Month: August 2016

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Marriage & Ministry: 7 Things I've Learned About Being Called to Both

You will often hear people say that your marriage is your number one ministry or that your marriage should be a ministry. So how do you balance both, how do you manage your calling to serve as a leader in the body of Christ and yet be an effective wife or husband, mother or father? I have been doing this for almost 5 years now and these are some of my thoughts.

  1.  You were called before your spouse came -(in most cases) I had a calling before my husband came, marriage has made my calling easier and has enhanced my assignment. Early, we decided that my husband would  focus on building our family financially.  The first 3 years of marriage, while I traveled the nation teaching and preaching,  he would come when he  could,  but our priority was to stabilizing our young family.Both of what we were doing was kingdom work and it was holy unto the lord.  He enhanced my call by allowing me to continue what God had called me to do while he sacrificed. He too was called at that point, but knew we had to work together to make sure both what God had called us to do was manifesting. We both now pastor together, he helps oversee my business and he works full time in a field which is pushing him towards his life dreams.
  2. When your marriage is healthy, your family is healthy and your ministry is healthy-Frustrations in marriage will often show up in ministry, do not be afraid to step down and minister to your spouse and take care of your marriage. Ministry will always be there, but your marriage may not be. When your marriage is healthy, your children will be healthy and what you do as a team will be much easier as you walk in agreement.
  3. All is Holy Unto the Lord- My ministry is not just how well I teach or preach but how will I love my mate, it is how well we love our children, it is how will we manage our finances and care for those who need us. Ministry is not just what happens on the road or on Sunday morning  it is how God is glorified in everything we do. Can people see God through your marriage? Is Jesus Glorified because you and your spouse are together?
  4. You are Your Spouse’s Advocate and Cheerleader– This is your other half,  if ever you begin to follow the lead of others and not your partner it will cause a rift in your marriage. It is your responsibility to fight for your spouse even if they are not in “traditional” ministry. Celebrate them and encourage them to be themselves. Never put other people’s opinions of how you should do ministry or life without considering your spouse.
  5. Our ministries Do Not Have to be the Same-  I have learned that our differences even in our walk with God is what makes us a great couple. Your spouse’s walk does not need to look like yours for you to learn from them. My husband is always teaching me. Always be willing to learn from your spouse.
  6. Discern Seasons- There will be seasons to raise babies which means less ministry time sometimes. There maybe seasons to work on the marriage, their maybe seasons to build the kingdom , their maybe seasons to get your finances together, whatever you do make sure that you always do it together. Let everyone find their part and work together, make no room for the enemy. Realize that seasons are just what they are, seasons. You will not always be there. Push through together and go from there.  Always walk in agreement and it will be well.
  7. Have One Vision-  The number one thing the enemy is after in your life is your agreement. He does not want you to walk in oneness so create a vision for your marriage and assess it early. Make short term goals and long term goals, this helps both of you keep in mind what is important. Make sure the goals and visions cover you guys emotionally, financially and spiritually.

Categories
Marriage

Marriage Hacks: 6 Keys to Ensure a Healthy & Happy Marriage

1) Have realistic expectations.
We know our spouse isn’t perfect, so why do we act so surprised when they give us proof they’re not perfect? We must accept there will be hard times, and some days will be less stellar than others.
Here are some reasonable expectations for your marriage:

  • We will be faithful to one another
  • We will be honest with one another.
  • We will be patient with one another.
  • We will serve one another.

2)  Focus on self-improvement, not spouse improvement.
Be the kind of spouse you’re looking to have. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • How can I communicate better?
  • How can I show more respect?
  • How can I bring out the best in him/her?
  • How can I better serve him/her?

3) Get a plan for working through conflict. 
We’re all different. We all process and handle things differently. We all come in broken and we must have a plan to work through conflict to ensure a healthy God-honoring marriage. Here are some ways to handle conflict positively:

  • Assume the best. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt.
  • Seek first to understand, then to be understood. LISTEN! Hear what they’re meaning. Not just what they’re saying.
  • Respect your spouse’s style of processing. Give yourselves a few minutes to process, then come back. And before you re-enter the conflict, take a moment to pray for one another.
  • Be quick to say “I’m sorry”.
  • Be quick to forgive.
  • Address issues without attacking.
  • Don’t go to bed angry.

4) Follow God’s plan, not the worlds pattern.
Marriage should be a place of grace and truth. It’s not all about a huge fancy ceremony. Take the time to truly invest in maintaining your marriage.
5) Never stop growing in communication.
Be very intentional about building a culture of open, honest and respectable communication with your spouse. No matter how good you become at this, never become complacent. There’s always room for improvement.
6) Resolve that quitting is not an option!
This is the key. No matter what happens, REFUSE TO QUIT! This is the key to divorce proofing your marriage! We live in a world that’s all about the flavor of the moment and many treat marriage the same way. Realize that when you choose to stand before your spouse, you’re not only making a commitment to them, but you’re also making a covenant before God. Always honor both that commitment and that covenant.
These hacks are by no means all-encompassing; however, if you take advantage of them, your marriage will definitely benefit. I know mine has!
 
