the Jezebel spirit is real, so I always make sure I pray against that controlling and manipulating spirit. I pray that he is committed to pleasing God in this area because I know it takes a strong man to stand on the side of what’s right.
Sample prayer: Lord, I know that there is much out here today that can cause a man to fall into temptation so I am praying today that my future husband’s eyes be set on you. I pray that he has made the choice to honor you with his body and that he is focused on keeping his promise. I pray against every Jezebel spirit that would try to control and manipulate him into making choices that wouldn’t please you. Give him strength in this area. I ask that every soul tie be broken in the name of Jesus and that no residue be left from previous relationships. I pray that he be healed and delivered. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
3. Identity
It’s so important that your future husband understand who he is, not only as a man but as a man of God. When a man lacks identity, he lacks purpose and if he lacks purpose then he doesn’t need a help meet (a wife). So I pray for my husband’s identity, I pray that he finds who he is in and through Christ. I always pray against generational curses and word curses. It’s tough out here to be a man. Everyone has an idea of who and what you should be, but I pray daily that He seeks the Lord regarding his identity. I pray that he has the endurance to continue to strive for his purpose and passion. I also pray that he enters into the fullness of who God called him to be.
Sample prayer: Lord, I know that my future husband is under constant attack concerning the area of his purpose. I know the devil would love nothing more than for him to just give up but today I pray against every attack that would come his way. I pray against every word curse that has been spoken over his life contrary to what You have said and called him to be. Help him to recognize generational curses in his bloodline, so that he may confront them and break them. I pray continuously that he be the strong leader that You’ve made him to be. I pray that he seeks you more than ever and that with every encounter, he’s refreshed and able to endure what comes. I pray that he comes into the fullness of who you have called him to be and that even when he stumbles, he will humble himself and get back up. I know he’s going to be an amazing husband because he has such an amazing example, You. I thank you in advance. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
It’s important to cover your husband in prayer. Why not get an early start? Husbands have a great deal of weight on their shoulders and it’s important that you show him that you have his back. The best way to show that is to be a praying wife.
So stop praying for a husband and start praying specific prayers for YOUR husband.
I would love to hear from you and what prayers you are praying. Follow my blog Single Woman’s Diary on WordPress and Follow me on Facebook.
One thing that I always say is that marriage is a living organism, if you prune it and water it, it will grow. There are ways to make sure that not only is each person in the relationship is healthy, but to make sure the whole relationship or marriage is healthy. These clues can be used to assess not only romantic relationships but friendships.
- Both parties can give 3 reasons how the other person has improved their life.
- Both parties feel like they can be themselves in the relationship.
- There is no fear when it comes to communication even if the topics are hard.
- There are no major secrets that are hidden from one of the parties.
- Both parties encourage and support the each other’s dreams.
- Both parties propel each other to walk in righteousness and integrity.
- Both parties feel understood and loved by the other person.
- Both Parties go the extra mile to show the other person they love them.
- Both parties serve each other.
- Both parties respect and honor each other in front of other people.
- Both parties respect the union(if married) keeping the marriage bed pure. The are not involved in sexually deviant behavior (pornography, affairs, deviant sex).
- Both Parties do not let the other settle for mediocrity, but pushes the other to be the best.
- Both parties create a space for their mate to be themselves.
- Both parties enjoy free time away from their partner.
- Both parties have clear and healthy boundaries in the relationship.
- Both parties enjoying laughing together.
- As a couple, you have things you do together that are “your” things.
- Both parties easily forgive and do not hold grudges.
- Both parties have clarity on the direction of the relationships and expectations.
- Both parties are committed to working out any challenges or difficulties that may arise.
“There’s no point in getting married.” I can’t begin to express how many times I’ve heard this sentiment from my single friends. “All married people do is argue, fight, and talk about how it’s the most difficult journey they’ve ever embarked upon. So if that’s what I have to look forward to, then what’s the point”?
It wasn’t until I began to truly evaluate what my friends were saying that I was hit with a blaring truth. The majority of us married people don’t paint the best picture of marriage for someone that someday aspires to build a happy and healthy marriage.
We’re all guilty of it. Just recently, I found myself attempting to help my younger brother by letting him know how much work a marriage is. The fact of the matter is, that statement is true! Marriage is very hard work, but that’s only a part of the story. With this in mind, I wanted to paint a better more complete picture for all of my single brothers and sisters out there that aspire to someday build a special marriage so that you don’t give up on the idea of finding that special someone to tie the knot with.
