Categories
Dating/Courting Single

Don't Lose You While Dating Them!

Group of friends celebrating on the beach in LA. Concept about friendship, good mood and people

Written By: Tatianah Green
Dating can be exciting, nerve wrecking, and even grounds for a good (or bad) story to share with friends later. But, how many of us consider how we date? Dating in this generation has a bad rep, but when you consider how you personally want to date and your reasons behind it, you can secure the types of dates and people you want to date without compromising what you truly want in life and love.
 
Consider these thoughts as you go into your dating season:
 
Check your motives
 
What is your intention and motives for dating this person? I know this may seem a little early to some in the dating process, but in reality, you should have an idea of why you are dating and more specifically, interested in dating this person you are seeing. Are you dating because you’re lonely? Do you want to date because of outside pressures to get out more? Do you want to date with purpose to connect with a suitable mate?
 
In 2018, we can’t just wing it out here guys. We should move with pure motives and heart so we don’t lead anyone on for the sake of just wanting to go on dates. Remember that people are not experiments, but humans who desire and deserve the same things that you’re praying for.
 
Dating is not a competition or job interview
 
Despite what we see on TV, dating is not a competition. You’re one of a kind and so is your date.  When you’re competing in dating, you lose focus on the individual you’re getting to know and focus more on the win, whatever that looks like to you. A competitive mindset robs you of the opportunity to truly get to know people for who they are instead of seeing them as potential threats to your goal.
 
Competing also takes away from you, constantly having to “prove” your desirability or qualities to be someone worth dating. If you have to do all of this for someone’s attention, straining yourself to be seen or gain approval from this person, then they may not be for you.
 
Like a job we really want, we may exaggerate some skills and even create new credentials to fit the requirements for that job. This definitely applies in dating, where it’s so easy to stretch the truth because you’re still in the early stages of learning about each other. Be sure to ask real questions and answer questions honestly.
You don’t want to lie that you’re into something to please your date.
Remember that you’re on this date too and need to vet them to see if they are someone you’d truly want to get to know, not because they’re the most eligible bachelor or bachelorette.
 
Be you all ways, always
 
Dating usually goes well in the beginning because the daters get along, have good conversation, and are respectful to one another, aka polite. Are you sure you were on a date with the person as who they are and not their representative? You can ask yourself the same question. Of course, early on in dating you tend to bring it in the looks, outfit, smell goods, talking topics, etc. But does your date get to see you authentically?
 
You’ve come a long way to develop your sense of self, personality, humor, intellect, interest, and passions. So why dumb down for anyone who doesn’t agree with those aspects of you in order to feel desired or wanted? Is the fear of not getting a date worth losing yourself in the process?
 
It helps to be yourself and not be so anxious to meet your date’s needs, because you’re not made to please man, but to please God.
 
When you walk in your true identity in Christ, you won’t lack confidence to be who you are on your dates instead of putting up a facade. Being yourself is a beautiful risk, because being true to who you are and who you serve will show in your walk and talk. It will draw the right people or deter the wrong people.
 
Don’t dim your light for a first date to get a second date, or at any time for that matter. No matter where you are in your single and dating season, it is rewarding to be true to yourself, unapologetically.

Categories
Communication

How To Have A Successful 2018

Close-up Of A Businessperson Writing Schedule In Diary On Wooden Desk

Written by: Rachel Wright

  1. From overcoming to overflowing; how to successfully plan for a 

 
Whether you’ve had a really great year or a not so good year, you made it to the end of 2017. Whichever applies to you, I’m sure you have the expectation of having an even greater 2018. How might you have a better year? Simple. Successful planning is imperative.
 
“Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty.” Proverbs 21:5
 
When we fail to plan, we plan to fail. Sounds a bit cliché, huh? It’s actually biblical. We must be intentional about planning for an outstanding year and putting it all into action. A new year is approaching and you have a fresh start at planning out how you will be more productive in this year to come.
 
Here are some tips on planning for a successful and more productive year:
 
 

  • Write it out. Write the vision and make it plain. Get a new productivity planner, a wall calendar, a dry erase board, or utilize the applications in your latest iPhone. In the areas you lacked discipline, write out your step-by-step plan on how you’re going to be more productive.

 
 

  • Get Creative. It’s what you make it out to be. You’ve written out your plan, now its time to have a little fun! If you lack creative ideas, check out Pinterest—there’s a planning board waiting for you!

