Tag: relationships

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

What If God Doesn't Send Your Boaz?

Beauty and skin care concept. Headshot of fashionable dark-skinned young woman with stylish haircut and clean healthy skin looking away with serious and pensive expression, resting against wooden wall

by Richelle Henry
So often, I hear within the single Christian women community to just keep working in my field. I hear that Ruth was found working and busy doing her purpose when she positioned herself to be found by this man of perfection, Mr. Boaz. So many women post statuses about being found by this famous man and even caption photos that tell the story of her wait. We’ve been sold this lie that when it comes to singleness, Boaz in all of his manliness, will come and rescue us from our singleness.
But I must ask you, “What if God doesn’t send you Boaz?”
It’s clear that he’s a hot commodity and millions of Christian women are a part of the rhetoric that if we just position ourselves, flow in purpose, and know who we are, that our prize at the end of it all would be marriage with our Boaz.
But what if God sent me a Moses?
A man who is a leader, but sometimes emotionally driven and in need of my assurance to stand in the fullness of who He was called to be? Although Moses was called, He still felt extremely inadequate and battled insecurities that almost caused him to forfeit the leader that the Lord was trying to pull out of him. What if it were my responsibility to encourage him into his identity?
 
What if God sent me an Elijah?
A man who has had his share of great victories but still wrestles with fear in such a way that he falls into bouts of lowness and crushing depression? Could I be the woman that God has sent to help draw him out of those cave moments and like the Angel did with Elijah, speak the words, “get up and eat?” Could I be a woman of patience, grace, and love to look beyond his bouts of discouragement and see the man he’s destined to be? (See 1 Kings 18 & 1 Kings 19)
 
What if God sent me a Jonah?
A man who has a sure call upon his life to deliver a difficult message, only to be so discouraged with the mantle of his calling that it sends him running? Could I be the woman who, like the whale, was sent to remind him of the importance of obeying the voice of the Lord the first time? Could I be the woman who is sent to help him instead put his fears to flight, instead of his purpose? (See Jonah, Chapter 1)
 
What if God sent me an Abraham?
A man who has received a word to leave everything behind and just follow the Lord to a land that He would soon show him? A man who received a promise and didn’t have the patience to wait for it? Could I be the woman to help him steward the word of the Lord properly and correctly? Could I be the woman who has a husband who receives direction to leave a place of familiarity and help my husband walk forward in absolute and unrelenting faith in obedience to the Father?  (See Genesis 12)
 
What if God sent me David?
A man after God’s own heart but had a past of infidelity, adultery, and murder? Clearly, this man was chosen by God but had a past filled with all sorts of things that would cause many to question his qualification to be used by God. Could I be the woman to help purge the record that holds his confidence hostage and loves him for who He was called to be, not who He used to be? (See 2 Samuel 11)
 
You see, if we continue to believe that we are only created to marry a Boaz, we will be conditioned to believe that he will come perfect and not flawed. We will be conditioned to believe that all of the responsibility will be on him to be perfect, all while forgetting the grace it takes for us to love the man we come into covenant with. What if you position yourself, glean in your field, wait on the threshing floor and the Lord sent you a man mentioned above?  Would you have been so occupied in being found by perfection that you forfeit the man that was created to help you do destiny and purpose with and you the same for him? So, go on, keep waiting for your Boaz. I can assure you, I won’t be doing the same. I’ll be too busy praying that my heart is prepared for the encouraging, pouring, sharpening, and purging that I may have to do with my David, Abraham, or Elijah.
 
Take Heed & Live Free,
Chelle
 
Richelle is Florida-native with a heart for all things Jesus and loving on people. Her passions include counseling, writing, hanging out with friends, family, and cooking! She hopes that in presenting her scars and giving others the courage to reveal their own that it would ultimately put the Father’s love on display to transform, heal, and completely restore! Find Richelle over at her blog www.showthosescars.com.

