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Single Girls Guide: Overcoming Frustration

There’s seem to be some kind of misconception going around that being frustrated with being single is not a thing. Well, excuse me but it’s just not true.
I, myself have been single for almost 8 years and I’ve certainly have had my fair share of frustrated moments. I mean after 8 years, wouldn’t you? However, I don’t allow myself to make a home in those moments.
See, I understand what most single women don’t-  that wallowing in frustration is not a good look. When you’re single, you have to be careful of the energy you put out there. If you’re always frustrated, or acting out in frustration, how can you expect a man to be attracted to you?
I mean, would you be attracted to someone who gives off that kind of energy? I’m sure that’s not on that list you came up with when you thought about your dream man.
See frustration can breed bitterness and anger. That’s why you have to be careful not to let it consume you. So what do you do with all that built up frustration?
I’ll tell you what you don’t do. You don’t call an ex. You don’t rant on social media. And you surely don’t think of yourself as someone who’s worthless just because you’re single.
No girlfriend, you LIVE. And you live life more ABUNDANTLY during those moments.
You go out in your favorite outfit and dance the night away. Or you spend a random night in the city and get a hotel and jump on the bed. You can also go on a meditative nature walk. Or go shopping and treat yourself to at least one thing you don’t really need. Travel for the weekend to see a long-distance friend or family member. Buy tickets to a show. Just hang out with yourself. Have your very own Netflix and Chill night in your favorite PJs, order some delivery and just binge watch a show you never have time to watch. My personal favorite, is taking myself on a spa date. I get a man and pedi and massage. Nothing like hot stones to make you forget all about your relationship status.
Whatever you choose to do, choose to not live this season of your life in frustration. Being single is not a disease. In fact, it’s surely to be the most purposeful time of your life if you allow it.
Got a question for me? Find me on Instagram or email me personally at thepowerofgodlywomen@gmail.com.

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HELP! There are No Godly Men Left on the Planet

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“Good Men are hard to find.” …“Why are there no good men left in the world?”…
This statement and question together can leave you feeling frustrated while waiting in your single season. When you are frustrated with a season that God has called you to, it can lead you into temptation. Temptation not only causes you to fall, but it draws you away from God. It delays the promises of God from manifesting in your life.
 
Single Ladies: Stop saying, “Good med are hard to find.”
First, you shouldn’t be looking for a man. Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord. [NKJV] When you step out of alignment with God by searching for a man, you are telling God that he can’t handle this area of your life. When you step out of alignment, you also abort the mission. Then you find yourself in the wilderness longer than you had to be because of your disobedience to waiting on God and trusting in his plan. Your position is to seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33 [NIV] Promises are often withheld because God is still maturing us to handle the gift he has for us. If we receive it in a premature season, we will mishandle the gift. Wait on God, sis!
 
Single Ladies: Stop asking, “Why are there no good men left?”
Are you looking for perfection and walking past and rejecting the one that doesn’t look like what you expected? Are your expectations based on your broken past experiences? Your single season is a time to clean house–clear your mind and rid your heart of all the junk you’ve allowed to be stored up on the inside of you. The enemy takes a strong hold of the mind. The battle is always within the mind. If Satan, can have you ask questions like: “Why are there no Good Men left?, he can keep you focusing on what you see around you. He can also blind you to what’s right in front of you. He can block you from hearing the voice of God because you’re so focused on distractions like this question. This question is a distraction to the promises of God that you should be focused on.
 
STOP making this statement and STOP asking this question. If you consider yourself to be a good woman then you have to believe that there are good men–Godly Men- still left on this planet. You have to believe that you don’t have to find them, but God will allow them to find you in due season. You have to stand on the word of God and know he will never leave you or forsake you [Hebrews 13:5 NRSVA]. Whatever promises he has spoken will come to pass. STAND on his word! There are Godly Men still left on this Planet!

