Category: Dating/Courting

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Dating/Courting Engaged Single

Am I Ready to Get Married?

One of the most infamous questions you will ever get as a married person is– “How did you know they were the one?” Albeit, there are different answers pending on whom you ask, but here are a few ways to calm your wedding jitters.
If you are waiting for your flawless Prince Charming to show up, you will be waiting forever. When it comes to a potential spouse, there will never be a perfect person. If you can agree on the things that matter most to you: faith, morals, values, goals, etc. – you can learn to love anybody. The person you marry today will be a very different person 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years from now. It’s a matter of commitment. Love is more than just a feeling, it’s a daily choice.
 
So you said yes, you’ve started wedding planning and have that beautiful ring on your finger. All of a sudden, you begin to question:
Am I ready for this?
Let me start by saying – before you can be ready for marriage, you have to be comfortable by yourself. No relationship is going to fill the voids you find in your individual life – they may provide a temporary fix, but in the end you will still feel empty. You can’t allow your life’s happiness to be placed in the hands or the control of another human being. Find your identity, purpose, your SELF, and the right relationship will come in time.
No one can really prepare you for marriage because everyone’s marriage looks different. However, there are great resources like premarital counseling that can help the two of you figure out each other’s perspectives, habits, and personalities. In addition to premarital counseling, my husband and I went through the book “101 Questions To Ask Before You Get Engaged” which really gave us insight into a lot of different areas we would not have thought to consider. It forced us to think about different scenarios or situations before they became an issue. There are plenty of additional premarital books out there if you choose to go through one with your fiancé.
Is this really what I want?
Only you can decide this. This will be your future – not your parent’s, pastor’s, friend’s, etc. It’s OKAY to not want to be married yet, and it’s okay if you do! Everyone’s timeline is different. Be honest with yourself and trust your gut. If you don’t feel at peace about it, seek counsel from someone you know that can bring you wisdom and perspective to help decipher between nerves and legitimate concerns.
Am I too young?
I am a firm believer that age does not qualify you as “ready” for marriage. My husband and I got married at 22 and are in some ways more mature than other friends that married much later in life. Your age does not determine whether your marriage will succeed or fail, rather the mindset and commitment you bring to the relationship. It is possible to be too immature to be married, but in many ways marriage forces you to grow up and take on more adult responsibilities as you learn to navigate life with another person, flaws and all.
What if I change my mind?
Regardless of the potential embarrassment you may feel, it is OKAY to call off a wedding. Personally, I would rather call off my wedding and feel embarrassed for a season instead of finding myself in a horrible marriage for the rest of my life. My dad always told me – even the day of our wedding before walking down the aisle – if you don’t want to do this, we can turn back now. Hopefully you have resolved before you get to the church doors, but don’t ever allow yourself to be trapped in a relationship you know is not right.
Every person has their flaws, weaknesses, baggage, but choosing to love them through it takes real commitment. Marriage is selfless. It’s about learning to love and put someone else’s needs before your own. It’s compromising on the restaurant you wanted to go to in order to make the other happy for dinner.  It’s learning how to communicate and how to resolve conflicts quicker. It’s sending a text message letting them know how much you appreciate them and you’re sorry for being dramatic by arguing about something so small this morning.
Marriage is work. But if both parties are willing to put the time and effort in to cultivate the marriage you both desire, I promise it will be one of the most beautiful and fulfilling journeys you ever step foot on.

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Single Spiritual Intimacy

Don't Waste Your Single Season!

Do you find yourself in your singleness wondering when your season will change into marriage? Well, now is the time to shift your perspective. Your singleness is a blessing from God! It is a waiting season that can produce joy as you prepare for the one God has for you. Here are 3 practical tips to enjoy your singleness and use this season wisely.

  1. Focus on your first love. Matthew 22:37 states to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.” Look to God as your total source of joy, purpose, love, and meaning. When God occupies the #1 spot in your life, you will have joy as you wait and prepare for your mate. Here are some ways to focus on God as your first love:
  • Spend intentional time in God’s Word and journal what God is speaking to you.
  • Pray and worship daily.
  • Serve your church and community.
  1. Guard your heart. Proverbs 4:23 speaks of guarding your heart because it is the wellspring of life. This means your thoughts, words, and actions overflow from your heart. Putting any desire before God is considered an idol. Make it your top priority to stay joyful and guard against the idol of overly desiring a mate in your singleness.

