One of the main issues I see when counseling couples is that they either did not have pre-marital counseling or the counseling they received was subpar. In this article I am going to share 4 areas that every premarital counseling should cover.
1. Equally yoked– It is so important for the counselor to asses if the couple is equally yoked, this does not mean do they both go to church. Differences in expressions of worship, understanding of the spiritual gifts, understanding the role of faith are some of the common problems that lead to many arguments for couples. If individuals come from different denominations it is important to discuss how they plan to work out the differences. A plan for church attendance, church involvement and raising up children in Godly environment and how much time will be spent in ministry and church should all be discussed thoroughly. One main issue I have seen are people who are very spiritual in terms of their disciplines, prayer, fasting, and worship, marry someone who is not. These differences cause a strain on the relationship, often times because the one spouse wishes the other could join them. These major differences make it difficult when one person is going after God and the other is going in a different direction.
2. Mental health issues– It is so important before couples even get engaged to discuss mental health issues as well as physical health issues that they may have or those that run in their family. In spiritual settings we often discuss generational issues or curses, but not everything is spiritual, sometimes there might be some chemical imbalances or a genetic predisposition present in family members that may later impact the other spouse or their children. It is really important to assess all these things and make a decision with ones eyes wide open going into marriage.
3. Temperament Styles- God uniquely created each of us, our temperament is our natural disposition towards life, others, God and work, stress etc. There are different types of temperament tests that even a lay man can learn how to administer and interpret. I give a simple one that breaks the temperaments into four categories: sanguine, melancholy, choleric, and phlegmatic, you can read what each of these mean at fourtemprements.com. No one is one temperament, for an example I am a choleric sanguine my husband is a melancholy choleric, we are opposites at melancholy and sanguine. Melancholies are introverted in nature, thinkers, emotional, sensitive and sometimes pessimistic. Sanguines are full of life, colorful, busy and very optimistic. My husband and I being opposite in these areas creates a beautiful balance. We meet at the choleric temperament; we are both visionaries, go getters, focused, and opinionated. Every couple should have some things in common and some things that are opposites this helps create a healthy balance and growth between each other. If you or you and your spouse would love to take the test and get an interpretation please email us at info@askdoctorfaith.com.
4. Vision mapping- Most counselors and pastors will have couples share their vision for their marriage. When it comes to writing a vision it is important that both couples are able to share individual visions as well as a 5 year and 10 year vision plans for their family. The three areas of a couple’s vision that must be covered are faith-spiritual goals, family-goals for the marriage, kids and then finances. Often times these are major areas of contention later in marriage so to have a visual map helps direct you as a couple. I suggest couples reviewing their vision every year and adjusting accordingly.
Several other areas that some counselors/pastors that cannot be skipped are intimacy expectations, child rearing plans, protocol with family members, willingness to move and relocate and expectations for marriage.
I suggest that every person if they are able to get individual counseling at some point, especially if they are getting married. Some counselors may not have a thorough understanding of relationship dynamics as well as possible maladaptive behaviors in relationships, so if possible get a second opinion.
Author: admin
By Disa Badillo,
This is a topic that many view as controversial but it is a topic that can either make or break marriages. Submission. A lot of people, especially women, cringe at that word. Submission in marriage gets such a bad rep these days. I know some people abuse what submission is actually supposed to be, but in order to have a marriage God’s way, as women we must be willing to submit even if we feel our husbands aren’t doing their part. We tend to say “I’ll submit when he does xy&z”. Instead of doing that let’s focus on us and what we can do better. Allow your husband to see the God in you and allow God to work on him. A quiet, gentle spirit brings about change in your man way quicker than nagging ever could.
Being a newlywed, I understand how hard it can be to submit to your husband. We have been taught to be independent and to speak our minds. Society says “It’s 2014…what do you mean I need to submit?” TV shows view submission as weakness. Everywhere you turn, you hear about how you don’t need to submit. But God’s Word remains the same no matter what people say, no matter how society changes, no matter what year it is. The Bible says that we are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21). Reverence means “deep respect for someone or something.” So out of deep respect for Christ, we are supposed to submit to one another…that includes men submitting to their wives as well, but I will get to that later. Right now, I want to focus on women.
