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Inspiring Proposal Video: A Must See
It’s definitely the season of engagement and marriage! Here is a great wedding proposal that happened recently. Cameron Brooks is a native of Fort Wayne, Indiana! He uses the song “Wedding Vows” by Jamie Foxx to propose to his now fiancé! Enjoy!
ot;https://www.facebook.com/jamalbrooks”>Jamal Brooks.
Pornography. The dirty secret of mankind, the killer of relationships and the destroyer of lives.
Statistically, more than 50% of (christian) married men immerse themselves in this vial content. But, whether Christian or not, to deny the negative effects pornography has on ones life would be naive. It is even proven in scientific studies that porn can:
- Destroy trust in intimacy between couples
- Lower your sensitivity to vulgarity
- Cause a belief that marriage is restraining
- Create a lack of desire to raise children or be involved with family
- Distract your from your work, career, dreams and calling on your life
While there is no specific place in scripture where God says, “Porn is bad,” there are crucial scriptural references from which we can pull an adequate and biblical standpoint on the subject. Scriptures that cover addiction (Corinthians 6:12,) impurity/sexual immorality (Ephesians 4:19,) lust (Matthew 5:28,) etc., are all powerful and relevant references.
Still, marriages are destroyed daily, kids are left fatherless, leadership positions in the house of God are abandoned, and commitments are forgotten…all for what?
Pornography?
Let’s take a deeper look into this topic as I reveal 3 Reasons Christian Men Fall Slave to Porn.
I. They Have a Misunderstanding of Love
Point blank: God is love.
Pornography provides a false sense of love, where love is demonstrated by passion and desire rather than commitment. A misunderstanding of love can stem from a vast array of life issues, (we all have them.) But, when we don’t understand that God is love, we tend to fill that void with things that temporarily make us feel good.
When you are living a life without a true understanding of love, you are holding yourself back from complete freedom in the Lord and are willingly opening the doors to resentment in your marriage.
You can, however, overcome; not by your own strength, but by gaining knowledge and wisdom on the subject of true love from a biblical standpoint.
II. Their Marriage Is Not Satisfying
Relationships, especially marriages, take a lot of work. Day-in and day-out, it takes effort to sustain a Godly marriage, which can be quite draining, mentally and physically. Porn offers (Christian) men a ‘solution’ where they:
- Don’t have to make commitments
- Aren’t required to express romance
- Don’t have to sacrifice
- Aren’t limited to one woman
- Don’t have to hear “no thanks…”
The often unknown truth about marital intimacy, is that sexual satisfaction takes time (longer in some marriages than others.) There needs to be a balance of understanding, grace and sacrifice that takes place during this time of growth.
III. They Don’t Understand God’s Order
A man is driven by his ability to conquer, lead and protect; we are hardwired with these natural instincts. But these instincts can become distorted, and we can easily forget them if we allow our marriage to get out of order. When your marriage operates out of God’s order, it leaves room for you to turn to addictions that still give you that sense of control.
If a man understands and obediently follows God’s order in his Christian marriage, it leaves no room for error in sexual sin. (Note that I said ‘no room for error’ and not ‘no room for temptation.’ Temptation will always be there, but error doesn’t have to be.)
Ultimately, when you look past all of the distortion that porn addiction brings to a marriage, it all boils down to the fact that the man is changing up God’s intended order. He is putting his own needs before His wife’s needs, and since he is the spiritual leader of his home, impurity is inevitably where he leads his family.
Don’t go down a path you weren’t created for. Man up and lead your marriage to greatness.
Women always say “He is supposed to find me”; well, will you be ready when he does?
Men pursue, but your job is to be in a position to be pursued and ultimately ready for marriage.
Here are 25 ways to position yourself to be pursued for marriage:
- Know yourself, your strengths, weakness, and what you bring to the table.
- Be settled in a career or calling. Finish school or the certificate that you need. )
- Get counseling on any areas that need inner healing.
- Identify spiritual issues and get deliverance if need be.
- Ask friends who are males what can help you become a better future wife.
- Live by yourself for a season and learn to become the CEO of a home (cooking, cleaning, budgeting, etc.).
- Be comfortable about your looks and who you are. If you are not work on them.
- Learn how to hear the voice of God.
- Learn how to pray.
- Learn how to serve.
- Admit you want a husband. Acting like you don’t care repels what you want.
- Be cheerful, smile, and laugh. Life is beautiful.
- Be a woman of peace. Men are attracted to peace and stability.