Your waiting season is a gift, remember to stay open to your now! Enjoy your singleness, have fun, and stay in a place of excitement and openness to God’s blessings as you wait (Psalm 27:14). God has that special someone that He will present in His timing. He knows your future and is working out all the details of your love story.

  1. Start with the man or woman in the mirror. In this season, God is using this time to change you and make you more like Him. Proverbs 27:19 says that “as water reflects the face, one’s life reflects the heart. Don’t spend too much time focusing on “a list” of qualities that you want in your potential mate. Focus on being the right person for who God brings into your life. What are ways to focus on yourself as you wait?
  • Stay positive! (see Nehemiah 8:10, Psalm 28:7)
  • Take cooking classes.
  • Read godly books on character development and listening/communication skills for marriage preparation.
  • Pray and ask God to reveal a habit or weak area that may be a hindrance to marriage. When God reveals it, set small goals each day to strengthen yourself to overcome that area.

These three tips will help you stay out of a place of loneliness and embrace your season of singleness with joy. What other ways have worked for you as you enjoy your singleness?

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

3 Ways To Know You're Ready to Date Again

young woman looking thoughtful at the coffee shop

How do you know when it’s time to start living the next chapter of your life?
After having brunch with some friends, I started thinking about that question. I listened to them talk about their relationships and how they would just put themselves out there. I’ve seen women time after time fool themselves into thinking they were ready to date for whatever the reason, but my question is what makes you think that you’re ready?
That’s when I started examining those closest to me, especially those in successful relationships, and came up with the following three ways women can know they ready to date again.
 1. You’re no longer bitter about your ex
You aren’t stalking his social media, you’re not checking his new girlfriend’s social media either, you’re not leaving rude comments- acting like you’re Jazmine Sullivan. We’ve all been there, but if you’re still there, then you are not ready to be in another relationship.
When you’re truly over your ex, you don’t care what they are doing nor do you care who they are doing it with. If they’ve moved on, you’re happy for them and you don’t have any unresolved feelings.
In order for you to start a new chapter, you can’t be still hung up on an ex.
2. You’re no longer interested in rebounds
You know what a re-bounder is? Someone you use as an attempt to get over the last person you dated or use as an attempt to make your ex jealous. A lot of us, when we break up with someone, turn into serial daters where we date randoms (someone not sent by God), just out there choosing anybody. You use re-bounders as a distraction. They are often used as a physical and emotional coping mechanism when you’re not interested in being with them long-term.
When you’re truly interested in dating someone there won’t be any games. You won’t try to distract yourself from the pain of a past failed relationship, you’ll be in a space to offer your whole self to someone.
 3. You’re happy with who you are
Being happy with who you are is a key in knowing that you’re ready to date. Why? Because when you are happy with yourself, you make choices that will keep you happy. You won’t make decisions that are destructive to yourself, your purpose or your destiny. When you are truly happy with yourself, you will attract a mate that is also happy with themselves.
Being happy with yourself means you won’t repeat past errors or mistakes, nor will you expect the next relationship to make up for all the pain you experienced previously because you’ve taken the time to heal appropriately and you’ve taken time to find happiness in yourself and most importantly in God.
What I’m learning being single is that when you’re out living the best life, the life God has planned for you, is usually when God decides to sweep you off of your feet. So don’t be in such a rush to fill your life with meaningless people who will leave you with meaningless memories.
Once you decide that you’re ready to start dating let it because you want to share your happiness with someone, not because you’re trying to erase the memory of someone else.

Categories
Dating/Courting Home

3 Myths About Courtship

Happy couple in love walking in Gamla Stan, Stockholm city visiting Sweden. Young adults tourists on travel or Swedish urban people in summer walking on a date.

