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Communication Home Single

5 Signs That He Is Into You

married couple talking while having a breakfast time outdoors

We all know the age old saying “Men Are From Mars and Women are From Venus” which basically symbolizes how different the sexes are, and it couldn’t be more true. It’s far easier for me to communicate and understand the emotional cues of my female friends than of my male friends. Which could be due to obvious reasons; given that I am a female myself, but these differences really attribute to why relationships take work. Men and women assess, communicate and deal with things differently. I can’t recall how often I’ve had conversations with my girlfriends about whether or not a guy is into them. And after having several of these “deep, philosophical, analytical talks,” and coming down to the root of the problem, along with personal experiences  of my own; I’ve come to realize, that men are not that complex, and that is no offense to men, but a relief for women. Here are some ways to tell if a guy is into you.
1.  He Initiates Conversation– We live in a day where communication is readily at our fingertips; literally. Regardless of how busy we are, we check our phones multiple times a day. If a guy is into you he won’t leave you hanging for hours after you’ve texted him, or go several days without texting/calling you. We are never too busy to make time for the things we care about.
 
2.  He Tells People About You- If a guy is into you he will mention you to his family and friends. We like to talk about the good things that are happening in our lives, and if you mean something to him, and he sees a potential future, he will let the people in his life know.
 
3.  He Treats You Like You Matter- If he makes you a priority by taking you out  or doing the thoughtful things that make you feel like you’re special to him, then he is into you.
 
 4. He Compliments You- I don’t mean just complimenting your physical traits, but complimenting your mind and other qualities you possess, and showing genuine interest in your passions, talents and hobbies.
 
 5. He Tells You He’s Into You- A mature man isn’t afraid to tell you how he feels about you. And even if he doesn’t, if it has been some time of getting to know each other then it should be pretty obvious, and you should feel confident about how he feels towards you. Basically put, if a man is into you… you will know.

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Home Single

A Prayer for Singles

girl praying with her bible on table

I want to pray for us today.
I want to pray for the season that we’re in, whether we’re happy or unhappy about it. Prayer is needful.
Lord we thank you for this time in our lives
We don’t take a single moment in this season for granted
We celebrate those around us that have found love
Keep our hearts pure
Keep our thoughts pure
So, that we won’t allow jealousy, envy or bitterness to take root in our hearts
Help us to use this season to chase boldly after our purpose
To learn more about our identities in you
To learn more about your love for us
So, that your love for us can set the standard on how we should be loved
And set the standard on how we should give love
May our hearts be so intertwined with your love in this season that we crave it more than we crave anything else
Show us more of yourself and shape our lives to reveal your glory
Reveal how much bigger  and more beautiful you are than our desire for marriage
Satisfy us so fully that we never look to anyone else to make us happy
Help us to understand that there is an appointed time for everything
And to everything its own season
May we understand that you are committed to giving us what’s best for us when it’s best for us
You want to give us love
You said in your word that you wouldn’t withhold any good thing from your children
And we are your children
And while we know that you are such a good Father that you want to give us the desires of our heart
Help us not to make our desire for marriage an idol
Liberate us from the world’s standards that say we should be married by a certain age
Keep us from conforming to the world around us
Jesus, we declare that You alone are our prize, You are our portion and in this season, we will enjoy YOU, all of YOU.
We pray this prayer in Jesus Name

