Category: Parenting

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Marriage Parenting

3 Signs of a Godly Family Culture

When I was ten years old, my parents dropped me off to stay with another family for the weekend. The mother told my mom about all of the amazing activities we would do and all the great experiences they had in store for me over the weekend. I couldn’t help but get excited, myself! Dirt bikes, video games, movies on their big screen TV, flying model airplanes—it was a kid’s dreamworld!
When I entered the threshold of this uncharted territory, hearing the dull roar of my mom’s old Mazda driving away, I hesitantly followed the mother into the living room to see the family. The son was a friend from school, about my age. They had a teenage daughter who was years older than me, and the mother’s drop in, drop out boyfriend.
Hours into being immersed in this strange, new, setting, I was in tears, sneaking away into the kitchen pantry to call my mom from the family’s portable home phone to get me out of there! What was different about this family? Umm, everything. From the teenage girl’s angry, grungy music vibrating the walls, to my friend’s threatening, rebellious screaming matches with his mother, to the harsh, controlling, thunderous reprimands of the mother’s boyfriend, I was experiencing something entirely different from what I was accustomed to: another family culture.
Growing up, we weren’t a perfect family, but we cultivated a sweet culture of laughter, joy, encouragement, and intentional memories. I implore you: please work carefully to establish a Godly family culture!
Vision
What are your goals as a family? As a couple, you are the cultivators of a garden, the commanders of an army, the navigators of a fleet. A family establishes a rich culture by what they value. What you value, you reproduce.
 Where are you going as a family? Are you a “straight A’s or bust” family? Are you the “fitness family,” the “fashion family,” or the “fiendish family”? All humor aside, ask God to give you vision to establish the culture of your family.
Intentionality
A family culture is by default. You are already establishing the culture of your family, whether you know it or not. We laugh at the misadventures of Forrest Gump, who cluelessly meanders through life, rubbing elbows with JFK, John Lennon, and more, even building a multi-million dollar empire in the shrimping business! But it is important to be intentional as you establish the culture of your family.
My wife is always talking to me about doing fun things with the kids to make memories. I love this about her. She is thinking generationally. Be pro-active in your play times with your kids; always be thinking about how every interaction is a catalyst for the men and women they will become.
Family devotional times are how we establish Christ’s lordship in our family. Some of the best memories I will always cherish are sitting in a circle on the floor, worshipping God as a family, and answering our kids’ heartfelt questions about the nature and character of God.
Atmosphere
My intro mentioned my experience with a chaotic family culture. My wife and I yearn to be a joyful family. When things break, when money is tight, when stress abounds, our hearts cry out to God to model joy for our kids.
We want our children, and everyone who encounters our family, to see us a safe place.
If the culture of your family is chaotic and toxic, it’s not too late to invite the Holy Spirit to intervene with His peace and comfort.
How do you see your family culture? Is there faith or fear, peace or disarray?
 

Categories
Parenting

3 Ways to help your child Flourish

Being a new mother, everyday I am inquiring of the Lord on how I can be the best example to my budding little girl. Through much prayer as well as trial and error. I am still learning, but I believe God revealed to me three key components that will help guide you in leading your little one into destiny!
Your Relationship With The Lord Matters– Your development & Relationship with the Lord is detrimental to the trajectory of your parenting.  Remember that your child is a gift from the Lord (psalms 127:3) We are to stuart them and lead them in the truth of the Lord. How can we lead them into the things of God if you do not know Him for yourself? If you are struggling with how to pray or direct your children into light and wisdom you need to look introspectively and ask yourself if there are any areas of your life in which you have unconsciously or consciously neglected your covenant relationship with the Lord. As you seek Him with all of your heart, He will begin to highlight areas of your life or relationship with Him that may be stagnant, void or dry.
Confront your Fears– Before I had my daughter the Lord began to minister to my heart about my personal fears and began to soften my heart to dealing with those fears. He began to show me how generational curses begin, they start with undealt and unresolved issues that ones family refuses to confront and get freedom in. As God began to reveal to me how even my slightest fears can be passed down to my children if not dealt with intentionality I began to allow God access into the crevices and idiosyncrasies  of my heart he began to shed light and courage and tenacity began to arise within my heart to fight courageously to overcome them not just for me but for my children and their children’s children.“For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places” -Ephesians 6:12
 
