Category: Single

Categories
Marriage Single

The Journey IS the Destination

High tourist hiker man on the rock peak in rocky mountains
“There’s always going to be another mountain, you’re always going to want to make it move. There’s always going to be an uphill battle, sometimes you’re going to have to lose. It’s not about how fast you get there, and it’s not about what’s waiting on the other side: IT’S THE CLIMB!” It was Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb”. -Miley Cyrus.
In my heart of hearts, I truly believe those are profound words to live by. We’re taught from very early that in order to have a good, happy, and successful life, we must fulfill the “American Dream”.
We’re taught that we must go to school, go to college, get a job, climb the corporate latter, get married, have children, buy a big house, have fancy cars, and accumulate wealth. There’s no problem with accomplishing those life goals, however the dilemma presents itself in how we attain these goals. We never anticipate the obstacles and opposition that will present themselves on our journey.  Instead, we go through life, hastily rushing towards the next major milestone, all the while forfeiting the blessing that is the present.
We give every last ounce of effort in order to ensure we reach our destination year after year. We reach milestone after milestone on the chase to make our dreams come true, only to realize that we’re still unfulfilled, so we set new goals and milestones, and grind even harder than ever before still aiming for the prize. By the time we reach our destination of success, we’re 70 years old, retired, and grandparents and all we can do is sit in our rocking chairs with regrets wondering where did all our time go?
This is why that song is so profound to me. Our lives are made up of moments, and we must cherish every moment God gives us as gift because if we rush it and reach the peak of the mountain too soon in our lives, the only place to go from there is down, and we’ll spend the rest of our life reflecting on that moment rather than making more memorable moments.
Life is NOT all about attaining worldly accolades and success. It’s NOT all about “arriving at your destination”. No matter how many milestones you achieve in this life, you’ll  still feel there’s more you need to accomplish.
Life is not all about hurrying and scurrying through all obstacles and opposition in order to reach your goals. Instead, THE JOURNEY IS THE DESTINATION! In other words, It’s The Climb! Life is about embracing every moment that God gives you. Whether, good, bad, ugly, or downright sad, every situation that God places before is an opportunity to learn, grow, and develop as a person. It is in cherishing these moments that you truly live an abundant life.
After climbing the mountain called life, it’s not just the feeling of being on top of the world that makes that moment so special. Instead, every time you slipped and almost fell, every time you almost died, and all the times you wanted to give in and felt like giving up, all make that moment when you reach the end of your journey so much more special.
To the person who is single: don’t rush through this season of your life and settle for less than you deserve because society makes you feel like you’re cursed for not having a significant other yet.
Married people: don’t rush through your lives, wishing your kids would hurry and grow up so they can move out and kill yourselves trying to “keep up with the Jones’s ”  and miss the very blessings you have right before you.
Embrace your current situation in whatever season you may be facing knowing that God is present with us every step of the way, and every obstacle He chooses to place before us will eventually become a stepping stone to bigger and better things if we embrace the challenge and let His word, His strength, and His spirit guide us through.

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

7 Steps to Heal From a Broken Relationship

Black woman crying outdoors

Contrary to common belief, time does not heal all wounds but God does. If not dealt with, no matter how much time has passed, the loneliness, grief and pain felt after a failed relationship can be crippling.  The heart is the source of life, once broken, you may find yourself in repeated cycles of brokenness, carrying your past pains into your present relationship.
Prior to meeting, courting and marrying my now husband, there were several broken relationships I found myself in. After my last breakup, I did several things that allowed God to heal my heart almost immediately to the point where people were in disbelief and amazed. I didn’t experience the loneliness, bitterness, anger, low self-worth, resentment, and regret that some people do after a breakup. I didn’t find myself snooping on my ex’s social media accounts reminiscing or trying to see who was the new boo. I didn’t experience the severity of what many people deal with after a breakup. And you don’t have to either!
It’s imperative that you are intentional about becoming whole after a breakup. Healing from a break up requires spiritual and practical efforts. Here are the 7 steps to help you heal:

