Categories
Marriage

Financial 'Holiday Blues' in your Marriage

Holiday’s like Christmas can be some of the most joyous times for a young married couple. Experiencing some of your “firsts” together and creating traditions is always fun.
Being married and young is also a time where you discover you may not necessarily always have the financial means to have the kind of Christmas you were use to when you were single.
I know for me, before I was married I always made sure my family had my “wish list” and I had theirs. The majority of my income earned during the holiday season went towards finding gifts for my family and friends. And, I also made sure I found some really nice gifts for myself. My husband was also very accustom to waking up on Christmas morning with a mound full of gifts awaiting him.
Can I just say, we have not had a “mound” of anything since we have been married. I say that with a laugh because we have quickly realized those elaborate Christmases are something in the past for us right now.
If you are married and young and facing this hard realization, don’t let the holiday blues get you down. A lot of young married couples are finishing college, starting new careers, raising children and basically discovering a whole new season of life for the first time. All of these things all of the sudden take priority over spending tons of money on one holiday.
The first year my husband and I were married we had only been moved home from college for a few months. My husband had only just recently found a job and I had been put on bed rest for the last month of my pregnancy leaving me without work. Money was more than tight, it was basically non existent.

Choices

At this point my husband and I had a choice to make. We could both be upset that we would have no money to buy gifts for our families or ourselves. We could be stressed showing up to family gatherings empty handed. And, we could mope around Christmas morning disappointed we didn’t get new pj’s.
Or, we could cling to one another. It was not easy realizing we weren’t going to have the kind of Christmas we were accustom to. And, I would be lying if I said we didn’t share a few tears together. However, we saw how truly blessed we were. If nothing else, we had each other and we decided that was enough. We also ended up spending the three days leading up to Christmas in the hospital delivering our first baby girl.
My husband and I came home on Christmas Eve to our little apartment with our new baby girl. I went upstairs to take a shower and when I came down my husband had sweetly wrapped our daughter in a blanket, placed her in a little box and placed a bow around her. It was the best gift that has ever been placed under our tree.

Be Encouraged

I tell you that story because I want to encourage married and young couples. I want to encourage you to look for what truly matters this Christmas, and it is not determined by the number in your bank account. Whether you are able to elaborately celebrate this holiday season or not, what matters most is that you have each other. If you are feeling disappointed in something share your feelings with one another and face this season together. Change can be hard sometimes. It can be in those challenging moments though where you and your spouse have the opportunity to grow closer together.
Remember, Christmas is a time to celebrate the life and birth of Jesus Christ. It is also a time to be thankful that God has birthed new life into your marriage as well. If you decide with your spouse this season to accept this truth, I guarantee you can beat the ‘Holiday Blues”.
 

Categories
Engaged Marriage

3 Reasons Why I Told My Wife the Truth

It is said that there are 5 levels to truth telling. Tell the truth to yourself. Then you tell the truth to yourself about another. At the third level, you tell the truth about yourself to another. Then you tell your truth about another to that other. And, finally you tell the truth to everyone about everything. Its ironic that a healthy marriage requires telling the truth at all of these levels, but if we can all be honest, telling the truth can be one of the most challenging things to do at times.   It is challenging because we get married with this thinking that our marriage may have issues, but it won’t be like “their” marriage.
I learned the value in telling my wife the truth early on in our marriage when struggling with insecurities and the effects of issues from the past. I despised the person I became when I hid things from her, and I would come up with every excuse to why I shouldn’t share those personal things with her. But, then God revealed to me that this was all apart of the process to make us one! These are 3 benefits to sharing the truth with your spouse.
1. The Truth Promotes a Safe Place
A safe place in your marriage is a must for establishing conducive moments for healthy communication. When your marriage is a place of safety then you and your spouse will be confident in sharing those deep things in your heart.
An open heart is the product of an established safe place. Creating a safe place requires trusting one another, and a judgment free zone. When you married your spouse, they were not perfect, and they wont ever be perfect. Accepting that is the beginning to establishing a safe place for you and your spouse to grow into the person God has destined for you to become.
2. The Truth Brings you Closer
The truth will bring you and your spouse together. There are things that happen during your day that you can just hide in your heart from your spouse. There are also those things that are happening in your marriage that you would like to open up to your spouse about.
Both scenarios are a great opportunity to draw closer to your spouse. When it came time for me to share some deep things in my heart to my wife, I was very nervous. I prayed about it, and asked God to help me communicate it. Once I finally got the courage to share those things with her, it brought us closer. This is the building blocks of a great marriage.
3. The Truth Keeps the Devil Out
The bible says that the devil is the prince of darkness. Anything you’re hiding from your spouse opens the door for the devil to use it to destroy you and your marriage. Secrets within marriage are very dangerous. Anything from a co-worker flirting with you, an old relationship getting in contact with you, or maybe you did something that you feel convicted about.
All of these situations the devil would love to get in the middle of and use it to destroy your marriage. Tell the truth! Be honest about the things happening in your life because the scripture is right, the truth shall truly set you free! A marriage that has a safe place grows from the truth being shared.

