Guest Writer: Holly Loube
1. When you notice good fruit, mention it.
The love of God in our lives causes us to bear good fruit. You know like, patience, kindness, self-control and all those things we aren’t exactly born with. As we grow in Christ, the good fruit becomes more evident. So, when you see good fruit, compliment it.
Sometimes we think good thoughts, but never actually vocalize them. Since people can’t read minds however, these thoughts need to be brought to life. (I know one thing for sure– whenever I’m eating a particularly good-looking fruit, I don’t just take a picture for Instagram…I come up with the perfect caption to describe the fruit too. Just saying.)
2. Bring honor back!
Sometimes we get too comfortable with people and begin to take them for granted. Try to remain grateful that they are willing to listen and give you their attention. Talk to them how you talked to them when y’all first met. (Unless of course that was rude, in which case- abort mission!)
3. Retire “I told you so.”
If being right meant that much to you, you’d just be single. We shouldn’t take pride in being right. When someone apologizes for being wrong, react humbly. More than likely, there is something you could apologize for too. (Like that rude thing you said when y’all first met.)
4. Hope for the best, prepare for the…best.
If you go into the conversation looking for a problem, that’s just what you’ll find. Expect to have edifying conversations that mirror the gentleness and humility of Jesus. (Bonus: This tip also applies to shopping. If you walk into a store looking for the sale rack, you will find it. Warning! Avoid the display window at all costs, those are trends. You don’t need trends. YOU set trends. You are a trend.)
5. Sleep on it.
Think before you speak. The quickest reaction isn’t always the best reaction. In an “instant” world, we can neglect taking time to come up with an even slightly informed response. (Note: If it takes you longer to come up with an Instagram caption to perfectly describe an epic pineapple than it does to give a rational response to someone you’re committed to, well you, my friend, are in a relationship with a fruit.)
6. Above all, love.
Because love covers a multitude of sins. And, quite frankly, dating fruit is totally overrated.
Holly Loube is just an ordinary girl who enjoys taking long walks. She once wandered so far off her path that light turned into darkness and she completely lost her vision. Just when she thought she would never see again, she looked up and saw Jesus. He reached for her hand and she never let it go again. Her desire is for everyone she meets to feel a sense of belonging and purpose. She enjoys juicing and eating Maryland blue crabs. She refers to her writing as “worship disguised as words.” Holly is a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend and a bride-to-be! She blogs athttp://hollylooyablog.blogspot.com/.
Category: Communication
Guest Writer: Marymagdaline Onyango
I have a few daily reminders that I set on my phone to keep me thankful and present. It is always helpful to have reminders that keep you cognizant of what is most important throughout your day. These four reminders pop up on my cell-phone screen throughout my day:
1. Trust God.
Throughout the day, especially as I am heading to work, I have to remind myself that when I face challenges, or I’m not sure what exactly I should be doing, all I need to do is trust God. If I am obedient to Him, if I always listen and talk to the Lord and the Holy Spirit, I know that I am always protected. He’s got my back and we are in this together. I can’t go back and do it right the second time, this is it. That is why relying on God and trusting in Him is so important; I have to allow him to guide me. This alarm goes off multiple times a day, the first being right when I start my work day.
2. Submit to God, NOT your feelings and Flesh (!!!)
This reminder gets three explanation points. I have to remember to die to my flesh daily, and refuse to let the devil win. One thing I’ve realized is that the more and more I become comfortable in the word and with Christ and submitting in my relationship; the more and more the devil tries to infiltrate my life. When he sees you coming closer to fulfilling that purpose, and the devil wants you to fail. Sometimes I have to yell at the devil and bring in my Armor (Ephesians 6 10:18). Literally, I’ll be at a stoplight, I’ll hear the devil trying to infiltrate my thoughts and l will say out loud in the car, “nope, not today and not ever devil.” Then in my mind, I have this whole armor around me which brings me peace.
3. Reminders for my fiancé.
It’s important to me that I speak to my fiancé in his love language, making sure to continually love and support him always. Speaking and expressing my care for him in his love language is very important to me, this is why I have little reminders in my phone to do just that. It shouldn’t be used as a daily job, or the only way you express love in your partner’s love language, but more as a fun surprise for both you and him. I’ve set this reminder up for many different times and various days. The same reminder is not set for every day, as it would become monotonous to me if it was. They are random, which keeps things fun. I didn’t want it to come off as calculated or an obligation, but rather a reminder of what our love has done in my life and how thankful and appreciative I am. These reminders on your phone can take various forms, and it is important to do so in a way that reminds you to be thankful, trust God and love the love God has blessed you with.
4. Read and Pray.
As we get closer to our wedding date, we both wanted to make sure that we were continuing to align ourselves with God. Reading the bible and praying are an integral part of keeping that alignment. I set this reminder for right when I’m winding down at night. For some people this may work best in the morning. This is time I use to finish a bible study plan, or commit to a 21 day reading fast, or simply spend time with God. It’s nice that no matter where I am, and that reminder pops up on my phone, I know I need to stop whatever I’m doing and spend that quality time with Him.
