Month: June 2016

Categories
Marriage Parenting

3 Signs of a Godly Family Culture

When I was ten years old, my parents dropped me off to stay with another family for the weekend. The mother told my mom about all of the amazing activities we would do and all the great experiences they had in store for me over the weekend. I couldn’t help but get excited, myself! Dirt bikes, video games, movies on their big screen TV, flying model airplanes—it was a kid’s dreamworld!
When I entered the threshold of this uncharted territory, hearing the dull roar of my mom’s old Mazda driving away, I hesitantly followed the mother into the living room to see the family. The son was a friend from school, about my age. They had a teenage daughter who was years older than me, and the mother’s drop in, drop out boyfriend.
Hours into being immersed in this strange, new, setting, I was in tears, sneaking away into the kitchen pantry to call my mom from the family’s portable home phone to get me out of there! What was different about this family? Umm, everything. From the teenage girl’s angry, grungy music vibrating the walls, to my friend’s threatening, rebellious screaming matches with his mother, to the harsh, controlling, thunderous reprimands of the mother’s boyfriend, I was experiencing something entirely different from what I was accustomed to: another family culture.
Growing up, we weren’t a perfect family, but we cultivated a sweet culture of laughter, joy, encouragement, and intentional memories. I implore you: please work carefully to establish a Godly family culture!
Vision
What are your goals as a family? As a couple, you are the cultivators of a garden, the commanders of an army, the navigators of a fleet. A family establishes a rich culture by what they value. What you value, you reproduce.
 Where are you going as a family? Are you a “straight A’s or bust” family? Are you the “fitness family,” the “fashion family,” or the “fiendish family”? All humor aside, ask God to give you vision to establish the culture of your family.
Intentionality
A family culture is by default. You are already establishing the culture of your family, whether you know it or not. We laugh at the misadventures of Forrest Gump, who cluelessly meanders through life, rubbing elbows with JFK, John Lennon, and more, even building a multi-million dollar empire in the shrimping business! But it is important to be intentional as you establish the culture of your family.
My wife is always talking to me about doing fun things with the kids to make memories. I love this about her. She is thinking generationally. Be pro-active in your play times with your kids; always be thinking about how every interaction is a catalyst for the men and women they will become.
Family devotional times are how we establish Christ’s lordship in our family. Some of the best memories I will always cherish are sitting in a circle on the floor, worshipping God as a family, and answering our kids’ heartfelt questions about the nature and character of God.
Atmosphere
My intro mentioned my experience with a chaotic family culture. My wife and I yearn to be a joyful family. When things break, when money is tight, when stress abounds, our hearts cry out to God to model joy for our kids.
We want our children, and everyone who encounters our family, to see us a safe place.
If the culture of your family is chaotic and toxic, it’s not too late to invite the Holy Spirit to intervene with His peace and comfort.
How do you see your family culture? Is there faith or fear, peace or disarray?
 

Categories
Communication Marriage

The One Word that Will Keep Pride Out of Your Marriage

couple sitting in the sand and talking on beach
A few weeks ago the Holy Spirit whispered to me “ I want you to be more vulnerable”.
When I heard the word “vulnerable” I immediately thought that I was the poster child when it comes to being vulnerable, especially when it comes to my marriage. I am naturally a “feeler” and enjoy having heart to heart conversations with friends and family. As I began to allow the word from the Lord to rest upon my heart I began to see areas within my marriage in which I have neglected to allow my husband access to, which comes from being misunderstood or rejected.
To be vulnerable is to be : “open to attack or damage, being susceptible to be emotionally wounded, exposure”. What a powerful definition! When I read it for the first time, I was immediately humbled and began to measure the definition to my current life and relationship with my husband.
When you get married you become one with your spouse. Everything that you have is his and everything he has is yours. When you say “I do” I believe that in that moment the Lord knits both of your hearts together along with His to create a powerful team that is unstoppable when they allow themselves to be vulnerable with one another. You may ask how can I be vulnerable with my spouse?
 