Never Stop Praying– Don’t take for granted the access and ability you have as a daughter or son of God to pray heaven down over your children and family. Committing to fighting the good fight of faith on behalf of your seed rends results not just spiritually but naturally. When you commit to living a life a prayer, God will begin to give you wisdom and insight into your children’s future, he will begin to entrust you with his heart for your children and in turn it will  become your heartbeat for your child. God knows your son our daughter better than anyone, why not seek him to help develop and mold your little warriors into confident and secure kings and queens. “Never stop praying”– 1 Thessalonians 5:17 
 
I pray that these three points encouraged and inspired you to be the parent that God has called you to be. I pray that you will now look at your children throughout the clear and undefaulted lenses of God and that your passionate love for your children will begin to develop and overflow as time passes. Remember we are all a work in progress, yet with God he gives us his mercy and grace without recompense, so continue to exude that same mercy and grace to your budding warriors! 

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Dating/Courting Engaged Parenting Single

6 Gains of Contentment

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Home Parenting

10 Prayers to Declare over your Children Daily

 
One of the main roles of a parent is to pray for their children. Our prayers chart the course of their future. Prayer can go where we can’t. We can release the Holy Spirit to be with our children at school, when they are with their friends and anywhere else they may go. Our Job is not to fear our current culture. but to prepare our children to deal with it in power, strength and wisdom. One way we do that is through prayer.
 
So, here are 10 prayers I pray on a constant basis for my children as I raise them up and send them out into the world as arrows!
 
1.I declare that you will know God, love Him and serve Him with all your heart.
 
2.I declare that the plan of God for your life that was ordained while you were in your mother’s womb will manifest and not be delayed, aborted or forfeited!
 
3.I declare that the hand of God is on your life, He is with you when you awake and when you lay down to sleep. You will never be alone because you are planted in Him.
 
4,I release the protection of the Lord over you. I declare that no evil shall befall you. May his angels guard you and preserve you all the days of your life.
 
5.I declare that you will walk in wisdom, courage and strength. You will speak for the weak and fight for those who can not fight for themselves. You are just, kind and honorable.
 
6.I release the wisdom of the Lord as you select friends and partnerships. I rebuke any plans of the enemy to bring you associations that will cause you harm and despair.
 
7.I Bless your marriage; I bless your future wife or husband. May they know God and serve Him with all their hearts. May your marriage be a testimony unto the lord,and your children a legacy of God on earth.
 
8.I declare that you will excel in all you do, you will have extraordinary favor and the blessings of the Lord will always be before you.
 
9.I declare that you walk in a sound mind, your body is healthy, your spirit is whole, and you have everything you need that concerns you living a Godly life.
 
10.I declare that you will be resilient and every difficulty you experience will always draw you closer to God.
 
It is in Jesus name we pray! Amen

Categories
Communication Marriage Parenting

4 Things to Teach Your Kids About Marriage

My five-year-old daughter is becoming an expert on all things related to womanhood. With my wife pregnant with our third child, Evy packs her shirt with clothes to be like her pregnant Mama. She also tenderly rocks her doll to sleep and speaks sweetly to the doll when it’s “awake.”
She dreams about her future marriage, talking about her wedding day and the man she wants to marry. She fantasizes about getting dressed up in her beautiful white wedding dress and wearing lipstick and earrings and dancing with her future husband. That’s when beads of sweat form on my forehead and I begin think: Who is this man going to be?
 
My ever-present prayer as I watch my daughter dream about her future is “Lord, help me set the standards for my children’s marriages.” As I fall on my face before the ultimate Father, I ask myself four questions that enable me to calibrate how to help my children have tangibly realistic and Godly standards when it comes to shaping their expectations.
 

1. Am I Showing My Kids How A Man Treats a Woman?

With a highly-impressionable three-year old son in the house, the way that he sees me treat his mom is going to shape his interactions with females. If he sees me covering and honoring my wife, and loving her with a pure and selfless love, then I can raise a son that Godly women ask God for. I want to set the standard for my daughter by causing her to mold her standards of a good man by how she sees me treat her mom. Our society has more than enough examples of men-gone-wrong. Do I esteem and cover my wife with the sacrificial love that Christ offers His Bride, laying a foundation for my children to build upon in their own future marriages?
 