I encourage you today to decide what is important to you and your season and set reminders on your phone to make sure you are staying focused on those things! Our phone is something we always have on us, so let’s use that for to our advantage and for our growth.
Born and raised in Virginia, with deep Kenyan roots, Marymagdaline has always considered herself a lover of two homes, one in East Africa and the other in Virginia. A recent graduate from the University of Virginia with a Bachelors of Arts in African and African American Studies and Foreign Affairs with an African Concentration, she now lives in the Washington, DC area working in the non-profit sector. She has a passion for young women and girls and has traveled to Trinidad, Australia, Dominican Republic, Kenya, India, and Europe to volunteer and connect with women across the globe. Since graduation her heart was convicted by the Lord to start her blog www.prayactthink.com to help and minister to young women through her life experiences and the word of the Lord. She met her now Fiancé a few years ago, right when God knew she needed him the most, and will soon be married. They both love to guide and mentor others to help them fulfill their God-led purpose.
I’m her husband. I truly try to invest into my marriage, but I’m also 100% fallible and notoriously accident prone. One time when we were courting, we strolled under a canopy of trees as gale-force winds took down several branches. Sarah watched helplessly as a thick, seven foot limb plummeted towards me. She shrieked, and I obliviously took three large strides forward as the monstrous limb shattered only feet behind me.
Similarly, I would say that many husbands, yes, even Christian husbands cluelessly gallivant through their marriages, narrowly escaping disaster with no one to thank but the Lord Himself. We mean well and try hard, but sometimes fail.
These three mistakes are all too common among Christian husbands:
1. Being too passive. Passivity is a serious issue that needs to be addressed. For a plethora of causes, husbands are passive in their spiritual leadership, passive in their jobs, passive in their household responsibilities, or passive towards their wives. A passive man is like an aloof man walking under dead limbs on a windy day.
As Christian husbands, we sometimes fail to rise to a challenge by refusing to confront what keeps us, our wives, or our families from growing in the Lord, all in the name of waiting for it to “pan out.” Some trials call for us to “wake” Jesus to calm the storm; other times demand that we command the mountain to be removed. (Mk. 4:35-41, Mk. 11:23) Whatever it is, men (and women) of God need to be bold as lions! (Proverbs 28:1)
2. Being too aggressive. When we were in Bible school, my wife was immersed full-time in corporate America and I went to Bible school full-time and worked 24-30 hours a week. My wife was removed from the “spiritual bubble” that I was in. As I was pumped full of faith and boldness, my wife felt spiritually malnourished and exhausted. “Have no fear, I’ll save you!” I thought. I rushed in and force-fed my wife with power-packed sermons. One day, in her exasperation, she said to me, “Dan, I don’t need a pastor, I need a husband.” Boldness is not synonymous with hardness. No, she doesn’t want you to lambast her with out-of-context Scriptures, but she does want you to nurture her, cover her, and demonstrate true sincerity and pure devotion in your love for her. There are times when she needs the bold warrior in you to rise up and slay dragons; just don’t assume that it’s every time.
3. Being too “optimistic.” I’ve heard many Christian wives complain about their husbands’ inability to face trials because they adapt an escapist’s Christianity, meaning they refuse to deal with shortfalls in their personal lives, children’s lives, or marriages, and they chalk it up to “God has it under control.” In the context of marriage, husbands are often guilty of getting out the “repair kit” and “fixing” the problems at hand, rather than slowing down and asking the Lord what He desires to accomplish.
Yes, friends, God does have it under control, but He also dispatched His remnant on planet earth to represent His heart for the nations and champion victory in our lives! “False optimism” often has its root in passivity. So, the next time you watch your house descend into chaos, remember that the Lord is counting on you to restore order and tranquility to your home.
I Timothy 3: 4-5 – “He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?)”
Question: What do you think? What mistakes do you see yourself making as a Christian husband, or what mistakes do you see Christian husbands making?
Have you noticed the underlying theme in marriage vows? Although a lot of people write their own marriage vows today, the traditional one says, “I take thee, (spouse), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part…”
I see a theme of humility in these vows–a mutual humility. Humility in marriage is unfortunately a rarity today . But, I think the best and strongest marriages have a foundation of mutual humility–an attitude that thinks more highly of the other person than of oneself, an attitude that is willing to listen, defer, please and respect the other.
I wrote a blog post several weeks ago and one of the reactions I suspected I might see was Pride. There were several people who commented there was no way they thought a man should ever train their wife, even though I shared in the comments the power of how my wife trains me. I had other people immediately message me privately and tell me that training is the wrong word and that I should have used another word.