 

Categories
Parenting

3 Ways to Affirm Your Children

Cute father and son playing together at the park

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I am familiar with the path of parenting. One of the most powerful parenting tools is the power of affirmation.
God the Father affirmed His Son Jesus in Luke 3:22, setting the pace for Jesus’ earthly ministry to fulfill the will of the Father. What we say over our children carries a lot of weight because our words shape our children into the people that God wants them to be. Those words should be a reflection that they are fearfully and wonderfully made sons and daughters of the King (Psalm 139). Asking God for eyes to see our children through His eyes helps us, as parents, to speak words of truth into our children’s lives.
Along the way, I have learned that children are like sponges that soak up the messages that are spoken. They need regular encouraging, inspiring, and uplifting words. The messages that we speak over our children have the potential to lead them closer to God or cause them to pull away from their God-given value. By simply saying, “I love you, I am pleased with you, and I pray God’s absolute best for your life” speaks volumes to children to help launch them on their path of purpose and destiny.
Here are 3 things that I have learned that every parent can do to positively affirm their children:

  1. Set aside time each day to affirm your children. Spend valuable time to speak words of blessings over your children. I’ve found that these meeting times with my daughter are filled with love and powerful moments that navigate the course of her future. It is during these times that I am guiding her with my affirmation to consider all the great things that God wants to do through her to be a blessing.
  1. Affirm your children in front of others. Speaking affirming words and special blessings openly lets your children know that you value and honor them. Using family time is a great time to speak and pray blessings over your children! When I speak openly about my daughter, I share the greatness I see within her, how God will use her as a vessel of honor, and encourage her to continue pursuing God’s plan for her life.
  1. Surprise them. Random acts of love and kindness mean doing something awesome that your children were not expecting. It speaks to their hearts as affirmation. Taking my daughter on unplanned day trips, lunches to her favorite restaurant, or to special events that she has talked about shows my appreciation, letting her know that I am proud of the godly young woman that she is becoming.

Our children are destined to do great things for God! What other ways can you think of to affirm your children?

Categories
Dating/Courting

3 Things Not to Do on a Double Date

holidays, vacation, love and friendship concept - smiling couple having fun in city

It was early on into our dating relationship.
Scene set: Friday night, dinner and game night – a few rounds of Taboo at my house that suddenly went south.
As we had not experienced many double dates up to this point, we both unknowingly seized the opportunity to rally the support of the other couple to each other’s side regarding recent disagreements. Fortunately, we were able to recognize our actions and redirect the conversation to save a fun night with friends.
Here are some guidelines of things NOT to do when you begin double dating with other couples:
1. Spend the whole time on your phone
This should go without say – date or not – but chances are, you are looking for some human interaction that both you and your significant other can enjoy. Leave the virtual reality for a later time on your own.
2.  Over display your physical and emotional affections for your significant other.
If your touches make others around you feel uncomfortable, save it for later! Be mindful of your physical exchanges while in the company of others and how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. We get that you love each other, just don’t overdo it in public.
3. Use this time as a battle ground to prove who was right.
Don’t allow this to be a time to bring up past arguments in an attempt to rally more troops on your side. Remember what this night is about and don’t waste time airing out dirty laundry over past disagreements.
 
Have you experienced any double date night horrors?
How did you and your significant other save the day [or you didn’t]?

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

Is the Proverbs 31 Woman Even Real?