  1. Date Jesus. You’re single now. You now have more time to spend with the Lord. Seek him more in prayer and devotion. Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.”
  2. Remove any reminders. Remove everything that connect and reminds you of your ex. His or her phone number, social media accounts, gifts, pictures, letters, or anything else unique to your relationship. This may be hard but it is a necessary practical step.
  3. Break soul ties. Depending on the length and extent of your relationship, there’s a good chance a soul tie has been created. You’re going to have to sever that thing! If your souls are still knit together in anyway it’s going to make it difficult to move on. During your next date with Jesus, pray and ask Him to break your soul tie.
  4. Forgive Yourself. Thoughts of everything you did wrong leading to your break up may be flooding your mind. “Should’ves”, “could’ves”, “would’ves”… it’s time to move on. Free yourself by forgiving yourself. You’ll be unable to move on if you are carrying regret, shame and/or guilt.
  5. Forgive Your Ex. Here’s a big one. Decide to love and forgive your ex as God wants you to. No matter how severe the offense, God still requires you to forgive. By commanding you to forgive, God is looking out for you. Unforgiveness doesn’t hurt your offender, it really hurts you. Carrying around bitterness weighs you down, clouds your relationship with God, and blocks your ability to love others.
  6. Personal Growth. Now is a great time to focus on becoming a better you and prepare for the right one. Work on developing your gifts, finding your purpose, and pursuing your passions.
  7. Avoid Rebounding. The fastest way to re-puncture your broken heart is to get into a new relationship too soon.  Pray and ask God to reveal the one and avoid counterfeits. The devil is an opportunist, he would love for you to enter a new relationship that could be worse than the one you came out of.

My prayer is that your heart is restored and that you prepare yourself for that special one. Once I successfully applied the above steps in my life I found healing and true love. Breakups are now a thing of the past!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Categories
Single

3 Signs of A Desperate Single

leisure, technology, lifestyle and people concept - man with smartphone and coffee at restaurant

Co-authored with Culus Williams
Being single can have you feeling lonely. You may feel that you’re not living life to the fullest. While in your single season the spirit of desperation tries to creep its way into your life. The enemy releases the spirit of desperation upon many singles. This spirit makes you think that your situation is hopeless and gives a sense of false hope. Desperation can be a distraction to the reason for your single season.
When we’re desperate we often make irrational decisions. We find ourselves in situation-ships and relationships that God never intended for our lives. We are so desperate to have a mate that we will settle for anybody that comes along with sweet nothings to speak into our ear.
People know when you’re desperate, they see it in the way you walk, talk and even in what you post on social media.

  • Your Walk – You walk in a room and position yourself to be seen by the opposite sex. You want someone to flirt, speak and chase after you.
  • Your Talk – You talk about your single status all the time. Every conversation is centered on finding a mate.
  • Your Posts – Your statuses on social media always focus on your single status. You post about how long you’ve been single or how long you’ll have to wait for your mate.

We must say your desperation is channeled in the wrong area. We should only be desperate for God which means that we want more of Him. When you find yourself in the place of being anxious for a mate, ask God to give you a fresh encounter with him. Ask the Lord to ignite his fire in you, so that you only desire to hunger and thirst after him. We promise you that you will be blessed.
Matthew 5:6 (NIV) Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Wait on God to position you to find your mate. The wait will be worth it because it will be orchestrated by God. Allow God to fill you up with his Holy Spirit in this season. Remember that desperation is a tactic of the enemy to delay the promises of God. God has a blessing with your name on it in this season!

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

Leaving the Friend Zone: 5 Steps to Dating A Friend

young happy couple jumping on beach

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

5 Types of Women Men Should Pay Close Attention To…..

business black man looking far

Men, here are 5 types of women you should pay close attention to when entertaining potential relationships:

  1. Ms. Please Come & Save Me: She is unstable in all her ways and has difficulty finishing tasks.She can’t finish school, can’t keep a job and can’t keep good friends. She lacks identity and is completely unaware of her purpose in life. She is looking for a superhero to come and save her from her misery. She is a complete liability to you.
  1. Ms. Can You Pay My Bills: She is not interested in building with you and her main concern is whether or not you can pay her bills. She could care less about you being committed to her. In fact, she would rather deal with men who are married or taken to ensure her streams of income from various men remain in tact. She is willing to give you her body, a little bit of her time but nothing more. Her only goal is to hit the jackpot by finding a man who will take care of her financially. She is a financial liability.
  2. Ms. Can You Fill The Void of My Daddy: She is deeply wounded and rejected. She looks for love and affirmation from whoever will give her attention. She seeks men to fill the void of her absentee father and won’t relent until she does so. She will latch on to a man quickly and hold on to him, no matter how badly he treats her. She is willing to accept the liar, the cheater, the user and abuser all for the sake of filling her void. She seeks love but is unable to reciprocate it because of her dysfunctional concept and lack of understanding of true love. She is a emotional liability.
  3. Ms. Independent: Ms. Independent has her own house, car, good job, degrees and she really doesn’t need you. As a matter of a fact she only wants you to add to her list of achievements and she see you as an accomplishment she needs to obtain for people to see. She’s selfish, controlling and wants things her way. She is close friends with Ms. Jezebel and will use your weakness against you. After all, she believes you are the one who needs her. She will find you and attempt to mold you into HER perfect image. She has a deep dark secret that she is hiding. On the outside she seems like the perfect catch, however on the inside she is a broken little girl who seeks materialistic things and accomplishments to validate who she is. She is also rejected, bitter and doesn’t like herself very much. She lives to prove herself to those who overlooked and rejected her in the past. She does not have the ability to follow you. She is a spiritual and mental liability to you.
  4. Ms. Good Thing: She is not in need of saving. She has come into her own and knows her true identity outside of you. However, she understands her purpose with you. She has learned discipline and submission. Although she is a great leader, she knows how to follow you. She is an asset to you instead of a liability. She compliments your life well and is your greatest cheerleader. She is not lazy and she knows how to multiply your money. She knows how to function without you but she values your addition to her life. She does not talk down to you like a child and she respects you as her head. She trusts you and she does not use your mistakes or flaws against you. …instead, she helps you to improve them. She is always willing to fight by your side and for you. She has found resolve with her past and has learned to be a forgiver and a life carrier. Her words are used to speak life into you and at your worst, she is still able to see the best in you. She is not perfect but she strives to become better every day. She is not a liability…she is your helpmeet.

Men, you don’t have to settle for girls in women’s bodies who are incapable of filling the role of your helper. You don’t have to buy her love and affections. God desires to send you a Proverbs 31 woman who can add to your life and follow you as her head. My prayer for you is that you not be blinded by her curves, but will be able to see the true condition of her heart, mind, soul and spirit. Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (NIV). This proverb can’t manifest in your life if you continue to choose women who make great arm trophies, but lack the essential qualities of a wife. Trust God and he will not only send you the woman you desire, but also the wife you need! Be encouraged men of God!
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Single

The Truth Lemonade Revealed About Women Today

Prior to April 23, 2016, when we all heard the word “lemonade” I imagine that a picture of freshly squeezed, slightly-sweetened juice came to mind. However, after Beyoncé officially released her visual album entitled Lemonade, that word has now taken on a whole new meaning.
 
For me personally, Beyoncé’s Visual Album squeezed some lemon juice on old wounds, reminding me of the gut-wrenching pain I have experienced in past failed relationships. It also shined the spotlight on the current condition of many women’s hearts in America today.
 
Why did so many people love Lemonade? Because it showed us that Beyonce is a REAL person too, affected by the same pains and problems we humans experience. It made her appear touchable and realistic. We often forget that celebrities walk the same earth we do, and therefore experience the same struggles.  Lemonade gave women the opportunity to relate to her; it was as if for a moment she removed her superwoman cape and allowed us to sit on her bed while she poured out her deepest hurts and secrets.
 
It also revealed a much more mind-boggling reality – even America’s Pop Culture Queen: Queen Bey, can be cheated on. I have heard SO many men and women with eyebrows raised beg the question: “WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD CHEAT ON BEYONCE?!?!”
 
Although I do not celebrate the fact it happened, I praise her for her transparency. She may not even fully understand the lesson she taught – but what she really showed us all is this: Even Queen Bey herself cannot satisfy lust!
 