Categories
Single

Why It's Important to be Deeply Rooted In God Before Entering a Relationship

Interview by Habiba Abudu
 

Habiba Abudu had the pleasure of interviewing Sopha Rush, who is inspiring thousands of women with her Instagram(@livedeeplyrooted), Youtube (livedeeplyrooted) and Blog (livedeeplyrooted.blogspot.ca). Rush emphasizes the fact that it’s most important to have a relationship with God before starting one with a man. Her life is a testament of God’s faithfulness as she served God diligently before meeting her husband, Anthony Rush, in college. Currently, Rush works with foster children in St. Joe’s Children’s Home in Louisville, Kentucky. Aiming for the top, Sopha has a passion for mentoring the younger generation and is constantly pursuing new endeavors. 
Habiba Abudu (HA) : You often discuss your prolonged singleness in order to marry the person God has for you. Why was that important to you and what kept you focused during that season of your life ?
Sopha Rush (SR): During my season of singleness, I promised myself that I would not jump into a relationship with just anyone. Trying to force something that God didn’t put together. I knew I wanted my next relationship to be my last so I was in no rush to start dating.  After my last
relationship (before meeting Anthony), I wanted to make sure that my relationship with God, was not put on the “back burner”. I wanted to make sure I was confident in who I was in Christ. If my relationship with God was not right, how would He honor me and my desires? I had to get my priorities straight which is what I did during my singleness and I don’t regret the wait one bit.
 Live Deeply Rooted 2
HA: On your social media feed you emphasize self – love. Were you always assured of yourself and what has helped you become confident in yourself ?
SR: Yes, I speak highly of self love. If you don’t fully love yourself, how do you expect to know what you truly deserve? Was I always assured of myself? No, not at all. That’s the beauty of the journey. Discovering who you are and learning more about yourself. What helped me become more confident in myself was understanding where my worth comes from. Knowing God’s truth about who I am, made me love myself (as a daughter of His). For He sees me as royalty and because of that, I am confident in who I am.
sophashoes
HA : What are some things you wish you knew, now that you are married?
SR : Well, this is a funny question to me. I don’t really think you can ever be prepared for marriage. It’s all a learning process. Before marriage, we both attended pre-marriage counseling. (Despite attending counseling) we still had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. It’s a beautiful thing, being married, but it’s requires work, effort, and commitment. It takes two to make a marriage successful. Of course, we are human so we fail
and disappoint each other at times. But, we forgive each other. A lot of grace and patience keeps us sane. I don’t wish I would have known anything before I got married because we both have learned so much along the way…just growing together every day.
inspiresopha
HA : Has being multi – raced ever been a source of discomfort for you? How do you embrace both cultures?
SR : Yes, I am indeed bi-racial. I like to think of myself as a melting pot. My mom is half Cambodian, half Thai. My dad is black and white. When I was in high school, I experienced discomfort in embracing my differences. I attended a predominately white school so there weren’t a lot of people that looked like me. I tried to mask a lot of who I was because I had no one to show me that being different was okay. It wasn’t until college that I learned how to truly love myself. After I embraced my uniqueness, I was so in love with the way God made me. I stopped trying to be like everyone else. I loved me for me! Of course, it’s a continual process of learning new ways to love myself.
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HA : What are some long – term goals that you have for yourself ?
SR: I have so many long term goals I would love to accomplish! A few include : starting a family with my husband, becoming debt free by 2018, buying our first home together. I am currently working on a book that I would love to get published in the next year. Also, being able to travel with my husband to a new country. I would love to become an entrepreneur by the age of 30. These are just a few of my goals, I have so many.
godisdope
HA : Why was purity important to you? How did you and your spouse maintain a high standard of purity?
SR : My purity was important to me because I made a vow between God and I, that I wanted to save myself for marriage. I wanted to give a gift
to my husband that was only for him. Purity was important to him, because he knew how much it meant to me. My husband wasn’t a virgin when we met, but because he respected me, he waited 3.5 years until we got married. He protected me and loved me enough to wait – that spoke volumes to me. In order to keep a high standard of purity, we had to set boundaries and keep in the forefront of our minds that the end goal was marriage. We had to stop kissing (tragic I know) and set limits on how late we could see each other. It was so hard, but man was it worth it. He was worth it.
sopharush
Habiba Abudu is a writer based in Toronto, Canada. She loves writing, exploring and eating good food. You can find her at www.habibaabudu.com, www.facebook.com/habibadoesthings, on Instagram @therealhabibaabudu. Stay tuned for Tickle Me Fancy.

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

Punk'd!