As women, we are called to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22). What I have learned is, we can’t submit to our husbands if we have never submitted to God. When I was single, I studied submission and the roles of a wife in biblical terms so that I could be ready when that day comes that I am a wife. I remember God saying, “How can you submit to your husband when you don’t even submit to me or your earthly father?” I remember it hit me hard. I never liked for people to tell me what to do, how to dress, how to wear my hair, or anything like that. I would rebel. God told me that if you rebel while you’re single, you will rebel while you’re married. I needed that kick in the butt. How often do we disregard authority because we don’t agree to the rules? How often do we roll our eyes at our parents when they tell us to do things we don’t like? Submission starts long before you are married (that is for all my single people reading this). If you are married and are having a tough time with submission, it is okay. It is never too late to start.
So what does submitting to Christ look like?
Submitting to Christ is obeying God’s word. It is including Him in every aspect of your life. It is listening to those nudges and convictions He gives you. Submitting to Christ means respecting Him. This is also what submitting to your husband should look like because out of deep respect for Christ, we are to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord. Submission isn’t meant to degrade us as women. It isn’t meant to make us a slave to our man. Submission isn’t meant to be a bad thing. Humans can make it bad, but that is not God’s plan. Do not stand for abuse…EVER! That is not love. That is not what submission is. Period. If you are in an abusive situation, seek help. I promise that is not God’s plan for your life. You are worth so much more than that.
What submission comes down to is love and respect. Husbands need to love their wives and wives need to respect their husbands. When I see women disrespect their husbands and talk to them any kind of way, especially in public, my heart hurts. We all need affirmation but especially men. I see that man being emasculated each time his wife lays down the law. Allow your husband to lead you. That is his role as a man…as a husband. Can it be hard? Yes. But with God, ALL things are possible.
This brings me to the men. The bible doesn’t only talk about women submitting. It says to submit to one another…so men have a role in submission too. Men submit to their wives by loving them like Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:25). You are one with your wife. You wouldn’t disrespect yourself or beat yourself or demean yourself…so don’t do it to your wife. Love her. Cherish her. She is your crown. She is your treasure. The bible says in Proverbs “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” One translation says he who finds a wife finds a treasure. A treasure is precious. A treasure is to be handled with care. A treasure is your wife. She is your crown. Treat her as such. Don’t take your role as leader and abuse it. You should be your wife’s protector. She shouldn’t need protection from you.
I want to leave you with the The Message Translation of Ephesians 5:21-33. I hope it helps you. The Word is life changing if you let it change your life.
“Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.”
Disa is a newlywed to her best friend whom she wedded December 14, 2013. Having gone through a lot in her teenage years, she has the heart and passion for today’s youth and showing them that Christ’s way is the best way. She writes on her personal blog to encourage others and show just how faithful God is and is truly honored and humbled to be able to contribute to Married & Young. Although she went to Houston Baptist University on a track scholarship, she didn’t truly find Christ and develop a relationship with Him until her last semester before graduating with a BBA in Marketing. Having an entrepreneurial spirit and a passion for planning events, she is now opening her own Wedding and Event planning company and hopes to provide stress free planning and memories that will last a lifetime for her clients. As a newlywed, she enjoys spending time with her husband and experiencing new things with him.
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Women It's Not Your Job to Find Your Husband
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” (Proverbs 18:22 ESV)
If the word of God tells us “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD”, why does a large population of Christian women believe it is their responsibility to go out and find a man/husband? Society’s belief is that if a woman is not dating or in a relationship, something is wrong with her. Women who are dating are most certainly in the spotlight and the talk of headlines. The same can be said in today’s churches.
Dating seems like the popular thing to do and many women have become desperate to go out and find them someone to date or to make their husband because they are believed to be insignificant without a man. We often see Christian women entering into unhealthy relationships, relationships with men who they are unequally yoked with, or in relationships before they are prepared for a commitment (prepared meaning understanding their identity in Christ, their purpose, how to have healthy relationships and the basics of becoming a wife).
They have lost the need to become prepared to enter into a covenant relationship and to wait on God to send a man who is in the will of God for their life. It is common to see Christian women dating men who do not belong to a local church, are not passionate about God and in many cases do not have a personal relationship with Jesus at all. So many women have become discouraged.
They don’t believe the right man will ever find them and feel they will be unmarried for the rest of their life. In efforts to make sure that this does not become their reality, they take drastic measures of settling for men who they were never intended to enter into relationships with or go out seeking to find anyone who may be available.
