Well, this article is probably going to be among the most controversial youʼve probably read on the subject of marriage and dating. There have been so many perspectives published about Christians and the process of dating and marriage. The point of view highlighted in this article is a sound theological foundation for why God should be extremely involved in the process all together and should involve more than “ I want Him or HER”
Over the years, several camps have established views about what should be an appropriate selection process for the Christian pursuing a relationship with the opposite sex. Some of it was scriptural, much of it was social and other parts of it was carnal. To balance it, some diluted the subject manner all together and took on the idea, that God or His opinion should be subject to the desire of the one pursuing the dating relationship. To the desperate or the half hearted, this article is going to annoy you, hopefully, into another level of submission to God. So, lets start to bring some clarity and resolve some dating controversies.
The major discussion over the years has been over wether or not there is only 1 person on the earth for each person. The terms we use to describe our feelings towards suitable candidates are “ I think he is the ONE” or This could be “IT”. This finality and sense of absoluteness is often the source of much trouble and irrational thinking about the subject all together,
The truth is, God is eternal and all knowing and DOES know who you will marry. The problem is, whether or not that person is HIS best for you. The common notion is, “If I choose him/her, then it has to be God because of my desire” and that is not true.
The other perspective of the discussion is What it really means to be unequally yoked. Is this referring to Salvation alone? Level of spirituality? Denomination or Experience?
These are some of the parameters that the pendulum swings. Here are some perspectives to consider while navigating through the confusion .
1. Dating and Marriage prospects is to the Christian, both a DECISION and a DISCOVERY.
If we use Godʼs original template for marriage (Adam and Eve) we see that God designed a mate suitable for adam. That is STILL the case. What complicates our discovery of the designed one, is that Adam and Eve were at that Juncture, the only two people alive, so the discovery of EVE was a a lot easier. Our world, however, is filled with billions of people making the discovery of the designed one more complex. However, to believe that God deviated, altered or changed His mind on the mate design is heretical.
Over the years, several camps have established views about what should be an appropriate selection process for the Christian pursuing a relationship with the opposite sex. Some of it was scriptural, much of it was social and other parts of it was carnal. To balance it, some diluted the subject manner all together and took on the idea, that God or His opinion should be subject to the desire of the one pursuing the dating relationship. To the desperate or the half hearted, this article is going to annoy you, hopefully, into another level of submission to God. So, lets start to bring some clarity and resolve some dating controversies.
The major discussion over the years has been over wether or not there is only 1 person on the earth for each person. The terms we use to describe our feelings towards suitable candidates are “ I think he is the ONE” or This could be “IT”. This finality and sense of absoluteness is often the source of much trouble and irrational thinking about the subject all together,
The truth is, God is eternal and all knowing and DOES know who you will marry. The problem is, whether or not that person is HIS best for you. The common notion is, “If I choose him/her, then it has to be God because of my desire” and that is not true.
The other perspective of the discussion is What it really means to be unequally yoked. Is this referring to Salvation alone? Level of spirituality? Denomination or Experience?
These are some of the parameters that the pendulum swings. Here are some perspectives to consider while navigating through the confusion .
1. Dating and Marriage prospects is to the Christian, both a DECISION and a DISCOVERY.
If we use Godʼs original template for marriage (Adam and Eve) we see that God designed a mate suitable for adam. That is STILL the case. What complicates our discovery of the designed one, is that Adam and Eve were at that Juncture, the only two people alive, so the discovery of EVE was a a lot easier. Our world, however, is filled with billions of people making the discovery of the designed one more complex. However, to believe that God deviated, altered or changed His mind on the mate design is heretical.
Genesis 2:18 “And the Lord God said..“I WILL MAKE HIM A HELPER…”
2. Because dating and marriage is a decision, itʼs factors can be dangerous if governed by the heart.
It is not profitable or honoring to God for a spirit filled believer to make a dating decision because of feelings that have developed. Some christians really believe God has to respect our selection in a mate and that is NOT biblical. What God honors is the institution of marriage between a man and a woman as a decision towards covenant. However before that point, there are parameters that the Bible gives believers to to follow. God never intending the dating or marriage process to be led by, influenced by or inflamed by “FEELINGS”. The heart feels a lot of things that don’t honor God. I have witnessed christians make horrible relationship decisions and often fall into cycles of sexual sin because of their ʻFEELINGSʼ for a person. The notion is, “If I have feelings for a person, then God must be involved in it”. This is so far from the truth. Often, when feelings govern the dating process, objective discernment is impossible. Why? Your heart, is NOT trustworthy!!! YES you read that right. Since the beginning of time, Mans attractions has led him into lethal situations. This is why boundaries, counsel and devotion to scriptures are needful before dating, because the heart will take every opportunity to lead a person astray through the easiest medium of romantic interest.
Jeremiah 17:9 “ The heart is DECEITFUL and desperately WICKED ABOVE ALL THINGS..”
There is nothing more deceitful, dishonest, misleading and catastrophic than the activity of the human heart. Therefore its the LAST voice you want to listen to, when pursuing a potential mate. It should be a decision heavily influenced by 1. The Word. 2. The Spirit. 3. The Intelligence. Some marriages just DONT make sense. Intelligence should be used in the process and timing of marriage planning.
2. Because dating and marriage is a decision, itʼs factors can be dangerous if governed by the heart.
It is not profitable or honoring to God for a spirit filled believer to make a dating decision because of feelings that have developed. Some christians really believe God has to respect our selection in a mate and that is NOT biblical. What God honors is the institution of marriage between a man and a woman as a decision towards covenant. However before that point, there are parameters that the Bible gives believers to to follow. God never intending the dating or marriage process to be led by, influenced by or inflamed by “FEELINGS”. The heart feels a lot of things that don’t honor God. I have witnessed christians make horrible relationship decisions and often fall into cycles of sexual sin because of their ʻFEELINGSʼ for a person. The notion is, “If I have feelings for a person, then God must be involved in it”. This is so far from the truth. Often, when feelings govern the dating process, objective discernment is impossible. Why? Your heart, is NOT trustworthy!!! YES you read that right. Since the beginning of time, Mans attractions has led him into lethal situations. This is why boundaries, counsel and devotion to scriptures are needful before dating, because the heart will take every opportunity to lead a person astray through the easiest medium of romantic interest.
Jeremiah 17:9 “ The heart is DECEITFUL and desperately WICKED ABOVE ALL THINGS..”
There is nothing more deceitful, dishonest, misleading and catastrophic than the activity of the human heart. Therefore its the LAST voice you want to listen to, when pursuing a potential mate. It should be a decision heavily influenced by 1. The Word. 2. The Spirit. 3. The Intelligence. Some marriages just DONT make sense. Intelligence should be used in the process and timing of marriage planning.