Categories
Communication Home Marriage Physical Intimacy Spiritual Intimacy

3 Prayers to Become A Better Wife

Young girl praying in nature by the Sea

When I first got married 9 years ago, I learned the value of the pursuit of prayer dealing with circumstances we faced and disagreements we had. I was taught in church how the Lord wants to be included in every aspect of our lives. He desires for us to talk to Him and pray about everything. Nothing is too small or too big for the Lord because He’s always listening. But as He listens, He wants the conversation to be a two-way connection. He talks, you listen. You talk, He listens (1 John 5:14-15).
So I did just that in my prayer time. However, I would often spend time praying and talking to God, seeing no change to the challenges we were having. I remember one day crying out to God saying, “Do you hear me, God, are you listening?” I struggled with knowing if God actually heard me and played the blame game with my husband because I felt he needed to change more than I did. One day, while in a Christian bookstore, I spotted a CD series entitled, “Wife after God: Drawing Closer to God & Your Husband.” From that moment, my life drastically changed in how I approached God in prayer.
I learned that praying for my husband meant God was changing me! I was getting caught up in all the things that I wanted God to change about him, when all God was speaking back to me was about me. What a reality check! As I continued to pray and listen to the CD series, seeds were planted that came against everything that I thought was wrong in my marriage. As I began to apply the principles I learned, changes happened because I developed a heart after God and a heart of compassion for our marriage (Psalm 32:8). One dramatic change from my prayers was I learned (and I am still learning) how to be a better wife for my husband.
Here are 3 things I learned to pray for to become a better wife:

  1. To serve and honor my husband well: I learned that loyalty is sometimes demonstrated in marital challenges. As I prayed, God shared that difficult times were what He was using to cultivate the depth of my commitment to Him and my husband. My demonstration of loyalty, affirmation, genuine love, and a servant’s heart allowed me to grow in godly character towards my husband (Philippians 2:1-4).
  1. To think before you speak: Proverbs 21:23 offers some good advice: “Watch your words and hold your tongue; you’ll save yourself a lot of grief.” I learned to ask God when I prayed to give me the best time to talk with my husband and the right tone when communicating with him.
  1. To set aside time for each other: Praying about our quality time taught me to be intentional with our special times together. Date nights could be watching Netflix together, taking walks, or having game nights. Remember, the most important thing is to strengthen your love connection and be creative!

A happy marriage is worth the effort of allowing God to help you become a better mate for your husband or wife. What prayers could you pray to strengthen your marriage?
 

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Single

The Real Reason You're Still Single

Pensive pretty young woman in blue shirt sitting and thinking in cafe

As millennials, it seems we are trying to find the “sweet spot” – the age where you’re not too young to get married and sucking the fun out of your twenties, claiming responsibility, and the age where you suddenly look around and now all your friends are married and starting to have babies. We are trying to navigate through a changing phase of life, and hoping we don’t get left behind in the process. Dating, but casually – not pursuing anything TOO serious, because marriage is a big commitment, but complaining when we don’t have anyone. Seems silly when you spell it out, right? Here are some reasons you are still finding yourself in the single state.
 
Too Prideful to Try Online Dating
When it comes to dating, you don’t mind dabbling in the free apps, but you refuse to sign up for a dating program that costs, as if it screams desperation or shows embarrassment. Stop caring about what other people think! If you are looking to find someone to seriously consider spending your life with, WHY NOT pay for an online dating service? To me, the fact that someone is willing to invest their time/money into the possibility of love shows a greater level of commitment and serious pursuit, and we aren’t even dating yet! Not to mention, there is a good chance you may find more quality individuals than others where creeps have such easy access. Yes, you may spot anomalies either way – a great guy on a free app, or a creep on a paid one, but with dating profiles that match you on sites like eHarmony, you may have a better turnout.
 
You Get Discouraged Too Easily
You finally talk yourself into going on a date with someone you have been talking to you, it seems to go well, and they ghost you. Wait – what? Did I miss something? I thought we had a great time. If you are on the receiving end of the “ghosting,” roll it off. If that is the kind of person they are, it’s probably best you aren’t wasting any more time! Don’t let someone’s personality faults affect your self-worth and self-confidence. A part of seeking out love is vulnerability and risk-taking; you have to take chances, for the possibility of a great reward in a fulfilling relationship. You may try and some relationships will probably fail, but when you find the one that works for both of you, your journey will be worth it.
 