The common questions that Christian women are often plagued with is “Where is my Boaz?” and “When will I find him?” They are looking for the church, prophetic words, friends, family, media, society or whoever has the answer to this question. The answer is simple, WHEN YOU STOP LOOKING FOR HIM! If women do not use the word of God as a standard for their lives, their relationships will resemble those of the world.
The word of God is perfectly clear, “He who finds a wife”, not she who finds a husband! This means as women we are not to go out searching for men (saved or unsaved) to date or marry. It is the man’s job to choose his wife. As the intended head of the relationship/marriage/family it is important that he takes the lead in choosing his wife by first making sure he is spiritually, naturally, emotionally, physically and financially prepared and has spiritual discernment to find the woman who is capable of being his helpmate. If the woman pursues him the foundation of the relationship could be built upon her serving as the head of the relationship, which was never intended by God.
There was purpose in God creating Adam before Eve. Adam’s role was to lead her; however when we review Genesis chapter 3, Eve took on the leadership role in the relationship in which she was never created to do. Instead of submitting to the voice of God and her husband, her actions were influenced by the serpent/Satan.
This caused their roles to be reversed and instead of Adam leading his wife to follow God’s instructions, Eve lead her husband into disobedience and dishonor to God. Not only did both Adam and Eve suffer from not standing in their rightful roles, their seed suffered later. Just like there was purpose in God’s intention for Adam to lead Eve, there is purpose in why God instructed men to search out, find and lead their wives…not the other way around.
Unmarried women I encourage you to redirect your time and energy used to search for a man/husband and transfer it into seeking the Lord! “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and
his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33).
Ladies, seek the Lord, invest in your growth and development and in His timing he will position you right where you need to be in order to be found by the man who is the will of God for your life. Gentlemen, it is also imperative that you seek the Lord in order to receive his instructions concerning your life.
On your journey to finding your true identity in the Lord, he will show you where to find your future wife. Unmarried believers, your hope, trust and faith concerning your future should be in Christ Jesus…. not in the media, entertainment or this world! Let Christ be your GPS to guide you to your future!
Well, this article is probably going to be among the most controversial youʼve probably read on the subject of marriage and dating. There have been so many perspectives published about Christians and the process of dating and marriage. The point of view highlighted in this article is a sound theological foundation for why God should be extremely involved in the process all together and should involve more than “ I want Him or HER”
Over the years, several camps have established views about what should be an appropriate selection process for the Christian pursuing a relationship with the opposite sex. Some of it was scriptural, much of it was social and other parts of it was carnal. To balance it, some diluted the subject manner all together and took on the idea, that God or His opinion should be subject to the desire of the one pursuing the dating relationship. To the desperate or the half hearted, this article is going to annoy you, hopefully, into another level of submission to God. So, lets start to bring some clarity and resolve some dating controversies.
The major discussion over the years has been over wether or not there is only 1 person on the earth for each person. The terms we use to describe our feelings towards suitable candidates are “ I think he is the ONE” or This could be “IT”. This finality and sense of absoluteness is often the source of much trouble and irrational thinking about the subject all together,
The truth is, God is eternal and all knowing and DOES know who you will marry. The problem is, whether or not that person is HIS best for you. The common notion is, “If I choose him/her, then it has to be God because of my desire” and that is not true.
The other perspective of the discussion is What it really means to be unequally yoked. Is this referring to Salvation alone? Level of spirituality? Denomination or Experience?
These are some of the parameters that the pendulum swings. Here are some perspectives to consider while navigating through the confusion .
1. Dating and Marriage prospects is to the Christian, both a DECISION and a DISCOVERY.
If we use Godʼs original template for marriage (Adam and Eve) we see that God designed a mate suitable for adam. That is STILL the case. What complicates our discovery of the designed one, is that Adam and Eve were at that Juncture, the only two people alive, so the discovery of EVE was a a lot easier. Our world, however, is filled with billions of people making the discovery of the designed one more complex. However, to believe that God deviated, altered or changed His mind on the mate design is heretical.
Over the years, several camps have established views about what should be an appropriate selection process for the Christian pursuing a relationship with the opposite sex. Some of it was scriptural, much of it was social and other parts of it was carnal. To balance it, some diluted the subject manner all together and took on the idea, that God or His opinion should be subject to the desire of the one pursuing the dating relationship. To the desperate or the half hearted, this article is going to annoy you, hopefully, into another level of submission to God. So, lets start to bring some clarity and resolve some dating controversies.