 
 

  • Revisit. Make a note to revisit your plans monthly or even quarterly to ensure that you’re on target.

 
 

  • Involve Community. Mentors and friends are imperative. It is best practice to have close friends who can help encourage you along the way to success. Let’s take it a step further: Having mentors for each area of your live is an even greater practice. Community is necessary.

 
 
 

  • Submit it to God. “There are many devices in a man’s heart; nevertheless the counsel of the LORD, that shall stand.” Proverbs 19:21 The most important step we must make in successful planning is to submit our plans to God. We must ensure that our plans align with the will of God for our lives.In doing this, we ensure that God’s grace and favor is on the steps that we take. Our steps are ordered by the Lord, so why wouldn’t we include the One who has given us an expected end? Jeremiah 29:11 lets us know that God’s plans are to prosper us and give us a hope and a future—an expected end. Submit your plans to God and watch them prosper!

 
 
 

  • Go. After you’ve written your plans, involved mentors who can hold you accountable, and submitted your plans to God, just do it! Put your plans into action and execute. What good is a plan if there is no follow through?

 
 
You’ve made it to the end of this post; therefore you have the steps to successfully planning for a productive year. You overcame 2017 and now it’s time to overflow—with milk and honey. You have power and authority over your destiny, so make 2018 count.
    
 

Categories
Dating/Courting

Could YOU Be The Reason Why You Are Still Single?

Written By: Jonnita Condra
 
As we close out the remainder of 2017, it is easy to slip into the mindset of, I’ll be single forever. But, before you allow yourself to get into an end of the year funk, I want to offer you some guidelines of reflection to consider as you enter into 2018.
 
1.) It is not time. I know it sounds cliche` and every single person out there is probably tired of hearing, “wait on God’s timing”, but the fact will always remain- God’s timing is just that…God’s timing. In his perfection, God orchestrated a divine timeline for your life, which means the story of your life was written before you were a person. Every detail of your life has been tailored to set you up for each moment that will proceed. What does this mean for you?
 
You need to be present in the present. Where God has you right now is your personal classroom where he has designed specific lessons for you to learn from. As a son or daughter of our Heavenly Father you have the responsibility of asking Him, “Father, what lessons do you want me to learn in this season?” As you seek him in this manner, you soften your heart to his correction and allow him to change you- ultimately making you the one.
 
I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations. – Jeremiah 1:5
 
2.) You still need to heal. My sisters and brothers in Christ, you have to heal. It is not God’s desire for you to continue carrying around the wounds of past hurts. Wholeness is your inheritance. Through wholeness we can receive the abundant life God intended for each one of his children. In your season of healing you have to surrender the broken pieces of your heart, mind, body and soul over to our Father.
Some of us have unknowingly been approaching relationships through a broken lens, hoping our partner will fix us. But God is the only one who can heal us and make us whole. There is a version of you God intended you to become that you have not even seen yet until you get to the other side of healing.
 
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. – Isaiah 43:18-19
 
3.) You have idolized marriage. If you have obsessed over being a husband or wife throughout this year, marriage has become your idol. And we all know, our Father will have no other gods before him.
 
Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. – Exodus 20: 3-4
 
Why does God forbid idols? One word. Protection. When we begin to worship anything that is not the Father himself, it leads to destruction—but when we worship God he replenishes us in every area that we lack. The danger of idolizing marriage is that we begin to lose sight of God and our eyes are then fixed on this idea of marriage and a partner being our source. When that source doesn’t fulfill us, it can leave us emptier than we began, but our father will never leave us empty when we seek him.
 
Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.” – John 4: 13-14
 
4.) Are you ignoring the relationships around you. It seems like the perfect fantasy to get “the one” and live out the fairytale life we’ve created in our minds. You know, that person we dream of to be ourselves with and we just relate. But what about your current relationships? Are you nurturing and cultivating your relationships with family and friends?
Maybe there is a relationship with a loved one God wants you to reconcile. Perhaps there is someone he has assigned you to minister to. Our ability to cultivate our present relationships sets the foundation for our future courtships and marriages. If we are dysfunctional now, it will open the door for dysfunction down the line.
 