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Home

7 Ways to Survive a Hard Season

“I used to be so bold. I had dreams. Now I’m just a bench warmer.” Such were my thoughts after returning from the mission field. Though we had heard God’s instruction to return home, I carried a sense of failure. I felt like I had laid everything to rest that I had fought so hard for, but I couldn’t explain why. I was feeling tired, invisible, easily offended, discouraged, and extremely cynical.
I wish it weren’t so, but there are just some things we only learn in the wilderness. The wilderness (or some call it the valley) is that special little place where it seems like God is silent, everybody hates you, and everything that can go wrong, will.
All sarcasm aside, we have all experienced it.
When these season fall upon us, every corner of our lives is affected, not excluding marriage. The Bible, in Matthew 4, Mark 1, and Luke 4, tells us how Jesus dealt with the wilderness. Though Jesus’ wilderness experience demonstrated that Jesus is the Son of God, it also created a template for us to grasp in those dry times.
If you’re married, the wilderness will affect either you, your spouse, or both of you. In fact, in my experience, I haven’t been through one of these dry seasons in which my wife wasn’t right there with me, staving off death, right alongside me.
Here are seven facts about the wilderness, your “Spiritual Wilderness Survival Guide”:
1. It’s hard. No sugar-coating, here. If you’re in the wilderness, I know it hurts. The wilderness, either by God’s design, your own, or the enemy’s is very hard. (John 16:33)
2. It’s a season. Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us of the seasons of life for every person. God may have you in your season of the wilderness for a year, maybe two, or maybe just for a few months. Every season varies. We see examples of long seasons of the wilderness (Numbers 32:13) and shorter seasons (Matthew 4, Mark 1, Luke 4). The encouraging takeaway is this: it won’t last forever.
3. God is sovereign. The Gospel accounts of the Lord’s wilderness experience depict a God-ordained wilderness. Maybe you caused your wilderness. Maybe Hell’s assignment against you is ferocious. Or maybe the Lord is developing faith that won’t blow over in the wind on the mountains.
4. Discouragement is your worst enemy in this season. If you find yourself trekking through the lonely valley, discouragement is the enemy’s weapon of choice. He loves to dismantle the notion of divine destiny. He thrives when you heed phantom, irrational fears. Know this: if you’re in the wilderness and you’re discouraged, you are a target. (I Peter 4:12, Hebrews 4:15)
5. Prayer and worship will carry you vast distances. In Acts 16:25-34 Paul and Silas sang in their prison! In my own seasons of the wilderness, worship was not desirous at all. I didn’t want to fabricate love when I didn’t feel it. But this weapon of worship is a game-changer! Worship, even when you don’t feel it, speaks the language of faith, which God pursues! Don’t hold back your song. Pray together, couples! You just may be a song away from the valley to the mountain.
6. Your spouse is not the enemy. In the wilderness moments, when the tension and chaos of life relentlessly infringe on your peace, there’s a tendency for hardness of heart to turn spouses against one another. In our wilderness season, I interpreted my wife’s exhortations as criticism and pretension! Your spouse is not your enemy, that’s a mirage. Your journey in the wilderness is your spouse’s journey in the wilderness. Encourage one another in the Lord!
7. There is war in the wilderness. Jesus didn’t surrender. He knew His authority! With every “right-hook lie” of the enemy, Jesus countered with the Sword of the Spirit — God’s Word! In the wilderness seasons, it may seem like nothing is going right. Your car may break down, your health goes haywire, dissension rises in your family. Rise up, husbands. Don’t despair, wives. Don’t buckle, knuckle up! You’re not a victor, you’re more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37)!
Run to God, cling to your spouse, and fasten your eyes on hope. The wilderness is a season and God has a reason.
What have you learned in the wilderness?