The first few times I read through Proverbs 31 were not intentional. Most of my understanding of her came from others. When I finally decided to intentionally look into this woman – I quickly closed my bible and said, “Umm yea, this woman is not real, I can’t relate.” Why? Well for one, I don’t like to cook or clean, I appreciate my sleep, I don’t know how to sew (takes me 30 minutes just to get the thread in the needle head), and at that time in my life, I was working and in school full-time (do people still farm? – don’t judge me I’m a city girl). I just didn’t have a connection with or understanding of this infamous woman.
Fast forward a few years; I found myself married with a beautiful baby girl. I always had a desire to support my home and serve my husband and children but when it came time to doing it, let’s just say a girl struggled just a little bit in a few areas. My attitude about it all wasn’t always the best either. To make matters worse, my areas of struggle were directly related to my husband’s #1 love language, acts of service.
Ugh! The reality of being a Proverbs 31 woman just didn’t seem realistic or appealing. So what I did is what I always do when I face challenges in life, go to my papa – God!  
After years of skipping and glazing over chapter 31 of the book of Proverbs. I finally decided to not just read but study the chapter with intention and purpose. What I discovered was amazing and within a day’s time, my heart, attitude and perspective of this woman changed. I’m delighted to be able to share my revelation with you on who the Proverbs 31 (P31) woman really is.
1. She’s not a real woman: What? Yea, seriously. I used to think she was a real woman just nameless like the Woman at the Well. However, the P31 woman was a description of a woman, King Lemuel’s mother gave to teach him as a young boy the qualities to look for in a wife. This truth freed me of comparison. Every quality I struggled with didn’t make me less than, now I just saw them as areas I had the opportunity to grow in.
2.  She was actually single: Think about it. King Lemuel’s mother was actually referring to single women since these were qualities she encouraged her son to look for in a future wife. Sooooo…. that means becoming a proverbs 31 woman starts while single not when you say “I do.” (Oops… I sorta missed that memo but I’m getting it together now). I find that many single women view the P31 woman as something they become in the future if/when they get married and have children but nope, this is for the now preparing for later.
 3. She’s a Queen: The description of the P31 woman wasn’t just about any ol’ housewife who wore an apron all day. She was royalty! We’re talking about the wife-to-be of a king, remember? She’s a Queeeen! (She’s Your Queeeeen lyrics from Coming to America just popped in my head. Ha!). She was helping her king run a kingdom. A Queen knows her position, value and authority in her kingdom.
4.  She’s a BOSS:   This point is my favorite! The P31 woman loved God and her family but she was also about her business literally. For whatever reason, she is typically coined as a wife and mother who domestically serves her home and family, but after categorizing each verse her qualities are equally divided.  1/3 of her qualities were about her soul and her relationship with God, another 1/3 focused on her domestic abilities to manage and support her home and family, and the final third showed that she was business-wise and entrepreneurial. This woman didn’t just sit at home cooking and cleaning all day. Nope! She was also using her gifts, talents and expertise to bring in income for her family. However, she was balanced and prioritized while doing it all. I was excited to see the importance of this quality in her life. I’m all about pursuing purpose and using our gifts as women.
As cliché as the Proverbs 31 woman might be to some, she is truly a woman I strive to be. A woman of God who fully understands her worth and value, happily married, with successful relationships with her husband, children and community but yet a wise and a bomb business woman.

Categories
Marriage

5 Steps to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage

Praying Couple

I visited a church recently where the pastor told me, “Our church is facing an epidemic. Six or seven of our couples are getting divorced.” I was astonished. More than that, though, I was hurt. I would never condemn or judge a couple facing divorce. I’ve actually walked with couples in the middle of divorce and I have never heard such brokenness.
I have heard the pain of divorce being compared to death—because, in a way, it is.
Most of the people I know who have endured divorce had legitimate reasons to pursue it. I’m not talking to the people who have wept, agonized, and sought God’s face in marital crisis. This article is for before we reach that point.
Divorce should have never become trendy in Hollywood. But it is. Divorce should have never become a symbol of liberty and newfound identity, because marriage should do that. One of the unfortunate things about divorce is when a person entertains it as an option. A seed is planted.
These are five things that every individual should do before divorce ever becomes an option.

  1. Pray and listen. Don’t just present your case to the Lord without intending to listen. (This isn’t really prayer; it’s more like a monologue that the Lord listens in on). As in every area of our Christian walk, we want to be led by the Holy Spirit. Listen-to that still, small voice. Listen-to what He says in His Word. Listen-to godly council in your life.
  2. Fast. Fast for your spouse. Fast for your destiny. Fast for your marriage. When we fast, we smother the worldly appetites of the flesh and apprehend our souls to communion with Christ. Fasting will expose selfish motives and align us rightly with God’s ways. Carnality will be under the knife in a devoted fast.
  3. Get counseling. This is one of the first things people think of, but it is extremely effective. Finding another married couple with years of experience to mentor you is a great way to see what you haven’t been able to on your own. As many great marriage counselors say, even if your spouse won’t go with you, you should at least go. This brings me to the next point…
  4. Look at yourself. When someone we love was in the middle of a huge marital crisis, my wife told the woman, “This isn’t a marriage problem. There are deep issues that need to be looked at; the marriage is a byproduct.” Is this a marriage problem or a me problem? I believe in personal revival. From a broad perspective, true revival, where Christ’s Kingdom saturates every man, woman, girl, and boy, begins when I look at my need for Christ and respond. In marriage, what toxic thoughts, words, or deeds am I pouring into the marriage?
  5. Fight! Don’t go down easy! Before divorce becomes a possibility, fight against hell’s war on marriage! Spiritual warfare is a crucial part of a Christ-centered marriage. Use your heavenly resources to fight for and protect “what God has joined together!” (Matthew 19:6) I know it hurts. I know there was fault on his or her part. I believe people when they say they pleaded and prayed for God to save the marriage! Now, before being driven to the courthouse steps, stand on God’s purpose for your marriage! Pray that the devourer (Satan) will be forced back and that the Lord would reveal any hidden bitterness. Remind the enemy Whose you are and that you believe in Godly marriage!