I truly believe that God is building a generation of marriage that consists of two whole individuals   submitted to Christ. We are that generation, but we have a part to play and that means allowing God to mold us into his likeness- so we can birth the next generation and those to come.
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. – Philippians 1:6

Categories
Dating/Courting

3 Ways To Make Your Social Media More Attractive

Happy woman busy sending messages on smart phone email icons flying out of cellphone isolated on gray wall background. Telecommunications, internet, data plan concept

 
Written By: Casey Sharperson
Blog
Sliding into DMs (Direct Message for those wondering) is a thing. It’s referenced in song after song. Yet many [Christians] wonder if it truly is a feasible option to garner dates or if it’s just a means for a quick hookup. While it’s a debated topic, for the sake of this post let’s proceed with the thought that DMs really are a legit way to meet someone.

Why?
Options. Just about everyone is online. This means there’s an entire world outside of your immediate circle. (shocker) We’re a social age, why not let Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook be the vehicles God uses to be your matchmaker?
 
Now that you’re open, here are 3 ways to attract the right DMs. While these tips apply to both men and women, ladies, let the man pursue you!
 

  1. Show your personality – Your social media is your opportunity for people and potential dates to get a snapshot of your life and your perspective. When people click on your profile, how do you come across? Feel free to ask your friends, coworkers, or community this question. What would they think about you, if they didn’t know you? If you love traveling, do you post about it? If you enjoy sports, is that portrayed? If you’re into social change, post it!
  2. Be authentic – Don’t fall victim to the idea that you have to post certain things ust to attract a certain type of person. Folks are perceptive and can tell when you’re false advertising. What’s worse is when someone does approach you and realizes that you’re a completely different person offline than you are online. Let’s stop trying to be perfect and just be real. (That’s a word!)
  3. Post Publically – Yeah, you may want to keep your page and your posts private from your grandma or employer, but private pages don’t get views. You know, after meeting, one of the first things that people do is check their social media. What if you’re tagged in bomb photos but your potential future date can’t click on your handle to see more? Just something to consider…

 
Think of your social media as your online dating profile/resume for whoever wants to find you. When it’s a reflection of who you truly are, chances are high that you will attract someone who’s interested in the real you. Remember, Colossians 3:17 NIV says, “And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father”.
 
Let’s talk about it. Leave a comment about your DM experiences. Have they been positive, negative, poppin, or dry?
 

Categories
Communication

Does God Have Goals for My Life?

young casual black man wearing blue tshirt on white background

Writer:  Geovona Matamoros
 
Goal: the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end.

Goal-setting is a great way to have a clear vision for the life you want, but did you know there are goals that are set for us in the Bible?
 
There are biblical goals that every Christian should have. I think we all can agree that we should always be moving towards some sort of goal; maybe it’s to graduate, to lose 50 pounds or even take a trip to Disney World. Recently, I attended a webinar hosted by Michael Hyatt where he encouraged us to write a list of 7 to 10 goals you’ll pursue in the coming year. Proudly, I sat down with my new 2018 notebook, multi- colored pens and proceeded to write out my goals. However, as I was reviewing my goals, I recognized how self-centered they were.
Now don’t get me wrong they are mine and they should be focused on me but this led me to think, does God have goals for my life? As a mother, I realized I have goals for my kiddo. They aren’t intense like she has to become the next Serena Williams or even graduate from Harvard, but they are more spiritual like: live in her calling, be kind, and grow in knowledge and wisdom.
 
Since God is a good father, wouldn’t he have some goals for His sons and daughters? I started searching the Bible and I was led to these five commands from God, which can also be translated as goals we should aspire to attain. If there are any goals that speak to your heart put them in the comments below and let’s discuss.
 

#1. Love
God is love. That’s not something He just does, it is who He is. 1 John 4:8 (NIV) says, “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”
 
We are commanded in the book of Matthew to love God, love ourselves then love others.
 
Matthew 22:36-40 (NIV) says, “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
 
In a seminar by Dr. Myles Munroe titled, “Keys to Self-Love” he states: “To love God is to pursue and focus on God’s qualities, nature and character. Get to know God. ‘As yourself’ means to the same degree or measure. You can only love others to the degree or measure in which you love yourself. Loving God should result in self-love which qualifies you to love everyone else.  The prerequisite to loving others is to love ourselves.” If the two greatest commandments include love we should probably learn to love God, ourselves and everyone else.
 