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Home

3 Reasons Why Being Married is Better

1. You Live Longer
According to the Health Research Fund married Men live 17 years longer than single men. Single men’s risk of death is also 32% higher than their married counterparts. Why is this? Well according to the Health Research Fund, married men eat better than single men. Married men tend to eat more home cooked meals, while single men eat out. Single men are also less likely to workout, tend to smoke more and are more likely to partake in risky behavior.
2. You Make More Money
According to the Census Bureau, in 2010 the median net worth for a married couple between the ages of 55 and 64 was $261,405. That compares to $71,428 for a man heading a household, and $39,043 for a woman heading a household. In the Today article, “Why Married People Tend to Be Wealthier”, it states that married couples are able to combine their income, share expenses and utilize only one of the insurances. With the shared household duties, one of the spouses is even able to put in extra hours to impress the boss and get a promotion.
3. You Have Better Sex
According to a survey by the Kinsey Institute over 85 percent of married couples in their late 20s have sex at least a few times a month, compared with 35 percent of singles. There are many reasons for this phenomenon. One thing’s for sure since you don’t have to use a condom sex is much more pleasurable. Not to mention, since you trust each other, you’re more likely to suggest new things since there’s less fear of judgement. Also, familiarity plays a huge role. Married couples get a lot of practice with each other and have the time to get know what each other likes. One-night-stands are so overrated.
So, being married is way better than being single. You’ll live longer, make more money, and have better sex. What more do you need? Love. Oh yeah. There’s a bunch of love in marriage too.
Enjoy your day.
Joel Pearson

Categories
Engaged

Protecting My Marriage from Scandal

After the second season of Scandal ended I was hooked. I was so disappointed like most people that I had to wait so many months to begin watching it again. The crazy story lines and shenanigans of the powerful, rich and famous had me intrigued and sometimes on the edge of my couch.  And then there was the “elephant in the room” of this this show…the “love” story of Olivia and Fitz.  I knew it was obviously a major storyline but I tried to overlook it and try to keep watching.  I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal because of all the other twists and turns of the show but the Holy Spirit would not let me.
I realized the show was sowing weeds instead of fruit in my life. The show is glorifying the fact that this woman is powerful and a mistress. If I believed and valued what the word says about marriage, I had to stop watching it.
I have enough outside distractions that attempt to corrupt my marriage and it’s value and I did not want to continually invite the unhealthy images and thoughts into my head.  So one day I told my husband that I had had enough and I have not looked back since. The word says in the book of Matthew that even looking at someone with a lustful eye is adultery. Here are some other scriptures to ponder on.
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
1 Peter 2:11
Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls.
There are many other shows that didn’t make the cut and were canceled in our household. I love my husband and I want to do everything possible to make sure I do fall victim to lust. What shows, movies, music don’t you think you could do without?

