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3 Things to Remind Yourself Everyday as a Single Christian

Portrait of a thoughtful woman looking at window

1.You’re Not the Only One.
Social media has a way of making us think we are the only single Christian men and women left on planet Earth. There have been many occasions that I have logged on Facebook only to find that my friend was in a relationship or see someone has gotten engaged. Then of course, all the feelings come flooding in your mind. When it will be my turn? What’s wrong with me? I’m the only one left!
This isn’t true at all. The enemy tries to trick us into thinking that were are alone in our single season. Nope! There are many single Christian men and women, just like us. They are praying, waiting and hoping for the day to come that God reveals their spouse to them. Don’t become weary in this season because you’re not the only one.
2. God Knows Your Future
Often we start to grow impatient thinking that God has forgotten about us. He is blessing everyone else with a mate but we’re still single. We want God to reveal the future to us but it’s funny that He doesn’t give us all the details. What would be the point of trusting Him, if He told us everything? There would be no reason to stand strong on the word of God.
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”
Trust that God knows the future. He knows when He will manifest the blessing of you having a mate. Don’t give up on the promises of God. Mediate on His word, day and night. Know that your season is coming because God knows your future.
3. It’s not too late
Gosh! I hear this all the time. Maybe it’s too late for God to bless me with a mate. Maybe I messed up so bad in the past that this isn’t an option for me. This is all non-sense. It’s never too late for God to bless you with a mate. Age isn’t a factor. I’ve seen people get married in their mid-40’s and even some at the age of 60.
Your past doesn’t dictate your future blessings. Let go of the past! God is going to bless you with a mate in due season. Have you ever heard the saying: “He may not come when you want him but He’s right on time”. Exactly, it’s not too late, God’s is preparing the best for you!
 

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Dating/Courting Home Single

3 Dangers in Following Your Heart

People love to give the advice to follow your heart when pursuing a new relationship, but this is unbiblical. The word of God does not instruct us to follow our heart, but instead to guard it (Proverbs 4:23). Here are 3 dangers in following your heart.

  1. The Heart is Deceitful– Jeremiah 17:9 tells us “The heart is deceitful above all things. And it is extremely sick; Who can understand it fully and know its secret motives?” If you are following a heart that is deceitful and sick will it give you the truth or perspective you need in order to make healthy choices and decisions and to obey God? Absolutely not! Your heart will attempt to fulfill its own desires and is not concerned about the casualties created as a result of its selfish pursuit.

 

  1. The Heart is Void of Wisdom– Proverbs 28:26 informs us that fools trust in their own heart but there is safety for those who walk in wisdom. This scripture indicates there is no wisdom or safety found in trusting in or following our own heart. Our own hearts can mislead and misguide us. When we allow the painful memories from past relationships to become embedded in the memory of our heart, it becomes a source of false wisdom and counsel in new relationship experiences.

 

  1. The Heart is Inconsistent and Emotional– Another danger in following your heart is based on the season you are enduring in your life, your heart will lead you based on its emotional state. The problem with this is when we are led by our emotions we do not have an accurate perspective of our situation and if we are led by our emotions we are not being led by the truth of God. Have you ever witnessed a woman make a vow to her husband and God that she will love, honor, respect and be faithful to him for the rest of her life….then in a challenging season when she feels he does not understand her, she confides in and gives her heart to another man who seems to be more understanding than her husband? The emotions of her heart have deceived her into believing it is acceptable and justifiable to break covenant with her husband to connect to another man who understands her. Instead of guarding her heart during this vulnerable season, she chose to allow the emotions of it to guide her. Relationships have been ruined because people chose to follow their own heart and not God’s heart or will.

The next time someone tells you to follow your heart do yourself a favor and tell them no thanks; I would rather follow God’s heart! He will never lead me astray and cannot fail me!

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Communication Home Marriage

4 Reasons Why Melania Needs to Move Into the White House With Donald

Washington, D.C. at the White House.

