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Dating/Courting Home Single

5 Types of Women Men Should Pay Close Attention To…..

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Men, here are 5 types of women you should pay close attention to when entertaining potential relationships:

  1. Ms. Please Come & Save Me: She is unstable in all her ways and has difficulty finishing tasks.She can’t finish school, can’t keep a job and can’t keep good friends. She lacks identity and is completely unaware of her purpose in life. She is looking for a superhero to come and save her from her misery. She is a complete liability to you.
  1. Ms. Can You Pay My Bills: She is not interested in building with you and her main concern is whether or not you can pay her bills. She could care less about you being committed to her. In fact, she would rather deal with men who are married or taken to ensure her streams of income from various men remain in tact. She is willing to give you her body, a little bit of her time but nothing more. Her only goal is to hit the jackpot by finding a man who will take care of her financially. She is a financial liability.
  2. Ms. Can You Fill The Void of My Daddy: She is deeply wounded and rejected. She looks for love and affirmation from whoever will give her attention. She seeks men to fill the void of her absentee father and won’t relent until she does so. She will latch on to a man quickly and hold on to him, no matter how badly he treats her. She is willing to accept the liar, the cheater, the user and abuser all for the sake of filling her void. She seeks love but is unable to reciprocate it because of her dysfunctional concept and lack of understanding of true love. She is a emotional liability.
  3. Ms. Independent: Ms. Independent has her own house, car, good job, degrees and she really doesn’t need you. As a matter of a fact she only wants you to add to her list of achievements and she see you as an accomplishment she needs to obtain for people to see. She’s selfish, controlling and wants things her way. She is close friends with Ms. Jezebel and will use your weakness against you. After all, she believes you are the one who needs her. She will find you and attempt to mold you into HER perfect image. She has a deep dark secret that she is hiding. On the outside she seems like the perfect catch, however on the inside she is a broken little girl who seeks materialistic things and accomplishments to validate who she is. She is also rejected, bitter and doesn’t like herself very much. She lives to prove herself to those who overlooked and rejected her in the past. She does not have the ability to follow you. She is a spiritual and mental liability to you.
  4. Ms. Good Thing: She is not in need of saving. She has come into her own and knows her true identity outside of you. However, she understands her purpose with you. She has learned discipline and submission. Although she is a great leader, she knows how to follow you. She is an asset to you instead of a liability. She compliments your life well and is your greatest cheerleader. She is not lazy and she knows how to multiply your money. She knows how to function without you but she values your addition to her life. She does not talk down to you like a child and she respects you as her head. She trusts you and she does not use your mistakes or flaws against you. …instead, she helps you to improve them. She is always willing to fight by your side and for you. She has found resolve with her past and has learned to be a forgiver and a life carrier. Her words are used to speak life into you and at your worst, she is still able to see the best in you. She is not perfect but she strives to become better every day. She is not a liability…she is your helpmeet.

Men, you don’t have to settle for girls in women’s bodies who are incapable of filling the role of your helper. You don’t have to buy her love and affections. God desires to send you a Proverbs 31 woman who can add to your life and follow you as her head. My prayer for you is that you not be blinded by her curves, but will be able to see the true condition of her heart, mind, soul and spirit. Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (NIV). This proverb can’t manifest in your life if you continue to choose women who make great arm trophies, but lack the essential qualities of a wife. Trust God and he will not only send you the woman you desire, but also the wife you need! Be encouraged men of God!
 

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Home Marriage

5 Areas Marriage Should Add To Your Life

When you get married you should be marrying someone who adds on to your life and not take away from it. The kingdom of God works in multiplication and addition, not subtraction. As you and your spouse grow together you should see yourself growing and becoming better in the following areas:
1.Spiritually– Your spouse should push you to God and encourage you to love Him with all your heart. Marriage allows you to have someone to pray with, to encourage you in the Lord, and push you to walk out your assignment.
2. Emotionally– A healthy marriage creates a place where a person can express their emotions. Marriage provides a refuge for your heart. Marriage should help defuse stress, worry, and fear.
3. Financially– While people get married at different phases of their lives, when a couple works together as a team, they should gradually see their financial status begin to change. Cooperation in career choices, schooling and bringing two incomes together should help the family grow financially.
4. Physically– Research states that people who have healthy marriages often tend to be physically healthier, especially men. Regular sexual intimacy in marriage helps diffuse physical problems such as cancer and stress related issues.
5.Overall Life Satisfaction– A healthy marriage helps a person’s overall satisfaction in life. Having a witness to walk with you through life brings a lot of joy, especially when the person is supportive, loving and kind.