You Give Up Too Quickly
For my friends that do go on dates whether a blind date, tinder dates, bumble dates, first dates, it seems they all give it one to two times in person and decide whether or not they are “feeling it.” Too often it seems millennials are expecting a magical feeling of connection that will let them know they could really fall for this one! Today, I want to challenge the way you view love. Love is a choice. Did you know the global divorce rate of arranged marriages is only 6%?! And often those individuals don’t have a choice. If we decided every day that we were going to CHOOSE to love this person, you could fall in love with anybody.
That being said, if you find someone that meets your non-negotiables from a standard perspective: loves God, wants kids, has a steady job, gets along with family, or whatever your criteria may be (not the tall, dark, handsome, physical qualities), give the guy a CHANCE! Too often I see women giving up over silly reasons and then complaining that there are no good guys out there!
Is it that there are no good guys, or the good guys aren’t meeting your unrealistic expectations?
 
You Don’t Want Anything Too Serious (at least not yet)
Why millennials choose to date, but don’t want to think about marriage is something I may never understand. The idea of emotionally connecting myself to an individual only to have them waste my time and walk away broken-hearted sounds absolutely PAINFUL. Choosing to be serious about a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be ready for marriage tomorrow OR get married next year, and that is completely okay! My challenge to you would be to relationship check at the door. If this person doesn’t have qualities of someone you would consider marrying, or you can’t see yourself with them long-term, don’t waste your time. It’s okay to date to find what you like, but be careful of how long you allow it to go on. Be intentional about finding a spouse, you never know how long (or short) it may take for you to really connect with someone you could see yourself with.

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Engaged Home

3 Reasons to Seek Counseling: Before You Say “I Do”

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Single

3 Traits of the Bitter, Single Friend

Portrait of angry woman standing with arms folded on gray background

by Joy Oguntimein
You’ve seen the post before.  You know the, “Why do people feel the need to plaster their love everywhere?”, “I give that relationship [X] months.” or “A lot of people in relationships are just afraid to be alone.””
 
Now if you’ve seen these because you’ve posted them, then there is a possibility that you’re becoming the bitter single friend. Don’t worry, you’re not alone.  I’ve been there.
 
We want to celebrate romance, but we’re baffled about how that one friend who everyone knows is selfish and arrogant is getting married next month?!?! We’ve followed all the “rules” of how to find your BoRu (Boaz +Ruth), yet here we are: single and on the verge of, or already entrapped in, bitterness. 
 
Here’s the thing, we’ve got to identify signs of bitterness and address them before we become Trump’s “US Secretary of Relationship Cynicism”. So what are the signs of a budding bitter, single friend?  
 

  1. One cannot be happy for anyone; not even Uncle Barack and Aunty Michelle.

 
An obvious sign of a bitter single friend: the person does not celebrate other’s happiness.  This person constantly criticizes and speaks doom. 
 
We don’t have to swoon over every happy couple that we see or lie about red flags in the relationship.  But we shouldn’t denounce a relationship out of secret envy. We can learn from other people’s relationship some practices that may help us have a healthy and happy relationship. 
 

  1. One draws attention to his/her relationship status.

 
A bitter single friend seizes every opportunity to broadcast he/she is single. The conversation is about the ark. The friend jumps in saying, “I would’ve drowned because I’m #foreversingle. I wouldn’t have found someone to go marching 2×2 with into the ark.”
 
We do not have to broadcast our singleness. We are not defined by our relationship status. Let’s bring more attention to our character, and God-given gifts. 
 

  1. One boycotts Valentine’s Day and all things romantic.

 
No one is interested in reading the thesis on how Valentine’s Day is a fictitious holiday created to benefit retail manufacturers.
 
On Valentine’s Day, instead of posting a 100 line rant on Facebook (that no one will read), we can love ourselves and someone else. Take a widow or a foster child to the movies.  Tell ourselves (and the homeless person we’ve ignored) that we’re loved, valuable, and treasured.
 
Before you can hope to have a successful relationship, you have to uproot that bitter root.  If you don’t, bitterness will keep growing, producing a harvest of pain for you and the people in your world.  Precious moments of joy will be stolen. Worst of all the bitterness will not magically disappear when you find someone and get married. Instead of single and bitter, you’ll be married, discontent, and bitter. 
 
Nip bitterness in the bud. And remember, “All things in their due season.” God’s got you boo.  Relax, trust Him, and  #beJOYful!