I like to think of marriage as a permanent sleepover with your best friend. Just like any relationship, it won’t always be peaches and cream. Some days, there will be some speeches and screams. Anytime you merge two individuals from many various backgrounds, each with their own set of ideals, habits, and customs, there will be a period of time it takes to get on the same page. The key to building anything is to start with a solid foundation!
The same is true for your marriage. You must start by intentionally building the foundation centered upon truth, love, patience, understanding, kindness, honesty, open communication, and the love of Christ into your marriage. This is the “work” part that all of your married friends and family are always talking about, and truth be told, they’re not lying when they say it’s not easy.
However, once you and your mate establish that you’re in this together and you’re committed to always work together and pull in the same direction, the payoff for your work is far greater than anything you could ever imagine.
You gain real true unconditional love.
You gain safety when you lonely and afraid.
When you can’t sleep late at night because all off the cares and worries that present themselves in life, you gain someone to hold you close and provide comfort.
You gain a friend with will cover you with prayer constantly!
You gain someone to live a life of worship with!
You gain someone to share your home and refuge from the world with.
You gain someone to smile with, laugh with, cry with, share milestone moments with, build a family with, and more than anything, you learn what grace and mercy are all about through a real friend who’s there for you no matter what happens in this life.
So, the next time you hear your married friends talking about how difficult marriage is, remember these three things and be encouraged:
1)They’re only trying to let you know to prepare yourself for the great work that is to come
2)The work you put in will yield many of your life’s greatest joys, triumphs, and accomplishments
3)Nothing worth having comes without work and great sacrifice!
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The Problem With Situationships
You’re seeing this person, you’re not in a relationship, but you do relationship things. Your heart is attached, but there is no commitment. You dream of a future but they constantly remind you, there is none. WHY, oh Why do you do this to yourself?
As for me, my situationship brought forth comfort. If I couldn’t be in a relationship, why not be in a pretend relationship? Why not get a free meal, free cuddle time, and enjoy the company of another. It was harmless, or so I thought. It wasn’t until my heart was fully invested that I realized the harm this “situationship” was about to present. What started as lots of fun, ended in tears and heartache.
I thought I could eventually win his heart, making him love me the way I loved him. That was, until he made it extremely clear that he would leave me if his dream girl crossed his path. I wish someone had shared with me the one simple, yet HUGE, problem with “situationships”.
So, what’s the problem? Truth be told, “situationships” are mirages, they are counterfeit experiences and will ultimately cause more problems! It’s presented as the ultimate prize, when it’s intrinsic value doesn’t even come close!
I’ll never forget being in a service and the preacher said, the enemy waits for an opportune time, just like he did Jesus. Remember after Jesus fasted for 40 days and 40 nights, the devil attempted to present Jesus with what appeared to be all of earth’s kingdoms. In exchange, all he had to do was bow down to the devil. Of course Jesus sent him on his way.
Unlike Jesus, those of us who find ourselves in “situationships” give in to the temptation. We’ll settle for what’s being offered to us, with no consideration of the future. Though Jesus was tempted, he stayed the course, resulting in him fulfilling his purpose and being worshiped by all nations, (psalms 66:4); the very thing the enemy promised. Truth is, the enemy knows our future and does his best to hinder us from reaching it. He knew who Jesus would be to all the earth and TRIED to deter him from it. Yep he tried it, and if he tried it with Jesus, he’ll try it with you!
Don’t give up the real for the mirage aka a “situationship”. Your future and those attached to your obedience depends on your ability to move beyond what the enemy presents. Be encouraged, and remember nothing fake can ever produce anything real. Wait on the real deal! Know if you are being presented with the mirage, the real thing MUST BE AMAZING and then some!!!!!
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5 Types of Women Not Ready For Marriage
by Kay King
When we’re young we read about Prince Charming coming and sweeping the Princess off her feet and riding off on a horse to their “happily ever after”. It’s like it’s embedded in our heads. We grow up thinking that’s how it’ll be until all of sudden, we learn that it’s just a fairy tale, a story.
As I was sitting and thinking about my own Prince Charming and talking with God and asking him when he’s going to come, the Lord showed me myself. How many times do we think to ourselves, this is the type of man I want. Or when you see a man displaying characteristics that are ones you want in your husband, you say Lord send me someone like that. We spend more time talking about what kind of man we want versus what kind of woman we are.