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Home Single

4 Mental Distractions That’ll Keep You From Finding Love

beautiful woman at home with heart for valentine's day

The year was 1992 in a small town called, Albany, GA. It was there that I had my first record of experiencing what I concluded at the time was love. Until, she moved and we no longer were in the same daycare together due to her family moving away. Yes, I said, “Daycare”. It was a real life example of the young and the playful.
From then I’ve always had a fascination with this thing called, love. My interest in love has peeked another fascination, which is how easy it is to allow things in our life to block us from finding it.
Many will argue that love is something you “fall into” hence the statement, “We fell in love”, but I’d like to challenge that statement by saying anytime I’ve fallen into anything it was an accident that I don’t want to do again.
Love shouldn’t be something you fall into with your feelings but rather something you walk into with your heart, soul, and mind all in agreement.
I want to look at 4 things I believe could be mentally distracting you from finding love.
1. Searching For the perfect person.
The search for the perfection person. Not only do I not believe there is only one person for you, I also believe there is no perfect person either. Dating can be very challenging simply because it is when a person puts on their best everything in order to impress the other person. This is why it is imperative that you watch for the small actions that determine everything about a person. For example one small thing you can do it see how the person treats the waiter or waitress at the restaurant. You have to give grace for flaws because guess what, you have flaws too.
2. Fear of Getting Hurt
Relationship should actually be spelled RISK. Because that is really what any relationship is, it is a risk. This is why it is crucial to set boundaries from the very beginning. No matter what your standards are in regards to what’s okay and what’s not okay, there should always be boundaries implemented in order to guard your heart. At the end of it all being hurt is NO FUN, but it is something you must not allow to distract you from being vulnerable once the time is right in order to allow a person in to who you really are.
3. Waiting For It to “Feel” Like Love.
Your feelings do not know your future. My wife and I were watching the new episode of The Bachelorette the other night. I literally counted more than 25 times that she mentioned “feel” or “felt”. It was clear that she was waiting for the feeling to hit her with one of the many guys she will attempt to find love with. Your feelings are the worse thing to rely on when trying to assess a person for the potential of marriage. What rather should be the assessment is wisdom. Wisdom will help you to see the person for who they are aside from feelings because you can get feelings for your dog but that doesn’t mean you should marry him. Don’t be distracted because you’re waiting for that special feeling, but rather allow wisdom to tell you if the person is good or not for your future.
4. Thinking “It’ll Never Happen, So Why Try”.
This negative thinking will cause you not to be optimistic while meeting new people and distract you away from being hopeful to give someone a chance beyond “hello: or  “nice to meet you”. You cannot give love up to fate which believes, “no matter what I do, if it’s meant to be then it will be”. Wrong. That means if you sit on the couch everyday, when fate decides it’s time, he/she will come to your front door in a chariot to take you away into your fairy tale castle. You must try by getting out and meeting new people; that will encourage you to stay optimistic because it can happen when most least expect it.
I pray these 4 mental road blocks will help bring clarity to your journey to finding a person that has the capacity to love you the way you deserve and you love them them the same.

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Home Single

How to Prepare For the Right One

Young woman drinking tea reading book on sofa

 
I believe as Christians who seek to glorify God it’s important to be patient and wait for the one who complements us, at a time when we’re ready to receive it. Falling into the wrong relationships knowingly does not please nor seek to glorify God; rather it is a method of self gratification whether it be from feeling pressured or just wanting something badly. I have had friends tell me that they knew they were with the wrong person, but they just couldn’t stand the mere thought of being alone. That it is a fearful way of thinking. Staying with someone you know isn’t the one does not demonstrate faith in an almighty God and the abundant blessings he has for your life, nor does it help fulfill your purpose. Scripture states “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future” Jeremiah 29:11.
I am reaching a place where I am seeking and trusting God to help me recognize the right person, and shaping myself to be the Godly woman I was called to be. In the midst of this period it is important to be faithful and patient. Here are the ways I believe are helpful in doing so:

  • Praying– Being in communication with God to not only shape your future partner, but to also help acknowledge when you hear his voice, so that way when a suitable partner does come along you know.
  • Strengthening the Relationships You Have Now– A book titled, “A Course in Miracles” states, “Make your brotherly relationships more romantic and your romantic relationships more brotherly” and basically what this means is treating our friendships with the same significance that we put into romantic relationships. Our friendships are also important, and if we can maintain healthy relationships with friends and family this can transcend to our romantic relationships, making them that much more meaningful.
  • Self-Improvement– Improving something about ourselves that may need some work. For example, learning to be more patient, working on building credit, whatever the case may be; your single period is a great time to work on things that may need improvement, because when you’re in a relationship those issues become more evident.
  • Finding Your Purpose– It’s important to seek the purpose that God calls for your life, and not just a partner. When we know our purpose we can ensure God’s will be done, which enhances our relationships and the roles we play in them.

 

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Home Single

Confronting Your Inner Child In Preparation For Marriage

Growing up, all of us encounter difficulties and disadvantages that shape our development as individuals. Most of the time, we never give any real thought to these circumstances. Instead, we accept these situations as the norm, carrying years of baggage from one developmental stage in life to another until we reach adulthood. Often, we don’t realize the problem of dragging this baggage along throughout our life until after we’ve gotten married. At that point, both husband and wife are either: A) trying to unpack years of baggage while also trying to build a solid foundation for a marriage, or B) Trying to build a solid foundation for your marriage on top of the baggage that exists. Neither option is a recipe for marital bliss. For this reason, all of us must be very intentional about confronting the child that lives within us.
Bringing childhood baggage into my own marriage caused utter chaos in the beginning. Both my beautiful wife and I grew up in very unhealthy environments. Extreme verbal abuse was rampant in my home, and in order to cope as a young child, I built in laughter as an automatic response to conflict. The first time my wife attempted to make herself vulnerable and shared the issues of her heart with me, the outcome of that situation was less than positive to say the least. I burst into laughter. She felt as though I was actively belittling her and mocking her feelings because of her childhood hurts and pains, but in reality, I was simply trying to process what she was saying while maintaining control of my emotions. This was an inappropriate and unacceptable response from me. Until both my wife and I began to intentionally attack the origins of those negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions, we would continually bump heads unnecessarily.
In 1 Corinthians 13:11, Paul said, “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. BUT when I grew up, I put away childish things.” As a single person, “unpacking your baggage” and putting away childish things are two of the greatest things you can do to prepare yourself for this journey called marriage. No matter what habits and tendencies you’ve accumulated as a result of your childhood circumstances, there’s no greater time than when you’re single to stand face to face with your inner child! You must look jealousy, insecurity, anger, resentment, irresponsibility, selfishness, or any other negative tendency directly in the face, and begin to deal with those emotions appropriately so that you don’t hinder your future marriage.
It won’t be an easy fight. It will take a ton of prayer and reading God’s word to discover God’s truths concerning marriage and gain the strength needed to win this battle. Prayer and spending time in the word of God can help you combat all of the negative responses you have built up to cope with life’s negative experiences. If you put in the work now, your future spouse will thank you down the road.  If you’re already married like myself, but you never took the time time to confront your inner child, don’t fret my friend, it’s never too late to do this. You owe it to yourself, your spouse, and you’re children to confront those behaviors that hold you back from truly becoming the best man/woman, husband/wife, father/mother, and child of God possible. Since my wife and I began that process a couple of years ago, I can honestly say our communication has never been better, and we’re headed to even greater heights than we’ve ever dreamed in our marriage! So, what are you waiting for? There’s no time like the present to confront your inner child, once and for all!