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5 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF AFTER A BAD BREAK-UP

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First, I want you to know that you are not alone. Many people have suffered from bad break-ups – sometimes several bad break-ups; some have endured more than they would like to admit. After going through such pain, you have to ask yourself: Why? Why are you going through continuously toxic relationships and entering into them with wrong people? What are you learning from each of these experiences? The most important part of these situations is that you are gaining knowledge of yourself and that you are healing from each person that has hurt you before you pursue another relationship.
Healing takes time and going into something or involving yourself with someone new while broken or fragmented will only yield the same results. What are you doing to change your situation? What is God teaching you? I am a firm believer that God teaches us something from every situation we encounter and that there is a lesson in each experience.
Ask yourself:

  • Is the situation good or bad?
  • Is it a result of me following God’s will or my own will?
  • Or is it just a circumstance of life?

Why? The reason is that God is a teacher and He loves to teach us through experiences that will help us become better people; that will help us grow into His vision of us.
After a bad break-up, it is very important to reflect on what caused the relationship to be unhealthy. In most cases, relationships that end badly also started the same way. Evaluating your association will help you have a better understanding of why you participated in the relationship, in which areas you need to improve yourself, and what mistakes to avoid repeating in the future.
If you are like me, you don’t want to continuously experience the same awful cycles that often are the root cause of toxic relationships. Participating in back to back relationships and seeing the same results each time shows you that you are in a cycle!
In order to break free from the train ride of doom and set new standards for yourself, you need to ask yourself these 5 questions:
 1. What red flags did I decide to look past?
You should never go into any relationship with your feelings or emotions leading the way. By letting yourself be led by emotions, you become a target for deception. Being controlled by your feelings is equivalent to walking into a relationship blind. There are always red flags as to why someone isn’t good for you, and if you are not sober enough to recognize those flags, you will end up in a relationship that is based off your need for comfort and company.
 2. What part of me is broken that caused me to entertain wrongful company?
I’m going to piggyback off of the previous point. More often than not, people who are broken are willing to forsake the truth for comfort and company; they want to combat their loneliness. This reality can stem from a number of factors such as: lack of identity, insecurity, and unhealed wounds from past relationships. It is important to discover which areas of your soul still craves disastrous attention in order to uncover why you choose the mates that you do.
 3. Am I insecure?
The role of insecurity is to make you think you deserve less than what God wants for you; what He wills you to be. Insecurities block you from knowing and recognizing your worth. A person that is insecure will pursue and accept the wrong relationships. A secure person, in contrast, will understand that they are worth the wait, the pursuit, and will always uphold standards that they have set for themselves.
 4. Am I aware of my purpose?
If you are not aware of your purpose and your calling, you will more than likely date whoever seems most attractive. Those who understand their purpose will only entertain relationships that will comply with their calling on this earth. For example, if you desire to travel to many destinations over the course of your life, it wouldn’t be wise to begin a relationship with someone that does not like to fly in airplanes. Continuing to date someone that doesn’t match your future goals and God’s will is simply a waste of your time and theirs.
 5. Who am I?
This is a question that most people are not able to answer truthfully. I cannot stress enough the importance of knowing who you are before pursuing a relationship. Not knowing your identity will only hinder your association and cause more harm than good. If you are struggling to answer this question with detail and substance, you should honestly wait to pursue anyone other than God. The pursuit of God will uncover the answer to the most crucial question there is: Who Am I?
Now I admonish you to see the bright side of your break-up and make it work in your favor. Stop putting yourself through an endless cycle! It’s time to get off the roller coaster and focus on you. Answer the 5 questions listed and do the work needed to become your best self before deciding to share your heart with another again.

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Single and Suffering: How One Woman's Physical Battles While Single Changed Her Life

 In our season of singleness God can do a deep work in us, if we allow Him to. Rachel Deitrick is an accountability coach at Married and Young. Prior to this, Rachel experienced the trial of her life when she developed an autoimmune disease. Rachel’s body would trigger false allergic reactions whenever she ate food. After losing an immense amount of weight and feeling that things were never going to change, Rachel contemplated suicide. However, this illness allowed Rachel to strengthen her relationship with God, gain a passion for a writing and become a source of encouragement for those desiring Godly relationships !

Habiba Abudu (HA) : What was life like prior to your stomach illness ?

