Month: August 2017

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

I Called My Wedding Off: 4 Questions to Ask Yourself to Determine If He's the One-Part 1

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I called my wedding off. It was two months prior to my big day. The date had been set, bridesmaids chosen, venue booked, and wedding dress ordered but… I just couldn’t do it. I’d dated this man for years. It made sense that the next step would be marriage but I had doubts. I knew something was missing but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. After a brief (11 months), courtship with my now husband, I couldn’t help but consider what was so different this time around. How is it that I could date one man for years, have doubts? Date another man for 11 months and have zero doubts?
Perhaps you’re like me. You’ve been dating a man for years but deep down in your soul you know, this can’t be it. You know he’s not the one but you’re comfortable. Change is scary. You have so much history. “Why rock the boat?” You’re slowly warming up to the idea of settling. You begin to reason with yourself. “It’ll get better after marriage.”
I knew what “wrong” felt like. It was marked by uneasiness. In my gut, I knew something was missing. At the time, I didn’t know what “right” felt like. After meeting my amazing husband, the pieces of the puzzles became extremely clear. I can confidently say, you know when it’s wrong, and you know when it’s right. If you haven’t reached a place of certainty, perhaps you need to pump the brakes. You may discover, just as I did, God’s perfect mate for you.
So, is he the one? I can’t answer that. Only you and God can. However, what I can offer, are thought provoking questions to consider. After answering these questions, it may become evident, or it may not. Either way, go to the Father. Just like any loving Father, He adores you. He loves it when you run to Him for help.
 1. Does he know God or “know of “Him?
John 2:3, “And we can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments.” To know God is to obey Him. There are many temptations in life. If a man truly knows God, he’ll be more inclined to do right by you. He won’t leave you guessing. He won’t play games with your heart. You’ll never be able to watch a man 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Your presence is limited; however, God is omnipresent. He’s everywhere at the same time. Knowing your potential mate is being held accountable to God brings a level of comfort. I’m not saying this man will be perfect, because he won’t. You and I aren’t either. I’m simply saying, obedience to God doesn’t lead to sin.
 
 
 2. Does he pray with you?
James 5:16, “…The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” I was 33 years old and had been engaged twice before I ever had a man (outside of deacons or pastors) pray aloud with me. I was in relationships where I was told prayer was taking place but I never saw it. I won’t say they didn’t do it. I can only attest to what I saw.
I was on the phone with Chris, who wasn’t my husband at the time, for the very first time. Prior to hanging up the phone, he asked, “Can I pray with you?” “Wayment! What?! I was taken aback. Like alllllllll the way back! When he prayed, although my eyes were closed, I observed the ease of the words flowing from his mouth. Prayer wasn’t something he learned before he called me that night. He was comfortable. His tone was relaxed. He’d been there, at God’s feet, before. It was comforting to know he had a prayer life. That he knew the importance of prayer. That I could count on him to pray for me. That he knew how to communicate with God.
I truly hope you’ve enjoyed reading thus far. Stay tuned for Part II where the last two questions will be revealed. In the meantime, we’d love to hear from you. Do you think the first two questions are important in determining if he’s the one?
 

 
Tiffany Phillips is a southern girl, residing in Sweet Home Alabama. She’s a Christian, wife (married to the most amazing man, Chris), health and fitness enthusiast, and blogger who is eager to share what God has placed on her heart. Visit Tiffany over at her blog teawithtiffanyp.com
Why Tea With Tiffany P? Because she’s spilling all the tea! 

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

Holy Suicide-Are You Really Ready For Marriage?

Rear view of a vintage car with just married sign and cans attached

Marriage-it’s a beautiful thing, but often it becomes an overemphasized reality to many particularly when it comes to exploring the purpose in which it is intended. We hear mini-series, webinars, and bullet-point presentations on the best ways to attract, prepare, and even pray concerning our future spouses; however, once the preparation has ended, I beg to ask the question, are you really ready to die?
 