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Finances Home

7 Steps to Finance a Car With a 600 Credit Score…or Lower.

by Calvin Russel Jr.
Financing a car can be time consuming. First, you must find a car you like, look for a reasonable price to pay, and decide where you will do business. But the longest part of the process is being at the dealership. Whether you are going back and forth on a price, going through their selection of cars, or the dreadful finance office. For some consumers, financing a vehicle is not a problem. They know they will get the lowest interest rate possible. While other consumers, play the waiting- hoping-and-wishing game for a bank to finance them. Since over 94% of consumers finance their vehicles, this is a major piece to the puzzle. Waiting on the bank to finance a person with a credit score of 600 or lower can take hours and sometimes overnight! Don’t worry though, I will show you how to finance a car with a 600 credit score or lower.
First: Get Your Credit Reports
The biggest mistake I have seen in 4 years in the automotive business is consumers not knowing their credit score. Or worse, they have an idea they that they may have a low score but set unrealistic car goals to achieve. 90% of top lenders use FICO® Scores. With that said, consumers should know where they stand before they step foot in dealership. If you want to see what score the dealership will see and send to the banks, I recommend you get your personal FICO® score and reports as soon as possible. Click the banner below to obtain yours.
Second: Understand You Will Pay A Double Digit Interest
With a 600 credit score or lower, you must be prepared to pay a double digit interest. Consumers always seemed to be shocked when they see that the interest rate is 12-24% when they have late payments, collections, civil judgments, child support, missed payments, and etc on their credit report. I always say an interest rate with an approval is better than not being approved. Consumers must also understand that lower interest rates are earned through on time payments.
 
Third: Keep The Vehicle For Less Than 36 Months (3 Years)
With a high interest auto loan, consumers should try to get a lower interest rate by doing one of a few things.

  1. Refinance The Car For A Lower Rate With Remainder Of Term
  2. Refinance The Car For A Lower Rate With Extended Term
  3. Trade The Car In

Assuming the consumer has made their payments on time for some time, the credit score should be higher which will get the increase the chances of the consumer to lower rate depending on where their new credit score is.
Fourth: Bring Proof & Documentation
Before going to the dealership, be sure to grab proof and documentation as the bank will need it. You should bring: proof of income by 2 check stubs within 30-45 days ( the self-employed should bring 3 previous months bank statements along with the previous years 1099), proof of address by utility bill or phone bill, 3-6 references, and proof of full coverage insurance. You will need all of these documents as the banks will want to know who you are and where their car will be at all times.
Fifth: Be Prepared To Put A Down Payment On The Car
Notice I said, “prepared to put a down payment” as a down payment may not be needed. Here is a fact for you to consider. Over 80% of consumers with 720 or higher credit scores put a down payment on the vehicle financed. Why is that? So the they can finance less and have a lower payment. This is perfect for someone with a 600 score or lower as this shows the bank more of a commitment from the buyer and puts the bank in a better equity position if the consumer defaults on the auto loan. A good down payment of $500-$1000 is very common.
Sixth: Understand The Choice Of Vehicles
Consumers with a 600 score or lower should only look at vehicles under $18,000 or lower as the payments with double digit interest rates can range from $430 or higher. Most lenders won’t feel comfortable financing more than 18k-20k for a car. Anything more and the lenders will decline the application or expect a higher down payment.
Seventh: Wait 6-12 Months & Consult With A Certified Credit Consultant
Getting a car with double digit interest rate may not be the route you want to go at the moment and that’s alright. While you wait, its important to take this time and learn how to improve your credit score and report. One of the easiest way is to open a new credit card account, keep a low balance or no balance at all and make your payments on time each and every month. You can find the right credit card for your credit score by clicking the banner below. You can also schedule an appointment to talk with a Certified FICO® professional like myself and learn exactly what you need to do and see results in less than 3 months. For more information, visit my website.
The Bottom Line
As you can see, financing a car with a 600 credit score or lower isn’t that difficult as long as you are prepared for what’s ahead and know what to expect. Of course, these steps won’t guarantee a bank approval as everyone has a different credit situation and debt balances, but this will most definitely increase your chances in getting approved for a car loan.
 
