Category: Communication

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Communication Marriage

Top 4 Things I Learned in 1.5 Years of Marriage

dating or first love, young couple sitting together on the bench, view from the back

I LOVE reflecting. There is something so cool about looking back and seeing how far you have come. Reflection allows you to see progress, and helps you to put language to your future – where you want to go. As my husband and I celebrate 1.5 years of marriage today, here are the recent things I am learning in marriage I wanted to share with all of you.
 
1. The Importance of Follow Through.
Whether it is cleaning the dishes after dinner, fixing the leaking sink, or folding the laundry in the dryer.. when you follow through, it allows you to bring something to completion. It rids one thing off your plate, and avoids the all familiar [procrastination] that creeps in so easily if we let it. When we learn to follow through, it allows you to take control of things in your life instead of letting life continuously happen to you, and facing the potential consequences for not taking care of a task right away.
Example – procrastinating on a bill, forgetting and having a late payment. Leaving the laundry in the dryer, having wrinkled clothes when you want to wear that sweater you left in.
Although it may seem trivial, follow through helps teach you to be a planner and how to instill greater habits and disciplines in your daily routine.
 
2. Appreciation Goes A Long Way.
Thanks for doing the dishes. Thanks for taking the dog out. Thank you for driving tonight. Seem silly? Have you ever heard someone ask you to stop thanking them so much? I know I haven’t. Saying thanks and showing appreciation for your spouse’s actions is a really easy way to acknowledge the things they do, or say. Although praise should not be our motivation, it is nice to be noticed, whether it was intentional or not. Appreciation can remove the bitterness one may feel in taking on an additional household task and alter your spouse’s attitude in a given situation. It shifts the perspective from “I” to “we” as we realize we are working together to make life easier.
Think it’s pointless to have to say thanks for the small things? I can almost guarantee you it will help soften your next fight – to keep the laundry list of “things you didn’t do” out of your argument that you have been waiting to get credit for. So whether the giver or the receiver, remember appreciation goes a LONG way. Think about what you would want to hear, and provide the same support to your spouse.
 
3.  Let Go of Control.
As a single, you get used to doing things a certain way, or maybe at a certain time, and this is how you like it to be done. I remember when we first got married – my husband and I used to fold the bath towels differently. Was it really a big deal? No, but when you are used to something happening a certain way, it can drive you nuts! My advice to all our couples out there – think about what you are trying to control about your spouse.
Is your desire for control or “my way” causing you to take on more than you can handle in the relationship?
Are you inhibiting your husband’s growth or demeaning him as a man because you feel like you are the only one that can complete a task to an acceptable standard?
Is this situation/task detrimental to doing it your way, or will you get the same result if you let him accomplish it his way as well?
Control will drive you to the ground if you let it. For individuals with strong personalities, stepping back can be a hard thing to do. Evaluate what you have on your plate and be aware of what you can and can’t handle, before a blow up happens. Marriage has two people for a reason – start working like a team, not like a boss.
 
4. Communication is Key.
Biggest root of almost every disagreement: miscommunication. Whether it was misinterpreting words, what you “thought” you heard, apparent body language – our perception can greatly alter the result of a situation. Albeit, you and your spouse may not have the same communication styles, but learning each other’s, will help you understand how your spouse operates and how to communicate TOGETHER.
As you develop your functionality as a couple, my advice would be over communication vs. no communication. As a married person, you now have another person to consider. So if your meeting runs late, your friend wants to come over, or you are going to end up spending a little extra money than you expected, giving your spouse a heads up will make them feel valued and a part of the decision instead of feeling as if they didn’t have a voice in the situation, or were left in the dark. As time goes on, you’re expectations of each other will become more clear, and you’ll soon learn what types of things are important to your spouse to be communicated, and which notices you may go without.