Share your deepest dreams and desires with your spouse, allow him into your world.. the good, bad and the ugly. Yes, you see your husband or wife everyday and have conversations about life on a regular basis, but the tone of the conversations are usually surface and ritualistic. I still hear the Holy Spirit whisper to me “share more, he needs to hear your heart”  as I share with my husband an emotional or hard truth that may be taking place in my life. When I obey, I see how our conversation turns from surface to purpose and I begin to see his heart open up and receive me in a whole new way.
Don’t be afraid to be the real you. When you are who God created you to be and you choose to involve him in every area of your life and marriage. You will not be afraid, because you know that whatever you share, that God is involved and that when you and your husband choose to allow Him to be the foundation of all that you say and do, being vulnerable will be a regular and enjoyable practice. Watch how your marriage becomes more enriched as you choose to allow your spouse to visit the most deepest parts of your heart, dreams and desires.

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

5 Types of Women Men Should Pay Close Attention To…..

business black man looking far

Men, here are 5 types of women you should pay close attention to when entertaining potential relationships:

  1. Ms. Please Come & Save Me: She is unstable in all her ways and has difficulty finishing tasks.She can’t finish school, can’t keep a job and can’t keep good friends. She lacks identity and is completely unaware of her purpose in life. She is looking for a superhero to come and save her from her misery. She is a complete liability to you.
  1. Ms. Can You Pay My Bills: She is not interested in building with you and her main concern is whether or not you can pay her bills. She could care less about you being committed to her. In fact, she would rather deal with men who are married or taken to ensure her streams of income from various men remain in tact. She is willing to give you her body, a little bit of her time but nothing more. Her only goal is to hit the jackpot by finding a man who will take care of her financially. She is a financial liability.
  2. Ms. Can You Fill The Void of My Daddy: She is deeply wounded and rejected. She looks for love and affirmation from whoever will give her attention. She seeks men to fill the void of her absentee father and won’t relent until she does so. She will latch on to a man quickly and hold on to him, no matter how badly he treats her. She is willing to accept the liar, the cheater, the user and abuser all for the sake of filling her void. She seeks love but is unable to reciprocate it because of her dysfunctional concept and lack of understanding of true love. She is a emotional liability.
  3. Ms. Independent: Ms. Independent has her own house, car, good job, degrees and she really doesn’t need you. As a matter of a fact she only wants you to add to her list of achievements and she see you as an accomplishment she needs to obtain for people to see. She’s selfish, controlling and wants things her way. She is close friends with Ms. Jezebel and will use your weakness against you. After all, she believes you are the one who needs her. She will find you and attempt to mold you into HER perfect image. She has a deep dark secret that she is hiding. On the outside she seems like the perfect catch, however on the inside she is a broken little girl who seeks materialistic things and accomplishments to validate who she is. She is also rejected, bitter and doesn’t like herself very much. She lives to prove herself to those who overlooked and rejected her in the past. She does not have the ability to follow you. She is a spiritual and mental liability to you.
  4. Ms. Good Thing: She is not in need of saving. She has come into her own and knows her true identity outside of you. However, she understands her purpose with you. She has learned discipline and submission. Although she is a great leader, she knows how to follow you. She is an asset to you instead of a liability. She compliments your life well and is your greatest cheerleader. She is not lazy and she knows how to multiply your money. She knows how to function without you but she values your addition to her life. She does not talk down to you like a child and she respects you as her head. She trusts you and she does not use your mistakes or flaws against you. …instead, she helps you to improve them. She is always willing to fight by your side and for you. She has found resolve with her past and has learned to be a forgiver and a life carrier. Her words are used to speak life into you and at your worst, she is still able to see the best in you. She is not perfect but she strives to become better every day. She is not a liability…she is your helpmeet.

Men, you don’t have to settle for girls in women’s bodies who are incapable of filling the role of your helper. You don’t have to buy her love and affections. God desires to send you a Proverbs 31 woman who can add to your life and follow you as her head. My prayer for you is that you not be blinded by her curves, but will be able to see the true condition of her heart, mind, soul and spirit. Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (NIV). This proverb can’t manifest in your life if you continue to choose women who make great arm trophies, but lack the essential qualities of a wife. Trust God and he will not only send you the woman you desire, but also the wife you need! Be encouraged men of God!