Calvin Russell Jr is a Certified FICO Professional, Approved Partner With Bankrate, and the CEO & Founder of GoSimplyPro Credit Consultation. GoSimplyPro Credit Consultation is a Chicago based Credit Repair Company. GoSimplyPro Credit Consultation has helped hundreds of people increase their credit scores, qualify for homes, cars, and lower interest rates with their personal, Step-By- Step Game Plans. Contact us today to learn more at 877.205.7771 or email us at info@gosimplypro.com

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Communication Home Marriage

Three Negative Effects of Over-Familiarity in Marriage

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Everyone loves that “falling in love” feeling. Every song, scent, and sunset reminds you of your significant other. I remember, before she was my wife, we would take walks together and I would return to our trail the next day and look for her footprints in the sand from the day before. I fell in love with her sweet nature, her beautiful singing voice, and her deep and profound thoughts.
I was enraptured by the way she thoughtfully contemplated each and every word that she was going to say. I loved seizing every opportunity to hold her hand, or bless with her dinner, or stay on the phone until midnight. What I didn’t expect was that the feeling of love isn’t a permanent fixture on a relationship.
Love is so much more than Cloud 9. What happens when the seasons of life come and two people who are still fully committed to their marriage become familiar?
Because it happens—the longing and nostalgia become mixed into the tumult of daily living when two become one. Don’t be devastated when you find yourself getting annoyed by what was previously adorable. The warm blanket sensation of being in love is not love. It is a pleasant byproduct of love, but that is not love, itself.
But there’s also a risk of getting too familiar with our spouse. Jesus could not do miracles in Nazareth because his kinsmen and neighbors only saw the “carpenter’s son,” not God’s Son. (Matthew 13:57-58)
Here are three risks of becoming over-familiar:

  1. I may take my spouse’s strengths for granted. After 10 years of marriage, my wife’s adorable, pensive pauses in conversation can drive me wild when I get into “business mode” and want simple yes/no answers to yes/no questions. “Just answer the question! Today, please!” But my wife doesn’t think like that and I need to remember how valuable her ability to process her thoughts really is. When she speaks, her words don’t come out with claws or ambiguity. Her speech is seasoned with salt. (See Colossians 4:6)
  1. I may overlook all the new things God is doing. If I “put my wife in a box,” and always expect her to act, think, and feel the same things every time, I may miss out on amazing transformations that God is doing in her heart—all because I’m expecting her to do things the way she’s always done it. Unfortunately, over-familiarity has the tendency to blind us to the new, because we stay fixated on the old.
  1. I may lower my future expectations. “This is my spouse, warts and all. This is the way he/she will always be.” Over-familiarity may prevent us from dreaming with God about all that He has created our spouse to be.

What do we do with when we find ourselves getting over-familiar?

  1. Ask questions. You haven’t heard it all. Beyond asking about his or her day, find out what moved your spouse. What angered your spouse? Remember the talks you and your spouse used to have? Talking had a lot do with it.
  1. Go out. Get away from the daily grind. Remove yourself from the routine and just have fun together. As much as I love watching my wife as a mom, friend, sister, or daughter, I also love watching her disengage from busyness and just be Sarah. I discover, even re-discover beauty I had forgotten was even there.
  1. Travel down memory lane. My wife and I love to break out the wedding album or video and stroll down memory lane. We laugh until we cry (and then cry until we’re dry) as we reminisce about how much we’ve grown and changed, and how we’re still grateful to be together.

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Dating/Courting Home Single

No Sex Until Marriage?: The 3 People You Will Need Help From

Shy woman and man sitting on sofa couch next each other. First date. Attractive girl and handsome guy meeting dating and trying to talk. Male touching picking up female. Instagram filtered.

I am so proud of you. I don’t care about your past or even your last night, I simply care about your tomorrow. Abstaining from sex until marriage is one of the best ways to guard your heart and mind from attaching to someone before its appropriate time.
A man can put a condom on to protect you from an STD or pregnancy, but there is nothing to protect your heart, which is just as important.
If this is your desire for your dating relationship then there are 3 people you must have to assist you in this amazing goal. You can’t believe the hype that you can do this alone.