If the saying “you attract what you are” is even a tad bit true, then it makes you think, am I worthy of the man I’m waiting for? See it’s unfair to expect so much from him and place less expectations on ourselves.
So when God showed me myself, I started writing down the things I’d seen. It made me think, am I the type of woman someone is looking for. Through this personal analysis of myself came my next blog.
Here’s my list of 5 types of women who are not ready for marriage:
1. THE INSECURE WOMAN
Now while we all deal with insecurities, there are some women who are driven by theirs. Meaning, they are always talking about themselves in a negative manner or fishing for compliments to help boost their self esteem. The insecure woman usually is overly flirtatious and wants to be the center of attention. She depends on reactions from others.
As women, we should never go into a marriage expecting to get our self worth from our husband. It is God who has set our worth and it is our husbands who uphold that standard. Relying on your spouse to set your self worth be a dangerous game, they are there to affirm but our worth was never to meant to be set by them.
2. THE CONFUSED WOMAN
Of course, we don’t always have everything figured out but you should at least know if you want to be in a committed relationship or know if you want to get married. We all know the bible tells us confusion is not of the Lord, so why is it that one day we say we want to get married and then two weeks later, we’ve changed our minds. This could be the reason you’re single. You have no resolve about your future.
What man wants to put his all into a relationship, he isn’t sure is going anywhere? Why should he put himself out there and pursue you, if he you’re unsure if you even want to be in a relationship? Remember healthy relationships are marked by peace, not by doubt and fear.
3. THE CONTROLLING WOMAN
This is the woman, who wants to take on the lead role and wants to be control of everything. In other words, she wants to wear the pants in the relationship. I don’t know if you know this or not but God didn’t intend two men to be in a relationship together. He also didn’t design women to be the head. (1 Corinthians 11) So if you’re the type of woman who always has an opinion about how he dresses, how he eats, how he speaks and who he’s friends with, then you may find yourself single a little bit longer. No man wants a control freak.
After all, you’re not his mama, he has already left the nest and raising a man is NOT your job. So stop trying to control everything about him.
4. THE CLINGY WOMAN
This is the woman, who makes the relationship the center of her universe. Everything she does is based on this relationship. She has no friends outside of this relationship, she has no interest or activities outside of the relationship. She just wants to be around the one she’s married to 24/7. She hangs out with his friends, she’s always tagging along for the boys night out. Now don’t get me wrong, we all know relationships go through that honey moon stage, however, being too clingy can be unhealthy for both parties involved. Ladies, let me give you some advice, get a life.
No man is going to be able to spend every minute of every day with you. I mean how can he miss you, if you’re always around. You need time a part, he needs guy time and you need girl time. So get yourself a hobby or friends of your own.
5. THE ANGRY WOMAN
Let it go. Why are you always mad at your family, at your friends, at society? Always arguing with your co-workers. I mean, you’re just mad at life. Nothing makes you happy. You’re always into some drama and it’s always someone else’s fault.
Men don’t want to be with an angry woman. Listen, as men, they already face so much out in the world. They don’t want to come home to your drama too. And no, I’m not saying you have to hide your feelings, however, you do need to know how to bring your emotions under subjection and not let them rule you. Men are strong, but I don’t know any man that is strong enough to take on a angry woman. There will always be a lack of communication and there’s always going to be the blame game. Proverbs 21:19 It’s better to live alone in the desert, than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.
Now I know none of you who are reading this is any of these women… right? LOL
While I know I won’t ever be perfect, I know there are still areas in which I can improve. God wouldn’t have wanted me to look inward if that were not the case. So instead of focusing on getting married, I’m going to focus on myself. I’m going to continue to build my empire, my ministry and allow God to mold me into a suitable wife.
I would hate to ask God to send me the one and when He arrived, not be ready.
Let me just begin this article by clarifying and letting it be known, that there is no desire in me to be single again or to not have children. I am so grateful for the single-season I had and all God accomplished through me, as well as my months before we had our first child. It allowed my husband I to grow and be more in love. I am sharing this post to let the mommies and the wives, who are currently in this position, know they are not alone and for those waiting for a mate or even children to enjoy where they are. God has great plans for all of us, it is just important to enjoy them while we can and not take each season for granted. However, without further ado here are 1o things I miss about my pre-wife and pre-mommy days.