Rachel Deitrick (RD) : It was Spring 2013 and I just transferred to Arizona State University to pursue a Bachelor’s Degree in Family and Human Development. I was working full time and dating my boyfriend of seven years.

HA : When did you start to notice that you had health issues ?

RD : One day I had a severe allergic reaction to food that I’ve eaten. My allergic reaction offset the pH balance in my stomach which caused me to have acid reflux. The acid reflux became severe over time and caused ear infections. Ear problems can happen if the stomach is not producing the right amount of acid. The reflux was addressed with over the counter medications and the ear infections were addressed with antibiotics. The combination of over the counter medications with prescription antibiotics was too much for my body to handle at once. This resulted in my digestive system being destroyed.

HA : How did your illness affect your life ?

RD : My body could not properly digest food. This was because my stomach and intestinal lining was eaten away from acid reflux, medications and antibiotics. Starving myself was not an option, so I tried to eat small amounts of food. My body began to think that food was a threat. I developed an autoimmune disease known as leaky gut and my body would attack itself every time I ate or drank anything. I would get a false allergic reaction to any food that I consumed. My throat would feel as though it was closing up whenever I put food in my mouth. The feeling of my throat closing up was terrifying. I didn’t understand what was happening and doctors didn’t either. I began to lose weight and developed an eating disorder. I was terrified of food. My doctors told me I was crazy and that I needed counseling. I became extremely depressed due to being sick, frustrated, and scared. Due to my illness, my body was completely deprived of the nutrition it needed in order to function properly.

HA : Can you discuss your period of depression and not wanting to live anymore ?

RD : My body was slowly shutting down and I did not want to live. I broke up with my boyfriend because I was so depressed. I also quit working and going to college. There were countless days where I laid in bed with no desire to get up. I was completely hopeless and thought my health would never improve. Since, I lost so much weight and looked anorexic, I began to struggle with a negative body image. I wanted to end my life.

 

HA : You started to write. What prompted you to write ?

RD : My depression. I was going crazy with all of these negative thoughts I had about myself and life in general. Writing became my therapy. Eventually, I started writing ideas for blog entries and planned to start my own blog.

Once I had experienced major improvements in my health, I was unexpectedly given the opportunity to write for a magazine. The blog entries that I had been working on turned into magazine articles. I began writing for Stellar Day Magazine in January 2016. My articles have been opportunities for me to share what God has been doing in my life. I am currently writing my first book that helps singles position themselves to be found.

HA : How were you able to make a comeback from your illness ? Did you make any changes to your lifestyle ?

RD :  I asked God for His help. After my sickness, I had an epiphany. My sickness, although unbearable, was an invitation from God. Through my trial, He was inviting me to fix my gaze upon Him, to not be afraid, and to trust Him with every ounce of my being.

It was amazing how God revealed to me what exactly was wrong with my body when doctors couldn’t. For example, baseball player Kameron Loe helped me. I met Kameron through my step brother. Kameron allowed me to use his machine that cost thousands of dollars. The machine used electromagnetic waves that removed heavy metals and toxins. I did a couple of treatments with Kameron’s machine.

My healing took time because my body had to rebuild its digestive system. I made changes in my diet. I now eat a diet that follows Paleo and Whole30 food options. I also began to use supplements such as probiotics, digestive enzymes, and essential oils.

HA : Finally, what advice would you give to those going through a difficult situation ?

RD : Never give up, even on your worst days. Ask God to help you through your situation. Before I made the decision to take my life, I decided to cry out to God one last time. God had to let me experience the pain so that my faith and dependence on Him would be strengthened. Through my depression, I developed my passion of writing. If you are experiencing a difficult situation, what if that difficulty has been sent to you as an invitation to trust the One that can help you through it ?

 
 

What work is God doing in your season of singleness ?