2. Are We Demonstrating the Joy of Marriage?

I preach about marriage a lot, but to say that I enjoy my marriage almost seems redundant. But it’s true. There are scores of Christians who believe in the sanctity of marriage, and yet are miserable in their own marriages. But, our marriage brings us joy, and we long to express this joy to our kids. On date nights, we put on nice clothes and can’t contain our excitement. The kids sense our energy as we prepare to spend time together. They smile as we hug and laugh throughout the week. Are we able to continually live out that joy, even in the course of our day-to-day?
 

3. Does My Marriage Create Stability in Our Family?

On Friday afternoons when I come home from work, my daughter scurries up to me and screams, “Daddy! We’re going to be a family this weekend!” This is because my wife excitedly tells our kids on Fridays that Daddy won’t have to work on the upcoming weekend, which means we get to do things together. The litmus test that our families are stable is that our kids enjoy family time. To our little girl, our family isn’t complete when we’re not all together.
 

4. Are We Proving to Our Kids That Marriage God’s Way Works?

My wife and I just celebrated our tenth anniversary. I had planned a weekend getaway for my wife and me, but it dawned on me that anniversaries are also a family event. I brought home a cake for all of us to enjoy and explained to our kids that an anniversary is like a “family birthday,” celebrating the birth of our family together. We want our kids to see that the joy and fullness of our marriage is a result of God’s hand in our marriage and it works!
 
Marriage is an heirloom that we are constantly preparing to hand on to the next generation. The world won’t teach your children about marriage God’s way. What are you teaching your children about marriage?

Categories
Home Parenting

10 Shocking Observations about Your Children (from a Teacher's Point of View)

I may not be a parent, but in the past five years of teaching I’ve noticed some tendencies in the majority of my students. I’ve always wondered if parents knew these things about their children. I know that in the midst of busyness and trying to parent your kids as best you can, it’s easy to lose focus on how amazing these children are, and even more so, how amazing they think YOU are. So here is a list of some observations I’ve made about children and how they view their parents (you).
 
1. They take pride in what you pride yourself on.
I often hear kids say things like, “my mom is good at math so I am too!” or “my dad and I love history.” Sports, music, traveling, etc. – if you love it, chances are pretty good your kid will enjoy them too. If you want your child to have the same successes as you, communicate with them about your strengths, and find interests that you can both share. On the flip side, I want to encourage you to be careful about how you describe your weaknesses. They are very quick to use your struggles to justify struggles they may have. If you notice your child has a similar weakness as you, work on improving it with them, instead of passing it off as ‘just the way you are.’
 
2. You are their safe place.
Every now and then, kids will get their feelings hurt at recess or they’ll feel sick, nervous, etc. and they will need some extra attention. Not in every instance – but in many – they will want to talk to their mom or dad. You’re usually who they think of first when they feel sad or upset. You provide a comfort for them that very few others have the ability to provide.
 
3. They act like you!
This may not be a surprise to any, but I am always fascinated when I get to see or talk with parents. Even your most subtle mannerisms are picked up and imitated by your kids.
 
4. They want to impress you.
I love watching kids’ faces when they hear me, or somebody else, complimenting them to you. Usually they look at you expectantly with a smile, or beaming in a way that says “Yay! I’m making my parents proud!” I have had many students who can’t wait to bring even the most minor assignment home just so they can show you how well they did!
 
5. The phrase ‘do what I say and not what I do’ doesn’t go very far.
Sure, you can probably find a way to scare them into making certain choices, but the second they are free to make their own decisions, they will do what has been modeled. They’re smart, and very observant! If you want your child to act a certain way, the best way to get them to believe you are serious about it is to act that way yourself.
 
6. They’re deep.
They like to have conversations about life, the news, God, history, friendships, etc. These topics come up because they want to talk about it, not because I bring them up! See what happens when you ask your kids a deep question. They may be young, but their minds are incredible!
 