1. Sleep– Especially with the children. In my single days I thought I would fall apart if I got less than 6 to 7 hours a night, well something magical happens when you become a mom, you literally have to keep going. If I had a way to conserve sleep in my single days I would have.
2. Space– As singles we all cry for someone to share a bed with, as a married person sometimes all you want is some space (unless your love language is touch). Enjoy your bed. I know it may feel cold some nights, but at least you can sleep sprayed out if you want. When the children are added to your bed space, you will literally be sleeping in a pile or on the edge.
3. Quality Grooming Time– Honestly, if I could just get ten minutes to shower, shave or even use the bathroom without some little ones at my door I would be a happy woman. Enjoy your 30-minute bubble baths and 20-minute grooming sessions. The little ones will want to be a part of every routine. As hard as it is, you will see you do not want it any other way.
4. Cooking What I Want- As a single person, I could eat cereal and go to bed. When you have a husband to feed and then children to feed, you have to meal plan and make healthy meals. Singles use this time to create the diet that is beneficial to you, it is easier to diet while single than when you have someone to feed as well as little ones with picky diets.
5. Free Hands For Worship– I am a wild worshiper, I would jump and spin and do all I needed to do. I remember now being single and telling myself: “Go all out, because when the babies come it will be restricted”. Worship and church service time are times where you have to split your attention. The thing I have learned is that worship is not just about hands being raised, but that I worship God every day, as I use my hands in service to my children and my husband.
May you all be blessed in whatever season God has you in, enjoy it, and grow form it.
“There’s always going to be another mountain, you’re always going to want to make it move. There’s always going to be an uphill battle, sometimes you’re going to have to lose. It’s not about how fast you get there, and it’s not about what’s waiting on the other side: IT’S THE CLIMB!” It was Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb”. -Miley Cyrus.
In my heart of hearts, I truly believe those are profound words to live by. We’re taught from very early that in order to have a good, happy, and successful life, we must fulfill the “American Dream”.
We’re taught that we must go to school, go to college, get a job, climb the corporate latter, get married, have children, buy a big house, have fancy cars, and accumulate wealth. There’s no problem with accomplishing those life goals, however the dilemma presents itself in how we attain these goals. We never anticipate the obstacles and opposition that will present themselves on our journey. Instead, we go through life, hastily rushing towards the next major milestone, all the while forfeiting the blessing that is the present.
We give every last ounce of effort in order to ensure we reach our destination year after year. We reach milestone after milestone on the chase to make our dreams come true, only to realize that we’re still unfulfilled, so we set new goals and milestones, and grind even harder than ever before still aiming for the prize. By the time we reach our destination of success, we’re 70 years old, retired, and grandparents and all we can do is sit in our rocking chairs with regrets wondering where did all our time go?
This is why that song is so profound to me. Our lives are made up of moments, and we must cherish every moment God gives us as gift because if we rush it and reach the peak of the mountain too soon in our lives, the only place to go from there is down, and we’ll spend the rest of our life reflecting on that moment rather than making more memorable moments.
Life is NOT all about attaining worldly accolades and success. It’s NOT all about “arriving at your destination”. No matter how many milestones you achieve in this life, you’ll still feel there’s more you need to accomplish.
Life is not all about hurrying and scurrying through all obstacles and opposition in order to reach your goals. Instead, THE JOURNEY IS THE DESTINATION! In other words, It’s The Climb! Life is about embracing every moment that God gives you. Whether, good, bad, ugly, or downright sad, every situation that God places before is an opportunity to learn, grow, and develop as a person. It is in cherishing these moments that you truly live an abundant life.
After climbing the mountain called life, it’s not just the feeling of being on top of the world that makes that moment so special. Instead, every time you slipped and almost fell, every time you almost died, and all the times you wanted to give in and felt like giving up, all make that moment when you reach the end of your journey so much more special.
To the person who is single: don’t rush through this season of your life and settle for less than you deserve because society makes you feel like you’re cursed for not having a significant other yet.
Married people: don’t rush through your lives, wishing your kids would hurry and grow up so they can move out and kill yourselves trying to “keep up with the Jones’s ” and miss the very blessings you have right before you.
Embrace your current situation in whatever season you may be facing knowing that God is present with us every step of the way, and every obstacle He chooses to place before us will eventually become a stepping stone to bigger and better things if we embrace the challenge and let His word, His strength, and His spirit guide us through.