#2. Seek God’s Will

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”- Matthew 6:33 (NIV)
 
God has a plan for your life and one of our goals should be to find out what that is. It is good to set long and short term goals, as long as we leave room for God to change them. His goals take precedence over ours. When we position ourselves to seek what our heavenly Father desires for us we will be able to see the success we desired all along.
 
#3. Be Holy
 “You are to be my holy people…”- Exodus 22:31 (NIV)
 
Strong’s Concordance defines Holy as: set apart by (or for) God, holy, sacred.
 
We are to reflect His divine likeness. The great thing about God is he doesn’t just let us figure it out on our own, He gave us an example we can relate to: Jesus. He is 100% human and 100% God, and he’s our perfect example on how to live and be holy here on Earth.
 
#4. To Prosper Us
Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. – 3 John 1:2 (NASB)

We have established God is a love. Our relationship with God is not based on our actions, but on our connection to Jesus and his finished work on the cross. Wouldn’t you agree that a God who loves us also wants us to prosper? The theme here is trust.

God keeps His promises in His time. He is faithful and has provided all that we needed in the past. Check your history. God’s way to prosper you is to prosper your soul first through the Word of God. Trust Him to prosper you in such abundance you will be a blessing to others.
 
#5. Be Strong and Courageous

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. – Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

Too often we forget that God is on our side and he wants what’s best for us. No matter what fear you are facing today, God is encouraging us to remember He is always with us, therefore we have every reason to operate in strength and courage. Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. Now is the time for strength and courage!
 
I encourage you to take your goals for 2018 and see if they align with the goals set forth in the Bible for us. Consider what your highest biblical goals should be. The best way to get clarity is to get under the Lord’s authority and to see what he lays on your heart.
 
Definition from Dictionary.com

Categories
Communication

3 Tools to Cope During Your Season of Transition

cheerful couple packing for new house

Writer: Nathanael Sauce
This year has been a lot of things for me. It has been walking blindly by faith into the unknown. It has been stepping onto a step that seemed to be invisible. It was a year of transition, filled with moments of trepidation and frustration. What it has not been, though, is a failure. My wife and I celebrated our first anniversary this past September, and while this was an incredible time of learning more about each other, this is not the only transition I have experienced this year.
 
Earlier this year, my wife and I felt the moving of the Holy Spirit upon our lives to step down from the position of “Youth Pastor”, to which I had been entrusted for around four and a half years.  We promptly obeyed, and after speaking to my pastor and informing him of this unction, we stepped down.
 
The months that followed were a bit confusing. If you have ever been in a season of transition, you know exactly to what I am referring. You spend hours of questioning, “God, am I where I need to be? Did I hear you correctly? How will I know when to take the next step?” These are all questions that are completely human, but in a sense, utterly flawed. Each of these questions emerge from a lack of security, or a shallow depth of roots.
 
After listening to a few people who had done what I’m doing in life, I started to open up my mind to the fact that my journey with God is more than a single moment of finality, but rather a series of victories that are laced through this glorious process called life. Just over a month ago, the position of “Missions Pastor” was offered to my wife and I. This is not a position that in the past I would have seen myself fulfilling. Through this transitional season, God has reshaped my focus and given me some clarity on my future. In certain ways, we are definitely still in a season of transition, but I have found peace in the midst of the craziness.
 
Please allow me to lend some wisdom to you from my year of experiencing transition. There are a few things that I have learned are most important when handling a transient season.
 
You are not your rock. GOD is your rock. He is the same God who commanded light to shine from the darkness, who has shown in your heart through the revelation of Jesus Christ, according to 2 Corinthians 4:6. He is immovable, unshakeable, and relentless in His pursuit of you.
 
The revelation of your royal sonship or daughterhood should be where you find your anchor. When you realize that your place in the family of God is “sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise”, (Eph. 1:13), you no longer have to worry about having a performance-driven life. You find that you have more than just goals, hopes, dreams, and visions for which to live. You have LOVE. Love to give, and love to receive, because you are in the divine family of God.
 
You are not the first, and you certainly will not be the last. One of the main devices of the enemy is to make you feel singled out. As soon as he can cut you off from your connection to others, frustration and feelings of failure ensue. When you are in-between major seasons of life, whether that be a relationship breakup, a job lost, a business started, a child born, or a season of engagement, it is primetime for lies of the enemy to line the bottom of your soul.
 