- Learn to be consistent in your emotions. Men do not like drama.
- Pay off debt and learn how to manage your money.
- Travel and expand your world view. You will have something to talk about beyond shoes and bags.
- Spend time with some older married women.
- When guys approach you, DON’T PLAY HARD TO GET if you are interested. Respond with kindness.
- Spend time around children.
- Be open to other races and men who might be a BIT younger or older.
- Rip your long list of “must haves” in half.
- Volunteer your free time to a favorite cause.
- Have a five year and ten year vision plan.
- Be confident.
- Be GRATEFUL. Gratefulness is a doorway to increase in our lives!
When I was in grad school, I had a classmate who was in a serious relationship. She shared with me and some cohorts from class that her and her beau got into a bit of a “tiff” about friends. I stayed out of it because as a married man I prefer not to give relationship advice to single women, especially when my wife is not present.
Now let me be clear, it is not that I didn’t care about what was being said, but more than anything, I didn’t want her or anyone else to get any ideas about my motives— whether interpreted as a hint of impropriety, or suggestive flirting, —that was not my intention, so I just listened…
As I continued to listen, she explained that she was uncomfortable with his friends. Quite obviously, some of the fellas in the room were defensively firing out the usual retorts like, “you’re trying to control him” or the ever common, “you’re trying to change him.” Her reply to this banter was that those accusations were absolutely not the case and completely untrue.
She explained that she was uncomfortable with the interactions that her boyfriend and his friends were having because she and her boyfriend were talking about marriage and his friends were single. This back and forth went on for about 30 minutes or so, but it stayed with me long after.
This same conversation recently resurfaced at work with some co-workers. While I was listening to the conversation, the Holy Spirit gave me revelation: The underlying issue is not whether a married person can have single friends, but whether their single friends are mature enough to respect, honor, and cherish their married friends’ relationship.
As a spouse we must protect our relationship – we must protect the integrity of the covenant that we’ve entered into taking special care to consider how our relationships with persons outside of our marriage affect the sanctity of the union of those within it.
Friends are great and often a critical part of our development as people; but the development of people, once married, should morph into merging two persons into one!
So as it relates to friends, you must think about: who they are, what they are about, and how do they fit into your new life? At the point that your single friends (or married for that matter) impede that development, that friend has become an enemy – an enemy to your marriage, an enemy to your purpose, an enemy to the ministry that God has given you.
Additionally, and more importantly, YOU ALSO have to respect your marriage by realizing that things have changed. So, no, you cannot do everything you used to when you were single because you are not your own anymore and your decisions directly affect another person.
Remember, scripture talks about leaving your father/mother and joining your wife to be united as one…(Gen2:24/Eph5:31) Parenthetically, this can also apply to your friendships as well.
So I leave you with this: Single friends are not the problem, but single minded friends are. Anyone with an agenda to please themselves and not consider the new and amazing life that you now lead is not being led by the Lord and can be a poison that infects your marriage…potentially leading to the demise of the marital relationship.
Now as a final question I ask, “Are your single friends a recipe for disaster or no?”
From the desk of The Modern Day Cindi: This one is for the Singles (by default or by design) that have a burning desire to draw near to the Lord, especially in a world that drives sex before marriage, endorses “shacking” before covenant, and glorifies promiscuity and serial dating.
More important than ever, it is in these times that our decisions should be inspired, led, and motivated by being closely connected to the Lord through walking in relationship with Him- particularly in the realm of dating.
The bible says, be in the world but not of it, yet many question how to master this request in a society where multimedia outlets including the internet, cable television, and music are prevalent AND leading the charge in forming societal norms and current perceptions of reality.
The answer can be simplified by loving the Lord, your God, with all your heart, soul and mind and loving your neighbor as yourself. Merely knowing and embracing loving God more than anything else can change your life, change your perspective and, add peace to your journey.
In God’s infinite wisdom, he informed us that everything in the world–the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life–comes not from the Father but from the world (1 John2:16 NIV). In loving God in spirit and in truth, you put to death the desires of the flesh that are present in day-to-day living and the deceit of the heart that is driven by the lust of the eyes and the pride of life. The humility that comes through loving God above loving the things of this world is cultivated through sacrifice and is without remorse, repentance, or regret.
So what are some things that you can do along this quest to draw nearer to The Lord and fulfill his purposes for your life?
Below are 10 Tips to help with drawing near to & remaining in covenant with Him, even while dating. Now let me caution you, these tips may not be for all singles.
