Refusing the Generational Curse

I didn’t learn about generational curses until 5 years ago during a Deliverance service. Generational curses are negative things that follow a family for generations. It is a cycle of regrets, rejections, addictions, and pain. Though your marriage may seem perfect, there are curses that may follow you, if you allow them to.
Growing up, I was surrounded by dysfunctional relationships, including that of my parents. I saw the phony happiness as well as the blatant disrespect on both parts. How is a child ever to know what love is? In my eyes, love was not something I thought I’d ever have but I felt I needed. It scared me because I thought that if I sought love then it would hurt. And it did.
Love was treacherous for me from high school, when I first started (secretly) dating up to the time I met my husband. Even though I was not allowed to date, I snuck around and I am kind of glad that I did. I was able to get the ugly out of the way and now I have more time with the man made for me. I am not advocating pre-mature dating or disobedience. I should have listened to my mom but my stubbornness has helped as well as it has hurt me.
My generational curse was the idea that love was supposed to be “painful, difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary,” like Olivia Pope thinks it should be (Scandal Season 2). Love is supposed be the feeling of “peace in the middle of the storm,” being empty and full at the same time, being inexplicably happy, and yes extraordinary. But that wasn’t what I saw in my household or in the generations before my parents. I had to let go of the memory of my forefathers and embrace the vision God gave me.
Before getting married, I spent time studying 1 Corinthians chapter 7, where Paul discusses sex and marriage. I struggled with fornication and I wanted things to be perfect in my relationship. I studied and studied until I started to look past the sex aspect and learned that marriage is about sacrifices; it is about the positive bondage. I didn’t realize that this type of connection or “oneness” existed because it wasn’t anything I had ever experienced or witnessed. The “bondage” puts an end to that curse because it required me to cling to my spouse. I had to shake off the old single me AND the old curses I was raised under.
When I started attending church on a regular basis, I witnessed happy marriages. Spending time around marriages that were strong, broke the curse and created a blessing. I threw away the curse of brokenness and clung to unity. I am determined to have an 80 year marriage as crazy as it may seem. I had to combat the mistrust, the desire to give up, and the painful past in order to step into my future.