The major discussion over the years has been over wether or not there is only 1 person on the earth for each person. The terms we use to describe our feelings towards suitable candidates are “ I think he is the ONE” or This could be “IT”. This finality and sense of absoluteness is often the source of much trouble and irrational thinking about the subject all together,
The truth is, God is eternal and all knowing and DOES know who you will marry. The problem is, whether or not that person is HIS best for you. The common notion is, “If I choose him/her, then it has to be God because of my desire” and that is not true.
The other perspective of the discussion is What it really means to be unequally yoked. Is this referring to Salvation alone? Level of spirituality? Denomination or Experience?
These are some of the parameters that the pendulum swings. Here are some perspectives to consider while navigating through the confusion .
1. Dating and Marriage prospects is to the Christian, both a DECISION and a DISCOVERY.
If we use Godʼs original template for marriage (Adam and Eve) we see that God designed a mate suitable for adam. That is STILL the case. What complicates our discovery of the designed one, is that Adam and Eve were at that Juncture, the only two people alive, so the discovery of EVE was a a lot easier. Our world, however, is filled with billions of people making the discovery of the designed one more complex. However, to believe that God deviated, altered or changed His mind on the mate design is heretical.
Genesis 2:18 “And the Lord God said..“I WILL MAKE HIM A HELPER…”
2. Because dating and marriage is a decision, itʼs factors can be dangerous if governed by the heart.
It is not profitable or honoring to God for a spirit filled believer to make a dating decision because of feelings that have developed. Some christians really believe God has to respect our selection in a mate and that is NOT biblical. What God honors is the institution of marriage between a man and a woman as a decision towards covenant. However before that point, there are parameters that the Bible gives believers to to follow. God never intending the dating or marriage process to be led by, influenced by or inflamed by “FEELINGS”. The heart feels a lot of things that don’t honor God. I have witnessed christians make horrible relationship decisions and often fall into cycles of sexual sin because of their ʻFEELINGSʼ for a person. The notion is, “If I have feelings for a person, then God must be involved in it”. This is so far from the truth. Often, when feelings govern the dating process, objective discernment is impossible. Why? Your heart, is NOT trustworthy!!! YES you read that right. Since the beginning of time, Mans attractions has led him into lethal situations. This is why boundaries, counsel and devotion to scriptures are needful before dating, because the heart will take every opportunity to lead a person astray through the easiest medium of romantic interest.
Jeremiah 17:9 “ The heart is DECEITFUL and desperately WICKED ABOVE ALL THINGS..”
There is nothing more deceitful, dishonest, misleading and catastrophic than the activity of the human heart. Therefore its the LAST voice you want to listen to, when pursuing a potential mate. It should be a decision heavily influenced by 1. The Word. 2. The Spirit. 3. The Intelligence. Some marriages just DONT make sense. Intelligence should be used in the process and timing of marriage planning.
2. Because dating and marriage is a decision, itʼs factors can be dangerous if governed by the heart.
It is not profitable or honoring to God for a spirit filled believer to make a dating decision because of feelings that have developed. Some christians really believe God has to respect our selection in a mate and that is NOT biblical. What God honors is the institution of marriage between a man and a woman as a decision towards covenant. However before that point, there are parameters that the Bible gives believers to to follow. God never intending the dating or marriage process to be led by, influenced by or inflamed by “FEELINGS”. The heart feels a lot of things that don’t honor God. I have witnessed christians make horrible relationship decisions and often fall into cycles of sexual sin because of their ʻFEELINGSʼ for a person. The notion is, “If I have feelings for a person, then God must be involved in it”. This is so far from the truth. Often, when feelings govern the dating process, objective discernment is impossible. Why? Your heart, is NOT trustworthy!!! YES you read that right. Since the beginning of time, Mans attractions has led him into lethal situations. This is why boundaries, counsel and devotion to scriptures are needful before dating, because the heart will take every opportunity to lead a person astray through the easiest medium of romantic interest.
Jeremiah 17:9 “ The heart is DECEITFUL and desperately WICKED ABOVE ALL THINGS..”