Let’s debunk these myths, shall we….
Myth 1. You Don’t Have to Prepare for a Courtship.
Many people believe that the only relationship necessary to prepare for is marriage. However, how can one prepare for marriage and completely skip the fact that there’s a huge step you must take before you say “I do”- Courtship. Courtship, which is considered “righteous dating” because it is done from a place of purity,  is a huge step!
It’s a time and a season of life that needs to be taken VERY seriously. When you prepare for courtship, you’re ultimately preparing for marriage. How, you ask? Your preparation should include learning the importance of sobriety, discipline, honor, respect for yourself and your significant other, integrity, communication and purity! These are all aspects that, if you train yourself in them before courtship, will be strengthened through courtship, thereby laying the foundation for a stable marriage.
As my pastor always says: “Things don’t go wrong, they start wrong.” If you’re not intentional about preparing for each season of your life, it is highly likely that you won’t succeed in the capacity God wants you to because of your lack of intentional preparation.
Myth 2. Boundaries? No One Needs Those!
I speak with people all the time about the importance of boundaries, not just in courting relationships, but in general, and the response I always receive is “I never knew how important boundaries are!” Let me warn you, if you desire to live to the standard of the word of God and you want to walk in complete purity in your courtship … YOU NEED BOUNDARIES!
“The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak,” and this will surely hold true as you grow in relationship with a person you desire to marry. Think about it; you’re attracted to this person, you become comfortable, you let down your guard, you may already know you’re headed in the direction of marriage … it’s extremely easy to have a slip-up if you’re not careful.
To lessen the chances of this happening, set up a few clear boundaries. For example:

  • End nighttime phone calls by 11 p.m.
  • Don’t spend the night at each other’s houses.
  • Set a curfew for yourself!
  • No kissing – To each his own, but this helped my courtship stay pure!

Myth 3. It’s Easy!
Lie, lie, lie, lie and lie again, ha! Courtship is extremely hard at times … well, if you do it God’s way, of course. Let me give you the reality from someone who is actually walking through it. First, there’s no sex involved in courtship. Sex can be a blinder that excuses a person’s behavior; since this is not the case, you get to feel the reality of a person’s dysfunctions. Second, you must remain sober through your courtship, not overlooking issues that need to be addressed, working through your own insecurities and heart issues. If this isn’t your first relationship, you may have to work through some more healing from issues you had in your past relationship that you thought were gone.
Finally, you are tested over and over again in your ability to love purely and soberly and to REMAIN in the season you’re in. Remember, you’re not married yet, so marriage privileges cannot be given.
I’ll end with this tad bit of wisdom – Ladies, he must pursue you through the entire courtship. Fellas, she needs to remain in a place of being led and not becoming controlling. If these two things are not happening, you may want to have an honest conversation; you may want to even include a married couple for accountability.
So, there you go! Courtship is beautiful, but I think it’s important for people to see the reality and not just the roses and lovey-dovey moments! Have fun and enjoy!

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home Single Uncategorized

Ex – Lesbian Discusses Her Transformed Life in Christ

Emily Thomes is a wife and speaker. Prior to meeting Benjamin “Ben” Thomes, Emily would mock Christians, dabble with drugs and lived a life of promiscuity. She was also a staunch lesbian and would use male washrooms. In 2014, Thomes started to attend her aunt’s Bible studies. Emily was never pressured to change her lifestyle but was personally convicted after learning about the different attributes of God and reading Scripture.  Thomes decided she need to change her life and left the lesbian lifestyle and drugs. A couple of years after getting saved, Emily met the love of her life, Ben. In this interview, Thomes goes in-depth to discuss single – hood, marriage and tragedy. In the midst of it all, Thomes sought to keep Christ in the center.

emilywedding

Habiba Abudu (HA) : The life you live now is a stark contrast to your life a couple of years ago. Can you discuss the change that occurred in your life?

Emily Thomes (ET) : In short, God saved me. I was granted to see myself as a wretched sinner in need of a new heart and a new life and He gave me that. My life had been marked by various sin : practicing homosexuality, smoking marijuana, and drunkenness to name a few. Today, it’s marked by imperfect but sincere obedience, by His grace.

HA : Did you ever deal with loneliness when your were single ?

ET : I did. He used that season to glorify Himself all the more. He showed Himself sufficient for me when I didn’t have a significant other.

HA : In your season of singleness, how did you prepare to be a wife ?

ET : I spent time with married women, usually wives who were also moms, and learned from them.

HA : You met Ben via Facebook ? How did you navigate a long distance relationship ?

ET : I did ! His mom introduced us actually. We weren’t long distance for long. The first few months, we started each day with a phone call where he’d read the devotional book Morning and Evening, by Charles Spurgeon with me. We’d also text and FaceTime each other throughout the day. We both desired marriage in one another, so he moved to North East Texas pretty quickly.

emilywedding2

HA : Was it awkward sharing your past with Ben ?

