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When Trust is Broken: The Road To Restoration

There is a part deep down in every person that wants to believe that they would never lie to or hide anything from their spouse, and that their spouse would return the favor. Whether it’s a tiny little fib or a whale of a tale, unfortunately there comes a time in every marriage where honesty and complete transparency takes a backseat to our fear of some thing or other.
Uh oh…it just got real in here. I am sorry to report that this isn’t one of those feel good topics, it’s going to make you to take a look at the harsh reality of the human condition. The fact is, trust gets broken. Like one of those ships in a bottle, it can be shattered by the slightest shake and takes countless hours and effort to rebuild.
Whatever side of the situation you may be on, giving up and walking away always seems like the first and best solution. It is natural to want to protect ourselves if we’ve been lied to and to shy away from responsibility if we were the offender. In a godly marriage, this just isn’t an option. It means its time to go to God, and time to go to work.
It’s About What You Believe: When someone lies or commits a trespass, we often forget that the action itself is not the issue, it is a belief that causes the action that needs to be addressed. For example, if a spouse struggles with a porn addiction, then restricting access to computers is only a band-aid and they will find a way back to their old habits.
A successful approach would be to find the root of why they feel the need to have this behavior in their life and attack the source. By separating who they are from what they do, you can honor the person and destroy the lie.
It’s About Working Together: When there is a break in a marriage’s trust, it takes a team effort to bring it back together. It’s not about having the offender go off and fix him or herself until they are ready to behave.
Of course some situations call for time apart but both people should be actively strategizing a game plan and not wallowing in their self-pity. It’s about repentance and forgiveness joining forces and keeping lines of communication open so that there is no room for the enemies lies to creep in.
It’s About Where You Are Going: Getting hurt by a loved one can make you take a look in the rear view mirror at all the prior offenses so that you can justify your hurt and anger. It is ok to take stock of the situation and notice repeat behavior, but don’t linger there.
Forgiveness is what we are called to do and part of letting go of the past is looking to your marriage’s future and finding something to grab onto. What piece of your spouse’s God-given identity and destiny can you pick up and show to them?

3 Reasons Why Christian Men fall Slave to Porn

Pornography. The dirty secret of mankind, the killer of relationships and the destroyer of lives.
Statistically, more than 50% of (christian) married men immerse themselves in this vial content. But, whether Christian or not, to deny the negative effects pornography has on ones life would be naive. It is even proven in scientific studies that porn can:

Destroy trust in intimacy between couples
Lower your sensitivity to vulgarity
Cause a belief that marriage is restraining
Create a lack of desire to raise children or be involved with family
Distract your from your work, career, dreams and calling on your life

While there is no specific place in scripture where God says, “Porn is bad,” there are crucial scriptural references from which we can pull an adequate and biblical standpoint on the subject. Scriptures that cover addiction (Corinthians 6:12,) impurity/sexual immorality (Ephesians 4:19,) lust (Matthew 5:28,) etc., are all powerful and relevant references.
Still, marriages are destroyed daily, kids are left fatherless, leadership positions in the house of God are abandoned, and commitments are forgotten…all for what?
Pornography?
Let’s take a deeper look into this topic as I reveal 3 Reasons Christian Men Fall Slave to Porn.

I. They Have a Misunderstanding of Love

Point blank: God is love.
Pornography provides a false sense of love, where love is demonstrated by passion and desire rather than commitment. A misunderstanding of love can stem from a vast array of life issues, (we all have them.) But, when we don’t understand that God is love, we tend to fill that void with things that temporarily make us feel good.
When you are living a life without a true understanding of love, you are holding yourself back from complete freedom in the Lord and are willingly opening the doors to resentment in your marriage.
You can, however, overcome; not by your own strength, but by gaining knowledge and wisdom on the subject of true love from a biblical standpoint.

II. Their Marriage Is Not Satisfying

Relationships, especially marriages, take a lot of work. Day-in and day-out, it takes effort to sustain a Godly marriage, which can be quite draining, mentally and physically. Porn offers (Christian) men a ‘solution’ where they:

Don’t have to make commitments
Aren’t required to express romance
Don’t have to sacrifice
Aren’t limited to one woman
Don’t have to hear “no thanks…”

The often unknown truth about marital intimacy, is that sexual satisfaction takes time (longer in some marriages than others.) There needs to be a balance of understanding, grace and sacrifice that takes place during this time of growth.
III. They Don’t Understand God’s Order
A man is driven by his ability to conquer, lead and protect; we are hardwired with these natural instincts. But these instincts can become distorted, and we can easily forget them if we allow our marriage to get out of order. When your marriage operates out of God’s order, it leaves room for you to turn to addictions that still give you that sense of control.
If a man understands and obediently follows God’s order in his Christian marriage, it leaves no room for error in sexual sin. (Note that I said ‘no room for error’ and not ‘no room for temptation.’ Temptation will always be there, but error doesn’t have to be.)
Ultimately, when you look past all of the distortion that porn addiction brings to a marriage, it all boils down to the fact that the man is changing up God’s intended order. He is putting his own needs before His wife’s needs, and since he is the spiritual leader of his home, impurity is inevitably where he leads his family.
Don’t go down a path you weren’t created for. Man up and lead your marriage to greatness.