7. They can be taught compassion.
Kids have HUGE hearts. When they start to learn what it feels like to serve other people, they get hooked. Exposing them to opportunities where they can show kindness to others will instill that quality early on, causing them to be the type of person that can change the world!
 
8. They are loyal to you.
Even if you are a foot shorter than another kid’s dad, your kid will be convinced you will dominate him in a basketball game. Even if you can’t tell a joke worth your life, your child will think you are the funniest. Despite what you can or cannot offer your child, they think you are the coolest adult alive.
 
9. They can hear you.
They might seem clueless sometimes but they do hear [and oftentimes understand] what you are saying… Enough said 🙂
 
10. They see the good in you more than you see the good in yourself.
They will relay a ‘funny’ joke you told them. They will choose you when asked to write about their hero. They talk about the times they get to spend with you, not about the times they don’t. They don’t focus on your shortcomings, mistakes, or negative experiences because that’s not how they see you. Even in those moments you feel like you have failed them, your kids still think the world of you. So have grace for yourself, and continue to love your kids and parent them as best as you know how. Chances are pretty good that you’re doing a better job than you realize!

Categories
Home Marriage Parenting

5 Ways Moms and Wives are Changing the World

 
This one is for the ladies out there, for the mommies and wives. You are called to change the world! I want to take just a few moments to encourage you today to keep going. As I headed to Starbucks to work today after dropping my son to preschool, I thought to myself, I am just a mommy trying to change the world. I, like so many other women, wear many hats. I have the joy of leading a mentorship program and international ministry, directing a consulting and coaching business, and then have the honor of being married to an ambitious amazing man of God and mommy to two of the world’s most delightful children.
 
Out of everything I do, I have realized that being a mom and a wife  in this season are the most important. Don’t get me wrong, it is important I fulfill the call of God on my life, advance my career and make money. But, being a wife and a mother has a great rewards that we often overlook and here are 5 of them:
 
1. As a wife and a mother– You partner with God in birthing the destinies of your children and the hopes of your spouse. Moms are wired to find treasure in people and propel them.
 
2. As  a mother– You help teach children about who God is; you get to release the legacy of God through your children. You raise arrows that will go and transform nations.
 
3. As a wife– You have the honor of loving a man, holding his deepest secrets, pains and goals and then turning them into triumphs. Every man just needs one woman to believe in them to change the world, and you have the privilege of doing that as a wife.
 
4. As a wife and mother– You get to create a place of peace and joy. You can open your home up to those who have no families, who are poor in spirit, and by your decorations, cooking and loving hugs, you can heal hearts.
 
5. As a wife and mother– You have the gift of femininity, the super power that is fierce yet gentle. You can cut heads off in the spirit through your prayers and disarm the most powerful of men with your smile and hugs. You have been wired to change the world through your gentle touch and wisdom.  You are wired for greatness, even if you feel like what you are doing is small. Remember, the little ones diaper you are changing could be the next world leader. The hand you are holding at night could be  the greatest revivalist the world has seen.
 
You are important.
Your work is invaluable.
What you are doing is being recorded in heaven. Cheers!

Categories
Home Parenting

When Life Hits Rock Bottom: How We Handled Our Miscarriage

Categories
Parenting

How to Make 'Back to School Time' Enjoyable for Your Family

From a teacher’s perspective, going back to school is bittersweet. There is a lot of excitement attached to starting a new year, but also some heartache as we say goodbye to our good friend, summer.
 
Here are some ideas on how to make the transition easier and pleasant for your family:
 
1. Create an atmosphere of excitement and anticipation
Teachers and students alike sure do love summer! That can make going back to school a challenge…and easy to complain about. See what happens when you focus on the positives of going back to school – ie: what they’re going to learn, getting to see friends everyday, who their teacher will be, fun things that you did when you were their age, etc.
 
2. Make time to be outside and/or move around
I can speak for most teachers when I say that we try to get kids outside and moving as much as possible. However, the reality is, your kids will likely be sitting for a longer period of time than they’re used to. Not only will going outside and getting exercise be good for their health, but also good for everyone’s sanity (teachers included!).
 