ET : Thanks to Facebook, I actually didn’t have to tell him much about  it. Once we became friends on Facebook, Ben came across my testimony video. We discussed it, and to my surprise Ben never once made me feel like the greater sinner, though our pre-conversion lives were nearly opposite. Ben understood his own depravity and need for grace. That caused Ben to see us as equal recipients of His grace. It made conversation with Ben easy and safe for me.

emilyben2

HA : What has your first year of marriage taught you ?

ET : Marriage has taught me that although I’ve been made new, I’m still often plagued with fallen flesh and a desire to have my own way and not the Lord’s. This is also true for Ben. As wise as I had believed I’d become and as perfect, dreamy and intelligent my husband is, we’re both still in need of grace daily. The Lord has humbled us both and we needed it. He’s given us a partner to walk the gospel out with and for that I’m forever grateful. I pray that in the coming years we grow in our love, patience, wisdom and trust God to continue the good work that He started in us.

HA : Last year, you shared the tragic news of suffering a miscarriage. How did Ben and yourself handle this difficult period of your life ?

ET : Ben was incredible. He was devastated, when I first contacted him at work to tell him I was going to the hospital. He wept and expressed sorrow for our child and me. By the time he got to my side, he had put aside his own grieving and gave me the floor to hurt for the next few weeks while he patiently loved and served me. I saw two sides of Ben : a dad who was mourning the loss of a child and a husband willing to put his feelings on the ” back burner ” for some of my darkest moments. He provided a shoulder to lean on and comfort. I loved him even more because of the miscarriage. 

emilywedding3

HA : Finally, what advice would you share with those aspiring to be married ?

ET : To those desiring marriage, knowing the spiritual condition of the person you’re considering is the highest priority. I don’t say this because I learned the hard way. It’s something I believe Ben and I did rightly. Before we allowed ourselves to develop incredibly strong feelings for one another, we discussed doctrine, theology and the fruit in our lives. We talked about literally every topic we could think of for weeks. Once I was convinced that Ben could lead me spiritually and Ben was convinced that I love the Lord and was seeking to honor Him, did we move beyond that. Romantic feelings alone cannot be what a relationship is based on.

Desiring God has an article called “When the Not-Yet Married Meet.” In it, the author says, “Intimacy is safest in the context of marriage, and marriage is safest in the context of clarity.” That’s the best advice that I could give to a couple considering marriage. Take the time to investigate the other person before your heart jumps in and distorts what you’re seeing. Once you know that person is someone that you desire to marry and that, most importantly, the marriage would honor God, go for it.

Marriage is a wonderful and godly commitment. Being married is challenging, sanctifying and beautiful because He created it for man. Paul encouraged marriage for those that desire it. Ben and I were married within six months of knowing each, (Ben was 20 and Emily was 24 when they got married). While neither of us are perfectly mature or holy, we wouldn’t be in ten more years either, especially as single people. Marriage has been the sharpest tool that he Lord’s given me for growth yet. 

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

What If God Doesn't Send Your Boaz?

Beauty and skin care concept. Headshot of fashionable dark-skinned young woman with stylish haircut and clean healthy skin looking away with serious and pensive expression, resting against wooden wall

by Richelle Henry
So often, I hear within the single Christian women community to just keep working in my field. I hear that Ruth was found working and busy doing her purpose when she positioned herself to be found by this man of perfection, Mr. Boaz. So many women post statuses about being found by this famous man and even caption photos that tell the story of her wait. We’ve been sold this lie that when it comes to singleness, Boaz in all of his manliness, will come and rescue us from our singleness.
But I must ask you, “What if God doesn’t send you Boaz?”
It’s clear that he’s a hot commodity and millions of Christian women are a part of the rhetoric that if we just position ourselves, flow in purpose, and know who we are, that our prize at the end of it all would be marriage with our Boaz.
But what if God sent me a Moses?
A man who is a leader, but sometimes emotionally driven and in need of my assurance to stand in the fullness of who He was called to be? Although Moses was called, He still felt extremely inadequate and battled insecurities that almost caused him to forfeit the leader that the Lord was trying to pull out of him. What if it were my responsibility to encourage him into his identity?
 
