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25 Ways Other than Dating to Prepare For Marriage

After about 6 months of being married, I realized something that I pray every unmarried person will take very serious.  Every second I spent before I said I do, was preparation for marriage.  All the things I accomplished and all the things I failed to do contributed to my present day marriage.  Before I married, I was a huge proponent for preparing for marriage. But now that I am married, I cannot stress how important it is to prepare for the covenant that changes everything.
When I teach on this, the first response is, “Well, I don’t have anyone to date to prepare for marriage.” Dating is not the only way to prepare for marriage and also can be very dangerous if not done God’s way.

Here are a 25 ways to prepare for marriage other than dating.

  1.  Healthy friendships with the opposite sex.
  2. Get a roommate.  (same sex)
  3. Spend time with a married couple that inspires you to be married.
  4. Learn how to cook. (Poor eating habits are very unattractive and destructive to yourself.)
  5. Establish the foundation of God’s purpose for your life.
  6. Read books on marriage.
  7. Attend conferences on preparing for marriage and relationships.
  8. Identify your strengths and weaknesses in relationships.
  9. Establish a consistent prayer & devotional life.
  10. Get financial intelligence.
  11. Go to college.
  12. Examine the good and bad of your parent’s marriage.
  13. Serve at your local church.
  14. Learn how to deal with conflict with your friends.
  15. Go on a mission trip to another country with a team.
  16. Take faith risks for God to break fear and learn obedience.
  17. Examine all your failed friendships and see why things went sour.
  18. Keep your home/room/closet/car clean. (No one wants a dirty spouse)
  19. Get a hobby.
  20. Become a glass house for your close friends. (Transparency as a normal part of your life.)
  21. Ask your “real” friends what are areas of your character need development every 3-6 months.
  22. Learn when to say yes, and when to say NO. (self control)
  23. Work hard. (if you don’t want to marry a lazy person, then don’t be lazy yourself)
  24. Develop a healthy lifestyle.
  25. Get a biblical understanding of the role of a husband and wife in a Godly marriage.

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6 "Real" Questions for the Unmarried On Your Social Life

If I get one more invite to a “single’s skating party” or a “single’s potluck” I am going to scream. Do not get me wrong, I am an advocate of social environments that includes both physical activity and enjoying the delectable treats that are shared amongst semi-known acquaintances. I even consider it a sport of amusement in trying to figure out what is actually in that dish that the “new girl” made and keeps offering for everyone to try (I once tried to make an apple crisp but it just didn’t crisp up like my mom’s lol). These environments are intended to minimize the internal loneliness that the attendees are dealing with and are placed amongst a group of individuals that they do not know and forced in to an even more isolated feeling because they are not really sure if it is a safe zone.
Networking is an art; that’s why there are books, classes, seminars, workshops, webinars etc. etc. on how to engage in social environments.
1. Is that what singles are looking for when going out; to develop skills on being involved in socially awkward atmospheres?
2. Are you going to events with the hope that it will be the beginning of a fairy tale love story?
3. What are we really saying when we only offer to the unmarried cake and punch and corral them in to a roller rink?
Now if you are in the midst of planning or attending your church’s 27th annual “Saved Singles Skating Bash”, this is not to say that it shouldn’t continue. It is more of an inquiry to ask about the purpose and expectation of the results. 
4. What are the results from the single events you have attended?
5. Have you seen the unmarried remain faithful to the principles of the Bible?
6. Are you producing the Fruits of the Spirit or are you involved with reoccurring lifestyle choices that do not exhibit an encounter with the living God?
Any time that we gather together in Jesus’ name, people should be able to feel comfortable, discuss challenges, have the ability to be transparent and have discussions about solutions to live a life pleasing to our Heavenly Father. Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty and joy! Proverbs 11:14 “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety (NKJV).”
I want to challenge you to seek after more of God. There is so much to discover about His plans for our lives, which far surpass temporal satisfaction. God is the creator of all things, and delights in us seeking after Him. Being unmarried is not boring and you do not have to feel awkward about your marital status.
Pray and ask God to guide you in to environments with individuals that are likeminded in desiring to fulfill the work of the Lord. If your local assembly does not have a group for the unmarried, ask your pastor and start something small at your house. You can have a potluck and Bible study…plus I’ve got a great recipe for apple crisp.
I would love to hear some feedback from you.  Comment below with your answers to these questions.
INS

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5 Things You Should Pursue When Single