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Communication Marriage Parenting Spiritual Intimacy

What Happens When You Get Too Busy for Your Marriage

Black couple distracted by smartphones

My wife and I recently had to shed some commitments as other commitments increased in demand and priority. This is normal; and it is important and healthy to understand your boundaries—where your influence begins and ends. With three kids, a youth ministry, a full-time job, and other demands, we are finally learning how to change the world in ways other than spreading ourselves impossibly thin and being baffled by our limited reach.
Letting go of some responsibility when you’re over-committed is crucial. Eventually we learn to be strategic in where we commit ourselves.
What is not okay, however, is letting your family go by the wayside while other “opportunities” chip away at the enamel of your family integrity. There are consequences. We have all seen a movie where the super-qualified husband chases his dreams, ascending the corporate ladder and achieving mortal greatness while his family quietly decays in the background.
Why does Western culture idolize busyness? Pride. Oh, how important an asset you are to all the intricacies of corporate America when you have to “pencil in” time for your spouse. Way to go! “We all have to make sacrifices.” “It’s for them that you’re working so hard.” “It’s going to be worth it in the end,” we tell ourselves.
Let me politely rain on your parade: This parade was never about you. It’s about others. It’s about Jesus. It’s about projecting the beautiful love of God in real-time, high-definition life where others are wowed by a real demonstration of love that has intervened in human affairs, and wrecked us for eternity. If there’s going to be a parade, it should be us parading the power and love of God throughout culture and society, making His name great.
I know that I’m coming across strong. I don’t want you to miss this, though. As I said, there are real world consequences—in your family—if you get too busy for your marriage.
Consequences include:

  1. You learn to “do without” one another. I knew a couple that worked so hard and long during the week that they had no couple identity. They had individual identity, which of course if important, but they denied the world the power of their companionship because they let everything else take precedence. Yes, in marriage, we are two whole, individual people with specific gifts and talents, but we are also the dynamo of husband and wife that loves God and radiates His glory as a living parable before a broken society!
  2. You don’t have patience for each other anymore. When you learn to do without one another, the presence of the other becomes an inconvenience when you finally are together. When the couple I referred to above retired, there was a new dynamic at play where one was constantly irked by the presence of the other, because they were so accustomed to their own routine.
  3. Someone else pays your spouse the attention he or she should be getting from you. He or she builds up a case in their hearts for emotional infidelity. They make compromises for flirtation, because they are desperately trying to fill a void that your absence leaves behind. Covenant does not allow for distractions. It does not permit you to pawn one another off to the highest bidder.

Here’s my challenge for your marriage: let’s break the busyness addiction. Declare a Sabbath for your family time and let’s take back family nights. Your children and your spouse will never be the same because of it!
 
 

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Communication Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

Forgiveness – It’s Essential for Your Marriage!

Young hipster couple hugging each other in winter forest

The most important skill in maintaining unity as a couple is practicing continual forgiveness. In marriage, couples will make mistakes, disappoint one another, and make some poor decisions. No one can deny that these things will occur. The only way to keep a marital relationship growing in the midst of our humanity is to forgive continually. The apostle Paul gave us an incredible challenge in the Word of God, located in Colossians 3:13:
Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you (The Message Bible).
Walking in complete forgiveness in a marriage requires couples to hold nothing against each other and decide to make a daily commitment to practice forgiveness as a lifestyle. Great marriages happen because couples learn never to stop apologizing to and forgiving one another. Couples are to “be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32, LASB).

  • Forgiveness begins when couples choose to treat each other the same way that they would want God to treat them. It is when couples extend undeserved mercy that God extends His mercy to them.

 

  • Forgiveness frees you to go forward in life and forward in your relationship. It is a vertical, private act between you and God. Reconciliation is a horizontal act between people who have been separated by a hurt or grievance. Forgiveness and reconciliation work together to protect the integrity and love of a marital relationship. Continually forgiving your mate is all about the Lord’s grace, love, and mercy covering your marriage, through forgiveness, as a powerful testimony of His Glory.

 

  • Forgiveness helps couples to want the best for each other, because being bitter and resentful extracts the love, joy, and peace from your marriage.

 

  • Forgiveness is expensive – it cost Christ His life to die for the world’s imperfection. But the payoff was priceless because no amount of money can ever repay that kind of gift of love! When couples grasp how much God loves them when extending grace and unconditional love to each other, they will experience a marriage that overflows with God’s love.