“Maybe there were things I could have done in the last season that wouldn’t have brought me here? “Maybe we shouldn’t get married? Why have I not had a boyfriend/girlfriend in a while? Am I just undateable?” These types of questions can be toxic to your in-between season. In those moments of loneliness and heartache, remember that you are connected to a much bigger picture. The bigger picture definitely involves the dreams of your heart coming into fruition. With that in mind, if your hope is in those dreams, and not the Dream-Maker, you will enter your next season sorely underprepared and disappointed.
 
You are to let your roots run deep, not worry about the fruit. If God has you in a season of transition, it is for a reason. The reason is for you to refocus your thoughts towards Him, and prepare for the next season. If you are so worried about the fruit of your past season, or the possible fruit of your future seasons, you have no time to be enveloped and engrossed by the heart of God for you. Take time during this season to shift your focus from performing for God, to passionately pursuing his heart.
 
When you pursue his heart, you will see that the season of triumph and victory is not just in front of you, it is in you. The only reason that fruit appears in the proper season is because the roots were well maintained in previous seasons to prevent death and decay. The only reason King David had the faith to take down Goliath on the battlefield, was because he correctly handled his season of preparation on the shepherd’s field.
 
Maybe you have been in this “transitional season” for weeks, months, years, or even decades. The timing of the season is not in your hand, but the perspective you choose to take is your choice. God has plans for you. He has big, wild, crazy, incredible dreams for you. If you submit all your dreams, hopes, and visions to Him, you will find that your greatest moments have nothing to do with the season you are in, but rather the One to whom you are connected.

Categories
Communication

8 Actions to Close Out 2017 and Be the Best You for 2018

Writer: Contessa D.
As we all know, 2017 did not come to play with any of us and it sure did not give concern to any of our feelings. This year was the year of the edge, where edges were being snatched, the edge of seats were being sat on, and many of us felt like our lives were on the edge of a really crazy cliffhanger. 2017 was the struggle that was all the way real and it didn’t fail to stretch, tug, and pull us all in our processes for what’s about to emerge for us in 2018.
 
I can say that personally for me I felt like I was every bit of the old school toy favorite, Stretch Armstrong. I was being stretched in areas that I never really knew could be stretched, and the fact that they even needed to be was a challenge. It became a regular occurrence of me asking God, “What are you doing?”
 
You know the saying, “the devil’s throwing everything and the kitchen sink at you?” Transparent moment y’all, there were moments where I felt that I was a kitchen sink away from giving up on my process and throwing the whole of 2017 away. I was ready to quit. I felt every bit of alone (even though I knew I wasn’t), my business wasn’t taking off the way I wanted or expected, I was lacking a great deal of confidence in myself, and relationships seemed to become increasingly questionable.
 
Everything just seemed so…dry, like “desert sand mixed with baby powder” dry. I looked at my problems all year and with each one I was missing the point that they were opportunities to teach me to rise. My perspective was in a poor view simply because I was merely looking at my problems from a worldly perspective and not from the high view from where God seated me–in heavenly places.
 
There’s this quote that I often hear a wise influential leader say, “live above and not below.” Too often as believers we live our lives too closely to the ground when we overlook the promise that we were seated high and in heavenly places with Jesus Christ (Ephesians 2:6 NIV). Well, I say it’s time to change your view from ground level to aerial. There’s nowhere to go but up from here, I mean nothing should stop you if you’re all the way up.
 
Here are some things to check off your list to make sure you aim high and stay high:
 

  • Be Reflective – Take the time to go over your year. Where in your challenges did you fail to rise? Keep it real with yourself and with God. If you can’t see it for yourself then ask for help, ask the Holy Spirit to bring to light situations where you had a poor perspective of a situation and how you should’ve responded.

 

  • Forgive – This is key for just about everyone. To go high, you need to forgive. Forgive yourself for where you may have failed to respond the right way in challenging situations. Often, we are the ones to inflict the most pain on ourselves— holding our own mistakes against us. Forgive yourself for everything you’ve held against yourself and be sure to forgive those who’ve also hurt and come against you.

 

  • Rise – Nothing takes you higher and keeps you higher like rising to an occasion where others would normally retreat or operate out of a lowly choice. Choose to go high and stay there by shifting your perspective to view difficult situations as your potential opportunities.

 

  • Build – Take the time to check out what it is that you are building. Over the course of this year have you managed to build community, healthy relationships, or even a business? If your answer is no, then you may want to reflect on why you missed out on the building process and what caused you to. Whatever we build is meant to further carry us up. If your relationships and community aren’t doing that then it’s time to reevaluate who and what should not be coming with you in the coming year.