A couple weeks back I was driving in West Monroe with the rumblings of my stomach crying out for food so I pulled into the Chick-Fil-A drive thru. My friend Mackenzie was with me and we started discussing how another Valentine’s Day had passed without a significant other and without hesitation I blurted out, “ I’m single, twenty-five and having a quarter life crisis while eating WAFFLE FRIES!” We both busted into an uncontrollable laughter at the thought of how silly this notion was and moved on with our afternoon.
Later the next week though the quote just kept weighing on my heart. “ I’m single, twenty-five and having a quarter life crisis while eating WAFFLE FRIES!” All the thoughts of my life began to rush in like when you were a kid who was plastered with the kickball in the face. The Oh my gosh what have I done with my life, resonated loudly in my brain. I had just turned 25 at the beginning of February, but it was almost like my waffle fry epiphany had finally hit home. I had literally lived a quarter of my life already. But I really wondered was God delighted with my 25 years of life I had lived? Did I do all I could for him? Was it enough? What could I have changed? Did I do all I really wanted to do?
Then a verse from Ecclesiastes 3:11 came to mind “ Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in heart’s of man, but even so, people can’t see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”
God has placed an eternal scheme to pursue the dreams, calling and plans in your heart for the rest of your life. Many singles feel left out of what marriage or a family brings to your life. Yes, it is a wonderful adventure all in its own, but an adventure awaits us all in our time of singleness. Don’t think you have to wait to be married to have them all.
God has greater waiting. Greater is the life altering understanding God is ready to accomplish a kind of greatness in your life that is entirely out of human reach. Basically God wants to do GREATER through you, for you and with you! The impossible and unexpected journey ahead, He so desperately wants to engage in your heart the potential for dreaming big, living life to the fullest and loving people exponentially in this season.
In turning 25, I wrote down 25 goals to celebrate living out my twenty-fifth year of life with joy, expectancy and understanding of my moment of singleness is for a greater role than I understand, because God has the whole scope of the journey worked out, our only requirement is to listen to His beckoning, not shrivel in our past of what not’s and didn’t do’s. But especially when the thoughts of the enemy can pounce in as fast as a kickball, our time in singleness has to be focused on the words and declarations of the King, not man, not self-pity or social standards of what we should be doing with our free time.  I encourage you women and men in the singlehood to write out pursuits for being in this season.  You’ll discover life isn’t in the waiting on the spouse but it’s in the waiting on the next adventure God is ready to take with us!  Here are five areas to make pursuits in during your single time, your quarter life crisis of doubt and remind you God speaks in mysterious ways, even waffle fries.

  1. Personal Spiritual Pursuits– Determine where you want to be in your relationship with Jesus, whether learning to memorize more scripture, reading plans, or adding more time to your pray life and studying of His word. Dig deeper. Get out of the comfort zone.
  2. Career or Education Pursuits– I own my own photography company and every year I put a mark on how many weddings I want to shoot. I want to push my talent God’s given to me more than I think I’m capable of, so think BIG in getting a new job or making your career more excellent in little ways
  3. Travel Pursuits– Get out and go on an adventure. Go to a place on your bucket list don’t wait. Go to Europe or hike to Machu Pichu. Even small goals drive on a road trip down Route 66 experience all the things God has created in this world to enjoy!
  4. Ministry Pursuits- Find something to pour your heart into, rather it be serving as a Big Brother or Sister, volunteering as a tutor or going on a mission’s trip overseas. Find a place to be light and shine hope.
  5. Miscellaneous Pursuits– This is hands down free range. Try out the impossible dreams here. Make pursuits you never thought you could accomplish. Run a marathon, read two books a month, gets published, learn a new skill, pay for someone’s Starbucks once a week. Discover the child like faith for believing in accomplishing the extraordinary with God in your singleness. He can do it!

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5 Questions To Ask Yourself While Waiting For Your Spouse

Let’s define the word “wait”.
Merriam-Webster.com defines it as, “: to stay in a place until an expected event happens, until someone arrives, until it is your turn to do something, etc.: to not do something until something else happens: to remain in a state in which you expect or hope that something will happen soon”.
 
The first picture that comes to mind of someone waiting for marriage is a scene of an individual at a bus stop with bags filled with expectations, hopes and desires to be fulfilled by someone else. The perception of marriage can sometimes take the form in an individual’s mind that life starts when I say “I Do”.  I would like to suggest for you to get off the bus stop, unpack your bags and to get in a car to begin the journey on the road of life.
While waiting, there are some parameters that the Bible states that we should stay within. They are not rules to control you but to keep your heart safe from strife and confusion. 1 Corinthians 6: 18-20 talks about fleeing fornication and that our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit and that we are not our own. Our body is not to be given to someone or something that does not glorify God; it does not belong to us. Giving it to someone else outside the confines of marriage really defines us as thief and stealing something that does not belong to us in the first place.
 
If you are a virgin, remain until you are married. It is a gift that your future mate will honor and cherish. If you are having sex, there is no condemnation but stop. Find accountability partners that will encourage you to walk in holiness and provide strategies to help you to remain pure.
1 Thess 4:3-5; Rom 6:11-14; Eph 5:3
Marriage is a beautiful union between one man and one woman created by God for the purpose of serving each other. In order to do this well, a solidification of one’s identity in Christ prior to entering in to the life-long commitment is needed. The season of being unmarried is not at all a time to be stagnant and sitting at home watching love stories on Lifetime, but is a short window of opportunity for you to develop and prepare ourselves for our spouse.
Ask yourself these 5 questions:
1. Who am I? It would be a little awkward to sit in front of someone that you are potentially interested in and unable to answer this question. Pray and ask God for definition. Exploration of who you are is not an overnight process and evolves over time.
2. In what ways can I serve others? Working in your local church or volunteering your abilities to the service of others not only builds character but helps you understand how to connect with people.
3. What do my finances look like? How you spend money is a direct reflection of the ability to prepare. Take some finance seminars, learn about investments, have an emergency fund; some may even be able to buy a house and an investment property.
4. Who are my friends? True friendships among men and women during the unmarried season are there to make you stronger and encourage you in your walk with the Lord.
5. What activities do I like to do? What hobbies do I have? Where would I like to travel? Once defined, do them. There is a level of freedom that can be experienced during the unmarried season that you can not only dream about but can also achieve.
 
Being unmarried is a season of discovery and joy to establish friendships and trying new things. An opportunity to build your character and to allow the Holy Spirit to shape you in to a vessel that is clean and able to be used for the advancement of the Kingdom. It is a short segment of life that may feel like forever while you are in it, but remember marriage is a lifetime. So my friends, don’t just stand there… get moving and wait until the expected end happens.
INS
mage courtesy of Chaiwat / FreeDigitalPhotos.net