Die? Woah! Things just took an extreme turn, but stay with me.
Yes, marriage is the sacred joining together of two individuals in which love, commitment, faithfulness, loyalty, submission, and fidelity are interwoven around the Lordship of Christ. All of these things fuel the union that is both symbolic of Christ’s relationship with the church and His unrelenting devotion to keep this relationship upheld. But how relentless was Christ in showing his love? How do we know what love is?
 
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. – 1 John 3:16
 
Jesus laid down his life on our behalf. He offered Himself up through the act of “laying down,” i.e. dying on our behalf. One death and one resurrection laid the foundation for us to live a life of constant adoration and reverence to the Father.  This death showed us what love is. This death showed us the intense passion and pursuit that drove the Father in His pursuit of having lifetime union with us. This death, the decision to give our livelihood for another, is the template by which marriage is built.
 
When you stand at the altar and repeat “I Do,” you are not just simply agreeing to the terms of eternal bliss, constant devotion, and unconditional regard as a means to the end. The means to the end is dying enough to yourself, so that your partner gets to live. Christ didn’t just die to stay dead, but He ended up living as a result of the decision and gave us the opportunity to live, too. So, it is the same for marriage.
 
When you decide to die to your selfish ways, your partner gets to live in kindness. When your spouse decides to die to pessimism, you reap the benefits of confidence and hopefulness. When you decide to die to your prideful ambitions, your partner gets to abide in humble outcomes. When your partner decides to die to unforgiveness and harboring resentment, you get the thrill of being tossed in the throes of mercy and immunity from your own short-comings and character insufficiencies.
 
All in all, when you both make the decision to die to the parts of you that don’t resemble the nature of Christ,  you get to encounter the process of transformation that ultimately draws you both closer to that very nature itself. Dying to self to look like Christ. Dying to self for your spouse to be like Christ. Dying to selves to glorify Christ. All of these are the genesis of what marriage was constructed to be.  
 
You see, the beauty of marriage is the intention behind it—the sanctification that draws us to look more like Christ. It’s so much bigger than being with someone that looks good, brings you joy, loves you completely, and draws you closer to Christ. While these things are evident, they are not the conclusion of the matter.  Marriage in and of itself is being joined with the one used in the hands of Christ to cause the parts of you that don’t resemble him—to die. What makes it beautiful is that you get to do the same with your spouse and the love of Christ that makes this all possible is put on display to ultimately bring glory to Him.
 
I know that you thought marriage was going to be a conglomerate of happiness, bliss, joy, hard times, disagreements, and endurance. But let’s add the part that few like to discuss—the never-ending process of sanctification. Again, the joy of marriage is found in the intention for which it was built.  So, whether you’re married and things seem too difficult or you’re single and the thought of marriage has become too sought after, ask yourself, “Is (or am I ready for) this holy suicide making me look like Him?”  If the answer is yes—you’re not only equipped, but you’re well ready.
 
Take Heed and Live Free,
Chelle
 

Richelle is a Christian, Speaker, Author, Counselor and lives in Orlando, Florida. She has a heart for all things Jesus and loving on people! She believes that where there is brokenness, there is beauty and where there is heartbreak, there is hope! She is passionate in pursuing individuals who feel distraught, lost, and hopeless and desire that they, along with others who have not experienced the fullness of the Father’s love, will find themselves completely restored in it! 

She is the Founder and Executive Editor of Show Those Scars, an organization that promotes transparency and honesty to bring healing and wholeness in Christ.  Her passions include counseling, writing, hanging out with friends & family, and cooking! More of her works can be found on her website,  www.showthosescars.com  

Categories
Home Single

Wait, a Relationship? Oh No, I’m Not Ready

Young black woman in trendy blue headscarf and glasses with long braided hair

There are so many articles, blogs, and advice for all those willing and ready to get into a relationship. But what about those who just aren’t ready for a relationship? Well, this blog post is just for YOU!
I’m going to challenge you a little bit and ask why you aren’t ready to be in a relationship. Take some time and think about the questions below…

  • Is it simply that I don’t desire a relationship and I want to be a eunuch?
  • Is it simply that I believe I will never get married because there’s no one out there for me?
  • Is it simply that I hope I’m never given the opportunity to be in a relationship?