Dating couple tourists eating waffles on date enjoying food snack. Romantic man and woman laughing having fun outdoors. Multiracial couple, Young Caucasian man and Asian woman.

by Joy Oguntimein
How cool would it have been to be Ashton Kutcher walking into the tent shouting “You just got punkd!”  the morning Jacob woke up and realized he married Leah and not Rachel. That ‘lil love bird got played!!
 
Some of us are punking our future spouses. It’s been months since the first date, yet we’re still only allowing the other person to see a version of us that’s been cropped, edited, and filtered.  We hide any evidence of our imperfections so we can earn the “married” badge.
 
Honey, lean in for some truth. We can’t live life in bondage, afraid of people not liking the real us. If we are going to have any real happy, in our happily ever after stories, then we need to practice being real in our relationships now, with our family and friends. 
 
One of the most important things you can do in your marriage-Be Yourself!  Being yourself is a habit developed over time; not magically when you say I do. Here are a few tips for being your authentic self:
 
 1. Be Authentic.  DUH!  Yes, start here.  Start by being honest about what you like, what you don’t like, what you value, and how you’re feeling.
While we all have an innate desire to be accepted and loved by others, we need to belong in communities that value us and our unique contribution. If people only want to accept the person you pretend to be, then they are not accepting you. 
 2. Be grateful for the amazing and unique being you are.  Be open about your faults and weaknesses.
When we present a facade of who we are, we don’t give people the opportunity to love us completely. Your future partner can’t connect with you if they can’t see the real you. Don’t get caught up trying to be someone else that you forget how special you are, flaws and all.
 3. Be courageous enough to be vulnerable.  Whether a parent, sibling, prayer partner, etc.  you need at least one person (preferably 2) you can be vulnerable with.
We should invest in the relationships that allow us to share both our pleasure and pain.  Let’s invest in the people who are open to seeing the behind the scenes footage, not just the highlight reels posted on Instagram.  We need intentional, genuine, and consistent community that comes through being ourselves.
Want real love?  Then bring the real you to the relationship. To find, keep, and build a lasting love,  be you.  Free yourself and rest in the truth that you’re loved by Jesus, with all your brokenness, gifts, flaws, positive traits, and weirdness.
 
Unless you’re a professional actor/actress, you will not win an Academy or Emmy for impressing other people with your ability to be someone besides yourself.  This is real life, not a reality TV show.  So, let’s stop faking, and be the real, authentic people God has created us to be.  When you do, you’ll be building a foundation for a strong, healthy relationship.1

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home

He Proposed After 3 and Half Years of Dating… Why I stayed!

marry me, proposal in Paris near Eiffel Tower

We live in a generation where courtship turns into marriage within 6 months or less. Because of that, I was often asked, “ What’s taking him so long?” Besides that being a question from him, it made me uncomfortable that people were bothered by our relationship status more than we were. Newly engaged, I don’t regret a minute spend being his girlfriend, and here’s why:
1. Divorce is REAL!
I’ve witnessed young people rush into marriage…better yet a world of problems. See, my fiancé and I both believe “Divorce is not an option”. With that being said, we wanted to ensure when we say “I Do” there would be no need for the “D” word. We truly spent 3 years getting to know one another on a deep level, learning flaws, triggers, and fine-tuning our communication skills. Because of that, we know each other like the back of our hands.
2. I Knew What I Wanted!
After only 6 months of dating, I knew he would be my husband. We’d been friends for 4+ years, he knew every part of me, and I him. Sure, I didn’t think it would take 3.5 years, but I was willing to wait. He was EVERYTHING I asked God to send me. I lacked nothing in him, and I knew we shared the desire to get married!
3. I Prayed!
Spring of 2016, I spent a lot of time with God regarding our relationship and its status! God asked me, what do you want? I rattled off what everyone else thought I should have, and he asked me again “What do you want”. After conversing with God and laying my troubles at His feet, I felt a renewing in our relationship! I knew my doubt didn’t come from the relationship itself, but the people who shared unsolicited opinions.
4. I Can DO What I Want
People have always had and always will have an opinion. If it’s not about engagement, it’s about how you should do the wedding, when you’ll have babies….it’s a never ending cycle. The truth of the matter is I CAN DO WHAT I WANT…WHAT WE WANT. There’s no rule book stating marriage must commence within a certain time frame. When I realized that, I felt a freedom to do what I wanted!
5. Finally, God’s Timing Is Perfect
God knew what He was doing in making me wait. Had I got married sooner, I’d be on divorce court (lol). Yes! I can admit it! My heart was consumed with being a bride, not a wife. During my time of prayer, God revealed the areas I needed to work on. I guess my engagement is God’s seal of approval of my intentional hard work!
I chose to wait because I wanted to! I waited because there’s nothing wrong with it! I waited because I needed to grow! I waited because the day I would get engaged was marked on God’s calendar (Psalm 139:16, NLT). Ladies and gents, stop adhering to timelines that don’t exist, trying to beat a clock created by social media, operating according to someone else’s love story or being moved by what others have to say! Let God be the author and the finisher of your love story!
XOXO,
A Very Happy “Future Ms. Terry”

