Category: Communication

If there is one thing the enemy hates and does not want you and your spouse to prosper in, is oneness. He came out of communion and unity with the Father when he was cast out of heaven. Our communion and unity with God, and our unity and communion with our spouse, is a constant reminder of something he does not have.
 
Oneness, unity, and agreement is a powerful tool the lord has given believers. He says wherever two or three are are gathered in His name, He will be there (Matthew 18:20). So, what that means is that  anytime you and your spouse are together, and the name of Jesus is on your lips and in your hearts, God is there. Satan hates that! If the presence of God is there, then that means arguing, contention, and fighting will not be. he desires that you be in a constant state of disagreement.
 
The Bible says “how can two walk together lest they agree? (Amos 3:3). So, you know what the enemy is after, your agreement. He knows that  if you do not come into agreement under the power and guidance of the Holy Spirit you will walk apart. When you are apart, not just physically, but in belief, in position, and in understanding, the enemy can feed you lies, like he did in the Garden to eve.
 
Agreement does not necessarily mean thinking the same on every little thing. it means making a conscious decision to walk as one on the big things. Things like:
 
1.Divorce not being is an option.
2.Always talking through things, instead of holding them in.
3.Always walking in forgiveness.
4.Always Making the marriage a priority, not our own emotions or desires.
5.Having similar goals and views about children and family.
 
Take time out to create major components of how you will govern your marriage and family, come into agreement with those things, and when the enemy tries to come and bring confusion or lack of focus, quickly get back on the same page!
 
If you and your spouse are constantly in disagreement or not walking together, try the following things.
1.Praying together daily.
2.Doing a daily devotion.
3.Having sex at least three times a week.
4.Getting counseling.
5.Walking through unresolved issues.
 

It is a known and accepted  fact that 100% of married couples find themselves disagreeing about an issue at some point in their relationship. There is nothing wrong with conflict, because according to Dr. Gary Smalley, “conflict is a normal part of any relationship, the key is to learn how to resolve them without emotional injury.”
 
When my wife and I began to encounter our first round of conflict during the beginning of our marriage, I immediately learned that the true test of resolving without hurting our relationship wasn’t while we were in the “conflict ring,” but how we prepared outside of the “conflict ring.”
 
Before an argument or issue arose, we discussed, determined, and prepared how we would resolve the conflict with the end result being us learning more about one another, versus destroying one another. I call it, preparing while sober.
 
We came to an agreement of the things we didn’t want to see happen as a result of conflict. I learned my wife hates the silent treatment, and being made to look like the bad person. She learned that I don’t like destructive words, yelling, or attempting to push the issue under the rug.
 
Discussing these things while emotionally sober helped us to have an expectation and an agreed understanding of how to guard one another during conflict without hurting each other.
 
Now, how does that play out when the heat is on, emotions are high, and someone is upset in your marriage? You better believe it took many “practice” rounds for my wife and I until we learned that we must play by the rules.
 
Here are 3 ways to prepare for conflict so you’ll never have to sleep on the couch:
 
1. Find out what hurts each other the most during times of conflict.
We are all created differently, which means different things will affect us at different levels. By sitting down with your spouse and learning how conflict affects them and what hurts them the most, you will then know what not to do during moments of conflict.
 
2. Come to an agreement of what you will not do during times of conflict.
You need to create a “win-win” for your times of conflict by establishing agreements. It is these agreements that will help you fight fair. For my wife and I, we have an agreement that no matter what, we will never separate ourselves at night due to a disagreement. I also agreed to never raise my voice or hand at her no matter the situation. What are some agreements you and your spouse can establish to ensure you fight fair?
 
3. Don’t forget you’re on the same team.
When you enter into a time of conflict, you must not forget that you’re not fighting each other, but your fighting the issue that’s trying to come between you.  You and your spouse are on the same team, even though you may feel at times that your spouse is against you. Do not allow pride to get into your heart causing you to view your spouse as your enemy. You’re on the same team! Fight the good fight!
 
 
Now, you may be reading this and you and your spouse are right in the middle of an unresolved conflict that’s now causing emotional strain in your marriage. I encourage you to seek outside help from a counselor or pastor. Don’t wait for one of you to give in, but agree that peace in your home must be more valuable than waiting to prove someone wrong. Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.”