It doesn’t matter how pretty, sexually advanced/experienced/adventurous you are, how much money & power you possess, or how “wanted” you are by men, lust can NEVER be satisfied. Beyoncé is the icon of sex, beauty, body, power, independence, success, intelligence, and fame… and lust got bored with her too.
 
Any relationship that involves lust is DOOMED to fail from the beginning for one main reason: because lust is a bottomless pit – no matter how much you fill it, it will never be full. Many women are currently exhausted and devastated in relationships trying to satisfy an un-satisfiable lust.
 
The sad thing is that lust ALWAYS shows itself quickly, and the warnings signs are evident – so why is it that we ignore these warning signs and still end up in relationships with unfaithful, un-satisfiable men? Simple – we LOVE a good challenge.
 
We like to believe that we are the ultimate woman who can satisfy a man that has previously been unsatisfied. We like to think that we are superior to the women who have gone before us and tried to satisfy him.
 
Don’t believe me? If this wasn’t true the term “side chick” wouldn’t exist. A lot of women actually openly admit to preferring side chick status because they believe that makes them the one he really “wants,” versus the one he is “stuck” with.
 
However, what we fail to realize is at one point SHE was the one he wanted, or he wouldn’t have MARRIED HER. The very fact that he is willing to entertain a side chick, exemplifies his inability to be satisfied.
 
As women, we have to do better than this. I think Lemonade really tore the veil off of a BIG issue that has become common practice, acceptable, and normal in America – it’s not if you will be cheated on, but when. I know a lot of women who allow their boyfriend/fiancé/husband to cheat on them because they claim it’s unrealistic to expect anything more in 2016.
 
I disagree. It DOES NOT and SHOULD NOT be like that. But, the hard truth is, IF it is like that – the warning signs were there and you probably ignored them. Most likely for 1 of 2 reasons:
1. You thought you were the super woman that could make him be faithful
or
2. You don’t believe you are worth more than that.
 
Lemonade was hard to swallow, especially being a woman who has experienced every step of the pain Beyoncé outlined in her visual album. But, there was one great truth we all could, and should, learn from – if EVEN Queen Bey herself cannot satisfy lust, then men don’t cheat because you aren’t pretty enough, good enough, experienced enough, or desirable enough. They cheat because of lust.
 
It would be unrealistic to expect to find a perfect man or end up in a perfect marriage. However, the standard is only low because we as women refuse to raise the bar. Lust is not very good at hiding, it usually leaves a sloppy bread crumb trail of warning signs like wandering eyes, promiscuity, indecision, and refusal to commit… and if you choose to follow the bread crumbs willingly all the way to “I do,” then it will only be a matter of time before you are sipping on lemonade too.
 
As women, it’s our job to make sure that lust is not something we teach our friends and daughters is acceptable by accepting it ourselves. We need to stop being side chicks and stealing other women’s husbands. We need to stop ignoring the blatantly obvious warning signs. We need to know our value. We need to choose better. We need to stop drinking the lemonade.
 