I challenged that assertion because I don’t want such a great word as training to be hijacked. Training is simply instructing and assisting someone who wants to become better at something. Several people shared with me that they realized the reason they didn’t like the word train was because they were prideful. A couple individuals even said that after thinking about it more, they went to their spouses, and even told their spouses, that they are open to be trained by their spouse.
That is beautiful. Do you see the power in that statement “They are open.”
The greatest employees I’ve worked with were also the most humble people I worked with. Two people come to mind first, and they are both unbelievably successful now, which I could foresee over a decade ago. They exuded humility because they would often come into my meetings and say words like this, “What do I need to improve on?” “Is there anything you think I should change or focus more on?” “Give me the truth, how was that last session I led, etc?” They showed that they were humble, wanted to grow, and were willing to be trained. They were open to input from others. Do you have that same spirit in your marriage?
Men, if you were to ask your wife to rate you on a scale of 1-10 on your pride vs. teachability in marriage, what would she give you? Find a time this week to ask her.
Here are 2 ways to know if you are bringing pride into your Marriage:
1. Have you ever said comments like this:
I’m not going to spend my whole life being corrected.
I’m an independent person.
I don’t need anyone to teach me anything.
I’ve already heard this before.
Don’t tell me how to live my life.
You’re always correcting me. Focus on yourself instead of me.
Yes, I am playing video games, but you go shopping all the time.
These comments show a closed heart of pride, an unwillingness to consider someone else’s input, and an underlying suspicion that anyone who offers advice or assistance is doing so because of ill-intent. Instead determine to have these words on your lips:
Thank you for loving me enough to share that with me.
What wisdom do you see that I’m lacking in this area?
I failed you again, but I’m committed to learning, growing, and changing.
Please help me by sharing what you feel I need to change.
Thank you.
What do you think should I do?
2. You are agitated, irritable, and often defensive with your spouse
Guys, it is awesome that your wife is different than you! It is good that she thinks differently and has unique gifts and differing strengths than you. Value those differences instead letting frustration or pride grow because of them. For example, instead of wishing she was more organized, be grateful that she is a gifted leader. Instead of wishing she didn’t bring up your spending habits, be grateful that she cares enough about the family finances to want to help you with it. Instead of hoping she doesn’t ask about your lack of interaction with the kids, be grateful God has given you someone to challenge you to be a greater dad than you were yesterday.
Repent of being irritable and defensive to your spouse and start to focus on the strengths she has that you don’t. Pride will slowly start to melt in your life if you do this.
If at some point during the reading of this post, you may have become angry at the words written. If so, that is a good indicator that pride is alive in your life. If it is in your life, then it probably it is in your marriage.
Question: What day this week are you going to ask your spouse about the Pride in your marriage?
Like most women who didn’t enter into their marriages in piety, I was not a virgin when I met my husband.
Honestly, even if I was, I probably would not have made it to the alter a virgin.
I fell deeply in love very quickly and let’s just say, I couldn’t keep my latest promise to God.
My man and I had fun. We spent weekends in bed, ordering food, and staying up long enough to satisfy each other. It was as amazing as it was damning. We both knew what we were doing was wrong, even though it was soooo good.
Now that we are married, sex has taken on a new form. It is more than just fun. It is transforming.
Everything I thought I’d never be able to do (due to lack of flexibility) God has somehow given me the strength to do.
As weird as it might sound, I think the youth pastor from my old church was right, “Sex is better after you pray!” The euphoric feeling of confirming that we are one sends me over the top every time. The way we touch goes far beyond what I’ve experienced in the past.
According to my current pastor, “Sex is meant for procreation.” Apparently, it is not meant to be enjoyable or done in any other position but missionary. He is right, God says that we must “multiply,” but he also made sex a significant part of marriage.
Sex is the joining of two souls. In the end, you walk away with a piece of that person. “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’” (1 Corinthians 6:16). This is why sex should only be between man and wife. It is spiritual, not just of the flesh.
I remember discussing sex with another woman from my church and I said that the first form of sex involved God, Adam and Eve. She considered me a weirdo from that point on, but she wasn’t able to see past the negative connotation of sex. What I meant, though, was that God’s definition of sex is two souls coming together to create something new. When God made Eve, he joined his soul with Adam to create her. He took Adam’s rib and from His breath formed a new being.
The beauty of that encounter is the same way we Christians need to see sex.
It is not something nasty or wrong, as long as you’re with the right person.
It is the one thing that only married couples should do, so why should we act as if it is wrong? For appearances? As long as my bedroom/bathroom/whatever room I’m in’s door can lock, no one can see me. Yes, God can but the wonderful, amazing ecstasy of it was also created by Him, why wouldn’t He want us to like it?
I won’t lie, there are times when I’m going the extra mile that I feel guilty, but the word says that his body belongs to me and my body belongs to him.
It also says that I must be submissive to him, servicing him in the way he requires. I am a woman that is intent on following the word. So whatever he requires, wherever, and however he requires it, I will give it to him.
Because he is mine and I am his and it shall remain that way.