 

  • Be Transparent – Keep it real with God about where you are and where you want to be. Be sure to tell Him all that is on your heart, He knows it anyway so why not be open about it. God desires for you to become open with Him and just tell Him the truth. That is what will help you to build your relationship with Him. If you’ve been wounded this past year, I assure you that He desires to heal you if you let Him.

 

  • Recover – This year may have given you quite a bit of loss. Well, now it’s time for your restoration to take full effect. With everything that was stolen, dried up, and lost, it’s now time to recover it all. In other words, GO. GET. IT. Don’t make the mistake of believing you can sit still to get all that was lost— no, go put in some work. Believe God, but also do what you can do so that He can do what He can do. You must get in alignment and agree with what God has for you and do your part in tilling the ground to see its fruit. If all that you tried before didn’t work, He is calling you to try it again and remain faithful that this time, it will work.

 

  • Let it fall off – Simply put, everything and everyone that’s not meant to elevate with you shouldn’t. Let it all fall off as you ascend into new atmospheres. If you find yourself trying to carry the extra stuff, such as fear, anxiety, and some relationships then you will find yourself unable to go as high as needed to truly soar.

 
Take off – Five… four… three… two… one…. It’s time to go high. Nothing can stop you, you’re all the way up.
 
With these 8 steps you will be well on your way to not only achieving great heights in your life, but remaining on top. The year 2017 tried all that it could—putting you under pressure— but you didn’t break. You were being refined and built. You are ready to soar and I have a feeling that 2018 will be ready for you to fly. Keep aiming higher and never settle for lower.

Categories
Communication

Why You Shouldn’t Make A New Year’s Resolution

Friendly african american executive business woman brainstorming using green adhesive notes in a modern white office

Writer: Briana Whiteside
As we near the end of 2017, many are preparing their New Year’s Resolutions. For some this may include getting in shape for summer 2018 and for others it may mean leaving a long-term situationship. Whatever the case may be, the end of the year generally brings a sense of reflection. If we’re honest, some of the resolutions we made at the beginning of the year didn’t quite make it to the end of the year. Why? Why didn’t we follow through with everything that we set out to do at the top of the year?
 
If you’re anything like me, you probably set big goals for yourself. In your mind, you believe that you can accomplish anything, but fail to consider the cost of the dream. You may holdfast to Philippians 4:13 which reminds us that you “can do all things through Christ who strengthens,” without accounting for your flesh that threatens to stop you every step of the way. Now this is not to discourage you in any form, but to reveal a possibility as to why many of us are not finishing the year as strongly as we could.
 
This is why I stopped making resolutions and started making decisions with strategies for them. I was tired of setting huge goals at the beginning of the year only to lay them down by June and reason that “there’s too much on my plate.” Even more, I was irritated with the constant reminder that I let myself down…again.
 
When we get caught up in the hype of the New Year, sometimes we forget that we are bringing our old selves along for the journey. This is where it gets tricky because while we have the intentions to do better, we have not changed our mindset. In essence, you cannot change your situation without altering, or even abandoning, the former ways in which you’ve perceived it. You cannot continue to flirt with the mentality that hindered you this year or in previous years. With this in mind, perhaps you should abandon your resolution and decide to strategize towards your goal.
 
Here are a few tips:
 

  1. Write the goal— Ok now, this may seem like a no brainer but it’s really essential in the process of decision making. Sometimes seeing something on paper brings a new, more concrete, awareness to it.

 

  1. Ask the hard question (why?)— I have previously set goals for myself that I thought I really wanted to accomplish. However, it wasn’t until I started asking myself “why” that I realized—more times than not— I wanted to accomplish the goal because someone else had done it. You can probably assume that I never successfully achieved these goals because the foundation on which they were constructed was not authentic. So, ask yourself “why” this goal is important to you with the hope of not only reaching a more realistic understanding, but gauging your positioning with it.

 

  1. Write the first step—After you’ve written the goal, you should now engage with it. Ask yourself, “What is the first thing that needs to be done to help me get to the end?” I find that if you write the first step then you’ll more than likely begin to understand what is required of you in order to reach it.