What if God sent me an Elijah?
A man who has had his share of great victories but still wrestles with fear in such a way that he falls into bouts of lowness and crushing depression? Could I be the woman that God has sent to help draw him out of those cave moments and like the Angel did with Elijah, speak the words, “get up and eat?” Could I be a woman of patience, grace, and love to look beyond his bouts of discouragement and see the man he’s destined to be? (See 1 Kings 18 & 1 Kings 19)
 
What if God sent me a Jonah?
A man who has a sure call upon his life to deliver a difficult message, only to be so discouraged with the mantle of his calling that it sends him running? Could I be the woman who, like the whale, was sent to remind him of the importance of obeying the voice of the Lord the first time? Could I be the woman who is sent to help him instead put his fears to flight, instead of his purpose? (See Jonah, Chapter 1)
 
What if God sent me an Abraham?
A man who has received a word to leave everything behind and just follow the Lord to a land that He would soon show him? A man who received a promise and didn’t have the patience to wait for it? Could I be the woman to help him steward the word of the Lord properly and correctly? Could I be the woman who has a husband who receives direction to leave a place of familiarity and help my husband walk forward in absolute and unrelenting faith in obedience to the Father?  (See Genesis 12)
 
What if God sent me David?
A man after God’s own heart but had a past of infidelity, adultery, and murder? Clearly, this man was chosen by God but had a past filled with all sorts of things that would cause many to question his qualification to be used by God. Could I be the woman to help purge the record that holds his confidence hostage and loves him for who He was called to be, not who He used to be? (See 2 Samuel 11)
 
You see, if we continue to believe that we are only created to marry a Boaz, we will be conditioned to believe that he will come perfect and not flawed. We will be conditioned to believe that all of the responsibility will be on him to be perfect, all while forgetting the grace it takes for us to love the man we come into covenant with. What if you position yourself, glean in your field, wait on the threshing floor and the Lord sent you a man mentioned above?  Would you have been so occupied in being found by perfection that you forfeit the man that was created to help you do destiny and purpose with and you the same for him? So, go on, keep waiting for your Boaz. I can assure you, I won’t be doing the same. I’ll be too busy praying that my heart is prepared for the encouraging, pouring, sharpening, and purging that I may have to do with my David, Abraham, or Elijah.
 
Take Heed & Live Free,
Chelle
 
Richelle is Florida-native with a heart for all things Jesus and loving on people. Her passions include counseling, writing, hanging out with friends, family, and cooking! She hopes that in presenting her scars and giving others the courage to reveal their own that it would ultimately put the Father’s love on display to transform, heal, and completely restore! Find Richelle over at her blog www.showthosescars.com.

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

4 Stages That Take Place When You Fall For a Counterfeit

Happy couple dating and flirting and holding hands together in a coffee shop with a sunset light outdoor in the background
As a single Christian waiting on God’s best, there are many times when we come into contact with others who are not in God’s will. Anyone who comes along with potential but does not align with God’s purpose for our lives is known as a counterfeit. Counterfeits appear to seem right but in reality they are fake and misleading. As believers, Satan sends counterfeits into our lives in order to throw us off track from God’s plan. An example from scripture is the serpent that is sent to Eve in the garden. The serpent makes an appearance very early on and goes to work from the beginning. God’s plan for humanity was interrupted because Eve was enticed by the serpent and believed his lies that ultimately led to destruction.

Throughout the Bible we see other examples of counterfeits as well as warnings against involving ourselves with them. Proverbs 16:25 says “There is a way which seems right to a man and appears straight before him, but at the end of it is the way of death.”

Coming from personal experience, here are the 4 stages that took place for me when I fell for a counterfeit.

  1. Attraction. Attraction is the first step and most dangerous because it will open the door to further deceit. Often times our attraction toward someone can be based off of lust that has taken root in our heart and we can become attracted to someone’s physical appearance as well as the accessories that come with them. In my experience of a man I dated, I quickly became attracted to his appearance as well as his money, car, home, materials, and lifestyle. I was very attracted to his possessions which later on allowed me to realize that lust for worldly desires was the main cause of my attraction.

    2. Blindness. Once a strong attraction develops you may begin to ignore any warning signs that this person is not right for you because you have become emotionally attached. Having a strong emotional attachment will blind you to the warning signs and you will become desensitized to them. Being blinded to warning signs due to your emotions leads to a false reality. The guy I dated had many things that attracted me to him, but in reality there were several red flags that I noticed. Because of my attraction to him and the way he made me feel, I began to ignore the red flags and pursue a relationship based off of the strong feelings that had taken over.