Categories
Marriage

4 Plans Every Young Marriage Needs

Planning ahead in marriage can save so much time and also helps you prioritize what is most important to you and your spouse. Here are 4 plans every marriage needs.
1. A Date Night Plan
There were essential things you did before you got married that led to where you are now. One of those essential things was dating. Without dating you couldn’t have made a confident decision to take it to the next level and spend the rest of your life together. It is very easy after you get married to allow life to take over and stop doing the very thing that built your relationship. I am speaking from experience and truth. My wife and I were long distance our entire dating season up until marriage. When we would fly to see one another we had the most extravagant dates planned. But, after we got married we stopped putting as much effort into it. We have now established a date night no matter what’s happening, or how much money we have. Its vital for the health of our marriage!
2. A Financial Plan.
This is not just a budget, but a financial plan. A budget is something you use to help manage your day to day spending so you can tell your money where it goes versus your money telling you where it wants to go. A budget is great and awesome, but it really isn’t beneficial if you don’t have a financial plan. A financial plan is goals you have established that you want your finances to accomplish over the next few years all the way down to your last breath. I remember when my wife and I finally realized we weren’t not coming to an agreement on how our finances should be spent. So, we found a financial advisor that we could meet with to help us establish a financial plan and a working budget to get there. That was one of the best investments we’ve made because now we know where we are going and how we are going to get there.
3. A Life Goal Plan.
Have you and your spouse sat down and discussed what you would like to have accomplished by the end of your life. I know talking about death can be very scary and weird, but honestly it is reality that one day you will no longer be here. What are some major life goals that you and your spouse share or maybe some things that you want to do that your spouse can support you in doing. Don’t wait until “later” in life to start working towards those goals, start now! Your life is important and every second is a second you can use for the good of your life goals. This gives your marriage purpose because now you and your spouse are moving towards more than just building material things here on Earth, but now building a legacy.
 4. A Vacation Plan.
This one should get you happy real quick because I know I am getting happy thinking about it. Many couples wait too late in the year to start thinking about where or how they will spend their vacation. This makes it very hard to save money for a vacation that is truly worth it. You should try to plan your vacation out at least a year in advance in order to set up a monthly deposit into a separate account that you will use towards your vacation. This has worked so well for my wife and I. We have started out with simple trips, but we set the goal of some major trips as well. One of our major trips only because it’s a big part of my heart is to go to another country and do half missions work and half vacation.  Set a plan for your vacations so you can enjoy one another and the fruit of your labor.

Categories
Marriage Parenting

Living With The Inlaws

Last year my husband and I fell on some hard times and we were unable to upkeep our beautiful (cheap) apartment and take care of our little one. My mom so graciously offered to take us in which was a struggle for my husband and I. We were worried about what it could do to our marriage. As new parents, we also feared that we wouldn’t be able to raise our child the way we wanted to. Today, we are on big happy family considering this continued arrangement. Here’s how our marriage has survived almost a year of living with an in-law.

  1. Be clear about the boundaries in the home.

Although you want to be respectful to your parent/in-law, it’s important to be open and honest about what you expect the living arrangements to be even if you’re being helped. The last thing anyone would want is the family falling apart. Before you pack even one box, say “We absolutely appreciate the help but we still want our child to know who his/her parents are.” One of my biggest pet peeves is a child recognizing their grandparents as their parents when the actual parents are available to take care of their child. My husband and I make sure we not only do the basics but we are very present in her life. We don’t take advantage of the fact that my retired mother is in the home.

  1. Don’t Take Advantage of the Living Arrangements

As I mentioned in number one, mom and dad (in-laws) are not the live in nannies. Make sure you spend as much time with your child, doing the same things you would if you were on your own. After all, you brought the child into the world. The point of being in the home is to be able to provide the best for your child so try to be your best.
Contribute to the home. We all know moms love to cook and clean for their babies but that umbilical cord does not automatically reattach as soon as you go back home. Offer to cook once in a while. Take over the chore of cleaning and please, please do your own laundry!

  1. Communicate with your spouse.

If you are living with your in-law and you feel uncomfortable don’t be afraid to say so. Keeping that secret can be detrimental to your marriage and cause damage that may take years to repair. Sometimes your in-law may try to “help” by being intrusive and offering unwarranted advice. Not having an open, ongoing conversation about your feelings not only leaves your spouse in the dark but it leaves you in the dark. You are uncomfortable in the place you call home and unsure about the state of your marriage. Holding on to that can stop you from being your best.
If you are the one living with your parent and you feel like your spouse isn’t contributing enough, just tell them. Don’t be afraid to say, “I know this isn’t ideal but thank God we have a roof over our head. Let’s try to do our best to do as much as we can to show our appreciation.” Have a continued open conversation about your feelings about everything.