 

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Communication Dating/Courting Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

What I Learned When My Wife Was Hurting

Man comforting his sad mourning friend embracing her in a park

Recently, I woke up. The cloud of busyness that I had been encapsulated in finally dissipated, and I was left to realize that my wife really needed me, but I had been too distracted. I wept and repented when I realized that my oblivion had left her vulnerable and wide open. I’m her covering. This is what I signed up for: to love, honor, and cherish Sarah.
I am going to love and cover my wife, the way Jesus loves and covers His Church. (Ephesians 5:25)
In the instance of seeing my role as my wife’s servant leader and protector, I realized that a husband loving his wife as Jesus loves His Church is her greatest champion. Her mighty man. I love turning the tables of modern manhood and seeing my wife, not I, as the one who should be displayed. Peter tells us that wives are the “weaker vessel.”
Not weak, though, in the sense of being defenseless and unstable. A better translation would be delicate. This phrase in Greek literally means fine china. (1 Peter 3:7)
In this moment of drawing a line—no, a trench—in the sand: vowing to protect and lead my wife with love, respect, attention, and to love her with abandon, I came to realize three truths about when my wife is hurting.

 1. What hurts her, hurts me.

When a husband sheds his passivity like a worn, overused garment, it is refreshing. I tore off that indifference with a vengeance when I saw that I had turned a blind eye to my wife’s pain—and it seared like an iron when I learned this. To love your wife as Christ loves His Church is to feel such empathy for her pain that you clench your fists until your knuckles whiten , and you shout through clenched teeth, “Give it to me, Lord, if it will take it off of her!”

 2. The enemy of her soul better watch his back.

The next swelling emotion that I experienced after feeling her pain was anger and fury towards the enemy of her soul, who tries to rob her peace and stifle her joy. Your wife was not created to be a victim. She was created to represent the beauty, grace, and strength of God to the world. When the enemy tries to choke out that vibrant life that God fused into her soul, you—like me—will roar. And roar you must. The battered woman image is a façade that undermines the dignity and value that God bestowed upon women. Rebuke the enemy and glorify the name of Jesus in her midst! When your wife is too weary to cry out her battle cry, then cry it out for her.

 3. Whoever blesses her, blesses me.

Finally the storm subsided. Friends and mentors gather around her and you get “tagged out” to rest so others could surround her. This happened to me. A spiritual mother and sisters in her life came to her side and spoke truth over my wife’s heart. My joy returned because her joy returned. God knows this sentiment. Genesis 12:3 tells of God’s burning heart for Israel, how those who bless Israel will be blessed by God. Why? Because He is so invested in His people that when others pour into Israel, He cannot help but pour out His love in return. The Lord is the ultimate example of a husband: He is the Champion of His Bride, and what blesses her, blesses Him—causing Him in return to bless.
Husbands, let’s champion our wives’ position in the Kingdom and defend her against the lies and libels that the enemy tries to place upon her!
 
 
 

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Communication Marriage Physical Intimacy Spiritual Intimacy

3 Ways to Recharge Your Marriage

Cute black couple talking and holding hands

Couples can be so busy with the demands of life that they forget to create moments of intimacy as a means of recharging and refreshing their relationship. In fact, many marriages suffer because couples do not reset their perspectives and connect with one another on a regular basis (Proverbs 29:18). Spending quality time with your spouse keeps the fire of intimacy burning continually in your marriage. It also helps couples to re-center their marriage and refresh their hearts for one another.
When God’s love is the motivation for quality time in marriages, it creates amazing intimacy and growth. Don’t let “the unimportant” outweigh the importance of building a great marriage. I have learned that making a priority of spending time together creates meaningful and memorable moments that strengthen your bond and adds depth to your marriage for the years to come. Here are three ways to make quality time a top priority in your marriage:

  1. Take the time to dream together. Amos 3:3 says how can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction? Spending quality time is the perfect time to talk, dream, pray, and seek God about His vision and direction for your marriage. Spend time worshipping and thanking God for all that He has done in your marriage. Taking a relaxing walk in a park, on the beach, or in your neighborhood as you dream with one another creates connection and communication without boundaries as you grow closer to Jesus and each other.
  1. Have romantic date nights and spontaneous getaways. This means turning off cell phones and laptops to devote your undivided attention and enjoy one another. Date nights and spontaneous getaways don’t have to be expensive. Take a weekend drive to try a new restaurant, go to a movie and have coffee afterwards, or make a romantic dinner together and cuddle. Whatever you do, be adventurous, laugh a lot, and most importantly, have fun (Proverbs 17:22)!
  1. Write love notes. Surprise your spouse with love notes in secret places like in a book they are reading, in their lunch for work, or on their steering wheel to find during their drive to work. An unexpected love note in the morning can create awesome evenings of intimacy and quality time to keep the passion in your marriage (Col 3:14).