Recently there has been buzz that Melania will not be moving into the White House. I hear she will be staying  in their New York Penthouse. One of the reasons I read was that she did not want to disrupt her son, who had been through a lot during the past several months as his father campaigned. While I believe it is important to have consistency for our children, I was concerned about the tone of the article. What the writer kept reiterating is that Melania is very close to her son, and she is very worried about her son. While this is commendable and sounds beautiful, I think it is also important to consider her husband. Now I do not know the dynamics of their marriage, and I know with the money they have, they can easily fly to and fro between New York and DC daily, but here are my reasons why I think couples should always live together. Especially when one is going to have such a stressful job as commander-in-chief of the most powerful nation in the world.
1. Living in the same house allows you to walk together as “one”, you run the house together, you sleep in the same bed, you see each other daily.
2. The enemy loves division- If there are any areas in a couple’s life where there is separation or division the enemy can use it as access into the marriage, the couple must always fight for togetherness.
3. While our children are important, we can not put them before our spouse. If our marriages are happy and healthy so will our children be.
4. Attacks intimacy- When people live in different homes, the sexual intimacy is more difficult as well as the emotional intimacy, living in one house allows access to other person in times of emotional and sexual needs.
It is important to know that the number one thing the enemy hates in marriage is unison or agreement, scripture tells us where two or three walk together, God is in the mist. We also know that two people can not be equally yoked unless they are walking in the same direction and in agreement. Am I saying their marriage won’t work?, no of course not. I just know there will have more obstacles to jump through living in different homes.

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Dating/Courting Home Single

3 Keys to Entering Your Next Relationship

Portrait of a young african woman sitting at outdoor cafe using cellphone

Key 1 – God’s Timing is Right
Ecclesiastes 3:1 “There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven-”
I am a firm believer in the times and seasons the Bible refers to. It is so important that you don’t move outside of God’s timing, and this applies to relationships as well. Moving at your own pace and not God’s pace or the direction of His will can cause damaging circumstances to develop.
For example, a potentially good relationship may not work out if it comes into existence prematurely. Yes, I said it! Moving outside of God’s timing can cause a blessing to turn into a curse.
Let’s say you feel fully prepared to be in a relationship but God knows you still hold a bit of unforgiveness in your heart towards your ex. More than likely, God isn’t going to open the door to a new relationship until that area of yourself has completely healed.
Why? Because you will certainly make it very hard for a new relationship to flourish if, by way of unforgiveness, your heart is still connected to your last relationship. You see, God knows and sees what we don’t know and see. It’s better to trust Him than to move outside of His plan and timing.
Key 2 – Don’t Force It
Proverbs 19:21 “Many plans are in a man’s mind, But it is the Lord’s purpose for him that will stand (be carried out).”
One thing I’ve learned throughout my life is to never force anything. Hence the popular saying “If the shoe fits, wear it,” but I say, “If the shoes doesn’t fit, DON’T wear it.” I like to apply this principle to relationships as well; forcing something “to be” that has “this is not the one for you” written all over it is only going to damage you as a person.
There’s the possibility of feeling rejected or becoming brokenhearted. Certain insecurities can form if the person you’re forcing a relationship with is interested in someone else. It is even possible that you may feel unimportant or as though you’re not a priority.
I know this person may have all the qualities listed on your list, but if God says “no,” it’s a no. If the relationship has more exhausting days than joyful days, you’re probably staying in something that is simply not for you.
If you’re one who is forcing a relationship to work when you know deep down in your heart that it’s time to move on and let go, pray and ask God for clarity.
Key 3 – Prepare Yourself
Proverbs 24:27 “Prepare your work outside and get it ready for yourself in the field; afterward build your house and establish a home.”
A very wise person prepares themselves for future seasons of life. Marriage is serious, and dating/courting is the first phase in determining whom you will marry. Therefore, it’s important that you prepare not only for marriage, but for your dating/courting season as well.
Preparation should include understanding what boundaries are, how to overcome temptation (which will come), how to identity red flags, what is permissible in a relationship and what simply is not. All these things plus more are important to know about before you let yourself enter a relationship.
Most people prepare only for marriage and forget the important phase of dating/courting that comes before it.
Always remember these three pointers – Timing, Don’t Force it, and Prepare!
Raven

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Home Single

5 Tips to Get Through the Holidays Being Single

Pretty young african woman video chatting on her mobile phone as she relaxes in front of a decorated tree and gifts in a red and white themed living room ready for Christmas.