Yes, divorce is real and it’s taking out thousands of marriages. Let us be found standing and believing that God’s beautiful plan for marriage will stand, and that our marriages will spark a marriage revival—where divorce has no name.
 
 

Categories
Finances Home

2 Ways You Are Sabotaging Your Business

Young mixed race woman smiling while standing in the door of her cafe with her arms folded proud to be the owner of a small business

by Calandra Thompson  & Culus Williams
We are predestined with purpose before we are born into this world. God positioned us for the post that he had already promised. God has given each of us gifts to edify the body of Christ and to glorify his name.
God has given some of us the entrepreneur spirit to start our own business. Not everyone is graced to have this gift. People with this gift seek to be game changers in a particular business field. You were born with the gift to change the game.
1 Peter 4:10 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. (NIV)
The gift that God has given you isn’t for you but it’s to serve his people. Through you, other people will be blessed and inspired to continue on this journey we call life. Sometimes we allow our flesh to rise above our God given talents. Here are two ways you might be sabotaging your business.
1. Customer Service
The way your customers are treated can make or break your business. Every employee, including the owner should have some type of customer service training. Customer service is the important factor that sets your business apart from the competitors. Your staff should be friendly, knowledgeable, and available to meet the needs of the customers.
Poor customer service leaves a bad impression on the customer. The customer may even write a bad review online or post a status on their Facebook page that just may go viral. Be careful that you’re treating each client with dignity and respect. Your business will continue to thrive if you’re maintaining good customer relations.
2. Cut it
We have found that many small business owners choose to offer a similar product to their competitors but at a higher cost. “Your price is way too high, you need to cut it!” If you’re creating bars of soap don’t attempt to sell one bar of soap for $25.00. When the consumer could go to Wal-Mart and purchase 8 bars for $6.00. Think about the demographics and the community you are servicing. Then ask yourself, “Would you pay this amount for the product?” If your answer is “NO” then you need to cut the price.
We understand that your business needs to make a profit. As a business owner it’s your job to keep the production cost as low as possible. Then you have to figure out how much the customer will be willing to pay for the service. Then, the product that you’re offering must be valuable to many not just a few.  
We are glad that God has given you the gift of entrepreneurship. We also want you to be successful in the business that God has placed on your heart. We don’t want you to self-sabotage yourself or the business. We want your business to grow and bless the people that God has connected to you on purpose for a purpose. Remember, your business is the way you serve God and his people.

Categories
Dating/Courting Marriage

The Superpower Every Man Needs From Their Woman

Flirting young African American woman pursing her lips for a kiss and caressing the face of a handsome man in glasses as they enjoy a date together

“The Lord God said “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” Genesis 2:18

Did you know God created women with superpowers? Well, he did. When God created us, he gave us special capabilities to HELP the men in our life progress….and on the flip side, regress!

When I think of a “helper”, I think of someone willing to do what it takes to ensure the goal is met. Someone who is encouraging, speaks positively, and uplifts the one he/she is helping.  The problem is, women are often associated with the terms “nagging” and “complaining” (in our defense, some of us are just stating what we see). Anywho, my point is God equipped us to assist our loved ones (males specifically) across their finish line(s). Problem is, some of us are killing them, their hopes, and dreams before they can reach them.
Proverbs 21:19 “ Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife” Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife”. Why would it be better for a man to live in a desert, rather than with his helpmate, who nags occasionally?  Question…Have you ever tried to work on something and a fly KEPT buzzing around you? How distracting did it become? How much more would you have been able to accomplish had the fly NOT been around.

The same goes for being a helpmate. Men need encouragement! Though they may never express it, they too struggle with insecurities, fears, possibilities and disappointments. To have someone constantly remind you of your shortcomings and failures has a way of killing what little hope was left.

Instead, I challenge those who are in relationships (married or courting) to use your superpowers for good, not evil! Lift the men in your life up, encourage them, remind them of the king that lives within, and watch their drive and motivation kick in! In my experience, men are most concerned with the opinion of those closest to them.
Ladies, with our words alone we have the power to EMPOWER, INSPIRE, PUSH and MOTIVATE our men to be EVERYTHING GOD CALLED THEM TO BE! There’s only one problem, many of us have grown accustom to sharing their flaws, killing their self-esteem and making them feel invaluable, which has the power to hinder them from completing the task they were ultimately sent here to complete.
These last few weeks have been eye opening to me. I’ve learned, the right amount of listening, encouraging, motivating and praying goes much further than my nagging!

Be encouraged.