 
 

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#1 Thing Singles Are Neglecting To Do

Singles are doing this thing all wrong! Yes, it’s great to fellowship with other believers and it’s even honorable to pray without halting, but there is something missing in your season of waiting on your spouse. Let me help you with what you’ve been neglecting to do.
When I was single… I would pray for God to display the dark areas in my life that had been concealed. I didn’t specifically pray for a mate but I prayed that God would grant me somebody that aligned with his word. I also had crazy faith that God would give me the desires of my heart.
Sometimes my faith would waver through doubt and fear. I heard a song that stated that you will have what you declare and decree. I believed that with my whole heart. So, I declared and decreed I would be married. Guess what? That’s exactly what God did. He blessed me with a mate.
Are you speaking what you desire into the atmosphere? Do you realize the power that lies within you?
Genesis 1:1-2 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. [NKJ]
Your single season is a period of new beginnings. A place where God establishes a new thing within you. You are formless so he’s able to shape and mold you into the person he destined you to be. As his Spirit hovers of you a metamorphosis occurs deep within you.
If you keep reading Genesis Chapter 1, you’ll find that God speaks things in to existence. Those things were already there, but they hadn’t manifested into the physical realm because it wasn’t time.
Speak into the atmosphere that you desire a mate. Watch God manifest what you have spoken in due season. You’ve been given authority to speak the very thing you desire. Take your position serious because he has given you something he knew you could handle.
If you desire a godly mate–speak it into the atmosphere. Let what you speak be good. Let it be aligned with God’s will. What you declare and decree will come to pass.
Let’s pray:
I declare and decree that what you desire will manifest at the opportune time. That God will blow your mind. Your mate will be more than what you prayed for. I pray that you not mishandle the blessing but that you continue to seek the counsel of the Lord. I pray that you throw away your expectations and set practical standards in place. I pray that your standards align with the plans that God has for your life.  I pray that your heart be filled with joy as you watch your love story unfold. In Jesus name, Amen!

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5 Things You Need More Than a Husband

I know, it’s the season where everyone is getting engaged and married, so now you’re down in the dumps because you’re still single. Girl please.. say goodbye to the misery because what you need more than a husband are these FIVE things:
 1. Girlfriends. You need a solid group of friends that you can laugh with, you can cry with, you can pray with and you can travel with. When you’re busy making memories, the fact that you aren’t married will become less of a focus for you.
 2. Purpose. What are you passionate about? Make that your focus. Don’t know what you’re passionate about? Try some new things- a bunch of new things, until you discover something that you’re crazy about. Purpose is what gives your life meaning, not marriage.
 3. Self-Worth. Listen to me, if you don’t have self-worth, you’ll be single for the rest of your life….. well maybe that was a stretch, you may not be single, but you’ll definitely be miserable. When you know your self-worth, you teach other people how to value you and how to treat you. When you lack self-worth, you basically are giving others permission to minimize your value. Sis, God said in Proverbs 3:15, that you’re more precious than rubies. Does that sound like a woman who lacks self-worth?
 4. A relationship with Christ. Need I say more? Well if I must, I’ll say this- God should be at the center of all we do. He is our foundation. You can choose to build on a solid foundation- God – or you can choose to build on a shaky foundation. It’s up to you. But I’m choosing the solid foundation for ever, Alex!
 5. Self-Love. What do you look like trying to have someone else fill up your love tank when you can’t even do it for yourself?  That’s so 2008. The late, great Whitney Houston said it best, “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all….” When you love yourself, you’ll never have to worry another day about feeling unloved and anybody that comes into your life, ready to love you, is just the toppings on top of an already good sundae.
Need more tips like this, find me on Instagram using the hashtag #AskKay

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Wait, a Relationship? Oh No, I’m Not Ready

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There are so many articles, blogs, and advice for all those willing and ready to get into a relationship. But what about those who just aren’t ready for a relationship? Well, this blog post is just for YOU!
I’m going to challenge you a little bit and ask why you aren’t ready to be in a relationship. Take some time and think about the questions below…

  • Is it simply that I don’t desire a relationship and I want to be a eunuch?
  • Is it simply that I believe I will never get married because there’s no one out there for me?
  • Is it simply that I hope I’m never given the opportunity to be in a relationship?

