Recently I have been dwelling on the scripture Ephesians 5: 28 “In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.” Though it is straight forward, I have found it to be packed with meaning. I have watched the men around me falter in their relationships because of lack of self control, or what we consider to be selfishness.
The fact that a person would stray from their spouse, whether through cheating or finding something else to occupy their time and energy, must mean that they love themselves more than they love their spouse. But, I have learned that this is not true.
When a person is incapable of loving his/her spouse, it is not because they love themselves too much, it is because he/she lacks love all together.
When anyone is in search of anything outside of the marriage to compensate for what they believe is missing, it means there is a void that nothing but Christ can fill. Your spouse is incapable of loving you without first loving himself. You cannot teach your spouse how to love you, and it certainly isn’t your job either. We learn true love from Christ and his examples in the word of God. Ephesians 3:19 says, “May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.
Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” Completion cannot come from anyone but Christ. It certainly will not come from you, because you are just as imperfect as your straying spouse. Though you may not see it or exhibit it in the same way your spouse does, you may have some work to do on yourself.
An imbalanced marriage does not occur because of one person. It is a collection of occurrences on both parts that leads to a break down.
If you are feeling unloved or unsupported, it is up to you to say so, but it is not up to you to fix it. This means that it is not up to you to fix or change the person that you are with so that you can be loved the way you want to be.
Remember, if your spouse is not loving you right, then he/she is not loving him/herself in the right way either. You should voice your feelings and be supportive in any way that you can while your spouse is learning how to love and forgive him/herself, but don’t think that you have the answer to their problems. The answer only lies in one entity: Christ.
When dealing with a spouse who isn’t on the same page as you are, the best thing you can do is pray and lead by example. “And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband[d] brings holiness to his marriage.” (2 Corinthians 7:13-15). Holiness in a marriage means loving unconditionally.
It means learning how to love and forgive yourself and your spouse. It means to put your foundation in the things of God and when you are grounded in God, you both are grounded in each other. Don’t allow your spouse’s negative behavior to dictate yours.
When you do allow their behavior to dictate yours, you’re be throwing away the chance that you have to help get your relationship back on course.
I have found that anytime I have felt neglected, unloved, or alone, God always reminded me that I still have to do my part as a wife. My husband would see my dedication to God and to him, and would strive to match me. Of course I always learn that I am overreacting to certain behaviors, but I also see a change in him.
Marriage is a forever covenant that you make with an imperfect and emotional person. As the spouse of someone who does not seem to love you in the same way anymore, you should find your place in Christ, pray hard, and continue to love your spouse through both actions and words. Your faithfulness to your spouse and your Lord may spark a change in him/her.