Wherever you are in your marriage, it is never too late to make the commitment to spending quality time with your spouse. Find ways to keep the fire of intimacy burning in your relationship. What other ways can you and your spouse be intentional in your marriage and spend quality time with each other?
 
 
 
 
 

Categories
Communication Home Marriage

4 Reasons Why Melania Needs to Move Into the White House With Donald

Washington, D.C. at the White House.

Recently there has been buzz that Melania will not be moving into the White House. I hear she will be staying  in their New York Penthouse. One of the reasons I read was that she did not want to disrupt her son, who had been through a lot during the past several months as his father campaigned. While I believe it is important to have consistency for our children, I was concerned about the tone of the article. What the writer kept reiterating is that Melania is very close to her son, and she is very worried about her son. While this is commendable and sounds beautiful, I think it is also important to consider her husband. Now I do not know the dynamics of their marriage, and I know with the money they have, they can easily fly to and fro between New York and DC daily, but here are my reasons why I think couples should always live together. Especially when one is going to have such a stressful job as commander-in-chief of the most powerful nation in the world.
1. Living in the same house allows you to walk together as “one”, you run the house together, you sleep in the same bed, you see each other daily.
2. The enemy loves division- If there are any areas in a couple’s life where there is separation or division the enemy can use it as access into the marriage, the couple must always fight for togetherness.
3. While our children are important, we can not put them before our spouse. If our marriages are happy and healthy so will our children be.
4. Attacks intimacy- When people live in different homes, the sexual intimacy is more difficult as well as the emotional intimacy, living in one house allows access to other person in times of emotional and sexual needs.
It is important to know that the number one thing the enemy hates in marriage is unison or agreement, scripture tells us where two or three walk together, God is in the mist. We also know that two people can not be equally yoked unless they are walking in the same direction and in agreement. Am I saying their marriage won’t work?, no of course not. I just know there will have more obstacles to jump through living in different homes.

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Communication Marriage Spiritual Intimacy

Three Ways the Modern Husband is Coming Undone

670992

The American Joke

In 2016 alone, I’ve seen three extremely strong marriages of people we are close to, crumble to nothingness –two of which are ending in bitter, brutal divorce. Is it her or is it him? Can we all agree that the way that Americans and probably Westerners do life is just plain insane? We run at a very reckless 10,000,000 miles an hour, exhausted and pushed to our max with the laughable attempt at balancing living for Jesus, work, family, friendships, dreams, meanwhile we wonder why something fails.
This pace in which we live is akin to juggling five 100 pound backpacks, riding a unicycle on a trapeze at 75 miles an hour, over an 8,000 foot precipice.
And we toss stones when someone falls? Explain that one to me, please.
And allow me to get off topic for a minute: we were never meant to add Jesus to the “juggling act.” He isn’t an addendum to our lives. He is Life; and the moment we seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness, we begin to realize that all things are falling into place!
Wives, men today aren’t stupid. Husbands, women today aren’t demented. We are busy. We are over-worked, worried, overly overwhelmed. We’re just tired (among other things).

Men’s Problems Today

But something happens, sometimes, in the fray: we get frayed. In that place of constant battering, some men react poorly. I’m not saying that these apply to every man, but a great many, certainly.
Here are three ways that I see modern husbands coming undone:

  1. Men are distracted. Some men bury themselves in video games; others dive into hunting or fishing. Hobbies are excellent and even crucial to be able to decompress from life’s stresses. But the problems arise when men stop seeing their wives; wives become invisible, because men are too involved in escapism.
  2. Men are passive. Passivity is a problem in American men. Since when is it OK to watch your family fall apart, while you shake your head in disbelief, but don’t rise up and take threats to your family by the horns? Men don’t lead; they stay at home from church and let their wives plead with them to give church one more try. I understand discouragement. I understand dismay, but many men would rise above their problems if they would only stand and lead.
  3. Men have their priorities backwards. Men today are willing to roar like lions in the football stands, but run like sheep in the Church. Husbands can manage their jobs with precision and skill, but managing their home life doesn’t take precedence. Men, it’s time to have a vision for your family as big as, or bigger than your vision for your future.