More than likely, you answered no to those questions. If you answered yes, you can still read the rest of this blog post…
I’ve noticed that when people say they’re not ready for a relationship, they usually desire a relationship but other factors cause them to “not be ready.” Now, sometimes it’s just not your season to date, and if you feel you’re not ready, it’s probably not your season. However, as you walk through this season, I want to open your eyes to a few factors that could be hindering your progress towards a season of being ready to date.

  1. Fear – This is one of the biggest reasons why people stay away from relationships. However, the only way to conquer fear is by intentionally doing the thing of which you are most afraid. Of course, make sure you are in a healthy place before being open to a relationship but also don’t allow fear to box you in.
  2. Insecurities – No one wants these but we all have them. Take some time while you are single to build your confidence and your self-esteem. This will help you choose a significant other soberly and attract the right person.
  3. Unhealed Broken Heart – Definitely one of the most painful life occurrences to walk through. However, you must allow your past to remain in your past. If you had a break up that ended badly and that is still controlling your present… you need more healing! Never allow your past to stir your future; close the door and keep moving!
  4. Father Wounds – The greatest investment a father can make for his children is being just that – a father (a real one). If you suffer from father wounds, definitely take time to walk through deliverance, but also learn to know God as Father. Center your devotion around this subject and allow God to work on your heart. This is one wound that can cause a lot of damage to relationships, so be intentional about healing it.
  5. Trust Issues – These are real and will keep you guarded and distant from people. However, I’m here to tell you that you’re not perfect… and neither is the person with whom you decide to enter a relationship. Red flags are real and you should heed them but you can’t build lasting relationships without trust. Look at yourself and recognize your own flaws; this will help you grant more mercy and grace to the one with whom you eventually enter into relationship.

Out of the five of these, which is your current struggle? Don’t be afraid to share; we all have our issues!
 

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Stop Waiting For Your Life to Start After You're Married

Singles, it’s time to focus on that project/business you always dreamed about ! Take it from successful entrepreneur Alexa Reynolds who specializes in photography, branding and web design. Reynolds birthed her company Virtuous Beauty after being in a couple of relationships that didn’t work out. Reynolds learned to make God her portion and encourage millennials with positive words, images and videos ! Read below to see how you can get started on your dream now ! 

 

Habiba Abudu (HA) : You share that you had opportunities of being married, what happened ?

 

Alexa Reynolds (AR) : Yes, I was almost engaged twice. Both times, the relationships ended  up falling apart due to lack of consistency and authenticity.

 

HA : How were you able to heal from those relationships not working out?

 

AR : It wasn’t easy. The first time was easier than the second, but both times hurt. To come so close to marriage twice, feeling like you’ve finally figured it out, then God reveals things, and it’s all over. The healing came through transparency with myself and God. I couldn’t sweep things under the rug and act like it didn’t happen. There were times when I sat on my bed and questioned God. I even became a little angry because I didn’t understand it all. God knew what he was doing though. Writing has always been an outlet for me too. Sharing on my blog what I was going through provided me with a sense of satisfaction. I also have a great group of sisters/friends and family who support me.

 

HA : Can you discuss how you were able to build your brand, Virtuous Beauty, during your season of singleness?

 

AR : Singleness is the perfect time to focus on the things that you’re passionate about. A lot of people think that you need to wait for marriage to walk in “purpose”… absolutely not! If I was married or in a relationship, I wouldn’t have half the time that I have now to work on my brand. I shifted my focus from relationships to pouring into Virtuous Beauty. There’s nothing like being able to come home to a quiet apartment and being able to brainstorm in peace. 

 

HA : Can you discuss some other ventures, you were able to pursue as a single ?

 

AR : Traveling with my girls is one of my favorite things to do. I love taking daily trips in my area. I also have been taking time to learn about MYSELF. It sounds funny but I learn something new about myself everyday.

 

HA : What has helped you develop confidence and joy in your season of singleness ?

 

AR : Fully knowing that I am in the hands of God. Before this realization, I struggled with comparing myself to others. As long as I am following God’s voice I know I am not missing out on anything that is supposed to be mine.

 

HA : What are some different ways that singles can build their relationship with God ?