They are directed to, and targeting those who are: seeking the will of God beyond temporary or part-time convenience; want to balance the fulfillment of life’s desires in a constant ocean of change; are doing more than just waiting for ‘the one’ to come; and, are looking for eternal and permanent contentment with God.
Let’s proceed:
- Go through a season of purging remove known distractions or roadblocks that could hinder growing in relationship with the Lord
- Change your mind as it relates to relationships and dating, view potential suitors as brothers and sisters in Christ, instead of prospective spouses
- Reposition yourself assume a posture of prayer and pray about everything…LITERALLY
- Resolve within yourself that you will table the worlds’ way of dating and figure out how to “court” safely
- Approach with caution remember that as a children of the most high God there ARE options
- Get in front of God with Praise and Worship
- Wait for the Lord to paint the picture very clearly including what you should be doing and who you should be doing it with
- Ask the Lord to shut the door if it is not for you
- Get your satisfaction from what God has done for you
- Know that you are being set apart –not alone. God is your security, your pathway to new opportunity and in Him only can you find your identity
Now trust God on this journey and let your love for Him lead you to perfect peace!
Before I got married, I would take time to pray over my future wife, and there were specific things that I prayed. It is during that time I learned the most important qualities that I desired in my wife. Every man of God has certain qualities they find irresistible in a woman of God. Whether you are a unmarried man in need of discovering what you should look for in a wife, or a unmarried woman curious to know what qualities a man of God is searching for then this is for you!
1. A Woman of God who values honor.
A woman who fearlessly honors others, values herself. To honor someone means to esteem them or show high respect. A woman who demonstrates this reveals her heart for people. Honoring up, down, and around is the rule to follow.
Honoring up means respecting those who are in authority over you, being able to accept their role and submit to their leadership. Honoring those below you includes those that look up to you, or work underneath you. Honoring those around you is respecting your friends, family, and colleagues. You know a woman who honors by the words she speaks to those closest to her. Finding the gold in someone is easy because they only desire to build that person up rather than tear them down. A woman who values honor adds value to everyone around her, which makes for an irresistible woman.
2. A woman of God who is interdependent.
A woman who is interdependent is not solely dependent on others, nor is she solely dependent on herself, but understands she needs others to thrive in life. When we come out of the womb, we are fully dependent on our parents, and the goal is learn how to do life on our own while being mutually dependent upon others.
This quality is best seen in those that aren’t to prideful to ask for help or support, and are able to do the same for others. Every husband feels esteemed when their wives depend on them, but they treasure a woman they can depend on as well.
3. A woman of God who has identity.
A woman who knows who she is, and her identity is in Christ will not be found falling into the traps set by the Enemy. When a woman’s identity is in Christ there are a myriad of things that will follow such as: confidence, consistency, resilience, humility, ability to change, and loving unconditionally.
When talking with my other male friends who are married and some still unmarried, they each said this was one of the most important qualities that drew them to their wives. This quality keeps you from competing, being jealous, or intimidated by others.
4. A woman of God who is a lover of God.
A woman who is a lover of God has not only found God, but has been found by God. She knows His heart, and He knows hers. This level of relationship requires grace, discipline, and sacrifice. When the bible says in John 14:23, “Anyone who loves me will obey my commands”, He is talking about lovers of God. A woman who loves God, bears the fruit of it by obeying Him.
This quality is one that draws and keeps a genuine man of God. This was the quality I prayed for in my wife more than any other. I knew if she was a lover of God then everything else would fall in line.
5. A woman of God who is holistically beautiful.
The term, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, is very true because everyone sees beauty differently. 1 Peter 3:3-5 eloquently states, “Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”
As I am writing this my wife is sitting next to me, with no make up on, in regular clothes, while wearing a baseball cap. She is still the most beautiful thing my eyes have seen because it is her inward beauty that fills the cup, and her outward beauty causes the cup to overflow. I am not advocating to neglect your outward appearance for it is in a woman’s outward beauty that she is able to embrace and reflect herself as God’s creation.
Written by: Sydney Bennet
First, don’t be scared of the word courtship! I know it has this scary, being set up, super strict connotation to it, but that’s not true! I’ve been there. I was scared of dating at one point and completely confused about courting.
As a young woman after a life that glorifies God, the entire realm of relationships can just be tricky and hard. But, I have lived a little. With more life and experience comes understanding.
Now, I’m not knocking “dating” because people are different and terms have different meanings for everyone. However, I’ve learned that courting is a little different and better for me.