There is nothing more deceitful, dishonest, misleading and catastrophic than the activity of the human heart. Therefore its the LAST voice you want to listen to, when pursuing a potential mate. It should be a decision heavily influenced by 1. The Word. 2. The Spirit. 3. The Intelligence. Some marriages just DONT make sense. Intelligence should be used in the process and timing of marriage planning.
Parenting is probably the most challenging yet rewarding job we will ever be assigned. It will make your stomach hurt from laughter and your head hurt from stress. For some of us it was an unexpected, life altering career change and for others of us it was a planned and welcomed change.
Next to being a wife, being a mom is “IT” for me. My children are my next great love. I have three kids; 2 girls (4 and 6 years old) and a 2 year old son. Contrary to what everyone told me, having two is much different than having one and having three is much different than having two.
- They all have different personalities. They all like different foods. They are all at different stages of development. And raising a boy is drastically different than raising a girl. There are a lot of parenting techniques and approaches for the “right and wrong” ways to raising kids, but what I have found out is that you have to figure out what works for you and your house, and go with that.
Having multiple children with varying wants and needs has the potential to stress a parent out. How do we nurture their differences, giving each child what they need without neglecting the other children? I am a believer that all children have “quality time” as one of their dominate love languages.
- I have learned that “family time” is high on my children’s priority list. They don’t care if I make it through the whole episode of one of their shows as long as I start it with them. We “rock out” on the way to school as a family to whatever their favorite song of the day is. We eat together as much as our schedules allow. I am learning to say yes more than I say no when; not always successful, but I try.
- I have also learned to pick and choose my battles. I give them choices (even my son). If it isn’t going to make a difference I let them decide what vegetables they want to eat for dinner or what outfit they want to wear for the day.
- I have learned that it is easier to let them have what they want then to fight with them over what I want them to have. I use their ability to make decisions for themselves as moments to teach them about good choices verses bad choices and to celebrate them when they make a decision that has made them proud.
Parenting isn’t always easy but it is definitely worth it when they smile at you and tell you they love you. Everything seems right when you watch them sleep at night and realize that the day may have had its ups and downs but you survived it together.
What is it about mankind that loves a happy ending? That is joyous about a triumphant victory? That respects real bravery and true endurance? That rejoices when the underdog ends up on top? There is simply something about us that both desires and respects a well-earned beautiful ending, not one that’s easily had, but one that required an enduring fight. When we see an elderly couple walking hand-in-hand down the street, it brings a smile to our face.
We all want that beautiful testimony, to say we pushed through the hard times and made it to the sweet end. But sometimes in the midst of the storm, it seems easier to walk away then continue fighting. Sometimes it’s tempting to forget what you are even fighting for.
Marriage is the hardest thing I have ever done, hands down, no sugar-coating it. I didn’t know I could be so mean or angry or that my heart could hurt so badly. However, I also didn’t know I could laugh so hard or wake up so happy and hopeful. There are ups and downs and there is no way to avoid them. No book, no amount of counseling, and no three-step trick will enable you to completely avoid the struggle and hardships of marriage.
Yes, it would be easier to give up, easier to walk away. Maybe even easier to find someone else and start over. Pain is something most of us don’t handle well and will motivate us to do things we never thought we were capable of doing. But pain is necessary. Every process requires pain. It’s a happy ending because he went to war and came back safely to his bride. It’s a triumphant victory because they were outnumbered and unprepared but still won the battle. The underdog is rooted for and celebrated because he wasn’t supposed to make it to the top, but he did. It’s an overwhelming and underserved grace because he died a painful death for us as an innocent man. The elderly couple evokes our respect and brings a smile to our face because we all know what it took for them to make it this far. We appreciate, respect, and long for things that endured the fight. Yet, when it comes our turn to fight, we are so quick to run and give up when the struggle is exactly what makes the victory so beautiful.
Maybe you just received the worst news of your life. Maybe he’s cheating on you. Maybe she relapsed and is headed back to rehab. Maybe you caught him in a lie again. Maybe she has been lying to you for years. Maybe he just wont give you the love you need. Maybe she just wont give you the respect you desire. Whatever it is, no matter how life-shattering it may seem right now, don’t give up. Marriage is so beautiful and precious because it endures all things and loves to the point of death. A marriage is ruined when it ends in divorce, it loses its beauty and its meaning. You may look around and feel like you are the only one in this struggle, but that is a lie. Every marriage has its struggle and every marriage has its fight. It’s the fight and the process that makes that fruit of your labors taste so sweet.