More than likely, you answered no to those questions. If you answered yes, you can still read the rest of this blog post…
I’ve noticed that when people say they’re not ready for a relationship, they usually desire a relationship but other factors cause them to “not be ready.” Now, sometimes it’s just not your season to date, and if you feel you’re not ready, it’s probably not your season. However, as you walk through this season, I want to open your eyes to a few factors that could be hindering your progress towards a season of being ready to date.

  1. Fear – This is one of the biggest reasons why people stay away from relationships. However, the only way to conquer fear is by intentionally doing the thing of which you are most afraid. Of course, make sure you are in a healthy place before being open to a relationship but also don’t allow fear to box you in.
  2. Insecurities – No one wants these but we all have them. Take some time while you are single to build your confidence and your self-esteem. This will help you choose a significant other soberly and attract the right person.
  3. Unhealed Broken Heart – Definitely one of the most painful life occurrences to walk through. However, you must allow your past to remain in your past. If you had a break up that ended badly and that is still controlling your present… you need more healing! Never allow your past to stir your future; close the door and keep moving!
  4. Father Wounds – The greatest investment a father can make for his children is being just that – a father (a real one). If you suffer from father wounds, definitely take time to walk through deliverance, but also learn to know God as Father. Center your devotion around this subject and allow God to work on your heart. This is one wound that can cause a lot of damage to relationships, so be intentional about healing it.
  5. Trust Issues – These are real and will keep you guarded and distant from people. However, I’m here to tell you that you’re not perfect… and neither is the person with whom you decide to enter a relationship. Red flags are real and you should heed them but you can’t build lasting relationships without trust. Look at yourself and recognize your own flaws; this will help you grant more mercy and grace to the one with whom you eventually enter into relationship.

Out of the five of these, which is your current struggle? Don’t be afraid to share; we all have our issues!
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

9 Ways to Know He Is the One

Head And Shoulders Portrait Of Couple On Holiday

Think you may have found a catch, or not sure what to look for you validate what you may feel like is “the one?” Here are some guidelines and qualities to keep an eye out for:
 1. He is committed to Christ. His relationship with God comes first and you can see that in his actions. I put this quality first as it should be evident in everything listed below. His priorities, how he serves, the fruit of his actions are clear that they come from spending time in the secret place with God.
 
2. He is committed to loving you. We all have our faults, and relationships are a good place to see them out. If you take two imperfect individuals and merge their lives together, I can guarantee your shortcomings will manifest. The key is handling them both for yourself and how he responds to you in these times. Does he have a willingness to work through your faults with you? Is he willing to apologize when he is wrong? Does he encourage/support you? Does he have a willingness to learn/adapt to make your relationship work together? Learning to love one another is a process, but it can be done with a healthy dose of effort, grace, patience, and understanding.
 
3. He respects you. He doesn’t treat you as inferior and honors you for the woman that you are. He admires you, treats you with value and takes what you have to say seriously. He doesn’t try to control you.
 
4. He knows how to “adult.” He can hold down a job, he is independent, he can clean up after himself, and he stewards his finances well. It’s important to have a man who can handle responsibility and is someone you can depend on. You’re not looking to adopt an adult child, you are looking for a life partner, a teammate to go through life TOGETHER.
 
