Month: May 2014

Categories
Dating/Courting Home

25 Ways Other than Dating to Prepare For Marriage

After about 6 months of being married, I realized something that I pray every unmarried person will take very serious.  Every second I spent before I said I do, was preparation for marriage.  All the things I accomplished and all the things I failed to do contributed to my present day marriage.  Before I married, I was a huge proponent for preparing for marriage. But now that I am married, I cannot stress how important it is to prepare for the covenant that changes everything.
When I teach on this, the first response is, “Well, I don’t have anyone to date to prepare for marriage.” Dating is not the only way to prepare for marriage and also can be very dangerous if not done God’s way.

Here are a 25 ways to prepare for marriage other than dating.

  1.  Healthy friendships with the opposite sex.
  2. Get a roommate.  (same sex)
  3. Spend time with a married couple that inspires you to be married.
  4. Learn how to cook. (Poor eating habits are very unattractive and destructive to yourself.)
  5. Establish the foundation of God’s purpose for your life.
  6. Read books on marriage.
  7. Attend conferences on preparing for marriage and relationships.
  8. Identify your strengths and weaknesses in relationships.
  9. Establish a consistent prayer & devotional life.
  10. Get financial intelligence.
  11. Go to college.
  12. Examine the good and bad of your parent’s marriage.
  13. Serve at your local church.
  14. Learn how to deal with conflict with your friends.
  15. Go on a mission trip to another country with a team.
  16. Take faith risks for God to break fear and learn obedience.
  17. Examine all your failed friendships and see why things went sour.
  18. Keep your home/room/closet/car clean. (No one wants a dirty spouse)
  19. Get a hobby.
  20. Become a glass house for your close friends. (Transparency as a normal part of your life.)
  21. Ask your “real” friends what are areas of your character need development every 3-6 months.
  22. Learn when to say yes, and when to say NO. (self control)
  23. Work hard. (if you don’t want to marry a lazy person, then don’t be lazy yourself)
  24. Develop a healthy lifestyle.
  25. Get a biblical understanding of the role of a husband and wife in a Godly marriage.

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage

3 Things I've Learned Since Being Married

I have been married for almost 5 months now. In this short time frame, I have learned a lot about my husband, my marriage, and myself. I want to share the top three things I’ve learned and am still learning everyday since being married with hopes of it helping you in your marriage or future marriage as well.
1. Communication. Communication. Communication.
This is very cliché but a very important aspect of marriage that we can’t ignore. We MUST communicate. First, I’ve learned to communicate about everything, even the things I may find trivial. From how our day was to our deepest fears and desires, we should communicate it with our spouse.
Secondly, I have learned we definitely have to communicate about our emotions and feelings. We can’t expect our spouse to know how we feel unless we express it to him/her. I mean your husband isn’t a mind reader. When something is wrong, say so.
Don’t make him guess and assume. The issue will never be resolved if it isn’t brought to the table. Most importantly, I have learned we must communicate respectfully and with love especially during times of conflict and disagreement
2. Comparison Kills.
It is so easy to compare our marriage with another couple’s marriage, especially due to social media. We see snippets of the good in another marriage, and we begin to think that they have the perfect marriage and perfect life together.
We think that they have a great marriage, and it very well might be, but we only see the good. Most people won’t air their dirty laundry on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. We don’t know the struggles that they are facing behind closed doors.
We just see that her husband surprised her with a dozen roses or a weekend getaway, and then we begin to wish our husband was more like him. I’ve learned comparing your marriage to someone else’s will rob you from experiencing the beauty in your own.
3. Choose your battles. Forgive Often & Quickly.
I’ve learned everything doesn’t need to end in an argument. You shouldn’t be mad everyday because you haven’t gotten over something he did a week ago. God gives us grace and mercy daily. We should extend that same grace and mercy to our spouse, whether we feel he deserves it or not. Holding on to that grudge will hurt you more than it will hurt your spouse.
Not forgiving your spouse leads to resentment, anger, and bitterness. Love is a choice. Forgiveness is a choice. Choose love. Choose to forgive. Let go. Give it to God. He can fix the situation better than we can. And remember praying will bring about the change you want to see faster than nagging ever can.
 

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home

Isolation: The Devil's Trap for Men

As we look at this generation, it is simply AMAZING to see all the connectivity that is happening every single day! You can literally be connected to people all across the world each and every day, thanks to the great invention of social media.
Before I move forward, please understand I am NOT bashing social media. I thoroughly enjoy the benefits of social media more than most because it allows me to share my story with the world. It lets the world see what God is doing in my life every day.
However, some time back, I had to embrace a harsh reality in my own life. Please allow me to be completely transparent, as I believe this will bring hope and healing to many men reading this article. The reality for me was this simple, but disturbing fact: I did not know how to genuinely “be” in real relationships with people.
I mean, think about it. Some would see me and see (through social media) that I am somewhat well known in certain parts of the country. With that being said, I realized that a lot of people knew of me or knew about me but nobody really KNEW me.
This may sound somewhat generic to you, seeing as how most of our social media followers do not really KNOW us either. For me however, it was a little deeper than that. The people that are supposed to be closest to me knew me to an extent, but I couldn’t honestly say that they really KNEW me. The type of relationship I am referring to is the Jonathan and David relationship. This particular relationship is the type that exposes itself to each other.
The Bible explains that when these two made a covenant/commitment to each other, Jonathan began to take off all of his clothes and give them to David because he “loved him like he loved himself.” Jonathan exposed himself to David as he became vulnerable after the covenant. As a  man, do you have anyone that you are in covenant with and can expose yourself to?
Singleness is a time of preparation for when God does actually bring a helpmate into your life. So right now, during your singleness, do you allow anybody to really KNOW you? Are you waiting on God to bring that woman into your life so that she can be the one to KNOW you? Being vulnerable and exposed is a discipline and a practice.
If you do not have that in your life now, what makes you think you will have it when you are in a committed relationship? In fact, I would caution any woman getting in a relationship with a man to examine his relationships with leadership and with other men. Does anybody really KNOW him? Men, women should not be the only ones that really KNOW us.
My encouragement for men in this article is that you would come out of that cave and allow other people in your life to KNOW you. Not the social media you, but the real you with flaws and mistakes. Endure this process now before you enter a relationship with a woman.
Does anybody have the right or position to speak into your life, discipline you, or correct you? My prayer is that when your season comes, and God sends a woman to be in covenant with you, that you will be able to be intimate and vulnerable with them because you have already experienced real intimacy with leaders and brothers before that moment. Expose yourself today and allow somebody to really KNOW you.