Contrary to common belief, time does not heal all wounds but God does. If not dealt with, no matter how much time has passed, the loneliness, grief and pain felt after a failed relationship can be crippling. The heart is the source of life, once broken, you may find yourself in repeated cycles of brokenness, carrying your past pains into your present relationship.
Prior to meeting, courting and marrying my now husband, there were several broken relationships I found myself in. After my last breakup, I did several things that allowed God to heal my heart almost immediately to the point where people were in disbelief and amazed. I didn’t experience the loneliness, bitterness, anger, low self-worth, resentment, and regret that some people do after a breakup. I didn’t find myself snooping on my ex’s social media accounts reminiscing or trying to see who was the new boo. I didn’t experience the severity of what many people deal with after a breakup. And you don’t have to either!
It’s imperative that you are intentional about becoming whole after a breakup. Healing from a break up requires spiritual and practical efforts. Here are the 7 steps to help you heal:
- Date Jesus. You’re single now. You now have more time to spend with the Lord. Seek him more in prayer and devotion. Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.”
- Remove any reminders. Remove everything that connect and reminds you of your ex. His or her phone number, social media accounts, gifts, pictures, letters, or anything else unique to your relationship. This may be hard but it is a necessary practical step.
- Break soul ties. Depending on the length and extent of your relationship, there’s a good chance a soul tie has been created. You’re going to have to sever that thing! If your souls are still knit together in anyway it’s going to make it difficult to move on. During your next date with Jesus, pray and ask Him to break your soul tie.
- Forgive Yourself. Thoughts of everything you did wrong leading to your break up may be flooding your mind. “Should’ves”, “could’ves”, “would’ves”… it’s time to move on. Free yourself by forgiving yourself. You’ll be unable to move on if you are carrying regret, shame and/or guilt.
- Forgive Your Ex. Here’s a big one. Decide to love and forgive your ex as God wants you to. No matter how severe the offense, God still requires you to forgive. By commanding you to forgive, God is looking out for you. Unforgiveness doesn’t hurt your offender, it really hurts you. Carrying around bitterness weighs you down, clouds your relationship with God, and blocks your ability to love others.
- Personal Growth. Now is a great time to focus on becoming a better you and prepare for the right one. Work on developing your gifts, finding your purpose, and pursuing your passions.
- Avoid Rebounding. The fastest way to re-puncture your broken heart is to get into a new relationship too soon. Pray and ask God to reveal the one and avoid counterfeits. The devil is an opportunist, he would love for you to enter a new relationship that could be worse than the one you came out of.
My prayer is that your heart is restored and that you prepare yourself for that special one. Once I successfully applied the above steps in my life I found healing and true love. Breakups are now a thing of the past!
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3 Signs of A Desperate Single
Co-authored with Culus Williams
Being single can have you feeling lonely. You may feel that you’re not living life to the fullest. While in your single season the spirit of desperation tries to creep its way into your life. The enemy releases the spirit of desperation upon many singles. This spirit makes you think that your situation is hopeless and gives a sense of false hope. Desperation can be a distraction to the reason for your single season.
When we’re desperate we often make irrational decisions. We find ourselves in situation-ships and relationships that God never intended for our lives. We are so desperate to have a mate that we will settle for anybody that comes along with sweet nothings to speak into our ear.
People know when you’re desperate, they see it in the way you walk, talk and even in what you post on social media.
- Your Walk – You walk in a room and position yourself to be seen by the opposite sex. You want someone to flirt, speak and chase after you.
- Your Talk – You talk about your single status all the time. Every conversation is centered on finding a mate.
- Your Posts – Your statuses on social media always focus on your single status. You post about how long you’ve been single or how long you’ll have to wait for your mate.
We must say your desperation is channeled in the wrong area. We should only be desperate for God which means that we want more of Him. When you find yourself in the place of being anxious for a mate, ask God to give you a fresh encounter with him. Ask the Lord to ignite his fire in you, so that you only desire to hunger and thirst after him. We promise you that you will be blessed.
Matthew 5:6 (NIV) Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Wait on God to position you to find your mate. The wait will be worth it because it will be orchestrated by God. Allow God to fill you up with his Holy Spirit in this season. Remember that desperation is a tactic of the enemy to delay the promises of God. God has a blessing with your name on it in this season!