 

  1. Bring it into community—This may require a little more thinking. When I’m determined to accomplish something, I bring others in on the journey. This means that I ask people to hold me accountable for my actions or lack thereof. Attention: the friends you choose to help you in this process should not have a history of pacifying your dysfunction, but they should be as invested in your growth as you are.

 

  1. Do research—Knowledge is your best friend when you’re trying to do something that you’ve never done before. As an active researcher, I’ve learned the power of information gathering and vetting. While not all material is helpful, if you’re intentional, you can find what works for you.

 

  1. Apply the knowledge—The common misconception is that knowledge is power. That’s just like telling someone who eats fast food every night that it’s causing them to gain weight and they do it anyway. Does this mean that they don’t have the information? No. It simply means that they aren’t applying it to their lives. While they are equipped with the power to change, if they don’t make the decision to do so then the information is in vain. Therefore, you must apply the knowledge.

 
Ultimately, when we are thinking about change in any situation, we must first plan to succeed. This may require us to ditch the resolution and start choosing better goals accompanied by strategies.

Categories
Communication Dating/Courting Engaged Home Single

Why I Won’t Go “Hunting” For A Girl

Fellas, this one is for you – lets talk as if we were at Starbucks! Ladies, you may want to listen up as well because I believe the focus of men will rise to a higher standard after reading this article and becoming aware of what will be shared. Also, I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts after you read this… Leave a comment!

“As a man, you have the responsibility to go find your wife! You must go searching for her if you’re going to find her…” says people.

As it pertains to going on a journey to search for our future wife, it has been said that we are the “hunters”. I agree with the concept, to a certain extent. Let me explain.

When you think about a hunter, you normally think of two things: a human being that has been trained to hunt animals (prey); or an animal that has been trained for the same reason, to hunt other animals (prey). So the end result is, something has been hunted for the pleasure of the hunter.

I’ve heard many grown men when I was younger, even to this day, talk about how much they used to “chase females”. I never was too fond of that terminology. Without the attempts to make this “deep”, I’m sure your future wife wouldn’t want to be known as a person that was chased, or hunted for—a “prey”. This is why I shy away from the word “hunter”. However, I do understand the concept. “Hunters” need keen eyes, wisdom, and strategy. When pursuing a potential wife, you need these three things.

KEEN EYES

“…“O Lord, please open his eyes that he may see.” So the Lord opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw…”—2 Kings 6:17

Obviously, this isn’t in the context of a future spouse, but I believe the principle stands. As the man, you need keen eyes to see if this is, not only “a” potential wife, but “your” potential wife. You need to be able to “see” a future with whom you’re physically attracted to. Bro, based on what you’re called to do in life (seeing that you have at least an idea), you need keen eyes to see if she is compatible to your destiny. The last thing you want is to marry someone because of how beautiful they looked, how nice they treated you, and how good she made you look with her being on your arm, but when it came time for you to fulfill destiny, she seemed uninterested. Her being beautiful (whatever beautiful looks like to you) and her acting nice are things to seriously consider, but you should’t merely make your decision based off those things. The whole point of a wife goes much beyond a pretty face and a pretty body, but how can she help you in destiny? The wife is to be your helpmeet.

WISDOM

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”—Proverbs 19:21 (NIV)

The key to making this Scripture a fulfillment in your life is Proverbs 3:5: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.”

When you seek God for wisdom, He gives it freely (James 1:5). This particular passage of Scripture in James isn’t talking about spiritual wisdom, though we need that without a doubt; this is talking about practical, day-to-day life wisdom. When God allows you to “see” who your future wife, when pursuing her, you need the Spirit of God to lead and to guide you in all truth—for He is the Spirit of Wisdom and when you ask, He gives it liberally and unbraideth us not.

STRATEGY

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”—Philippians 4:6

If your aim and goal is to become the husband to the one you see a future with, you’ll need strategy. A strategy is “a plan of action or policy designed to achieve a major or overall aim”. Our strategy, as believers, is what Philippians 4:6 hints to us. We can’t be anxious about anything; including finding your future spouse. Our strategy is worship and petitions to God in Jesus’ name. But we also need natural strategies. You can’t pray all day and expect a perfect relationship.

You need accountability systems in place. You need boundaries in place. It is strongly suggested to have premarital counseling. You need to know how to take her on dates without the flesh taking over. All of this is strategy. You need keen eyes, wisdom, and strategy when pursuing your future wife.