Unfortunately, I am not here to give you an answer or make the process easier. But what I can tell you is to fight. Fight very hard for your marriage. Dedicate everything you are and everything you have to making it work. Even if it seems too dead or broken to fix, God delights in making possible what we deem impossible. You will never regret fighting for your marriage and your family will reap the blessings for generations to come. So fight on. And you never know, maybe one day you will be the old love birds walking hand-in-hand down the street that inspires some young & married couple to keep fighting.
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Is She the One?
While doing some spring cleaning, I found this book that I read while I was single. I started reading it again to gain some insight to help me identify with single women. As I started going through the book, I realized it was blessing me all over again. It is mostly geared toward single women but there is a lot of wisdom for married women as well. I encourage you to buy this book, Lady in Waiting (Developing Your Love Relationships) by Debby Jones and Jackie Kendall
I will be highlighting some chapters from this book in 4 consecutive posts.
Chapter 1-Lady of Reckless Abandonment
When Ruth followed Naomi, she was leaving everything that she knew behind. Ruth was a Moabite, and the Moabites came from Moab. Moab was the son of incest between Lot and his older daughter. His daughters deceitfully tricked their father to sleep with them so that they can preserve their bloodline. (Genesis 19: 34-37)The Moabites did not worship God they worshipped pagan gods. Ruth wanted to turn from the evil she learned as a Moab and from her kinsman and wanted to know the only true and living God, the God she learned about from Naomi. Do you have anything or anyone in your life that you need to leave behind?
“Whenever a single woman decides to abandon herself completely to Jesus, as Ruth did, she will find herself out of step with society and sometimes even with her friends.” (Lady in Waiting)
During my time being single, I had to evaluate some relationships (these were Christians) that were unhealthy for my single journey. If you have to defend your morals, decisions, or you feel spiritually unsafe when you are around certain people then it’s time separate or cut off the relationship completely. The people in your close circle should be those that respect you, build you up and encourage you.
Proverbs 17:17 (NLT) says that “A friend is always loyal,
and a brother is born to help in time of need.”
You should not feel defensive or like this friend does not have your best interest at heart. They also should be there for you in good times and during the hard times.
Red flag sayings would be, “it doesn’t take all that” or “you think you are holier than thou”. If you have anxiety and have to be “prayed up” before you hang out with them, then that is a good indication that you need to have a “friend-ectomy”. This may be permanent or temporary. I am still friends with some friends that I had to distance myself from. The ones that are still in my life now understand why I had to make this decision and they have since decided to allow Jesus to fully guide their life. The “friend-ectomy” will not only be a blessing to you, but to them. I at one time was one of those friends that was a bad influence. I was hurt that some of my friends distanced themselves or cut me off, but when I became born again I was thankful they did. I did not know I was doing wrong until they showed me. Their walk during the time of our friendship blessed me. I saw them take a stand for Jesus and I didn’t understand it then, but I did later. I now have some dear friends that I call my sisters. I can be myself with them and can count on them for anything. Now it’s time to for you to evaluate some relationships. Remember to always ask God how to approach the relationships and do what He tells you to do. The Holy Spirit will guide you during this procedure, it might be uncomfortable in the beginning but you both will be blessed in the end.
On behalf of Married and Young, I will be blessing someone with this book. In order to enter into the drawing you have to do two things:
- Follow Married and Young on Facebook
- Commented on at least one of the 4 posts of the Lady in Waiting Series on Married and Young
If I get one more invite to a “single’s skating party” or a “single’s potluck” I am going to scream. Do not get me wrong, I am an advocate of social environments that includes both physical activity and enjoying the delectable treats that are shared amongst semi-known acquaintances. I even consider it a sport of amusement in trying to figure out what is actually in that dish that the “new girl” made and keeps offering for everyone to try (I once tried to make an apple crisp but it just didn’t crisp up like my mom’s lol). These environments are intended to minimize the internal loneliness that the attendees are dealing with and are placed amongst a group of individuals that they do not know and forced in to an even more isolated feeling because they are not really sure if it is a safe zone.
Networking is an art; that’s why there are books, classes, seminars, workshops, webinars etc. etc. on how to engage in social environments.
1. Is that what singles are looking for when going out; to develop skills on being involved in socially awkward atmospheres?