These don’t represent every man, but I would say that most men struggle with one or more of them. Husbands, seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness. Women, don’t be discouraged by your husbands, but continue to affirm his place of sonship in the Kingdom.
Husbands, we are seeing a cultural decline in the West. What would happen if more men caught the vision of God for their families, and loved their wives and kids—with the knowledge that doing family life well can literally shape a culture?
 
 
 
 

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Communication Marriage Physical Intimacy Spiritual Intimacy

2 Ways to Establish Healthy Boundaries to Protect Your Marriage

Cheerful couple behind table at home

Establishing healthy boundaries is essential to protect your marriage against temptation from the enemy. Proverbs 22:3 shares that “the prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.” Healthy boundaries are like guardrails and safeguards that promote the health, sacredness, and integrity of your relationship. The enemy will use infidelity to steal, kill, and destroy your marriage (John 10:10). It is important that couples use wisdom, recognizing temptation and red flags before they start to be intentional about cultivating a strong marriage that withstands the enemy’s tactics.
Here are two ways to establish healthy boundaries:
1.  Online boundaries: Being mindful of time spent on the Internet and social media is a safety net to guard against infidelity. Giving more attention to online activities versus your relationship is a recipe for disaster. Also, freely sharing your passwords is a safeguard that promotes integrity and transparency to avoid the tricks of the enemy. After all, love and respect for your spouse means being honest and devoting more time to nurturing your spouse and your relationship. Establishing a set time of turning off phones and computers shows your spouse that they are cherished, important, and worth your attention.
Your friendship with your spouse is important to cultivate a healthy marriage as well. The enemy enjoys using your past to derail your present and future. Something else to consider is rekindling past relationships on the Internet and social media. Honoring God and your spouse at all costs means not reliving your past to prevent present damage to your marriage’s future.
2. Personal boundaries: Any interactions with the opposite sex can be an avenue that the enemy uses to deliberately destroy your marriage. This includes interactions and meetings in person, via email, social media, and phone, etc. Sometimes spouses can entertain the lie of the enemy that “it is okay if your spouse doesn’t know or one meeting won’t hurt anything.” This creates distrust and doorways that the enemy can use to sabotage your union. As a safeguard, intentionally involving your spouse during interactions and meetings can deter the enemy’s plans. Remember, transparency is the key!
Establishing online and personal boundaries will protect your marriage at all costs, building a strong and healthy relationship. What practical boundaries would you consider adding to your list?

Categories
Communication Dating/Courting Marriage Single Spiritual Intimacy

Three Qualities of a Marriage Built to Last

Exotic african bride and groom holding hands on the terrace.

I remember being where you are—watching married couples interact and imagining myself in that situation. One day. One day that may be me. As I was courting the girl I loved, who is now my wife, I consumed any and all material I could find about marriage. Young singles often take the “marriage buffet line:” picking and choosing the good and the bad from among the thousands of relationships on display before their eyes.
As a young single, I would attend weddings and overhear the bride telling their story to her friends, as they gathered around to hear what attracted them to one another. “He’s cute, funny, and smart,” was the most common among women. “She’s pretty, funny, and smart,” was common among men. That’s great, and I don’t intend to sound judgmental, but really? That’s what you’re building your future on? If we’re being realistic, cats are cute, funny, and smart!
Sarah and I invited marriage mentors into our lives and subjected them to a cascade of questions! In a world where #relationshipgoals is a constant, trending topic, young minds are saturated by qualities to emulate for their marriage, for when it’s their turn.
But what are realistic, yet high standards for a rock-solid marriage?
I could create an itemized list thousands of would-be qualities that make a marriage great, but I’ve narrowed down three rock-solid qualities of a marriage built to last, that Christian couples everywhere should make their #relationshipgoals. Spoiler alert: This list does not include cute, funny, or smart:
1. Joyful, intimate friendship. I hate that “he/she is my best friend,” has become so cliché. It is a precious thing when it’s true. It is actually rarer than we realize. Strive for intimate friendship, as you look forward towards marriage. My wife truly is my go-to, my partner in crime, and my confidant. Even though we know one another extremely well, she still fascinates me. I can honestly say that there is no one else I want by my side. Yes, we disagree at times. There is not always perfect harmony, because we are two flawed, opinionated people. But at the end of the day, she is a safe place and a warm home for me.
2. Honest, loving communication. Many marriages have the “honest” part down. Remember: it’s “trendy” to speak your mind. Well, the Lord isn’t interested in you regurgitating your flawed, carnal mind to your spouse, where your words can inflict deep, heinous scars. The biblical way is to “speak the truth in love.” (Eph. 4:15) Observe and emulate couples who know the deep and hidden places of their spouse, yet choose to honor the workmanship that the Maker has wrought in them. These couple couldn’t care two cents about being right, but they have all the passion in the world to use communication to edify one another and contribute to the glorious masterpiece that God is creating in them.
3.  Dynamic, cherished partnership with the Lord. I knew a phenomenal older couple who made their morning coffee, turned on worship music, and fervently adored their Savior together. Their voices rang in worship, and tears flooded their eyes, and they were intimate friends of the Living God! Then, after spending the morning together in worship, they partnered hand in hand with God in ministry to countless broken, enslaved people. They moved in sync with God and each other. The world has seen too few of these treasured power couples, but just imagine what the world would think if married couples of this caliber were on every street!
God’s best is better than the shallow examples of the world. Let’s elevate our expectations in marriage. Let’s “come up higher” and emulate marriage God’s way.