 

AR : Spend time in His Word and with Him. You have all of the time in the world right now. I have many married friends who wished that they utilized the time that they had as a single. It can be as easy as sitting on the floor, playing music, and listening to podcasts. Also community… surround yourself with others who can pour into you.

 

HA : What advice would you give to those who want to enjoy their life, but can’t move past the fact that they’re single ?

 

AR : JUST DO IT – Marriage is not the answer to everything. When we begin to realize that the things we see on social media aren’t always what they appear to be, we will live much happier lives.

 

What business idea/project has God laid on your heart, comment below ! Don’t forget to share this article. 

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8 Consequences of Dating the Wrong Guy

There are tons of consequences that stem from dating the wrong guy. Some of us only know bad relationships so it becomes a perpetual cycle. But it’s time to break that cycle. Your heart, your destiny and purpose and your future deserves better than relationships with the wrong guys. Here are 8 consequences of dating the wrong guy:

  1. Wasted Time. Time is something that we can never get back so we have to be wise with how we use it. Staying in a relationship with a guy that you know you have no future with is a waste. If there is no future then cut your ties and move on.
  2. Delayed Promise. When you were born, God had a specific assignment for you to complete but if you’re entangled in the wrong relationship then it is possible to delay the promise on your life. Promise works best when you’re connected to right relationships.
  3. The Right Guy. When you’re trotting around with the wrong guy, the right guy can’t find you. Or if he does find you, he’ll think you’ve already been found. Now you’re delaying the chance of feeling true love.
  4. Broken Spirit. Being with the wrong person can leave you feeling hopeless. You’ll feel like you’ll never be found by the right person. Having a broken spirit often leaves you feeling blah about life and your future.
  5. Trust Issues. Dating the wrong guy will have you doubting the right guy. Meaning, even if the right guy comes around, if you haven’t dealt with the consequences of dating the wrong guy, you’ll try to make him pay for another man’s mistakes. And that’s not fair.
  6. Soul Ties. You formed these ungodly emotional connections that last long after the relationship is over. I call it residue. Soul ties are like residue. You may not be in that relationship anymore but your heart still is and until you sever that tie, you’ll won’t be able to have a healthy connection to the right guy.
  7. Broken-Heart. Because you’ve allowed yourself to form a bond with this person and you now have an emotional connection, when the relationship ends you will be left with a broken heart. This broken heart could have been avoided if you would’ve heeded to the signs when they were first shown to you. It’s enough stuff out here to break our hearts, let’s not put ourselves intentionally in a situation of heartbreak.
  8. It turns you into a serial dater. You’ve dated the wrong guy, now you’re so fixated on finding someone “better” that you’re in and out of relationships. Sometimes the best thing for you to do is to sit still. Heal your heart and allow God to be in charge of your love life.

 

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2 Signs That You’re Ready to Date

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The question for today… Are you ready to date? There are so many articles, blogs, podcasts and even sermons that focus on dating. It can be an information overload to your brain. It can be difficult trying to figure out when it’s the appropriate time to date. In all honesty, only you will know when you’re ready to date. It will be a private moment between you and God.
Here are 2 ways to help you decide if you are ready to date:
1. You know your identity
When you look in the mirror; do you know who you are? You have royalty inside your DNA. Created by the most High King. Genesis 1:27 So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them. You were created on purpose for a purpose. Your identity lies within that secret place of where your Heavenly Father created you. Do you understand your identity? That you’re unique. You are destined for greatness because of what God downloaded on the inside of you. You have purpose, passion and power. Every promise that God has spoken over your life will manifest at the opportune time. Embrace your outer beauty. Thank God for your inner beauty. You are beautiful! Know your identity. Don’t let the enemy block you from knowing who you are.
2. “Aha” Moment of Purpose
Have you experienced that aha moment yet? That aha moment of when you discover your God given purpose. Visit that painful place in your life. The place that caused you to see yourself differently. Pain makes us run. The very place you’re running from dealing with is the place that your purpose lies. Pain births purpose. Purpose births passion. Passion births Power. When all three collide the promises of God manifest in your life. You will see the glory of God revealed in your life. You will run out of your past into your destiny full force. That aha moment will bring revelation to your purpose in life.