The holidays are one of the best times of the year. It’s a great time to be surrounded by the love of those who matter most. However, the holidays approaching can also be a daunting time for singles, reminding you of your lack of a significant other. However, being single does not have to feel lonely. Here are some tips and advice on how to get through the holidays.
1.) Volunteering- The holidays are all about giving, so what better way to spend the holidays than giving back? It helps you get out of your own head when you can stop and think about the needs of others. Many places can use the help of people during this season. For example, volunteering at a homeless shelter, donating toys, gift wrapping at the mall, helping out at the children’s hospital, these are all great ways to give back, leaving you with a rewarding feeling.
2.) Spending time with family–  Take the time to go and spend time with that relative you may have not seen in a while. They may be thrilled to have you in company, and  create more memories.
3.) Single group outings– Gather all of your single friends and make it a singles outing.  Whether it be a short trip, a day of shopping, taking a painting class or a holiday dinner, I’m sure your single friends will appreciate this fun thought, and you could be helping them from being a single slug.
4.) Decorating– Decking your place out in holiday gear is a great way to put yourself in the holiday spirit, it’s also a great way to get your creativity out; making it fun and festive.
5.) Throwing a holiday party– Gathering friends and family for a holiday party is a good way to get everyone together. There are a myriad of holiday party themes, from throwing a  friends-giving gathering, to an ugly sweater Christmas party, to a cookie baking party,  or having a Christmas movie night,  any idea should do. And if you have your guests bring a plus one… who knows, you may meet a special someone in the midst of it all!
Hope this helps. Happy Holidays!

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Home Single

Struggling with Celibacy? 3 Scriptures to Help You Fight

It’s easy when you have never opened yourself up to sex but for those of us that have already lost our virginity – then decided that it wasn’t such a good idea, so we pledge to be celibate until marriage- we can often struggle with it.
Everybody is having sex. Look at them, they are having sex and HAPPY. Meanwhile you’re one second away from giving it all up and joining them.
DON’T!
Here’s 3 bible scriptures I read when I start struggling with my promise to God
1. I  Corinthians 6:19 (AMP)
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is within you, whom you have [received as a gift] from God, and that you are not your own [property]?
Listen, when I read this scripture, it reminds me that I am not my own. This body does not belong to me. So how dare I just do with it as I will? I want to make sure this temple is somewhere the Holy Spirit can dwell, a great sacred place. Besides, how can my sin and the Holy Spirit inhabit the same space?
2. Romans 12:2 (AMP)
And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].
Most of the time when I’m struggling with celibacy, I’m allowing the world to influence my way of living. So what if everybody’s doing it? If everybody is going to hell does that mean I have to go? Certainly not! One thing I learned, is that everything that glitters is not gold. So yes, people may be having sex and yes they may be happy, but their souls are being crushed. Soul ties are being formed and soul ties formed outside of marriage are nothing but bondage. So I constantly pray that the Lord renews my mind and my way of thinking and I ask that He helps me to remember that I am the daughter of a King and I am in line for my inheritance and I certainly will not receive it if I’m compromising.
Perhaps what I read in an article on celibacy will encourage you: “The voices of the world may loudly cheer for us to give our bodies away but the conviction of the Spirit must be louder if we’re to stay committed to serving God.”
Allow God to renew your mind, He will give you a different perspective on being celibate. It won’t be this oh woe is me, I’m lonely, instead you’ll be more focused on what true intimacy is and how intimacy starts with the Father. True intimacy isn’t physical, it’s seeing one’s heart.
3. I Corinthians 10:13 (AMP)
No temptation [regardless of its source] has overtaken or enticed you that is not common to human experience [nor is any temptation unusual or beyond human resistance]; but God is faithful [to His word—He is compassionate and trustworthy], and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability [to resist], but along with the temptation He [has in the past and is now and] will [always] provide the way out as well, so that you will be able to endure it [without yielding, and will overcome temptation with joy].
The Lord will not allow you to be tempted beyond your ability. That means, when you began struggling with celibacy, you can overcome it. You’re not going to be tempted and stumble. So often I remind myself, this is a small thing to a giant (in the words of rapper T.I). It’s light work, an easy feat. Yes it will test your strength, know it won’t feel good, yes it will test your courage, but sis, bro… YOU WIN! Isn’t that amazing to know? You can look that temptation and that struggle square in the face and know, without a shadow of a doubt,  the victory is yours.
During these times, I talk to myself and remind myself that I’m a born winner. Sometimes I even find myself throwing Muhammad Ali jabs. That’s right, I tell the enemy “you ‘gon get this work today.” Lol, You’ve got to. Don’t let the struggle beat you down, beat it down.
Your fighting tools are the scriptures.
Lastly, I want you to know that you are not alone in your struggles. There are many of us going through this very thing. It’s okay to talk to about it, you don’t have to be silent. I encourage you in these moments to find solace in the Lord and not sex.
If you’re struggling and you just need someone to pray with you and for you, email me at thepowerofgodlywomen@gmail.com- I’ll be happy to send you prayers, add you to my prayer-book and even pray with you.