Categories
Communication Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage Single

What to Do When You Discover It's Love

Five years before my wife became my wife, we were stuck in summer school together. Our school had cubicles lining the walls and she was two cubicles away from where I sitting. I feel bad for the poor, innocent soul who sat in the cubicle between ours; he was stuck right in the middle of two star-struck teens, in the thick of our teen angst.
We would toss little notes of wadded graph paper back and forth between cubicles. We did this all summer long; it’s how we passed our time! But one day, it all changed. Sarah wasn’t even my girlfriend at the time, but there was obvious chemistry between us. I knew how I felt, but was far too afraid to tell her—and even more terrified to discover how she felt.
This little game of ours went on without a hitch—until one day, our safe little world was cracked wide open. After a fun night hanging out with our friends, she looked at me differently as she got back into her car. The next day, she was obviously being tormented by some distant musings. I asked her if anything was wrong, but she couldn’t give me a straight answer. I was frustrated and bewildered by the complexity of the female mind, and returned to my little cubicle, none the wiser.
As our four-hour summer classes ended that day, that familiar little wadded up ball of paper landed on my desk—but this time, with a thud. This one changed my world. “I’m OK, Dan. I just never expected to fall in love with my best friend.”
What? Excuse me, WHAT?!
True Love’s Aftermath
As I went to work after that stunning revelation that Sarah was in love…with me…my mind was awhirl with questions, and joy, and terror.
When you discover that the individual that you’ve been pining after with trembling hands and heart ablaze feels the same way, everything changes. Navigating the precarious waters of being in love is a beautiful, yet delicate situation.
I’d like to help you out. When you discover that it’s love, remember these three things: recall your standards, act with chivalry, and stay calm.
Recall Your Standards.
When you fall in love, it is so easy and very tempting to follow your heart. As romantic and poetic as this notion sounds, the biblical principle is to follow the Holy Spirit. Your heart is still in process and development. In the nostalgic and whimsical realm of love, I had to remember what true love looks like, which is often to protect your relationship and your hearts, at the expense of impulsivity. Remember your vows of purity, and adhere to them. It is easy to fall to prey to impulses when your heart suppresses your rationale.
Act with Chivalry.
I knew that I had Sarah wrapped around my finger, and she knew she had me at her beck and call, also. It would have been easy for me to act on instinct, rather than respect. Don’t allow your flesh to mute your chivalry. Serve him or her. Be honest. Be the you that he or she fell in love with.
Stay Calm.
When that bomb dropped and I learned of Sarah’s true feelings for me, I panicked. What if I couldn’t sustain her feelings? What if she got to know me more intimately, and learned that I was more human than she had originally thought? These thoughts are normal. What I learned instead was to take it step by step, day by day. Your significant other fell in love with you. Not your superhero alter ego! Understand that, yes, your companion will see your flaws, but true love will pick up where infatuation leaves off.