Now, here is where we get to the crux of this article, “Why I Won’t Go “Hunting” For A Girl”. This is where I stand: there is a difference between chasing a girl and finding a wife. The world says “go find”. The Bible says “work and she’ll appear”. I know, I know! That’s totally contrary to what you’ve been taught. Me too. But could that be why you haven’t “found” her yet?

Let’s think for a minute. When Adam found Eve, he wasn’t pursuing her. He was content with working in his purpose and out of no where, Eve literally appeared to him. The Bible said the Lord God “brought her unto the man”. Let’s do some work.

If you find yourself chasing someone who is showing no interest in you, stop chasing her; or you’ll be wasting your time. Some get “lucky” with this method. Some don’t. Me? I’m not chancing it anymore. Here’s why…

Proverbs 18:22 says “he that findeth a wife…”

If you do some research, that word findeth is “matsa” in Hebrew, which means “to appear”. Adam was tending the garden (his place of purpose), doing what he was called to do. God caused a deep sleep fall upon Adam and made Eve to ‘appear’ to Adam. Then Adam identified and named her. What’s the principle? Men, you need to have an idea of purpose and/or need to be working in purpose. The wife is to be a helpmeet. The wife is not a sex object to fulfill your manly needs. The truth is, you don’t need a wife if you aren’t focused on your purpose. How will you know what type of wife is needed for your journey? If you aren’t working in your purpose or at least have an idea of it, what will she be helping you with? What will she be incubating beside a natural seed? I’ll wait…

I believe as you work your purpose, your wife will—sooner or later, in God’s kairos timing—appear before you. Hear me prophetically. Keep your eyes open? Yes. But stop talking to every single female you see that looks like a potential. Befriend? Sure. Jump into a relationship? Absolutely not. Men, we are not dogs hunting for other female dogs. We are men of God who should be focused on destiny.

Hear this prophetic wisdom: as you’re focused on purpose and destiny, I believe she will “matsa” (appear)!

Alright, lets talk. Did this help you?

Categories
Home Single

Girl, Why Are You Still Single? (Holiday Edition)

beautiful and young woman in dress sits near Christmas tree
As the holidays are quickly approaching, I know what you’re thinking. Another holiday.. SINGLE.
Trust me I understand. (Also, visit www.SingleForTheHolidays.com; Married and Young would LOVE to help you get perspective of this season and how to handle it!)
The holidays can be a bit frustrating for us singles, so that’s why I’ve put together a survival kit to help us get through the holiday season.
Be your own “Santa”.
You don’t need to have a boyfriend to receive a gift. Go out and buy exactly what you want. For yourself. When you’re your own Santa, you can guarantee you won’t be disappointed. So splurge, sis! Get those diamond earrings you’ve been eyeing all year or that dress you seen in the magazine. Don’t hold back. You deserve it!
Pamper yourself.
Before you head to your parents house for the holidays- I know how eager you are to answer questions about why you’re still single- book a day at the spa. Get your hair done, nails done, brows done and even throw in a massage. De-stress yourself from the woes of the year. Being single for the holidays means you don’t have to feel guilty about taking care of yourself FIRST.
Attend a Holiday Party.
Go out. Have fun. Don’t sit in the house sulking. Get out there. Throw on that dress you brought yourself, pull out your favorite red lipstick, your highest heel and hit the town. Holiday parties are a great way to get your mind off of being single and who knows you could bump into your future husband while you’re out on the dance floor.
Change your focus.
Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, focus on what you do have. You have good health, a job, a roof over your head and a family that loves you. It’s easy to think about how you’re still single but no one ever became grateful thinking about what they didn’t have. Instead they focused on what they did have and they enjoyed their portion… happily.
Prayer.
And lots of it. Take it in large doses. You will need it. I don’t know how your holiday dinners go but at my house there’s always questions about why I’m still single. No one seems to understand that being single is a choice. Meaning I’m choosing not to enter in a relationship prematurely just to say I have someone. No way! That’s a “sure-a-fide” way to end up in divorce court. No thanks! I rather wait a little while longer. So take it from me, I have plenty of experience with this and prayer will help get you through all the questions.
Listen, the holiday season doesn’t have to be dreadful. It’s all in what you make of it. You can choose to enjoy it or you can choose to be depressed. It’s your choice. But I encourage you to choose to be HAPPY.
 Don’t forget to visit www.SingleFortheHolidays.com!!!