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Home Marriage Parenting Spiritual Intimacy

3 Tips to Maintain Your Relationship With God While Married

Family In Kitchen With Mother Making On Line Purchase

3 years into marriage, 1 Corinthians 7:34 makes perfect sense:

“An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world–how she can please her husband.”

Wait one minute, does that essentially say, “marriage can affect our relationship with God?” Yup and when I recognized the reality of this verse in my marriage, especially after my daughter arrived, it grieved me some. Between nursing, diaper changes, heading back and forth to work, helping my husband in ministry and trying to take care of home, there was less and less time for quality time with God. My responsibilities increase,  life is no longer just about me.
So I get… it can become difficult to manage it all being married with kids, especially as women our job can be round the clock.  It’s easy to disconnect from God simply because we are not able to give ourselves as much to the necessary things to keep a strong relationship with Him, like prayer, fasting, reading and studying the word. When I was single I was surely devoted to God, there were no distraction and it was much easier to find quality quiet time with Him.
Now, I have to be more intentional about making time for God and I, although, the above scripture is accurate in my life,  realize God is my first love and I’m also married to Him. In addition, in order to successfully accomplish all of my other goals and responsibilities in life, I need Him!
Below are 3 tips to maintain your relationship with God while married:

  1. Creative Time:

The days of coming home from work and spending the whole evening with God is over. Now, I have to think about picking the baby up from daycare, figure out dinner, and prepare our family for evening service 2 days per week. However, I found several creative places to talk and spend time with the Lord.

    • Commuting: The car is the perfect place to talk with God or even worship. Turn off the radio for quiet time with Him or play your favorite worship songs. I also find time with Him on the train ride to and from  work. I’ll read and even pray softly.
    • Lunch Breaks: If you work full-time like me, you can always fast & pray on your lunch break and/or have bible study. I do this often and in the past I’ve even lead bible study with co-workers.
    • Chores: You don’t have to always be on your knees to pray. I’ve had some of the greatest encounters with God in the most unique places, once while washing dishes. I pray while in the shower, while cleaning and doing other chores. It’s okay to get creative.

2. Requested Alone- Time:
When I start to feeling like I need more than creative time with Lord. I’ll communicate with my husband and suggest him and my daughter have another daddy/daughter date. This way I can have the house to myself to spend quality alone time with God. Consider coordinating time with your spouse to do the same.
3. Family Time:
Although you may not have as much quality alone time with God, another way to spend time with Him is as a family. Something my husband and I do is pray and read one chapter together nightly. My 13 month old daughter is usually right there with us. It’s amazing to see her learn from us and imitate our prayer and worship by lifting her hands as if she’s worshiping too.
 

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Home Single

WHAT DOES TRUSTING GOD WITH YOUR SINGLENESS REALLY LOOK LIKE?

In your single season you will often hear people tell you to “Trust God.” It sounds great and deep down inside you know that you should trust God.

How do you keep trusting God  when every day you arise and you find yourself still single. You also, find that the main ones that are telling you to trust God are dating or happily married.

You keep thinking I’m a Christian, I serve God and even His people. I pray and Lord knows I slay!  Yet, I still find myself single. I desire to date a God- fearing man and to be married one day.

Let’s be honest! For those of us that had sex before marriage and then were transformed to do things God’s way the struggle is real! Sometimes you find your single season being extremely hard. It’s not only a spiritual battle but a physical battle as well. Which leads me to points I want to make….

He’s in Control

I’ve learned that your single season teaches “self-control.” There are things in our lives that we can control but there are some things that we can’t control. I used to be the woman that pursued men for a relationship. Even in the relationship, I did all the pursuing and they did absolutely nothing.