3. Focus on your marriage
Your marriage has an effect on your children. The more stable your marriage is, the more stable your kids will be. I don’t know everything about marriage, but I’ve worked with kids enough to know that they notice when something is off between their parents. I guarantee that your kids will benefit from your investment into your marriage!
 
4. Make your kids’ teachers feel valued
Starting out the year intentionally honoring your kids’ teacher will set a great example for how your kids should view them. It also will put the teacher at ease, as it can be slightly nerve- wrecking being responsible for 20-30 lives. Showing that you trust them and are thankful for them does a world of good – for both teachers and students!
 
5. Set goals, and celebrate meeting them
Having incentives will not only keep your kids invested in what happens throughout the school year, but is also a great way for you to stay connected to them.
 
6. Encourage your kids to do random acts of kindness
Communicate with your kids about the importance of serving others, and being a light in their school. I promise you – it’s contagious! I see so much joy within kids when they intentionally make someone’s day.
 
7. Have grace for yourselves and for your kids
Teachers, students, parents…are all human. We’re all bound to mess up at one time or another. Do the best you can, with what you have, in the time you have! School is wonderful and challenging all at once. Take advantage of opportunities to teach your children how to learn from mistakes and don’t be too hard on yourself if you make them every once in a while too.
 
 
Above all else – LOVE your kids. They respect and look up to you more than they may show you. They may not remember all the details from this upcoming school year, but I guarantee they’ll remember how they felt. Choosing to love them (whether you feel like it or not!) will set them up for success.
Happy ‘back to school’ season!

Categories
Finances Parenting

5 Ways to Save on Back to School shopping on a Budget

Class is back in session! While many have already started school and others are yet waiting, parents from all over are brimming with excitement to send their children back to school. August and September mark the beginning of the school year, and as such, school shopping is a primary concern for many parents across the U.S. But no need to fear, I have a great solution for you and your kids to start the school year off prepared… even on a budget. Here are 5 ways to save:
 
#1 it’s never too late-Create a budget and a plan!
So you may have missed your states tax-free weekend… Ideally, you would want to have everything purchased by the first week of school, but that may not have been possible.  With all the last minute summer fun and family outings, somehow back to school shopping slipped your mind or has sunk to the bottom of your list. It’s okay, give yourself a break… it’s not too late! Determine what a reasonable budget is for your household for back to school shopping (including school clothes and supplies) and stick to it. There is always time to get what you need!
 
#2 Make your first purchases the necessities.
If you have to stick to a schedule of when certain things should be purchased, that’s okay! Whether it is a few items of school clothes/uniforms and some supplies, get what you can now and schedule accordingly to get the rest later.  However, start off with the necessities that are appropriate for the age level and the class work they will be doing the first few weeks.
 
#3 Know what’s on the school supply list & prepare accordingly
Many schools publish the list of supplies before school starts and also provide the children with the list during the first week of school. It would be advantageous to check it out and then see what supplies you have lying around the house from previous years that you can use.  Sometimes, everything we need is right in the house under our noses. (Also knowing what’s on the list helps you to do #4.)
 
#4 Check sales papers and watch for deals around town
There are several stores that have enormous back to school sales in August, huge Labor Day sales in September, and some stores even discount many items at a time. I know it may seem tedious, but if a store has all paper and pens for a $1 one week and all binders for a $1 the next week, what does it hurt to know about that sale and get in on the savings fun! ***For clothes shoppers: Knowing the deals also include knowing what stores have layaway and their layaway policy if you need to stretch the budget a bit.
 
#5 Don’t forget about the Internet
Believe it or not, there are some amazing deals on the Internet for not only back to school supplies, but back to school gear as well. Last year, I was able to find great deals on uniforms for my niece because a lot of local uniform stores did not carry what was required for her, but I did find the exact item reasonably priced online.
 
And remember: Be smart. Back to school shopping shouldn’t be just relegated to the months of August and September. Truthfully, as children sprout and grow, school shopping can be all year around! So keep a look out of ongoing sales and deals from your favorite store and take advantage of coupons, big sales/clearance events, and door buster bargains! Not only will it save you money, but it will also alleviate the pressure of having everything done by a certain time.