When Trust is Broken: The Road To Restoration

There is a part deep down in every person that wants to believe that they would never lie to or hide anything from their spouse, and that their spouse would return the favor. Whether it’s a tiny little fib or a whale of a tale, unfortunately there comes a time in every marriage where honesty and complete transparency takes a backseat to our fear of some thing or other.
Uh oh…it just got real in here. I am sorry to report that this isn’t one of those feel good topics, it’s going to make you to take a look at the harsh reality of the human condition. The fact is, trust gets broken. Like one of those ships in a bottle, it can be shattered by the slightest shake and takes countless hours and effort to rebuild.
Whatever side of the situation you may be on, giving up and walking away always seems like the first and best solution. It is natural to want to protect ourselves if we’ve been lied to and to shy away from responsibility if we were the offender. In a godly marriage, this just isn’t an option. It means its time to go to God, and time to go to work.
It’s About What You Believe: When someone lies or commits a trespass, we often forget that the action itself is not the issue, it is a belief that causes the action that needs to be addressed. For example, if a spouse struggles with a porn addiction, then restricting access to computers is only a band-aid and they will find a way back to their old habits.
A successful approach would be to find the root of why they feel the need to have this behavior in their life and attack the source. By separating who they are from what they do, you can honor the person and destroy the lie.
It’s About Working Together: When there is a break in a marriage’s trust, it takes a team effort to bring it back together. It’s not about having the offender go off and fix him or herself until they are ready to behave.
Of course some situations call for time apart but both people should be actively strategizing a game plan and not wallowing in their self-pity. It’s about repentance and forgiveness joining forces and keeping lines of communication open so that there is no room for the enemies lies to creep in.
It’s About Where You Are Going:  Getting hurt by a loved one can make you take a look in the rear view mirror at all the prior offenses so that you can justify your hurt and anger. It is ok to take stock of the situation and notice repeat behavior, but don’t linger there.
Forgiveness is what we are called to do and part of letting go of the past is looking to your marriage’s future and finding something to grab onto. What piece of your spouse’s God-given identity and destiny can you pick up and show to them?