During my single season I learned an important lesson… That it’s not my role to pursue, that’s the man’s role. It’s my role to simply respond. I had to learn self-control and I had to learn how to allow God to be in control of my life.

Trusting God isn’t just about the single season that you’re in, it’s more about trusting God with your entire life.

What are some areas in your life that you struggle with self-control? It’s not always sex. It can be anger, lying, cheating, gossiping, etc.

Trust the Plan

I remember wondering if God even had marriage in store for my life. Interestingly enough, God never spoke and told me that one day I would be married. Each day I had to walk by faith and not by sight.

If God reveals every plan to us, then there would be no need for faith. Even if God doesn’t reveal the plan, you still have to trust the plan. God knows exactly what we need and when we shall receive it. Don’t doubt what God can do for you. To doubt God, means that you don’t trust Him completely. Trust in His word and know that He gives good gifts to His children.

Are you in a spiritual place of completely trusting God?

Yes, you may get tired of hearing people to tell you to trust God. You must desire that in your heart more than you desire a mate. Trust that your single season is a preparation time. He’s preparing you, as He is preparing him. Trust that in this season that God hasn’t denied you a mate, it’s just delayed until due season.  Keep trusting God and know that the best is yet to come!

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Dating/Courting Home Single

How Most Christians Kill Their Future Before it Begins

No matter the relationship status, most people have a desire for more. Be it desiring to date, to be engaged, to be married, to have children or to be pursued by your love who no longer pays as much attention to you. It’s natural to have a desire for “what comes next”.
As Christians, we know the importance of praying ourselves through our disappointment, but for some of us (myself included) when things don’t change fast enough, take matters into our own hands. We TRY to become GOD over our own situation, not realizing we are tying the hands of the one and only ALLLLLLLLL-knowing God.
I can remember telling God “Since you are having a hard time finding me a man, I’ll help you!” The season to follow was THEE worst season of my life. From heartache to regret, my “playing God” caused me many sleepless nights; all because I couldn’t rest in the fact that God knew what he was doing.
James 1:13-15 lets us know what happens when we give in to our own desires, we sin, and ultimately our sin leads to death. Death could be natural and/or spiritual! You could potentially kill the promise God made; you can actually forfeit the blessing God has for you by giving into your right now desire (just ask Moses).
As I approach the next season of desire, I’m reminded that God is all knowing and HE, in his timing, will reveal all things to me. He, in his timing, will make all things work together for my good. He, in his timing, will bless me beyond measures in this season. I’ve made a conscious decision to rest in God’s plan for my life, as I remember what it’s like to step outside of His grace and try to make things happen. Simply put, they fall apart.
A preacher from Louisiana broke Jeremiah 29:11 down like I’d never heard it. He said “Most people quote Jeremiah 29:11 religiously, but they fail to truly embrace the scripture. When God said, “For I know the plans I have for you… he meant it. Christians sometime take ownership of the “I”, ultimately causing the real “I” to step back!” Once I received this knowledge, I became accountable to it.
Now that you know, you’re accountable to this information as well! Now that you know better (or have been reminded), you must do better at letting God be God and the Lord of your situation…uninterrupted by you!
With Love,
Shannon Cheri Colar

Categories
Dating/Courting Home

5 Ways to Improve Communication in Your Relationship

Black couple having a conversation in their living room

We all know it , one of the areas that gets hit first in a relationship is clear communication. What Satan desires is to blur the lines of communication, having you assume but not speak and eventually begin to walk in different directions. Below are some ways to safe guard the lines of communication in your relationship.
1.  Over-communicate– Do not assume the other person knows, say it, ask it so that all parties can be on the same page.
2.  Listen with your heart– When the other person talks, listen not to answer but to hear their heart and their needs.
3.  Do not be defensive– If you feel like you need to defend yourself from your spouse, then a level of trust is missing. Watch your body language in conflict, if you feel like you are being attacked or you always have to explain, you maybe defensive.
4. Create time to talk– Communication has to be intentional, if you are really busy set weekly dates for you guys to share your highs and lows, let each person in the party share what is on their heart. Make space for communication.
5.  Learn how your partner communicates– external communicators -like to talk things out,  internal communicators-like to think things out. Learning how your spouse communicates will allow you to give them the space they need to either think or talk. Meet each other in the middle.
Remember as you grow as a couple, your communication will get stronger and stronger, but you have to intentionally practice.