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

What Does Love Really Have to Do with It?

I bet your wondering what in the world can this blog post be about? What does she mean by “what does love have to do with it?”
 
Well, in a society and generation that has completely contaminated the meaning of LOVE, I thought it would be best to do some clarifying.Most people don’t have a clue what love is. They want to rush into relationships based on commonality, attraction, or a “feeling.” But, those three things literally have nothing to do with love.
We began to lose the war of the true meaning of love when people started making it into a fantasy and removing the reality.When people wanted to take the easy way out rather than learning to endure, because where there is love there is endurance.When people wanted to allow their desires to run wild instead of committing and remaining faithful, with love there is commitment.
 
You see, this awful cycle and contamination started YEARS ago, but as an agent of Christ my objective is to correct what’s been tainted.
Let’s compare Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary definition of love with the Bible’s definition of love.
Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines love as “a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties; attraction based on sexual desire; or affection and tenderness felt by lovers.”
Well, let me ask you this… What happens when those affections die down? What happens when sex isn’t enough anymore? What happens when you don’t feel loved or want to love anymore?
Here’s the problem, love can’t be narrowed down to such a simplistic feeling or desire in the moment. Let’s be honest, desires and feelings change like the wind for some people, and the truth is, love remains. This is why it can’t be considered a feeling or a desire.
The Bible defines love as a decision that is made through every situation, circumstance, obstacle, uncertainty, commitment, and overall life event.
In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 it says, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.”
If you’re going to love someone in a relationship context, understand that love is not just a word to throw back and forth, but there are real decisions that have to be made each day in order to truly love someone.
So, what does love really have to do with it? It has EVERYTHING to do with it! After reading this post, I suggest you take some time to ask yourself, “have I contaminated the REAL meaning of LOVE?” It’s not too late to make some changes. Now that you have this information, what are you going to do with it?

Categories
Communication Marriage

How You Are Hurting Your Husband's Growth

Returning russian wife in shock of husband and shrunken plants

Ladies, I will be the first to admit. Control is a HARD THING to overcome. As women, I think it is natural for us to want to take over a situation – as nurturers, we want to make sure everyone is provided for and everything is order. Here are some tips to help keep you sane and allow your husband to grow.
Know your limitations
Understand your limitations and don’t bury yourself! You will stress yourself out and get to a point of bursting because you are trying to balance and task manage every little thing.
The beauty of a marriage is TWO PEOPLE. That is another person to share all of life’s crazy tasks with – calling insurance, grocery shopping, taking the kids to their activities, whatever! Find a balance that works for your family unit and if you are overwhelmed ASK FOR HELP! Your husband may read you well, but he is not a mind reader! Be conscious of your state of mind and what you are capable of handling on your plate.
Give him the chance to help you
If you want extra help keeping the household in order, start providing small opportunities your husband can tackle while you take care of some of the more tedious tasks. Try giving him the grocery list to do the grocery shopping for the week, or give him the utility bill to pay online every month. The more they are involved, the more help they will be, and the more they realize how much you contribute to running the household.
Men compartmentalize their thoughts, while women are often thinking of what needs to get done next. Communicate your needs or desires and give him a date you need it completed by to help minimize the nagging and ensure it gets taken care of.
Have the faith that he CAN do it
After a year of marriage, I found myself simply not asking him to do things because I had to ask 3 times before it got done – or I feared he would forget to do a part of the task, so instead of asking for his assistance, I just decided to take it on myself. WRONG WRONG WRONG. It was here that the Lord showed me I had idolized my method of doing things and doing them to (my idea of) perfection.
A few months ago, my husband had taken our dog to get groomed and I found myself asking all sorts of questions – How does she look? How much was it? Can you send me a picture? I realized that when I had been giving my husband tasks, I had been texting him asking questions through the whole thing instead of entrusting him to get it done. By acting this way, we are instilling a “not good enough” or “can’t do it right” mentality in our men, when we should be building them up!
When we nag and breathe down our husband’s back, we never give them an opportunity to achieve or exceed our expectations, but instead set a standard to where they always fall short. We drive home the point that they cannot do anything right, that we are the only ones that can complete a task, and do it to the highest standard.  
So maybe your daughter is not wearing the exact outfit you had in mind?
Maybe he plans to do the laundry tonight while the game is on instead of right now.
Or perhaps he makes the effort to clean the kitchen (even though it’s not as clean as you do it).
We need to celebrate and encourage our husbands as they grow to be the providers and head of the house. The only way your husband can grow is if you let him try. So for all my wives out there struggling with control, let today be the day you start to say “okay,” and let your hubby help run the show.
 