  2. Commitment. After your emotions take control and you become blinded to the red flags, commitment follows. Men will do nice things for women such as take them out on dates or buy them expensive gifts. Because of the things he has done for you, you may begin to feel like you owe him yourself. You may start to feel pressured and give in to things you know that he wants and start to regret it. The guy I dated took me out, bought me things, which in return made me feel as though I owed him back and needed to commit to him.

  3. Entrapment. Over time, more things about this man will be exposed and who he truly is will be brought to the surface. The red flags that you ignored earlier will become alarms that are going off in your mind. Commitment will eventually turn into a relationship that you become trapped in. You have become so emotionally tied to him that you feel like you can’t live without him, but become more aware that this man is a counterfeit and being involved with him is only hurting you. I eventually came to the realization that I needed to stop ignoring the red flags so I could save myself. I began to feel trapped because my emotions kept me there. I did not want to be involved with this man anymore. Our lifestyles did not match up, he was not what I wanted, he did not value me like he should have, and was attempting to lead me to sin instead of drawing me closer to God.
These are the dangers I experienced when I fell for a guy who was not right for me. Many women are trapped in toxic relationships due to lack of wisdom and discernment from the beginning. This is why it is so important to guard your heart against potential men with no purpose for your life. Always remember to rely on wisdom, not feelings. Feelings and emotions are temporary but wisdom lasts forever and keeps us from falling.

Categories
Dating/Courting Single

Punk'd!

Dating couple tourists eating waffles on date enjoying food snack. Romantic man and woman laughing having fun outdoors. Multiracial couple, Young Caucasian man and Asian woman.

by Joy Oguntimein
How cool would it have been to be Ashton Kutcher walking into the tent shouting “You just got punkd!”  the morning Jacob woke up and realized he married Leah and not Rachel. That ‘lil love bird got played!!
 
Some of us are punking our future spouses. It’s been months since the first date, yet we’re still only allowing the other person to see a version of us that’s been cropped, edited, and filtered.  We hide any evidence of our imperfections so we can earn the “married” badge.
 
Honey, lean in for some truth. We can’t live life in bondage, afraid of people not liking the real us. If we are going to have any real happy, in our happily ever after stories, then we need to practice being real in our relationships now, with our family and friends. 
 
One of the most important things you can do in your marriage-Be Yourself!  Being yourself is a habit developed over time; not magically when you say I do. Here are a few tips for being your authentic self:
 
 1. Be Authentic.  DUH!  Yes, start here.  Start by being honest about what you like, what you don’t like, what you value, and how you’re feeling.
While we all have an innate desire to be accepted and loved by others, we need to belong in communities that value us and our unique contribution. If people only want to accept the person you pretend to be, then they are not accepting you. 
 2. Be grateful for the amazing and unique being you are.  Be open about your faults and weaknesses.
When we present a facade of who we are, we don’t give people the opportunity to love us completely. Your future partner can’t connect with you if they can’t see the real you. Don’t get caught up trying to be someone else that you forget how special you are, flaws and all.
 3. Be courageous enough to be vulnerable.  Whether a parent, sibling, prayer partner, etc.  you need at least one person (preferably 2) you can be vulnerable with.
We should invest in the relationships that allow us to share both our pleasure and pain.  Let’s invest in the people who are open to seeing the behind the scenes footage, not just the highlight reels posted on Instagram.  We need intentional, genuine, and consistent community that comes through being ourselves.
Want real love?  Then bring the real you to the relationship. To find, keep, and build a lasting love,  be you.  Free yourself and rest in the truth that you’re loved by Jesus, with all your brokenness, gifts, flaws, positive traits, and weirdness.
 