 
Joy Oguntimein is a speaker, writer, educator, and consultant,  She lives by the motto Jesus. Others. You.  She believes if you live life following Jesus, walking with others, and being authentically you, then you’ll thrive and #beJOYful through life’s expected and unexpected pivotal moments. Her desire is to cure basic-ness by stirring up the gifts and treasures within others. Joy is a Jesus loving, trouble making lady.
 

Categories
Finances

Money Monday: Why Banks Don't Want You to Have Good Credit

Believe it or not, most banks don’t want you to have good credit. As crazy as it sounds, most financial institutions would rather have more consumers with below average credit score and reports. This is also part of the reason why banks don’t educate their clients on credit scores and report improvement or education. In short, consumers with great credit tend to pay their bills on time. But wait, why do many banks deny those with below average credit? I’m sure glad you asked!
 
Sub-Prime Accounts
If you have ever been to a steak restaurant, the waiters and waitresses will give you their script on the quality of the steak, right? They talk about how they are better than any other restaurant out there and how prime they are. Prime is the word used to determine the highest quality grade of steak. This same meaning is probably the best way to describe prime and sub-prime when dealing with banking. In short, “Prime” is the highest quality and “Sub-Prime” is the lowest quality. Sub-Prime accounts in banking normally pay a much higher interest rate compared to their prime consumers. The interest you pay to a bank is determined mostly by your credit score and report.
Most prime consumers will have a history of paying their bills on time and because of that, they will more than likely get a lower interest rate and a lower payment. When a bank lends to a Sub-Prime consumer, the risk is much higher as there are increased chances of late payments or a defaulted account. So, if the risk is higher for the bank, why would they want more of this? The answer is simple…..Higher Interest Rates.
 
Higher Interest Rates
Even though sub-prime consumers increase the risk for banks, these are the account that the banks make the most money on when the consumers pays over time. For those who don’t know, interest is how banks make money. Interest is the added amount to the borrowed amount that gets paid back over time. In short, banks need a certain amount of sub-prime accounts with higher interest rates to cover expenses and etc. This increases the risk as many accounts have late payments and eventually go into default. So, if you are ever wondering why banks have huge buildings, high paying salaries to the big people at the top, and have many locations, take a look at how many sub-prime accounts they have.
 
But What If
Yes, I know the question you are thinking right now might be something close to this….”What if the bank has too many sub-prime accounts and those accounts don’t pay?” This will lead to a recession as the banks must be able to lend to keep the economy going. Prime accounts are great investments as well for most banks. The problem is it’s only so much money a bank can make from consumers who pay their bills on time and have a lower interest rate.
Denied Low Credit Scores
If this is the case, more banks would try to hold more sub-prime accounts correct? Not necessarily. It is not a smart move to approve every sub-prime applicant that applies for the financial product. This will soon lead to an unstable balance and more accounts will default. Some financial institutions have very strict rules on their sub-prime process to lower the chances of defaults. In these cases, the banks will ask for co-signers, higher down payments, more collateral, references, proof of address, and proof of employment. This also creates more loyalty from the consumers. Eventually, they know the situation may have been difficult to get the approval, but overtime, they begin to show trust. Customers with trust end up staying with the bank and with higher credit scores down the line for better terms.
Bottom Line
Hopefully you will have a better understanding as to why banks don’t want you have to good credit. Keep in mind, it’s not about what the banks want as you will be the one paying the payments each month. You have to position yourself and your credit to always have the best financial outcome possible. Of course, if your score is not where you want it to be, we can always help improve that with out personal step by step game plans.
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

3 Things To Consider In Your Next Relationship (Ladies' Edition)

Confident young woman standing on an urban rooftop daydreaming with her arms folded backlit by the bright flare of the rising sun

by Habiba Abudu

Before entering a serious relationship, one must be whole. Not in a superficial way. You will never be 100 percent perfect when entering a relationship, however, it is important to consider these 3 factors in order to avoid issues in your relationship. 