  1. An Agreeing Partner

Yes, your partner is the first most important person that must be on board with abstaining from sex until marriage. People always ask us when is it a good time to let a potential person know that you are desiring to wait until marriage to have sex. We tell them as soon as things are beginning to turn serious or once there has been a communicated intention of progressing towards a committed relationship. If that person doesn’t also share the same desire then you may want to reconsider moving forward. Abstaining from sex is a core value that must be agreed by both parties. If only one person agrees and the other person doesn’t, you will not be able to have a healthy dating relationship because the other person will just be waiting until you give in on that one special night.
2. An Inspiring Mentor
A mentor is someone that is NOT your friend. A friend is peer-level, but a mentor is someone you look up to. This could be an older married couple or someone from your church that has the ability and desire to see you make it to the altar without giving into the desire to have sex. A mentor is someone that agrees with you and your partner’s goal and will be consistent to check in with you throughout your dating process. To acquire someone like this is just a simple ask.

  1. A Strong Friend

This is the 2nd most important person that will give you the encouragement you need to stay strong during your season of dating to not give into the temptation to have sex. A strong friend is one that is not going to waver and will continue to keep you accountable for every action you make. They will not be easy on you and you must allow them access into every detail in order for this relationship to work to its full capacity. If you do fall short or come close to falling then this person will encourage you but also discuss the situation to see how to prevent it from happening again. You need a strong friend.
My wife and I were able to abstain from sex our entire dating process and it was one of the best decisions we made. We both had these 3 types of people in our lives that were able to walk with us to ensure we didn’t give into the temptation to awaken love before we said, “I Do” to one another. You can do it too. No matter where you find yourself right now. It’s okay to start over today and make that commitment to God and yourself. I promise it will be worth it.

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Communication Engaged Home

10 Decisions You Need to Make With Your Future Spouse Before Marriage

Couple having picnic on beach

There are certain things that need to be agreed upon before marriage. These are decisions that will not change no matter what. Having an agreement on these unshakable truths will help one better navigate their marriage especially in hardships. Here are some decisions you and your future spouse can come in agreement with before marriage:

  1. Divorce is not an option, therefore, it will not come out of our mouths.
  2. We will never stand in the way of each of our love and pursuit for God.
  3. We will encourage and support each other in walking out the call of God on each of our lives.
  4. We will never speak negatively of each other in public.
  5. We will always work on our issues and get help when we need it.
  6. We will teach our kids to walk with God and put him first.
  7. We will not hide secrets as they are an open door to the enemy.
  8. We will always pursue each other and our love.
  9. We will extend grace and forgive over and over.
  10. We will celebrate each other’s success and walk with each other during defeats.

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Dating/Courting Home Single

How Long Is Too Long to Wait Until He Proposes?

This question is very solid and whether you are currently engaged, dating, or single the answer to this question will help you tremendously for when it is time to cross this bridge.Time is a very important commodity not only in relationship, but also in life in general. It is through time that things have the opportunity to mature, develop, and evolve granting the ability to make sound decisions.
Even God understands the power of time and seasons. We find the Bible stating in Ecclesiastes 3:1, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.”
In relationships timing is basically everything. Something done too soon could ruin the potential of that thing, but also something done too late could also have an equal amount of damage.
Now, hear me when I say this. There is no one size fits all in regards to timing for the decision to marry.
What does that mean? You cannot base your timeline on someone else’s timeline. Now, is there a such thing as to long?
Yes.
But, is everyone’s to long measuring stick going to be the same?
No.
My wife and I were engaged after only 4 months of dating and married 6 months later. I didn’t use anyone else’s relationship as the measuring stick, but simply used wisdom as the measuring stick.I knew she was the right one for me and we both were in the right season to make that commitment. This is after receiving the peace and permission from God, her parents, my pastor, my parents, and my close friends. I believe strongly in community.
A man that knows what he wants will make it happen and will communicate his intentions to you.
A man that isn’t ready for marriage will find every excuse in the book to prolong the decision for marriage. This is why you must guard your heart, mind, and body until he fully earns all access to you by putting a ring on your finger.
The greatest key to eliminate any form of confusion during your dating process is communication. My wife and I were able to have a serious conversation about our future, while I was still able to keep an element of surprise for when I proposed.
 
I always say, when you see those marriage proposals gone bad it’s because there was no communication prior to that moment.