Categories
Home Single

4 Mental Distractions That’ll Keep You From Finding Love

beautiful woman at home with heart for valentine's day

The year was 1992 in a small town called, Albany, GA. It was there that I had my first record of experiencing what I concluded at the time was love. Until, she moved and we no longer were in the same daycare together due to her family moving away. Yes, I said, “Daycare”. It was a real life example of the young and the playful.
From then I’ve always had a fascination with this thing called, love. My interest in love has peeked another fascination, which is how easy it is to allow things in our life to block us from finding it.
Many will argue that love is something you “fall into” hence the statement, “We fell in love”, but I’d like to challenge that statement by saying anytime I’ve fallen into anything it was an accident that I don’t want to do again.
Love shouldn’t be something you fall into with your feelings but rather something you walk into with your heart, soul, and mind all in agreement.
I want to look at 4 things I believe could be mentally distracting you from finding love.
1. Searching For the perfect person.
The search for the perfection person. Not only do I not believe there is only one person for you, I also believe there is no perfect person either. Dating can be very challenging simply because it is when a person puts on their best everything in order to impress the other person. This is why it is imperative that you watch for the small actions that determine everything about a person. For example one small thing you can do it see how the person treats the waiter or waitress at the restaurant. You have to give grace for flaws because guess what, you have flaws too.
2. Fear of Getting Hurt
Relationship should actually be spelled RISK. Because that is really what any relationship is, it is a risk. This is why it is crucial to set boundaries from the very beginning. No matter what your standards are in regards to what’s okay and what’s not okay, there should always be boundaries implemented in order to guard your heart. At the end of it all being hurt is NO FUN, but it is something you must not allow to distract you from being vulnerable once the time is right in order to allow a person in to who you really are.
3. Waiting For It to “Feel” Like Love.
Your feelings do not know your future. My wife and I were watching the new episode of The Bachelorette the other night. I literally counted more than 25 times that she mentioned “feel” or “felt”. It was clear that she was waiting for the feeling to hit her with one of the many guys she will attempt to find love with. Your feelings are the worse thing to rely on when trying to assess a person for the potential of marriage. What rather should be the assessment is wisdom. Wisdom will help you to see the person for who they are aside from feelings because you can get feelings for your dog but that doesn’t mean you should marry him. Don’t be distracted because you’re waiting for that special feeling, but rather allow wisdom to tell you if the person is good or not for your future.
4. Thinking “It’ll Never Happen, So Why Try”.
This negative thinking will cause you not to be optimistic while meeting new people and distract you away from being hopeful to give someone a chance beyond “hello: or  “nice to meet you”. You cannot give love up to fate which believes, “no matter what I do, if it’s meant to be then it will be”. Wrong. That means if you sit on the couch everyday, when fate decides it’s time, he/she will come to your front door in a chariot to take you away into your fairy tale castle. You must try by getting out and meeting new people; that will encourage you to stay optimistic because it can happen when most least expect it.
I pray these 4 mental road blocks will help bring clarity to your journey to finding a person that has the capacity to love you the way you deserve and you love them them the same.

Categories
Communication Dating/Courting Single

He's Just Not That Into You

by Kay King 
We’ve all been there, you finally find someone and then POOF! something changes.
You’re calling, texting and stalking his social media pages and all you get are half way replies. He barely calls you back and he’s stopped responding to you altogether on social media. You start doing drive byes just to see if he’s home. You call up your girl and she says those dreadful words that no girl wants to hear, He’s Just Not That Into You. 

You’re left wondering, why not. All of a sudden those 6 little words cause your emotions to erupt and you suddenly turn into Angela Basset from Waiting to Exhale in her famous scene no one can forget.

So what is it? Why is it that, as single women, we keep choosing the wrong guys? Is it because we desire the one so bad that we ignore the signs?

During my last “He’s not that Into You Moment” I stopped crying long enough to analyze the situation. Here’s what I noticed:

  1. Communication!You go from talking daily: by phone, by text, sending each other cute messages on social media to a few texts per day, a couple phone calls per week and social media basically becomes non-existent. I didn’t see it then but all the “I’m sleepy”, “I’m busy”, “Oh, I didn’t hear my phone” was actually his way of saying “I’ve moved on”. These type of guys usually try to avoid contact with you so that they don’t have to have that dreadful conversation.

 

  1. Commitment!Now you would think it would be easy to spot the ones with commitment issues, but oh no, for some reason we think we will be the exception. I can remember this one guy I would talk to and he would always tell me that he wanted to get married… eventually. Whenever I would talk about commitment and being in a relationship, he would always bring up his past relationships and how they went wrong and now he’s taking his time. Key word: I’m unavailable, however as women we see that as a green light to continue to pursue. Listen ladies, if it’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that men know exactly what they want and when they want it. So no matter how many cookies you bake, or how many times you have sleeps overs, you won’t change him. Move on!

 

  1. Friend Zone!Now Ladies, I know this is what we usually do to men when we aren’t interested, but did you know they do the same thing to us? I know, how dare they! These type of guys always look at you as one of the guys. You talk on the phone,  you hang out but he never really fixes himself up and he asks you for advice about other girls he’s interested in. He flirts with other girls in your presence and overly uses the word friend with you. Do not fall for him! He’s not interested in you in that way. He thinks you’re a great friend, he appreciates your honesty and your willingness to be the wing man but he does not look at you as anything more. Don’t get caught up because when you’re falling for this type of man, you neglect to see the men who are really trying to pursue you.