2. Are you going to events with the hope that it will be the beginning of a fairy tale love story?
3. What are we really saying when we only offer to the unmarried cake and punch and corral them in to a roller rink?
Now if you are in the midst of planning or attending your church’s 27th annual “Saved Singles Skating Bash”, this is not to say that it shouldn’t continue. It is more of an inquiry to ask about the purpose and expectation of the results.
4. What are the results from the single events you have attended?
5. Have you seen the unmarried remain faithful to the principles of the Bible?
6. Are you producing the Fruits of the Spirit or are you involved with reoccurring lifestyle choices that do not exhibit an encounter with the living God?
Any time that we gather together in Jesus’ name, people should be able to feel comfortable, discuss challenges, have the ability to be transparent and have discussions about solutions to live a life pleasing to our Heavenly Father. Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty and joy! Proverbs 11:14 “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety (NKJV).”
I want to challenge you to seek after more of God. There is so much to discover about His plans for our lives, which far surpass temporal satisfaction. God is the creator of all things, and delights in us seeking after Him. Being unmarried is not boring and you do not have to feel awkward about your marital status.
Pray and ask God to guide you in to environments with individuals that are likeminded in desiring to fulfill the work of the Lord. If your local assembly does not have a group for the unmarried, ask your pastor and start something small at your house. You can have a potluck and Bible study…plus I’ve got a great recipe for apple crisp.
I would love to hear some feedback from you. Comment below with your answers to these questions.
INS
Growing up in the church I constantly heard about the virtuous woman, but I never heard about the virtuous man. I finally learned about it at a men’s conference. They referenced Psalm 112 to describe a virtuous man.
Praise the Lord! Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in his commandments! His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. Light dawns in the darkness for the upright; he is gracious, merciful, and righteous. It is well with the man who deals generously and lends; who conducts his affairs with justice. For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady; he will not be afraid, until he looks in triumph on his adversaries. He has distributed freely; he has given to the poor; his righteousness endures forever; his horn is exalted in honor. The wicked man sees it and is angry; he gnashes his teeth and melts away; the desire of the wicked will perish!
Let’s break down these scriptures and analyze what it is to be a Psalm 112 man.
- The Psalm 112 Man is Obedient
The Psalm 112 man loves God and displays His love by obeying Him. The Psalm 112 man is guided by God in everything he does.
- The Psalm 112 Man has a Strong Legacy
Because of his obedience, the Psalm 112 man has a strong legacy. The strong and lasting legacy that he has set is faith in God. Because of his faith in God his family is blessed by God for generations to come.
- The Psalm 112 Man is a Provider
God has blessed each and everyone one of us with gifts that are not designed only to give Him glory, but to help us in providing for our families. It is important that we know who God is so that He may show us who we are. Each and everyone of us is blessed so that we can be a blessing to our family and those around us.
- The Psalm 112 Man is Gracious, Merciful and Righteous
Because the Psalm 112 man is guided by God, he reflects the character of God. He is quick to listen and slow to anger. He recognizes the grace and mercy that God has extended to him and pays it forward. And like Abraham, his faith in God will be counted unto him as righteousness. For righteousness is the obedience of faith to God’s will.
- The Psalm 112 Man is Generous
As stated before the, Psalm 112 man provides for his family and those around him. According to 2 Corinthians 9:6, if we give sparingly, we will receive sparingly, but if we give generously, we will receive generously. This scripture is directly speaking about money, but this also applies to our time and talent as well. While money is good, money isn’t everything. We must also be willing to give of ourselves generously as well.
- The Psalm 112 Man Trusts in The Lord
My father told me that as a husband and a father I am the leader. He said that if I freak out, they (my wife and kids) will freak out. A Psalm 112 man believes the scripture 2 Timothy 1:7 which says:
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
The Psalm 112 man lives a life of power, love and a sound mind. When a situation seems bleak, the Psalm 112 man waits on God’s command and acts on that command. The Psalm 112 man trusts in God.
- The Psalm 112 Man will be Hated
Jesus obeyed God and they crucified Him. What makes you think you’ll be spared? Understand that when you follow God, not everyone will love you. You could discover the cure for cancer and someone will curse you for taking so long. Be obedient and unapologetically follow God. All that matters is that You hear, “well done My good and faithful servant” when you get to heaven.
I love reading Psalm 112, it helps me to understand who I am to be as a man. It isn’t a complete and exhaustive guide, but it does give me direction.