Categories
Communication Marriage

Top 4 Things I Learned in 1.5 Years of Marriage

dating or first love, young couple sitting together on the bench, view from the back

I LOVE reflecting. There is something so cool about looking back and seeing how far you have come. Reflection allows you to see progress, and helps you to put language to your future – where you want to go. As my husband and I celebrate 1.5 years of marriage today, here are the recent things I am learning in marriage I wanted to share with all of you.
 
1. The Importance of Follow Through.
Whether it is cleaning the dishes after dinner, fixing the leaking sink, or folding the laundry in the dryer.. when you follow through, it allows you to bring something to completion. It rids one thing off your plate, and avoids the all familiar [procrastination] that creeps in so easily if we let it. When we learn to follow through, it allows you to take control of things in your life instead of letting life continuously happen to you, and facing the potential consequences for not taking care of a task right away.
Example – procrastinating on a bill, forgetting and having a late payment. Leaving the laundry in the dryer, having wrinkled clothes when you want to wear that sweater you left in.
Although it may seem trivial, follow through helps teach you to be a planner and how to instill greater habits and disciplines in your daily routine.
 
2. Appreciation Goes A Long Way.
Thanks for doing the dishes. Thanks for taking the dog out. Thank you for driving tonight. Seem silly? Have you ever heard someone ask you to stop thanking them so much? I know I haven’t. Saying thanks and showing appreciation for your spouse’s actions is a really easy way to acknowledge the things they do, or say. Although praise should not be our motivation, it is nice to be noticed, whether it was intentional or not. Appreciation can remove the bitterness one may feel in taking on an additional household task and alter your spouse’s attitude in a given situation. It shifts the perspective from “I” to “we” as we realize we are working together to make life easier.
Think it’s pointless to have to say thanks for the small things? I can almost guarantee you it will help soften your next fight – to keep the laundry list of “things you didn’t do” out of your argument that you have been waiting to get credit for. So whether the giver or the receiver, remember appreciation goes a LONG way. Think about what you would want to hear, and provide the same support to your spouse.
 
3.  Let Go of Control.
As a single, you get used to doing things a certain way, or maybe at a certain time, and this is how you like it to be done. I remember when we first got married – my husband and I used to fold the bath towels differently. Was it really a big deal? No, but when you are used to something happening a certain way, it can drive you nuts! My advice to all our couples out there – think about what you are trying to control about your spouse.
Is your desire for control or “my way” causing you to take on more than you can handle in the relationship?
Are you inhibiting your husband’s growth or demeaning him as a man because you feel like you are the only one that can complete a task to an acceptable standard?
Is this situation/task detrimental to doing it your way, or will you get the same result if you let him accomplish it his way as well?
Control will drive you to the ground if you let it. For individuals with strong personalities, stepping back can be a hard thing to do. Evaluate what you have on your plate and be aware of what you can and can’t handle, before a blow up happens. Marriage has two people for a reason – start working like a team, not like a boss.
 