Unless you’re a professional actor/actress, you will not win an Academy or Emmy for impressing other people with your ability to be someone besides yourself.  This is real life, not a reality TV show.  So, let’s stop faking, and be the real, authentic people God has created us to be.  When you do, you’ll be building a foundation for a strong, healthy relationship.1

Categories
Dating/Courting Engaged Home

He Proposed After 3 and Half Years of Dating… Why I stayed!

marry me, proposal in Paris near Eiffel Tower

We live in a generation where courtship turns into marriage within 6 months or less. Because of that, I was often asked, “ What’s taking him so long?” Besides that being a question from him, it made me uncomfortable that people were bothered by our relationship status more than we were. Newly engaged, I don’t regret a minute spend being his girlfriend, and here’s why:
1. Divorce is REAL!
I’ve witnessed young people rush into marriage…better yet a world of problems. See, my fiancé and I both believe “Divorce is not an option”. With that being said, we wanted to ensure when we say “I Do” there would be no need for the “D” word. We truly spent 3 years getting to know one another on a deep level, learning flaws, triggers, and fine-tuning our communication skills. Because of that, we know each other like the back of our hands.
2. I Knew What I Wanted!
After only 6 months of dating, I knew he would be my husband. We’d been friends for 4+ years, he knew every part of me, and I him. Sure, I didn’t think it would take 3.5 years, but I was willing to wait. He was EVERYTHING I asked God to send me. I lacked nothing in him, and I knew we shared the desire to get married!
3. I Prayed!
Spring of 2016, I spent a lot of time with God regarding our relationship and its status! God asked me, what do you want? I rattled off what everyone else thought I should have, and he asked me again “What do you want”. After conversing with God and laying my troubles at His feet, I felt a renewing in our relationship! I knew my doubt didn’t come from the relationship itself, but the people who shared unsolicited opinions.
4. I Can DO What I Want
People have always had and always will have an opinion. If it’s not about engagement, it’s about how you should do the wedding, when you’ll have babies….it’s a never ending cycle. The truth of the matter is I CAN DO WHAT I WANT…WHAT WE WANT. There’s no rule book stating marriage must commence within a certain time frame. When I realized that, I felt a freedom to do what I wanted!
5. Finally, God’s Timing Is Perfect
God knew what He was doing in making me wait. Had I got married sooner, I’d be on divorce court (lol). Yes! I can admit it! My heart was consumed with being a bride, not a wife. During my time of prayer, God revealed the areas I needed to work on. I guess my engagement is God’s seal of approval of my intentional hard work!
I chose to wait because I wanted to! I waited because there’s nothing wrong with it! I waited because I needed to grow! I waited because the day I would get engaged was marked on God’s calendar (Psalm 139:16, NLT). Ladies and gents, stop adhering to timelines that don’t exist, trying to beat a clock created by social media, operating according to someone else’s love story or being moved by what others have to say! Let God be the author and the finisher of your love story!
XOXO,
A Very Happy “Future Ms. Terry”

Categories
Dating/Courting Home Single

What Does Love Really Have to Do with It?

I bet your wondering what in the world can this blog post be about? What does she mean by “what does love have to do with it?”
 
Well, in a society and generation that has completely contaminated the meaning of LOVE, I thought it would be best to do some clarifying.Most people don’t have a clue what love is. They want to rush into relationships based on commonality, attraction, or a “feeling.” But, those three things literally have nothing to do with love.
We began to lose the war of the true meaning of love when people started making it into a fantasy and removing the reality.When people wanted to take the easy way out rather than learning to endure, because where there is love there is endurance.When people wanted to allow their desires to run wild instead of committing and remaining faithful, with love there is commitment.
 
You see, this awful cycle and contamination started YEARS ago, but as an agent of Christ my objective is to correct what’s been tainted.
Let’s compare Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary definition of love with the Bible’s definition of love.
Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines love as “a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties; attraction based on sexual desire; or affection and tenderness felt by lovers.”
Well, let me ask you this… What happens when those affections die down? What happens when sex isn’t enough anymore? What happens when you don’t feel loved or want to love anymore?
Here’s the problem, love can’t be narrowed down to such a simplistic feeling or desire in the moment. Let’s be honest, desires and feelings change like the wind for some people, and the truth is, love remains. This is why it can’t be considered a feeling or a desire.
The Bible defines love as a decision that is made through every situation, circumstance, obstacle, uncertainty, commitment, and overall life event.
In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 it says, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.”
If you’re going to love someone in a relationship context, understand that love is not just a word to throw back and forth, but there are real decisions that have to be made each day in order to truly love someone.
So, what does love really have to do with it? It has EVERYTHING to do with it! After reading this post, I suggest you take some time to ask yourself, “have I contaminated the REAL meaning of LOVE?” It’s not too late to make some changes. Now that you have this information, what are you going to do with it?