  1. Father Issues

If you did not grow up with a father you may look to your partner as a means to appease any rejection or loss you had. No doubt, fathers play a significant role in a child’s upbringing and not having one can lead you to looking for affirmation elsewhere. Having a strong father would make you more secure in yourself and less susceptible to compromising your values for a “random”. If you think it’s not true, look how Tom Brady teared up when he mentioned how his dad was his hero. When men know that you seek them for affirmation they can manipulate you. You can also compare your partner to other men who have mistreated you. You have to get rid of that mentality and see your partner the way Christ sees him. 

If you do not have a father – look towards your heavenly Father for He is better than any man you can have. People will fail you. Your friends and family will fail you. Jesus will never fail you. Once you realize that, you won’t go to someone for affirmation

 2. Insecurities

There will always be someone who is skinnier, prettier, smarter and funnier than you. If you are always comparing yourself to the next person, you will always feel insignificant. Subsequently, when you enter a relationship, you will struggle with doubts. You may constantly question whether or not your man will leave you once he finds someone better. Once again, seek God. His thoughts toward you exceed rubies. There is nothing wrong with working out and eating well. But you may never be satisfied unless you find peace with who God made you to be. Be still and at peace. 

Deal with insecurities. Decades of hurt  seemingly buried and forgotten can manifest itself in unexpected ways. Journal your hurts and let God heal you. Talk to someone. Pray. Don’t expect deep rooted hurts to be gone over night. Sometimes, it takes time and a process of healing and restoration. It’s okay to be open with your insecurities. Individuals often put a facade of being okay when it’s quite the contrary. The world is full of broken people. God rejoices in our weakness because He is our strength in our weakness.

3.   Fear of rejection/failure 

Perhaps you experienced a lot of rejection in your life. You weren’t the popular kid at school.  Or you failed at multiple things. Everyone’s failed at something. We are too focused on perfectionism. So maybe once you enter a relationship you already foresee failure on the horizon. You are hesitant to become close to your significant other because you think he will reject you once you mess up. Or you are scared he will see your true colors and want to leave. Grace says that we can mess up. If your partner really loves you, he will accept you flaws and all. 

Failure is apart of life. Failure, when looked at correctly, can be a learning experience. Fear of failure can lead to fear of taking risks or of opening up. God wants you to walk on water. He wants you to take risks. In Him, you are loved. And God works everything for good, so perceived failure/setbacks in Christ will be for your betterment.

Habiba Abudu is a writer based in Toronto, Canada. She loves writing, exploring and eating good food. You can find her at www.habibaabudu.com, www.facebook.com/habibadoesthings , on Instagram @therealhabibaabudu, stay tuned for “Tickle Me Fancy”

Categories
Communication Marriage

How You Are Hurting Your Husband's Growth

Returning russian wife in shock of husband and shrunken plants

Ladies, I will be the first to admit. Control is a HARD THING to overcome. As women, I think it is natural for us to want to take over a situation – as nurturers, we want to make sure everyone is provided for and everything is order. Here are some tips to help keep you sane and allow your husband to grow.
Know your limitations
Understand your limitations and don’t bury yourself! You will stress yourself out and get to a point of bursting because you are trying to balance and task manage every little thing.
The beauty of a marriage is TWO PEOPLE. That is another person to share all of life’s crazy tasks with – calling insurance, grocery shopping, taking the kids to their activities, whatever! Find a balance that works for your family unit and if you are overwhelmed ASK FOR HELP! Your husband may read you well, but he is not a mind reader! Be conscious of your state of mind and what you are capable of handling on your plate.
Give him the chance to help you
If you want extra help keeping the household in order, start providing small opportunities your husband can tackle while you take care of some of the more tedious tasks. Try giving him the grocery list to do the grocery shopping for the week, or give him the utility bill to pay online every month. The more they are involved, the more help they will be, and the more they realize how much you contribute to running the household.
Men compartmentalize their thoughts, while women are often thinking of what needs to get done next. Communicate your needs or desires and give him a date you need it completed by to help minimize the nagging and ensure it gets taken care of.
Have the faith that he CAN do it
After a year of marriage, I found myself simply not asking him to do things because I had to ask 3 times before it got done – or I feared he would forget to do a part of the task, so instead of asking for his assistance, I just decided to take it on myself. WRONG WRONG WRONG. It was here that the Lord showed me I had idolized my method of doing things and doing them to (my idea of) perfection.
A few months ago, my husband had taken our dog to get groomed and I found myself asking all sorts of questions – How does she look? How much was it? Can you send me a picture? I realized that when I had been giving my husband tasks, I had been texting him asking questions through the whole thing instead of entrusting him to get it done. By acting this way, we are instilling a “not good enough” or “can’t do it right” mentality in our men, when we should be building them up!
When we nag and breathe down our husband’s back, we never give them an opportunity to achieve or exceed our expectations, but instead set a standard to where they always fall short. We drive home the point that they cannot do anything right, that we are the only ones that can complete a task, and do it to the highest standard.  
So maybe your daughter is not wearing the exact outfit you had in mind?
Maybe he plans to do the laundry tonight while the game is on instead of right now.
Or perhaps he makes the effort to clean the kitchen (even though it’s not as clean as you do it).
We need to celebrate and encourage our husbands as they grow to be the providers and head of the house. The only way your husband can grow is if you let him try. So for all my wives out there struggling with control, let today be the day you start to say “okay,” and let your hubby help run the show.
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Physical Intimacy Single