4. Communication is Key.
Biggest root of almost every disagreement: miscommunication. Whether it was misinterpreting words, what you “thought” you heard, apparent body language – our perception can greatly alter the result of a situation. Albeit, you and your spouse may not have the same communication styles, but learning each other’s, will help you understand how your spouse operates and how to communicate TOGETHER.
As you develop your functionality as a couple, my advice would be over communication vs. no communication. As a married person, you now have another person to consider. So if your meeting runs late, your friend wants to come over, or you are going to end up spending a little extra money than you expected, giving your spouse a heads up will make them feel valued and a part of the decision instead of feeling as if they didn’t have a voice in the situation, or were left in the dark. As time goes on, you’re expectations of each other will become more clear, and you’ll soon learn what types of things are important to your spouse to be communicated, and which notices you may go without.

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

3 Attributes a Man Needs to Date You

Man In Prayer
1. Unwavering Faith in Christ
Before Christ, I dated men that were filled with darkness because I too was filled with darkness. I was longing for love, not realizing that I didn’t have love. I was simply longing for an emotion that wasn’t on the inside of me. In essence, I longed for something I didn’t even know.
I found myself never waiting on the right one but simply settling for all the wrong ones. These men had no faith in God. They didn’t believe in the God that I knew growing up as a child. But again my reality set in, that I didn’t have faith in God either. I knew who God was but I didn’t completely trust that he could be ruler over my life.
I’ve encountered so many broken relationships in my life romantically that I arrived at a place in 2014 that I couldn’t take the pain any longer. I began to have faith in God because I saw for myself that He was the true and the living God. Now I desired not only to put my trust in the Most High God but to also wait for a man that had faith in God. I didn’t want a man with wavering faith. I needed a man that had unwavering faith in Jesus Christ.
2. Incorruptible Reputation
My past isn’t pretty. I’ve made some choices that I regretted making in this life. If you would read my story, my reputation was corrupt. If you heard some of things that I did, you would probably be shocked. Even sometimes when I look back over my life, I too am shocked at some choices I made. The great thing that I’ve discovered is the ashes of my past made beauty of my future.
When God called me out of darkness into his marvelous light in 2014, my sins were forgiven, my past was finished and I was a new creature in Christ Jesus. Living for Christ doesn’t mean that I’m perfect but that God thought I was worth it. Even now when I fall, His love covers me.
I had dated men that said all the right stuff, but their actions never aligned with their words. By the time I realized that they were liars, I had already invited them into my bed, only to find that they were not the one that God had ordained for my life.
So I came to a point of realizing that the man that God needed me to have would need to have an incorruptible reputation. I’m not saying that his past had to be squeaky clean. But I am saying that his walk with Christ had to align with the word of God. His actions had to align with the word of God. The way he treated others and even me had to resemble the word of God.
3. Strong Biblical Foundation
I learned so much about my heavenly father by reading the bible. It is through his word that I’ve become grounded in His truth. It is through His word that my life has transformed and the woman I use to be was formed into what my Heavenly Father wanted me to be. It’s through the bible that I learned how to pray and even what to say.
The man that I prayed for needed to have a biblical foundation. There are so many ideologies out there in the world. Many of our people are falling for beliefs that God never intended for us to consume our spirits with. Because of that very truth, I needed a man that had a strong biblical foundation. A man that wasn’t afraid to open his bible and study the word.  A man that was open to discussing the word aloud with me. A man that was open to being transparent so we could faith share together. A man that was willing to share his knowledge and wisdom with me.
We as women of God must never settle to have a piece of a man because God desires for us to have a whole man. Not just physically but also spiritually. Women of God, please wait for the man with an unwavering faith in Christ, an incorruptible reputation and a strong biblical foundation. Godly men do still exist!

Categories
Communication Marriage Physical Intimacy Spiritual Intimacy

3 Ways to Recharge Your Marriage

Cute black couple talking and holding hands

Couples can be so busy with the demands of life that they forget to create moments of intimacy as a means of recharging and refreshing their relationship. In fact, many marriages suffer because couples do not reset their perspectives and connect with one another on a regular basis (Proverbs 29:18). Spending quality time with your spouse keeps the fire of intimacy burning continually in your marriage. It also helps couples to re-center their marriage and refresh their hearts for one another.
When God’s love is the motivation for quality time in marriages, it creates amazing intimacy and growth. Don’t let “the unimportant” outweigh the importance of building a great marriage. I have learned that making a priority of spending time together creates meaningful and memorable moments that strengthen your bond and adds depth to your marriage for the years to come. Here are three ways to make quality time a top priority in your marriage:

  1. Take the time to dream together. Amos 3:3 says how can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction? Spending quality time is the perfect time to talk, dream, pray, and seek God about His vision and direction for your marriage. Spend time worshipping and thanking God for all that He has done in your marriage. Taking a relaxing walk in a park, on the beach, or in your neighborhood as you dream with one another creates connection and communication without boundaries as you grow closer to Jesus and each other.
  1. Have romantic date nights and spontaneous getaways. This means turning off cell phones and laptops to devote your undivided attention and enjoy one another. Date nights and spontaneous getaways don’t have to be expensive. Take a weekend drive to try a new restaurant, go to a movie and have coffee afterwards, or make a romantic dinner together and cuddle. Whatever you do, be adventurous, laugh a lot, and most importantly, have fun (Proverbs 17:22)!
  1. Write love notes. Surprise your spouse with love notes in secret places like in a book they are reading, in their lunch for work, or on their steering wheel to find during their drive to work. An unexpected love note in the morning can create awesome evenings of intimacy and quality time to keep the passion in your marriage (Col 3:14).

Wherever you are in your marriage, it is never too late to make the commitment to spending quality time with your spouse. Find ways to keep the fire of intimacy burning in your relationship. What other ways can you and your spouse be intentional in your marriage and spend quality time with each other?
 
 
 
 
 

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Dating/Courting Engaged Marriage Single

5 Tips to be a 'Catcher' not a 'Chaser'

Dark-skinned man standing next to his offended wife with Afro haircut and crossed arms, man looking guilty, pointing finger at him, asking what he did wrong, trying to understand what happened to her

Ready for a bold statement?
We are a society that likes the chase more than the catch.
Please know this is a general statement, and that it doesn’t apply to everyone. But in my experiences, we seem to be a group of people that quite often is looking for ‘the next best thing’ and once we have that…we want something better. The benefit of this is that it can translate to having high standards and valuing excellence. The downfall is that it greatly challenges our contentment, and when applied to relationships can make commitment very difficult.
If you have found yourself in a cycle of being drawn to the ‘chase’ but not being able to settle, here are some tips to being a person that values the catch more than the process of getting there.
1. Identify 5-7 qualities in a future spouse that are non-negotiable.
Hopefully you’ll end up with your dream man/woman but they might not be that person the first day you meet them. Decide on a handful of qualities that are a deal breaker for a potential spouse, and allow those to determine who you do/don’t date. With the other qualities you’d like, tuck them away and don’t allow them to dictate whether or not a person is perfect for you. The Lord knows our desires and is more than capable of fulfilling them! Ideally we are constantly evolving into better versions of ourselves, so what you might be wanting may come with time if it’s not in place right away.
2. Understand that any relationship will take work, no matter who it’s with.
It seems that most people look for the next best thing when a relationship starts to become hard or the commitment is tested in some way. The reality is…the next relationship will reach that point too. And the next, and the next, and so on. You’re going to have to be okay with not feeling head-over-heels in love at all times with the person you’re with if you want a relationship that will last forever. However, the reward is great! Withstanding the difficult moments will lead to a stronger bond, deeper intimacy, and ultimately, a greater love for the person you’re with.
3.  Continually look for the good in the person you’re considering as a spouse instead of focusing on shortcomings.
If you don’t want to be a chaser your whole life, you’re going to have to be intentional about seeing the good in the person you’re with. Once you start caring more about their shortcomings than their unique strengths, you’ll easily be drawn to other prospects that don’t have the same weaknesses. (However – they’ll have a different set of weaknesses!)
4. Be present.
When you’re with the person you’re considering as a spouse, where is your mind? Are you thinking about the people/things around you? Are you on your phone? This person shouldn’t have to compete for your attention when you’re with them. It creates tension, and also can make you miss out on moments with him/her that build a foundation for a healthy relationship.
5. Be prayerful.
You don’t know your future, but you can talk to the One that does! If you’re given the green light on dating someone, then there may be an amazing opportunity ahead of you that requires action.
In an age where we have access to much yet little is required of us, being a “chaser” is an easy way to do life… but makes it difficult to truly find what you’re chasing after!