Courting is less about FEELINGS and more about more important things. This is coming from a girl who is all about connections, vibes, and all things romantic, so hear me out here…
Courting is less about feelings and more about:
Foundation
A lot of times dating relationships are rushed. There is a whirlwind of romance and waves of feelings. There is a pull to go ahead and make everything official with a title, but no real understanding of your partner. In courting, although the relationship is intentional (for marriage), there is a patient pace to it.
Because it is geared towards marriage, there is a seriousness and respect associated with the daily decision to move forward. A lot of couples are also opting to take pre-marital classes before engagement and during courtship because it helps establish an even stronger foundation and more understanding about each other before taking that big step. However, that foundational process may look like for you, courting provides one that dating doesn’t.
Courting is less about feelings and more about:
Friendship
Most long lasting marriages and truly happy couples will tell you how key friendship is. Because courting already requires that foundational element and being on the same page with some one in the area of values, friendship is naturally a little easier.
While, it is different for everyone, courting also has certain physical borders and boundaries. Some people opt for no kissing until marriage others may practice abstinence. Whatever the line is, courting cuts off physical attachments that make relationships cloudy and friendship harder. In this type of union you truly do have to focus on the friendship.
Courting is less about feelings and more about:
Future/Function
Courting places a great deal on the future functionality of a relationship and less on current feelings. When you court, you basically look at your partner as a husband /wife candidate and a mother/father of your children candidate.
Yes, it’s just that serious. You set your current feelings aside and take a really good look at how your future goals and desires will mesh with your partner’s.
This comes out in real conversations, assessments, and sometimes even compromises in your life to align with your partner’s. In dating, temporary thrills are usually the focus.
Functionality goes hand in hand with your future in courting, because you are taking note of how you two can operate as life/business/prayer partners and more! You wouldn’t invest a lot of money in a car or home that didn’t function well for you or fit your future, the same goes for courting relational investments.
I’m still in the courting process and figuring more out, but I do know that foundation, friendship, future, and function are better focuses for me than feelings!
About the Contributing Author:
Sydney considers herself a reflection of God’s grace. She loves all things inspiration! You can find her writing, daydreaming, creating marketing & communication content, or advising youth. She plans to unite her passions & purpose to expose truth, hope, and love daily.
Husbands, I get it.
She has been nagging you day in and day out. You are sick and tired of being huff and puffed at, told what to do, hearing her vent, being scolded, given dirty looks and rolled eyes, asked to help around the house after a full day of work, and especially being told “no” to intimacy.
No matter how many times you tell her you love her, or go above and beyond to make her happy, she focuses the 1 ‘wrong’ out of 100 ‘rights.’ All of your attempts to show her love are shut down because she thinks that “making love” is your hidden agenda.
Any ounce of patience that you had left disappeared when she told you those infamous words, “you just don’t understand.”
You are drained. Annoyed. Angry. Upset. Confused. Trust me, I understand.
The only desire you have is to be close to her in mind, body and spirit. To be ‘one’ in unity. To hold her. To love her. To please her. To make her smile and laugh. You just don’t know how. Well, take a second to listen from the perspective of experience.
Slow down. Relax. Clear your mind. Focus.
It is our responsibility as men to approach our wives with grace and understanding, no justifications. There are no conditional clauses in scripture, in regards to our relationships with our wives. (i.e. Peter 3:7. “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”)
As the man and leader of your home, show her grace for the 1,000,004th time. Sincerely apologize over and over again, change your character, refine your integrity, and speak her love language. Again…and again…and again. Act like the man you promised to be in your wedding vows, and be the warrior she needs you to be.
1. She needs you to be strong when she can’t.
2. She needs you to talk kindly to her when she is harsh with her words.
3. She needs you to wash those dishes, pick up those clothes, put that toilet seat down, turn off that light, make that bed, and then kiss her good night.
4. She needs you to love her when it is hard.
Be willing to lose the battle, so you can win the war and finally have that Godly marriage you both desire.
After all, how many times has your Heavenly Father asked to spend time with you and you’ve ignored him, huffed and puffed, or rolled your eyes? How many times has He wanted to talk to you, but you just wanted to vent?
How many times has he done 100 amazing things in your life, but you tell Him about the 1 thing you are ticked off about. And how many times has he asked to be spiritually intimate, and you’ve told him no?
Yet, He shows you grace, He understands, and He loves you. He ‘lost’ that battle for us, knowing it would win the war.