Abstaining From Sex: The Ammunition You Need

It’s everywhere. SEX. It’s on the TV, it’s in the magazines, books, music, posters, movies… EVERYWHERE. So unless you plan on becoming a hermit and staying indoors doing nothing, then I suggest you get some ammunition and learn how to use it.
After speaking with a few people through my blog and business, I thought I would write a post and tell you what helps me keep my vow of purity. Oh, just in case you didn’t know, I run a Christian business geared toward helping men and women stay celibate until marriage. Also, if you read to the end, I’ll have a surprise for you at the end of this post. **Giveaway Alert**
I use the word ammunition in my title because literally there is a fight we experience in our everyday lives to remain pure. The enemy is armed and dangerous and he’s not afraid to use his weapons. So why are we?
Here’s what I’m locked and loaded with:
Prayer
This is the vehicle in which the Lord has given us to communicate with Him. So why don’t we use it? It’s literally available to us anytime of the day. And it’s my first choice when I’m faced with impure thoughts. I just simply say,

“Lord, fill my thoughts with thoughts of you and your goodness. Help me to block the tactics of the enemy that’s trying to infiltrate my mind. Right now I choose to think on everything that is pure and lovely.”

It’s nothing long and drawn out- when the enemy is quickly approaching, or better yet, when he has already used his weapon, you have to use what’s in your arsenal.
Sometimes I even pray my go-to scripture, But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desire” (Romans 13:14)
I encourage you to find a scripture of choice and use it when the enemy is trying to wage war on your mind.
Accountability
You need to find someone who is on the journey of abstaining from sex like you. I recommend finding someone who is further along in the journey than you, that way they can tell you what help keeps them from falling victim to the enemies tactics. See, they more than likely have a language for the season you’re entering or you’ve been in and they will definitely give you sound advice. This is also a person that you should be able to share your struggles with- someone that you plan to be truthful and honest with, because what’s the point of having accountability otherwise?
Listen, I love my accountability partners, I have two- I call them when I need prayer, when I need to talk, and when I need encouragement. I remember one time I texted one of them at a very early hour in the morning and guess, what she responded. This isn’t a walk you have to do by yourself, there are plenty of people, Christians, out here living for the Lord and taking their vow of purity seriously.
My Purity Card
Yes! I carry my card with me everywhere. It’s in my wallet, so I have the ability to pull it out at anytime, anywhere. It’s a great reminder. It’s something about seeing my signature on the card- it reminds me that the decision I made to abstain from sex until marriage shouldn’t be taken lightly. It’s a contract between me and the Lord, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t dishonor any contract I made with my Lord and Savior. (If you want a copy of the card, you can email me at crownedyou@gmail.com).
If you want to join me in this fight for purity, comment below and let me know! I’d love to pray for you and encourage you. I’ll also be entering your comment into a drawing to win an item from my company Crowned, LLC. So be sure to leave enough information so that I can get back in contact with you and follow us on Instagram.