  1. Communicate with your parents.

You’re living with your parents so it’s safe to say that you have a good relationship with them. Talk to them whenever you feel like they are crossing the boundaries you previously set or any new lines that need to be drawn. Even though you’re grown, your parents still want the best for you. Be respectful and assure them that you appreciate everything that they’ve done but be straight forward.

  1. Don’t be afraid to be intimate!

You’re married, regardless of where you live! Being intimate is absolutely important for the survival of any marriage, more so if you’re in someone else’s home.

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Dating/Courting Engaged Home Marriage News Parenting Uncategorized

Balancing the Prophet and Person in Marriage

From the Desk of The Modern Day Cindi: There are few things I have considered more challenging as a prophetic person than giving directions with no answers OR bringing validity in ambiguity. Balancing the prophet and the person in marriage is equally interesting.
When I first met my husband, I just started to understand who I was in the kingdom of God.  I knew that I received understandings or revelations from the Lord, but I had not yet linked that the open ear to heaven during the night and what I saw during the day was a gift. I did, however, begin to realize something new was happening. And to my delight, the more I pressed in, the more understanding I received.
Naturally, there are insights that God gives and gifts a prophetic person. As a wife and a seer, I believe that the gift has taken on new life as I have been given insights that I did not have before for: protection of the family, to aid in vision delivery, and alignment with God’s will. Because I have been given an opportunity to go beyond the veil, my communication to heaven and hubby has to be well-timed and considerate, placing extra attention to the sensitivity of my spouse because of his role in the marriage, as well as in the kingdom.
As a result, there have been many times that my attempts to deliver insight or revelation to my husband may not have been received or even taken seriously. I had to learn not to let his rebuffs deter what needed to be said as a vessel of the Lord. I also had to consistently undergo a character check to ensure it was not a flaw within myself that has created a barrier or impediment for the word of the Lord being received. Moreover, I had to remind myself not to over-personalize anything and stick to the mission/message at hand.
Equally while concerned about my character, I have to balance that with the word of God. As a prophetic person, even in my spirituality, I am still a human created to do Gods’ will on earth, so the word of the Lord is just as applicable in my life as it is in the lives of others. Therefore, as a wife, I am constantly thinking of not hurting or offending my husband e.g. not being a nag, not destroying communication, building up credibility, and still honoring my spouse.
Hence, although we speak the word of the Lord, we are not God; so with our spouse and the rest of the family unit here are a few things to remember to balance the prophet and the person in the marriage:

  1. Pray, Pray, Pray. Our first response to everything is prayer, especially in the home. Praying is our first line of defense, our weapon of warfare, and our direct channel to the Lord. We are not praying to get our way, but praying God’s will. It is the only way you can receive the revelation of God and restore peace. (James 5:16)
  2. God delights in peace, not discord; he is not the author of confusion. (Proverbs 6:19; I Corinthians 14:33)
  3. Exercise wisdom (Proverbs 4: 6-7)
  4. Know how to adjust your tone how to approach an area of sensitivity (Proverbs 16: 24 and Proverbs 15:1)
  5. Don’t be ruled by your emotions Prophetic people are sensitive; super sensitive! I have had to learn through much trial and error not to take anything personal, not to project my opinion, and also know how to let the spirit of the Lord speak when I could not. (Jeremiah 17:9)

 
 

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Marriage Parenting

Ten Reasons Why Children Will Bless Your Marriage

In a society that views children as a plague, it is so important to recognize the heart that God has for children and how he intended them to be a blessing to your marriage. Most people will say things like “enjoy your spouse first , then have kids” or “kids are so expensive” or “the romance dies when you have kids” well my friends,  we have found known of these things to be true at all.
I have been married for three years, we have a 20 month old and I am pregnant with our second one. Our son has been nothing but a blessing to us. Yes, some days are hard; yes, you have to change some things, but our son has been a huge blessing to our marriage.
Below are 10 reasons why I believe children in general will bless your marriage!!
1. Children teach you how to better communicate with your spouse.
2. Children teach you how to work as a team (as you are now both responsible for something living together.)
3. Children teach you how to better manage your finances.
4. Children help you reprioritize what is most important.
5. Children further solidify your family.
6. Children teach you how to be childlike and help you learn how to approach God in a childlike manner.
7.Children help you understand the heart of God, as you learn how to parent the way he parents.
8. Children increase your prayer life.
9.Children bring immense laughter and joy into your marriage and family.
10.Children are the living manifestation of the love you and your spouse have.
There are so many other wonderful blessings that come with children. I have learned that God always provides for his children so finances should never be the main reason not to have kids, the most important thing is having a marriage that is solid and two people are emotionally ready, if those things are in place, you will reap the blessings of increase your family. Happy baby making married folks!!
 