Biggest RED flag: He doesn’t ask you out and he doesn’t take an interest in you or anything you do.

Ladies, you don’t want a man that’s not into you, not when God has created someone just for you. Falling for these types of guys will only delay your happiness.

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Categories
Home Single

How to Prepare For the Right One

Young woman drinking tea reading book on sofa

 
I believe as Christians who seek to glorify God it’s important to be patient and wait for the one who complements us, at a time when we’re ready to receive it. Falling into the wrong relationships knowingly does not please nor seek to glorify God; rather it is a method of self gratification whether it be from feeling pressured or just wanting something badly. I have had friends tell me that they knew they were with the wrong person, but they just couldn’t stand the mere thought of being alone. That it is a fearful way of thinking. Staying with someone you know isn’t the one does not demonstrate faith in an almighty God and the abundant blessings he has for your life, nor does it help fulfill your purpose. Scripture states “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future” Jeremiah 29:11.
I am reaching a place where I am seeking and trusting God to help me recognize the right person, and shaping myself to be the Godly woman I was called to be. In the midst of this period it is important to be faithful and patient. Here are the ways I believe are helpful in doing so:

  • Praying– Being in communication with God to not only shape your future partner, but to also help acknowledge when you hear his voice, so that way when a suitable partner does come along you know.
  • Strengthening the Relationships You Have Now– A book titled, “A Course in Miracles” states, “Make your brotherly relationships more romantic and your romantic relationships more brotherly” and basically what this means is treating our friendships with the same significance that we put into romantic relationships. Our friendships are also important, and if we can maintain healthy relationships with friends and family this can transcend to our romantic relationships, making them that much more meaningful.
  • Self-Improvement– Improving something about ourselves that may need some work. For example, learning to be more patient, working on building credit, whatever the case may be; your single period is a great time to work on things that may need improvement, because when you’re in a relationship those issues become more evident.
  • Finding Your Purpose– It’s important to seek the purpose that God calls for your life, and not just a partner. When we know our purpose we can ensure God’s will be done, which enhances our relationships and the roles we play in them.

 

Categories
Communication Marriage Single

10 Reasons Why You Must Stop Taking Things Personal in Relationships

Portrait of angry woman standing with arms folded on gray background

People and relationships are a type of commodity for this life that will never be fully understood. The beginning of your existence came from someone (Yo Mama) having the courage to push you out and then another person (The Doctor) having the intelligence to pull you out to prepare you for the life on this planet.
One of the most ironic statements I’ve heard and I know you’ve heard it too is, “I don’t need NO BODY, I can do this all BY MYSELF”
Maybe you’ve made that statement once or twice or possibly a few seconds before you clicked to read this article.
That statement is so far from the truth. If you needed HELP to get INTO THIS WORLD then you surely are going to need HELP to MAKE IT in this World.
This brings me to my point. Just like you need others, others need you.
The bible even states in Philippians 2:4, “ Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
There is one key way I have seen over and over that literally ruins relationships and this is something you must stop doing in order to be the person your friends need you to be.
You have to stop taking things personal!
When you take things personal in relationships it robs the relationship the opportunity to grow into what its needs to become.
At any point of the relationship that you feel you are being personally attacked or sense your feelings being hurt you must guard your heart in order to be sober towards that person and their actions.
Here are 10 Reasons Why You Can’t Take Things Personal in Relationships:

  1. The other person’s actions may reflect pressure in his or her life.
  2. Your perspective on the situation may be misinterpreted.
  3. You may have unrealistic expectations of the relationship.
  4. You may have said something to cause them to react the way they did.
  5. You are not perfect.
  6. Your friends are not perfect
  7. The relationship is bigger than you.
  8. Forgiveness comes AFTER conflict.
  9. Your friend cannot read your mind.
  10. You will not agree with everything your relationships do.

Just like a diamond can only grow from pressure applied to it, the same is true for relationships. It is in the challenging times that relationships are given the opportunity to mature. You must program in your mind during times of conflict and trials that this is a moment for growth not destruction. Relationships either positively mature or negatively sink in times of conflict.
Your friends do not need you to assume the worse in them, but rather hope for the best in them.
Just like you need others, others need you.