5. He talks about the future (and includes you in it). If there is one thing I know about a man, when they want something, they go after it. Having a healthy dose of ambition, having goals, and being future-minded will keep you from running in circles and wondering where you stand in his life. Ambition and goals allow you to see their desire for growth and success.
6. He is kind. You can tell a lot about a person by how they talk about and treat people around them. How does he treat his mom? His parents? How about his friends? Pay attention to other relationships or other interactions (even with strangers) that will give you more insight into their true character (when they aren’t focused on trying to impress you).
7. He is honest and integral. This goes hand in hand with many others: being trustworthy, loyal, and having an appropriate level of transparency with you. Marriage isn’t the time to find out about children from other relationships, or any other past secrets. If you are considering spending your life with someone, it is important there is an established open line of communication.
8. He is intentional. If he doesn’t pursue you now, a ring is not going to change his behavior. Know you are a woman of value, and don’t settle to be treated less than. You are more than just an option- to someone, you are their future. We accept the love we think we deserve.
9. He challenges you. He strives to help make you a better person – instilling confidence where you feel like you lack, instilling love when you feel rejected, reinforcing belief that you can when you feel you can’t. He tries to help you succeed and become all God has in store for you.
 
Is it realistic to expect or find a man with all 9 qualities? Maybe, maybe not. He may be really strong in some, and growing in other areas. Be wise, seek counsel. Use these qualities as a guideline and don’t be afraid to ask mentors or close friends to weigh in their opinions on a relationship as well.

Categories
Home Single

Stop Waiting For Your Life to Start After You're Married

Singles, it’s time to focus on that project/business you always dreamed about ! Take it from successful entrepreneur Alexa Reynolds who specializes in photography, branding and web design. Reynolds birthed her company Virtuous Beauty after being in a couple of relationships that didn’t work out. Reynolds learned to make God her portion and encourage millennials with positive words, images and videos ! Read below to see how you can get started on your dream now ! 

 

Habiba Abudu (HA) : You share that you had opportunities of being married, what happened ?

 

Alexa Reynolds (AR) : Yes, I was almost engaged twice. Both times, the relationships ended  up falling apart due to lack of consistency and authenticity.

 

HA : How were you able to heal from those relationships not working out?

 

AR : It wasn’t easy. The first time was easier than the second, but both times hurt. To come so close to marriage twice, feeling like you’ve finally figured it out, then God reveals things, and it’s all over. The healing came through transparency with myself and God. I couldn’t sweep things under the rug and act like it didn’t happen. There were times when I sat on my bed and questioned God. I even became a little angry because I didn’t understand it all. God knew what he was doing though. Writing has always been an outlet for me too. Sharing on my blog what I was going through provided me with a sense of satisfaction. I also have a great group of sisters/friends and family who support me.

 

HA : Can you discuss how you were able to build your brand, Virtuous Beauty, during your season of singleness?

 

AR : Singleness is the perfect time to focus on the things that you’re passionate about. A lot of people think that you need to wait for marriage to walk in “purpose”… absolutely not! If I was married or in a relationship, I wouldn’t have half the time that I have now to work on my brand. I shifted my focus from relationships to pouring into Virtuous Beauty. There’s nothing like being able to come home to a quiet apartment and being able to brainstorm in peace. 

 

HA : Can you discuss some other ventures, you were able to pursue as a single ?

 

AR : Traveling with my girls is one of my favorite things to do. I love taking daily trips in my area. I also have been taking time to learn about MYSELF. It sounds funny but I learn something new about myself everyday.

 

HA : What has helped you develop confidence and joy in your season of singleness ?

 

AR : Fully knowing that I am in the hands of God. Before this realization, I struggled with comparing myself to others. As long as I am following God’s voice I know I am not missing out on anything that is supposed to be mine.

 

HA : What are some different ways that singles can build their relationship with God ?

 

AR : Spend time in His Word and with Him. You have all of the time in the world right now. I have many married friends who wished that they utilized the time that they had as a single. It can be as easy as sitting on the floor, playing music, and listening to podcasts. Also community… surround yourself with others who can pour into you.

 

HA : What advice would you give to those who want to enjoy their life, but can’t move past the fact that they’re single ?

 

AR : JUST DO IT – Marriage is not the answer to everything. When we begin to realize that the things we see on social media aren’t always what they appear to be, we will live much happier lives.

 

What business idea/project has God laid on your heart, comment below ! Don’t forget to share this article. 

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