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Home

Why I Stopped Dating "Random" People

In 2012, I learned of a new term coined by the beautiful Heather Lindsey, “Randoms”. Heather was known for her “No Random” slogan, which young ladies around the WORLD identified with, including myself. Well, kind of.
Pre-Heather Lindsey, I thought dating a random was cool, as long as he was a “Christian random”. Lets face it, no one was showing any “real” interest in me; why not date the “cute” but “not fully sold out for Christ” guy I met at bible study? I mean, he loves Jesus or he wouldn’t be at bible study, right?!?  Allow me to share with you how God wrecked me in the matter of seconds.
I had just returned home from staying the night with this gentleman, nothing happened, we actually watched bible study online, ate and went to sleep. When I returned home the next day, I was super excited! I remember lying down for a nap, thinking about all the things I would cook for him the next time. In the middle of my thoughts, I heard God say “How can I send you your husband, when you’re playing wife to someone else”. My response “ Come again God” but he didn’t repeat himself.
Completely perplexed, I reached for my bible. I used some random method of picking a book & chapter to read. If it spoke to me regarding what I thought he said, I’d know he really said it.  So, I randomly landed on 2nd John, which only has one chapter. In that one chapter, God managed to confirm what I “thought” I heard.
So what was there to fear in dating this “Random”? Read and see:
Potential for Loss
“ Watch out that you do not lose what we have worked hard for” -2nd John 1:8a
I don’t have time to go through my back-story, however if you’re interested check out my story at lovebyencouragement.com (shameless plug). In a nutshell, I went from being a girl willing to ignore her faith for a guy, to being completely sold out for Christ. Over the last two years, I had been faithful in serving God, working in ministry, faithfully attending bible study and Sunday service, as well as spending personal time with God. I WORKED MY BUTT OFF to rekindle my relationship with Christ. One wrong mistake, and I could have been ensnared by the very thing God delivered me from 2 years prior.
Forfeited Reward
“But that you may be fully rewarded” 2nd John 1:8B
At that time, my heart’s desire was to be in a serious God-fearing relationship. I knew God was preparing me for the gentleman that would captivate my heart, but I chose to entertain others in the meantime. Plus this guy was really sweet and he liked Jesus, I would help him get to the point of love. But God already had someone for me; that someone loved God with not only his words, but also his lifestyle. Had I settled for this “random”, I would have never had the opportunity to experience the FULLNESS of my reward!
Disconnection From God
“Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God” 2nd John 1:9
In the short time of dating him, I remember some of my convictions becoming weaker. I would fake curse, saying things like “AWWWWW D-word” (mind you I’ve never been a curser) and I began drinking every now and then. Not to say having a drink is bad, but because of what drinking represented for me earlier in life, I vowed not to drink anymore. Any who, all this to say my personal conviction became weaker as I dated this “random”.
There you have it! After reading 2nd John chapter one, I couldn’t even take my nap. From then on, I made it my business to RUN from every random that presented himself to me. I could never get verses 12-13 out of my head:
(MSG) If anyone shows up who doesn’t hold to this teaching, don’t invite him in and give him run of the place. That would give him a platform to perpetuate his evil ways, making you his partner.
If you take nothing else from this blog, understand that “randoms” come with a cost. They may cost you wasted time, money, a spiritual set back, or even your final reward. Choose wisely whom you choose to date, and never forget to ask God what he thinks. He’ll do the same for you, as he did for me. Remember, warning comes before destruction!